 So, my depression started when I was 12, I also had anxiety, now the anxiety is very low, I don't feel that much anymore, but however the depression is sometimes unbearable. When I was 13, I started self-harming, the self-harm kind of got worse and I don't, of course I won't describe the details, but it got worse from July, August. In August I took pills, but I didn't really know anything about the dosage, so it failed as you see, and about a month from that I got admitted into a psych ward. I was there for a month and a week and yeah, I don't want to scare you, it's important to remember that I am in Poland, the mental health services and especially psych wards and especially child psych wards are extremely underfunded, but I talked to a psychologist for maybe 30 minutes, two times during my stay there. A stay of a month and a month and a half, and he's talked to a psychologist twice. And my visits with the psychiatrist were really like a physical exam or just talking about, I don't know, my family or when will I get discharged from there. And so the food was also terrible, I, as you may know, I have ARFIT, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. And I also didn't know that it existed then, I thought I was just weird, so the food wasn't, I ate only bread there really, and maybe pasta without any sauce if I was lucky. Yes, I, at the end, all the psychologists and psychologists quit their job, so the ward was closed. I'm laughing now, but it's all of course scary. So the ward was closed and that's why you were discharged? There was a doctor when I was near my discharge date from another hospital, but it happened when I was there and I avoided the closing, but yeah. So I got home, I was seriously controlled by my parents and well, it's not really that weird when your child wants to end their life. I think it's natural to want to know what they are doing. Yeah. And I self harmed pretty bad, but when I got to the doctor there, he said that there's an ocean of books that I should read to get better and life is beautiful. He was around 70. And that's how he treated my self harm and wounds that required stitching. But remember, if you're self harming and your wounds don't require stitching, it's just as important as those who require. It's not competition. Yes, yes, it's not a competition. And I don't want anybody to, I forgot the word, compare themselves to me. Yeah, and then I like four or three days ago from this incident at the doctors, I was having a psychosis attack. And yeah, I think it was from depression. I read somewhere that depression can cause psychotic attacks. I was 13 at the time, I didn't know what was happening. You're 13. Yes, yes. It felt like I'd taken, I don't know, drugs. I was talking like I was really heavily drunk. That the world is in our hands or something. I was texting all my friends or the group chats with this book. Yeah. And my mom called the ambulance and they gave me, I don't know if you will know what is called in English. If I will tell you hydroxyzine, hydroxyzine. Hydroxyzine. Hydroxyzine. Yeah, they gave me two of those. I hate, I hate hydroxyzine. It makes my brain so, I just can't focus on anything. Yes. I took that for a while for sleeping, but it didn't really work. And after this incident I was, my parents told me that I'm going to a psych ward just for some tests for a few hours. Of course I was there for another month. Can I just, I don't want to sort of interrupt your flower or anything, but I just find it absolutely incompatible about how healthcare professionals or people think that it's a suitable thing to basically just lock up someone who's recently attempted or someone who's self-harm quite badly. Yeah. And only see them twice once for a physical exam. Yes. And then expect when they're released for them to be in a better state. Not to return there anymore. You'd be worse, aren't you? It's a horrible experience. Yes, it's maybe a little bit traumatized me. The patients helped me a lot more than the actual doctors. Yeah. And this psych ward was the doctors and the psychologists were a little bit more, well, they were talking to us, but you had an individual consultation with the psychologist just once in a week, which is also not ideal. But still better. For individual or individual or group kind of. Yes. There was also something called group therapy, but it was just smelling candles and the psychologist reading us children's stories, children's books. What? And the patients, they were like 14 or 15. Yeah, there's children, sorry, but what? Yeah. Exactly. I know you're saying about, you know, this situation being in Poland. Yes. I've heard a lot of stories from people in the US and the UK who, you know, go in. I have to say it's not quite as bad as that as having really bad food. But it's so bad, I know. Yeah. And like the environments that they put you in from going to these places are just like the worst, like you're huddled together with other people who are really struggling. Yes. You're expected to eat certain things and go to sleep at certain times and wake up at certain times and like. Yes. It's like, is that more of a prison? Like a short term, like we'll put a, we'll put like a time out on them and then they'll be released. Yes, so they won't kill themselves. They're just not helping them, but it's just for them. Delaying. Yes, yes. And I have a question actually, you're in the UK. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. But I had a question if psych wards in America are paid as there is only private healthcare. Yeah. And I'm not too sure about that.