 Why would you put your documentary if I were the disgraced soldier, the public sort of humiliation of being labelled a war criminal. I agree to that title because that's what I was labelled by the media. Oh yes, oh yes, you're going to get it. I'm afraid to say the f***ing government. The MPs, David Miliband last night on TV said, oh I'm totally proud of what Tony... You dined a load of troops in a f***ing small area, a very small area, lots of Iraqis around, all wanted to f***ing kill you. How am I supposed to act? Tell me, f***ing tell me. The media have had their say, the government have had their say, the army have had their say, and me the soldier in the middle, I haven't said shit yet. Martin, how are you brother? How are you Chris? I'm a bit hoarse mate as you can hear, but that's not going to put us off. No. So I'm going to ask my original question. Martin, how are you mate? I am really good, I'm really good. I'm just enjoying the weather now as summer's come in, it just feels like you can see spring breaking its way through, and it just feels exciting time. So lots of good things to look forward to this year, so I'm in a good place. Yeah, definitely. So every now and again, I just make contact with someone and it feels like I've come home, you know, because there's so much nonsense in the world now, there's so much misunderstanding about what life is, what the narrative is and who controls it, that you might know thousands of people and, you know, I've got, what, 160,000 I think on my social media, including my YouTube channel, right? Yeah. How many can you actually connect with to a point where you kind of see things, you know, along the same lines and so just from our conversations so far mate, it's been great to meet you. Oh, thanks Chris, I appreciate that because I feel there's a lot of synchronicities in what we do in a sense, so I'm doing it within the art world and the film world and you're doing it with your podcast, which I've been watching and when you contacted me I was honoured really, I was like, oh great, I'm really glad that you're interested in speaking to me because I've been making films now since I got out of the Army in 2007 and there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in what I sort of do. I'm hopefully the voice of the military trying to sort of put our product into the world that shows an accuracy of war rather than what's been portrayed in the past, you know, and I did want to ask your opinion when you watched Diary of a Disgraced Soldier, what you sort of, what you thought of it? Oh mate, I was shocked if I was honest, but not at the behaviours because I'm former Major, I know what happens in a military mate, you know, I know what goes on and I know what can happen in conflict, but I was like, shocked isn't the right word, I was like hurt to the core by what you had to go through. So for our friends at home, who's the chap we've got to thank for putting us in touch, Martin, I've got too many people to remember. Anthony, I want to say a second name, but Anthony contacted me and he's a lovely chap, he's ex-forces himself and I know he lost his partner and he came to me because I've been a therapist for the last 10 years as well, so you know, that's what I met him through doing my therapy and we helped each other, you know, I did a bit of work then. He's on my social media got hold of me, hi Chris, you've got to meet my friend Martin and he sent me the link to your promo film, right? Or something like that. And again, for our friends at home, so Martin is the chap that filmed that, let's just call it a memorable clip, of Iraqi civilians getting what appeared to be, what was, a bit of a beating by British soldiers. At the time, it was obviously blown sky high by the media. This situation where you send our young men and women after war, then you pretend it's all like fricking jolly hockey sticks and cream scones on a Sunday and cucumber sandwiches when in actual fact, it's just the most brutal thing a person can experience or, you know, not everyone that goes to war, but, and I will hold my hand up and say when I first saw that footage, because of the power of the media, it really just seems like, oh my God, this is British soldiers behaving badly. You know, what are they doing? Oh lads, you're letting us down. When I watched your documentary, again, friends at home, Martin's made a film and a documentary. We're going to talk more about that and put links. But I just felt for you the way it had been completely spun. Yeah. All of the backstory and the context stripped out of it to make it look like you were the biggest, you know what, on the planet, you know, a little bit sort of mental as opposed to soldiers at the absolute thick end of the world who've been, who've been under constant attack for days and days and days. There's even a grenade going off in the footage, but this is a grenade and not just that, you're surrounded by mobs, angry mobs, many of whom have weapons, even if that's just, I say just, even if that's a catapult, I nearly have my eye taken out by a cherry stone, believe it or not, in Pakistan. Yeah, in Pakistan. And the guy just flicked it like that and it hit me right in the eye, bang on, didn't have time to close my eye. These guys are firing at you with, I remember my black widow catapult when I was a kid, they're lethal. And of course, and of course, as I say, that's the minimum of weapons. You're under, you're facing up to days on end. And then of course, what came out of it. And then when I watched your documentary, I just felt your frustration at the utter crock of, you know what, that is, it's not just the British system. It's a global agenda that keeps pushing these narratives. The forever wars. Yeah, the forever wars, the same story trod out again and again, knowing that the vast majority of the public who just get their information from mainstream media will go, I think it's called Hegelian dialect problem, you create the problem. That creates a reaction like, what are we going to do about this problem? And then of course, let's just say certain elements come up with the solution, which is let's go and smash the, you know what, out of some underdeveloped country at the same time as installed in our, our puppet government and grabbing a hold of the economy and the natural resources, et cetera, et cetera. But just to finish my sort of part of the intro, Martin, when you're in a car and you were so frustrated, it was so powerful. You know, this is your frustration is how everybody should be. Everybody. And yet most are walking through this Orwellian nightmare. And actually, you know, if the photographs people are putting on their Facebooks is anything. They're celebrating it. They're celebrating it. We've all lost our freedom. And I think, I think what you summed up the film and my frustrations and hearing you talk about, I watched some of it the other day. And for me, watching myself back, it's hard to watch it because I wouldn't say that I'm a million miles from there because those, you know, frustrations are still, still there, especially the last year we've, we've just been through, especially when it's what we've, what was it all for? What we've been through over this year, what this is for? Now, what I was getting at was the frustrations of what, what have we thought this form and what, when I look at Diver Disgrace soldier, I've spent the last 10 years at Fairfax trying to figure out who, who, who, who am I. And and now I feel like I mean, you're always constantly working out. You are. You're constantly looking at back and reviewing and what through Diver's Discrace soldier. have made that film any better. It's just untapped frustration of what what I've been through and watching some of your other podcasts of guys that you know were at Danny Boy checkpoint and stuff like that and hearing what they went through the public sort of humiliation of being labelled a war criminal one. People said why would you put your your documentary of Diary of a Disgraced Soldier? Well I agree to that title because that's what I was labelled by the media you know that's what I was labelled and that's what I came back from military with. So it didn't matter the 12 years of serving in two tours in Northern Ireland or tour of Sierra Leone and tour of Iraq and all the other operations have been on it was you only remembered for your last performance and my last performance was was that in Iraq so that's how I was always sort of judged and the 10 years of therapy that I went through it was getting to a point of being a peace for myself and that's when you get to a place and this goes for anyone out there suffering a mental health if you can get to a place of peace for yourself and know it doesn't matter what anybody thinks of you it's what you think of yourself that's all about if anyone watches podcasts it saves a life in a sense of finding that place of peace it does not matter what anyone what the media think of you what your family think of you what your best friends what you think of yourself is what's going to get you through PTSD and through that journey if you're going through you know self-worth issues but what I what I wanted to talk about was there's a lot of violence in in dire of a disgrace I've got a lot of expressive violence and where where did all that start and as I went through my journey of therapy it it goes back to like money my growing up me I was really fortunate to have a good mum and dad and that's kept me and I've got great family now in my partner and I'm in a very loving stable lifestyle that I'm very fortunate to have and there's a lot of people that don't have that but there was a series of events that happened to me going from my childhood up to the military and all the way up to the catalyst of when I got caught on that video saying what I was saying of the journey of getting there of just being like a caged animal if you like so if I if I go back to where I first began to grow up in Cornwall you know on a council estate and I would just put myself down as a bit of a nerd I was into comics I was into you know superheroes and my friend he was also the same he was into comics and superheroes and we grew up on a council estate where violence was an everyday thing and I my mum and dad were so protective they wouldn't let me out of the garden so I got let out the garden once because this lad took me off and I remember being tortured for about what seemed probably was probably about 20 minutes seemed like two hours where I was made to pray for my life and going through that at the age of seven where I was made to pray for my life and I was I was like I thought I was gonna die you know he was whipping me with sticks maybe pray for my life and loads of people in the state were looking for me and eventually released me and I come out of that situation and then several I don't know a year later whatever I'm with my friend Shane he was slightly older than me and we go down to take some who will say the old corona bottles used to take the corona bottles got got 10p back needs to get some plenty sweet so we come out of the shop and there was loads of skinheads outside so we go back in the shop we're hiding in the shop and then we go back out and Shane says we go around the other way and I was like no no we go around the corner and there they are it was like growing up when you know Shane meadows this is England skinheads everywhere wanting to so we got this we got this lane they let me go through it they smashed milk the milk bottles we just bought they smashed them over my mate Shane's head they kicked all of his braces in up through his face I remember watching that at the age of eight or nine and just seeing this discrituitous violence like stamping on his head and just having that impact on me and then they gave me a couple of punches because I was younger they gave some sort of compassion to me and then the police were involved and then several weeks later I'm on my bike on the estate one of the the lads who beat up Shane came up said I want your bike I was like no you can't have my bike all right give it to him then he rides it around I say can I have it back now he's like no punches me in the face and throws my bike down down the hill and it's just this going up on the council this this constant violence and I got to a point was like no one is ever doing that to me again and I just became focused totally on how I could destroy someone before and prevent that from ever happening to me again nobody will ever punish me abuse me punch me so I just watched everything I went to boxing training I just became so aggressive that once I got my first job which was working for co-op first time a shoplifter would steal something a shot I beat the shit out of that shoplifter wearing the co-op red gal with a bow tie and then the manager put him in saying you can't behave like this you're going to have to go in the military because you're so violent you're so aggressive you need to channel focus your energy and something else so I went into the army sorry before that I went to art school so while I was at co-op I went to art school and I found art school really like I was around academics basically people who just wanted to be like you know students and very intelligent people and there was me coming from a rough aggressive council estate and then with these people that were that I admired their intelligence I admired their way of being able to express themselves through art and I just still had all this violence inside of me so going in the military at time just seemed like the only thing that I could channel and focus on when I got into the military I found the harder you work the harder you train the more aggressive you are the more they promote you the more that they channel and go this guy's and make he's willing to do this he's willing to do that and they just push you towards you know getting rang and getting promoted and I just felt like I found my family with more violent aggressive individuals and we just became what when I joined one alive um I found the basic training you know people say like you've got your you know your special forces you've got your commandos and your powers and that I mean for me the training that I went through with a lot infantry was it was brutal our basic training was at the time it was all the deep cut murders that were going sorry shouldn't say that but the deep cut incidents that were taking place and do you want to explain that for our friends at home well yeah this was in the 90s there was a number of killings that that took place as some some soldier I think was like shot in the head with the SA-8 and they said it was suicide were you knowing yourself holding an SA-8 or you probably had the SLR I don't know but to shoot yourself in the head with a crazy are you trying to say I'm armed so so yeah the um the whole basic training I remember being on exercise in in um in Winchester and we did the escape and evasion and you know for a whole night we were being pursued by by the screws and I was thinking no they're gonna they can kill us you know they're gonna actually kill us they were so aggressive with our you know and they caught a couple of my friends and I could hear them like like I could hear my friends crying like like they were getting peed on they had sandbags put on the heads all this stuff that was going on like the house of processed prisoners was being taught to us sandbags on the head plastic cups put behind the back putting your legs put into stress positions all this stuff was just it was just conditioning it was just training you know I've got a listen I've got no grievance again we had the best corpals ever and they were preparing us for to be violent individuals channel focus on individuals to take on scenarios in Northern Ireland when you're going up against the IRA you know as a 19 year old lad and going into bandit country where you've got the legends of slag Murphy and like these people that have got like eight or nine can you know confirm kills of British soldiers and they're about and they're looking at you and they're looking at you like these people were you know as terrorists go they're the best on the planet and we're there to try and pee check them you know personally check these people so did all my basic training went out to Northern Ireland in 96 which was my first tour went out to Keedy Middletown and the first thing I confronted with was harder people again a lot harder people that so I was lucky enough to have a guy in my section who was a it was a boxing trainer ABA level boxing trainer and he he trained me because I killed my friend getting beaten up every night in his room so I just offered to be this guy's punchbag and I remember just being in the drying room remember the old drying room with the hooks right and that was our boxing ring literally you know if you go if you go against the hooks the hooks be stabbing in the back of your head and I remember getting walloped I've never been hit so hard in my life by a guy called Scott Harrison from Leeds and he punched me and I saw stars and I thought it was just that conditioning myself to be in a violent situation all the time constantly violence violence violence so by getting good at boxing was a way of and then they were recruiting well within Northern Ireland and that tour because nothing really scary happened to me on it was more when people talk about Northern Ireland what was the scariest element of Northern Ireland? One was the training it was the beat-up training your pump was so much fear before you go out to Northern Ireland showing you know like the signals the two signals that got caught video the you know that doing all the IED training and just the countless scenarios you go through with I did all my Northern Ireland training at Bally kinder and it was just I remember it being so so scary you know like the sense of like what the IRA could do to you if they put a device in here and we were learning from all the guys that've been for the 80s and the 70s and these guys were teaching us everything they knew propelling us for eventually what would be a racket stuff so we were getting all this this counter-terrorism training it was phenomenal and one ally was so professional they they had to think at the time they had the most tours I don't don't quote me on that but they had the most consecutive tours of Northern Ireland so not one ally and two ally had literally you know been doing it every every every year every two years they were sending the tally and out to especially around the borders and I was in Northern Ireland I just get a little Northern Ireland story of here I remember getting out there and being so petrified of what could happen didn't happen but what could happen proxy bombs remember the old proxy bombs and being talked about and being mortar attacked and all I remember was just stagging on and just looking at fields for hours and like there is things in signage that you probably wouldn't want to mention and yeah so so I just remember Northern Ireland being I remember turning up turning up on my first team and they said right you're going to be and the man no I was lucky no I was white sifter man so I didn't and then I was team I had to take the team med pack I had to take the cow drops the cow drops were I had to have the IV and all that lot by the time I put all this in my day sack because you weren't allowed to take it for a three-day operate proper truck they said no just take a day sack don't take your full your full burger so in my day sack I had to buy myself out from Silverman's catalog I had all this stuff going in I could just cram a warm jump in the top I said where am I going to put my sleep bag and they said that's not our problem crow so my three-day operation going out on an overwatch I had nowhere to put my sleeping bag so I had to just take I just took a warm top and I remember just lying between two squaddies just all night just shivering myself to sleep I could take a bitty bag I had a bitty bag that was it so I had a bitty bag and I just remember that brutality of like what have I joined this is just hell how can I get out of this you know and then watching some house for three nights but then I got selected for the for the boxing team got put on the boxing team the regimental boxing team and I always remember that guy that gave me that big wallet when we were doing the trials yeah can we just explain for our audience because I know there'll be people wanting to know those terms so Sangha is your sentry box up on like your watch tower yeah cow throbs they're the vehicle spikes aren't they to take they were just like yeah rusty chains with spikes on them and then they just weigh the time like about there must have been about 10 links a big fat chain and then you would put a bit of rope on it and then you would just stand in there in the hedge and get and if they said um runaway car you would just pull it across the road and probably not hold on to it because it ripped your hand off and let's just say white sifter we're not going to explain because that's no that's yeah yeah yeah so so um yeah just don't stand outside so anyway so so I just remember Northern Ireland just being a catalyst of frustration and coming back from Northern Ireland I was I've been selected for the regimental boxing team um so I was really proud about that that's that got me out of the platoon and got me into with another team of really severe hard bastards and we were allowed to wear the you know the regimental track suits I got me out of duties and all the best food um but then a lot of animosity towards me that so then I started to have to take out several members of my company who were like the only way I can explain it barrack life because when you come back from from operations