 Book Second Chapter Five of A Day of Fate by Edward P. Rowe. This Liber Vox recording is in the public domain, recording by like many waters. Book Second Chapter Five. A Flash of Memory I found my spirits attuned to the clear sunshine of the new day, and congratulated myself that convalescence promised to be so speedy. Again I had the sense that it was my body only that was weak and exhausted by disease, for my mind seemed singularly elastic, and I felt as if the weight of years and toil had dropped away, and I was entering on a new and higher plane of existence. An unwanted hopefulness too gave buoyancy to my waking thoughts. My first conscious act was to look for my flowers, they had been removed to a distant table, and in their place was a larger bouquet that for some reason suggested Ada. It's very pretty, I thought, but it lacks the dainty refined quality of the other, there's too much of it. One is a bouquet, the other suggests the bushes on which the buds grew and their garden home. From the sounds I heard I knew the family was at breakfast, and before very long a musical laugh that thrilled every nerve with delight rang up the stairway, and I laughed in sympathy without knowing why. Happy will the home be in which that laugh makes music, I murmured. Heaven grant it may be mine, can it be presumption to hope this, when she showed so much solicitude at my illness? She was crying when my recovery was doubtful, and she entreated me to live. Ruben's words suggested that she was depressed while I was in danger, and buoyant after the crisis had passed, that she feels as I do I cannot yet hope. But what the mischief does she and Ada mean by saying that they owe me so much? It's I who owe them everything for their care during my illness. How long have I been ill? There seems to be something that I can't recall, and now I think of it, Mrs. Yocom's account last night was very indefinite. My further musings were interrupted by the entrance of Mrs. Yocom with a steaming bowl that smelled very savory. Mrs. Yocom, I cried, you are always welcome, and that bowl is too, for I'm as hungry as a cub. Glad to hear it, said Mr. Yocom's hearty voice from the doorway. I'll kill for you a young gobbler that Emily Warren thinks is the apple of my eye, if you will promise to eat him. No indeed, I answered reaching out my hand. He is already devoted to Mrs. Warren's Thanksgiving dinner, may he continue to gobble until that auspicious day. What, do you remember that? And Mr. Yocom cast a quick look of surprise at his wife. Yes, I remember everything up to a certain point, and then all comes to a full stop. I wish you would bridge over the gap for me. Richard, interposed Mrs. Yocom quickly. It wouldn't do thee any good to have father tell thee what thee said when out of thy mind from fever. I can tell thee, however, that thee said nothing of which thee need be ashamed. Well, I can't account for it. I must have been taken very suddenly. One thing is clear. You are the kindest people I ever heard of. You ought to be put in a museum. Why, friend Morton, is it queer that we didn't turn thee out of doors or give thee in charge of the poor master? I certainly am the most fortunate man in the world, I said laughing. I had broken myself down and was about to become very ill, and I started off in the dark and never stopped till I reached the shelter of Mrs. Yocom's wing. If I should tell my experience in New York, there'd be an exodus to the country among newspaper men. Thee mustn't do it, protested Mr. Yocom, assuming a look of dismay. Thee knows I'm down on editors. I make thee an exception. I should think you had, but they would not expect to be treated one-hundredth part so well as you have treated me. Well, bring thy friends editors or otherwise, thy friends will be welcome. I fear I'll be selfish. I feel as if I had made too rich a discovery to show it to others. Now, father, these had thy turn and must go right out and let Richard take his breakfast and his medicine. I'm bent on making Dr. Bates say I'm the best nurse in town, and between such a lively patient and such a lively family, I have a hard time of it. Well, thee knows I always mind, mother, said the old gentleman, putting on a rueful look. I do it, thee knows, to set the children an example. Goodbye now, mother will make thee as hardy as I am if thee'll mind her. Oh, I'm well enough to see everybody today, I said with emphasis, and I imagine that Mrs. Yocom gave us definite a meaning to my indefinite term as I did. No one can stay long yet, but if thee continues to improve so nicely, we can move thee downstairs part of the day before very long. At that prospect I'll mind as well as Mr. Yocom himself, I cried gladly. Mr. Yocom, they are spoiling me, I feel like a great petted boy and behave like one I fear, but having never been ill I don't know how to behave. These doing very well for a beginner, keep on, keep on, and his genial visage vanished from the doorway. After I had my breakfast, Zilla flitted in and out with her mother two or three times. Mother says I can look at thee but I mustn't talk, and she wouldn't. Then Ada, with her wide brimmed hat hanging on her arm, brought me a dainty little basket of wild strawberries. I promised to gather them for thee, she said placing them on my table. You did? I had forgotten that, I replied. I fear my memory is playing me sad tricks. You have just gathered them, I think. What makes thee think so? Because their color has gotten to your cheeks. I hope thee'll like them, the strawberries I mean. I laughed heartily as I answered, I like both, I don't see how either could be improved upon. I think thee likes a city pallor best, she replied shaking her head. I imagined that a faint tinge of the strawberry came into my face, for she gave me a quick glance and turned away. Ada said Mrs. Yocome entering, thee can take thy sewing and sit here by the door for a while, call me if Richard wants anything, the doctor will be here soon. Would thee like to have me stay, she asked timidly. Indeed I would. Mrs. Yocome, can I eat these strawberries? I've devoured them with my eyes already. Yes, if the doctor says so, and thee'll promise not to talk much. I made no promise, for I was bent on talking as convalescence usually are, I believe, and Ada forgot her sewing and her blue eyes rested on me with an intentness that at last grew a little embarrassing. She said comparatively little, and her words had much of their old directness and simplicity, but the former flippancy and coloring of small vanity was absent. Her simple morning costume was scrupulously neat and quite as becoming as the Sunday muslin, which I had so admired, and she had fastened at her breast-pin a rose that reminded me of the one I had given her on that wretched Sunday afternoon, when she unconsciously and speedily dispelled the bright dream that I had woven around her. For some reason she has changed very much, I thought, and I'm glad it's for the better. Zilla came in and leaned on her lap as she asked her a question or two. Surely the little girl would not have done that the first day I met her, I mused, then added aloud. You are greatly changed, Miss Ada, what has happened to you? She blushed vividly at my abrupt question and did not answer for a moment, then she began hesitatingly. From what mother says, it's time I changed a little. I think Zilla likes you now as she does Miss Warren. No, she likes Emily Warren best, so does everyone. You are mistaken, Zilla could not have looked at Miss Warren differently from the way in which she just looked at you. You have no idea what a pretty picture you two then made. I did not think about it. I imagine you don't think about yourself as much as you did, perhaps that's the change I'm conscious of. I don't think about myself at all anymore, and she bent low over her work. Dr. Bates now entered with Mrs. Yocome and Ada slipped quietly away. After strong professions of satisfaction at my rapid convalescence and giving a medicine that speedily produced drowsiness, he too departed. I roused up slightly from time to time as the day declined, and finding Ruben quietly busy at his carving, dozed again in a delicious dreamy restfulness. In one of these half-waking moments I heard a low voice ask, Ruben, may I come in? Sleep departed instantly, and I felt that I must be stone dead before I could be unmoved by those tones, now as familiar as if heard all my life. Yes, please come, I exclaimed, and you have been long in coming. Ruben sprang up with alacrity as he said, I'm glad these come, Emily, with the mind staying with Richard for a little while, I want to take Dappel out before night, if I don't he gets fractious. I will take your place for a time and will call Mrs. Yocome if Mr. Morton needs anything. I assure you I won't need anything as long as you'll stay. I began as soon as we were alone. I want to thank you for the rose buds, they were taken away this morning but I had them brought back and placed here where I could touch them. They seem to bring back that June evening in the old garden so vividly that I've lived the scene over and over again. She looked perplexed and colored slightly but said smilingly, Mrs. Yocome will think I'm a poor nurse if I let you talk too much. Then talk to me, I promise to listen as long as you will talk. Well, mention an agreeable subject. Yourself, what have you been doing in the ages that have elapsed since I came to life? It seems as if I had been dead and I can't recall a thing that happened in that netherworld. I only hope I didn't make a fool of myself. I'm sorry to say you were too ill to do anything very bad. Mr. Morton, you can't realize how glad we all are that you are getting well so fast. I hope I can't realize how glad you are and yet I would like to think that you are very glad. Do you know what has done me the most good today? How should I know? She asked, looking away with something like trouble in her face. I heard your laugh this morning while you were at breakfast and it filled all the old house with music. It seemed to become a part of the sunshine that was shimmering on the elm leaves that swayed to and fro before my window. And then the robins took it up in the garden. By the way, have you seen the robins' nest that Zilla showed us? Yes, she replied, but it's empty and the queer little things that Zilla said were all mouth and swallow are now pert young robins rollicking around the garden all day long. They remind me of Reuben and Dappel. I love such fresh young life and shadowed by care or experience. I believe you and your sympathy with such life will always keep you young at heart. I can't imagine you growing old. Indeed, truth is never old and feeble. You are very fanciful, Mr. Morton, she said with a trace of perplexity again on her face. I have heard that that was a characteristic of sick people, I laughed. Yes, we have to humor them like children, she added, smoothing her brow as if this were an excuse for letting me express more admiration than she relished. Well, I admitted, I've never been ill and made much of before since I was a little fellow and my mother spoiled me and I've no idea how to behave even if I did it would seem impossible to be conventional in this house. Am I not the most singularly fortunate man that ever existed? Like a fool I had broken myself down and was destined to be ill. I started off as aimlessly as an arrow shot into the air, and here I am enjoying your society and Mrs. Yocom's care. It is indeed strange, she replied musingly, as if half speaking to herself. So strange that I cannot understand it. Life is a queer tangle at best, that is, it seems so to us sometimes. I assure you I am glad to have it tangled for me in this style, I said laughing. My only dread is getting out of the snarl, indeed I'm sorely tempted to play sick indefinitely. In that case we shall all leave you here to yourself. I think you have done that already. What would your paper do without you, she asked, with her brow slightly knitted and the color deepening in her cheeks. Recalling what you said I'm tempted to think it is doing better without me. You imagine