 Ladies and gentlemen, the Jaws of Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin presents the Halls of Ivy, starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. If you like good beer, you'll find it pays to be curious and learn about Schlitz for yourself. Ivy College, that is, the town of Ivy, USA. Spring came to Ivy a few days ago, and in spring, as we all know, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, just as it does in summer and autumn and in winter. Sometimes it doesn't turn lightly at all, but with a resounding crash, and as in many crashes, it's the innocent bystanders who are most shaken up. No bystanders are more innocent this evening than Dr. William Todd Hutter Hall, Ivy's president and his wife, the former Victoria Cromwell of the English stage. It's shortly after dinner, and Dr. Hall is in his study. Mrs. Hall enters and says... Was that you making all that racket just now, Toddy Darling? Yes, I was feeling a bit chilly and thought I'd build a fire. Oh, well, why didn't you? Well, having cleaned out the ashes, broken up a crate for kindling and carried in three huge lugs, I don't feel chilly anymore, just overheated. But don't go yet, Vicki. I've got a problem. What is it? Well, I've arranged all the papers on my desk neatly, sharpened all the pencils I could find, changed the ribbon in my typewriter and cleaned the keys. Now, what else can I do to put off the moment when I have to go to work? Oh, Toddy, now please buckle down to it. Otherwise you'll be up half the night, and it isn't good for you. All right, my dear. Very well. Here I go. Hooray! An interruption. I mean, isn't that just too bad? It's about to... Hello, Dr. Hall speaking. Who? Oh, no, not at all, Brooks. What is it? Yes, of course you may come over. Where are you now? In a few minutes then. Goodbye. Who was it? Young Brooks. Sounded very upset. Isn't it Professor Quinn Cannon's job to attend to students who sound very upset? Well, it's little enough for me to do for Ivy's star athletes. But speaking of Professor Quinn Cannon, we had lunch together today and he reminded me that it is March. And time for us to prepare for our annual kite flying competition. Won't you come out and watch us? Of course I'll come. But isn't this annual kiting contest among the Ivy faculty a bit juvenile? Oh, tradition, my dear. As an English woman, you should know about that. England is full of delightful traditions. For example, in the year 1043 an archer stumbled. Let loose a shaft which took the King's Chamberlain's prize pig in the left flank. And every year on March the umpteenth, a fast courier rides from Wolverhampton to Windsor Castle with a broken bow string and a flitch of bacon. That sort of thing. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Like celebrating your American Independence Day by shooting off Chinese fireworks. Anyway, you know Professor Quinn Cannon is still convinced he beat me last year because I didn't use the correct amount of string. Oh, yes. You used too little, didn't you? Well, not at all. 900 feet to every 10 square feet of lifting surface. It's a mere matter of correlating the aerodynamic factors with the weight and tensile strength of the string. I've worked it out mathematically. You certainly did. Tari, when Brooks comes, you will make an effort to keep it short and get to work as soon as you can. Now won't you? Always, I promise. But it's important that I see him. Between now and the Easter recess when the students get a chance to blow off steam is the most difficult period of the school year. I must do what I can to ease the strain wherever it appears. Yes, what is it, Penny? Excuse me, sir, but you asked me to look for your kite. Oh, yes. You found it? Yes, sir. It's in the attic. Is it in good condition? Oh, yes. Good as new, except in some respects. I used the cloth for cleaning rags last summer, sir. Oh, well, now that can be replaced. As long as the rest of it's all right. Oh, it is, except for the frame. I had a need of kindling for the fire last winter. Oh, no. Well, the rest of it is just as you left it. What rest of it? The tail, sir. Oh, excuse me, the doorbell. Sir, if it's a Mr. Brooks, Penny, send him in. Yes, ma'am. Don't be upset, Toddy. Penny wasn't deliberately destructive. No, she's quite impersonal about it, but so is an earthquake. And the consequences are just as devastating. However, if I remember correctly, I have another old kite in the cellar somewhere. Come in, Brooks. Come in. Thank you, sir. Good evening, Mrs. Hall. Good evening. I hope I'm not interrupting something. No, no, no. We were