 J-E-L-L-O The Jell-O program, stouring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with your eyes are bigger than your heart. This is the time of year when we're checking over Christmas lists and every store window is a new temptation. Pocket books get lighter and lighter and we're all of us watching the budget. Well, here's one good way to help your budget and that's to serve plenty of Jell-O for it's so inexpensive. Jell-O costs only a few cents a package and one package serves the average family generously with a really delicious treat. And everybody loves Jell-O. It's America's favorite gelatin dessert. Those six delicious flavors are filled with extra rich, brute goodness. And those six gay colors fit right in with this cheerful holiday season. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. All six are bright with festive cheer as Jolly is Christmas Eve. So for inexpensive economical desserts, look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O and Jell-O spells a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Benny and his gang, who are en route from New York to Hollywood, have reached Chicago. So we picked them up at the station where they are about to board the train going west. Take it away. Hey Rochester, do you see the rest of the gang? No boss, I guess we're the first ones here. Doggonet, you know what Rochester? I forgot to tip the taxi driver. Why didn't you remind me? I thought it was pre-meditated. Well, it wasn't. All aboard for Memphis, New Orleans, Jacksonville, Montreal. Board? Montreal, listen, Mr. Montreal is in Canada. It's nowhere near Miami. All right, so I make one little mistake. Fine train announcer. Hey, Junior, stop staring at that man in the blue and yellow overcoat. For heaven's sake, yes. Have you ever seen an overcoat like this before? Junior, I'm sorry, mister. You'll have to excuse him for being so precocious. So what? That means fresh, adult. I know what it means and stay away from me. Hey Rochester. Yes, sir? Our train leaves in 10 minutes. Where's my brown leather bag? I thought you was carrying it. Me? You probably left it on the street when we got out of the taxi. Somebody must have stolen it by now. That old thing? Yes, all my belongings are in it. Now go get it. Okay, boys, I'll be back in a flash with the train. Oh, the carol is good for now. Oh, hello, Don. Hello, Jack. Where's the rest of the gang? They're around here somewhere. Say, it's pretty cold here in Chicago, isn't it? Oh, it sure is. Well, well, I see you finally got an overcoat. Yeah. That one's kind of loud for you, isn't it, Jack? Yes, it is. It's warm, though, isn't it? All aboard for Peoria, Emporia, Oskaloosa, Toscaloosa, Toscanini, Vini, Vini, and Bromelvo. Bromelvo, that guy's nuts. Gee, Wisdom's getting late. I wonder what's keeping the rest of the gang. Oh, don't worry, Jack. They'll show up. Mr. Benning, I looked all around the station. I can't find your bag anywhere. Well, of course it's not in the station. You left it out on the sidewalk. Now go and get it. Okay. Say, boys, it's kind of chilly outside. Can I have my overcoat? Get out of here! His coat. You know, down some day Rochester's going to carry that kidding too far. Hello, Bo Peep. Here's one of your sheets. Well, it's about time, Mary. I haven't seen you since we got off the century. Where have you been? Oh, I had lunch with a fellow I met on the train last night. Mary, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. What's the idea? Well, he was lonesome, and I was lonesome and hungry. That's no excuse. I told you a thousand times it's not right to go to lunch with strangers. You said it. I paid the check. Well, I'll teach you a lesson. Now come on with me. I want to go over to the newsstand and get some magazines. Hey, boss, boss, I found your bag. Here it is. That's good. Hey, but what did you bring all those red caps along with you for? I didn't bring them. They're picking at me. Well, wait for me by the ticket gate. Come on, Mary. Say, Jack, I wish you'd take off Rochester's coat. Everybody's staring at you. Mary, this isn't Rochester's coat. Oh, no. Look at