 Alright hello I'm Matthew Coast and today we're going to be talking about the three biggest mistakes that women make that prevent you from attracting Mr. Wright. And so here's what happened. I went and talked to Helena, the wonderful and beautiful Helena Hart. Go ahead and say hi Helena. Hey everybody we're so excited to be here with you today. And she was saying we were talking about kind of you know what kind of big mistakes a lot of people make and and so Helena put together a great list of big mistakes that a lot of women make that prevent them from attracting the right man into their life. And so if you're having problems really connecting getting you know the man that you want to have in your life into you know a wonderful amazing relationship whether it's filled with love and support and partnership then this is the livestream for you. So without further ado I'm gonna give it over to Helena because she's she's the one with all the great valuable information today. And so you want to go ahead and take it away? Yes thank you for that amazing introduction and I just want to start out by saying that you know the reason why becoming aware of some of these mistakes is so important is because I've just seen so many women unknowingly do these things and they're just like doing these things without realizing it. They think that they're just being nice and sweet and understanding and keeping the relationship going. And they are really like they're accidentally pushing the man they want away or they're preventing Mr. Wright from showing up in their life and and coming towards them. So in order for a man to you know want to pursue you and commit to a real relationship with you he has to feel some very specific things he has to feel this like pull to come towards you and he has to feel things like you know five times as many positive interactions for everyone negative interaction or emotion or experience. So if you avoid these mistakes that I'm gonna be talking about today and implement some of the information and tools that I'm also going to be sharing instead of a man pulling away from you or instead of attracting the wrong kind of men that which can just lead to frustration and burnout and hopelessness you know the man that you want whether he's in your life right now or if he's about to show up will just feel this irresistible pull to come towards you and it will really inspire his love and devotion and commitment if that's what you want for yourself. So we're gonna be talking about these three mistakes and what to do instead to really bring a man close and you know make him want you know try to convince you to commit to him not the other way around and make sure to stay till the end too because I'm also going to be giving you an opportunity to talk with me one-on-one about your personal unique situation so make sure to you know stick around so we can give you the information on on how to do that so we can we can talk with each other. So these are all mistakes that you know pretty much every woman I know has made I've certainly made all three of them myself and I see my clients but these women who come to me and they're feeling frustrated because the man they want is either pulling away or he's just not committing to like a full-time serious relationship with her or they've been dating for a really long time and they're just feeling frustrated because they you know they just haven't met that right man for them yet they might attract a lot of men but the men that they actually want to be with those high quality men never seem to like stick around or take their relationship to the next level I just have so many stories of that happening I can think of just dozens of client stories off the top of my head I am one of my clients she was actually she actually wrote a little bit about her story in our last live stream was making one of these birth mistakes in particular and you know was totally heartbroken and devastated and made this one shift and she was actually able to you know attract the love of her life it was actually the very first date that she went on after the two of us worked together is the man that you know she ended up with and they just bought a house together and are planning a wedding and having kids and all of that great stuff I had another client who you know was making these mistakes and she had this she called him her rubber band man because it was a man who was like really hot and cold he'd come on really strong and then back off and the relationship was just stagnant like he'd come close and he pull away it's like this back and forth hot and cold thing and she was really frustrated because the connection and the intimacy weren't deepening and it was just really stagnant and she made this one shift and she completely transformed her relationship and he's just now it's on her terms now you know he's wanting to make her happy and do what it takes to convince her to be with him and they ended up having a great relationship another client who was you know with the man who was she was worried that he was afraid of commitment because he was like in his fifties and had never been married and she'd been married before and have two kids and she was you know frustrated because the relationship was moving more slowly than she would like so when she made this one shift they're now getting married actually next month so it was like a really dramatic turn around there as well I just have so many stories like that and hey hey Helena you might have throw something in there real quick you know I a lot of people know from kind of our conversations and stuff that at one point in time I was a men's dating coach and back when I was a men's dating coach one of the things that we used to talk to a lot of guys about is that a lot of times you know for a man who wants to meet a great woman there's like there's usually this big journey that he has to go on where he has to go and kind of develop social skills if he doesn't have them already he's got to like really get it together from like a just like a finance and a personal empowerment type of standpoint you know he might need to kind of step into some of his masculine his masculinity that you know primarily he has but he hasn't really nurtured it or he hasn't felt like it's okay to kind of build up there's a lot of things that a lot of times guys need to go through in order to attract a woman and sometimes it's not that you know sometimes it's just getting out of his own way because a lot of times what would happen was these guys would meet this woman and we I used to go out with these guys and we would go into bars or you know different types of situations we go to coffee shops and I you know they go and meet women and I would sit there and watch them and then they come back and I talk about what happened and we'd have these discussions about it and a lot of times what would happen is they'd meet these women and the women were really attracted to the guy right and then the guy would start saying crazy things and goofy things because you thought he had to kind of entertain her and you know do all these magical things around her and that would end up turning the woman off you know and making her go I don't you know it's like he's like throwing out all these red flags accidentally and it's kind of some of that kind of translates over to the women's side as well so a lot of times women will just get in their own way you know that you'll hear things a lot of times where women say oh yeah I things go great at the beginning but after kind of this two-month period of time or you know after a few weeks or whatever you know the guy ends up losing interest and disappearing and ghosting and all these other things and a lot of times it's you know the woman you know her insecurities might come up a lot of different things kind of come up and sometimes it's just about getting out of your own way it's about not trying to control it and force it to happen which tends to actually make things not happen right so if you're sitting there trying to you know make things happen all the time you're like how do I make him love me how do I make him commit how do I make him you know do all these different things a lot of times that is actually the problem like the problem and so I don't want to steal Helena's thunder here and I just want to say hi to everybody that's in our chat right now so Alma hey char la Jorabba, Thelma everybody hi if you're on our chat we've got 137 people here right now make sure you say hi so hey everybody oh my gosh we're so excited to have you here and yeah I love everything you said and I just really believe there's a better way to get into relationships like you know as a lot of you know there are more women now who are single than ever before in recorded history and who are really struggling to get into fulfilling long lasting relationships at men as well just like men