is it's like being in prison now I've never been into prison and I'm touched what I never like to go to prison but the violence in in a battalion when the battalion's not away when you've got board troops you probably have the same in the Marines board troops for for weeks you know that Monday to Friday if they're normal but battalion life regimental duties literally they'll be doing in-house training but in the evenings in their own time it would be blokes going out getting drunk and coming back beating up the younger lads torturing the young lads and it was just abuse you know and I remember being in Colchester just like Lenny someone said can't borrow your helmet brought it back and it's covered in camcreen and shit and I said you're not going to clean it like you wouldn't know and like so I just smashed it around his head and beat him you know several times around the face with the helmet and I said to everyone you you want to borrow my kit this is what this is how you end up and then it makes sense to me look you've only been a year you can't really start filling people in I said well how long do you have to be in before you can start chilling people you know and and then someone asked him in the room said like pull these boots and I said I'm not pulling the boots and then smash them around his head and then trying to gouge his eyes out with my thumbs and I just I remember just getting to a point where I everything that was was about violence violence violence and my sergeant pulled me off him and he took me outside and he just said right Private Webster what was that about and I said he just asked me to pull his boots steve is that true yeah he said right if you learned your lesson don't come back into these lines if you do I'll be chilling your next time and I was just it was almost like a license to just beat people up and in my mind I was like for now this is like the best job I could ever be in you know violent bullies I could just smash up and and and people are going to award me by that you know remember the between sergeants like if anyone you know that line as long as you're working with the sergeant and work working against him they could use you to regulate the troops you know use your violence so I became a very sort of violent aggressive person I respect as well for the for other sort of you know I wasn't I wouldn't hope I wasn't a bully I'm sure I've come across a time there'd be people out there who served me you probably say I was you know but the the catalog of violence going in the army and and and everything was about chaining someone beating someone up I wasn't interested in girlfriends all I was interested in was was just breaking jaws and hurting someone and obviously I didn't like I didn't like who I'd become because I couldn't really be myself and it was the catalog of violence of going up to where I'd become in the army was this is who I am I suppose so Saturday night out go out and I would call it treating myself me and Jay would go out another lad from four more and all we'd be looking for was to just to break someone's jaw knock someone out and what we call civvy bashing you know and I I think at that point I knew I had a problem my dad's saying to me mine you're gonna have to change your ways because you live by the sword you die by the sword and I was wasn't hearing the message until I got arrested and then the rest of my battalion were going out to to Cyprus and I was going to miss out on this because I've been caught so we are regiments still based in Colchester and I was going back on two abh charges so and my brother was involved in one of them so we were both facing prison sentences and I had to pay for my own tickets back to Cyprus and military wouldn't pay for that which they blame them and I came back and because of my service in Northern Ireland that sort of saved my ass really went to Crancourt got in front of the judge and pleaded not guilty to one of them and guilty to the other and the judge turned around to me in the jury convicted found me not guilty of one of them and which I'm positive I probably I probably did do it I was drunk at the time but it was just I just was in a darkest place ever and I wanted I didn't want to be around I was suicidal and I thought what a mess I've made in my life and the judge goes that I'm going to make a decision today he says I'm going to allow you to walk and I know the military will punish you he said but if I ever see you in this courtroom again I will not hesitate to send you down for a custodial sentence for at least five years do you understand I was like yeah thank you so much got out got a mortgage got my shit together went to my Lance corporal started to really sort of progress forward and went out to Sierra Leone that tour was was pretty intense and then I think more and more with the Sierra Leone was just seeing the level of brutality in Africa in Africa so you know just driving past and seeing a dead body rotting on the road like it was like a dead pheasant or something you know and no one bothering to identify this person just that the the way human life is not respected in a few tours of Jordan did the Falklands and wow that was a nightmare to see what those guys fought in massive respect um what kind of stuff did you see no no mate can you oh was it in the Falklands we've done quite a few Falklands podcast and I may I find it hard to get through them without getting emotional I would fight if as a filmmaker if I can if I if I'm blessed enough I'd love to make Goose Queen and I've even scoped because I've been to Goose Queen and I saw it and what I was taken back by was just how underwhelming and I'm not saying this to describe how there's no cover it's so it's when you get there you think this can't be Goose Queen you expect this grand you know it's literally like a not the anywhere described it would look like a knoll on top of a hill not a very big knoll you know there's just no cover and you think where would you dig in where would you hide with the bullets coming down just think and we we got given all this we got given all this warm kiff deputy dog hats you remember them with the the gate hanging the hands the mitts you probably had them from Norwegian training and we was like we're wearing this stuff we look like right crows we're like right um idiots wearing this so since we got down there we had it from the full kit we had it at Gore-Tex deputy dog hats you could only identify everyone by their eyes and we were like how did they fight in this shit it was like that eighties generation were like they never could describe it probably didn't grow up with central heat they were they were they were a harder generation of and that's not taken away from the guys that fought in Afghanistan which I wasn't part of but there was something about that that's the whole of the folklands was like wow man what they did there was just another superhuman effort you know anyone that went there superhuman effort it was just because I was in mortars and we were trying to find mortars you couldn't fire no more than two two rounds without if you fired a 51 literally boom that the the depth it would go down will be literally the barrel would be at the surface area so when you fire mortars you couldn't fire you couldn't fire any more than you can't bed in so we had to do these things called ration bags and was like well so that straightaway takes away any form of like 81 millilitre away from their usage and it's just it's just like one have you been to parts of Fermanagh in Northern Ireland that you used to get like jelly like a whole you ever come across like a whole in Northern Ireland used to come across like real boggy areas and I know people talked about the bogs of Fermanagh I never saw it but in Northern Ireland people said oh this is similar to Fermanagh ground where if you find a whole field and you go like that and you jump on it and it all just wobbles it's like jelly that's anywhere I can describe it you ever come across it's like peach I've come across it on my travels around the world I was in the city in in in Northern Ireland yeah yeah they they put us up in a five-star hotel for our for our tour um not but I know exactly what you mean what they did in in the Falklands for me is I just really hope I get to to to work with I'd love to do the interview some of the parrots and rawnweeds and make a generic film that sort of not just covers the land trips I already written a script for um a film about that because I've been there from my experiences and then trying to survive what I'd like to do is interview parrots to try and get true stories mixed into did you see my podcast with Spud Spud Healy yeah I did I was listening to that yeah I was interested when when he was talking about watching watching the ships go up from his was he an OP wasn't he wasn't he talking about he was in an OP and he said he was seeing the the ships burning and he's like what the hell he's going he's the one that announced that the BBC announced it that they were forming up before Goose Green which may be may be really upset when I heard that because I had the same experience with the BBC with how they portrayed me and how they portrayed um um all of us you know from from Iraq and there's always been that the enemy within from from the BBC and the thing is I know some really good people in the BBC as well it's not to tar them all with the same brush it's like anything in it's like any organisation you get good and bad people as I do know some good no let's just mine let's just say how it is you know it's an evil organisation run it is the mouthpiece of the sociopaths that's all yeah are they good people yeah of course there are it's the same way as it's the same way in the military most of us were good guys but the overall role in the structure of when you look at the global holistic perspective of what war is what the military industrial complex is you know um sorry it's it's it's all just so prevalent at the moment and I don't think people understand that everything you're talking about ties ties into what's going on today with mouthpieces like the BBC have conditioned us to think everything is separate you know you know there's the scenario that I look at with the Iraq war which will continue is what Tony Blair did was he cried he's the boy that cried wolf and what he did was he used an asset that the fact is that never again will the British public ever ever trust any intelligence that comes from the government or from the media right to to so if we are really in serious serious threat how are we going to get that information because it's being used they've pulled the cord right you know World War two it was essential for us to fight and stand up for our country and war was a necessary force to be used and now what we've done is because of the forever wars we've we've blown that force and now good people like myself and all the next generation they're not going to join up because they they realize that the government and the but the powers that be have you have cried walk the boy that cries wolf told lots and lots of lies for their own personal gain and used what is the the greatest monetary that's ever lived for the wrong reasons and left this sabotage that everyone's now I sold my medals you know I sold my medals because I'm so angry at what you know I'd love to get my medals back now looking back at it but I would look because I felt like well no why it wasn't me that told those fibs it was it was the power that it was my you know what they say um lions led by donkeys it was led by sociopaths who who had an agenda their own personal agenda but people say to me would you know what's what's Tony Blair's karma the time the karma that Tony bear faces now is the fact that no one will ever take anything he ever says for he was the currently the man of the people and I was pleased when he got in but now his words mean nothing they only mean something to the to the oligarchs and the business people that pay you millions to do a dinner after dinner speech but he could never speak to the people now whatever he says now the people go against so that that's his that's his karma that's his punishment he signed the Faustian pact didn't he he signed his soul to the devil for what he considered was success he will get that for the rest he will get the millions in his bank but and it's it's crazy because what happened in Ireland you know with Mo Moland the work that she because he took the credit for what Mo Moland had done bringing those you know those guys to the peace table were Adams and and Guinness and and never never never was his name um paisley and all those people yeah he bought the she bought those people to the table and Tony Blair took the credit took the credit for that um but but going back to my story so building up to Iraq done 2000 Northern Ireland tour of Sierra Leone so it's pretty we were the the second tour of Northern Ireland was pretty ferocious because when we used on Port of Downbridge so the more that seemed in 2000 under the Northern Ireland peace agreement the was it east of was it the Good Friday agreement they released Johnny Adair they released the red you know all of the the IRA suspects that have been for years at the main prison released all of those those those um hardcore paramilitary fighters have been released into Northern Ireland and you had the Gavaki Road in Northern Ireland have you heard of the Gavaki Road no in um in Port of Down and what it is it's it's basically a Catholic a storage Catholic area and every year the Orange men want to march through that so what what they do the um Port of Downbridge is the church and on the on the where the church is and the church out is there's this little tiny little bridge and that's where the parade starts and then they walk down across this bridge and then they walk through the Gavaki Road and what happened every I don't know if it's going to happen this year but every June or July that the the military would put a flashpoint they would put the Saxon with the old wings out and then you the wings wouldn't fully cover the whip for the bridge so you'd have to then fill it out with with six foot shields so you had um three six foot shields on the one side and so two sections basically holding it out and that was our job was to go down there and um yeah some ferocious fighting then we get a lot of crossbow bolts fired at us acid chucked at us uh petrol bombs nobody can riot like the the irish they are the they are the creme de la creme of rioters I remember we was on Port of Downbridge and uh it's quite a funny story we marched down and I just said to my mate Lee and we were growing up with him from and he was in my same tip he was in my team in Northern Ireland I said let's just take a shield approach so we got down there we were there with the shields and these um UVF guys whatever you want to call them you know we're behind this going telling us bobby sounds jokes and telling us and we were all like trying not to that I'm a Catholic myself and I was like listening to this stuff they were saying and they're going you know you're brick no we're calling us brick bastards except when they've been there that they were they were getting on our cases and me and Liam were like trying not to laugh so we started smoking they go we've got a couple laughing here so they're like talking to us trying to get in with us and we're like there with the shields just staying composed and I remember the final straw was someone who got chewing gum put like a smiley face on his shield and then they started chatting to me I said guys it's Saturday night wouldn't you all be downtown just taking him this is out from there what are you down here now right here they said no because we love it he said we love doing this and we said for our whole hour on that spin everything was sound and then my mate comes down um I won't say his name because he comes into the story later on he became my son major but we were good friends he was a sergeant and he came down and he had two battens and he was there he was there like that conducted them and they were going you fat bastard you fat bastard he was doing that like winding them up next you know just trolleys and I remember what was it step step ladders step ladders coming over and there's there's famous pictures of all this stuff here so we're like sort of shuffling away handing over the shields to to the next and I remember then they were there was a guy like trying to suck some door and he kept doing that and he did it for an hour he was going kick him kick him kick him kick him kick him kick him and the driver's going oh for god's sake you just knock it on the air it's not going to open he's like kick him kick him kick him kick him did it for an hour and then if it took it opened so he just opens the saps and he's like trying to trying to keep all the uvf come coming in but I don't know if it's uvf or uda I don't know I don't want to get that wrong and have them and organization left me but whoever was on the bridge on the port of down they came in for that so he penetrated the line and I remember they they set fire to the suction and I had one of the did you remember those old radio mics for the plunger on your head used to get a plunger and a throat like that's all we had me oh well I was the only one I was a new lunch jack so I was the only one who had that everyone had the Gucci little head pieces and I had the old plunger when he used to get hot he used to slide across your eye looking actually I think I think the one that clipped around your ear had just come in it just come in but I was the only one who had that stupid throat like and then it used to have a pressure switch used to put on you I put it on your gas and use put it on your weapon yeah so I remember I remember going um and John my mate John who was the the sergeant it was he was like banging me on the head he goes what are you going to do about it man what are you going to do about your weapon what are you going to do about it I said let's get down there I'm fucking kicks I'm fucking ass let's kill these bastards or something like that and all I remember is my sergeant so I go webby you're on purpose I put my hand on the vessel so this was a little early version of me and I'd sent that over the whole brigade so I got caught out on that one um and that was my first experience of and then my sergeant made you pull me the one that I said you've got to calm down because I did I had I I know myself I had I had anger issues I have issues with I always respected the commanders on the ground that could that could they could do the job effectively but they didn't lose this shit that's why I would never get into the SES because I I've always lost my shit I always had that thermostat and then once I'd gone crazy and nuts I'd experienced burnouts so I was pretty useless really to to work to the team I was banned I was banned from the SES mate too hard yeah I was I did two weeks for the selection of 2003 and I was too uh I was too lazy I just went I cannot do I remember do not kill me when I went to herofin I looked on the wall there was a wall no more bigger than this and it was all the pass out photo this is what broke me I looked at all the pass out photographs this was from like 10 years and there was only little little pass out photographs with like four people were with the DS in the middle right it was like this was like spanning 10 years and I just looked there's 100 people on this course and I went and I looked at this this is what broke I don't know if they know that but I was at herofin I think that breaks people more than anything look to the one for what chance have I caught being on one of these pass out photographs crammed in the Kremlin full respect for anyone who's done that honestly I it's not it's not something I could ever do I have so much admiration and respect for those those soldiers that get through but um and same for the Royal Marines as well and the Paras I've been a massive respect for those veterans we're going back to my story so I come back from Northern Ireland on that tour did the Sierra Leone tour and I think it was by the time we were supposed to go to Iraq this is an interesting story so the build up to Iraq so we knew in 2002 that that it was building up to Iraq we were being warned off we just passed what we call the conversion so our regiment had gone to Germany from Edinburgh we basically had gone to Germany and we passed our conversion our colonel at the time was phenomenal um I wouldn't say his name because he's not so but he was ex-special forces and he'd um he'd also been he'd also been SAS and also SBS and it was very rare that someone from the SAS would would go and command this this is what I was told on Earth that's true but he was he was well thought of by the SBS and I knew an SBS guy from my local town who who actually said he he'd worked with our our CO and said he was absolutely amazing really good to work with and this guy's just top-ledged using Gulf War one and he really wanted to take us out to Iraq for Gulf War two um so we passed our conversion and we were all set to go there and um we'd be given the Amfrax jobs so we've been given eight inoculations of Amfrax on the build up so 2003 we were getting the that Christmas of 2002 going into new year 2003 getting all the Amfrax jobs and we were just set to go we were like brilliant this is amazing and then our colonel brought us all on the on the protocol I never forget and he goes right guys I've got some really bad news because we're not going we're not going to Iraq we're not going to be going uh they're going to be sending the um Black Watch and apparently Black Watch have failed their armoured conversion and we I just remember feeling sick in my stomach all your life you