 G'day mate 40 here So one of the the 12-step programs that I I tend to has the unofficial motto of we're here to bring souls out of hiding Which sounds sounds wonderful, but what about those whole souls that probably should stay in hiding? so my first thought on Bringing souls out of hiding is the the people who are wounded So about a third of the population with these propensities for addiction and self-destruction cycles You don't want to reach into the cave and drag them into the sunlight All right, because what happens when you reach into a cave where there's a wounded animal that that's hiding out and you try To drag them into the sunlight. They're gonna bite you So you don't want to drag drag souls out of hiding, right? You don't want to try to drag people generally speaking into a recovery or You know your your religion or whatever it is that you think would be really good for people so There's something that I learned in the 12-step group Alan on it and that was Don't make a suggestion to someone more than once and I haven't been able to fully live by that But it's really helped me reduce my tendency to give unsolicited Suggestions to people so I would sometimes give people the same suggestion five to ten times Now I think I generally Try to limit it one to three All right, ideally I just give the suggestion once and move on I really don't want to be banging on with with my suggestions to someone so If I try not to give suggestions period Instead, I just try to share from my own experience and then if they hear something that that excites them then they can take it and run with it so we've got to be really careful bringing souls out of hiding or Making people religious or Turning people on to Something and like kind of dragging people along it just just doesn't work because we evolved in a way to be highly skeptical of other people's Motivations and so I have found low IQ people tend to be even more skeptical and surly than even average IQ and above IQ people but what about What about people who start coming out of hiding and then they get smashed I can think about all those people That I've known who are in solid jobs and then they took a new job That demanded a higher level of performance and they got fired from it So, you know, I know people for whom this has happened four or five times. They've been in a solid job They've taken a step up with a you know, big rise in salary a big rise in responsibility a big rise in standards and boom after A week a month six months that they get fired so We're not always Well suited to stepping up in the world, right? Weekend vibes. Yeah I'm just I'm just chilling So I know for me in my own work history the first first four jobs I had from sixth grade to To 10th grade I got fired from And I got fired from them for the same reasons that I struggled in jobs after 10th grade like lack of attention to detail lack of interest in what I was doing Lack of willingness to follow direction lack of attention to detail lack of conscientiousness, right that that you know got me fired from my first few jobs and I still have Some of those traits. No, I still have all of those traits just to varying degrees of intensity so I've had a work history where I make a mistake and then if the boss jumps on me for it It tends to lead me into a spiral where I make more mistakes Then the boss gets more upset with me and then I make even more mistakes. It's like a downward spiral So I'm thinking for for the under owner like myself that the situation of Employment is probably even more important than it is for the normal person. I think a normal person can adapt to To the situation someone who's not normal someone who's got Let's just call it addictive tendencies if you're not a big believer in addiction just you know use some other Self-defeating maladaptive tendencies someone who doesn't you know interact normally with other people So if you're one third of the population Who does not connect normally with with other people? Probably the situation of your job is more important than it is for the for the normal person That you need a particular type of environment You need a particular type of a boss a particular type of Relationship to to thrive maybe maybe your options are not as big and wide as they are for a normal person And that means you probably have to be a little more selective about where you go to work And it's not it's not possible to read this situation Perfectly, I've I've misread the situation I thought oh taking a job where it just seemed to be you know the perfect job for me I thought I was really open with who I was and the type of relationship that I wanted and The other party said oh, yeah, you know this sounds great You know I'm not someone who fires people like I've never fired anyone and and then like a week into it You know I end up getting fired Because I started the job when I was sick When I was sick I was also working on a substandard computer And so I started making mistakes getting frustrated with my computer things started spiraling and Boom the the boss who never fires anyone you know got rid of me And I would have been perfectly well suited for the job You know I could have done it, but they're just all these negative spirals that I fell into so it was just kind of Kind of humbling thinking about I excel in certain situations, but As someone who's not a normie The situations in which I expel maybe excel maybe more narrow than they are for for regular people and so Who is that character cool hand Luke? He's didn't need to talk about a man has to know his limitations So there are certain jobs and certain employers that I've just thrived in absolutely thrived in But then there have been all sorts of jobs and employers where I've just gone into You know a downward spiral. I've just been a really bad fit for me so maybe my options are not not as wide as they are for the normal person and if one has these Self-destructive tendencies Perhaps one has to take more care about putting yourself in a situation where you can you can thrive So for example, most people are not suited to being entrepreneurs It seems to me at least nine out of ten people are better suited being employees as their primary source of income So a lot of people have have a vision that they're going to work for themselves I think this is going to be less responsibility if I just work for myself or just be