 I still don't get it. Is because folks are dying. Like people are literally dying, trans women are dying on a daily basis due to this ignorance. I started pretty much, you know, a few years ago really reckoning with a lot of who I thought I was and like what culture has told me that I'm supposed to be. And I don't know. I just, I think because of the ways that other folks are showing up for themselves and getting really honest about their own genders and, you know, smashing the patriarchy and decolonizing what gender looks like. It's helped me get more permission about the nuances of my own gender and the energies that I contain that is not solely woman and not solely man. And even, you know, I'm wearing the necklace, they more so as like a permission slip for me because I still am like very young in this process and I still struggle a lot with feeling like I'm allowed to take up space within the non-binary identity that I am trans enough, you know, even if, like non-binary is on, is under the trans umbrella. And so for me, one of the things that was really kind of fucking me up around this whole process is that we have a very limited and like linear view of who and what is trans. It's like male to female, female to male, you transition medically, but that's not everybody's story, you know, not everybody deals with gender dysphoria. Not everyone feels like I'm in a body that I want to get out of. There are a lot of people who feel a sense of like, I like the body that I'm in, which is my experience. I love the body that I'm in. I don't like the way that people presume who I am based on the body that I am. I think that's what creates that disconnect, but like I've never felt like I'm in the wrong body. I've never felt like there's something wrong with me necessarily. And I look in the mirror, you see yourself. Yeah, this might be controversial, but I believe that all of us are a little queer and all of us are a little trans. Like I really believe that if we were to really sit down with ourselves and think about the labels that have been put upon us by our society, what those labels mean, how we're supposed to perform within those labels, and we piece them all apart, we would find a lot more blurred lines. There would be a lot more gray area within our definition of woman, our definition of man, that it's not so black or white, that it's on a spectrum. I'm still exploring the idea of it. I'm so confused as to what's going on. And I finally realized why it is such a hard thing for me to fully understand and be completely open-minded to it because of what happened to me in my childhood around kind of these discussions and these topics. And so I'm just trying to understand. And I think putting myself in the line of fire of like, I don't get it. And maybe I also wanna say, I wanna be able to have a healthy debate about things and admit when I don't really get it or if I don't really agree with something and see where that takes us, not from like, I know better, because I don't, because I have no idea, but I just wanna know. Because I'm so intrigued by this new, I feel like it's a kind of new idea of gender exploration. I mean, I guess I can start by saying that the concept of fluid gender is not new. It might feel new because it's out in the mainstream in a way that hasn't ever been before, but like, trans folks, gender non-conforming folks, gender anarchists have been around pretty much since the dawn of man. Yeah, definitely. So yeah, we out here. We all just out here. Yeah, I agree. I think it is because it's hitting the mainstream now and that's why there's a lot more confusion and debate and people are getting a bit more rallied up because if you don't know something, you wanna almost immediately defend your known beliefs, but I'm like a rebel at heart, so I like to question everything anyway, so I'm intrigued to find out more. When I was younger, much younger, I'm very tiny, like super skinny, can't put on weight no matter what I do. And similar. Yeah, but at some point I got the idea in my head that I was probably the wrong gender. There is something about me that feels as if it is maybe more masculine and feminine, so I do have a lot of masculine energy in me and I know that. And the feminine side has been really hard for me to explore. So I bought into this idea that I should be a man and up until the age of 28, I was so convinced that I was meant to be a man and I feel if it was more mainstream at the time as it is getting now, I might have done something. Well, I guess let me ask for your reflection on, there's a version of you that you felt if you had more exposure and it was more normalized, you would have selected a different gender experience. Why would that have been a negative thing? Well, first, if I would have done something surgically, I think that would have been a really scary thing for me because I don't, people change their minds in a lot of times, so to make some scars on my body, I don't know, I just respect the human body and I'm not saying that it's disrespectful in any way, but for me, it just feels like if I'm cutting off something that I was born with, it just doesn't feel very good. But if we don't go to the extreme of surgery and we sat somewhere in the middle of like, you made a conscious decision to change your pronouns or maybe to change your sexual expression in some capacity. Yeah, because being trans isn't about changing your body. Yeah. What is the vision for the future though? Can I just ask what would you, what is the ultimate vision? I want people to identify, however the fuck they wanna identify if they say that they're cis today and then they say that they're non-binary tomorrow and then they're gender anarchist next month, I want people to have that freedom, just as I want people... What is a gender anarchist? Oh, you know, people who just don't believe in gender, who are like, fuck gender, fuck gender as a concept. I mean, this is just another word for it. So they would identify as non-binary, they would just identify as... Perhaps not. Person. Or the paradox of like being non-binary and also like a gender is a type where it's just like gender void or like not even investing in gender, like a gender definitely, you know, is something as well. But like, yeah, a disruption of, I guess, like conformity is what I feel from like gender anarchy and that word. Yeah. I mean, my ideal world is that we can all choose to be who we want to be, that nobody is going to tell us what that needs to look like and no one's going to, you know, check and try to validate it and make like... Are you sure you're a woman? Are you sure you're non-binary? Which is something that comes up a lot for me. I believe, yeah, I feel that. There's one thing that I want to bring up. I think this is where a bit of the tension comes in for me is that I do feel judged for not understanding and not quite getting it. It's like, why don't you just get it? Why don't you just say it? And it almost, it's weird because like gender's become so political now that like I am, I don't, I'm not political. I go, I pull whatever feels right for me. I don't have labels. Again, I don't, I just pull on whatever feels right. But I do feel as if I don't get these certain things, all of a sudden I have to be like, oh, you must be also a Trump supporter. You must be conservative. It must be this. And I'm like, whoa, what happened? Like I'm just trying to understand. So I do feel like this weird resistance from people that I still don't get it. I feel that. And I think the judgment that you're getting is from folks who are like, and I felt this too, particularly around race, around, you know, white people being like, I have yet to really understand or, you know, I'm being judged because I don't understand the whole race thing. And the things that I've said to folks is like, the reason why we're so upset and I can apply this to gender is because folks are dying. Like people are literally dying. Trans women are dying on a daily basis due to this ignorance. So that frustration is not like, oh, you don't know anything. That's so stupid. It's more like your ignorance is killing people. Like your ignorance is perpetuating this violence against folks like me, folks who look like me. And that is, that's dangerous. If she knows what she's doing, even if I don't want an orgasm, I'm coming. You know what I mean? I would imagine as a fuck boy, you are in a lot of arguments. Not necessarily, you would think that, but usually fuck boy would just ghost you. Your ignorance is killing people. You've had how many sexual partners? Nearly 200. I'm shallow. So I want really good looking men. And now too, it's like, I can't expect Amanda make more money than me now.