prepare for it and to be honest you know I joined the army because I wanted to kill someone that's one of the reasons I know it sounds really cold-blooded but that was one of the reasons I you know I wanted to go into war I wanted to kill someone I wanted to I wanted to fight for my country and I wanted to do you know I wanted to do my service and suddenly get that feeling that you're not going I remember just my stomach turning so if it don't worry we're all going to send two companies from our regimen to go under attached to the Black Watch no to attach to the fuseliers it's fuseliers and the Black Watch that we're going we're going to send two companies and that's going to be a company and D company and so I was in fire support company and I just I remember feeling sick and I just um I was promoted I was at the Lance Corporal I was in mortars and I thought right there might be a ticket I might be able to get into this with and I remember trying I remember trying to even get busters to a private so I could get in on this on this act then what made them everyone was sick because you've got half you've got these two companies walking around in desert kits you've got new lads turning up to battalion right you've just been trained by at Winchester and then Catterick and then suddenly they're getting given their deserts and that's as corporals and tides and so I'll sit back and just got to watch these youngsters going off the war and we're like this is this is and especially when they're walking around here the old desert rats flashes on now just how can they get on this how can I get on this ticket and they said don't worry guys because we're going to do firefighting in Birmingham so they rolled out the green goddesses and my company I remember honestly I wanted to cry I've never ever felt so just felt sick you know like how can I this is what we've been preparing for all these years and we're doing green goddess training you know don't go too close to fire lads because these are 1930s vehicles and they're made of wood and like we're rolling out the rolling out the flipping and it had 1933 written on our hose like these haven't been unpacked since 1933 this was in Santa Lager getting these hoses out and then we had a wicker basket to go on the end of it which was a filter you could put into a lake so you could drain from a lake like a wicker basket this stuff you had a you had like a Trumpton style crank to start up here you're not selling it to me and do you know what do you know what I said what they said right don't go anywhere near the fire because you're not you're not fire proof so what they did was they doused us in water that was all right so we had to get doused in water that was our protection against the flames and then remember that we went to Birmingham and so the night of all like when you see the rock shock and all and everything going out we had to watch in a fire station and I felt like crying I couldn't watch it and I wanted to be there so badly and it wasn't happening and I remember I remember that Colonel that was talking about we was in the mess and I said sir I said why can't we go you do you not think I want to go do you not think I want to take this this this battalion that I've trained to walk up website he said he goes you got to deal with it you got a man up and deal with it because we're not going you go so just deal with it that's it and I went yeah and then by him saying that to me I said what was it that stopped us going he said I don't know if he's ever been known before but he told me that the reason why the first battalion light infantry didn't go because they were going to use the railhead from Germany in San Margo there's a railhead so the railhead is is like you know an access for military to get onto the rail and they're going to go all the way along the railway and get down to Turkey and come in through where the Kurds live I can't remember what that is but you know come in that the north way of Iraq so we're going to come in through so because Turkey it turned around and said no we don't want anything to do with the Iraq war because Turkey said no they couldn't use the railhead they couldn't come through that country does that make sense yes mate it does I'm just they're going to have to they're going to have to go through a sea a sea invasion so because Turkey said no that's why our battalion couldn't go so I was really angry with Turkey that's it that's it the co said to me don't blame don't blame me blame the Turkey because it's not my fault we were not going or something like that so yeah so we went firefighting and we never even got to do that they didn't the the police the fire brigade didn't go on strike in the end so we didn't even get to put a fire out so it was just it was just it was a so we come back to battalion and everyone was like you know when people talk about going to like folklans after the folklans or they call picking brass picking up brass don't they so that's what we got told there you go there's an there's a there's an opportunity where when we go back to battalion when the lads come back from the summer of fighting you know um octelic one we might be going out to pick up their brass so we were we were like that when we got back I remember getting blueies remember blueies the letters that you could send for free in the military do we need to in the marines we call it picking up the cylinders so it for for friends listening it's it's the cartridge casings I know many of you know that will got that but for those that are going what what brass yeah well I remember getting blueies through these letters come through and my mate was going yeah I'm a lot of fun killing people doing and I was just reading it going I remember I felt exclaimed like because this is going to change our regiments forever these people have done it and we haven't so no one's allowed to talk about it in the corporal's mess no one's allowed to talk about it in the naffy no one's allowed to talk about this full stop we don't want to hear you war stories so we get back to battalion they all come back they're just cutting around in the desert still like you know we've just been we've just been to war and like so you've got like corporals that have just trained recruits at cataric right in conventional war fighting and then they're coming back and then the crow that they talk to the the sproggs the joes whatever you want to come back from war going they then got to do gpmg drills and that again well now when you've done it for real when you've done it for real you constantly so there's this whole disparity in our battalion and it really ruined our battalion I remember just being like we don't want to hear about it and then there was this whole opportunity that we're going back out so that was a double blow for the ones that had just come back they only had like two months or something to literally resettle and then they're going back out to do uptellic free so there was no real downtime for them blossom but hey we've got to have our war now or you've had so so we're getting pre-deployment training and a lot of it's we're just going off what we learned from Northern Ireland this year with the air there's no rules of engagement obviously there's no u.m. backing still for this war there's no rules of engagement there's we're still going off we're going to go off the rules engagement of the yellow card when they don't speak any English we're going off if you remember the old powers of arrest was the old green card I think the big green card from Northern Ireland where you could these little cards were like up infantry's documentation on how to how to stop and search people we had little phrase books but the the information it was leaking through we had to pick the brains of the guys that had already been out there that they've been fighting conventional war so now we're moving into policing and you know hearts and minds and what we've been doing in Northern Ireland for the last 10 years uh mine keep talking I've got to come wire a plug yeah yeah sure so so we are um so we're so we're deploying to Northern Ireland sorry we're deploying to Iraq I remember there was still issues of a lot of kit and equipment we were going to use the 432s which we've been trained in and the 432s that we were using had mortars mounted in the back of them which had been used for for a long time I think the 432 itself which then became the bulldog had been used since the 30s of in in Germany the um rifle companies they would be using the warriors and we would go out and we would do a two day two day a two week package in Basra I remember the flight out to to to Iraq was with Argentine airways we got we got to Basra and the first thing I noticed when I come off that plane is that smell that I remember going to Jordan um that smell of human feces the heat and I just just um lack of you know because there is no sewage out there's no sewage treatment out there there's that that smell of that sweet smell that smell of pungent shit and heat and I've never ever got on with it you know never really I can never and dust that that so you you know that that that would just bung you up and then you you sort of we get off the we get off the plane and we're given the first this is the first if you read my book Soldier of Consequences um Soldier of Consequence I've got my name on the book wrong so Soldier of Consequence I talk about it that the biggest screw up of the the tour which I saw which was could have been cataclysmic if it was if it was identified by a terrorist organization or an insurgent organization there was the fact that we get off the vehicle we're given we're given the old anoeba vests what they called the body armor and do the lucky few some people had one plate some people had no time no plates the old they get like a kevlar plate which is to stop a bullet game for your heart because the actual vests people think that's bulletproof now that just holds your organs in if you get blown up holds your core together um but the plate down the middle does stop rounds because I've had friends that have been shot in and it does does actually work the kevlar it's amazing stuff some people have one plate some people like I had none uh getting given a horrible have a box the old white have a box with something low that's been made locally that would have some strange meat in it um and a bottle of screech or pop like orange juice to be warped a moldy apple a pack of local crisps with some dodgy flavoring on it and just oh and then some melted chocolate bar getting that and then sat down feeling vulnerable you haven't got your weapon um and then we all just piled onto these buses and I was just like oh my god I can't believe this and outside what turned up was basically two military police landrovers you know what they look like you know with their chef's webbing you know pouches hanging down all undone like just all over the nine mil pistol which like nine mil pistol like not even looking not even covering their arcs they're just counting about so you've got a whole battalion so looking at 500 people getting onto wagons with no weapons right and they all they said to us to do is close the curtains so these little what they call jumpy trucks like you know like so we're closing the curtains this is this is suicide so we're all on the the whole battalion 500 people getting on these shitty little rickety buses right and then two landrovers for escorts one either side so this whole convoy whole brigade right I hope it's not brigade battalion moving with these two I mean what these these military police were going to do they'd be they'd be useless so move 500 body of men to um was it called in shiber we call it shy beaver because they're probably getting trouble for that but that's what the that's what everyone should label it it's the logistic bases shy beaver log base so we move to shy beaver log but we get lost so we're two hours we're in the thick of past right look at what's going on so these military police guys have got lost right and we're like opening the curtains looking out never honestly all you needed was about 10 rpg's and that's 500 men taking out what a score if they got it you know unbelievable isn't it you can't fathom it how stupid who organized that whoever organized that should be he's probably he's probably got I bet he got them I bet he would have the person to organize that sat there now with one of those cbe's or something now anyway so then we do like we do a two week package then we start getting these guys turning up right honestly check that you are not going to play this story back this guy turns up right and I can give his nickname because it's not his real name I can't remember what his real name was but he was a really short dude right and he goes and everyone just started laughing so what's going on he goes this guy's he joined the ta two weeks ago he's never even been to a meeting and they sent him straight out to he's a civi taking from civi street and prompt that I must say go you are joking he said no he said I've never fired a weapon never seen a weapon never like and he's the minimi gun he was assigned as a minimi to go so we're there taking him through for an hour course on how to fire and they say 80 right I had the same thing when we left belfast and we went from whatever the name of we went we went from Girdwood Park to whatever the bar is it uh Hollywood barracks or something yeah anyway it doesn't matter and on this real vulnerable trip they just chucked us in the back of a four-tonner no it was a furniture van right right as if like the IRA didn't suss that they were using this furniture van to move a whole unit of troops around the province and um in hops this army chef that's just going to the airport right yeah and the um the driver of this furniture van runs around the back with an essay 80 in his hand and a loaded magazine as right follows someone take this and he just shoves it at the chef and the chef goes ooh I've never fired one of these before and still to this day I don't know why I didn't just go fucking give me that yeah I know wait the the the thing is by the time we got to Iraq it was so preposterous the stupidity the stuff I mean like the first because the first wave they went on octet one they went out in green kit because and the reason why they went out in green kit was because the government didn't want to put an order in for like I don't know 100 000 deserts because that would have that would have triggered the media and they would have found out in 2002 we were already set to go does that make sense hmm so that was that was uh so that's no excuse for that that we should have had those deserts end of you know and not the polyester deserts the old good quality you know the jungle stuff the first jungle issue that because when I was in Syria we got the polyester 95 kit which just made you sweat and you got loads of rashes under you but the old desert stuff they used to use in Belize from the 80s a lot of that stuff was really sought after when we was in Syria we wanted to get back those old because it was made a cotton and it was breathable and you could wear it for three days you could wear it for three days and it's not going to cause you if you if you took the jungle hat yeah which looks like the thing you know girls wear on the beach uh and if you cut the band off it around the around the rim yeah yeah then you use that as your your your neck strap or I don't even know the name of it yeah yeah but it also makes your hat a little bit cooler because it it's yeah it shrinks our wrecky platoon always used to cut their hats right there but then the end that was burning their faces the duff bastards because they we were in mortars we had them as big as they could be with like some burrows because you probably had it with mortars was always all that like because I was in mortuary and that was all the bad lads when all the guys that signed off went to mortars because it was a lot more relaxed a lot more chill and all lot of the fatties were in mortars as well so yeah in in the core in the core it's always mad mental mortars all the nuts going on so so um so where are we we've got to Iraq we're there um right we've got this guy anyway he goes for a shower and he's got the smallest you know what so they start labeling him rats cock that's his nickname right right your now name is rats cock so they're all teasing him called so rats cock is like serving with us got no experience cracking lad he was a pharmacist like trained pharmacist and now he's now he's out there deploying with us and there was a few others there was one like I had one of the lads because he was in the rifle company because we were a senior company we didn't have that like I couldn't behave like I would do in a rifle company because you have some seriously hard rasters in mortars like so you wouldn't be like dishing out the punches and you got some stronger go so the rifle company is his more fisticaps and more you know they're knocking each other out and I heard that one of the young lads that ta not like rats cock but he he'd fell asleep on stag because he's never been shown he's never been taught so he fell asleep on stag and one of the lads broke his jaw and I thought that was wrong because at the end of the day they don't know they don't know they don't know you can't beat someone up because they don't that that for me was wrong to do that to him bless him you know he's a civilian who's been taking a I mean that wouldn't probably have happened in the First World War they at least said they got six weeks training before they went out to the front line so they got this going completely preposterous so the tour is relatively calm right in fact they got so calm out there nothing was happened we started doing in-camp training so I was like set to go on Brecken because I wanted to go and train recruits at ATL Winster so I'm starting to do beat-up training for Brecken to go and get my full screw and and train recruits that's how calm it got there was one incident where I came around was it there was one instance where my friends come on my platoon that shot up some some Iraqis and this was the closest I come to shooting my weapon on the first part of the tour we get the we comes over the comes over the intercom that we've got six six Iraqi dead or something like that and this was not far from Danny Boy I think so we drive down there and that's first time I've seen dead bodies like so first time I've seen dead bodies that we've shot so I'm like right guys just get amongst it so the our commander's on the ground he said right cool so I want you to go down this body and just patrol up there and I'm thinking because we saw a couple of shooters running down that way so I think I might get a shoot someone in they get that nervous sort of bars and I'm moving down this body me and Jono who's a sergeant and then I come across my Sergeant Major and it was the first time I'd seen my Sergeant Major flustered he was because he just shot someone he's like look at that weapon he just shot someone like you know and this this you just seem like the different reactions in people once coming under contact so you're seeing like certainly crack really fit guy lovely Sergeant Major and he was like I've just done it I've done it you know I've done like and it's it's almost like the only way to describe it people call it like breaking your cherry you know it's like so I'm like flipping out there might be more down there might be more down there carried on down the body there's no one there come back and then we've got to get these dead bodies back into into the town so what do we do what's the score now you shot people right and then you're going to take them to their local village they're not going to be happy about this are they so then we're driving we drive into the village and then they cut the our commander major forks he he said I used to call as a cucumber right cool so we're just going to take these dead bodies into the Red Cross with a letter and he's just so calm like the way we talk the way you talk was like like there was nothing like this was a normal deal and then we're going to we're going to drive out of it like and I remember Assad our our interpreter and if there's any heroes that come out of my stories like it's the people like Assad who was an interpreter who who was assigned to us he went webby webby grenade and like he spotted this kid with a grenade he was about to toss it onto our vehicle and I remember just lightly cocking my weapon weapons already caught but it was I just I tried to make like I went I clicked so just to create some noise because it's already caught so I'm like you fucking you throw that in here and you're fucking dead son this kid must have been about I don't know nine or ten and he's there would go and this is what your face to get and I'm looking at him he's got the pin he's got the the and he's literally about to pull it and I went you do that and you're fucking dead you understand the little prick anyway he's looking at me like that and he knew I meant this I will put bullets for your heart you put that in our van like that and he walked down the road you carried on down the road and he went round a wall and then I was concerned it's going to come over this wall so I then sent that message to boss come on that boss there's a guy that he's going to throw a grenade his kids going to throw a grenade that's and this is what will constantly come under kids the kids that move grenades and the thing is a kid can kill you just the same as a as a as an adult you know and how many people have been how many British soldiers have been killed out there by children you know and this is what in our civilian world we don't understand that we see kids on the street here the plane