easier, but But they find it's actually more responsibility It's it's more demanding and it's not something that they're cut out for So Let's say you've got you know a certain level of recovery You you found you found a sphere in life where you're doing well Perhaps that doesn't mean you're completely ready to come out of hiding and I think this would apply to your relationships, too maybe I Think most people need just graduated levels of disclosure, right? You're not best suited You know come disclosing everything fairly early on in in a relationship. I particularly early on in a relationship like one thing can just Drown out all other things. So perhaps the most scary things about you are the most Just tasteful things about you are not something that you should introduce early on and then one form of coming out of hiding is to go online and to do live streams and Doing live streams is not in the best interest of a whole bunch of people I've seen doing live streams I give you going to do a live stream in America or Australia or England with a big Nazi flag behind you It's probably not in your long-term best interest though. It could be wildly entertaining Doing live streams predisposes people to share all sorts of you know dark things that they wouldn't share face-to-face Also people get an exaggerated sense of their own importance and wisdom and sagacity and Like becoming a social media personality for many people becomes an addiction and it just doesn't cost them the money They put into the equipment, but the time and the energy that for many people would be far better spent Working a second job learning new skills socializing working out, you know developing in some other ways and Also, like coming out of hiding can exact an enormous toll on your mental health and on your personal life So at a certain level of visibility, you know, you may be doing well But then you get step into management you step into a higher level of visibility you become more of an online personality and It it has a negative effect on the rest of your life. So I always try to monitor the rest of my life and and my live streaming and how are they affecting each other so for example, I've live streamed every day for the last four days and I may keep it up. I I may not but when I when I walk down the street or When I get a synagogue or when I go to a restaurant when I'm at the beach or I'm going to social events going to writer gatherings Are my online activities having more of a negative or a positive effect on on my happiness and on my connections to people who Matter to me. So by doing these online things, I get to connect with a lot of really cool people But I also leave myself wide open to speaking in ways that will damage or destroy my relationships with real-life friends and relations, so Big question. Am I having fun? Do I find this relaxing and fulfilling? I don't find this relaxing, but I definitely find this fulfilling and I do find this fun So I Don't find myself locked into a grind Right. I'm not not making stuff, you know out of vague obligation to my viewers, right? Obviously you understand. I don't don't do any of this because I feel like I have an obligation to you and If you're going to come out of hiding like figure out what people will get from it I mean, maybe you're not suited for being an entrepreneur or having a more visible position or Moving into management or taking on greater responsibility Maybe you're not the type of guy who should be checking the engines before the plane takes off Well me and the other three people have your streams. Thank you. Thank you, Link so What do I hope you'll get from from my live stream? So one thing is personality and personal connection. So people who've had similar struggles to me I think will resonate when I share from, you know, my own history of humiliation. I Think that sometimes I share some useful information and then there's sometimes spectacle such as more often in the blood sports days but that's the Those are the three elements if you're going to be Creating stuff online personality information spectacle and If your show isn't growing ask yourself which element might be missing so my show has not been growing for the past three years and The element that's obviously most missing is spectacle All right, there haven't been many blood sports on my show over the last three years there hasn't been that that compelling spectacle that used to take place on the show and Yeah, maybe maybe I'm coming up short in the in the category of personality Maybe I'm coming up short in the in the humor and the mind-blowing revelations that get the listeners juices flowing and Another another danger about taking on more visibility and coming more out of hiding is That people want a piece of your soul like often employees or viewers right they may want to connect with you and If you stand out and if you connect with people say on YouTube It's because people feel a specific connection with your specific resonance with your experiences and In particular your your failures all right, and so You have to open up your dark private places and let strangers in and So when people then reject your your content You're very likely to feel that they're rejecting you Right, they're rejecting you as a person that you are not good enough that you're not special enough You're not unique enough. I Don't find this a problem Like my happiness level is not determined by the number of viewers Obviously, I prefer more viewers to fewer, but I've been I've been doing videos for 15 years. All right, you don't see an unhappy person here Just like cranking things out out of some sense of obligation So if people come to a live stream for example, they're not coming for for media like they're just there's a ton of media they're looking for a relationship and When you disappoint people they're going to take it as a deep personal betrayal all right and Can you can you handle that? Can I handle some of those times when I'm saying something every single person in the chat? You know passionately disagrees with me and turns their back on me so I've made a lot of acquaintances and friends from these online ventures and some some people I reach out to and Like I form form an offline relationship with them and then you know, I call them I never got a call back. Right, so Sometimes I disappoint people. They just turn their back on me and that's it