discussing nothing more important than kite flying. Yes, I remember watching you and Professor Quinn Cannon on the commons last year. He outfrew you, didn't he? Yes, it so happens that... If I may suggest, sir, try using a little more string this year. Thank you. I've taken the trouble to work it out mathematically. William, may I remind you that there's a desk full of work waiting for you? Oh, yes, yes. Well, what can I do for you, Brooks? Would you prefer to speak to Dr. Hall alone? Oh, no, ma'am. I haven't come to talk about myself. It's about my roommate, Merton Savada. Oh, yes, you remember Savada Victoria, the child prodigy? Of course. Now, has some friction developed between Savada and you, Brooks? Oh, no, sir, not at all. As a matter of fact, I think he likes me very much. And I know darned well I like him. He's an awfully good kid, sir. I rather thought putting you two together was a good idea. You know, it seemed like a natural combination, considering your experience as a counselor and boy's summer camps and his extreme youth. How old is he, by the way, 15? Yes, sir, and working for his MA in physics. Yes. Well, is Savada in some difficulty? Yes, sir. I didn't realize that at first he's such a funny combination of grown-up man and little boy that he takes a lot of figuring out. But he's been acting so strangely the last couple of days In what way? Cutting classes, something he never did before. And sitting up, writing almost every night, all night. Writing? Writing what? I didn't say. He'd lock everything away in his trunk when he was finished. Oh, now that's very selfish of him, wasn't it? Who does he think he is to want a little privacy? Oh, no. Mrs. Hall, I wasn't trying to be snoopy. But I'm worried about the kid. He's in a tailspin and I want to snap him out of it. I think that's very commendable, Brooks. That's what roommates afford to take turns acting as lifeguard when the other member goes off the deep end. Well, anyway, this morning I found this stuff in his wastebasket. Here. Oh, no, no. Thank you. I'd rather not read it, Brooks. Not being his roommate myself, I must respect his privacy. Just tell me, in general, what it is. Poetry. Oh. Love poetry. It's sickening stuff. No, you men. Well, I've known a lot of boys who wrote poetry. Some of it to me, too, if I do say so myself. And very few of them got fitted for straight jackets. They'd leave the boy alone. He'll recover. Well, that's the point, Mrs. Hall. He'll recover too late. I found him packing his trunk when I got back from dinner. He was leaving school. I'm afraid some little bobby socks has been giving him a rough time. Oh, good heavens. Well, I think it's beautiful. It's tragic, but it's beautiful. I don't know, Victoria. I can only see the tragedy. No schoolboy romance should require such a drastic solution. This takes it out of the comic Valentine class and makes it a serious emotional problem. Where's the boy going, Brooks? His parents are in New Zealand, aren't they? Yes, sir. He hasn't seen them for two years. His father's attached to the American Embassy there. But I think he has an aunt and uncle living in Washington. Excuse me, sir. There's a merchant's Savada here to see. Oh, well, I suppose you'd better show him in. Is there any way I can get out through the rear of the house? I don't want the kid to think I've been going behind his back. I mean, especially since I have been going behind his back. Well, I'll show it to you. Goodbye, sir, and thank you. Goodbye. Don't worry about Savada. Trust me. I do, sir. Mr. Savada, sir. Thank you. Good evening, Savada. Good evening. This is an unexpected pleasure. Please sit down. Thank you. I'll be brief, sir, and then I'll ask a favor if I may. Of course. Feel perfectly at home. I do feel at home. After all, we're both men of the world. Quite so. I'm leaving Ivy, sir, tonight. Oh. The curriculum is not satisfactory? Perfectly. You realize, sir, that I took my A.B. at Columbia last year. Yes. And in one more year, I'd have my master's degree here at Ivy. It's got nothing to do with the school, I assure you. It's just that I'm in an emotional situation that cannot be resolved. In a fair to cure, a matter of the heart. I, um... I understand French, Savada. I want you to know that I respect your feeling and your resolve, but that I don't think you ought to consider leaving your studies until you've explored every other possibility, including the advice, the asking of advice from an older man. Won't you tell me about it and see if I can help? Well, I'm in love for the first time in my life. Never even considered it