 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harrison is orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Life Begins When You're in Love. It's not always that you can have delicious things to eat and to save money at the same time, but sometimes you can. And Jell-O makes the most attractive desserts and salads you ever tasted. And Jell-O is amazingly inexpensive. It costs only a few cents a package. One package serves the average family generously and they love it. Jell-O is America's favorite gelatin dessert and no wonder. For only Jell-O brings you Jell-O's delicious extra-rich fruit flavor. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. All six are packed with that ripe fruit goodness fresh and tempting and satisfying. So for that extra-rich fruit flavor and for one of the most economical desserts you can serve, be sure to get genuine Jell-O. Don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Begins When You're in Love played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who has joined the ranks of Hollywood Turfman and bought himself a race horse, Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I don't know where you pick up all this information about me. Now, how did you find out that I bought a race horse? Well, Jack, I was talking to Ben Crosby the other day and he just happened to mention it. Oh yes, Bing knows about it. As a matter of fact, I've been trying to put my horse in Crosby's stable. But it's too crowded there. Well, Crosby has an enormous stable. There's plenty of room there for your horse. All right, then he wanted too much money. I wouldn't pay him $80 a week to board my horse if he sang it to sleep every night. Oh, I'll find another place for him, all right. Oh, I'm sure you will. Oh, and Jack, you know, I'm a pretty good rider. So if you ever need a jockey, think of me. I've got a horse done, not a 20 mule team. Now, your shadow alone would break his back. Say, Jack, how'd you happen to buy a race horse? You don't know anything about horses? I don't, eh? Well, it might interest you to know, Phil, that I was kicked in the face at the age of 10. Buy a horse? Yes. How did that happen? Well, my father sent me out to feed him and it was dark in the barn. Now, believe me, fellas, I know plenty about horses. But why this secrecy? Why didn't you tell us about your horse before? Well, I didn't want people to think I was showing off or doing it for publicity. You know how modest I am, you know? Yeah, what's the name of your horse? Buck Benny. And you're going to hear from that, baby. If I'm any judge of thoroughbreds, he's going places. Well, tell us more about it, Jack. Is it a yearling? What's that done? Is it a yearling? Well, it's a sort of a back bay color with a black spot on his nose. Oh, you don't understand, Jack. Is it a yearling? In other words, how old is it? Oh, oh, it was two years old in January. I wish you'd talk a little plainer, Don. I didn't quite get you there, you know? But it's a real thoroughbred, and I know. By the way, Jack, who's your horse's sire? What is that, Phil? I said, who's the sire? The sire? Yes. Well, I am. I paid for the horse. What a silly question. J. Phil, you don't know what you're talking about, do you? I don't, eh? Well, let's see what you know. Is your horse a gelding or a filly? A what? Is it a gelding or a filly? Is it a gelding or a filly? Is it a gelding or a filly? Trying to be smart, making up words. I'm not. I'm not making up words. Is it a gelding or a filly? In other words, is it a boy or a girl? It's a horse. My goodness, you're just a dodo if there ever wasn't. You won't be so smart when he wins the Irish sweepstakes. You ever got a trainer for him, Jack? A trainer? No, I just bought him a rowing machine. That'll keep him in shape, all right. A rowing machine? Well, that settles it. You don't know any more about horses than I know about music. Oh, I don't. I don't. I don't know anything about horses, eh? I used to be a trout. A trout? Yes, a trout. And I gave out plenty of good tips, believe me. You're a fine turf man. How many legs did your horse got? My horse has four legs, Marty. How do you know? I bought him a blanket with two pair of pants and shut up. Believe me, I'm sorry the whole thing came up. Hello, Jack, for heaven's sake, what's the matter now? Well, what would it be? Phil and Don found out that I bought a race horse and you can guess the rest. Have you boys been picking on Jack again? Oh, don't interfere, Mary. I can fight my own battles. Well, you fellas ought to be ashamed of yourself. Jack knows more about horses than both of you put together. Yeah. He even tried to get Lady Godiva for a jockey. I did not. Then why did you put blinkers on the horse? Oh, you're just making things up, that's all. So you've seen that nag of Jacks, huh, Mary? Oh, sure, a couple of times. Well, is it a good horse? What does it look like? Looks like any minute, two men are going to step out of it. It does not. It's a fine-looking steed. Oh, it is? Yeah, jeez, fellas, you ought to see the way Jack pampers that horse. Pampers him? What do you mean, Mary? Jack bought him shoes with art supporters. Now look, fellas, Mary's giving you the wrong