are you know men and women we talk about this a lot you know we found that they're they're really kind of naturally attracted to each other on this like you know primal or biological level but then what happens is we're kind of like socialized to do these things that end up pushing each other away just like Matt was talking about with his example men do this too and I've really found that as women we've kind of been taught all the wrong information about what's truly attractive to a man and what really inspires him to fall in love and just see you as that one woman that he just can you know never wants to live without so if you don't become aware of these patterns and start to turn them around things might not happen so naturally for you as I'm sure you've experienced right like Matt was saying maybe things go well for a little while maybe you don't have a problem attracting men but after the first few months or you know maybe after the first year or so you know things problems come up or you might see the man like not putting in as much effort as he was at the beginning of a relationship I know I hear from women all the time in that situation as well so you know if you don't do something different and become aware of some of these patterns so you can you know fix it and really turn things around likely nothing's going to change you'll just kind of keep getting the same results you've always gotten so just for a moment I want you to imagine what it would feel like to have a man just see you as that one woman that he never wants to live without you know imagine having a man finding finding you so attractive and just you know feel this irresistible pull to come towards you and you just know for sure that you know he's not going anywhere you know exactly where you stand with him you are never worried that you're not pretty enough or not good enough there's no second guessing yourself or you know beating yourself up over what you might have done wrong and just or imagine the man in your life just feeling this kind of you know irresistible drive to love you in the same way that you love him you know how would that change your experience in your love life no matter where you are in dating and relationships and do you have anything you wanted to add there no didn't have anything that was fantastic so okay okay well let's just jump right into the mistakes then I'm going to be looking at my notes a little bit here to make sure that I don't miss anything this is such important information so mistake number one is staying stuck on a man who isn't you know giving you the relationship you want or who's not willing or able to commit to the kind of relationship that you're looking for and this was certainly something that I used to do over and over again and a lot of you know women come to me who are kind of stuck on this one man who's just either not doing the job in the relationship or not moving things along and taking things to the next level and it's really it's really painful it there's a couple things it does it really prevents that woman from opening herself up to men who are available and who are you know those good masculine high quality guys that would just be thrilled for a chance to like pursue her and be in a relationship with her and it also keeps that one particular man at a distance if you know this is someone you're in a relationship with if he gets the sense that he can kind of just treat you however he wants and you're going to tolerate bad behavior and he can take as long as he wants to make up his mind about like what he wants to do with you there's no reason for him to come towards you and make a decision there's nothing to compel him to come close right so what women do who end up in this soul mate level relationship are the women who quickly move on from any man who's not stepping up who isn't the right man for some reason and i know it can be really difficult to do this but it's really really important you know when you do this your chances of meeting the right man for you will dramatically increase when you're not staying stuck on someone who's not doing the job you know or the one particular man that you have in mind will just start to see you in a whole new way if he starts to worry that he's going to lose you or he can't you know if he's just kind of like taking forever to make up his mind or to move the relationship forward if he gets the sense that you're not going to wait around for him and that you're not going to like tolerate bad treatment he if he's the right man for you he will step up right away and come back towards you and and basically do what he's supposed to be doing in the relationship and just kind of like the harsh reality is that not every man is going to be able to give you what you want it as much as you love him and as much as you've invested and put a lot of effort out in the relationship you just can't push and shove your way into a man's heart no matter no matter how hard you try it's not it's not how much you've put into the relationship that determines a man's desire to want to be with you and fall in love it's the amount of effort that he puts in that really determines those things so that's the first mistake staying stuck on a man who isn't fully committing to you or who isn't doing the job in the relationship. Matt do you have anything you want to add there? Sure yeah so a big thing things have changed right things have changed in the dating world things have changed for men and women and there's kind of a new you have to it used to be that you know you could kind of assume that everything was moving down this aisle right a lot of people call it the relationship escalator right it they're like you know going through this escalator of things where at the top of it they get married and have kids and there's a happily ever after type of thing and you just can't assume that anymore right you can't assume that if a guy's hanging out with you or talking to you or he wants to sleep with you or that he's been sleeping with you or you know that you've been seeing each other or that you're spending a lot of time with each other or that you're even emotionally connected that he necessarily wants something more with you you can't assume that anymore and so as a woman you have to do something different than what women used to do and if you want this relationship and one of the things that you have to think about is how important is this man as far as this whole kind of thing is is concerned right because a lot of women end up they they find a guy and they're like oh but i really like this guy and they just you know cling on to him you know even if he's got all these things that are huge red flags that are telling her that he's not the right man for her and so um yeah there's a lot of different ways to kind of you know shift this and what you want to start doing is start um becoming somebody that he he wants to make sure that he doesn't lose right he he needs to feel urgency to move things forward and he needs to feel like you're a big catch like you're an incredibly valuable woman like he's you're the type of woman that he's never met before and that he doesn't want to let go off so that's that's all i love that yeah absolutely that is great and uh do you mind if i just jump into mistake number two or yes please okay okay so mistake number two is accidentally chasing a man and this can be really easy to fall into especially if you have a sense of urgency about the situation you know urgency on the woman's part always kills a man's attraction and feelings of connection towards her um but like matt was saying it's important for the man to feel a little urgency about like taking you off the market so to speak so he doesn't lose you to another man or to you know something else so accidentally chasing a man looks like you know stepping into your masculine energy when it comes to the way the two of you interact it could look like um always being the one to initiate contact with him constantly where he's not really doing any initiating it could look like moving the relationship along all on your own like you're always the one to ask him out and make plans with him and you know drive to him and pay for everything when the two of you are together even just you know thinking about a man and obsessing about him constantly is a form of chasing a man in my opinion just energetically a lot of women think that they're not doing this but they actually are because they're just constantly obsessing about and strategizing and thinking about a man even when he is not really putting a lot of whole a whole lot of effort in so you know the what this costs you when you start accidentally chasing a man is you you feel like you're putting in all this effort and therefore you're investing yourself in the relationship more and more and more and a man is that's where women say like i've done everything for him