before. Career first. Everything else second was the way I sought. Ha! Doesn't the, uh, doesn't the lady return your love? She doesn't even know I exist. You never told her how you felt? No, sir. Wouldn't help. You see, she loves another man. Well, you can't be certain of that, you know, until you ask her. I never thought of that. Ask her, my boy. Ask her. But what about the other man? He'll have to take his chance, just as you do. You're very wise, sir. Oh, no, no, not at all. Now then, would you care to tell me who she is? Your wife, sir. Uh, would you, uh, would you mind repeating that? Your wife, sir. And that brings me to the favor I want to ask. Before leaving, have I your permission to speak to her? My wife? Mine? I can understand this comes as a shock to you, and that you naturally wish to discuss this with her before I see her. With your permission, sir, I'll withdraw for a half hour or so and speak to her when I return. Good evening, sir. Thank you. Vicky! Vicky, where are you? Vicky! Vicky! I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman will be back in a moment. Right now, there's just time for you to hear how one man tumbled onto something very interesting. My friend Jim is always saying, you haven't lived till you've been on skis. Well, I'm inclined to look at it the other way around. Staying alive had always come to me easy. Until the day I let Jim talk me into a pair of skis and send me plummeting downhill with no visible means of support. Your love it were his parting words, but there again we disagreed. Halfway down the hill I met a sapling, thus ending my short, unhappy career as a skier. I limped back to the lodge where the doctor said it was only a sprain. However, Jim blamed himself for my downfall and kept clocking over me like a mother hen. Bringing me pillows, magazines, and several bottles of Schlitz beer. I'd never tasted Schlitz before, but the good things I've heard about it had me smacking my lips before I tried it. My first swallow told me that here was a beer that more than lived up to its advanced notices. Here was a beer so fine, not even a radio announces best adjectives could do justice to its flavor. As getting acquainted with Schlitz was more than worth the few bruises they brought it about. No wonder they call Schlitz the beer that made Milwaukee famous. As we return to the halls of Ivy where a triangle has developed on the quadrangle, we find Dr. Hall torn between amusement and concern, as he says. Have you any idea of what you're going to say, Victoria? Are you going to carry it off? Not the slightest, William. Well, I suppose I could say, I'm sorry, Merton, I'm already bespoke. But I'd like you to think of me as your sister. That's a little weighty, isn't it? The word is corny, Victoria. Well, first you say, how do you do? Then you say something about the weather. Then after that, you just improvise. Now, why couldn't I have thought of that? Oh, my dear, I'm certain you'll handle it very well. You've met situations just as difficult with tact and dexterity. Name one. Well, the faculty T, for instance. A few days after I first brought you to Ivy, you told me you'd never been so fearful in your life. Oh, I remember. Oh, Toddy, I was so afraid they wouldn't like me. I thought to myself, one look at me and Toddy's career surpassed a 30 or 40-year setback. An actress in these sedate surroundings. And a musical comedy actress at that. I don't mind telling you now, after so many years, that it was a crucial moment in my life, too. Will you ever forget that short walk from our house to the faculty club? It was an evening in May, as I recall, and you seemed perfectly all right until we closed our front door behind us. And then, what is it, Vicki? Why have you stopped? Oh, please, let's go back into the house. I said they can't face all those strangers. They're not strangers, darling. I've known some of them a dozen years. Well, I've hardly been here a week, and I've never seen any of them before in my life. Please, Toddy, wait, we can telephone. We can make some excuse. Now, darling, it's going to be dreadful. There'll be a murmur of conversation until I appear, and then it will die away as that battery of eyes converges on me. Toddy, I just can't go in there and open cold. No, no, no, look. How would you like me to go in first? Doing a buck and wing. I can be singing, Hello, hello, there's going to be a show. That might warm them up. Toddy, don't laugh at me. Not when I'm feeling so inadequate. Ah, you've no reason to. They'll all adore you. You'll be the loveliest woman present. I can imagine how much the