but you go to the province in overnight those kids of those kids can be trained killers they could have killed a couple of soldiers they can push a freaking fridge off the bridge on top of the snatch vehicle they can they they can do they can it's hard to explain to people that've never been to a combat zone how children can be suddenly your your nemesis they can be let's not forget because they they're under the control of adults and and also absolutely and they don't have any conscious part of their brain they don't see any fear that they see again let's not forget they form the vast majority of casualties as well the massively the innocent people are the most the most to die right but you've got to survive and my my name is a call for is to bring my team back alive that's it so so if a woman a child a man anyone that's going to get the could possibly be in my team not coming back then they're going they are going to lose their life they're going to harm us in any way they're going to lose their life again it's that protection of yourself and the team so so that was it and then there was an instant two days later we went in early morning village and the same site major would shot that person up for Craig Burney came around a corner he was stood there and we'd gone into this village early in the morning done a raid I remember seeing this guy with AK-47 just coming around the back of the and he was about to gun down the colonel the colonel the OC major folks and Craig with Burney some major they were stood there talking and I wasn't made ready at this point so cocking my weapon was a great it was a great way to cock your weapon because when they hear that bullet slide in it makes that it's it's almost like right you fire that and you're dead end off this is no this is no conversation here and I challenged me and Brownlee challenge this guy and I remember some age when thanks for watching thanks for watching my back there because we we'd seen it seen this guy coming in so they were the only two sort of incidents that really happened then and then it sort of just calmed right down coming up to Christmas winter period for 2003 going into 2004 calmed right down and I remember doing my pre-Brecken training so I was doing like lessons or weapon-handling lessons and just skill at arm stuff really and a bit of tactics and doing a bit of fitness being ICFT the two miles up with in your webbing rifle helmet as fast as you can do it we've got like 15 minutes to do it so we were running that around camp and the same with the guys that were going for the sergeant at Brecken so all of that was was happening so I was going to get my Christmas leave went back for Christmas as soon as I get back for Christmas leave on the TV Alamara seeing my my platoon fighting holding up like riots and I was like what what am I doing here so it started so Christmas January time I'm on I'm in Wales watching it on the TV watching my mates getting some in Iraq and I'm thinking right what's the strategic way out of here now right I've got three more weeks of this phase where I've got basically I needed my skill at arms because I want to train recruits that was my aim this would come on so I've got three more weeks here and then I've got to do another six weeks back they call it the battle phase of Brecken I thought well I can go out to Iraq now I can finish my my skill at arms right and then I go on to what they call the tactics phase so you're doing basic conventional warfare but why do I want to be doing tactics in Wales when I could be out in Iraq doing it for real so what I did was I did my I finished my skill at arms phase right and then I pulled a back injury if I thought I remember doing the the build up training for tactics so I pulled a back injury I said oh my back's gone went into the med center because I'd had back injuries before they call it the Brecken sniper so I used to get it I used it to get off when I was on selection I was like this is too hard for me on getting off it so I did the Brecken sniper come off SCS selection 2003 and then 2004 I was back in Brecken again to do the bloody sorry Martin it sounds like we're skipping a bit here you no because I'm going to do I'm putting I'm putting everything is how did I get back out to Iraq because I was sent back to England to do so I was I wasn't even when I got done for what I was done for in Iraq I wasn't even supposed to be out there so what I did was I was like I faked a back injury on Brecken right done my tactics I've got that in the book what I'm trying to get to is did you say you're on SCS selection I was on SCS selection 2003 that was before I was was it 2003 or 2002 it might have been 2000 and it was 2003 I think I kept them but I was on SCS section I managed to get on the two week that you do at Hereford and I got on to the full selection that's it because when all the firefighting stuff so that SCS selection was about when all the firefighting nonsense was going on so everyone was at war and SCS selection was still going on in Brecken so I did it yeah 2003 I did my my my SCS section so it was a full on yeah I was here there everywhere you know so but I can't I can't listen I don't make any problems by it I found SCS selection too hard I couldn't it wasn't for me right and then when I did the SSBC nonsense what they call it juniors I did the tactics got that tick in the book and I'd already been promoted to corporal thought well why do I need to do tactics for when I can go back out to Iraq now and do some real fighting so I rung up I rung up Germany and I spoke to the movements clerk you have a movements clerk in your battalion which allows you to if you're going to go back to England you have to go in with a movements clerk and he booked you the flight and you're going on a course and so I run that movements clerk and I just said oh look I've been I've been discharged from Brecken Major Forks has requested me to be back in so I used my boss they has requested me to be back out in Iraq so she said don't worry we've booked you on the next flight from Hanover to Basra in two weeks time I went that's awesome so I drive back to Germany have a week off my mate is on rear party so he he he drives me to I've got no weapon just got my kit to get back to Iraq and when I was in Iraq I bought one of those Garmin GPS's so when I was in Iraq in 2003 what I did was like every time I was hit a waypoint I don't remember using the old GPS's cracking little bits of kit I used to cut a waypoint so if you were driving up of like we was at the notorious Route 6 when I was coming from Alamara to Basra just to explain geographically so in in Iraq imagine you've got Basra which is the start point of Iraq and then you've got Alamara which is along the notorious Route 6 then you've got Baghdad which is further on the deeper you go into Iraq is obviously the capital of Iraq so you imagine Basra and I think they're about 300 miles apart and then halfway between that you've got Kampu but Alamara which is where we were based so we were between Basra and Baghdad that's that was that was the area that we were sort of my regiment were deployed to so I fly back to Iraq and this time what I noticed was that we got a military flight back so we go to some unknown airport I don't know what this airport was but it was some big American airport and then you get on this military plane and then this military hurt comes in on a real steep descent I've never experienced it before it was on a really steep descent they said right we're coming into and I remember the door going down and then blowing chaff out and I remember it feeling very different from when I left in 2003 so this felt more there was definitely a different tension I thought let's have this this is going to be awesome get into um and then last I remember seeing now on McAndrew she was on a BFBS tour whatever you know when they get like a famous person up there no one she had to use a port loo it was disgusting sort of shitty port loo magazine I went I went apologies for the that was in Basra airport and then I spoke to someone down and I said look how can I get to Abu Nadjee how can they get to Alamaro and our camp was called Abu Nadjee how can I get there they went there's some RLC guys that are driving up that row uh driving up Route 6 you might going to tag along with them so one of these RLC guys and I said hi guys can I get a lift for you up to Abu Nadjee went yeah sure so I spoke to the driver very similar to the you know I said where's your weapon mate he went oh in the back so I'm like what so I said do you mind if I take this like so I took his weapon and it was caked it absolutely caked in shit caked in dust typical RLC guy no offense to another but this was this was not a good this was not a good look so I take his weapon apart strip it down clean it get it all oiled up nice looking I get his took his took his magazine apart and what I always used to do I always put 20 rounds in because uh the special forces go talking I said I always have your 20 rounds in your first magazine because for spring do you think you've got 30 rounds we used to carry what 30 rounds in in magazine for a whole tournament I'm not fire weapon once because if you didn't have a contact you know and you always used to take your bullets out to let your spring get the spring this back didn't you and then oil the spring so I completely took the magazine apart got my first 20 rounds in there ready to go caught my weapons or a bullet in the chamber GPS on GPS on I thought right if we get contacted if this RLC guy don't give a shit about put this is my weapon now and I'm gonna and then I want to do is I'll do my little bravo to zero to get back to Abernagy we're all my mates up right so this is my little fantasy bit in my head hopefully we'll get a contact on the way up there so we drive up there turn up to Abernagy and everyone's just like mate you've missed a part I don't know if you've ever seen Tackleberry from police academy during the and he always used to miss the riot and he's just like oh I can't believe I missed it again and they went you've just missed the battle of khalatsili and I was like what was khalatsili because it gives you not and they go well um if you look it up there's a there's a book called Condor Blues um the battle khalatsili or khalatsili and I've been there before but only on patrols and he said what happened was they drove in uh Free Land Rover's drove in which was my son major uh the colourful sat major which is mentioned in the book it's called the colourful sat major it was my sergeant from I won't mention his name because he wouldn't appreciate it so they drive into khalatsili so soon so I turn up and John goes you've missed it mate so John sits me down he's the sat major he goes you've missed it mate he goes he starts explaining to me what happened he goes we can't even go out me in the bus because we've got like 50 fat bars on our head and he said we drove into khalatsili he said uh me and uh another guy called Dave he said we get out with the boss and we started interviewing the police and we said why we want to inspect the police their job was to to keep an eye on the police and what the police were doing we wouldn't look in that room and the police officer said no you're not going in that room so John said I'm going in that fucking room so they keep the door in and they find like literally a cache of like like I don't know a thousand rpg's all of this stuff like weapons there are ak47s and he's like what's all this shit they pull the weapon on our roc so John double taps this guy kills him don't quote me on all of this because some of this I'm I'm vaguely remembering and then Dave shoots another copper because he falls a weapon on him and then two coffers start firing him from the police station so he ran into the police station and started shooting at the roof they started dropping grenades out the way they were telling the story it just sounded like from the film I was like wow oh my god I just couldn't take it anymore I was just like this is amazing and then two rpg's came in and blew up the landrovers like so the landrovers that the the the military guys have come in on have been blown up these guys are hiding down the wall there's a famous picture on the book condor blues you see the the book condor blues there's a picture where they're all hiding and you'll see major folks because he's got a little hat a little tiny um desert out on and everyone else has got their helmets on they're lying down so then they all went into the police station and Harry got shot in the ass um Trent Martin picked up Harry and ran with him and he's like I hope you're not dead Harry's like oh so they rescued each other there was then they was all in the building and the whole of the town of Coatsley so it's kicking off and starts firing at them then another call sign came in they had they had our they had our female pay clerk trapped him because she used to do a bit of interpreting I can't remember what her name was ginger girl really nice girl she was trapped in the building with a bless her she had a gun so John who was the the smart major right he started deep the other lads told me John was just absolutely hilarious they said he was he was he was doing karate kicks like as the bullets were coming in he was doing karate kicks got hot hot right lads this is what we joined up for take your positions at the window he said he goes targets will fall in it and he just started detailing out you know giving them their arcs and then he started chucking out ak-47s rpgs and started going right let's use these weapons against them so they started using the the the stuff that was in that was in that play station major focus is on the blow asking for support and then they're getting phone calls from from the from the from the people of Coatsley saying if you do not hand yourself over you'll be killed like the military police because the military police were killed in 2003 or was that is it masayaka i think it was no it was called now but another village up the road the military police were killed because they went into the building yeah was it now now something or am i do you want to just do you want to just explain so people six military police six military police were executed they they they went into investigate some paris that have been in contact they went in this is what i was told up that when i was they went in they left their vehicles outside which had their rifles on in the rifle racks they didn't have the rifles on they only had their 9mm pistol on a couple of 9mm pistols the interpreter said look they're going to kill you the interpreter because the interpreter told us this stuff out there the interpreter jumped out the back window of of the police station and made his way to route six and the and the military police then handed themselves in where they then were were tortured for two hours there's there's a lot i think there's a the film with tim roff in it where he played the father because one of the fathers was that reg keys reg keys because he did a big remember he took on tony blair and there's huge amount he he found out that his son was tortured through through opening the coffin so there's a lot of stuff on that but those those guys were unfortunately we learn from their their mistakes so you can't hand yourself into these people they will butch you they will chop you they will chop your primates off they'll skin you alive they'll set fire to you they'll do things to you that you can't imagine hello still there yes mate it was major al kabeer is it is that does that ring a bell yeah i'm a jub al kabeer i'm a jub al kabeer yeah i'm a jub al kabeer sorry mate i've lost my thing of no one set keep talking so you have i'm a jub al kabeer then you've got um so then you've got klaxley which is the next big incident where military cross was run it was one by a guy from the pwrr and that's not to take anything away from him but he was a sergeant who was in the area he was at camp condor and they were doing like a pre-handover because we were getting ready we were weeks away from handing over to the pwrr which was um so this this sergeant came in to back up um our officers officers um roc major forks his his call sign so they had some extra tubes to boost them up and he came in and he got his he got i think it's a part part of his hand shut off and he carried on firing from the windows so he got he won the military cross for that um i wasn't there so i'm only going off the stories what the guys told me but but what they were telling me they were saying it's a phenomenal and one of the funny incidents was was the ross strip who's from st. just he said to me he was martin he's honestly john when it was so funny because he was making so many jokes and having so much fun he said we didn't feel in danger so we were just enjoying it he said even though it was really scary we just enjoyed it and i knew john was like that from working with normal island he just he just had this sense of humor and this sense of feeling when you're working with these commanders that because then having such fun you don't feel in any way for you think well if they're feeling like that then we should it just spreads this this feeling of joy when you're in the combat and the guys were like honestly just cracking jokes next thing you know there's a phone call and it's the the iraqis and they get the interpreter and the interpreter says you know if you don't hand yourself over you'll be killed like the men uh and would you well could be here so john weight goes like we've got our demands they should so i want you to interpret this to to the iraqis and they said demands you said yeah we want demands right so john said i went i went 12 pepperoni pizzas and it's a garlic bread which is ordering and he goes make sure you interpret it so he said oh we want six 12 pepperoni pizzas and it's a garlic bread and um yeah they it it it went on all night and those that were involved in it that should be made into a film if i that's another little film like i wasn't there but flipping out it was so i thought well if they've had this big battle here there might be some battles left you know coming up and boy was it was it going to happen can't they always it was almost like the iraqis gave you a couple of weeks in between each contact it probably didn't happen later for the p they were hurrah because they had a right shit sandwich when they got there so things things had calmed down to the point where we were having a curry night that was it because it was coming to the end of the tour we'd actually handed in our modux the modux to explain all your night vision goggles you know pngs and anything Gucci any Gucci kit that was sort of like we you know to enhance all our riot shields giving in the riot kit plastic viales viales around the head round that used to go around the front of your helmets um so we're giving it all that kit giving our trace around backs we're giving the trace around backs we don't take trace there um just to be aware when i was out in iraq i bought an extra 150 no i bought an extra 300 bullets off of a scottish soldier so i was carrying illegal ammunition basically when i was out there loads of people was buying as many rounds because you only issued 150 bullets which is insane who's been paintballing you and you've bought a thousand thousand paintballs to go paintballing but you're going up to a rack and you've got 150 bullets unbelievable isn't it that's peacetime operation so we're going out with 150 bullets no grenades so i've got extra 300 rounds extra magazines that i've all bought i nicked a sidearm from from a taxi so i had an extra i had a nine wheel pistol um that i nicked i don't care i'm quite happy to say it the end of the day turning blade you send me up to war with none of the equipment i'm going to mix spill i'm going to take whatever i need to go and survive that tour but really pisses me off when i think they sent us out there with the wrong kit they're not they're not really sending you to war though mate are they i i know i know it's combat they're sending you there a subterfuge while they put their puppets in place yeah yeah so so we so we're we're assembling we're doing whatever we can to survive the six months of hell that they've they've they've sent us out to deal with so everything everything calms down to the point where we've got a curry night and we're allowed a can each right so we go to the younger lads right you give us your cans we've got three cans and you know when you haven't drunk for like god knows how long you know for a couple of months you only got a drink two cans and you're feeling drunk so we're all sat there having a can and harry's telling us about he got shot in the asset Calazale and all this lot and he's telling us just like sitting there going tell me more tell me what i'm just absorbing their war stories and then actually you know rush and rockets coming into the into the camp hitting our hitting our um football pitch um and then it was like right major folks gets we'll get kitted up we'll add like about a beer each right we've all um got all our right kit on we all assemble and um we drive straight into avanage not and then to avanage you've got if i can explain so geographically you've got asra you've got alamara you've got bagdad we're in alamara that's that's sort of um our our tactical area of interest that we are sort of um operating in uh in alamara you've got the football stadium you've got uh these are the key points of interest you've got the football stadium where we've got people from a company there so you've got a rifle company you've got a platoon from rifle company there with warriors the big armed um APCs because they are classed as APCs aren't they not classed as tanks we've got them we've