i've put so much effort in and invested myself in him and he's just taking me for granted or you know because those things are not what inspires a man to really fall in love and come close to you and lock you down for a real committed relationship it's something completely different so that's one cost of accidentally chasing a man another one is is you know a man might kind of like it if you do everything for him and he's probably happy just to lean back and let you you know run the show but you know it so it can keep a man like that hanging around you for years or even decades and like i've just mentioned it's not what inspires him to truly commit to you and and fall in love and give you the relationship you want so you know it's we tend to think that every time we do something like that it's you know getting us one step closer to that you know commitment or to that lifelong love that we've always been looking for but it's just it's just not that's not what makes a man fall in love and inspires those feelings in him so what you want to do instead is lean back into your feminine energy and allow a man to step up and do some of the pursuing and allow him to start you know chasing you because like i mentioned before it's the amount of effort and investment that a man puts in to the potential relationship that determines his desire you know men fall in love when they feel like they've invested in you and put some of that effort in themselves so you know when you do this the right way a man will feel this urge to kind of like escalate his efforts and move things forward all on his own without any like prompting or pressure or strategizing or games on your end it's really really powerful or you know if he's not the right man for you when you stop putting in all that effort and chasing him he will you know back off and fade away and a better man for you will step in but you don't know you don't really know what a man's going to do unless you give him the opportunity to to really step up and the way to do that is to stop chasing him even on these very subtle levels and you know the truth is that you know the a man will be happy to take what you have to give he'll be happy to you know like sleep with you and and let you do everything for him but that's not what ultimately inspires his desire to commit to you and it's not what makes him fall in love it just isn't you know the what makes a man fall in love doesn't really involve a lot of effort on the woman's part in the traditional sense of like chasing and and doing all these things to sew the relationship together it's something completely different it's it's about a being and and it's more of a feminine energy like mechanism that's going on it's not this masculine energy thing where the more you do the more a man falls in love it's actually just the opposite so um did you want to add anything to yeah absolutely uh because there's there's a little bit of confusion and there's some confusion in our community the other day about this and so I just want to clear it up a little bit and it's this idea that um if you're not chasing him you have to like totally do nothing altogether and you can't contact him and you know you can't tell him anything and you can't talk to him and you know when he does talk to you you don't really talk back and and there's kind of these extremes right and and we had this in the men's dating space as well right like um we would talk about like not being a nice guy right in the men's side and like guys would be like oh well um I don't want to be an asshole right and so like what they would do is they'd go from this nice guy side and they jump over and like be a total a-hole to these women and you're like whoa you know like you know I mean like when I say don't be a nice guy you know and be more assertive and be you know stronger and be more confident that doesn't mean you need to start like insulting women and attacking them and all that kind of stuff because that's not attractive either you know and and so there's there's kind of a middle ground in everything right there's a middle ground there's something and usually what happens is people start on one side and they kind of bounce back and forth and for a lot of women what this looks like is they go from the space of doing everything right they're they're they're doing everything they're contacting all the time they're you know like sending you know mass text messages they're planning the guy's life they're you know doing they're they're doing everything right and then they jump over to this other side where they don't do anything at all right and then they're a little bit confused and I I know um I'm not sure exactly I I'm guessing that there's a little bit of a difference between the way that Helena and I think about this but um for me it it's not and and I'm guessing that we probably have the same kind of uh like underlying fundamental um thought strategy on this but at the same time there's kind of like you can invite a guy to do things right like you can you can talk to him and you can create kind of this space for him to do stuff um which doesn't mean that you do nothing right but it also doesn't mean that you do everything and so there there's a middle ground where you're um you're connecting with him you're um kind of uh uh getting him to chase more right getting him to invest more in you getting him to do all these things by this combination of things where you're kind of not only leaning back which uh we talk about a lot but also kind of inviting you know and creating a space and opening it up and and allowing him to come in there and because it is it's that investment that makes him want to commit you know it's it's um it's his feeling like you're this amazing woman that he spent a lot of time with that makes him want to stay there right if if he spends a lot of time and money and energy and um uh you know does all these things for you he thinks in his mind like wow I've spent you know I like he looks back on it it's like that it's one of those psychological principles where you do something and then you look back and start justifying it and you're like oh yeah I am interested I am interested in something real here you know and and um guys will find themselves doing that where they're like oh um I yeah I did do all these things and I am interested yeah yeah I must be really interested in this and they'll you know even talk themselves into it like no you're right I do want that and you know blah blah blah blah so um I don't want to ramble on here I'm so glad you brought that up yeah it's a really common misconception I talked about this in in some of the videos on our channel feminine energy is not just about doing nothing it's just not it's uh although yes I'd rather have a woman do nothing for a little bit than to do all these things that look like chasing a man because it you know gives a man moment to breathe it's like a pressure valve gets released so doing nothing is doing is better than doing all these things that push him away but there's so much to feminine energy that involves doing something it might not look like you're doing anything on the outside but there's a lot that goes into it because um there are very specific things that inspire a man's love and devotion and commitment and that actually brings us right to uh mistake number three do you mind if I just jump into that yeah jump into it okay uh so mistake number three is not connecting with a man in a way that truly makes him fall in love and want to commit to a lifelong relationship with you so a lot of times you know people talk about like a mind-body connection like you know oh like you want to have this physical connection and mental connection and those things are great like those are fantastic and you likely you know will have those things with uh with your life partner you know once you meet that guy or maybe you're already with him you will have a mental and physical connection with him likely but that is not what makes him fall in love what makes a man fall in love is a really deep heart-to-heart connection so if you don't learn how to connect with a man's heart in the right way what happens is um you know you'll be you'll be like trying to create this connection through these other ways that don't work like you know you might try and create the connection physically like through sex you know so you just I have I've had friends or people in my life that would think you know well if you know the sex is good enough that he'll just keep coming back for more and more and it's and that might be true for a little while but that's not what makes him fall in love and want to be in like a relationship committed relationship with you it's something completely different um the truth is that you know that a man can have a great sexual relationship with like a female buddy right for forever for years and years and years so