wives of the faculty members will adore the loveliest woman present. Toddy, let's go back. Well, at least let me change my gown. But it's a beautiful gown. Yeah, but it's too beautiful. Let me change to something simpler, but a brogues and a pair of overalls, perhaps. I just don't want to be resented. I'm the strange bird in a barnyard and I don't want to be pecked at. Vicki, you're not going to be pecked at. You are impeccable. Ho, ho, ho. Oh, darling, you're going in wearing that gown and everyone will gasp with admiration and I'll be the proudest man there. Sela, I have spoken. Now, give me your hand. I feel as though I were on my way to the gallows and I didn't even have time to eat a hearty meal and I've forgotten everything you've told me about who's who. Well, the head of my department is Dean Gurney. He resembles Zabilia's pigeon. Yes, you told me. I remember I associated his name with crust of bread because one does feed pigeons crust of bread, doesn't one? That's right. Well, thank heaven I'm certain about one thing. One does feed pigeons crust of bread. How do you do, Dean Gurney? Do you have a crust of bread? It's merely, merely associating. And then I shall say to him, please introduce me to your wife. I've heard so much about her. No, no, no, I wouldn't, darling. And as much as she left him to marry a prize fighter, I feel it would strike rather as dimming. I told you, don't you remember? No. Oh, Toddy, I don't remember anything. Not anything at all. What shall I do? Vicki, I love you. One unkind word or glance directed at you and I shall ask the entire faculty to step outside on math. And remember this, my darling. No appointments, no job. There's worth more to me than the smile on your face, the happiness in your heart, and above all, the gay and gallant spirit that is Vicki. Darling, thank you for buckling on my armor. Well, we're in for it now, darling. I've rung the doorbell. Now, just remember that faculty wives are merely... Toddy, darling, that's our doorbell and you didn't ring it. I didn't? You mean you did? Ah, brave girl. Now you're getting yourself in hand. No, no, no, no, Toddy. That's our doorbell. Come on home, dear. Home? Well, then what is... Go! Our doorbell. Oh, well. Yes, well, Penny will answer it. I'm sorry if I was being absent-minded again. That's all right, Toddy, but next time don't squeeze my arm quite so hard. Mr. Savada, I think you've been beating me. Savada? Oh, yes, good heavens. I must get out of here. It'll be less embarrassing for him if he doesn't see me. Oh, Toddy, please don't go. Yes, get me out of this. You trust me, Victoria. I'll think of something. I hope. Somebody's got to think of something. Mr. Savada, mum. Yes, thank you, Penny. Well, come along in, Mr. Savada. Won't you sit down? Thank you. It's some lovely weather, isn't it? May I improvise you... I mean, may I get you some milk and cookies? I'm not a child. I'm sorry. Please don't be sorry. I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world. Well, thank you. You're very gallant. I've been told you're leaving school. Why? I think it best. Staying here near you is... Well, I'm not made of marble, you know. If I thought there was even a remote possibility. But there isn't, is there? Well, I think not. Aside from every other consideration, I happen to love my husband deeply. I don't see how you can. You don't? No. Why, he's old enough to be my father. How old are you suppose I am? Just the right age. Victoria. I may call you Victoria, may I not? Please do. Victoria, what does he have that I haven't got? I'll match my IQ against his any time. Well, it's not a question of intelligence, Merton. Maybe you think I couldn't support you. I have assets. I've been writing a book, and I could sell my butterfly collection. And I get a regular weekly allowance. Wait, it isn't that at all, believe me. I know, we all know, how capable you are. And what a fine career you're certain to have. Do you think he's handsomer than I am? Because I can promise you that someday I'll be just as distinguished at the temples as he is. Runs in the family. Yes, I'm sure of it. I consider you an extremely presentable young man. And I know that someday you'll meet the right girl and be very happy, and then I hope... Then there's nothing I can say that will make you reconsider. Merton, tell me, what did you imagine a relationship with me would be like? I know what it would be like. I've thought of it a million times. Tell me. Well, you'd always be around. And you'd wave to me when I left for school in the morning. And we'd go to theaters and concerts together. And