got mortars mounted on the back of 432s and what we've done we've assembled them on the football pitch which is what just been attacked interestingly enough our pot washers who were local people what we found out later on were gpsing so they they were giving information to they were gpsing on to get that mortifier as close to the to the troops tents because of the the football pitch was right next to the troops tents so our panbashes the people that were employed to wash all our dishes were um were acting as uh mortified controllers for russian rockets that were coming in so we've got um sim accounts sim accounts is right in the dead center about where the tigress and euphrates river meets and you can look up a joke is literally where the tigress and euphrates meet if you watch my film diary this great story i get goosebumps i was talking about it was harry who's in my film who's my old school teacher who's passed away now but he said that the where the tigress and euphrates meets is the cradle of civilization which which really sends goosebumps down when i think about what went on there so you've got sim accounts and you've got the pink palace the um the pink palace which was a pink palace and it was one of saddam's palaces and um one of our jobs was to keep some sim accounts and the pink palace and the stadium as um brit you know british um under our british rule if you like whatever we would because our main mission was to to bring uh infrastructure to bring jobs to bring currency us dollars and to yeah to get all that upper and all we really basically bought them was yellow wind up radios it didn't work very well so they could listen to bfbs and listen to our oh good so it's all shit's kicking off we've got a company which is about what 100 blokes 100 blokes based that um sim accounts now they're younger guys right more as we've got the more senior guys the more senior and we were hit we're really top heavy with full screws corpus lance corpus sergeants color sergeants were top even our platoon we didn't have an officer we had a color sergeant because we got that many uh mortars works slightly different than the normal platoons so we leave a platoon to manage to to to run a mortar line on the football pitch and we we've got a platoon to give support into it and i wanted to get some action so i wanted to get into sim accounts because that's where i am all the action i actually been to sim accounts for the whole tour so we drive in convoy we get into the town and this is the first night of destruction there's a there's some sporadic gunfly everywhere but nothing too but we get told that tomorrow on our in brief tomorrow uh there will be there'll be over like 3000 protesters we turn up the next day um get there early and get the right kit on and we literally get what we do we don't put the right kit on first because our our orders were by major forks was not to pre-empt them they are too i've got all this on video he gave us what he says right if they want to fight we'll fight them but if they want to walk away and leave it and we'll just let them fight each other you know we'll just we'll just go out there real relaxed so we went out there with soft posture which was the floppy hats um right kit was all like hidden behind the wall no sticks and we just sat along the wall side then they started throwing the stones the grenades started coming in so we set up the baseline and that's what you see on the diarrhea display so do you see some of the shield to see the the grenades coming in and all we did was push a baseline right up to the edge of pink palace right our boundary of what what we were meant to protect and defend shot a few people with plastic bullets but what they failed to do was give us the the old cleaning rods for the for the for the old which were the same standard northern island batten guns but when you haven't got the brushes to clean them out you know after six or seven rounds they get they get coped with carbon and they don't fire so they did she just come out like that out the barrel so in the end it was just a deterrent for making a noise because they were useless ruin another the barrel brushes plastic shields grenades coming in grenades don't do anything the plastic shows that do anything to protect you from a grenade especially the russian grenades and um then that that whole day of writing i mean you've done right training you knew when you're standing up there it's it's exhausting isn't it it's your heart's going to be adrenaline you're using it constantly up your adrenaline um and when you've got no one to relieve you because everyone's out that becomes quite quite hard so then that night we get detailed to go onto the palace roof and that's my first sight of an rpg and i just missed it on my video camera i'd love to call this so just to um explain to to everyone before we're not to a wrap this you could buy these little sony digital recorders tiny little things that you could literally tape to your and just press record so i could record what was going on around me you know these tiny little cameras and people said well why would you why would you film what well why not you know i bought i bought this tiny little camera you know it's not it's not affecting me operationally so why not and my OC saw that i had it on saw that a few people had them on and didn't really think to say right don't turn out because there was a few videos done of norman island when people were taking bigger cameras out to norman island and filming some of the stuff so no one had really foreseen that there'd be a problem that but but this was the first time i think that so many different phases of war were going on there was no way of policing what we were doing so i'm filming what's going on in war so that night rpg goes straight down the road i miss it by second i was like damn it's rpg flies by so i wanted to catch it hitting it hitting simic house right so i missed that so then i'm recorded a few gunfights going off around the um around the top of the palace um and then it got so bad i just put the camera away because it was just the amount of gunfire that was coming in we was fighting on all corners and that's when like the most heaviest sort of gunfight i've ever sort of come across with uh up to my soldiering career um i'm at one point being pinned down in the corner of a wall on the palace roof and the gunfire was coming down if you watch um pw if you watch pwrr in iraq on youtube you can see them fighting or simic house uh pwrr tour there's some great footage that they shot in the daytime on on that roof of them getting some mini rounds down in there so i'm in the corner bullet fires are coming the bullet fires coming down and a member literally being tucked into this wall and the bullets were coming past and hitting them and ricocheting off and i just walked to myself then if someone said over the top it started dawning me on what they must have faced during the first world war there's no way when i look back there's no way if someone said over the top would i the only way i fired was literally by bringing my hand over the wall using it to rest like that and firing firing back that's the only way that was the only way i could get any sort of returned gunfire back and i was shooting i don't know where i was shooting to honest and i found that in the morning i'll explain that later in the story so we've got the gunfight going and i remember taking so many rounds in this corner and then all i heard was i need to back up in this corner and this guy called under gunfire comes right in and he goes up i'm here now so this guy gets in with me and i said nice and we both got up we started returning fire and i looked at him and said sorry i'm sorry i didn't realize you're sorry he's an army ta i was like and i think at that point i never ever would disrespect the territorial army ever again it was that i think the ta because they boosted up our troops and the stuff that they did i think they're the unsung heroes of iraq and this ta guy calls up and the gunfight gets into the corner and and manages to help me um to press fire but things quiet down again um and i remember posting uh uh so just to rewind back again there's a story before i fired my first um before the gunfight started there's a little story i wanted to tell was just i remember i remember my side and said right gun post your men down there so i got this row to look down and i said right i said matt come here i said right that's your left right that's your right right anything coming down there anything coming down on a weapon pointing at us putting us in danger take it out with a gpmg and he hadn't named and i said have you made ready your gpmg and he went yeah oh good so i got down behind the wall and i started to take off my jumper because i wanted so i wanted to put a fleece on because it started getting it started getting cold and all i remember was putting my fleece and i just got it up here to my zit and all i remember was ak-475 coming over my head and picked up my weapon got into it and i fired 20 rounds off in where the muzzle flash was coming from in the general direction that and then i heard cuckoom next to me and this isn't to run mack down or anything but i remember the importance of we're not in northern ireland you've got to have that that that whole of him not being ready and the first thing i did to him i said i said you did well then i didn't shout at him i didn't scream at him i didn't because you know as a commander i remember having that done to myself you made a f***ing mistake the last thing you want to do is put him spending the whole night worried about what he'd done or didn't do you know he thought he'd made ready and i'm the reason i'm saying this story is like if you're a commander if you go out to a war and you know hopefully you won't go out to war but if you do is if your guys make a mistake on the front as a commander don't shout and scream at them because they've got to keep you alive for the rest of the night and what this guy went on to do that whole night because i didn't shout and scream it he performed really well he took up some amazing targets with his gpmg and that's what what struck me was the fact of the bravery that happened that night i remember being in the corner and the gun f***ing me down and no one's sticking the head above the parapet you know talking about sticking it and all i heard was section 200 meters on top of a roof line washing he said enemy watch my tracer and he just literally we we all we we then heard the the gpmg firing off and lammy was going left a bit right a bit these two so benny bogue and lammy were two private soldiers but they were on the highest point of the pink palace and the command the fire and control orders no one was no one was saying s*** no sergeants were saying no colour sergeants were saying anything and it's just this superb fire control order i can't remember like i can't do any justice but lammy and benny and i wrote about in my book that the fact the two private soldiers just took it among themselves and that's what i've come across some of your channel watching the someone might be good in the barracks and the sergeants might be great but what i realized was a lot of sergeants had kids wife and children and stuff a lot of the younger guys because they don't have that now now my father myself if i was out there i wouldn't have that you know like the younger the younger generation because they because they didn't have wife and children i thought that's wrong actually because benny had kids yeah so yeah that was really brave of them to do that but you it's you you don't know who's going to come out of their shower of being um a hero if you like in a you know until the bullets are down you know and i don't count myself tall is it they're way longer to sit where the bullet part of it you really see what people are made of when the bullets or like what tyson says you know you don't you know all all plans got the window when you get hit in the face you know no plans of eyes first contact yes and then and then uh so the gunfire's gone all right and then i got to a point where the wars um along in the battle things quite down a bit and then then me and brownie were we were covering our arcs and i just see this guy coming down the road he's got the ak47 he's pointing out on me and he's about to fire he's pointing at me and i hesitated it's weird because you like you think god this is what i've waited for and i hesitated and i heard what are you waiting for this was the site and then he let rip sergeant that ripped i let rip and we're shooting at this target you know and he's firing back at us and he he thought he falls back he falls back and um the the smoke sort of clears and we all started screaming shouting and then like the sergeant went you know get a grip be professional you know which which was the right thing to do because we it was almost like there's this exhilaration oh my god i've done it finally shot someone killed someone but there was also a part of my soul i felt inside my soul that died does that make sense chris i i felt like right i've done it now shot someone how do i feel i don't feel don't feel good about this this is not a good feeling it's like is it do you know that you've killed him when you've shot him or is it yeah yeah you've seen you fall down you've got to be the amount of rounds that came down at him you know hmm and then his friend tried to come in and rescue him like and then we put rounds down to scare him away didn't shoot him just sort of like suppressive rounds to sort of like keep because you don't know if he's going to fire back at us or whatever and we then sent out a patrol to pull his body back and then they pulled his body back and he's he's in he's in the courtyard he's literally i'm looking down the wall like so i'm looking over the palace roof looking down at this person we've shot brownie's looking down next to me we're looking down and there's no one's saying anything and you can hear him trying to breathe like trying to get his last breath and i remember that that breathing like sucking chest wound that he had um i've all you know and it wasn't it i can't i can't explain it it just i just didn't i don't think anyone sat there and felt i felt great about it you know how many mate how many people suffered because of that we talked like a bit trauma you know this sort of thing but i'll get i'll get i'll get on to that at the end of the talk you know i'll talk about you know what everyone's sort of the the the amount of people that died or suicide but so the next day we're then you know i remember there's sunlight coming up and i remember saying a prayer to god so please let all my just let everyone get back alive everyone from this rooftop just let us get back alive and my friend who'd been in lots of firefights lian moves from cornwall you know i knew he was down at simit cows so they would they were down there and in the morning the sun came up i never just i just felt so grateful to be alive i can't describe it i was like and then we got brought off the we got relief off the roof and the roof just spank of piss and congealed blood and you could smell the dead bodies that were down in the courtyard that people have brought back from the various firefights around the simit cows and then we got taken back to simit cows for some for some food and we're getting that i've never tasted the best sausage i've ever tasted the best egg the best you know plum tomato and just eating it and just being so grateful for every spoon in the mouth and my mate going fucking told you i'm not fucking told you it's fucking scary and i'm like yeah this is my shit myself absolutely i don't want any more now i just want to go home that's it i'm loving more can i go over now but it but you're not here and then right guys get your right key on your back out again you're tired you're exhausted that night you know so we did a whole day of riots again i'm absolutely exhausted no sleep and then when you go into that third day you know you know like you start to get delirious don't you and then that night they needed someone to go to the patrol and i thought i'm going to go out and patrol so i went out on a patrol to help this team out came back and the next day i think i probably saw a three or four nights now i know she killed someone i'm just delirious like and they needed someone to go on the baseline again they were down to go so i was doing private soldiers role even though i was a full cook for i was like yeah i'll be like pick up a six-foot shield go out and then this guy comes down he's been doing it for days coming down with him what i suppose in the way he was like he was like a simple turn he didn't really and he had two grenades in his hand they kept coming up to the baseline and major forks when i want him taken out i don't want i'm taken out killed but i wanted him i wanted him arrested right so he would always come just close enough but never too close and he's got these grenades in his hand i said do you want a cigarette mate so i'm trying to lure him in with a cigarette and like boss says i want you to apprehend him so i didn't know if these grenades had pins in it or not so give him a cigarette you grab some cigarette and do you want a light so go to light your cigarette and i just grab him and i just pull him in and i'm headbutting him and i'm beating the shit out of him and i've got him on the floor i'm just like i fucking had enough of this shit i had enough of you cunts i've had enough of this fucking bullshit and i'm punching him in the face right and then all i heard was where be like that and look the grenades have already fallen out of his hand like ow's gone pins are in pins are in right so i'm i'm fucking lost it i'm like calm down so this is my boss and i'm saying webby can't this major forks he made the right decision i had lost it he said right cool website i went to go up on the roof just calm down on the roof so what you're hearing on that videotape from me then dropping that guy down i'm fucking i just want to kill some i just want to kill some more people i'm like i've had it with this shit i've had it with the riots i want to go home now go back on the rooftop and that the boss goes right we're going to do a different tactics now we're going to say we're going to just fire a volley of batons in and we're just going to run at these fuckers and we're going to capture them and we're going to we're going to apprehend them the same kids anyway that about an hour later a grenade comes over and blows my mate's toes off my mate sat there resting around the wall grenade comes out blows his toes off that was the that was it then i think that sent everyone over the over the edge right no more grenades coming in now i've had enough of this shit and that was when you seen basically a group of i won't name them who they are but they go running into the group and it's brave what they did they're running into a crowd of a thousand people right with just the baton sticks on that's what they got their rifles are behind their backs right and they grab a couple of them and bring them back around the wall and they give them a they give them a kick in the only the only two illegal blows they do is they're kicking the nuts and the headbutt that you'll see on the videotape and i'm screaming and shouting on the roof because i've had enough i've had enough of this shit absolutely fell out of it days and days and days and days then chucking grenades over kicking off and the only thing they understand is that there's kids on the other street right playing football these are throwing grenades right they're not innocent right if you want to chuck grenades at people you're going to chuck grenades at police you're going to get a bat right that's what happens so they get a kick in yeah it doesn't look good on camera people go their children you know yeah but their children were grenades right and those grenades can kill you and we'd have enough of it i turned around after i'd filmed that beat and i dropped my camera and the camera broke and it wouldn't play back and it's almost like a twist of fate and you think god if that videotape had never played but i wouldn't got caught but would i still be alive and that's what i always look back at so when we came back from Iraq that videotape how it got into hands i'm not going to go too much of that because it's in it's in my film it's in my book you can read about it but i was suffering with PTSD i know i know i was suffering with post-traumatic stress disorder i was it was just a catalyst a catalyst of violence going throughout and when i got back from Iraq Major Falkton knew i had this footage on a videotape so i put it onto a disc we cut out we cut out that obviously that meeting seems we knew the public wouldn't find that at all appealing but because we seen our guys doing it we didn't see anything wrong with it because that's what we were trained to do so we just looked at that well that's just standard procedure so all the video footage that all the war stuff right this BBC journalist come over and Major Falkts sort makes me do an interview with this guy um i won't say his name but he's a you know very congugling um he interviewed me and he saw all of the days of footage of all of that shit going on obviously he didn't see that beating video clip so that was in 2004 did that interview then i went off got married of kids i was a i was training at ATL Winchester when i was making the DVD somebody helped me put this stuff from digital dv tape to convert it into so you got dv tape converted it onto a computer so you could store it on a hard drive whatever that footage right and if you know the old dv tapes it's quite a procedure to to get that now even now you've got to send you've got