that large button on the lapel. Yeah, since when do you belong to the sons and daughters of the Deep South? I don't belong. I'm just an honorary member. Here's the newsstand. We've only got about five minutes. All aboard! Train leaving on track 11 for White Sulphur Springs, Warm Springs, Palm Springs, Hot Springs, and Simmons' Mattresses. Simmons' Mattresses? Where's that? Right near Boulder Dream. I deserve that. Here's the newsstand, Mary. What do you want? Let me see. There's photo play and the Saturday evening post. Yeah, and there's colliers. Yes, sir. Is there anything I can do for you? I beg your pardon? I said, is there anything I can do for you? Yes, we'd like to buy some magazine. What have you got there? Well, we have the latest Cosmopolitan. Cosmopolitan? Yes, and here's the new Liberty. What do you want, Mary? Oh, I'll just take a box of peppermint. Mary, don't encourage him. Perhaps you'd like a good novel to read on the train. A novel? Oh, I don't know. Say, Mary, what's that book over there by you? Where? The one that's nailed up on the wall. You can't take it with you. Well, there's no use buying it then. Come on, Mary, we'll get something on the train. All right. Oh, Jack, look at those cute little toy dogs there. Let's get one. Toy dog? Not now, Mary. Well, take one on the train with you, mister. They're only a dollar. No, no, I don't think so. Go ahead, they're very cute. Oh, I don't care if they are. What good is a toy dog on a train? Well, for one thing, you don't have to take them on and off. That's a lot of sales talk. Come on, Mary, we've only got two minutes. Well, Jack, Jack, I found Phil. Hiya, baby. You looking for me? Yes, Phil, we're leaving in a couple of minutes. You had me worried to death. Where were you? I just stopped in for a shave and a haircut. And you know, Jack, it's the first time I ever had a lady barber. Oh, yeah? See, I bet you had a lot of fun. What, with a razor in her hand? I see. Well, she certainly gave you a fine haircut. Get a load of it, Mary. It looks like she cut off too much and pasted it back. It does look that. Hey, where's Kenny? He's always the last one to show up. All aboard. Track one for Toledo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, East Orange, West Lemon and Lime. I bet Don put them up to that. Well, boss, I got all the bags on the train. Is there anything else you want me to do? Yeah, look around the station and see if you can find Kenny Baker. I saw him running around here a little while ago and I thought he might get lost. Well? So I checked him in the parcel room. Well, for heaven's sake, go and get him. Here's a dime. Oh, and of course, a quarter. I insured him. All right, here. Now, hurry up. California train is now ready. All passengers, hold your tickets, please. Now, let's see. What did I do with mine? Oh, here they are. Junior, come along. And I told you to stop staring at that man's overcoat. Well, I... I'm sorry, mister, but Junior's a little bit upset. Yeah. The market, eh? What stock did you buy, Junior? Now, watch out, or I'll pull yours down and give you a good whack. Come along, Junior. He's just an old grouchy-wouchy. Listen, madam, before I met your son, I was the picture of hell. Hey, boss, here's Mr. Baker. Hello, Jack. See, if I got time to run out and get a sandwich... No, Kenny, you can eat on the train. I don't like your sandwiches. Kenny, I'm talking about the diner. Now, we're getting on the train now, so remember what I told you this morning. Oh, don't worry, Jack. I won't forget. Tickets, please. Tickets. Is everybody here? Yeah, we're here, Jack. Here are the tickets, conductor. Thank you. Now, let's see. One, two, three, four, five and a half. Five full tickets and one half fare. That's correct. Right through the gate, everybody. Come along, Kenny, dear. Yes, Uncle Jack. Now, stay cool, Kenny, but it wouldn't hurt you to try and look a little younger. Say, Jack, as long as you're going through with this, why don't you give Kenny a teething ring? A teething ring? Yeah, he doesn't look like a kid at all. Oh, no, you ought to see the underwear he pinned on me. Never