I said a great deal more than I did. No, I remember everything that happened until I was taken ill. It's strange I was taken so suddenly, I can see you playing Chopin's Nocturne as distinctly as I see you now. Do you know that I had the fancy that the cluster of roses you sent me was that Nocturne embodied and that the shades of color were the variations in the melody? You are indeed very fanciful, I hope you will grow more rational as you get well. I remember you thought me slightly insane in the garden. Yes, and you promised that you would see things just as they are after leaving it. I can't help seeing things just as they seem to me, perhaps I do see them just as they are. Oh no, to a matter of fact person like myself, you are clearly very fanciful. If you don't improve in this respect, you'll have to take a course in mathematics before returning to your work or you will mislead your readers. No, I'm going to take a course of weeding in the garden and you were to invite me into the arbor as soon as I had done enough to earn my salt. I fear you will pull up the vegetables. You can at least show me which are the potatoes. In spite of a restraint that she tried to disguise, she broke out into a low laugh at this reminiscence and said, After that revelation of ignorance, you will never trust me again. I will trust you in regard to everything except kitchen vegetables. I replied more in earnest than in jest. A most important exception, she responded, her old troubled look coming back. But you are talking far too much, your face is slightly flushed, I fear you are growing feverish, I will call Mrs. Yocom now. Please do not, I never felt better in my life, you are doing me good every moment and it's so desperately stupid lying helplessly here. Well I suppose I must humor you a few moments longer, she laughed. People when ill are so arbitrary, by the way your editorial friends must think a great deal of you or else you are valuable to them. For your chief writes to Mr. Yocom every day about you, so do some others, and they've sent enough fruit and delicacies to be the death of an ostrich. I'm glad to hear that, it rather increases one's faith in human nature. I didn't know whether they or anyone would care much if I died. Mr. Morton, she said reproachfully, Oh I remember my promise to you, if like a cat I had lost my ninth life I would live at your words. Indeed I imagine that you were the only reason I did live, it was your will that saved me, for I hadn't enough sense or spirit left to do more than flicker out. Do you think so, she asked eagerly, and a rich glow of pleasure overspread her face. I do indeed, you have had a subtle power over me from the first, which I cannot resist, and don't wish to. I must go now, she said hastily. Please wait, I entreated, I've a message for Mrs. Yocom. She stood irresolutely near the door. I wish you to tell her, why is it getting dark so suddenly? I fear we're going to have a shower, and she glanced apprehensively toward the window. When have I seen that look on your face before? I asked quickly. You had a message for Mrs. Yocom? Yes, I wish you would make her realize a little of my unbounded gratitude, which every day increases. In fact, I can't understand the kindness of this family, it is so hearty, so genuine, why I was an entire stranger the other day. Then Ada, and pardon me, you also used expressions which puzzled me very much. I can't understand how I became ill so suddenly. I was feeling superbly that Sunday evening, and then everything became a blank. Mrs. Yocom, from a fear of disquieting me, won't say much about it. The impression that a storm or something occurred that I can't recall haunts me. You are one that couldn't deceive if you tried. You needn't think I have anything to tell when Mrs. Yocom hasn't, she answered with a gay laugh. Miss Warren, I said gravely, that laugh isn't natural, I never heard you laugh so before, something did happen. A flash of lightning gleamed across the window, and the girl gave an involuntary and apprehensive start. Almost as instantaneously, the events I had forgotten passed through my mind. In strong and momentary excitement, I rose on my elbow, and looked for their confirmation in her troubled face. Oh, forget, forget it all, she exclaimed in a low distressed voice, and she came and stood before me with clasped hands. Would to God I had died, I said despairingly, and I sank back faint and crushed. I had no right to speak, to think of you as I did. Goodbye. Mr. Morton, please leave me now, I'm too weak to be a man, and I would not lose your esteem. But you will get well, you promised me that. Well, I said in a low-bitter tone, when can I ever be well? Goodbye. Mr. Morton, would you blight my life? She asked almost indignantly, am I to blame for this? Nor am I to blame, it was inevitable, curses on a world in which one can err so fatally. Can you not be a brave generous man, if this should go against you, if you will not get well? You promised me to live. I will exist, but can one whose heart is stone and hope dead live? I'll do my best. No, you are not to blame, not in the least. Take the whole comfort of that truth, nor was I either. That Sunday was the day of my fate, since for me to see you was to love you by every instinct and law of my being. But I trust as you said, you will find me too honorable to seek that which belongs to another. Mr. Morton, she said in tones of deep distress, you saved this home, you saved Mrs. Yocom's life, you, you saved mine, will you embitter it? Would to God I had died, I groaned. All would then have been well, I had fulfilled my mission. She wrung her hands as she stood beside me. I can't, oh I can't endure this, she murmured, and there was anguish in her voice. I rallied sufficiently to take her hand as I said. Emily Warren, I understand your crystal truth, too well not to know that there is no hope for me. I'll bear my hard fate as well as I can, but you must not expect too much. And remember this, I shall be like a planet hereafter. The little happiness I have will be but a pale reflection of yours. If you are unhappy, I shall be so inevitably, not a shadow of blame rests on you. The first fair woman was not truer than you. I'll do my best, I'll get up again, soon I trust now. If you ever need a friend, but you would not so wrong me as to go to another. I won't be weak and lackadaisical. Don't make any change, let this episode in your life be between ourselves only. Goodbye. Oh you look so ill, so changed, what can I say? Helpless tears rushed into her eyes. You saved my life, she breathed softly, but as she turned hastily to depart she met our hostess. Oh Mrs. Yocom, she sobbed, he knows all. The Shirley could not have told him. Indeed I did not, it came to him like a flash. Mrs. Yocom, by all that's sacred, Miss Warren is not to blame for anything, only myself. Please keep my secret, it shall not trouble anyone, and I turned my face to the wall. Richard Morton, dear Mrs. Yocom, give me time, I'm too sorely wounded to speak to anyone. A man should try to do what is right under all circumstances, she said firmly, and it is your first and sacred duty to get well, it is time for your medicine. I turned and said desperately, give me stimulants, give me anything that will make me strong, so that I may keep my word, for if ever a man was mortally weak in body and soul I am. I'll do my best for thee, she said gently, for I feel for thee and with thee, as if thee were my own son. But I wish thee to remember now and always that the only true strength comes from heaven. Book II Chapter 6 of A Day of Fate by Edward P. Rowe This LibriVox recording is in the public domain, recording by like many waters. Book II Chapter 6 Weakness Soul and body are too nearly related for one to suffer without the other's sympathy. Mrs. Yocom mercifully shielded me that evening, merely saying that I had seen enough company for one day. My sleep that night resulted from opiates instead of nature's impulses and so was unrefreshing, and the doctor was surprised to find a change for the worse the following morning. For two or three days the scale wavered, and I scarcely held what I gained, Mrs. Yocom rarely left me, and I believe that I owe my life not only to her excellent nursing, but even more to her strong moral support, her gentle but unspoken sympathy. I knew she understood me, and that her mercy was infinite for my almost mortal weakness. For now that the inexplicable buoyancy which that chief of earthly hopes and parts was gone, I sank into an abyss of despondency from which I feared I could never escape. Her wisdom and intuitive delicacy led her to select Ruben as her chief assistant. I found his presence very restful, and so far from suspecting, he could not understand a wound often more real and painful than any received on battlefields. I now could not have endured Aida's intent and curious scrutiny, and yet I deeply appreciated her kindness, for she kept my table laid in with delicate fruits and flowers. The dainty little vase was replenished daily, also with clusters of roses, roses only, and I soon recognized rare and perfect buds that at this late season only a florist could supply. The pleasure they gave was almost counterbalanced by the pain. Their exquisite color and fragrance suggested a character whose perfection daily made my disappointment more intolerable. At last Mrs. Yocom said, Richard Morton, is thee doing thy best to get well? Thee's incurring a grave responsibility if thee is not. Emily Warren is quite alone in the world, and she came to me as to a mother when thee was taken ill, and told me of thy unfortunate attachment. As thee said, she is not to blame, and yet such is her kindly and sensitive nature, that she suffers quite as much as if she were holy to blame. Her life almost depends on thine, she is growing pale and ill, she eats next to nothing, and I fear she sleeps but little. She is just waiting in miserable suspense to see if thee will keep thy word and live. I believe thee can live and grow strong and good and noble if thee will. Oh Mrs. Yocom, how you must despise me, but if you knew how I loathe myself. No, I'm sorry for thee from the depths of my heart. If thee's doing thy best, I've not a word to say, but thee should know the truth. As Emily said, thee has the power either to inviter her life or to add very much to its happiness. Well, I said, if I have not the strength to overcome this unmanly contemptible weakness I ought to die, and the sooner the better, if I'm worth life I shall live. If ever a weak, nerveless body yielded to an imperious will, minded, from that hour as far as possible I gave my whole thought to recovery and was as solicitous as I before had been apathetic. No captain could have been more so in regard to his ship, which he fears may not outright a storm. I appealed to Dr. Bates to rack his brains in the preparation of the most effective tonics. I took my food with scrupulous regularity and in the effort to oxygenize my thin pale blood drew long respirations of the pure summer air. Mrs. Yocom daily smiled a warmer and more hearty encouragement. Under the impetus of a resolute purpose the wheels of life began to move steadily and at last rapidly toward the goal of health. I soon was able to set up part of the day. As I rallied I could not help recognizing the richer coloring that came into the life at the farmhouse and the fact touched me deeply. What is my suffering compared to the happiness of this home, I thought. It would have been brutally selfish to have died. I now had my letters brought to me, my paper, my first love, was daily read and my old interest in its welfare kindled slowly. Work, I said, is the best of antidotes. It shall be my remedy. Men are respected only as they stand on their feet and work and I shall win her respect to the utmost. Ruben and Ada read to me, the presence of the former like that of his father and mother was very restful but Ada began to puzzle me. At first I ascribed her manner to an extravagant sense of gratitude in one who had passed with her through peril and who seemingly had been dangerously ill in