the cost of not you know connecting with a man's heart and trying to go about things in one of these ways that don't work is that you will likely become very attached to the man if you're sleeping with him the oxytocin kicks in and all of those like really good feeling neurotransmitters and and we as women can get very attached and bonded to a man physiologically you know that in combination with the mental connection then we can feel like we're connecting on all these levels and meanwhile I mean the man's not falling in love you know he might like you and he might want to like you know keep you around for the mental like stimulation he gets from you or if like if the sex is really good I'm sure he'd want to keep you around for that but the woman thinks all of these things you know are moving them towards this deeper commitment and this like you know soulmate level love where a man can stay at that level for a long time you know I know couples who have been in this like kind of casual relationships for 20 years you know and the woman thinks that you know they're still holding out hope thinking the man's gonna like propose next year you know every year it's like the same it's just not going to happen so you know what you want to do instead is create this deep heart-to-heart connection and this is one of the things that you can do that you know it's a feminine energy thing but it's something you actually do it's about going deep within yourself and connecting to yourself first I would say the way to connect to a man's heart is always through your own heart first so if you're cut off from your own feelings if you're cut off from your own heart and you're up in your head trying to create some connection with a man it just won't work you have to start with yourself you have to go inside yourself and connect with that and then learn how to express some of these things to a man in a way that really really brings him closer rather than pushes him away so when you do this correctly you'll just kind of like see a man falling in love with you right before your eyes and you could just feel it it's very it's very powerful and if you know you've ever tried that you know that it's true it'll kind of set you apart from every other woman out there who's kind of stuck in her masculine energy or isn't connected to herself and her own feelings because like I mentioned the truth is that you know a man would be you know he might keep coming around forever if you are connecting with him physically or mentally or in some other way that doesn't really truly make him fall in love but it's not getting you any closer to that lifelong committed relationship that that I know you're looking for so this is the third mistake not connecting to a man in a way that makes him fall in love and inspires this like desire for him to come closer and commit to you um did you have anything you wanted to add there Matt? I see that a lot happening in I mean we get women all the time that are like okay well you know this is this has happened you know like we've been seeing each other for five years I had a woman one time told me she was seeing a guy for 15 years and he still was like no we're not in a relationship no we're not dating each other and um I mean it's just a painful painful thing it's like don't waste your life with a guy that's not going to move things forward not going to create help you uh who's not going to create the relationship you want with you you know and and you need to get on the same page with a guy and you need to communicate and talk to him and find that find these things out it's not an assumption it used to be an assumption and we you know I get women sometimes that'll say things like oh well men should just assume that if we're going to sleep together that we're in a relationship and it's like it like a lot of women out there think that I mean a lot of people out there think um and I've because I've heard this from plenty of women clients as well but a lot of people out there think that if you're talking to each other you're in a relationship or if you're you know if you go on a date with each other you're in a relationship um when I was doing online dating I had a woman that contacted me and she said uh she was like hey um she sent me something and like I was I sent her back like hey you know like I don't know I I can't remember what I said but I didn't kind of continue on the conversation and you know a couple days later she's like hey is it okay that I see other people now you know I'm gonna shut this down and and uh you know I only talk to one person at a time and I'm just like what what are you talking about um but but yeah you you know don't yeah I don't know I think you've kind of you know said it over and over and over again so yeah I'm not gonna repeat it you can go ahead okay okay great so that's that those are the three mistakes that prevent you from attracting the man you want whether you are single and looking to attract your soulmate or if you have a man in your life but he's just not taking things to the next level or you know anything like that so I mentioned at the beginning of this that you know it's going to give you an opportunity to talk with me one on one about your unique situation because you know every situation is different it's really important to get like the details of your situation and and uncover some of your own patterns and blocks to love if you really want to turn things around and uh right now I have a uh couple openings for new clients and here's who I can work with and who I can help I can help women who um are single either if they're recently single or if they've been single for a really long time and they're frustrated and struggling to meet that right man if you have a pattern of like attracting the wrong men for you or attracting the same type of man over and over where it doesn't work out I could definitely help you with that situation um women who are in relationships and the connection has fizzled a little bit or the man isn't doing all of the things that he did at the beginning of the relationship when they first got together um I can help women you know who are whose man has uh like drifted off and faded away and they're looking to recapture that connection because it is possible the connection was there at the beginning and he was attracted to you and moving things forward it is possible to recapture that recapture it and reconnect it depending on the situation but I've seen just seen that happen over and over and over again uh who I can't work with are you know women who are in abusive relationships and they want to stay with the man and try and work things out when they're in a situation where they're being abused you know women who want to get their ex back and the guy has clearly stated that there's no way it's going to happen you know they're they're trying to kind of like make the impossible happen you know typically these tools don't work in situations like that um so I have a a new program new coaching program called the sole me attraction system and I'm going to be working with a small group of women and we're just going to you know dive deep into what's going on with your unique situation and uh there's a lot of personal coaching that happens in this program you get four uh private one-on-one sessions with me one-hour sessions over the phone and uh also q and a calls once a week with this with the group and we also have a facebook group and you also get you know email access to me um I get you know so many questions every day it's like unbelievable and I can't obviously you know uh only going to be responding to I'm going to be basically focusing all of my coaching efforts on this small group of women so I can really help them get those quick results um that they're looking for so uh this is a high-end program because it's I'm going to be giving you a lot of personal attention um so you can get those long-lasting results and um if you want to speak to me about your personal situation and see if the two of us might be a good fit to work together I believe there's a a button in the description of this yeah there's a link um in the description and there might also be a card uh like a big eye um up on the top right hand side of this video and if you click on those uh you'll go to a page where there's um a little bit of information and then kind of an application to talk with Helena if that's something that you're interested in yeah so so go ahead and click the link and fill out just a short application couple questions so I can get to know your situation a little bit and if I think that um we'd be a good fit to work together in this program I'll contact you and we can um we can do a short phone call to kind of get to know each other a little bit and see if I can help you really turn things around for yourself in your love life and if we end up working together I can I can