 Recently one of our members posted how she doesn't believe that she's going to attract a high quality man. And a number of people have jumped in saying they feel frustration in the dating marketplace and I can understand why. I want everyone to think about this. If we look back 50 plus years ago when it came to mating, if you will, or finding a life partner was a lot different. We met people in our environment, in our towns, in the schools that we went to or even in our work environment. And certainly a lot has changed in the last 50 years, particularly in the last decade, because of our devices. Now we find ourselves in a swipe culture which has actually bastardized the dating process. And what I mean by bastardized, it has shrugged people down to just a picture. And today an image can make or break a person's opportunity for finding a real connection with someone. So I wanna lean into this conversation about how can you meet a high quality man because I've recognized that many women I've either worked with or have been coached by others or have done some preliminary work prior to putting themselves out there seem to be succeeding in the dating marketplace and so many women haven't. And I thought it'd be good to unpack this because first off, I know the title says get a high quality man to chase you. What I'm really meaning to say is get somebody who's a good fit for you to wanna invest in you. That's really what we're talking about. How to get someone to invest in you. All right, so now let's break down our true circumstances today. The reality is, is most of us in midlife don't live in an environment where we are surrounded by single eligible people. That's just not the case. Maybe in our 20s, if we were in school, in college, in an environment where people of our own age congregated who and there was a significant percentage of single people it was easier to be seen by single eligible people back then. For those of us in midlife, many of us have our circle of friends. Many of them are married. Many of our friends don't live near us. So many human beings in today's marketplace live in someone of an isolated environment. And because of that, it makes it extremely challenging. So I read a statistic that said in the, let's see, in the next 15 years, over 70% of all new relationships will happen through an online connection. But a moment ago, we just said that dating apps have bastardized the dating process. And certainly for men who tend to be visual creatures, it's certainly played into their narrative of only swiping based on looks. And yet for those men, those high quality men, and what I mean by high quality, I just mean men of good character who are responsible human beings. That's what I mean by high quality, good character and our responsible human beings. And the reality is as most people do, most people have good character and most people are responsible. It's only the outliers who are disingenuous and irresponsible in their life. The real challenge is when I say good character and responsible, it's missing this third piece. And we're talking about emotional IQ, particularly in the areas of healing childhood wounds and adult traumas. So they don't show up with weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. Because when we're really talking about a high quality person, man or woman, good character, responsible person and most importantly, good emotional IQ. Okay, so let's get real right now. The vast majority of the single population for those of us in midlife are a lot of damaged human beings, myself included. I have suffered a lot of emotional trauma in the last decade and a half since I've gone through a divorce. And this is the significant population. We have a population of emotionally wounded people. Now, let's identify something first. The number one emotional health issue that's facing almost everybody is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And dating the wrong people can trigger this over and over and over again. So there's no wonder. Many of you feel a sense of frustration. Many of you feel like it isn't going to happen. Now, for a significant percentage of people that are over 45, 50 or 60 years old, it's not gonna happen for them. They're not going to meet a life partner, a good life partner, a healthy life partner. That's the reality. And that's the majority of people. Might be some of you that are listening to this right now. So the question really becomes if you really wanna get a high quality person to invest in you, what are you going to do to set yourself apart from everyone else? Now I can tell you as a dating coach, women come to me, for example, asking them me to improve their online dating profile. And let me just share this with you. They will send me a profile that makes me almost wanna barf, okay? And yet they think this is a high quality profile. I can tell you almost every woman thinks they presented a high quality representation of themselves. And the minute I call them out on it, oh my God, do they get triggered like nobody's business and they want to justify this poor presentation of themselves? So number one, if you wanna be seen by a higher quality or higher caliber, whatever terminology you wanna use person, then you have to put the best representation of yourself and that includes quality photographs and a real comprehensive essay. And I'm talking about using dating sites, not dating apps, dating sites like match.com, millionaire match, okay, Cupid, JDate, just to name a few, okay? The sites where there was more robust information. Now, a lot of men are shifting to the dating apps, but let me tell you this, men who are actually serious about a relationship will invest in the match.coms. And this requires making a $20, $30, $40, $50 a month investment. See, there's no investment made, financial investment in the dating apps. It's all about getting that next dopamine hit. And unfortunately, and I say this for myself too, I was addicted to the swipe. I was addicted to the dopamine hit. And that's a very common thing. I was incredibly addicted