I'd tell you things, and you'd tell me things. And it would be so... so wonderful. Hmm, I think I'm beginning to understand. Are you really? Yes. Merton, tell me something. But look deeply into your heart and reflect a moment before answering. I will. Is it really a sweetheart you want? Isn't it really a mother? Ah, there, come on now. There, kid, you're all right. Come over here, take my handkerchief. Give me your hand. Oh, yes, I know how it is. Merton, believe me, I do. I used to cry myself to sleep for a mother I never knew. I lost mine when I was still a baby. Now, at least you have a mother. Yes, I guess that's right. I suppose it's childish to be so. So lonely. No, it isn't childish at all. Well, I think one has to be pretty self-centered, not to be lonely. But now that you realize that it is just loneliness... Well, Victoria, and how do you... Oh, well, excuse me. Hello, Savada. Hello, Doctor Hall. I thought I was holding your wife's hand, Doctor. No, no, no, please, please, let that clear. That requires no explanation, Savada. The impulse to hold my wife's hand is practically universal. And I didn't mean to intrude. I just came in here to... What did I come in here for? Oh, yes, yes, I was mending a kite and I wanted some string from the desk drawer, some kite string. It was in this desk. I'm sorry if I seem to be babbling. There are miles of string in the kitchen. Ask Penny. Well, I won't require miles, darling. I'm not trying to break the record, whatever it is. It's 21,120 feet. What? The Algae Graduate for Kites. 21,120 feet. Oh. Established in November 1905 at the Prussian Aeronautical Observatory. Well, thank you. Are you a kite flyer? No, kites are for children. Really? I think you're wrong, Merton. Dr. Hall is certainly not a child and he finds it most difficult at times to fly them. Probably uses the wrong amount of string. I do not use the wrong amount of string. I use approximately 900 feet to every 10 square feet of lifting surface. Too little by far from what I know of the theory. Well, indeed. Let me tell you something. Now, please, now, may I suggest that instead of merely discussing it, you both go out of the fields tomorrow morning and there determine who is right and who is wrong. Father, that seems... Isn't he leaving school? Are you, Merton? I suppose I could put it off for a day or it may take weeks to settle this matter. What do you say, Merton? Can you put off leaving for more than one day? I guess so. I mean, yes, of course. We can go out together every Saturday morning. All three of us. Exactly. I think I'll stay. I'm delighted, Mr. Savada. I'm confused but delighted. Well, come along and dance it down. Thank you. I trust, Savada, you won't think me intrusive if I hold my wife's other hand. No, sir. Good. Now then, are you acquainted with aerodynamics? Yes, sir. What kind of a kite do you fly? Flat or box? Flat. I like a... Try a box. What do you mean? I say that because theoretically four plane surfaces versus a single plane surface gives you a lifting potential far greater than... And it weighs as I've worked it out mathematically. Yeah, it weighs, Doc. And when he practically applies... If I know my part of the theory of flight in heavier than aircraft, it's supposed to be a good sign of air. I was curious. I tasted it. Now I know why. Schlitz is the beer that made Milwaukee famous. Here again, our Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. Well, I hope young Merton Savada will be all right now. Oh, yes, Toddy. He was just lonely. And all alone bewept his outcast state. That's all very well, my dear, but you know Mr. Shakespeare really wrote that sonnet for lovers like you and me. Oh, I think of it often when, when in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries and look upon myself and curse my fate. Wishing me like to one more rich in hope. Featured like him. Like him with friends possessed. Desiring this man's art and that man's scope with what I most enjoy content at least. Yet in these thoughts, myself almost despising, happily I think on thee. And that's you, Vicki. And then my state, like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate. For thy sweet love remembered, such wealth brings that then I scorn to change my state with kings. Thank you, darling. Good night, everyone. Good night. Henry Russell. The Halls of Ivy was created by Don Quinn, directed by Nat Wolfe, and presented by the Jaws of Schlitz Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ken Carpenter speaking. Oh, we love that surround us here today. Now here we the people over most of these NBC stations.