impression. Now, here's a picture of him, Don. He's a pretty good-looking animal, isn't he? There he is with that. Hey, Jack, let me see that picture, will ya? Here you are, Kenny. What do you think of him? Oh, boy, he's a beauty. Looks pretty fast, doesn't he? I'll say he does. But why is he laying on his back? Kenny, turn the picture around like this. There. Well, I'll be darned. He got up. Yeah. He does all kinds of tricks like that. Now go ahead and sing your song, Kenny, and let me back that picture. Say, wait a minute. Let me have a look at that. Here you are, Phil. Well, is that a real horse or isn't it? It's a good-looking animal, all right. But wait a minute. What's this stamped on the back of the picture? Where? Right there. It says Man of War. Man of War? Well, that's the name of the photographer, Joe Man of War. He's a Greek fellow. Oh, sing, Kenny. He must have picked up the wrong picture. I fall in love with you every day. That was a beautiful number, Kenny, and a very romantic thought. Thanks, Jack. And dedicate that song to your horse. To my horse? Why? I met him. My girl. Oh. Oh. A little snip. Kenny, gee, I never saw a kid like you always getting a new girlfriend and then picking a fight with her. What's the matter with you? Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm just a gorilla. Kenny, you're a simian, but not quite a gorilla. Well, he's young, yes. Yeah. And now, ladies and gentlemen, going from the zoo to our place, tonight we are going to present what we think is a... Oh, Jack. Jack, pardon me for interrupting, but I just noticed that your shoelace is untied. My shoelace? Oh, so it is. Thanks, Don. Excuse me a minute, folks. Ladies and gentlemen, while Jack is bending down to tie his shoelace, why don't you skip out and buy yourself a package of jello? Oh, so that's your little trick, huh? It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. Hurry back now. Ah, folks, what other program starts on a shoestring and ends up with a plug? Don, that was a very clever ruse. Now, as I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, tonight for the first time this year, we're going to offer our annual murder mystery. We feel that this will be a high spot in the career of the Benny Federal Theater Project. So now we will present a deep dark mystery entitled Murder in the Library, or Book Marks the Spot. Ha, ha, ha. She isn't that clever, folks. And I thought of that all by myself. You laughed all by yourself, too. Now, wait a minute, Mary. That was a very funny title. I can't help it if our studio audience didn't get it. But I'll bet our listening audience liked it. We did not. Now, in our little drama, which will go on immediately after the next number, the cast of characters will... Pardon me, folks. Come in. Hiya, Mark. Hello, Spencer. Well, if it isn't Damon and Pithias. Well, I haven't seen you two fellas in weeks. Where have you been keeping yourselves? Oh, we've been pretty busy, Buck. Me on my farm and Slip on his. Oh, that's right. Slip did buy part of your farm. How's it going, Slip? Have you planted anything yet? Yes, but believe me, Jack, it's no good. I'm having plenty of trouble. Well, that's too bad. What's the matter with it? I struck oil last week and it ruined my potatoes. Oil? Well, that's great, isn't it? What kind of oil is it? The man oil. He's trying to sell that property back to me. Oh, well, I don't blame him if it isn't good land. Well, he shouldn't complain. I gave him a rock bottom price on it. Yes, that's all I got was rocks. Our cactus wouldn't grow there. Well, naturally, Slip, you got to clear the land first. You know, break up the rocks and cart them off. Say, man, am I a chain gang? Well, you just don't know anything about farming, that's all. Is that so? I'm a good farmer. A fine farmer. He bends over in front of goats. He does. Ah, listen, Mr. DeWine. What about those rabbits you sold me? Oh, fine rabbits. Well, what about it? I sold you two of them, didn't I? That's the trouble. I still only got two. Now, wait a minute, boys. Wait a minute. Look, boys, you can settle your own troubles when you get home. Let's talk about something else. Tell them about your horse jack. Oh, yes. You know, fellas, I bought a race horse. That's right, Buck. I heard about that. Hey, I'll bet you he's a regular pompoonie. Yes, he's all right, but I'm having trouble finding a place to keep him. Oh, why don't you keep him on my farm, Buck? I got a nice pasture for him. Keep him on my farm. I'll dye the rocks green. Well, that's a good idea. I'll tell you what I'll do, fellas. I'll split it between you. Andy, I'll let you feed him for seven days. And, Schlepp, you can feed him for seven days. How's that? What are you laughing at, Mary? For most the masses in one week. Never mind. Well, that's right, you boys. Now, wait a minute, Buck, if I were you, I wouldn't let Schlepperman have that horse. Why not? He'll put rockers on it and give it to his kids. Well, I'll take a chance. Now, you each get him for one week, and I want you to take good care of him. He's a very delicate animal. Well, leave it to me, Buck. I'll take him first. Now, wait a minute, Henry. I've run him for the first week. No, sir. I got to have him right now. I got a lot of plowing to do. It's fine for my race horse. Say, how much are you guys going to charge me? Don't worry about it, Jackie boy. If he wins the Kentucky baby, you'll break even. I thought so. Now, come over here a minute, boys. We'll talk this little deal over and down. Play something, Phil, while I do a little dick ring. Now, look, boys, my... Harrison is Orkster. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we will present our thrilling, baffling, spine-tingling melodrama entitled Murder in the Library or Book Marks the Spot. Gee, I love that. Boy, are you corny. Go away, Mary. Now, I will play the part of police captain O'Benney, as brave a blue coat has ever wore bulletproof undies. Phil Harris and Kenny Baker will be my brave, loyal, and stupid assistants. Here's your badge, Phil. Okay, Chief. Here, Kenny, here's your badge, your uniform, and your club. Okay, where's my flat feet? On the opposite end of your flat head. Oh, that's right. Now, Mary Livingston will play the part of Mrs. Sugar clunken bush, a much-married society woman who makes a hobby of collecting husbands, guns, and life insurance. Gee, do I have to kill all my husbands? You've already killed seven of them, Mary, and there's just one left. Oh, one new husband sitting on a fence. Boom, boom, boom. I shot him in the pants. Well, I suppose that wasn't corny. I suppose you didn't ride us. Quiet. Now, the part of the butler will be played by Don Wilson, who has been in the service of Mrs. clunken bush for about, uh, oh, Don, how long have you been with Mrs. clunken bush? It'll be, uh, six husbands in October. I see. And now for our play, folks. The scene opens at police headquarters where we find Capo Benny very busy playing solitaire. Curtain, music. Hmm, now, let's see. There's the jack of clubs. Here's a seven of hearts. I'll put that on the jack. No, I won't do that. That would be cheating. Or should I? No, I won't. Hey, Cap. Yeah? What's the idea of playing solitaire with handcuffs on you? I don't trust myself. I need the ace of spades and it's up my sleeve. I'll get it for you. Oh, no, you won't. Why, you dirty crook. I ought to put you in jail. Now, let's see. Is that the phone, Cap? It ain't a Swiss vaudeville act. Capo Benny speaking. Yes, sir? What? You say your wife ran away eight months ago. Oh, why didn't you report it sooner? Oh, you wanted to give her a good start. What? No, don't worry. I won't rush. Goodbye. Now, let's see. The six of hearts goes on the black king. Oh, I wish I wouldn't do that. But how else can I win? Oh, Cap. Cap. What is it, Sergeant Baker? Somebody's been passing fully one-dollar bills all over town. And I've got one of them. A dollar bill, eh? How do you know it's phony? Washington is wearing Lincoln's beard. Hmm, let me see that. You're right, and he's wearing Lincoln's hat, too. You think that's something turned the bill over? Good heavens, Carol Lombard is sitting on the eagle. Nice work, Baker. We gotta report this to Washington. Can you get any more of these bills? Yeah, my uncle makes them. Your uncle, well, you better tell him to stop or else. Hey, Cap. Cap. What is it, Harris? You know the prisoner in cell 21 that sent his suit out to be pressed? Yes. Well, he was in it. I'll wait for that one. All right. Hang out the vacancy sign and don't annoy me. Hmm, I'll take it. Hello, Cap O'Benney speaking. What? A murder? Yes, yes. Hold everything. We'll be right over. Hey, fellas, what do you know? We've got a murder. Hooray! We've got a murder! Yippie! I knew we'd get one if we waited long enough. Come on, fellas. Let's go right over. Where are we going, Chief? To, uh, oh, darn it. I forgot to get the address. Gee, I hope they call back. That's a fine how do you do? We wait around all year for a murder. We get one and you lose it. Wait, I know. It must be Mrs. Clunkenbush on Park Avenue. She married her eighth husband two months ago, and he's about due for his lead anniversary. Come on, boys. Let's go. Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Go to 215 Maple Street. Man beating up wife. That is all. Hmm, man beating up wife. Make a note of that, sir. I got it, Chief. Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Go to 215 Maple Street. She's beating him up now. That is all. Hmm. Tear up that note, sir. Okay, Chief. Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Go to your nearest grocer and ask for a package of jello. That is all. Hmm. Well, I see our police department finally got a sponsor. This is a house right here. Baker, you break down the door. Okay, hold my banana. I told you a thousand times not to eat on the job. I'll break down the door. Let's give him a hand, Harris. Ready, set, go. Well, we've got that down. Here comes somebody now. Did you ring, gentlemen? Ring? No, we didn't. We're the police. Who are you? I'm Blimp the butler. Blimp the butler, eh? Yes, and I didn't do it. You didn't do what? Goodness, haven't you heard? We think Mr. Clunkinbush has been murdered. What makes you think so? Well, he's in the library reading a book, and he hasn't turned a page in three days. Make a note of that, sir. Got you, Chief. Can I make a note, too? Quiet. Now tell me, Blimp, where is