 A couple of years ago, I had published an article and it was during the time of the New Zealand shootings, which was also a very difficult moment for the Muslim Ummah and terrible. And so many people were also glued to the news at that point because unfortunately there was footage of the entire carnage that happened. But also because many families had a hard time with how do you exactly talk to children about all of this. So the article at the time, which is upon Allah, we've pulled it out so many times since Fatah Plotok Allah, that was 2019. And the article is called on prophetic wisdom and speaking to children in times of distress. And for those of you who are on the Zoom, I'm going to put this in the chat box for you. And for those of you who are on our WhatsApp group, I'm going to also put it for you there in case you'd like to reference it later. I will start with that inshallah and then we have our experts here next to me who are going to talk both about Muslim children identity and also about how to cope and what to do and how to help inshallah ta'ala. I think though you'll find that a lot of what's being referenced today actually applies to all of us here too, not just our children, so upon Allah. So let's go ahead and talk a little bit about this article and what I wanted to share with you. For me, when I think about how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam talked to everybody around him, there was this beautiful prophetic way in which he spoke and subhanAllah our halakha was meant to be a description of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam because we had started in Rabi'an Owl before everything, the most recent events had happened. And we had to of course shift gears because this really is a time that requires intense dua and prayer. But back to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when you think about how it is that he spoke specifically to young people and especially to people in his family. You know, there are many people who are very, how do I say this and not get myself in trouble? They are known in their communities to be, oh mashallah, mashallah, mashallah, sisters or brothers. But at home, it's a completely different face and tone. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what you saw is what you got inside and out. And whether it was his own child or whether it was his, any one of his family members or whether it was his closest companions and friends or whether it was the broader community, what you saw was what you got. And that's something very important and very special about him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and we take example from him, we take from his sunnah, even in times of distress and difficulty. And another thing that I wanted to share about him is he spoke, when we talk about children, to their level. And I think that's really important today and part of the conversation we're going to have a little bit with our therapist as well is, you know, he was very keen on making sure that the person in front of him understood what he was saying and that they were not overburdened unnecessarily. And this becomes really important about kind of age-appropriate milestones. Here at the Rahmah Foundation, those of you who have grown in our holocausts here, you'll know that one of the things that we really like pride ourselves on inshallah, I hope it's accurate and true, is that, and we've been doing this for years, is that the content that we teach in the different groups that you have your girls in, right, the frogs and bunnies and the rainbows and the busy bees and the rose buds, right, that they're age-appropriate content. That we're not talking to frogs and bunnies about very difficult things to understand. In fact, we're trying to break it down to their toddler level, right, the four and five and six-year-olds. And when we get all the way to your busy bees, your middle schoolers, now we start to get into kind of like some conversation indefinitely by the high school, right, we're starting to get into heavy, heavy conversations. But it's age-appropriate, because what we find is that there are, just like there are physical milestones, right, you know when your child starts walking and talking and eating, like there's different milestones that you look out for, right? And same thing, just like your physical milestones, there's cognitive milestones. What could be understood when? Because children, upon Allah, sometimes have very concrete thinking. They don't understand a lot of nuance. So when you try to read, I'll give you an example. We tend to start to reach, teach Quran from Juzamah, because the 30th part, right, is the small surahs. But it's also the surahs with a lot of heavy, heavy references and a lot of metaphorical references and also things related to heaven and hell, which are not metaphors, those are real, but it's hard for them to fully understand something they can't see directly in front of them. And there's reference to jinn and reference to angels and reference to other things that they can't, children can't quite see. So it's a time for a lot of confusion actually. And so interestingly enough, a lot of our teachers say they may memorize them, but when you come to explanation, you're careful in what you say, because otherwise you might actually teach them something that is not appropriate, age-wise, right then and there for them, but they absolutely should and will learn it a little bit later, right? Same concept here, same concept