consequence. But I was compelled at last to see that her regard was not open, frank and friendly but shy, absorbing and jealous. It gave her unmingled satisfaction that I did not ask for Miss Warren and she rarely spoke of her. When she did she watched me keenly as if seeking to read my thoughts. Ruben on the contrary spoke freely of her but from some restraint placed upon him by his mother probably did not ask her to relieve him in his care of me again. After I began to sit up, Miss Warren would not infrequently come to my door when others were present and smilingly express her gladness that I was improving daily. Indeed there would often be quite gay repartee between us and I think that even Ada was so blinded by our manner that her suspicions were allayed. It evidently puzzled her and Ruben also that I had apparently lost my interest in one who had such great attractions for me at first but Ada was not one to seek long and deeply for subtle and hidden causes of action. She had a quick eye however for what was apparent and scanned surfaces narrowly. I fear I perplexed her as sorely as she did me. In spite of every effort to remain blind to the truth I began to fear that she was inclined to give me a regard which I had not sought and which would embarrass me beyond measure. That a man can exalt over a passion in a woman which he cannot requite is marvelous, that he can look curiously, critically and complacently on this most sacred mystery of a woman's soul that he can care no more for her delicate incense than would a grim idol is proof that his heart is akin to the stony idol in material and his nature like that of the gross cruel divinity represented. The vanity that can feed on such food has a more depraved appetite than the South Sea Islander who is content with human flesh merely. It would seem that there are those who can smile to see a woman waste the richest treasures of her spiritual life which were designed to last and sustain through the long journey of life, eye, and even boast of her immeasurable loss of which they, wittingly or unwittingly, had been the cause. The oddest part of it all is that a woman can love such men instead of regarding them as spider-like monsters that, were the doctrine of trans-migration true would become spiders again as soon as compelled to drop their human disguise. But women usually idealize the men they love into something very different from what they are. Evan knows that I was not a saint but I am glad that it caused me pain and pain only as I saw Ada Shiley and almost unconsciously bending on me glances laden with a priceless gift which nevertheless I could not receive. Her nature was too simple and direct for disguises and when she attempted them they were often so apparent as to be comically pathetic and yet she did attempt them. There was nothing bold and unmaidenly in her manner and as I look back upon those days I thank God that I was never so graceless and brutal as to show or feel anything like contempt for her gentle child-like preference. Very possibly also my own unfortunate experience made me more considerate and it was my policy to treat her with the same frank undisguised affection that I manifested toward Zilla with of course the differences required by their different ages. Ada was no longer repulsive to me. The events of that memorable night of storm and danger and the experiences that followed had apparently awakened her better nature which although having a narrow compass was gentle and womanly her old flippancy was gone. My undisguised preference for Miss Warren after I had actually made her acquaintance and my persistent blindness to everything verging toward sentiment had perhaps done something toward dispelling her belief that beauty and dress were irresistible. Thus she may have been led honestly to compare herself with Emily Warren who was not only richly endowed but highly cultivated. At any rate her small vanity had vanished also and she was in contrast as self-distrustful and hesitating in manner as she formerly had been abrupt and self-asserting. Moreover she had either lost her interest in her neighbour's petty affairs or else had been made to feel that a tendency to gossip was not a captivating trait and we heard no more about what this one said or that one wore on her return from meeting. While her regard was undoubtedly sincere I felt and hoped that it was merely a sentiment attended on her wakening and fuller spiritual life rather than an abiding and deep attachment and I believed that it would soon be replaced by other interests after my departure. For my own sake as well as hers I had decided to leave the farmhouse as speedily as possible but I soon began to entertain the theory that I could dispel her dreams better by remaining a little longer and by proving that she held the same place in my thoughts as Zilla and could possess no other there would then be no vain imaginings after I had gone. I rather wanted to stay until I had fully recovered my health for I was beginning to take pride in my self-mastery if I could regain my footing and stand erect in such quiet manly strength as to change Miss Warren's sympathy into respect only I felt that I would achieve a victory that would be a source of satisfaction for the rest of life. That I could do this I honestly doubted for seemingly she had enthralled my whole being and her power over me was well nigh irresistible. I knew that she understood Aida even better than I did and it seemed her wish to afford the girl every opportunity for she never came to ask how I was when Aida was present and the latter was honest enough to tell me that it was Miss Warren who had suggested some of the simple yet interesting stories with which my long hours of convalescence were beguiled but in her latent jealousy she could not help adding since Emily Warren selected them they cannot help liking them I certainly ought to like them doubly I had quietly replied looking directly into her eyes since I am indebted for them to two friends instead of one there's a great difference in friends she said significantly yes indeed I replied smiling as frankly as if I had been talking to Zilla and your mother is the best friend I have or ever expect to have Aida had sighed deeply and had gone on with her reading in a girlish plaintive voice that was quite different from her ordinary tones unconsciously she had imbibed the idea probably from what she often heard at meeting that anything read or spoken consecutively must be in a tone different from that used in ordinary conversation and she always lifted up her voice into an odd plaintive little monotone that was peculiar but not at all disagreeable it would not have been natural in another but was perfectly so to her and harmonized with her unique character the long words even in the simple stories were often formidable obstacles and she would look up apprehensively and color for fear I might be laughing at her but I took pains to gaze quietly through the window in serene unconsciousness she also stumbled because her thoughts evidently were often far away from the book but at my cordial thanks when finishing the story her face would glow with pleasure and yet she missed something in my thanks or else saw in the quiet manner with which I turned to my letters or paper that which was unsatisfactory and she would sigh as she left the room her gentle patient efforts to please me which oddly combined maidenly shyness and childlike simplicity often touched the depths of my heart and the thought came more than once if this is more than a girlish fancy and time proves that I am essential to her happiness which is extremely doubtful perhaps I can give her enough affection to content a nature like hers but one glimpse of Emily Warren would banish this thought for it seemed as if my very soul were already wedded to her the thought of another is impossible I would mutter she was my fate four or five of the days during which I had been sufficiently strong to sit up had passed away and I was able to give more of my time to my mail and paper and thus to seem preoccupied when Ada came to read I found Zilla also a useful though unconscious ally and I lured her into my room by innumerable stories Rubin and Mr. Yocom were now very busy in their harvest and I saw them chiefly in the evening but they were too tired to stay long time often hung woefully heavy on my hands and I longed to be out of doors again but Mrs. Yocom was prudently inexorable I am sure that she restrained Ada a great deal for she grew less and less demonstrative in manner and I was left more to myself thus a week passed it was Saturday morning and between the harvest without and preparations for Sunday within all the inmates of the farmhouse were very busy the four noon had well nigh passed I had exhausted every expedient to kill time and was looking on the landscape shimmering in the fierce sunlight with an apathy that was dull and leaden in contrast when a low knock caused me to look up but instead of Ada as I expected Miss Warren stood in the doorway they are also busy today she said hesitatingly that I thought I might help you pass an hour or two it seems too bad that you should be left to yourself so long to my disgust, I, who had resolved to be so strong and self-poised in her presence felt that every drop of blood in my body had rushed into my face it certainly must have been very apparent for her colour became vivid also I fear I was having a stupid time I began awkwardly I don't want to make trouble perhaps Mrs. Yocome needs your help no, she said smiling you can't banish me on that ground I've been helping Mrs. Yocome all the morning she's teaching me how to cook I've succeeded in proving that the family would have a fit of indigestion that might prove fatal totally dependent on my performances tell me what you made, I said eagerly am I to have any of it for my dinner indeed you are not, Dr. Bates would have me indicted she looked at me with solicitude for although I had laughed with her I felt ill and faint despairingly I thought I cannot see her and live I must indeed go away so you are coming downstairs tomorrow again we shall give you a welcome that ought to make any man proud Mrs. Yocome is all aglow with her preparations I wish they wouldn't do so I said in a paint tone I'd much rather slip quietly into my old place as if nothing had happened I imagined you would feel so Mr. Morton she said gently but so much has happened that you must let them express their abounding gratitude in their own way they will do them good and they will be the happier for it indeed Ms. Warren that very word gratitude oppresses me there is no occasion for them feeling so why hear them their man could not have done less I merely happen to be here it's all the other way now if ever a man was overwhelmed with kindness I have been how can I ever repay Mrs. Yocome I am equally helpless in that respect but I'm glad to think that between some of our friends the question of repaying may be forgotten I never expect to repay Mrs. Yocome has she done so much for you also yes more than I can tell you well I said trying to laugh if I ever write another paragraph it will be due to her good nursing that is my chief cause for gratitude she said hurriedly the color deepening again in her cheeks if you hadn't if I know of your brave effort to get well too she told me yes Ms. Warren I said quietly I am now doing my best and you are doing nobly so nobly that I am tempted to give you a strong proof of friendship to tell you what I have not told anyone except Mrs. Yocome I feel as if I had rather you heard it from me than casually from others it will show how how I trust you my very heart seemed to stand still and I think my pallor alarmed her but feeling that she had gone too far she continued hurriedly taking a letter from her pocket I expect my friend tonight he's been absent and now writes that he will I shrank involuntarily as if from a blow and with her face full of distress she stopped abruptly summoning the whole strength of my manhood I rallied sufficiently to say in a voice that I knew was unnatural from the stress I was under I congratulate you I trust you may be very happy I had hoped she began I would be if I saw that you were happy you are always hoping I replied trying to laugh that I may become sane and rational haven't you given that up yet I shall be very happy tomorrow and will drink to the health of you both she looked at me very dubiously and the trouble in her face did not pass away let me read to you she said abruptly I brought with me Hawthorne's mosses from an old man's they are not too familiar I trust I cannot hear them too often I said, nerving myself as if for torture she began to read that exquisite little character study the great stone face her voice was sweet and flexible and varied with the thought as if the words had been set to music at first I listened with delight to hear my favorite author so perfectly interpreted but soon, too soon every syllable added to my sense of unutterable loss possibly she intuitively felt my distress possibly she saw it as I tried to look as stoical as an Indian chief who was tortured on every side with burning brands at any rate she stopped and said hesitatingly you, you do not enjoy my reading with a rather grim smile I replied nothing but the truth will answer with you I must admit I do not would, would you like to hear something else she asked in evident embarrassment nothing is better than Hawthorne I said I, I fear I'm not yet strong enough then after a second's hesitation I spoke out despairingly Miss Warren, I may as well recognize the truth at once I never shall be strong enough I've overrated myself goodbye she trembled tears came into her eyes and she silently left the room so abrupt was her departure that it seemed like a flight after she had gone I tottered to my feet with an implication on my weakness and I took an amount of stimulant that Dr. Bates would never have prescribed but it had little effect in stony sullen protest at my fate I sat down again and the hours passed like eternities End of Book 2 Chapter 6 Book 2 Chapter 7 of A Day of Fate by Edward P. Rowe This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by like many waters Book 2 Chapter 7 Old Plod Idealized Ada brought me up my dinner and I at once noted that she was in a flutter of unusual excitement her mother had undoubtedly prepared her for the arrival of the expected guest and made known also his relations to one of whom she had been somewhat jealous and it would seem that the simple hearted girl could not disguise her relation I was in too bitter a mood to endure a word and yet did not wish to hurt her feelings therefore she found me more absorbed in my paper and preoccupied than ever before Thank you Miss Ada I said cordially but briefly editors are wretched company their paper is everything to them and I've something on my mind just now that's very absorbing The isn't strong enough to work yet she said sympathetically Oh yes I replied laughing bitterly I'm a small addition of Samson besides I'm as poor as Job's impoverished turkey and must get to work again as soon as possible There's no need of thee feeling that way Wee and then she stopped and blushed I know all about Wee I laughed Your hearts are as large as this wide valley but then I must keep myself respect you know you have no idea how happy you ought to be in such a home as yours I like the city better She replied blushing and then hastily left the room My greed for work departed as abruptly Poor child I muttered Life is a tangle, as Miss Warren said and a wretched one too for many of us Mrs. Yocom soon after came in and looked with solicitude at my almost untasted dinner Why Richard, she said Thy appetite plagues strangely Isn't thy dinner to thy taste The fault is holy in me, I replied The doesn't look so well, nothing like so well Has Ada said anything to trouble thee? She asked apprehensively No indeed, Ada is just as good and kind as she can be She's becoming as good as she is beautiful Every day increases my respect for her and I spoke earnestly and honestly A faint color stolen to the matron's cheek and she seemed pleased and relieved but she remarked quietly Ada's young and inexperienced then she added with a touch of motherly pride and solicitude She's good at heart and I think is trying to do right She will make a noble woman, Mrs. Yocom one that you may well be proud of or I'm no judge of character I said, with quiet emphasis She and Zilla have both been so kind to me that they already seem like sisters At any rate, after my treatment in this home I shall always feel that I owe to them a brother's duty The color deepened in the old lady's face that was still so fair and comely and tears stood in her eyes I understand thee, Richard, she said quietly I thought I loved thee for saving our lives and our home but I love thee more now Still, they cannot understand a mother's heart These are true gentlemen Dear Mrs. Yocom, you must learn to understand me better or I shall have to run away in self-defense When you talk in that style I feel like an errant hypocrite I give you my word that I've been swearing this very forenoon Who was thee swearing at? She asked in much surprise Myself and with good reason There is never good reason for such wickedness She said gravely, but regarding me with deep solicitude Presently she added Thee has had some great provocation No, I've been honored with unmerited kindness and trust which I have ill-requited Emily Warren has been to see thee Yes Did she tell thee? Yes, and I feel that I could throttle that man Now you know what a heathen savage I am Yes, she said dryly Thee has considerable untamed human nature Then added smiling I'll trust him with thee nevertheless I'm inclined to think that for her sake Thee'd do more for him than for any man living Now wouldn't thee? Oh, Satan, take him, yes, I groaned Forgive me, Mrs. Yocom I'm so unmanned, so desperate from trouble That I'm not fit for decent society much less your company You believe in a providence Why was this woman permitted to enslave my very soul When it was of no use? Richard Morton, she said reproachfully Thee is indeed unmanned, these wholly unjust and unreasonable This gentleman has been Emily Warren's devoted friend for years He has taken care of her little property And done everything for her that her independent spirit would permit He might have sought an alliance among the wealthiest But he has sued long and patiently for her hand Well, he might, I interrupted irritably Emily Warren is the peer of any man in New York Thee knows New York and the world in general well enough To be aware that wealthy bankers do not often seek wives From the class to which Emily belongs Though in my estimation as well as in thine No other class is more respectable And I think it speaks well for him That he is able to recognize and honor worth wherever he finds it Still, he knew her family The Warrens were quite wealthy too at one time What is his name, I asked sullenly Gilbert Hearn What, Hearn the banker, who resides on Fifth Avenue The same I know him, that is, I know who he is Well, then I added bitterly It's just like him, he has always had the good things of this world And always will, he'll surely marry her Has the anything against him? Yes, infinitely much against him I feel as if he were seeking to marry my wife That's what Thee said when out of thy mind She exclaimed apprehensively I hope Thee is not becoming feverish Oh, no Mrs. Yocome, I've nothing against him at all He is preeminently respectable as the world goes He is shrewd, wonderfully shrewd And always makes a tin strike in Wall Street But this securing Miss Warren was a master stroke There I'm talking slang and disgracing myself generally But my bitter spirit broke out again in the words Never fear, Gilbert Hearn will have the best in the city Nothing less will serve him Thee is prejudiced and unjust I hope Thee'll be in a better mood tomorrow And she left my room looking hurt and grieved I sank back in my chair in wretched reckless apathy And from the depths of my heart wished I had died After a little time Mrs. Yocome came hastily in Looking half ashamed of her weakness And in her hands was a bowl of delicious broth My heart relents toward thee, she said with moist eyes I ought to have made more allowance For one whose mother left him much too early Take this every drop and remember thy pledge To get well and be a generous man I'll trust thee to keep thy word And she departed before I could speak Well, I should be a devil incarnate If I didn't become a man after her kindness I muttered and I gulped down the broth And my evil mood at the same time At the end of an hour I could almost Have shaken hands with Gilbert Hearn Who prospered in all that he touched As the sun declined I heard the rustle of a silk On the stairway, a moment later Miss Warren Mounted the horse block and stood waiting For Reuben, who appeared in the family rockaway I thought the maiden looked a trifle pale In contrast with her light silk But perhaps it was the shadow of the tree She stood under, but I muttered Even his critical taste can find no fault In that form and grace She'll grace his princely home And none will recognize the truth More clearly than he She hesitatingly lifted her eyes toward my window And I started back, forgetting that I was hidden By the half-closed blind But my face suffused with pleasure As I said to myself Heaven bless her, she does not forget me Holy, even on the threshold of her happiness At that moment old plod Through the yard in his early Saturday release From toil gave a loud whinny of recognition The young girl started visibly Sprang lightly down from the block And caressed her great heavy-footed pet And then, without another glance At my window entered the rockaway And was driven rapidly toward the distant depot At which she would welcome The most fortunate man in the world I now felt sure that I had guessed Her association with the old plow horse And so hearted as I was I laughed long and silently over the quaint fancy Truly, I muttered, the courtly and elegant banker Would not feel flattered if he knew about it How in the world did she ever come To unite the two in her mind But as I thought it all over I was led to conclude that it was natural enough The lonely girl had no doubt found out That even in the best society of a Christian city She must ever be warily on her guard She was beautiful and yet poor and apparently friendless And as she had intimated She had found many of the young and gay Ready to flatter and with anything but sincere motives The banker, considerably her senior Had undoubtedly proved himself a quiet, steadfast friend He was not the fool to neglect her As did those stupid horses For any oats the world could offer And she always found him, like old plod Ready to drop everything for her, and well he might No matter how devoted he has been He can never plume himself on any magnanimity I said to myself, she probably finds him A trifle formal and sedate And rather lacking in ideality Just as old plod is very stolid till she appears But then he is safe and strong And very kind to a friendless girl Who might well shrink from the vicissitudes of her lot And would naturally be attracted by the protection And position which he could offer In spite of the disparity of years A woman might easily love a man who could do so much for her And the banker is still well preserved and handsome Of course Emily Warren does love him All the wealth of Wall Street could not buy her Yes, in a world full of lightning flashes She has made a thrifty and excellent choice I may as well own it In spite of every motive to prejudice Gilbert Turn is not my ideal man by any means Good things are essential to him He would feel personally aggrieved if the weather was bad For two days in succession He is very charitable and public spirited And he likes our paper to recognize the fact I have proof of that too Alms given in the dark are not exactly wasted But I'm thinking scandal He so likes to let his light so shine He's respectability personified And the toil-worn girl will be taken into an arc of safety I suppose I ought to be magnanimous enough To think that it's all for the best Since he can do infinitely more for her than I ever could She will be the millionaire's wife And I'll go back to my dingy little office And write paragraphs heavy enough to sink a corkship Thus we'll end my June idol But should I live a century I will always feel That Gilbert Turn married my wife Suddenly an impulse seized me And I resolved to obey it If I can go downstairs tomorrow I can go just as well tonight, I said And go I will, she shall not have a shadow On her first evening with her lover And she's too good-hearted to enjoy it wholly If she thinks I'm moping and sighing in my room Moreover, I shall not let my shadows Make a background for the banker's general prosperity Stately and patronizing he cannot help being And Miss Warren may lead him to think That he is under some obligation to me I wish he might never hear of it But by Vulcan and his sledge He shall have no cause to pity me While he unctuously rubs his hands in self-fulicitation As far as my strength permitted I made a careful toilet and sat down to wait As the sun sank below the horizon The banker appeared Very appropriate, I muttered, But his presence would make it dark at midday Miss Warren was talking with animation And pointing out the surrounding objects of interest And he was listening with a wonderfully complacent smile On his smooth, full face How prosperous he looks, I muttered The idea of anything going contrary to his will or wishes Then I saw that a little girl sat on the front seat with Ruben And that he was letting her drive But with his hand hovering near the reins Mr. and Mrs. Yocom came out and greeted Mr. Hearn cordially And he in return was very benign For it was evident that, in their place and station He found them agreeable people and quite to his mind Why doesn't he take off his hat to Mrs. Yocom As if she were a duchess, I growled That trunk that fills half the rock away Doesn't look as if he had come to spend Sunday only Perhaps we are destined to make a happy family I wonder who the little girl is The banker was given what was known as the parlor bedroom On the ground floor, and I heard Ada taking the little girl to her room Miss Warren did not glance at my window on her return She would have been happy enough had I remained here And sighed like a furnace, I muttered grimly Well idiot, why shouldn't she be She had evidently lingered to say something to Mrs. Yocom But I soon heard her light step pass up to her room Now's my chance, I thought Mrs. Yocom is preparing for supper and all the rest are out of the way And I slipped down the stairs with noiseless and rather unsteady tread Excitement however lent me a transient strength And I felt as if the presence of the banker would give me sinews of steel I entered the parlor unobserved and taking my old seat From which I had watched the approach of the memorable storm I waited events The first one to appear was the banker rubbing his hands in a way that suggested A habit of complacency and self-fellicitation He started slightly on seeing me and then said graciously Mr. Morton, I presume? You are correct, Mr. Hearn I congratulate you on your safe arrival Thanks, I've traveled considerably and have never met with an accident Glad to see you are able to be down For from what I heard I feared you had not sufficiently recovered I'm much better today, sir, I replied briefly Well, this air, these scenes ought to impart health and content I'm greatly pleased already and congratulate myself on finding so pleasant a place of summer sojourn It will form a delightful contrast to great hotels and jostling crowds I now saw Miss Warren through the half-open door talking to Mrs. Yocom They evidently thought the banker was conversing with Mr. Yocom Instead of youthful ardor and bubbling happiness The girl's face had a grave sedate aspect that comported well with her coming dignities Then she looked distressed Was Mrs. Yocom telling her of my profane and awful mood I lent an inattentive ear to Mr. Hearn's excellent reasons for satisfaction with his present abode And in the depths of my soul I thought, if she's worrying about me now, how good-hearted she is I already foresee Mr. Hearn proceeded, in his full-orbed tones That it will also be just the place for my little girl, safe and quiet With very nice people to associate with Yes, I said emphatically, they are nice people, the best I ever knew Miss Warren started violently, took a step toward the door, then paused, and Mrs. Yocom entered first Why Richard Morton, she exclaimed, what does they mean by this imprudence? I mean to eat a supper that will astonish you, I replied, laughing But I didn't give thee leave to come down You said I could come tomorrow, so I haven't disobeyed in spirit Miss Warren still stood in the hall, but seeing that I had recognized her she came forward and gave me her hand as she said No one is more glad than I that you are able to come down Her words were very quiet, but the pressure of her hand was so warm as to surprise me And I also noted that what must have been a vivid color was fading from her usually pale face I saw too that Mr. Hearn was watching us keenly Oh, but you are shrewd, I thought, I wish you had cause to suspect I returned her greeting with great apparent frankness and cordiality as I replied Oh, I'm much better tonight and as jolly as Mark Tapley Well, ejaculated Mrs. Yocom The has stolen a march on us, but I'm afraid they'll be the worst for it Ah, Mrs. Yocom, I laughed, your captive has escaped, I'm going to meeting with you tomorrow No thee isn't, I feel as if I ought to take thee right back to thy room Mr. Yocom, I cried to the old gentleman who now stood staring at me in the doorway I appeal to you, can't I stay down to supper? How's this? How's this? he exclaimed We were going to give thee a grand ovation tomorrow, and mother had planned a dinner that might content an alderman Or a banker, I thought, as I glanced at Mr. Hearn's ample waistcoat, but I leaned back in my chair and laughed heartily as I said You cannot get me back to my room, Mrs. Yocom, now that I know I've escaped an ovation I'd rather have a toothache But does thee really feel strong enough? Oh yes, I never felt better in my life I don't know what to make of thee, she said with a puzzled look No, I replied, you little knew what a case I was when you took me in hand I'll stand up for thee, friend Morton, thee shall stay down to supper and have what thee pleases thee may as well give in, mother, he's out from under thy thumb My dear sir, you talk as if you were out too, I fear our mutiny may go too far Tomorrow is Sunday, Mrs. Yocom, and I'll be as good as I know how all day, which, after all, is not promising much It must be very delightful for you to have secured such good friends, began Mr. Hearn, who perhaps felt that he had stood too long in the background I congratulate you, at the same time, Mr. and Mrs. Yocom, with a courtly bend toward them I do not wonder at your feelings, for Emily has told me that Mr. Morton behaved very handsomely during that occasion of peril Did I? I remarked with a rye face I was under the impression that I looked very ridiculous, and I turned a quick mischievous glance toward Miss Warren, who seemed well content to remain in the background Yes, she said, laughing, your appearance did not comport with your deeds I'm not so sure about that, I replied dryly, at any rate I much prefer the present to remniscences I trust that you will permit me as one of the most interested parties to thank you also, began Mr. Hearn impressively No indeed, sir, I exclaimed a little brusquely, thanks do not agree with my constitution at all Hurrah! cried Rubin, looking in at the parlor window Yes, here's the man to thank, I resumed Even after being struck by lightning, he was equal to the emergency No, they don't, Richard, laughed Rubin, they need to think these going to palm that thing off on me, we've all come to our senses now For some reason Miss Warren laughed heartily, and then said to me You look so well and genial tonight, that I do begin to think it was some other tramp I fear I'm the same old tramp, for as Rubin says, we have all come to our senses They didn't lose thysenses, Richard, till after thee was sick To us mighty lucky thee wasn't struck, explained the matter of fact Rubin You must permit me to echo the young lad's sentiment, said Mr. Hearn feelingly It was really a providence that you escaped, and kept such a cool clear head I fear I made another very rye face, as I looked out of the window Rubin evidently had not liked the term young lad, but as he saw my expression he burst out laughing as he said What's the matter, Richard? I guess thee thinks thee had the worst of it after all So thee has, broke out Mr. Yocum, they didn't know what an awful scrape I was getting thee into when I brought thee home from meeting Never was a stranger so taken in before, I don't believe thee'll ever go to friend's meeting again And the old gentleman laughed heartily, but tear stood in his eyes In spite of myself my color was rising, and I saw that Mrs. Yocum and Miss Warren looked uncomfortably conscious of what must be in my mind But I joined in his laugh as I replied You are mistaken, had I a profit's eye I would have come home with you, the kindness received in this home has repaid me a thousand times With a sick bear on their hands Mrs. Yocum and Miss Ada were in a worse scrape than I Well, thee hasn't growled as much as I expected, laughed Mrs. Yocum And now these a very amiable bear indeed, and shall have thy supper at once And she turned to depart, smiling to herself, but met in the doorway Ada and the little stranger, a girl of about the same age as Zilla, with large vivid black eyes and long hair Zilla was following her timidly, with a face full of intense interest in her new companion But the moment she saw me, she ran and sprang into my arms, and, forgetful of all others, cried gladly Oh, I'm so glad, so glad these well The impulse must have been strong to make so shy a child forget the presence of strangers I whispered in her ear, I told you that your kiss would make me well Yes, but thee said Emily Warren's roses too, protested the little girl Did I, I replied, laughing, well, there's no escaping the truth in this house I dared not look at Miss Warren, but saw that Mr. Hearn's eyes were on her Confound him, I thought, can he be full enough to be jealous Ada still stood hesitatingly in the doorway, as if she dared not trust herself to enter I put Zilla down, and crossing the room in a free frank manner, I took her hand cordially as I said Miss Ada, I must thank you next to Mrs. Yocom that I am able to be down this evening, and that I am getting well so fast You have been the best of nurses, and just as kind and considerate as a sister I'm going to have the honor of taking you out to supper I placed her hand on my arm, and its thrill and tremble touched my very soul In my thoughts I said, it's all a wretched muddle, and, as the banker said, mysterious enough to be a providence But at that moment the ways of providence seemed very bright to the young girl, and she saw Mr. Hearn escorting Miss Warren with undisguised complacency As the latter took her seat I ventured to look at her, and if ever a woman's eyes were eloquent with warm approving friendliness hers were I seemingly had done the very thing she would have wished me to do, as we bowed our heads in grace I was graceless enough to growl under my breath My attentions to Ada are evidently very satisfactory, can she imagine for a moment, does she take me for a weathervane When grace was over I glanced toward her again, a trifle indignantly, but her face now was quiet and pale, and I was compelled to believe that for the rest of the evening she avoided my eyes and all references to the past Why mother, exclaimed Mr. Yocom from the head of the table, thy cheeks are as red, why, thee looks like a young girl Thee knows I'm very much pleased tonight, she said Does thee remember Richard when thee first sat down to supper with us? Indeed I do, never shall I forget my trepidation, lest Mr. Yocom should discover whom in his unsuspecting hospitality he was harboring Well I've discovered, laughed the old gentleman, good is always coming out of Nazareth It seems to me that we've met before, remarked Mr. Hearn graciously and reflectively Yes sir, I explained, as a reporter I called on you once or twice for information Ah, now it comes back to me, yes, yes, I remember, and I also remember that you did not extract the information as if it had been a tooth Your manner was not that of a professional interviewer, you must meet with disagreeable experiences in your calling Yes sir, but perhaps that is true of all callings Yes, no doubt, no doubt, but it has seemed to me that a reporter's lot must frequently bring him in contact with much that is disagreeable Mr. Morton is not a reporter, said Ada a trifle indignantly He's the editor of a first-class paper Indeed, exclaimed Mr. Hearn, growing much more benign, why, Emily, you did not tell me that No, I only spoke of Mr. Morton as a gentleman I imagine that Ms. Warren thinks that I have mistaken my calling and that I ought to be a gardener That's an odd impression, Mr. Yocom would not even trust you to weed, she retorted quickly I have a fellow feeling for weeds, they grow so easily and naturally, but I must correct your impressions Ms. Ada I'm not the dignitary you imagine, only an editor, and an obscure night one at that Your night work on one occasion bears the light very well, I hope it may be the earnest of the future, said Mr. Hearn impressively I felt that he had a covert meaning, for he had glanced more than once at Ms. Warren when he spoke And I imagined him a little anxious as to our mutual impressions I feel it's my duty to set you right also, Mr. Hearn, I replied with quiet emphasis, for I wished to end all future reference to that occasion Through Mr. and Mrs. Yocom's kindness I happened to be an inmate of the farmhouse that night I merely did what any man would have done, and could have done just as well My action involved no personal peril and no hardship worth naming My illness resulted from my own folly, I'd been overworking or overworked, as so many in my calling are Conscious that I am not in the least heroic, I do not wish to be imagined a hero Mrs. Yocom knows what a bear I've been, I concluded with a humorous nod toward her Yes, I know Richard, she said, quietly smiling After this statement in prose, Mr. Hearn, you will not be led to expect more from me than from any ordinary mortal Indeed, sir, I like your modesty, your self-depreciation I beg your pardon, I interrupted a little decisively I hope you do not think my words had any leaning toward affectation, I wished to state the actual truth My friends here have become too kind and partial to give a correct impression Mr. Hearn waved his hand very benignly and his smile was graciousness itself, as he said I think I understand you, sir, and respect your sincerity, I've been led to believe that you cherish a high and scrupulous sense of honour And that trait counts with me far more than all others I understood him well Oh, you are shrewd, I thought, but I'd like to know what obligations I'm under to you I merely bowed a trifle coldly to his tribute and suggestive statement, and turned the conversation As I swept my eyes around the table a little later, I thought Miss Warren looked paler than usual Does she understand his precautionary measures, I thought He'd better beware, she would not endure distrust And of Book Second, Chapter Eight Book Second, Chapter Nine of A Day of Fate by Edward P. Rowe This livervox recording is in the public domain, recording by like many waters Book Second, Chapter Nine of Wretched Failure The excitement that had sustained me was passing away, and I felt myself growing miserably weak and depressed The remainder of the meal was a desperate battle, in which I think I succeeded fairly I talked, that it might not be noticed that I was eating very little Joked with Mr. Yocom until the old gentleman was ready and tremulous with laughter And made Ruben happy by applauding one of Dappel's exploits, the history of which was easily drawn from him I spoke often to both Ada and Zilla, and tried to be as frank and unconscious in one case as the other I even made the acquaintance of Mr. Hearn's little girl Indeed, her father formally presented her to me as his daughter Adela I knew nothing of his domestic history, and gained no clue as to the length of the widowhood Which he now proposed to end as speedily as possible I was amused by his not infrequent glances at Ada He evidently had a keen eye for beauty, as for every other good thing of this world And he was not so desperately enamored, but that he could stealthily and critically compare the diverse charms of the two girls And I imagined I saw a slight accession to his complacency, as his judgment gave its verdict for the one toward whom he manifested proprietorship by a manner that was courtly, deferential, but quite pronounced A stranger present could never have doubted their relationship A brief discussion arose as to taste, in which Mr. Hearn assumed the ground that nothing could take the place of much observation and comparison By means of which effects and color could be accurately learned and valued In reply I said, theories and facts do not always harmonize any more than colors Miss Ada's youth and rural life have not given her much opportunity for observation and comparison, and yet few ladies on your avenue have truer eyes for harmony and color than she Mr. Morton, being the judge, said the banker with a profound and smiling bow Permit me to add that Miss Ada has at this moment only to glance in a mirror to obtain an idea of perfect harmony and color, and his eyes lingered admiringly on her face I was worsted in this encounter, and I saw the old gleam of mirthfulness in Miss Warren's eyes How well I remembered when I first saw that evanescent illumination, the quick flash of a bright, genial spirit She delights in her lover's keen thrusts, was now my thought, and is pleased to think I'm no match for him She should remember that it's a poor time for a man to tilt, when he can scarcely sit erect But Ada's pleasure was unalloyed, she had received two decided compliments, and she found herself associated with me in the newcomer's mind and by my own actions I frankly admit, I said, that I'm a partial judge and perhaps a very incompetent one Then I was stupid enough to add, but newspaper men are prone to have opinions Mr. Yocom was so sarcastic as to say that there was nothing under heaven that an editor did not know Oh, if you judge by her father's authority, you are on safe ground, and I yield at once He had now gone too far, and I fleshed angrily as we rose from the table I saw too that Mr. and Mrs. Yocom did not like it either, and that Ada was blushing painfully It was one of those attempted woodicisms that must be simply ignored My anxiety now was to get back to my room as speedily as possible Again I had overrated myself, the excitement of the effort was gone, and my heart was like lead I too would no longer permit my eyes to rest even a moment on one whose ever-present image was only too vivid in spite of my constant effort to think of something else For so complete was my enthrallment that it was intolerable pain to see her the object of another man's preferred attentions I knew it was all right, I was not jealous in the ordinary sense of the word I merely found myself unable longer in my weak condition to endure in her presence the consequences of my fatal blunder Therefore I saw with pleasure that I might in a few moments have a chance to slip back to my refuge as quickly as I had left it Mrs. Yocom was summoned to the kitchen, a farm laborer was inquiring for her husband, and he and Reuben went out toward the barn Ada would have lingered, but the two children pulled her away to the swing Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren stood by me a moment or two as I sat on the lounge in the hall, and then the former said Emily, this is just the time for a twilight walk, come and show me the old garden And he took her away with an air of proprietorship at which I sickened, to that place consecrated by my first conscious vision of the woman that I had hoped would be my fair eve The moment they were off the porch I tottered to the stairway and managed to reach the turn of the landing, and there my strength failed, and I held on to the railing for support, feeling ill and faint A light step came quickly through the hall and up the stairway Why, Mr. Morton, exclaimed Miss Warren, you are not going up so soon Yes, thank you, I managed to say cheerly Invalids must be prudent, I'm only resting on the landing a little I found it rather cool and damp and so came back for a shawl, she explained and passed on up to her room, for she seemed a little embarrassed at meeting me on the stairs In her absence I made a desperate effort to go on, but found that I would fall, I must wait till she returned and then crawl up the best I could You see, I'm prudence personified, I laughed, as she came back I'm taking it so leisurely that I have even sat down about it Are you not overtaxing yourself, she asked gently I fear Oh, no indeed, we'll sleep all the better for a change, Mr. Hearn is waiting for you and the twilight isn't Don't worry, I'll surpass Sampson in a week She looked at me keenly and hesitatingly passed down the dusky stairway, then I turned and tried to crawl on, eager to gain my room without revealing my condition, but when I reached the topmost stair it seemed that I could not go on any further if my life depended on it With an irritable imprecation on my weakness I sank down on the topmost step Mr. Morton said a low voice, why did you try to deceive me, you have gone far beyond your strength You hear, you of all others, I broke out in tones of exasperation I meant that your first evening should be without a shadow and I have failed, as I now fail in everything Call Ruben Let me help you, she pleaded in the same hurried voice No, I replied harshly and I leaned heavily against the wall She held out her hand to aid me but I would not take it I've no right to even look at you, I, who have been doubly enjoined to cherish such a scrupulous sense of honour I'd better have died a thousand times, call Ruben How can I leave you so ill and unhappy, and she made a gesture of protest and distress, whose strong effect was only intensified by the obscurity I had hoped you led me to think tonight That I was a weathervane, thank you Steps were heard entering the hall Oh, oh, she exclaimed in bitter protest Emily called the banker's voice, are you not very long I seized her hand to detain her and said in a fierce whisper Never so humiliate me as to let him know, go at once, someone will find me Your hand is like ice, she breathed I ignored her presence, leaned back and closed my eyes She paused a single instant longer and then with a firm decisive bearing turned and passed quietly down the stairway What in the world has kept you, Mr. Hearn asked a trifle impatiently Can you tell me where Ruben is, she answered in a clear firm voice that she knew I must hear What does he want, Emily, cried Ruben from the piazza Mr. Morton wishes to see you, she replied, in the same tone that she would have used had my name been Mrs. Eocomes, and then she passed out with her affianced Ruben almost ran over me as he came bounding up the stairs Hold on, old fellow, I whispered and I pulled him down beside me Can you keep a secret, I'm played out, Ruben, to speak elegantly, and I don't wish a soul to know it I'm sitting very comfortably on this step, you see, that's the way it looks, but I'm stuck, hard aground You'll have to tow me off, but not a word remember, lift me up, let me get my arm around your neck There, lucky I'm not heavy, slow and easy now, that's it Ah, thank the Lord, I'm in my refuge again, I felt like a scotched snake that couldn't wriggle back to its hole Hand me that brandy there, like a good fellow, now I won't keep you any longer, if you care, for me, never speak of this Please let me tell Mother No, indeed But doesn't Emily Warren know? She knows I wanted to see you Please let me do something or get thee something No, just leave me to myself a little while and I'll be all right Go at once, that's a good fellow Oh, Richard, thee shouldn't have come down, thee looks so pale and sick that I'm afraid they'll die yet, if thee does they'll break all our hearts And the warm-hearted boy burst out crying and ran and locked himself in his room I was not left alone very long, for Mrs. Yokom soon entered, saying I'm glad thee so prudent and has returned to thy room, thee acted very generously tonight and I appreciate it I had no idea thee could be so strong and carry it out so well Emily was greatly surprised, but she enjoyed her first evening far more than she otherwise could have done For she's one of the most kind-hearted, sensitive girls I ever knew I do believe it would have killed her if thee hadn't got well But thee looks kind of weak and faint as far as I can see, let me light the lamp for thee No, Mrs. Yokom, I like the desk best, the light draws moths, they will come, you know, the stupid things, though certain to be scorched One in the room at a time is enough, don't worry, I'm a little tired, that's all, sleep is all I need Is thee sure? Yes, indeed, don't trouble about me, you won't know me in a few days Thee was a brave generous man tonight, Richard, I understood the effort thee was making, and I think Emily did A good conscience ought to make thee sleep well I laughed very bitterly as I said My conscience is gut a percha tonight, through and through, but please say no more or I'll have to shock you again I'll be in a better mood tomorrow Well, good night, Thee'll excuse a housekeeper on seventh day evening, if thee wants anything, ring thy bell She came and stroked my brow gently for a moment and then breathed softly God bless thee, Richard, may the Sabbath's peace quiet thy heart tomorrow I awoke late Sunday morning and found Reuben watching beside me Thee's better isn't thee, he asked eagerly Well, I ought to be You're a good fellow, Reuben, what time is it? Nearly night again, I hope Oh, no, it's only about eleven, they're all gone to meeting, I made them leave you in my care Eight o'clock in the morning, I woke late Sunday morning and found Reuben watching beside me They're all gone to meeting, I made them leave you in my care Eight o'clock would have stayed, but mother told her she was to go Emily Warren's grandfather wanted to go spooning off in the woods, but she made him go to meeting too I don't see how she ever came to like him with his grand heirs She has good reasons, rest assured Well, he ain't the kind of man I'd go for if I was a girl Miss Warren is not the girl to go for any man, Reuben He had to seek her long and patiently But that's their affair, we have nothing to do with it I thought thee was taken with her at first, said Reuben innocently I do admire Miss Warren very much, now as much as ever I admire a great many ladies, especially your mother I never knew a truer kinder lady And if it had not been for thee, Richard, she might have been burned up And tears came into his eyes Oh, no, Reuben, you could have got them all out easily enough I fear I would have lost my head No, you wouldn't, you are not that kind Please say no more about that affair, I've heard too much of it Does he think they'll be able to come down to dinner? Mother and father and all of us will be awfully disappointed if thee isn't Yes, I'll come down if you'll stand by me and help me back when I give you the wink I won't go down till dinner's ready After it's over, you can help me out under some tree, I'm just wild to get out of doors I had a consuming desire to retreat myself and prove that I was not weakness personified And I passed through the ordeal of dinner much better than I expected Mr. Hearn was benignness itself, but I saw that he was very observant The shrewd Wall Street man had the eye of an eagle when his interests were concerned And he very naturally surmised that no one could have seen so much of Miss Warren as I had And still remain entirely indifferent Besides, he may have detected something in my manner Or imagined that the peculiar events of the past few weeks had made us better acquainted than he cared to have us Miss Warren's greeting was cordial, but her manner toward me was so quiet and natural that he had no cause for complaint And I felt that I had rather be drawn asunder by wild horses than give him a clue to my feelings I took a seat next to Mr. Yocom, and we chatted quietly most of the time The old gentleman was greatly pleased about something, and it soon came out that Mr. Hearn had promised him $500 to put a new roof on the meeting house And make other improvements I drew all the facts readily from the zealous friend, together with quite a history of the old meeting house For I proposed to make a complementary item of the matter in my paper, well knowing how grateful such incense was to the banker's soul Mr. Hearn, who sat nearest to us, may have heard my questions and defined my purpose, for he was peculiarly gracious I was not able to do very much justice to Mrs. Yocom's grand dinner, but was unstinted in my praise The banker made amends for my inability, and declared he had never enjoyed such a repast, even at Delmonico's I thought Miss Warren's appetite flagged a little, but to the utmost extent of my power I kept my eyes and thoughts from her After dinner Rubin helped me to a breezy knoll behind the dwelling, and spreading some robes from the carriage-house under a wide branching tree Left me at my request to myself The banker now had his way and carried Miss Warren off to a distant grove I would not look at them as they went down the lane together, but shut my eyes and tried to breathe in life and health Ada read to the two little girls for some time, and then came hesitatingly toward me I feigned sleep, for I was too weak and miserable to treat the girl as she deserved She stood irresolutely a moment or two, and then slowly and lingeringly returned to the house My feigning soon became reality, and when I awoke Rubin was sitting beside me, and I found had covered me well to guard against the dampness of the declining day You are always on hand when I need you most, I said smilingly I think I will go back to my room now, while able to make a respectable retreat I saw Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren entering the house, and thought that they had had a long afternoon together, but that time no doubt had passed more quickly with them than with me, even though I had slept for hours When reaching the parlor door I saw Miss Warren at the piano She turned so quickly as almost to give me the impression that she was waiting to intercept me Would you not like to hear your favorite nocturne again, she asked with a friendly smile I hesitated and half entered the parlor, her face seemed to light up with pleasure at my compliance How divine she appeared in the quaint simple room, I felt that I would gladly give the best years of my life for the right to sit there and feast my eyes on a grace and beauty that to me were indescribable and irresistible But the heavy tread of the banker in the adjoining room reminded me that I had no right, that to see her and to listen would soon become unendurable pain I had twice been taught my weakness Thank you, I said with a short dry laugh I'm sorely tempted, but it's time I learned that for me discretion is certainly the better part of valor, and I turned away, but not too soon to see that her face grew sad and wistful Heaven bless her kind heart, I muttered as I wearily climbed the stairs Ada brought me up my supper long before the others were through, and I felt a faint remorse that I had faint sleep in the afternoon, even though my motive had been consideration for her as truly as for myself Miss Ada, I exclaimed, you are growing much too unselfish, why didn't you get your supper first I've had all I wish, I'm not hungry tonight Truly you look as if you lived on roses, but you can't thrive long on such unsubstantial diet It was real good of you to read to those children so long If I had been an artist I would have made a sketch of you three, you and that little dark-eyed girl make a lovely contrast I like her, she said simply, I feel as if I wanted someone to pet, can't I read to you while you eat your supper I'd rather have you talk to me, what do you think of the little girl's father I haven't thought much about him I wish you could see his house in New York, it's a superb one, and on your favorite Fifth Avenue Yes I know, she replied absently I should think you would envy Miss Warren I don't, she said emphatically, the man is more than the house I don't think you would have said that a month ago I fear not, I fear thee didn't like me that Sunday afternoon when I was so self-satisfied, I've thought it over Indeed Miss Ada, I would gladly be struck by lightning myself if it would change me for the better as greatly as you are changed It wasn't the lightning, she said, blushing and slowly shaking her head I've been thinking Ah, I laughed, you are shrewd, if women only knew it, there's nothing that gives beauty like thought, and it's a charm that increases every year Well, I continued with the utmost frankness I do like you now, and what is more I honestly respect you When you come to New York again, I am going to ask your mother to trust me as if I were your older brother, and I'll take you to see and hear much that I'm sure you'll enjoy Oh, that will be splendid, she cried gladly I know mother will let me go with thee, because, because, well, she says thee is a gentleman Do you know Miss Ada, I'd rather have your mother say that, than have all Mr. Hearn's thousands But your mother judges me leniently, to tell you the honest truth, I've come lately to have a very poor opinion of myself I feel that I would have been a much better man, if in past years I had seen more of such people as dwell in this house They remember what father said to thee, she replied shyly with downcast eyes This is thy home hereafter She looks now, I thought, as if she might fulfill the dream I wove about her on that memorable day when I first saw her in the meeting-house How perverse my fate has been, giving me that for which I might well thank God on my knees, and yet which my heart refuses, and withholding that which will impoverish my whole life Why must the heart be so imperious and self-willed in these matters? An elderly gentleman would say, everything is just right as it is It would be the absurdity of folly for Miss Warren to give a permagnificent prospects, because of your sudden and sickly sentiment And what more could you ask or wish than this beautiful girl whose womanhood has awakened and developed under your very eyes, almost as unconsciously as if a rosebud had opened and shown you its heart Indeed, but a brief time since I would have berated any friend of mine who would not take the sensible course which would make all happy If I could but become sane and reasonable as Miss Warren would say, how she would beam upon me, and the thought of my disappointment and woe-begone aspect banished How serenely she would go toward her bright future And yet in taking this sane and sensible course I would be false to my very soul False to this simple true-hearted girl, to whom I could give but a cold hollow pretense in return for honest love I would become an errant hypocrite, devoid of honor and self-respect Heaven bless you, Ada, I murmured, I love you too well for all your kindness and goodness to pretend to love you so ill Thoughts like these passed through my mind as I thanked her for all that she had done for me, and told her of such phases of New York life as I thought would interest her She listened with so intent and childlike an expression on her face that I could scarcely realize that I was talking to one in whose bosom beat the heart of a woman I felt rather as if I were telling Zilla a fairy story Still, I had faith in her intuition, and believed that after I was gone she would recognize and accept the frank brotherly regard that I now cherished toward