Mrs. Clunkinbush? Right this way, gentlemen. She's out in the garden burying the gun. Oh, burying the gun, eh? Her husband has murdered, and she's out in the garden burying the gun. What do you make of that, Baker? She doesn't need it anymore. Now you're clicking, you cluck. Come on, Blimp. Take us to Mrs. Clunkinbush. Right this way, you bums. Come on, men. Ah, we got you this time, Mrs. Clunkinbush. Oh, how do you do, Captain? I've been rather expecting you. Oh, you have. Now there's no use, tall and cunty. Your butler, Blimp, broke down and confessed. Blimp broke down, eh? Yes. I knew I should have filled him with helium. Now listen, you just buried a gun in this garden, didn't you? I buried a dagger, too. Oh, see, you not only shocked your husband, but you stabbed him, too. Yep, it got the daily double. Well, you've gone too far, Mrs. Clunkinbush. You've had eight husbands in four years, haven't you? What about us? And they all met on timely deaths. Take your first husband, the big game hunter. You went on a hunting trip with him, and he's the first thing you shot. Well, he looked like a gazelle. That's no excuse. And your second husband. Uh, you mean Pascuali? Yes, Pascuali. You no sooner fell in love with him than we found him laying on the floor with an arrow in his back. You did that. Could have been Cupid, you know. That's what you told the jury. And your third husband was killed, too. What happened to him? All I did was slap him on the back. Yes, but he was leaning out of a penthouse window at the time. And what about your fourth husband? Oh, this is getting boresome. It is, eh? Hello, Kelsey. I didn't see you standing there. Hello, sweetheart. Sergeant Harris. Do you know this woman? Yes, we're engaged to be married. I'm going to be her next husband. Well, congratulations, and rest in peace. Now, let's go in and look at the body. Hey, Cap. Cap. What is it, Baker? I was in the library just now, and I don't think Mr. Clunkinbush is dead yet. How do you know? I went to reach for his pulse, and he shook hands with me. Well, let's hurry up in there. Imagine a man shocked and stabbed and still alive. There he is, Cap. Mr. Clunkinbush. Mr. Clunkinbush. How do you feel? A little drafty. Well, I shouldn't wonder. Now, tell me, can you name the person or persons who try to kill you? Well, of course I can. I was here at the time. Then tell me exactly what happened. Make notes on this, Harris. Okay, Chief. Now, go ahead. Well, I was sitting here in the library reading a book. Uh-huh. When all of a sudden, the door behind me opened. Uh-huh. So I turned around and said it free me. See, the border state. Of course, I couldn't tell the race of the state of the river. I said it rain it all. And I figured my zone of state of the state of the border state. And right at the time of the border state of Great Great, what was sent in? Oh, it was ghastly. The man must be hysterical. Now, Mr. Clunkinbush, say that again and slower. This is important. All right. I was sitting in the library reading a book, and I was saying the border state of the state of the border state. Oh, she came in. The only thing that saved her from a border state. Oh, she didn't come in. The only thing that saved her from a border state. Oh, she came in. Oh, she came in. He's delirious now. He's getting weaker. Quick, get him a glass of water. Here you are, Captain. Thanks. Now, drink this. Quick. How do you feel now? Oh. Good heavens, he's dead. Mrs. Clunkinbush, what was in that glass of water? Well, I only put in a satchel of satchel. Isn't that a satchel of satchel? That's the truth. Move over, Clunkinbush. I'm tired. Play, Phil. Everybody loves homemade ice cream, ice cream that's rich and creamy smooth, grand ice cream. And here's a new and better way to make it. It's made with jello freezing mix and made just perfect. For jello freezing mix is a wonderful new product that gives you ice cream that's velvety and rich. It has a beautiful creamy texture that's simply grand and it's amazingly quick and easy to prepare. Open a can of jello freezing milk. Add milk and some whipped cream and turn the mixture into your freezing trays. Stir only once during the whole freezing process and take out six servings of delicious ice cream. One of your favorite flavors will be rich, smooth chocolate, the chocolate flavor that can't be beat. Then there's maple walnut, real vanilla, and fruit flavors that are real fruits in their own sweetened juices, strawberry, tutti frutti, and orange pineapple. There are six luscious flavors in all. If your grocer hasn't any in stock, he'll be glad to order it for you. So ask him tomorrow for jello freezing mix. This is the last number of the 33rd program in the new jello series and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time when we will present our version of David O. Selznik's outstanding film production, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. So be sure and listen in and guess who's going to be Tom Sawyer, folks? No kidding, Jack. Are you going to be Tom Sawyer? Of course I am, Mary. Do you think you can have your face listed by next Sunday? I think so, yes. Good night, folks. J. E. S. L. L. This is the National Broadcasting Company.