guarantee that I'm gonna help you uncover the barriers and blocks that are preventing you from attracting the man you want or the kind of man you want and and creating an extraordinary relationship with him you know even if you've been feeling um frustrated and hopeless like like maybe like you're about to give up I you know I've worked with so many women who are at that place to and really you know had them turn things around for themselves so um did you want to add anything else is the link the links available in the description yeah the links in the description if you're interested just go down and click on the link and um Helena will and fill out the application hit submit and Helena will contact you about uh so you know getting on the phone and talking together about your situation and and what's going on with you and seeing if you guys are um a good fit for each other and um yeah so uh did you want to go into Q&A next yeah I was just gonna ask you that yeah yeah okay so um so yeah we're gonna do some question and answer and uh we're just gonna um go through and and talk to people about different things um uh so everybody that's here hello hello say hello um ask your questions if you have a question um TT says does she have a book um you have like ebooks right yeah I have like I think like 10 I have a lot of books yeah and there's also the feminine enchantment system as well that we have yeah so there's a lot of different things that she has um so Linda says how do we date celebrities online and how do we know if it really is a real celebrity person so that's it's actually a really good question uh you might have I uh say something about this first yeah um so there's kind of this weird thing and and I didn't even know that it was uh it's on both met both the men and women's side and I didn't know it was on the men's side until uh about a year ago but so there's these people that are online that are constantly scamming men and women um out of like money out of all kinds of different things there's people catfishing people there's people creating kind of these like um online relationships that are kind of weird um there's a big thing that has happened a lot and I've gotten a lot of women that have contacted me about this um where there's these guys and a lot of times they'll be in like Africa they say that they're in Africa or that they're in Iraq or something with the U.S. military and that they're um you know are in love with this woman and and oh I'm stuck out here in Iraq and I need some money to you know fly back to America and then these women like give these guys money like it just blows my mind when I when I hear about this stuff listen if if at any point in time a guy uh tells you that he needs money and you haven't met him you haven't been seeing him for years at that point you know that you should not give him any money right you should not be giving men money you should not be sending them money should definitely not be wiring them money or any of that kind of stuff if a guy um if you can't meet a guy you know I wouldn't even trust that he's a real person you know if you're talking to a guy online and he says that he's a celebrity of some sort like I mean it's possible there's a definitely a lot of internet celebrities these days uh some of some people consider us to be internet celebrities at this point which I think is kind of funny um but at the same time it's like um uh it could be it could be you might want to do some research in it you know you might want to find out more about it um you definitely want to meet the person right if if you can't meet this person and they're saying these things and they're like oh they're trying to avoid meeting you like there's a lot of women that I'll talk to and sometimes they're like there's actually a discussion on our uh in our community the other day where women were like how long do you wait to meet a guy right and um some women were like oh you know as long as possible and other women are like immediately you know and and I think there's um you know there's kind of a bunch of different things there you know obviously you want to kind of screen out guys and at the same time you don't want to waste tons and tons of time um you know chatting online because it's hard to really get a read on somebody when you're just talking to them online but if you're talking to them in person it's easier to kind of find things that are going on find red flags find you know the truth find out what the truth is and so I think that um you know how do you how do you know if he's a celebrity well you do some research you know you don't trust what he's what anybody tells you on the internet without some kind of evidence some kind of real evidence you know you even if you meet people there's women that have kind of fallen into these traps of of you know they'll meet a guy and the guy will say all this crazy stuff with no evidence to back it up and then they you know end up in some kind of weird situation and that's the absolute last thing that you want to do you um you want to find people you want to learn about them you want to meet them in person and you want to make sure that they're real people so did did you know you said it all just don't yeah don't invest yourself at all in any way until you know for sure that until you've met them in person or you know in your video chat if there's somewhere you know there's no reason why people can't video chat these days every camera and every phone has a camera there's internet everywhere you know accessible so I would just do that right away before investing any emotions or time or any any energy at all into something like that okay so the next question that we have is from pia and she asks any tips for someone who attracts guys and makes them like her and then she falls for them and start trying to control the situation doing all the red flags nagging asking what we are etc um do you have any secret tips Helena yeah well um like I mentioned in mistake number two the first step is well first step is awareness you already have that which is awesome you totally know what you're doing and I also know that having the knowledge in and of itself is one thing and actually being able to apply these things and stop yourself from doing all that stuff when you're really feeling strongly attracted to a man or where you you know you fall in love with him or you have strong feelings having the knowledge of what you're what you're not supposed to do or what you're supposed to do is one thing actually implementing it in a situation where your emotions are involved where it's like a high-stakes situation is something completely different you know like everybody knows that that smoking is is bad for you and yet there's you know millions of people who can't quit you know similar like that a lot of people know what they need to do to lose weight but they're just not able to do it so um the first or first step would be awareness second step would be stop doing all of those things and if you're having a hard time doing that you know personal coaching is really beneficial because you can you know we can take a look at the uh like subconscious drives that are causing you to sort of act out and sabotage things with men even though you know intellectually you're not supposed to do that but it continues to happen if that makes sense yeah I also think that there's kind of a lot of times there's um it depends on your situation but it might be that you have habits right some women that just have these habits and they're they're used to being masculine right so they're masculine in their jobs and they're masculine and in their day-to-day lives and so when they get into a relationship they start asking acting masculine they start doing everything they start um uh you know putting in all these effort and then the guy's not doing what she wants him to do and so then it's like why aren't you doing it you know and then it turns into nagging and then actually you know it blows up and you know destroys and and sometimes it's habits right sometimes it's as simple as habits which is um in some regards one of the more simplistic things even though habits are incredibly difficult for a lot of people to change and sometimes it's deeper than that right sometimes it's like this this thing that's inside of you that's um that's coming out right it's like these emotional things it might be fears right you're afraid that you're going to lose something you're afraid that you're not uh worthy you're good enough and so you lash out uh at a guy um because you're you're uh trying to control the situation because of those fears and so if you work on those fears if you work on those internal things and kind of creating a like an alignment into what it is that you want in a relationship with a guy it's a lot easier to um it's it's a lot easier to come from that space and do things that are