old dv tapes you can send it away to be put into digital format and i didn't know how to do it and this one guy did two people in our battalion you know how to do it one came back to me said i couldn't do it and then i think he was any person i let the videotapes sort of out my hands for and then he got kicked out for drugs and he also didn't like some members of 1li because of his situation and he sold it to the news of the world for eight grand that's what i got told anyway so that um that video got sold to news of the world and i was at ATL Winchester so two years down the line 2006 arrived and then basically i was ATL Winchester at the pinnacle my career just about getting a sergeant and then it comes out a beating video gets released and my career is over you know i get um i get arrested by the SIV and they were so can't describe it i'm the only way to describe it it's like the the way i looked at it was like being being caught behind enemy lines because all they wanted to do was was arrest the people that i'd served with and to send them down destroy their careers and when i'd asked this SIV sergeant i said have you served in Iraq he's like no still i did a bit of Bosnia and that was it he said but he hadn't served in Iraq and he he was so wanting to send me down and all these all of us down so i just told him the way i looked at it i remember reading bravi two zero and Andy Mcdab said him bravi two zero every time i just gave my name rank and number it was just my war now was with the SIV the special investigation my war now was with the military police because they were going to try and take my guys out and that ain't gonna happen these guys kept me alive in in Iraq so i i i then went on my mission then to give them names of people that didn't even go to Iraq that had been out in years i knew would give them a wild goose chase would give me time then to then relate to the people i served with that we so so they were the enemy that was it SIV enemy military police enemy i remember the night i got arrested they put me in a police cell in older shop in one of the guard rooms and um i was being they'd go i went to was it guard commander told me use every hour they woke me up he said right i have to sleep on the bed with the lights on and they they they left the lights on in the cell and every hour they would just just check the cell didn't they do in the suicide but they would do it really loud to try and wake me up so i had no sleep all night and then uh they made me stand to attention on the yellow line and i looked on the i looked on the guard room tv and it had just like the the beating video was being played in the guard room tv and all of these texas were coming up these these are just these are disgrace soldiers these people should have their pensions take off they should their careers destroyed send into prison all of this that it was just like oh my god um what is going on and then that bbc journalist who knew the three days of the he had all he had all the footage the bbc did nothing to back us up they just showed that beating clip it didn't show in context what had gone on i was like no one's gonna no one's gonna no one's gonna back you up it that bbc journalist not gonna back you up so i i was like sat down with the um sat down with the guard commander the new guard commander came in he was really sound with me said right he said court weapons escape for scoff fights we're having scoff having scran you'd call it in in the galley with a couple of words so i was sitting there and he just goes look mate i'm going to give you some advice he said don't tell those fuckers anything because they're going to do everything to to send you they're going to want scapegoats because he was the he's the only person because when we get back you can ring anyone right you can ring your mum your dad you know you want you can ring you said he was sound with me he said but don't give these monkey bastards anything i went i went back and i just i just made that decision that i was now at war with the siv the special base i don't know what the call special gations berks whatever they're called i just um i was just i felt so let down by the fight by the british army for not protecting me and then all day our name hadn't been released and they needed something because the media were asking right who is it who's done the who's filming so i'm getting a shit they're also going to think well i'm only laughing on the camera right i'm actually doing the beat but i'm taking the rap for it because i'm the one who's vocalizing it on the on the camera so all day i managed to to not give these police anything and then the police from siv going is right because you've not given us anything and you've given us false names and you've given us you've given us to run around he said we're going to release your without because we're going to release your details to the six o'clock news um he goes to he goes you're going to you're going to if i was you i'd tell your wife to pack the house up and get out because you're going to the world's media on your doorstep and i was like what i said but you haven't charged me he said well you should have helped us out then shouldn't you so i had to ring um so basically i had to get my family down to call more to evade capture from the media get back to that kit so we have half an hour to pack up our our house at winchester um there there was um like a an army police fans and all that lot to protect the street so i could go down and get all my stuff and then i went down to call all the hits the sister-in-law's house for a couple of days and then like i said i have a day to go down there and then at our winchester said you've got to come back immediately so i came back i was suicidal this time i was i didn't i was just thinking i thought if i kill myself then that's going to protect my family that's the way i was there if i kill myself then that mark try not to move around there's a lot of background noise dude it will ruin the audio no it's all right you get you're getting into your story i can see that so you know i'm i just couldn't believe i let down i felt you know and i go back to the i go back to um atl winchester and i was in the top 10 court pools at atl winchester for training recruits i really loved that job and i just trained my first group of raw engineers and they said look even though you're in the top 10 recruits we're going to give you a choice and you've done really well at atl win we'll give you a choice the way do you want to go the closest we can get you to cornwall will be ballford with the green jackets i said i want to sign off immediately i want to get out and they were like well you can do that when you get down to the real green jackets and they were deploying to iraq and i was like oh god so this is like a nightmare i was like what am i going to do so i i remember um we're sitting in the office and our seven comes out and he goes apparently you've been to iraq and he chucked me my iraq's metal so i'm sat there like like i looked at him i just felt sick i just felt you know i just felt some sat there with this metal and um the regiment was just about to amalgamate into the rifles as well so anyway i go to ballford and i get to ballford and they're like right you're going to deploy to canada first and then you're going to deploy to i said i'm not i ain't going anywhere they went you are and i went i'm not i said i'll be off the canador or that by this afternoon went straight down to see the the psych and she and i said wrong kill myself and i said right captain i went back fucking stick you fucking canada up your ass your prick i was like that with them now i didn't give a shit i was like and then they went right well put him as a dmi because i was the driver maintenance instructor for bulldogs so i've done all that course so i could train people up they took the old 432 put a new bulldog in so i was training in apc's and the army had just gone to shit they were just pumping they were they were spending millions in billford literally ran the corner from our camp they were build they've spent millions on building a new court marshal centre to trial all of the war criminals that were coming back from iraq not tony blair all of us lot all of us like scapegoats that were getting picked apart and all of this was smoke screens for the shit that those bastards have done the dodgy dealings they've done beyond you know all the the iraqis that they let down not providing infrastructure not grabbing an illegal not not having a legally backed war by the un no no rules of engagement i mean how could they really try me really what are they going to try me for no rules of engagement no correct equipment illegal war how can how can how can it possibly be a kangaroo court hmm so i'm at bullford i'm pretty pissed at the army i'm like that the army's the enemy now and i'm doing everything i kind of get out and i don't want anything to do with it so but i still have my i still i still have my principle so i had to train up these guys before they go to iraq so i'm training up 432 drivers and commanders before they go sorry bulldogs now they're called bulldogs so i went up to cataric to train up another regiment um the uh to to rgj so the second battalion all green jackets are going up to iraq so i'm at one rgj no i'm at two rgj and i'm going up to train one rgj in cataric right so i got there and we're getting these new bulldogs and these bulldogs are basically taking a new engine and plonking it into um and i'll and into an old vehicle i've been i've been tasked i'm based at bullford i'm working with uh two rgj i've been tasked to go up to cataric uh because they've got bulldogs up there and they're going to train up one rgj to take the bulldogs to deploy to iraq so both rgj so raw green jackets you've got uh first battalion raw green jackets second battalion and i'm obviously first battalion light in between we do our training with raw green jackets massive respect for both of those regiments in fact i'll you know i could never say they're better regiments but what they're the raw green jackets are less bullshitty than the light inventory like the light inventory were more i wouldn't say bullshitty regiments but they they like their kit press was a green jackets would would would not have their press kit they they're more into like their tactics and stuff like that they're um one of like was was renowned for being starch battalion starch using starch on the uh no no one's going to know what starch is these days are they go get a bank go get a bottle of starch i've read what have you even buy starch though mate what about wiring a plug everything comes with a plug on it now doesn't it i've got a little story about the plugs remind me that later to tell you the story of the plug you really need to have to get a test on your plug in the other so anyway these right so to take the old 432 vehicle and put a brand new engine there's there's got to be monitored by a computer right or anyone who's done an armored roll the 432 if you're a driver you can basically say you're driving along and you put you're pulling over or you're stopping in a in a big built-up city while the vehicle's idling you can literally check your oils you can check your gearbox oil you can check your engine oil you can do all that for the driver's compartment so the driver can be doing all that while being protected by the rest of the the team that are in the vehicle like really important if you're using armored vehicles so all of your you know the vehicle is maintained currently same as your rifle so i'm a driver maintenance instructor was wasn't a choice because i couldn't stand tanks i couldn't stand using them hate flipping things right and i didn't join the army to be a tanky um i know they're apc's but so i'm there training up one as a driver maintenance instructor one on a gj they turn up none of them ever want to do it as well infantry don't want to learn about tanks right they just want to get in and fucking do the job right so turn up mark wilch is there mate of mine and he's from one ally and he's been assigned to the devil and doorsets and the devil and doorset regiment were better in carrot they were gone they've gone they've deployed it to iraq to iraq and this is how bad it got right they've deployed to iraq they've got a block of accommodation and they said right court register that we're going to put all of one rgj drivers in that block there so i went in the block and all they've done was they they basically broke open the rooms so my room i walk into this room it's got an mfo but you remember when you go on on on a tour all your all your kit gets packed up in a box and put into a locker right so that's that's people's that's people's rooms right and all they can all they can um all i can see in this in this in this room it's like a sink and the sink had been smashed in half so it was like willy wonka's room you know the half the sink and i've got half the sink i'm in somebody else's room while they deploy to iraq i thought this is terrible the first thing the green jacket started doing was like so a lot of them were scousers was opening up the mfo boxes and pilfering through the guy's kit there oh god then we kick him in the 432 so the new bulldogs like the bulldogs don't work right they've got brand new engines in right we don't understand how it all properly works even i've gone on course to use these you need computers to check whether things are not working but the alpha air filtration system um if it gets clogged up there the old air filters you could you could open the louvres take them out give them a tap right and clear all the sand off of you which is your air filter obviously that helps to tank the air the the the engine cooled down if it gets clogged up with sand then the engine is not going to work correctly so we've got all these things that are going wrong the the new bulldog you have to open the steering hatch so the driver has to stop get out open up the steering hatch and check and the new the new oil thing whatever used to be the whole the oil before you know was on the top of the tank now it's on the side of the tank so it's literally pissing out some clown had designed this right put some it's got like a rubber bump in it so there's nothing wrong with the old engine the way it was all designed some clever twat come up with all these little new and it wasn't working so we're driving up the a1 in new castle pissing oil all over the road and I get back and I went these guys are going they're going to be dealing with all these mechanical problems and in dealing with being in a complex zone so I'm like going back to uh my colour sergeant Dave Brettle and his boss this OC this major from the guards whatever and I just said look boss these vehicles are all of them are via one we haven't got any packing equipment we can't take the that we can't we can't fix these vehicles I said I need I need a Rimi uh LAD you know someone who knows how to work out to fix these vehicles he said cool website don't give me problems give me solutions I want all these drivers qualified by the end of the week I said I can't they're all the vehicles I'm working what am I supposed to do he said don't give me problems give me solutions all right so I went into the guard room look on the board and on the board it had like who the head of command was and there at the top was now a brigadier was my old CEO from from the past um the SES guy so I'm like looking thinking right fuck it he's gonna he's gonna sort this out so I ring him up and I said can I speak to the brigadier please and they said who's this that just said it's Corporal Webster from when I like I knew he'd picked up so I get this and anyway he said Corporal Webster what are you doing here you don't ring you know and for any audience though a corporal doesn't ring a brigadier up do they it doesn't happen does it no you wouldn't ring a uh no it's like somebody on the production line bringing the chief executive it's just saying shit not going down all right right I said listen boss I said I said I'm training your commanders up and they're going out and bought because I didn't even know I had bulldogs on the caps we didn't even know right so he's going and he likes to know everything right I'm trying not to say his name because he wouldn't be happy but and he he's like right he said he asked if they're just telling me to qualify these people I'm out I'm out in I'm out in six weeks time right I knew you want me to qualify these people I said you need to come and he goes right I'll be down in 10 minutes he goes tell tell your OC right that I want to speak to him so I go back to the I said you know he said give me problem because I don't want problems give me solution so I'm all the brigade commanders coming down I said because you weren't listening I said so I said I'm out in six weeks I could do shit right you can boss me now to private I don't care I've had enough I said those vehicles are dangerous you're going out you've asked me so you better explain it to the Brigadier so anyway this car pulls up it's got it's got John King in it and um he's basically uh he's someone from Falmouth he's the he's the he's the Brigadier's driver and he scruffies how he gets out smokes lights a cigarette Brigadier walks up he's got jungles on his his berries on his Brigadier berry and he goes to the OC he goes right I'll speak to you two in a minute and uh and his captain they used to have just like gone into shock like they know they're gonna get it and I've got like all these vehicles on parade with v o r v o r v o r I pull out my little pen and I go right so this is a fault this is a fault here this is a fault this is this needs to be rectified I said I've been giving all these drivers I've got to qualify in the next um in the next hour um in the next hour in the next couple of days I said I can't do it I said I need LAD to do a plaque lift on these get these vehicles and he just turns around to the RSM of the LAD and he goes right you lot will work around the clock and you'll give quick lips to the vehicles he needs and also make sure um this is and this is all done and then he pulls me to one side he goes he goes so what happened in Iraq so I'm there like I went well so they screwed up didn't I he said oh I knew that was you I said I'll recognize your voice on the camera you stupid boy and uh it is do you want to come back out to Iraq with me so he offered me a job to come out and be part of his team and I said honestly so I said I would I would go to Iraq with you I said but I said honestly I don't want anything to do with the army anymore I said the way we mean me and John have been treated I said it's it's diabolical I said we've had our names put in the papers we've had all this that happened to us and then I said another thing I said John's not even done his 22 years and he's not even given his used to get a silver bugle for doing in 22 years I said the regiment have snubbed him and not given him his bugle there he is right and I go okay right and I said um I said you know are we all waiting to get I said John's waiting to get out I'm waiting to get out and I said we just we can't get out until this court march was over and he goes okay so that day I'd fit a couple of days later I'd qualified all these drivers and I drove because I was in North I was in North England I went to Black I went to um where my mate lives and I went and I went and seen him in the northeast this John character so I go there um I said oh I've just seen the Brigadier and he went funny old thing should say that he goes look what I've got at least he's there with the silver bugle he said I said what happened there he goes oh he made um he made he made a captain personally drive from Germany to hand deliver the bugle he had a lot of persuasion this guy you know really and I really do believe he paid a part in briefing up Whitehall in what what we've been through and getting things I wouldn't say brush along the carpet but what was the final silver bullet and I was told this as well was I'd managed to get a sneaky copy of what had happened to my friend who's in a band called the lay lines and he used to be in the army there's in a he's in a rock band called the the late rock band the folk rock band called the lay lines and he's so doing they're doing quite well and he knows a few people in the media I knew he would act like my spin book and getting this story out there so he run the news of the world pulled the news of the world in and he had a copy of my dvd with all the original footage on so he did what the baby sea should have done and backed us up and said look hang on there's all this footage you're not showing all the full story you're just showing a clip of what happened so he got and then he got Andy McNabbin and Andy McNabbin or whatever his real name is he was he's at the Royal Green Jacket apparently he he wrote a story in the sun and the story was hang on we've not seen the full picture here and I think we've jumped to conclusions these guys were under attack and he was the first person to come out and defend us so I will always have I'd like to personally thank Andy McNabbin for backing us up you know when when you when everyone in the country is like these are scumbags he's like this you know he was the first person to to back us up and the second person to back us up was Jeremy Clarkson Jeremy Clarkson came out and wrote a piece because he'd been out to Iraq and he had an art when he was on one of the when he was out in one of the helicopters he got fired up they fired an RPG at him some in surgeon fired an RPG at him and he said it was so frightening and he said because he'd experienced that in Iraq he said he just made his own assumptions people need to be having to know