and so I Think I'm able to just ride through that It's it's painful depending on the the intensity and the the importance of that relationship, but it inevitably happens particularly Given that I'm constantly changing my perspective on things. I'm constantly changing my understanding of of reality I'm constantly shifting. I'm not a You know a reliable pundit who's who's always going to tell you that you know the conservatives are right The Republicans are right that the the nationalist position is right that the the people are right the populace are right the elites are wrong I'm not going to come with this consistent presentation of reality that Has a top 40 feel where I'm just like playing the hits all over the Constitution more freedom and so because I'm constantly changing a Lot of my audience is going to be disappointed Disaffected is going to tune out and may very well Feel like I have betrayed them but How much should souls come out of hiding? I guess that's that's a that's my underlying question this morning and I think talking about damaged souls such as myself people who are not normal that We have to be fairly careful about where we come out of hiding and how we come out of hiding that We have to take more care than the normal person. We may not have the resilience of normal people so a good thing about a strongly identifying in groups such as For me in orthodox Judaism, I feel completely at home in orthodox Judaism so I can I can step into the stream of orthodox Judaism and I can just share that I've I've imbibed the rules and and within the rules You can pretty much be whoever you are. You can pretty much share anything and it's fairly safe space so The damage need they're safe spaces, I think people who don't have normal levels of human connection They have a particular need for finding safe spaces and maybe we need to come out of hiding there Primarily and then maybe gingerly step into the real world with great care with some trepidation maybe slowly Judging whether or not We're too much Out of hiding whether we we're becoming too visible. I mean look at the amber herd Johnny is a Johnny Depp I mean that case Right Could you imagine? Yeah, Johnny Depp ever heard. I mean, could you imagine you're at your private life being being examined like that? So most people would not survive well with with that level of scrutiny So for the damaged Maybe come out of hiding in safe places use use good sense With the people with whom you start disclosing such as in 12-step programs as this ethos We don't share We don't share What we hear in the meeting outside of the meeting so so people who are going to be? Relatively likely to maintain that kind of ethos those are the people that we come out of hiding to first and then We should develop from that you know feeling of safety and that that feeling of connection and rebuilding human relationships from from the wreckage of our past Maybe we can slowly build build out of that some resilience that we can take into the the wider world But with some care so number one don't drag people out of hiding Right that that's not going to work Number two if you're damaged right take a great deal of care With whom you confide and where you come out of hiding Slowly step into the real world with the sense of resilience that you have safe places that you can go and people you can talk to and Recognize that you're probably not suited for all jobs and all employers and you know all opportunities for Just displaying yourself right for for visibility right maybe not all opportunities for visibility Are you know in your best interest and then some people simply have stronger levels of recovery? I think some people can get such strong levels of recovery that they can practically become normal and Then I've had illusions of that. It's like oh man. I've got such a strong level of recovery now You know I can I can step out into the world as a normal person and then I'll just fall flat on my face I'll get into a situation that plays to my vulnerabilities to to my tendencies to get into these downward spirals and It's like oh, you know, I maybe I don't have as much recovery as I thought I have to be selective about About how I display myself So I've I've had friends who were kind of struggling should they stay and say $80,000 a year jobs with good benefits or should they step up to jobs that are more demanding higher standards they're paying well into six figures and Many of them have stepped into those high-paying jobs repeatedly and gotten fired gotten shot down So two lessons from that one They need a high level of recovery meaning maturity meaning, you know more in touch with with reality So when you challenge yourself more the more Reality is staring back into you and you have to step up So now part of this you can view as just settling for mediocrity But if you only have a mediocre level of recovery and You step into something more challenging now, it's very likely that you'll be exposed So you either you either raise your level of recovery meaning maturity meaning your acceptance of reality or You stay Stay in the safe place Peter principle observation tendency in most hierarchies Such as that of a corporation is for every employee to rise in the hierarchy through promotion until they reach a level of respective incompetence Yeah, and so sometimes And sometimes we're meant to be visible primarily outside of our work Yeah, not not everyone is well suited to being a leader At at work. So I know in Australia New Zealand People frequently work much harder outside of their jobs and they do on their job. So on their job, they just they just kind of Walk along and do do what's required and nothing more and as soon as they get off work then they explode with energy passion and enthusiasm into their hobbies and So some people are better suited for that. I don't know if you've got a patent Let's say four times you've stepped up from a mediocre job to a high paying higher-demanding job and you've gotten fired What's the primary lesson from that is the primary lesson that you need to change and become a better person to Be more tuned with reality become more mature someone who expects greater things of himself or should one accept one's limitations That perhaps one is not well suited for management or for for positions You know requiring higher visibility and higher standards Open questions to be continued