attractive than coming from a space of fear and a space of feeling like you're not good enough or a space of feeling like you're not whole you know and um trying to fix these behaviors when you don't have all the internal stuff kind of set up and aligned yet absolutely yeah it's so true if you're not embracing there are certain parts of yourself that you're not embracing and accepting and they don't feel like understood or listened to they're going to act out and sabotage you usually at the worst possible moment so I have um so many powerful tools on how to turn that around if anyone's ever had a uh coaching session with me where I've taken you through one of these you know exercises you know how life changing it is really uh because these little parts of yourself that are sabotaging things with these men are just likely little pieces of yourself that are like deeply in love with you and they want you to um get what you want and they want to keep you safe they're just not going about it in the best ways so uh that's something something that I would definitely love working with you on if you decide you want to yeah and so if you're interested like we were talking about before there's a link in the description if you want to talk to Helena personally and find out if uh you guys are a good match so um let's go on to some more questions here we have Karen who says um if a guy propositions a woman for sex or gropes her on a first date should she give him another chance um I think it kind of depends on what you mean when you say that when you say the word grop what I'm thinking of is a um like a an undesired kind of physical touch type of thing right and uh you know with um you know and and again it's like okay well what exactly are we talking about here like did you did did you like you know stop him and have boundaries and you know do something about it or did were you just letting him kind of touch you and um he didn't really know that there was a boundary that he was crossing like I'm not exactly sure what was going on there so it kind of depends on what the situation was you know if he if he thought that you liked it and you didn't but you weren't saying anything about it um that that could be just a something that you need to make sure that you're setting up with your boundaries um because guys kind of test boundaries right they test how far they can go because they don't know you know and in the world that we live in today it's kind of this weird hookup culture thing where um you know going on a date it's kind of expected that there's you know if you guys do have a good connection that um you're going to be able to move things forward into a sexual relationship with no kind of strings attached to it um and so you need to set up boundaries immediately when you're dating anybody um as to what's going on and how you feel and what's going on with you um so I think I think it really depends on a lot of different things that you're talking about and um what do you what do you have to say about this Helena yeah yeah I totally agree it's um it just depends if he's it's an obvious thing where it's just you know trust your intuition like oh this is just that felt terrible or I express my boundary and he and he pushed it beyond my comfort level then obviously that's a major red flag um it could be anything if he's like hey we're having a great time do you want to go back to my place and watch a movie and you know get a bottle of wine and hang out um there are ways to say um there are ways to state your boundaries that um not only kind of draw a line and make him feel more attractive to you and and really increase uh your perceived value in his eyes while at the same time you know having him like place you in this category of like okay this is a high value woman this is not someone you know this is not just a casual fling situation there are ways to set up boundaries right away like that yeah and so we we'd need to know a little bit more about your situation um if anybody else has any questions please put the questions into the chat box uh so what else do we have here so that happened to me and I blocked him and did not send them any money yeah I hope so Carolyn I um man it's amazing that this even happens to me sometimes it kind of blows my mind that anybody lets that happen to him but it does it does it's so weird so Sue says hi all so thanks for saying hi hi Sue hope you're doing well today um and so Pia says thank you for the reply it was spot on I know what to do because I hate guys who do this to me who um but I still do it to them I absolutely I will absolutely check out your coaching awesome um Penny says I met a guy online that lives in another city he is coming to meet me next weekend for breakfast how do I tell him I don't want to spend the whole day with him hmm uh do you have any thoughts on this yeah I was a great question is there did you said what's the expectation again it's helpful to get the details here is he did he say something that led you to believe that he expects to spend the whole day with him um if that's the case let us know if not you know you could just while you're on the date with him I mean you could set that frame beforehand and say I'm so looking forward to meeting up with you next week and you know just to let you know I'm only you know I only have a couple hours because I have to um do something else or if you're actually you know on the date with him and you don't want to keep spending time with him you just you know just letting him know that you had a great time and you know you're feeling a little restless there's some errands you have to run there's just different ways to do it uh but I mean a man should uh he should know he shouldn't expect that he you know is going to spend the entire day with you um so don't don't be afraid to say some of those things well and and I know he's he said that he's coming into town and I don't know if that means that he said like I mean he like you know I don't know how you met this guy like online with him kind of coming into your town maybe it was a tinder thing or something where you you know put that he's in your location or whatever um but what you can do here and what I've kind of uh recommended to a lot of different people is is kind of have arbitrary things that you're doing afterwards right so it's good create a timeline that you want to have and uh so you say okay I'm gonna be available for 45 minutes right or I'm gonna be available for an hour and a half or however long it is that you want to spend with this guy and then have something that you're doing afterwards right and it has and don't make it something where it's totally scheduled right like it's not something where it's like a hair appointment or something where you have to go to it or you like you know end up the they end up charging you or something like that right instead um although you could do that but what you uh I think you should do instead is is have some kind of thing that you're gonna go and do you know it could could be anything could be going home and you know hanging out with your cat if if that's what you want to do but have something that's afterwards and let him know beforehand say hey um I've only got x amount of minutes before I have to leave uh just to let you know um so yeah I'd love to have breakfast with you but I got to leave after 45 minutes or whatever and then um when the time comes for you to leave that's when you decide whether you want to hang out with them for longer or not right and if if you're like hey yeah I I know I was supposed to go because and it makes them feel really really good when you do this right if you end up liking him and you want to hang out with them more and what you do is you say hey um you know I know I was supposed to go to this other thing uh you know floss my cat's teeth here in the next five minutes or whatever but um that was a joke if you don't know um but you know and what you say is I I know I was supposed to go and do this thing with um you know right after here but uh I just I just really enjoyed hanging out with you so much um I think I'm just gonna um I think I'm just gonna skip it and um you know I like what what else you want to do yeah or whatever you know and if you kind of like say hey I'm gonna skip this other thing and and allow us to hang out longer a lot of times a guy will be like okay she you know she likes me this is really awesome and I feel really good about myself and um it's it's kind of like a um a sneaky way to give a man a compliment and at the same time if you end up hanging out with them for 45 minutes and you suddenly realize that you don't like him very much and you need to get out of there it's like you already have something that you set up you've already created a boundary you've already framed it that you need to leave so he um you know he's expecting that he knows that that's gonna happen so