the full picture of what's going on out there before they make judgments on us so those were the two interviews when I was really struggling my dad had cut those newspaper pieces out and I remember keeping them you know because they were like just somebody fighting our corner because we didn't have a lot of people fighting our corner everyone was like you know judging us um and that was it got out the army I remember handing my ID card in and that was it you know finished and then within a year two years I'd started work on my own documentary I met I met up with that BBC journalist right because he contacted me and he said sorry to me he said I'm really sorry my boss wouldn't let me put the full picture he said it just wasn't in them it wasn't in the public interest you know and I just said to him and I was friends with him for a few years on Facebook and I recently deleted him because he because I put some shit about the BBC about them not reporting the full facts again and he came back with something towards me saying well they have and I said they wouldn't go there mate I said because you shit on us years ago and I just said I just I just let him on a private message and I said you you knew the facts and you didn't tell the facts to the public the BBC knew what the facts were but they decided like Jimmy Savile staff and all the rest of the shit they buried it mate we need to clarify this the BBC don't decide it's decided for them I'll totally get that you know and the BBC folks at home if you still think the BBC is this quaint you know archetypal British Auntie Beebe organisation that brings you wonderful nature doggie which it does but it's called the we call it the shit cracker in this family it's where you you have the wonderful nature documents that everyone dines out on and they're lovely soap operas or whatever and then the other side of it is the the spin the what what you've been what they've put you through and we need to get away from the minutiae thinking it's some guy in the BBC that's just a fucking bastard it's not that they're controlled right it's the same way look at Jordan Peterson when he was on that I think it was a Channel 4 was it Kathy so and so she was she kept trying to destroy the guy and he just wiped the floor with her and made her look utterly ridiculous but the reason she kept going in getting smashed not taking the cue and then coming back in and try was she's been told by her hierarchy what the angle is what she's got to go for and they're controlled by by the powers above them right so sorry I don't mean to interrupt you but it's that's all right now you because I did I didn't there's a there's a documentary I call once upon a time in Iraq so when I came out and I I did this interview with the guy and I said I didn't do an interview with him I did we met up for a cup of tea and I always remember him like laughing and joking going yeah it's all paid for he would pay for food like we'd go for a meal and he'd go right he was trying to butt me up because what they wanted to do was do it he said we could get possibly 20 grand we could pay you 20 grand and you would do a talk about as in you'll get your point of view across of what happened in Iraq and I was like I you know I was already on the verge of like bankruptcy and losing my house and my my you know previous man was over and living in my car and that money but I just couldn't I just and then I remember I was I was just on the fringes of making diary of a disgraced soldier so I like all the artwork you see in diary of a disgraced soldier so I started getting on the verge of madness so I was painting all these pictures and I I even the hired like this room where I just keep all these pictures I was like making my own gallery and I remember bringing this this executive from BBC who's called Dimitri something or whatever he came along and I remember him laughing laughing at the paintings and even Scott Scott was laughing at what what and I remember thinking don't do it don't don't go with these people they're going to make a mockery of it they're going to make a mockery they're going to explore your family they're going to they want it so I just turned around to them and I said no I'm going to make this documentary with these three students I met these three students from family university Rich Atkinson, Neil Cole and Chris Rowe and I just said me me and Chris Rowe went to the meeting with the two BBC I said can you come along with me and I remember telling him once this BBC guy goes no I'm not I'm not doing it with you guys and he was so angry because then the beat this this BBC journalist dude being with me you know trying to persuade me he says you'll never make this documentary you'll never get it off and I was like that then that's the best thing you could have said to me I'm going to fucking make this film for bankrupts me it did it did thank you know I literally went now I'm going to make this film so I made that documentary you know that one there and I'm proud of it you know it only went to one film festival and that's got in through um that got that got in because we had somebody in the film festival that took the DVD that was at the bottom of the pile and put it at the top of the pile again it was like mine can we just backtrack a bit have what was the kind of lynchpin um that you didn't get prosecuted for any of that I mean I I'm not saying you should have been prosecuted so remember I remember I gave that footage to my friends uh Steve Mitchell who does the band Lay Lines and he gave it to News of the World journalist who then gave it to um who gave it to Andy Bernag to review so because of that incident because of me doing that right when I was waiting for when I was waiting to get discharged from the army right I remember somebody gave me a number for the M.O.D press office and what I would do is I ring up every day and I said any news yet on our court martial any use it right what I did is I almost harassed him to death no court weather so no news on your court martial no news on the court martial every day run him out and this media breath was because I thought we have to know we've got no information next day so any news on our uh on our court martial date no and then it got to christmas time in 2007 I think I got out 2007 it might have been christmas coming up for christmas time 2006 and it was christmas time and they were giving out this media press officer I rang him up and he was drunk he said court webster I'm so fed up with you ringing me said if I tell you this information you promise never to ring again yeah he went right he said the news of the world are going to back you guys they're going to they're going to they're going to play they're going to back you guys now because they've got the full footage and what they've said to us so the meets so basically the news of the world even though they exposed us we're then going to we're going to play we're going to then back us so as the media then as so as we would be trying at ball first right in this new court that they were building especially to try all these war criminals supposedly walking us the media would then back us so it was a perfect story for them so then the the mod backed off and went that's going to have massive egg on our faces right so he told me the fall he said because the news of the world have the full footage and the back you guys were backing off and we're going to drop all the charges so the crime prosecution service dropped everything all the charges on them I was getting charged with section 69 me it's like someone's made it out what's we call it I'll call it section 69 that's funny yeah section 69 mocking Iraqi civilians while being being mistakes that's what my charge was it's almost like they made it up because I didn't see it in the military law manual that I stole when I left anyway so so that's why it all got dropped the crime prosecutions that we were dropped with no charge we were it was all dropped with no charges all found not guilty but major forks had his careers ruined john was prevented even done his full 22 years he had to spend a whole year in the army and none of their names were only me and major forks his names were released to the press you know mine was released to us the major forks what they did is they did they they released his name to the press and they tried to they tried to make a big thing about he was such a good commander you know such a you know he's I think he's still in the thing that come across in your documentary which is a bloody good achievement mate you know it really really is and I I'm one of these you know and never look back only look forward and there's no such thing as a bad experience you know if some things we wouldn't do again then that's fine it takes us forward to this better better place um so congratulations on the documentary but what I wanted to talk about is I think the thing is so visceral and and is you can see that you're a man pushed to the limit of what anyone is supposed to enjoy you can see that in your in in your frustration and your anger and your your sense of outrage at being in this unique limited bunch of people that actually get this you know that have been subjected to this and have been victim to it and also when I um podcasted with major Andy Shaw who was the Royal Marine Chat that that um was in a blue on blue engagement in the Folkland so one patrol shot up another patrol on the same side obviously and there was one point in his uh that podcast where he went no Chris shut up he didn't say you know he meant it like no let me speak right and he said this is PTSD talking right and I was like I'm only you know it it was palpable I could see you know and yeah I seen that my own behaviour many times over the over the years it it's um um yeah I don't know can we explore that in some I see it in my eyes when I watch that video back it's almost like it's almost like a demonic possession that's anywhere I kind of think it's quite like it's all soldiers if you watch Mike Tyson interviews there's another guy that I'm fascinated by especially because you know it can be go from like crying in tears to one minute like you know he's like a kid like he's like a tiger to be left off a leash and probably why he smokes a little pot to keep himself chilled and some juice and like with me I've never had I've never been into if I smoked cannabis it made me really paranoid if I took any form of drugs it would have the opposite effect on me because I'm my brain's mad enough as it is I you know did magic mushrooms before joining um the army when I was at art school and you know that was another another level of you know of experience that I'm very spiritual person and I believe that you know you can be open to but everyone has their shadow side Carl Jung talks as I've done all the therapy stuff the last 10 years Carl Jung talks about your shadow side and investigating your shadow side your doctor and everyone has a dark side what soldiers do they tap into an uncharted primal evil resource and we all have that ability to snap and it's on you know it's like but at the same time we'd have to control that it's it's got to be it's got to be controlled and measured and that's probably what special forces people look for they look for can this guy contain this that can it be and I I've struggled over years what I find hard of is is it going back to that scared little boy you know at the age of seven that going through that torture it's like when I made that decision this will never ever happen to me again you know the guy that did that to me friend requested me a few years ago and I looked at the picture on his profile and I thought you're so lucky that I've been through 10 years of therapy because if I hadn't when I came out the army you know I could have done something serious this guy but because I've been through 10 years of therapy I got to that place of peace inside myself to realize that I can can control this aggressive behavior because it's not it's not good it's not you can't be a productive member of society for the last 10 years I've worked with so many violent aggressive people and get them to a point where they can find peace and then meet some meet their soulmate meets someone they truly love and find and love themselves you know it's all about loving yourself do we find them mate I just want to get all this out that the alcohol for people like ourselves is problematic right it big time it unleashes the fucking beast I think I think if you've done what I mean by shadow work if you've done loads of like I can have a beer now the thing is if someone's drinking as an addict to to bury something that that's dangerous if someone like now I can drink a can of Guinness with a with a meal right and really enjoy that but if I started to drink lots of them then that could unleash things in me that that's why I've never been into alcohol never been into drugs like that I've never been that type of depends on your on your the person perhaps it's in my upbringing because my mom and dad didn't drink or smoke or those are things that they were traits that I sort of took on to fit in with with military life but they weren't they weren't things that I particularly grew up enjoying really I did it because it was part of the military there just seems to be this really strong connection of people that have been through childhood trauma that then gets to adulthood and then go through something again and then they not only come out of it a stronger more productive you know they say member of society don't they but they are more spiritual person um but it's it's they wouldn't have done that had they not had the trauma as a kid totally I possibly would never have gone in the military because those you know that like that boy that I mentioned at the beginning nearly that you know he went through that beating at the age of you know I must have been eight or nine watching my friend who's older than me get that kick in and it's still it's still clear in my head watching that experience you think that the world is then full of violent dangerous people and it's not there's a full of a lot of good people as well it just happened to be those scenarios of trauma that I went through as a kid then dictate the path that I took you know but then if I'd say for instance that video camera if I turn around that twisted fate of that video not being sure if I if that video didn't come out would I have not have then seen what I'd become this really aggressive violent person to then to then look to then to heal to heal from war you know and the thing is now I realize that there's more power in not fighting there's more peace in your life than not being aggressive not being like that but sometimes you have got a set of boundary with people you know why why is it then because I could see you know the video where you were so pent up frustrated it's if someone had said to you then right here's an SA80 there's bush and there's Blair and listen I don't want to say the words here because I don't want to get get get get us into shit again but no no I don't listen no no one you're not going to get prosecuted I know that your thoughts have been where mine have do you know what I don't have any I don't have any when I was angry then but because I've done so much work on myself how do I feel now I don't feel any that's being it's forgiveness you've talked about it on your podcast so you talked about it with Robbie Williams you know about the forgiveness is finding that place of forgiveness even doing this interview today I feel like there's still work I've got to do on forgiveness around the BBC this forgiveness I've got to do around that interviewee this forgiveness around the SIB that I could feel anger coming up in me around the military police and and I feel like I need to work on those things myself in the next few weeks I'm going to work on them because it's all about shaving off those layers the onion's like today there's this interview is about me going looking looking back and reflecting and going I haven't spoke about I did speak about this two years ago and I became really upset because I went and did a BBC another BBC with that once upon a time in Iraq documentary that was being made and then they spent months nurturing me one of the producers who I've gotten really well with and he was like you're going to get to have your say and I've had my say in diary with this great soldier why do I need to have my say again I know the film will probably never make the light of day I'll never come on BBC channel I'll never be shown on channel four because it's too real it's too visceral it's too hey look this is what went on and the people don't want to know the truth so you know if you want to know the truth watch the film it's free on the viral channel you have to pay for it but I was I did this documentary called once upon a time in Iraq and when I went on it they were like the the producer was like we want to talk to webby and I would well I am webby that person what they wanted but they they thought I was like a split person I that is me that is an aggressive side of me that if you provoke and if you bear bait that person you could you could initiate that if you want that or they try to do that they try to do that in the interview and one of the one of the the interviewer a female interviewer first of all she asked me what I voted on Brexit and then when I told her that I voted leave on Brexit she completely changed towards me she was being aggressive she all day she just provoked me bear baited me and then went on to me tried to associate with me having some sexual disorder with with what I'm saying on the camera and I said then all I did was I just kept calm I kept collected and because I wouldn't react in the way that the BBC journalist wanted to react they didn't put me in the documentary because they wanted to see a nutter on tea and because I because I didn't fulfill what they wanted I came back and my missus said you're right and I said no and I spent three days in my bed I felt sick I felt I felt violated I felt abused and suicidal thoughts come up in my head and that hadn't come up for years and I thought what if these people interview someone who's I have helped them the next few days I had helped from therapists that I've worked with over the last few years what if they interviewed somebody and they went off and killed their son they don't care these these big corporations all they care about is their stupid documentary and I hope I hope they get their next BAFTA for once upon a time in Iraq it's called but I didn't feature in it because I didn't play to their tune I didn't dance to their tune good and it's just sad it's just sad Chris it's sad that these people have controlled the narrative for so long and they're just oh oh it I could say so much about it it's it's just a horrible insidiousness in that whole that they just want to betray the the soldiers how they want to betray them and yeah you know when I watched your interview recently with Robbie Williams I was I was um I was listening to it in the car and I was driving back and the way he spoke about the way he spoke about military guys because he's worked with special forces guy doing the close protection film the love he had for them the fact that the soldiers will do they'll give their life for their for their country that's what I was willing to do was give my life for the country and it made me emotional to hear him speaking with such fondness towards military personnel because they are and I do I do love military personnel I I love the ethos I love hearing the stories from the old and the younger generations and it's just it's a privilege to be part of I don't regret any you know I wouldn't be doing this now with you if I hadn't joined up so for me it's been character building yeah for Rob it's you gotta remember everyone in everyone he's surrounded by you know they come with a the honey in this hand and and the knife in in this hand and and his bouncers his his security will lay down their lives for Rob yeah and they must be such a you know he's in an industry which isn't people people die in that industry quite quite frequently and yeah very suspicious circumstances and but what I wanted to come on to is I've had I've had this conversation before in a podcast is like I I get you that we have to find peace in our hearts I I get that but we're and I hear people say a lot we're it's a spiritual war right and I I I kind of get that but what I I I I really wonder if this is the last sort of keen or peace in some sort of jigsaw to work out to get the ultimate peace of mind in this life because I I consider myself enlightened I certainly am not a left-brained person and that has all the stresses that left-brained people do you know the mortgage the the you know does my ass look big in this and all that all that stuff right but my when you see what this agenda is doing to our young people you've only got to look out of the window and see their loss of freedom their damage the damage that's been done to them right not to not just young people people now have lost a bit is to say hello when they walk down the street it's just awful you get a father and this is not this is not everybody of course it's not okay you know I'm not lumping I'm saying in general because I'm out running a lot or I'm out cycling you know I come past the family there's dad bit poji because you know he's got he's got the 2,000 pound mountain bike for Christmas because someone's prompted him to get he's got the silly lycra on he's got his partner behind behind him and three kids in tow and you cycle and you go just I get it I I think I know what that is it's just complete loss of self damage so much by society through the the fear-based culture that we've been brought