mind that. Get on the train. All aboard for Kansas City, Dodge City, Las Vegas, Albuquerque. Albuquerque? Hey, Kevin, at least we're getting rid of you. Oh, no, you're not. I'm the engineer. Oh, my goodness, what a ride we're going to have. Just ride back home seems kind of long, doesn't it? Yeah, I'll sure be glad when we get off. Boy, what a trip. Oh, I don't know what you fellas are complaining about. Every time the conductor comes by, I have to stick a lollipop in my mouth. That's too bad. Yeah, and another thing. I can blow my own nose. Stop beeping, Kenny. I thought I told you to go and play with that little boy, Junior. It looks better. Besides, he's a good company for you. Fine company. This morning he told me a story about a traveling salesman. All right, then stay here and be quiet. Hey, this train is moving right along. Oh, by the way, Jack, I meant to ask you, whatever happened to that play you were going to do in New York? What play? Oh, you know, that Shakespearean thing that you told us about before we left Hollywood. Oh, that. Well, I'll tell you, Don, I spoke to the producer about it last week and we decided to do it in the spring. It looks like I'm going to do it in the spring. It looks like I'm going to play Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar? That's a hot one. Well, you're going to laugh, fellas. But I'm going in for a little more of that highbrow stuff. Say, Jack, I'd like to be in that play, too. Can you get me a job carrying a spear? Yes, Phil, but you'll have to walk in front of me. You do be fine doing Shakespeare with that corny dialogue of yours. Quick, Jack, give me a lollipop. Here comes the conductor. Oh, yes, here you are, Kenny. Oh, hello, conductor. How are you, Mr. Benny? Are you having a nice trip? Oh, fine. Fine, yes, sir. Say, this nephew of yours, are you positive he's only 12 years old? Why, yes, conductor. He's a pretty big boy for his age, but they grow like weeds in California. Weeds yet. Now, sit up, Kenny, like a good little boy. Well, well, tell me, young man, are you really only 12 years old? Dah, dah, whatever that means. All right, don't overdo it. Cute kid, isn't he, conductor? Yes, but he could stand a shave. Hey, fellas, we're slowing down a little. I guess we're coming into a town. Yeah, there's a few houses. Wow, look at that beautiful girl standing at that crossing up ahead. Where? Oh, say, she is good-looking. I guess the engineer saw her, too. Say, where's Mary? Saw her just a few minutes ago, talking to some fella back in the observation car. I've told her time and again not to talk to strangers. I'm going in there and put a stop to that. Well, Phil, I'm kind of tired. I think I'll straight out on this seat and take a nap. See you later, Don. What are you going to do, Kenny? Oh, I'm going back in the club car and have a scotch and soya. Okay, I'll put a nipple on it so it'll look all right. Let's go, kid. Oh, Mary is annoying this time. Oh, I'll be glad to get home. Is this your first trip to California, a Mr. ... a ... a ... I didn't get your name. Thompson. Thompson. Oh, yes. Is this your first trip to California, Mr. Thompson? No, I've been there lots of times. Well, you'll just love it. I always say there's no place like California. You know, I was born in Plainfield, New Jersey, but after all, New Jersey is New Jersey. California is California. So what? Oh, you're a card. That's a distinguished-looking man, Mr. Thompson. What business are you in? I'm a psychiatrist. Oh, I'm glad I bumped into you. I've been having more trouble with my feet. Young lady, a psychiatrist is ... Oh, I'm in the radio business. You know the Jell-O program. Sorry, Mary Livingston and Stooges. Oh, we're a riot. I'm famished, Mr. Thompson. Are you hungry? No, I'm not. Mary. Well, if you'd eat something, Mr. Thompson, you wouldn't have a headache. I haven't got a headache. Mary! Oh, hello, Jack. Come here a minute. I want to talk to you. Excuse me a minute. Gladly. All right, Mary. Come on with me. Who's that fellow you were talking to? Oh, some fresh guy trying to date me up. Well, it's your own fault. Now, let's get back in our own car. Mary, you got more nerve. Uh-uh, here comes that little brat Junior. Let's ignore him. Hiya, Dracula. Mary, there's nothing funny about that. Let me tell you something, young man. If you're not careful, you'll grow up to be worse than the dead-end kids. Go, sissies! Wish he'd stick his tongue out of me once more so I can hit him on top of the head. I think he's a cute little boy. Cute. Last night, he put a poached egg in my birth. Oh, Jack, look it down over there. Sound asleep. Doesn't he look sweet? Yeah, he looks like a whale that was washed up on the beach. Look at that smile on his face. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. None genuine without the big red letters on the pfft box. Hey, that guy even dreams about Jello. You better wake him up, Jack. We'll be in pretty soon. Yeah. Where's Rochester? My bags aren't even packed. Oh, Phil, did you see Rochester anywhere? Yeah, come here a minute. Jack, you want to hear something funny? What? Rochester's in that drawing room talking to the porter. Boy, is he giving them a lie. He is, eh? Let's listen. You know, Sylvester, I used to be a porter myself, but I gave it up. There ain't no fugitive in it. You're right, Rochester. Say, how long have you been Mr. Benny's private secretary and personal advisor? About two years now, you know Mr. Benny don't make a move without consulting me. He calls me his Anthony Eden. That's just a big fit. Quiet, Jack. This is good. Say, Rochester, what kind of a man is your boss? Is he nice to work for? Oh, very pleasant. Very pleasant. You want to see how he throws his money away? He does. Not far, but he throws it. Why don't I get a hold of him? One thing, Mr. Benny Esho has a funny radio program. Well, you ought to write every word of it. That's all I want to know. Listen, Arthur. Uh-huh. See you later, Sylvester. When you get to writing my programs, Anthony, I wish you'd pack my bag. We're getting off the train pretty soon. Okay, boss. Say, Kenny. Yes, Jack? Soon as we get to the station, we'll have to go right to the studio. Have you got your song ready for the program? Yeah, but I better run through it again. That's right. We won't have time for rehearsal. Go ahead, Kenny. Put down those blocks and sing. My personal advisor. It was just the same as mine. We're pulling into the station pretty soon. Hey, Don, did you see the tops of my pajamas any place? No, I didn't, Phil. Me neither. Don, no silvernear hunters. Rochester, are you sure you got everything in the bags? Yes, sir. Am I tired? When I get home, I'm going to bed and won't get up till 1939. Well, you need a little rest the way you've been dissipating on this trip. Look at those white circles under your eyes. Let's see. Where did I put my reading glasses? Your glasses are fine, them. Look, Rochester, you forgot to pack my blanket. Is that the one Fred Allen said you took from the Sherry Netherlands Hotel? Mary, I didn't take any blanket from the Sherry Netherlands. Then what's that SN on there? That's where I bought it. Saks 9th Avenue. So there. Wait a minute. Saks hasn't got a store on 9th Avenue. I'll bet you $25. There's a fella named Sam Saks who runs a store on 9th Avenue. And he sells blankets. Anyway, Allen's got a nerve saying I ever took anything out of a hotel. Well, what about that little incident at the Ritz last year? Never mind that. Well, what's it, Mary? Oh. Well, Jack walked out of the Ritz with a chair and a floor lamp and told the house detective he was from the finance company. Well, I just did that for a laugh. Well, those laughs look very good in your living room. You're making that up, Mary, and you know it. Hey, we're coming in, fellas. We're coming in. Los Angeles, Los Angeles, keep track of your baggage. Don't forget what belongs to you. And please, don't forget what belongs to us. Well, here we are. What a crowd at the station. Don't go and look at all those girls from Central Avenue. Don't tell me they came down to meet you, Rochester. I don't know, but I'm getting over here in the porters. Oh, that reminds me. Hey, Porter. Yes, sir. Everything was fine. Here's a tip