there's that um okay so let's see wow we got a bunch of new comments on here um so what does it mean when you're always greats and asks a lot of questions but at the end of the night gets oh okay so um he even blocked me on facebook it gets rude and runs away I don't know it sounds like he's got some kind of passive aggressive thing so Sue says what what does it mean when um things are great and he asks a lot of questions but at the end of the night he gets rude and runs away um yeah I mean it depends there's a lot of different things that could be going on there but it sounds like if he's blocked you on facebook and he acts really sweet and then gets crazy and runs away it sounds like a massive red flag um that you don't want to oh your crush that's what you meant to say your crush um acts is really great okay yeah I mean I'd find another crush what do you have to say about this yeah I'd say it doesn't matter what it means you know every day I get like so many emails from women asking me to interpret what a man means and I always say you can't like change the why the reason why a man's doing some of these things is kind of irrelevant and and staying stuck analyzing his behavior and all that stuff won't help you um it's just what I would recommend is watch what a man does and see how it makes you feel so that's where I would go doesn't feel good feels like something's off here I would back to the first mistake don't stay stuck on a man who is acting in some of these ways um okay so Diana asks she says I have guys that say they are contractors and say they're out of the country uh how do you weed out the scammers on a dating site so um being a contractor is a real thing right it's it's something that I used to be a contractor right I used to be a military contractor and I used to spend a lot of time in the Middle East and um it's so it's a real thing you know and I did it that was my job for a number of years and um and at the same time um a lot of people are kind of using that position because it's kind of become a big position that a lot of people a lot of ex-military people a lot of ex kind of special forces people do and uh so a lot of people have been I guess using it to scam women out of money and so um my suggestion is if you know you're talking like what we talked about a little bit earlier is you know there's this guy he's out of the country you know what I would tell him is I'd say hey when you get back to the country let's talk right and until you're back in the country let's not talk because the last thing that you want to do because these scammers are very good at getting you emotionally connected to and involved with them right they use lots of different kind of manipulative techniques to get women emotionally wrapped up into them um is just be like hey when you get back to the country let me know you know and if they want to continue on that conversation just create a boundary and just be stern with it and be like look I I'm not interested if you're not here you know if you're not here like that's cool you know just let me know when you get back it's not a big deal you know if you're gonna be back in a couple weeks if you're gonna be back in a couple months let me know when you get back but I don't want to have a relationship with somebody who's um in some other place that I don't even know uh you know who he is or what you're doing or if you're even a real person or not um and so uh yeah you'll want to that that's what my my suggestion is do you have any suggestions I know I know that was perfect yeah just don't invest don't invest and don't wait for it don't you know if he's not gonna be back for six months don't hold yourself you know don't wait for him you know keep your energy open to men who are local and available and like ready to meet you in person too yeah and and you know as far as being a contractor what happens with contractors is they uh get their flights taken care of right if if he's a contractor in another country um all of his travel expenses are all taken care of so anytime a guy says that he's in whatever country and uh he can't get back um he's lying to you okay because his company takes care of that so anybody that says that don't listen to him um okay so what do we got next here so Lynette says I've been dating a guy for five months uh we go on dates in the beginning but recently he's just texting once or twice a day and just went on a date once this month should I worry um so it um it kind of depends on what's got you know uh who you know what what he what's going on with him why he's only seeing you or texting you um how often were they seeing each other before so she said I've been dating a guy for five months we go on dates in the beginning but recently it sounds like recently he's kind of been pulling back a little bit um and just went on one date this month right so yeah originally she was dating a lot more with him um Jude did you want to say yeah I don't want to say yeah you should totally worry and you know because I you know I don't we don't know the details of it but in general there's usually like a natural progression to things you know a man will like escalate his efforts so you might go from seeing him a couple times a month to maybe once a week to like every weekend and maybe on a weekday it's like there's this natural progression to it so if that's not happening something is off either maybe he's going through something or something in the dynamic has shifted likely if if it was really you know if it was one way before and now it's different usually it's because there's been some kind of shift yeah absolutely so um yeah and and I just wanted to mention again um if you've got uh if you want to talk to Helena about your specific situation you're interested in possibly doing some coaching with her we have a link at in the description below where you can um kind of fill out an application and talk to Helena about your situation and find out if you're a good fit for her soulmate attraction system program um so if that's if you think that might be right for you uh there's a link in the description below and you can go ahead and hit that so um let's do the next one here we've got um so Margaret says I have met two guys online and both of them wanted money as soon as I said no they stopped talking to me yeah exactly don't ever give people money just in general don't ever give people money if you want if you care about money and you don't want to lose it don't give people money at all if a guy is um uh asking you for money and you don't know him I mean it that's just massive red flag you know even if you're emotionally involved and what especially if you're emotionally involved from him from a website and you don't you've never met him in person that's huge red flag huge red flag okay so Penny says um uh how much longer should I hang out with him if I like him uh thank you for all the amazing tips uh did you uh so this is the same person that was saying that she um I wanted to get a breakfast with this guy that's coming into town um what was the question what was the question well the original remember the original question was about uh breakfast and so she's she's asking how much longer should I hang out with him if I like him thank you for all the amazing tips um it kind of depends on uh what you're looking for uh with him right and it depends on what how available he is he lives in another city it's like okay well how often is he gonna be visiting you know how emotionally involved do you want to be in a man who lives in another city do you are you willing to be in a long-distance relationship right long-distance relationships are very very hard you know and you have to have very good communication you have to have very good boundaries and you have to have very good uh very high level of commitment in order for it to work and so if um if you're okay with just hanging out with him for the day and seeing how things go that's um uh it's possible that you might end up in a long-distance relationship it's also possible that he just wants something short-term it kind of depends on uh what he's looking for and what you're looking for and what you're willing to kind of accept and allow into your life yeah yeah it depends on the situation I'd really encourage you to use your intuition to inform what you do next in the moment so rather than us telling you yeah go to breakfast with him if you like him spend one more hour with him and that's it you know so rather than going off of some external kind of stringent rule that someone else would give you I would really just you know feel into yourself and like am I having a nice time did he ask me to keep hanging out if he asked you would that feel good or not and use your feelings and your intuition as a guide and an indicator of what to do next so that would feel good say sure if not you know rather than trying to set up all these