up in do you know do you know our faith though but I'm a big believer in it's like well I look where I am now if I look at that whole I was when I made diary if I look at that whole I was in there I got myself out of that obviously with the help of family friends and loved ones and you know I've got myself out of that hole and I see where I'm now and it's like for me it's I've just finished making a film with no budget no funding again another film I've made another I've spent six years in my life working on a film with no budget to make an hour 20 film about penitent about a man seeking forgiveness of themselves and that's what the film was about and is when I when I look at that I don't lose that because I thought at one point I'm never going to finish this film but I had I kept the faith inside and I keep the faith in humanity the fact that the younger generation few speak to them and I'm working with them on a building site at the moment I'm on a building site and I'm they don't buy into this shit they live in they they just find another way around it Chris they just they just they have another one I was working with young eight england and he goes I said do you know about 9 11 he goes no he don't care he the feet I said do you know about he goes no it was just so nice to speak to that what I said what you're gonna get don't know don't get like but just we don't we just find a way around it like we did it's I think what is the birth of the new 90s these kids these younger generation just one and I guess what they're going to be the ones running and showing it and they're going to remember this lockdown they're going to remember this bullshit right and they ain't buying it so I I have faith because I'm chatting to a lot of young lads I have faith in the next generation that they're going to they're going to come out swinging and so I don't I I have a secret side to the side that the smart big smile inside is saying do you know what you know what do you know do you know the great thing that came out about the iraq war Chris for me yeah cool is when they tried to push sharia a few years ago they just got fucked off they got fucked off the war got fucked off because the people have had enough they don't want to see coffins coming back at woot and bust it they don't want to see it they don't want it the public don't want it anymore and the thing is it's the boy that cried wolf and the thing is they played their ace card again right so if you look at it that way there's only so many times you can play your ace card so many times you can tell lies because we've all we've all been done it and what you've got to do is you've got to let this play out you've got to let people lose their feelings you've got to let people that's the way I'm trying to inside let people lose their civil liberties let people lose you've got to lose it to them realize it and then just claim it back yeah if you lose it to the extent that we're losing it at the rate we're losing it at the same time as people don't have the confidence to speak out right right you're doing it yeah but you're doing it now aren't you and it's getting it we have secret meetings with people that that that we speak to that we get like what we call normal people but you don't mind to and the thing is you do what did my boy said to me once at school I said I was getting problems with certain people um certain people would were behaving in a certain way and my son said to me one day again some people were being horrible to me or like I was and my son goes dad do you know what I do at school when people are being not horrible to me they went I just don't play with someone else and I just thought oh god that's the metaphor there is you just connect with the people that you do connect with and that's things you don't you become the the five people that you surround yourself so if you surround yourself with our souls guess what you become an asshole you know well the thing I've learned over life this is the thing three categories people break into right and you can take this quote from me right there's three types of souls in life there's new souls and new souls I believe come to this planet you they're young they're fresh they learn to grow that we help those new souls you've got old souls right and old souls are people um that we learn from we take their experiences we so we listen to them because they're wise sages and then you've got our souls and there's nothing you can do with an asshole just fuck it all three types of souls new souls old souls and old souls and you're an old soul and the thing is you've got that wisdom to give and you're giving it out and that's that's what I don't have an issue with that I mean that's what I do all day long I associate with like minded people um you know we know where we're at there's no you know because we know where we've come from it is what it is we why do you think why do you think I always ask everyone have you been through trauma because I know if the answer is yes and they've been through the turmoil whether it's addiction or what you've been through and come out the other side I know they then have the power to see this agenda and it makes it makes us unique but when you go let's not say any of the please don't say any words because you'll be my like my first guest that I've asked not to that actually doesn't right every guest I plead not to say the words and and I know I get that right but let's just say you went in a in a certain place at the moment and and everyone was like behaving in a certain way but you were the only one that wasn't I mean you like in some sort of future fantasy world that Will Smith would star in right I'm talking it's that weird right I've had my son with me on uh three occasions when let's just say a person in a position of responsibility um you know what I'm trying to say has come over and challenged me uh four times twice it's ended up with me getting ejected with my little boy from the establishment twice it's just turned around with me saying under what under what legal basis right do you do you do you understand that the discrimination laws in this country what you're asking me for you're not allowed to ask me right what do they do they fuck off because they realize they're muppets you know but I had it I had it in Tesco's every week but mind just let me finish my point my point is if I was like in this certain place and let's say 75 people were were doing the thing but there was 25 gun fuck that shit no no my children are more important I'm a fucking warrior I'm a hero to to my children I care about their future I'm not letting them be be enslaved by this um right that then I'll be like with you yes it's you know there but but the fact that that those people exist I don't think it's as much as 25 as although we'd like like to think so because we live in a bit of an echo chamber with fellow similar minds so yeah it fools us at thinking that like you know there's loads of us the thing like this but but the thing is the fact that there are some but they're all doing the thing they're all doing the thing right they are the cowards because they know it's wrong but they still do it anyway because they're afraid and this is the thing until we can get to the bottom of what is it that keeps people in that fear what is it about our education system that keeps people left-brained creatures for life the vast majority I'm talking 99 right nine you you say we won't go and invade so and so because they they'd cry what I I only have to look out the window and see it's just a continuation of the you know that if you ever doubt saying you've been letting people off their journey you know it's like it's like you know like I've got to a place in my life now where I've had to learn to I've been out recently and my partner says to me don't let it wind you up so don't let it wind you up and because I totally hear where you're coming from I totally thought like so I have to practice on a regular basis breathing techniques all that stuff to the way I've it's almost like going through life with a space suit on and not and then it's trying to go well what do I every time every time I get a situation that rubs me up the wrong way and I totally hear where you're coming from and I totally feel the way you felt felt about certain where I had a confrontation with in Tesco was only about a month two months ago where I walked in you said the word did I we weren't going to say the words okay go on mate go on I think that can edit that one out no it's just make the other day I put the video out and I purposely put in what I had to edit out of it just to pass it on some of these platforms right just to show people the agenda that we're under you're not allowed to do this not allowed to talk about this not allowed to talk about this not allowed to talk about this not allowed to talk about right all of those whichever platform on the internet you are on you cannot right no what happened to freedom of speech is our inalible right you know what happened fighting against tyranny what happened to you know what happened to exchange in information because sometimes you're going to be wrong sometimes you're going to be ah what's that what's that saying is is don't don't hate the players that love the game don't hate the game love the game hate hate the players it's just got a box clever and that's what you're doing and that's the thing isn't it it's like it's get back into enjoying it's just a game is was it with Bill Hicks said it's just a ride is it Bill Hicks said yeah it's just a ride but our kids now can't just hop on a plane I'm going to backpack the world like I did no you know not yet not yet not yet well you know there will be things measures happens when you stop people doing something what happens when you stop people doing so what happens when you tell your kids right don't do this don't do this what do they do it's not just that mate my child now has to grow up in a world with a completely distorted view of what illness is right I'm not saying anything more on that I'm just saying what about going to the gym eating alkaline diet being healthy breathing exercise all of that stuff it's been shelling they're learning but your your son is learning from you that's what you got to remember you're you learn off your parents you don't learn you learn a little bit from school you learn a little bit yeah but I'm not I'm not just talking about my son mate am I I'm talking about all the children and most of them are in the 99% they're not going to get this info they're going to get their ear based propaganda but are you they're not watching they're not watching the mainstream the people are watching the mainstream is our parent generations they're watching the mainstream you film me with a bit with a bit of hope you've got I'm telling you I'm working on a building site at the moment 18 to 21 year olds right they are having the time of their life and like every morning when I'm going in and I said what's happened last night what you've been doing they they they're they are doing they are doing everything we did in the 90s and more right because they've got a way of connecting with the internet and when they go on this snapchat stuff there's no the snapchat can't be monitored apparently by so they've got ways of doing stuff that I said because they're like the other days like they were doing stuff and I said what are you doing there they said oh we're putting I said you're putting that on social media they went no snapchat it can't be monitored they find a way Chris they'll find a way that's what's beautiful about life you can't control it what happens with nature when you try to control it all right can I I'm going to bring it back then because I know people listen and again they this is validity for them this these kind of conversations is what we've been denied for our whole lives due to the the establishments that we've both been talking about so here's the thing right I don't want for anything money can't make me happy I've got everything in life I've ever dreamed about and I've achieved everything that I ever wanted to right um so basically I say this a lot but I live in paradise every day okay it could be so easy mate than rather to be having these conversations which if you're a trauma if you've experienced trauma in your life it just triggers it all you know this confrontation all this kind of stuff is just like you're walking down a fiery path of people sticking spears into you for for telling the truth right burn the heretics yeah but for telling the truth right so mate I easily could go and sit in my back garden bit of sun on my face reading amazing books that my friends have written it's Mark Wilkinson yeah hey I'm Mark you've got a shout out mate DJ Mark Wilkinson don't forget to get this bad boy in this is for your coffee table oh wow let's get we'll get a link for that soldier of consequence right here's another one look yeah have I got time to read this this is sent to me by a publisher for it for a guest on the show I'd love to sit in my garden mate really right it's Sunday I'm working right so what I'm trying to say is I can I don't have the the anger right I don't I'm not angry with the BBC I understand who they are and what what they function in this matrix right yeah I get it I could you know go and just go to the beach for the day well whatever whatever the scenario is but my thing mate is to me that would make me selfish to to to peel away from what's going on and not try to open people's eyes as to the reality that they're living in and yeah and thus free our young future generations of this slavery that that's that well you know what did you what what did you think of penitent do you because you watched penitent didn't you yes I did mate yeah because not many people have seen it I've only shown it to like 30 people yeah it so friends at home penitent I think we should keep this short now Martin because otherwise yeah yeah yeah I think we've gone on for three hours and you can edit it down whatever whatever we want we don't I don't tend to do that to be honest just only one when we go and make a cup of tea but uh yeah great film Martin's made penitent it's about a guy that let's just say fuck fuck's up in combat and his colleagues get killed and then when he comes back to the UK he's living with a guilt and the shame and the the trauma of seeing them executed and this kind of thing don't mention the spoiler though that's in the film don't you okay I will mention the spoiler and it's powerful it talks about the journey of emancipation the one that we've all taken is very similar for over you know you go through the the anger the the the drugs the alcohol what whatever it might be the the detachment from your relationships from your family that this lack of that the frustration that people just don't you know get it this kind of thing and then it also introduces what I call the angels and I'm not saying that to sound fluffy it's just on my journey there was there was two of them right two people went when everyone else left my life everyone we're actually I'm going to say three three people that had the integrity or the sense of self to come out and say Chris you're a good guy right that's that's all they needed to say in this quagmire of you know what what what there she says like you're a good guy you don't need to be doing this shit to yourself you don't need to be doing just just so I call them the angels and that that you know we spoke about if I say the French man we we we understand that in your in your film did you the French the Frenchman Guy who plays that though he's he was I told him your feedback every day and he was moved by that and I said I'm cool we're friends now oh yeah he's a lovely bloke Trinity he's really nice and again Mark Ryan as well who was in who he was in who does wins because I saw your recent podcast about who does wins he was he played the terrorist in who does wins you get shot by the SES team when they come into the house and he knew Lewis Collins and I think we should finish up just by me congratulating you on on on just all of it you know oh thanks man I appreciate just all of it and it and it's all good nothing is bad as I'm always saying we don't live in the past we only go we only go forward um I think there'll be more to this chat we should do definitely make we should do do definitely do more because it it's I'm happy to talk about the therapy side some other time with the PTSD because yes it might save some lives that's why I mean if you just one person saves one person's life they get help you know because the therapy stuff you know because you know I do I do still have PTSD I thought I didn't have PTSD I thought I'd got rid of it I thought I'd but I do still suffer from PTSD and that's been you know for the last year has been problematic for me but I do feel I'm in a lot better place to deal with my situation and penitent coming out if it saves one life as well when you watch that film if it stops somebody from taking a life getting help and then sorting herself out then it was worth making you know I got I got kidnapped as a child did you yeah so albeit for like two hours but during that two hours what what they were trying to do to me and my sister wasn't you know it's fine what age were you then oh six or maybe seven and then then that sets it out for the rest of your life I give in to give you and I to people at home an idea of like the trauma the traumas I went through I once got attacked by a dog like a feral sheep dog on a farm yeah me and my mates have been playing on this this rope swing out in the in the nature and this dog had come up befriended us and it loved it we were thrown sticks and it was it was a dog right my friends all left to go home and I'm still there swinging on this stick and um the dog came up and I thought it's you know just attacked me mate right just jumped up got his uh fangs into my scalp I could feel it just clamping down on me and it was argh and obviously I'm in shock obviously it's just you know further trauma I went home I didn't even tell my parents not not because I was trying to hide any no no it I didn't know that when stuff like that happens to you you should tell your parents about it and then they'll go oh come on and they'll make it better that that wasn't in my life you know that internalization of such traumas from such a young age I can do I didn't have the skills to process it right so it's gone in there it's gone into the you know it's it's it's not even compartmentalized in my mind it's in a place that as an adult now I have the ability to address it you know to put measures in place so it doesn't control my life right um control my behaviors just like you know the drinking and all all this kind of stuff um but you say I think my peter it's it's I think it's in us mate and it's okay you know it's okay it's I I think we if people say god's chosen ones I think we're mother nature's chosen ones because we we get given a gift off the back of this and it's a gift only only you and I understand you know and others understand and I mean yeah it may maybe other people do that haven't been to through such trauma and that's just great credit to them probably had really good parents I'm guessing yeah most people are oblivious they call us names they they you know they alienate us from such they use words like smack head and crack head and ouchy and and and drunk and and uh tramp and bum and and all these things because they don't get it you know if you don't feel if you find that place inside your heart where it doesn't matter what anyone calls you you know I mean that like I've got this great soldier written on my thumb and no because it used to bother me but now because I don't feel a disgrace soldier and I just look at it it's just it's just it's just a it doesn't mean shit it doesn't mean anything to me because I know who I know I know I'm good but we know it's a badge of honor that's why I've got psychosis crystal meth psychosis on the front of my brain because it's the proudest thing that ever happened to me the same as your experience should be the proudest thing that ever happened to you and to anyone watching it go out write a book make a film do do express it because by doing that you're inspiring others to to um to overcome whatever it is they want to overcome you know and become in the master of destiny that's the thing that must do in destiny and being at peace for yourself and forgiving let go of the rope that's the biggest thing I went I didn't see my kids for three years and I had to go to court and whatnot when I stopped going to court let go of the road stop fighting I got to see my kids again and it's that's there's a massive powerful message in that if you if you fight if you want to tie the wall with someone what happens you get calluses you get rope burns if you let go of the rope what happens to what happens to the people on the other side they all fall over don't they yes and it we'll continue this on another one we'll do we'll do a part two we'll do a therapy one we'll talk about all the therapy stuff and that that we both understand and have been through yes so Martin I'm going to let you get back to your sunbed because I can I can see you're missing it no yeah thank you very much mate and and as you say let's pick this up again to friends at home if you could please like and subscribe um and support these kind of conversations because this this is for our children's future isn't it you know these are the conversations that they've just not taken place until until now and it's uh you know someone has to have them someone has to listen to them and people have to invest invest in it so if you like and subscribe that'd be great much love to you all see you soon i will stay cheers buddy