to it. It doesn't make me a bad person, it's just this is the crack cocaine that the dating industry has now been feeding us. And let me just tell you something, the dating industry is a multi-billion-dollar industry and it is designed to keep you single. A lot of the companies that are charging you money, they want you single. So what do they do? Especially in the dating apps, the dating sites are a little bit different because they get paid for their services. They're not relying on advertising. They rely on getting more people into their site. So it's a benefit to them to keep putting a, well, actually it's a benefit for them to keep you on there a lot longer. There's no doubt about it. But they're already getting paid in advance. So that puts them in a different category than those with the dating swipe apps that are predatory, okay? Yeah, quality photographs. And what I mean by quality photographs, I'm talking about hiring someone to take good candid pictures of yourself. That is one of the first things you wanna do. The second is to create an awesome essay about yourself. There's organizations like e-cerano. I certainly can send you, if you've hired me, I can send you the best dating profiles I've reviewed that actually attract a higher caliber person. If you want a higher caliber person, then you have to set yourself apart from every other woman out there. And ladies, whether you like it or not, you are competing with each other to some degree. And so just like in marketing, putting your best presentation forward is imperative to get more clicks. Whether we like it or not, we have to get more hits. Now this is where my coaching comes in. Let's say you have an abundance of men interested in you. Now it's learning how to weed out the men who are really dysfunctional versus the men like myself who are marginally dysfunctional. What I mean by marginally dysfunctional, I'm talking about men that have good character, are able to take care of themselves and have just childhood wounds and traumas that they've addressed or adult traumas they've addressed that puts them in a capacity to actually navigate a healthy, happy relationship. And then the other piece you have to remember and all of this is not just their capacity to have emotional IQ is do they even want a relationship and a significant percentage of people in midlife? They're afraid, they're gun shy. Women are just, by the way, this is true for women as well as men. So how do we, okay. So we just laid out a better format for those that are gonna use the dating sites. What about actually putting yourself in environment with people that might be a good fit for you? I know there are tons of singles organizations. I know there's, here in Los Angeles, everybody's playing pickleball. That's like the new thing. In fact, Marie and I are gonna start playing pickleball together. But put yourself in environments with other people, some of which might be single. And the other thing is start networking with other single people. Ask them who's single that they might know to introduce you. See if we want to change the narrative, then you actually have to make substantial effort, not passive effort. Not just sitting back there and hoping if your feminine energy is gonna attract a guy, sitting back and hoping is not gonna change the narrative. If you want something to happen in your life, then you have to make it happen for yourself. And that requires in these days, setting yourself apart from every other woman, because here's the bottom line. There are plenty of easy women out there for men to swipe on that will have easy sex. Sadly, there are plenty of women that will operate that way. I wanna encourage those that are watching this video to set themselves apart from every ordinary woman who is doing mediocre effort, who will be willing to sleep with men easily because they hope by sleeping with a guy or pandering to him, they will attract a partner in their life. And by the way, a lot of women who sleep with men do attract a partner, a highly dysfunctional partner, a partner will use them, they attract narcissists, they attract men who wanna take advantage of them. Yeah, I don't want that for you. I want you to set yourself apart from all the other women. And if you want to attract someone more high quality, then it requires making effort on your part, whether you like it or not. Otherwise, here's the thing you don't get to do. You can't complain if you haven't put together quality effort. Now again, many of you are in the delusion that you're making quality effort. And I can say this as a coach, 98% of, I think 99, 97, 98, 99% of the women who work with me all believe they've come to me all thinking they've put together a great presentation for themselves. And then the minute I call them out, they get so triggered because they're not willing to look at the mirror and say, you know what? I've gotta make herculean effort. And by the way, herculean effort gets you greater results. And I see women, by the way, I get calls every week from clients, Jonathan, I'm in a great guy, Jonathan, I'm in a great guy, Jonathan, I'm in a great guy, and they know the difference. And that's only going to happen if you begin to put a better presentation for yourself out there. That's just my two cents on that. You may not like it, but what I don't want you to do is put a quality presentation of yourself and then complain about the men when you haven't really done your part as well. And by the way, guys can be jerks, guys can be assholes. I get it. This is a frustrating times we live in. But guess what? Women are falling in love all the time with men who have emotional IQ. And I wanna set you apart from everyone else so you can attract that high quality guy. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on all this. All right, I wanna give big hugs to Jeannie for being on live with us. Thanks so much. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first. I'll give myself a big gigantic shot at the Barrett of Self Love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye.