 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Hard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Beswally. Friends, as you know, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is giving daily enjoyment to millions of people all over America in offices and factories, on farms and ranches. In mines and oil fields, folks find that chewing Wrigley Spearman helps them feel better and work better. The makers of Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad that their product is proving helpful and enjoyable to so many people and they're glad too that they're able to bring you life with Luigi because they know it's the kind of a radio program that millions of Americans enjoy. So here it is, life with Luigi. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in it. The most wonderful thing in America is how they work out their education. If you're between a six and a 16-year-old, you've got to go to school. After you're 16, you're going to stop school and it'll be as stupid as you like. But it's so nice to see all the little Bambina going to school in the morning. And they all bring in appers to the teacher. That's American accustomed. You bring the appers for the teacher. And who knows, some of the teachers, they're so popular, they'd get enough appers to open up with them on a push cart. One of the boys, he's passed by my story yesterday and must be a shortage of appers because I'm going to say he's going to give us a teacher or a piece of fruit. He's the same. If my teacher picks on me today, I'm going to give her the raspberry. I have to show her the respect in America. Even if a teacher is an old girl, she's still going to get something to eat. But to me, Mamma Mia, I'm so lucky and proud. I'm able to go to night school where I've got my good friends and the most beautiful teacher, Miss Spaulding. Mamma Mia, she's beautiful. When she's asking me a question and she's looking at me with these beautiful blue eyes, I'm going to not only forget the answer, I'm going to forget the question. But the reason I'm going to write so much about a school is because now is the middle of a determine. Tomorrow we're all taking a test and if we pass, who are we going from a 2A to 2B? Well, I'm going to write to you more later. Right now is the time for me to go to my night to school. America, I love you. You like a papa to me. Remember the ocean. Don't worry about examinations. All right, class. Attention, please. I'll call the roll. Mr. Baskoff? Here. Mr. Howitz? Here. Mr. Olsen? Mr. Schultz? Here, but I wish I was there. Quiet, please. Mr. Schultz, what did you mean by that remark? Oh, it's that final examination test tomorrow, Miss Balding. The more I study, the more for shimmers I get. Mr. Schultz, don't tell me you're afraid of a final examination. Who's afraid? I'm terrified. Mr. Schultz, if you studied hard every night like I did, you would not be so nervous in yesterday now. For him, the size 36 body with the size 48 brain. All right, let's not argue. We better review some general questions to find out just how much we've learned this term. Mr. Baskoff? Yes, Miss Balding. Tell us something about the Boston Tea Party. The Boston Tea Party. Ah, Tea Party. Tea. Tea? Sure, with two lumps and no sugar, thank you. Mr. Schultz. Well, Mr. Baskoff, what year did the Boston Tea Party take place? 1775. What did you say? I said 1783. Are you sure? 1798. No. 1853. Start in somebody before he starts a civil war. All right, Mr. Schultz, you seem to know it all. You may tell us the year of the Boston Tea Party. Certainly, the Boston Tea Party, July the 4th, 1776. Mr. Schultz, that was the day of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Miss Balding, would you deny them a little tea before they sign? Never mind, Mr. Schultz. Mr. Horowitz, will you please answer the questions? Why not? The Boston Tea Party. Now, let me see. You want the date, huh? Yes, I would like the date. Good. Well, I got to figure. You see, I got my own special system for remembering dates. Now, let me see. The Boston Tea Party was 1700 and something. Now, I ask myself 1700 what? So, I remember my grandmother died when she was 78. From this, I got to take away six years, which gives me 72. And as non-1700, I get the Boston Tea Party, 1772. That is wrong, Mr. Horowitz. Miss Balding, you're going to tell me when my grandmother died. Mr. Horowitz, the year was 1773, not 1772. Oh, what a pity, Horowitz. If your grandmother could have held on for one more year, you're... Well, that's life. Class, this is just terrible. If you can't answer such a simple question, I dread to think what will happen at tomorrow's examination. Miss Balding, I think you will feel better if you just call on me. Oh, well. The Boston Tea Party occurred on December 16, 1773. A group of Boston Patriots disguised themselves as Indians and threw about 350 chefs of tea into the Boston Harbor. Very good. And Mr. Basker, why did they throw the tea into the harbor? They liked the coffee better. No. Mr. Schultz, the teabags was all used up. No, no, no. Mr. Horowitz. I can't get over my grandmother, such a young... Oh, stop that, please. This is just disgraceful. When I look at my new pupils in the 2B class, only Olson will be there. No, no, no, Miss Balding. You're going to be in a 2B class. Without us? I'll quit school. Him and Miss Balding, we don't want to be broken up. There's only one thing to do. What's that, study all night tonight? No, cheat a little tomorrow. I smile. I'm only fooling. Mr. Schultz, I have news for you. You'd better be on your best behavior tomorrow. I will not be in the room while this class is taking the test. Instead, Mr. Hein will supervise the examination. Not Mr. Hein. Mama, mama, he's so strict and his eyes are so gaunt. All I can tell you class is... Very bad. Hello, Mr. Hein. I just thought I'd drop in and say a few words to your class. You mind? Oh, of course not. Go right ahead. Thank you. And I am going to supervise this class during the final examination tomorrow. I just want to warn you, I have a reputation for being strict. And that's just what I am. Strict with a capital S. I will not stand for any cheating during the course of the examination. I will seek you three rows apart. Your eyes will always be down on your papers. And I shall be watching all the time. Any questions? Yes, why don't you stay home tomorrow? You're Mr. Schultz, aren't you? A reputation for being a wisecracker, Mr. Schultz? Well, let's see you wisecrack your way past that examination tomorrow. Mr. Hein, I'm not afraid of tests. And I resent your insinuation that maybe I'm going to flunk. I said no such thing. What's your hint? I did not hint. And I said, Himmel, what am I doing arguing with the warden? Well, good evening, Ms. Mulding. Good evening, Mr. Hein. And don't worry, Ms. Mulding. I shall make doubly sure that the test tomorrow is conducted with absolute strictness and honesty. Honesty with a capital H. Oh, not Mr. Hein. I wish he were dropped. Mr. Schultz? With a capital D. Well, if there's only one way we can pass tomorrow. But how should we get Mr. Hein dropped it? Hello, it's you. What do you think? Do you think the test is going to be very hard for us? Don't ask me, Louis. It looks bad. That's all. That Mr. Hein. Oh, oh, oh. You can throw another who on the fire for me. Once they rule out cheating and an examination, they take a very Schultz's secret button. Well, I'm studied it very hard, but I would like to be sure we're all going to pass. It would be wonderful if we all are going to stay together in two big classes. Ms. Mulding and all of us. Yeah, but it don't look like it will. What should we do, boys? Smile, that's what. Into my head an idea just pooped. Mr. Hein thinks he's going to outsmart us. We're going to outsmart him. Yeah, but how should we? We are not going to copy like a bunch of no-good sneaky rats. No, you are talking to us. Yeah, instead we are going to use the signals. For instance, we're going to use the signals. For instance, if I ask Mr. Hein, if I may leave the room, that's really going to mean I want the answer to question number one. Wonderful. And if somebody says it looks like it's known outside, that means give us the answer to question two. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we're going to make up signals for 20 questions and then the answers can be given out with all kinds of hints, you know, like wittles and singing and tapping. Oh, I feel like a constant planning a jailbreak. Well, we are going over the wall at eight o'clock tomorrow night. Use the second. Supposing someone does want to know one of the questions. Do you think I will supply the answer? Well, we weren't going to ask you, old man, but as long as you volunteered, you are in. Yeah, I don't know that. Insolvent. I will not be a party to such questionable conduct. I have always prided myself on the solidity of my integrity, the honesty of my intentions. And as for my character, my record speaks for itself. We have just heard from the senator from night school. No, no better way to shoot, sir. I'll send you right there. But we was only thinking how much we would like it to stay together. That's the way we have such a touch. Oh, besides, even if I did help you out, I might give you the wrong answers. You wouldn't dare. Oh, listen, you're going to go home tonight and study your brilliant little head off, and we are going to get the questions right tomorrow. Don't I think you had better do that. So if any one of us is stuck, you could give the answer. Oh, listen, you know what you're doing. Your head? I'm sorry. If you leave it up to me, that's like turning the gas on, giving the class a rubber pipe and saying, here, take a food pops. I wouldn't like to see the class broken up, but you're well. I'm sorry. Well, I'll cheer up, everybody. We're only going to study very, very hard the next 10 hours, and then maybe the future is going to be good for us. Sure. I can just see the future now. All of them get skipped. Half of it stays here in 2A. Luigi gets left back in 1B. On me? I'm back in kindergarten cutting out paper doll. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a suggestion that will add enjoyment to your daily activities. Whether you're home, at work, shopping, or driving your car, chew a stick of delicious, wriggly, spearmint gum from time to time. When you're chewing on a good, smooth piece of gum, you just naturally feel better because chewing helps relieve pet-up tension and gives you comfort and satisfaction. Besides, wriggly, spearmint gum has a lively, long-lasting flavor that tastes mighty good and freshens your mouth. So keep a package of wriggly, spearmint chewing gum handy wherever you go. See how chewing this delicious gum can make every day more enjoyable for you. And now let's turn to page 2 of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. And so, Mamma Mia, tonight the classes are taking a final examination. Right now, I'm very busy studying. Well, it's not exactly studying. In America, it's called a Klammen. This means you try to push into your head in six hours or whether you couldn't push in in six months. Last night, the Olsen was with the Schultz, and the Schultz was made Olsen to stay and listen to all the signals that we're going to use if we don't know the answers under the test. But Mamma Mia, how we all want to stay together. Anyway, I hope you excuse me for making a letter very short because I'm going to stop writing and start studying some more. Ellis Island was officially open in 1890, 1890, 1890. Ellis Island was officially open in 1890. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. Hey, that's a quick hello. Yeah, I'm studying. Oh, I'm learning new BVDs. A little of banana milk. I'm a very busy. You mean you're too busy to have a little chit in a chat with your good friend, Pasquale? That's too bad. Nobody should be too busy to relapse. That's the cause of so many people who drop in the dead like flies from a hot bind. The goal was to discover in California, California, California. The goal was to discover in California, brought to Chicago, and now most of it's under Pasquale's mattress. Pasquale, please, please. The goal was to discover in California under Pasquale's mattress. Look, look, what are you doing? See, you're mixing them all up. Pasquale, please, please stop. Civil War, 1861, 1865 Civil War. Luigi, I gotta laugh when I see you trying to push a lot of books until I've solved a little pumpkin head. Pasquale, you're making me mad. I'm gonna learn all these effects by eight o'clock tonight. What's the use of pushing all that stuff in your head, Luigi? Won't go to sneeze, you're right back where you started. Here, I'm gonna know time for jokes. If you don't mind, please, come around and be funny some other time. That's a fine way to talk. All right, I go, but I won't do you no good to study. Once a maroon, always a maroon. Well, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna press the test and I'm gonna get to promote it. Get it promoted, get it promoted. What else is more important? Get him married. Do you want to think about dates or think about a date toward my daughter Rosa? I'm just interested in a history, so goodbye. 1776, Appalachian and Appalachian, Louisiana, Louisiana, the 1800s. August 23rd, 1921. Huh? 1921, August 23rd. What's the happen of this day? Biggest thing of what could have happened. What's that? The day my Rosa was a born. Big enough? Too big. What an event in a steamboat, 18102. You mean 1812, when the Columbus discovered America in 1905 and in 1774... Stop it, stop it, stop it. You're mixing me all up. No, you know straight now, you bachelorhood, I gotta mix up your school. All right, I'm gonna pay attention to you. Alice Island, 1890. Alice Island, 1970. Columbus, 1770. Stop it, 59. Boys, I'm getting nervous. I wish Mr. Heim would come in already and give out the examination papers. What examination papers? For us, it's the execution papers. Yeah, I should say, do you think you know enough to pass? Luigi, look at these dark circles under my eyes. Do you see them? Yeah. I was up all night studying. Every half hour, my wife gave me black coffee to keep me awake. I drank and drank and drank and guess what happened? What? In the morning, the only thing I could remember was the name of that coffee. That's right, everything comes out like that, you know. Columbus came over on three ships. The Nenia, the Pinta, and the Sanca Maria. Last night, right now, you are looking on the most wide awake imbecile in America. What about you, Luigi? Well, I don't know. That's why it was about me all day, and he's got me all mixed up. Well, we still got our fighting chance. Yeah, many more. What are you all looking at me for? We ain't admiring your beautiful blue eyes, sweetheart. You know what that holds? Good evening, gentlemen. Good evening, Mr. Heim. Old Devil's Island himself. Luigi, here is a picture of my wife and children. If I don't come back alive, promise me you're going to take care of that. And enough of that. I'll stand for no whispering or talking out of turn from this moment on. Men, I need hardly remind you that this is a final examination, and I expect each one of you to keep his eyes on his own paper. Now, I warn you, don't try any tricks. His nose would look better there, too. I heard that remark, Mr. Schultz. One more word spoken without permission, and I'll ask you to turn in your examination paper. Is that clear? Yes, Sergeant. I mean Mr. Heim. All right. The examination is officially started now. I shall pass out the papers. You have exactly one hour to complete the test. Remember, absolute silence. If you want anything, ask me. Oh, Lord, Lord, not to force him. Not to get hate. Mr. Heim has got nothing to do with the other. Would like to leave the room, too. May I more select to leave? This is ridiculous. None of you may leave. You hear me? But I've got to leave the room. I admit, too. I have never seen anything like this. And you, Mr. Olsen, I suppose you would like to leave the room, too. No. But the test was $17.76. What? Your wife's dress got to do with leaving the room. Maybe he wants to go out and try it on for her. And then someone else may go. Well, what's stopping you, Mr. Schultz? I don't have to go any more. Neither do me. This is the strangest behavior. Now, what could have caused you all to change your mind? Maybe because it's cold outside. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah. It looks like snow. Doesn't it, Olsen? You know, I will look. It's funny that it don't look like snow so much as it has more of the color of the 1890 French dressing. I never heard such disjointed, unattached, ridiculous statement statements. Let me see that paper. Oh, the avant-garde. $17.76. Ellis Island, $18.90. A dress for $17.76. $18.90. Please, Mr. Ellis Island. Don't you interrupt me and don't try to interfere. I don't care what his motives or desires were. What? Mr. Olsen. Nobody asked you to volunteer any information. End in your paper while the class continues. You deliberately disregarded my orders. I'll see that you are expelled for cheating on an examination. All right. No matter what happens, we all are going to stay together, huh? Sure. And this is why we're here at the Mr. Heinrich's house, huh? Remember? All right. We remember. Just ring that bell, do we? Boys, are you sure this is the right house? A positive. Can't you see him through the window there? He's reading a book. A thousand and one ways to torture a pooper. All right. I'm going to ring. Mr. Heinrich, we're coming to tell you something very important. I am busy, gentlemen. You may see me tomorrow before my regular class begins. This is my home. Good night. No, please. Please, Mr. Heinrich, you gotta listen. You can't expel Olsen from the school. It would break his heart. And we want to stay together, Mr. Heinrich. Wasn't that Olsen his fault? It was our fault. Oh, that's mine. I started the whole thing. Well, I must admit that's very soldierly of you to admit to such a charge. Then you're not going to expel Olsen? Well, I'm going to ask the principal to soften the punishment. Instead, I shall ask that Mr. Olsen merely be demoted to one bee. What? Hi, class. Here's the situation. The three of you got passing grades in the examination and you are promoted to my class in two bees. What could have that Olsen ain't, River? That is not my fault. Mr. Pleasant. Mr. Olsen, a pleasure. Give Olsen a little push-up, as it is. Now, you know that's out of my hands. Our principal, Mr. Orth, is talking to Mr. Olsen right now and his decision will be made at any moment. Hello, Mr. Orth. Good evening, class. Good evening, Mr. Orth. I've just spoken to Mr. Olsen. Naturally, it was immediately apparent that he's more than qualified to go ahead. It's therefore with great regret that I have to make my decision. Oh, good. And now I have to wait for Mr. Orth to please a bonus set. There's nothing I can do about it, despalding. After going over your students' grades last week, I have decided to skip Mr. Olsen to the third grade. But inasmuch as Mr. Hind has requested me to demote him, I have to strike a balance. Mr. Olsen, I can't skip you. Instead, you just go ahead to two bee with the others. With the others? In the devil! I jump in Germany, I was never focused, pointed in my life. There's a cat that's always there, the craziest class in America, but I love them. I've now got plenty of time to finish this letter. Here, the whole class is together again. Yep, a despalding Schultz, Horowitz, Olsen and a basketball together is a little bit of America. All of us. And like all American women here, I hope we all always stay together. Your loving son, Luigi Basco, the little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they'd like to remind you that when you want a between-meal treat, Wrigley's Spearman Gum is just about the perfect answer. A stick of Wrigley's Spearman is chock-full of lively, delicious, real Spearman flavor. Without being rich or spoiling your appetite, it's satisfaction helps tide you over till mean time. So for a tasty treat between your meals and one that's not only good but also good for you, chew healthful, refreshing Wrigley's Spearman Gum. Get a few packages of Wrigley's Spearman next time you go to the store. The makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basco writes another letter to his mama Basco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Mr. Howard. MacBenna writes the script with Lou Dermott. J. Carol Mash is starred as the direction of Blood Bluffs. Bob Stevens be asked to put on the broadcasting system.