for you. Thank you, Mr. Benny. Wow, a $10 bill. A $10 bill? Here's your glasses, boy. Yes. Oh, well. Well, I guess, I guess he earned it. Come on, fellas. So long, conductor. We had a swell trip. So long, Mr. Benny. Goodbye, young man. Goodbye, conductor. We sure fooled you, didn't we? Well, so long, fellas. See you all at the Broadcast. Hey, come on, Rochester. Let's go. Hey, Mr. Benny, look who's here to greet us. Why, Andy? I ain't here, but... Well, doggone it, Andy. I had a hunch the mayor of the neighborhood said, hey, come on, Rochester, let's go. Hey, Mr. Benny, look who's here to greet us. Why, Andy? I had a hunch the mayor of Van Nights would come down to the station to greet us. Yeah, and I even tried to get our local jug band down here. Well, why didn't you? Well, by the time they got their jugs empty, they weren't in the mood. Oh, well, tell me, Andy, how's everything in California? Oh, just fine, Buck. I hear you had a couple of days of pretty heavy rain. Is that true? I ain't no squealer. Now, come on, Andy. Come on. You can trust me. It did rain here, didn't it? Wait a minute. Are you sure there ain't no microphones around? Buck, it came down in bucket. It did? An old man Moses drowned. I know, Andy. I know. I read all about it. Hi, you sis. Hey, what is this? Hey, Buck, this is my sister Flossie from Indianapolis, and this is my nephew, Junior. Yeah, I met the little rattlesnake. Well, I gotta run along, Andy. I'm anxious to get home. Goodbye, Junior. See you around, Snow White. You won't see me around. I have to put on a Paul's beard. So long, Andy. Hey, wait a minute, Buck. Hey, Flossie, you and Junior wait for me and the buggy. I want to talk to Buck a minute. All right. Come on, Junior. Andy, I can't tell you how good it feels to be back home. Say, how's your folks? Oh, they're all excited, getting ready for Christmas. They are, uh... Yeah, they were trimming the Christmas tree last night, and Paul fell off the ladder and hung a star on Ma's ear. Yeah? Yeah, then Ma hung one on him. Oh, they're still at it, eh? Buck, they've been fighting so much, lately we're trying to get Clem McCarthy for a hired man. Well, I don't blame it. Well, see you later, Andy. I gotta run along now. So long, Beth. So long. Well, Rochester. Yes, boss. Quit sighting autographs and get me a taxi cab. Okay, see you tonight, Josephine. All aboard, train leaving for Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Cleveland, New Jersey, and Mars. If you're looking for an easy-to-make dessert that's one of the best you ever tasted, we have the answer. It's any one of three new jello puddings, jello vanilla pudding, delicate and creamy, made with real vanilla, jello butterscotch pudding, rich with old-fashioned butterscotch flavor, and jello chocolate puddings, smooth and chocolatey. All three jello puddings are simply grand. Listen to what Mrs. Hart-Gessler of North Tripp Avenue, Chicago, writes us about them. I do feel I want to tell the makers of jello puddings how much my family and I enjoy their products. I've used practically every ready-made pudding, but to me, jello puddings surpass them all. Thank you for putting on the market desserts which are so easy to make and so inexpensive and delicious that anyone can afford and enjoy them. Well, thank you, Mrs. Gessler, for that mighty fine letter. We appreciate it. And to the rest of you, we'd like to say, if you want to enjoy the grandest pudding dessert you've ever tasted, ask your grocer tomorrow for jello vanilla, butterscotch, and a chocolate pudding. This is the last number of the 12th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. So Merry Christmas, everybody, from my whole gang. What are you going to give me for a Christmas present, Jack? Mary, I'm going to give you two tickets to my new Paramount Picture, Artist and Models Abroad, which opens in key cities all over the country next week. Good night, folks. Gee, I'm glad I got that in. J.T.S.L.L. All the jello program through courtesy of Mervin Leroy Productions. The song I go for that is from the picture St. Louis Blues. This is the National Broadcasting Company.