conditions and external kind of rules beforehand I would use your use your intuition your feminine energy in the moment to kind of intuit the next step then you're kind of like organically made to uh organically led to make decisions that will serve you better than anything else when you use your own intuition as your guide intuition use the magical force within you your intuition so um okay so what else do we got here Amanda says what is the standard relationship timeline from the first date to being committed meeting family proposal etc in this day and age with endless options and people waiting to settle down it's a great question it's a great question there's a lot of uh did you want to talk about this one first sure yeah it is a really great question why are you what is that face right now it's so funny you're just like making me laugh um yeah there's a it's I mean every situation is different there I could give you kind of like a generalized thing you know like if it's been three or four months and a man hasn't asked you to be exclusive or you haven't talked about the future you know I would say that should probably happen within the first few months um there's that thing that you know if a year or two goes by and things are kind of stalled and there's been no talk of the future in terms of like what you want for yourself or you know what he wants are you on the same page if if you know six to six months to a year goes by and there's been no talk of anything like that I would say um it might be a little concerning it just depends on the man like has has he expressed to you that he wants to get married to have kids one day and how old are the two of you you know if you're in your early 20s it's not such a big deal but as we get older it's important to kind of know these things before investing yourself especially investing yourself exclusively in a man um you know I've had clients where they you know they get engaged you know five months after meeting a guy I've had a lot of clients get married a year or so after first meeting a guy it depends on how old they are how settled you are in other areas of your life and things like that just depends on the situation yeah so let me give you kind of a like a snapshot into a man's world of what all this stuff is because this is something and I think I mentioned it earlier it's called like the um the escalator the relationship escalator right you're like going up and up and up and up and up and up to this place where you're married and happily ever after and children and life is wonderful and flowers and cupcakes um to a lot of women they see these things right they see these different things like okay um we're hanging out okay he's you know bringing me to meet his friends okay he's bringing me to meet his family okay he's um you know showing me his great-grandmother's you know necklace that she gave him you know in her will and um he doesn't show this to anybody else like what does all this mean like where are we going with this relationship what is what is that into a guy um you know to a woman it's like you know you're like stair stepping you're walking up this you know flight of stairs to this this location and to a guy there is no location right there's nothing there you're not going up any stairs there's no timeline right there's none of that none of that's happening at all doesn't matter in any way shape or form i was in washington dc about two months ago and i was visiting a good friend of mine he's uh from the marine corps he was a helicopter pilot and uh he was dating this girl that he met um about two months prior to that and they were immediately he was like yeah i'm meeting her family i'm you know doing all these things you know she's uh becoming a part of my life and all that kind of stuff and i was like oh yeah well what's you know and he's he's one of those guys where he's like you know i'm not messing around i want to get married you know and i'm gonna find a woman that i want to get married to and uh you know she was in this kind of potential category and um when i talked to him about it it was like okay well you know how do you feel about that when you go and meet her parents like does that change anything for you and he's like why would it change anything for me who cares you know i go meet her parents you know if my parents were in town they could she could come and meet them on her first date if she you know if they were around and she came over or whatever it doesn't matter to me and um uh you know a guy can go through all these different things where he's showing you things and giving you all this stuff and none of it means anything right none of it means that he's moving things forward with you um but here's what does mean something and it's something that you need to watch out for him not doing those things right if a guy doesn't show you to his parents if he doesn't introduce you to his friends if he doesn't do all these things with you that normally you think means that he's taking you up the relationship ladder i would be concerned i would be it would be a red flag and you want to uh go deeper into what's going on there that would make him not want to do that because it could be a lot of different things right maybe um his friends you know uh he i don't know are weird you know maybe they're a bunch of angry mig-town misogynists you know i you know who knows you know maybe his family is really weird and he has a weird relationship to him maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe uh there's a lot of different things that could be going on there and so it's not as kind of cut and dry um as you might wish that it was and you might feel like you're like okay where are the indicators that are saying that this is going in the right direction well those aren't the indicators right those are just indicators that there's nothing majorly bad going on that you need to watch out for right yeah is not hiding you from them or something that's that's the only indicator that is is if he's showing you to these people that it's not going downhill or it's not he's not hiding you or he's not uh looking at you as kind of a casual fling type of person um although it's so true yeah it's so true yeah i uh yeah that's what i say if he hasn't brought these things up by a certain everyone always wants a timeline but just like matt was saying um in one of my books i call it the relationship roadmap where we women tend to think of things as like mile markers like the first date and meeting friends and family um having sex getting exclusive going on a trip together we think all of these things are leading us down this road or i like your um analogy to like an escalator we think it's leading us down this road where the destination's a lifelong commitment but for a man it's just not it just doesn't work that way unless that those things are on the table uh you know and he's you know made that clear like this is what i want i'm ready and i want it with you until that's on the table it might not be going anywhere as fast as you think it is so important to keep in mind absolutely absolutely very important so um again i just want to mention if you're interested in uh this soulmate attraction system that helena has and um potentially talking to her about your situation and seeing if you know maybe uh you're in a place where you're feeling stuck and you want to kind of figure out how to get through it you want to make a breakthrough you want to kind of create an alignment with yourself so that dating and relationships are easier you want to attract the right guy into your life you want to um kind of fix what's going on in your relationship so that you know hopefully your man steps up and you know does all these things that you want him to do and moves things forward with you uh there's a link in the description below this video to uh fill out an application contact helena and helena will give you a call and um see if you're a good fit for the program um but i think we're running out of time here uh so um was there anything else you wanted to say helena and i don't think so i think we covered everything just you know thank you for staying till the end we just love you guys and if you you know if you think um you might want to talk with me personally fill out the application i'd love to see if we'd be a good fit to work together and yeah just thanks for thanks for showing up thanks for staying till the end yeah absolutely thank you everybody for being the best part of our community and thank you for uh being here with us it's so awesome i love talking to you both of us love talking to you and we love you being here and we're so grateful and we're grateful for you know being for you being subscribed to our channel and listening to us and um you know i really hope that this has been incredibly valuable for you so thank you so much and we will speak with you again soon