her Reuben was not very long in joining us, and Boylike did not note that his sister evidently wished him far away My greeting was so cordial that she noted with a sigh that I did not regard him as the unwelcome third party Then Mr. Yocom and the little girls came to the door and asked if there were room for a crowd Soon after Mrs. Yocom appeared, with her comely face ready from exercise I've hurried all I could, she said, but thee knows how it is with housekeepers, and yet how should thee know, living all thy life alone in dens as thee said Why, thee's having a reception I fear your guests downstairs will feel neglected Mrs. Yocom Don't thee worry about that Richard, Mr. Yocom said laughing I'm not so old mother, but I can remember when we could get through an evening together without help from anybody I reckon we could do so again, eh mother, ha ha, so thee isn't too old to blush yet How's that Richard for a young girl of sixty Don't thee worry about Emily Warren, I fear that any one of us would make a large crowd in the old parlor This was sorry comfort, and I fear that my laugh was anything but honest While Mrs. Yocom stared out of the window, at which she sat, fanning herself, with a fixedness that I well understood But they were all so kind and hearty that I could no more give way to dejection than to chill and cheerlessness before a genial would fire They seemed in truth to have taken me into the family Barely was I now addressed formally as Richard Morton, it was simply Richard, spoken with the unpremeditated friendliness characteristic of family intercourse Even though I was, I thanked God that he had brought me among these true-hearted people And may he blast me, I muttered, if I ever relapse into the old sneering cynicism that I once affected Let me at least leave that vice to half-pledged young men, and to bald old men One thing puzzled me, Miss Warren remained at her piano, and it struck me as a little odd that she did not find the music of her lover's voice preferable But I concluded that music was one of the strongest bonds of sympathy between them, and one of the means by which he had won her affection Sometimes, as her voice rose clear and sweet to my open windows, I answered remarks addressed to me within an aptness that only Mrs. Yocom understood Before very long that considerate lady looked into my face a moment and then said decisively Richard, thee is getting tired, we must all bid thee good night at once Ada looked almost resentfully at her mother and lingered a little behind the others As they passed out she stepped hastily back, and unclasping a rosebud from her breast-pin, laid it on the table beside me It was the last one I could find in the garden, she said breathlessly, and with its color in her cheeks, before I could speak she was gone It shall be treated with reverence, like the feeling which led to the gift, I murmured sadly, heaven grant that it may be only the impulse of a girlish fancy And I filled a little vase with water and placed the bud near the window where the cool night air could blow upon it Still Miss Warren remained at the piano How singularly fond of music he is, I thought I darkened my room and sat at the window that I might hear every note The old garden, half hidden by trees, looked cool and Eden-like in the light of the July moon A thorny silver hemisphere, fleecy clouds were drifting like the traces of thought across a bright face Motionless shadows stretched toward the east, from which the new day would come, but with a dreary sinking of heart I felt as if each coming day would bring a heavier burden But a little time passed before I recognized Chopin's nocturne, to which I had listened with kindling hope on the night of the storm Was it my own mood, or did she play it with far more pathos and feeling, than on that never-to-be-forgotten evening Be that as it may, it evoked a fiercer storm of unavailing passion and regret in my mind In bitterness of heart I groaned aloud and insulted God It was a cruel and terrible thing, I charged, to mock a creature with such a hope, but why was such power over me given to her when it was of no use But I will say no more of that hour of weak human idolatry It was a revelation to me of the depths of despair and wretchedness into which one can sink when unsustained by manly fortitude or Christian principle It is in such desperate irrational moods that undisciplined ill-balanced souls thrust themselves out from the light of God's sunshine and the abundant possibilities of future good I now look back on that hour with shame and cannot excuse it even by the fact that I was enfeebled in mind as well as body by disease We often never know ourselves or our need until after we have failed miserably under the stress of some strong temptation I was the worst the next day for my outburst of passion and the wretched night that followed and did not leave my room But I was grim and rigid in my purpose to retrieve myself I appeared to be occupied with my mail and paper much of the day, and I wrote a very complimentary paragraph concerning the banker's gift for the meeting-house Mr. Hearn and Ms. Warren were outriding much of the time, I saw them drive away with a lowering brow, and was not disarmed of my bitterness because I saw, through the half-closed blinds, that the young girl stole a swift glance at my window Ada was pleased as she saw how I was caring for her gift, but I puzzled and disheartened her by my preoccupation and taciturnity She took the children off on a long ramble in the afternoon and heaped coals of fire on my head by bringing me an exquisite collection of ferns The next morning I went down to breakfast resolving to take my place in the family and make no more trouble during the brief remainder of my stay I proposed to go back to the city as soon as I had shown enough manhood to satisfy my pride and had made Ms. Warren believe that she could dismiss her solicitude on my account and thus enjoy the happiness which apparently I had clouded As I saw her pale face again I condemned my weakness unsparingly and with the whole force of my will endeavored to act and appear as both she and Mr. Hearn would naturally wish Richard said Ruben after breakfast, I've borrowed a low-faten and I'm going to take thee out with dapple, he'll put life in thee never fear, he'd cure me if I were half-dead He was right, the swift motion through the pure air braced me greatly When we returned the banker sat on the piazza, Ada was near with some light sowing and the connoisseur was leisurely admiring her Well he might, for in her neat morning gown she again seemed the embodiment of a June day She rose to meet me with a faint accession to her delicate color and said, The ride has done thee good, thee looks better than thee has any day yet Ruben's right I said laughing, dapple would bring a fossil to life and the young fellow drove chuckling down toward the barn making dapple rear and prance in order to show off a little before Mr. Hearn I sat down a few moments to rest, Miss Warren must have heard our voices but she went on with an intricate piece of music in which she was displaying no mean skill I did not think Mr. Hearn was as much interested in it as I was This little girl came out of the house and climbed into Ada's lap, she evidently liked being petted and was not a little spoiled by it The banker continued to admire the picture they made with undisguised enjoyment and I admitted that the most critical could have found no fault with the group After exerting myself to seem exceedingly cheerful and laughing heartily at a well-worn jest of Mr. Hearn's I went to my room and rested till dinner and I slept away the afternoon as on the previous day My plan was now to get sufficiently strong to take my departure by the following Monday And I was glad indeed that the tonic of out-of-door air promised an escape from a position in which I must continually seem to be what I was not A cheerful man in the flood tide of convalescence Were it not that my kind friends at the farmhouse would have been grievously hurt, I would have left at once As I returned from my ride the next day Mr. Hearn greeted me with a newspaper in his hand I'm indebted to you, he said in his most gracious manner For a very kindly mention here, so small a donation was not worth the importance you give it, but you have put the matter so happily and gracefully That it may lead other men of means to do likewise at the various places of their summer sojourn You editors are able to wield a great deal of influence I bowed and I said I was glad the paragraph had been worded in a way not disagreeable to him Oh, it was good taste itself, I assure you, sir, it seemed the natural expression of your interest in that which interests your good friends here When I came down to dinner I saw that there was an unwanted fire in Ms. Warren's eyes and unusual color in her cheeks Moreover I imagined that her replies to the few remarks that I addressed to her were brief and constrained She is no dissimbler, I thought, something has gone wrong After dinner I went to my room for a book and as I came out I met her in the hall Mr. Morton, she said, with characteristic directness, if you had given a sum toward a good object in a quiet country place Would you have been pleased to see the fact paraded before those having no natural interest in the matter I have never had the power to be munificent, Ms. Warren, I replied with some embarrassment Please answer me, she insisted, with a little impatient tap of the floor with her foot No, I said bluntly, did you think it would be pleasing to me? Pardon me, I began, that I did not sufficiently identify you with Mr. Hearn What, she interrupted, blushing hotly, have I given any reason for not being identified with him? Not at all, not in one sense, I said bitterly, of course you are loyalty itself She turned away so abruptly as to surprise me a little You had no more right to think it would be pleasing to him than to me, she resumed coldly Ms. Warren, I said after a moment, don't turn your back on me, I won't quarrel with you, and I promised to do nothing of the kind again And I spoke gravely and a little sadly When you speak that way you disarm me completely, she said, with one of the sudden illuminations of her face that I so loved to see But I also noted that she had become very pale, and as my eyes met hers I thought I detected the old frightened look that I had seen when I had revealed my feelings too clearly after my illness She fears that I may again speak as I ought not, I thought, and therefore I bowed quietly and passed on Mr. Hearn was reading the paper on the piazza, I took a chair and went out under the elm not far away In a moment Ms. Warren joined her opianst and sat down with some light work Emily, I heard the banker say, as if the topic were uppermost in his mind I'd like to call your attention to this paragraph, I think our friend has written it, with unusual good taste and grace, and I've taken pains to tell him so I could not help hearing his words, but I would not look up to see her humiliation and turned a leaf as if intent on my author After a moment she said, with slight but clear emphasis, I can't agree with you A little later she went to the piano, but I never heard her play so badly A glance at Mr. Hearn revealed that his dignity and complacency had received a wound that he was inclined to resent I strolled away muttering, she has idealized him as she did old plod, but after all it's not a very serious foible in a man of millions Before the day passed she found an opportunity to ask, why did you not tell me that Mr. Hearn had spoken to you approvingly of that paragraph I would not willingly say anything to annoy you, I replied quietly Did you hear him call my attention to it? I could not help it You did not look up and triumph over me? That would have given me no pleasure I believe you, she said in a low tone, but she devoted herself so assiduously to the stately banker that he became benignness itself I also observed that Mr. Yocum looked in vain for the paper after tea I happened to destroy the copy, I said very innocently