here. And so what I wanted to share with you, and I think Sister Wajma and Dr. Zahid are both going to kind of pick up here from where I start with you, whenever there is a really horrific tragedy that's unfolding, in this case it's still unfolding in front of us, it's very likely that at some point the young people around you are going to ask about this, if they haven't already. And when they do, there is a decision to be made about what to say and when and to who. I would say this, I'm going to go through part of what the article talks about and then Shalya will get to reference it, but the most important thing that you can do is know that it starts with you. It starts with us, us adults. It starts with us because it depends on how we're doing. Somebody shared with me that their young child said to them, why do you look so stressed out? And the mom said, because there's all these difficult things happening. And the daughter said, then you shouldn't be reading the news, mama. So cute, that's a lot of color. But also they pick up. It's amazing how much children pick up that they understand, even if you don't say anything, when you are stressed out, they understand that something is off, right? And then they start picking up snippets of conversations. If not full on, you've taken them to a protest with you. So they've seen everything with you, Subhanallah. And every family is a little bit different, but it starts with us and how much we engage with our children and what's happening with us in real time. So if we're glued constantly to the phone and not engaging with them, there are a lot of questions that they're having. And it's very confusing, actually, for them. So what do you do? Part of it is preparing. And this is why we're having this Holocaust today. Part of it is preparing as best as you can. It's not always perfect. And with the preparing, which we're doing tonight in shalom, the next step from that comes inquiring, actually asking them what they know or allowing them to come up to you and waiting for that. And this depends on their age. So let's kind of break this down a little bit. One of the things that have that frogs and muddy age group I was talking about, the three, four, five, six year olds, avoid sharing anything unnecessarily with this age group. They're kind of in their la la land. And they need to stay there as best as much as we can. And only if we suspect that they know something or they say that they know something because maybe they have an older sibling that has said something to them or maybe they have heard something that you've said. So at that point you can ask them what they've heard that's upsetting them and help them understand it a bit better, which I'm going to leave to Sister Wajima to explain to us a bit more. When we get to the age group that's after that, so let's talk about your like your seven to 12 year olds. This is where you want to wait and see. Wait and see. If they come to you and want to ask these questions and I say this because every child is different. You even might have several children yourself, same parents, same household, but every child is different. Every child is very in tune. Like I could be saying something in the other room. And like how did you even hear that? And I have another child who's totally aloof. La, la, la, la, la, like totally aloof. And so I'm like, how did you not see that? It's upon a lot. And so same household, same family. And so this is where you would wait and see if they ask us. And in this age group of seven to 12, if they actually come up and ask you or initiate the conversation, you may choose to just sort of let it be the way it is. It could be that they are not fully plugged into what's going on or it could be that they're not willing to yet fully tell you how heavy this is for them. And this is where if it's not in words, because sometimes young children don't have words to explain, instead they show their distress in other ways. Well, how do they show their distress? Well, it could be forms of regression where they're kind of going backwards. And things that you're kind of like, what's going on here? You usually don't wake up in the middle of the night scared. Or you usually are not scared to sleep with the lights off. Things like that where they're kind of going backwards from the milestones they've already came up through. And so you might want to ask them at that point, kind of sit with them and figure out what is it that they have seen or heard or understood and then process that with them, which we'll talk about a little later. How do you process your teenagers? This is where you just assume that they know. Of course they have to have known, right? In fact, if you've given them one of these things, they absolutely have known and seen and maybe very active, maybe even more than you expect. Masha'Allah. And it's really important that even at that point that you help fill in the blanks. Because there could be confusion and there could be also questions where there could be bullying that's been happening or harassment of different sorts. And if they're not fully opening up to you, you don't expect at this stage that they'll come up and say anything. It might require you to ask and kind of pull as much as you're able to. And I also like to make sure that we do touch on it anybody who has children with disabilities. I think this is important too to touch base on. This is where it really depends on what level of ability they have and their comprehension and level of understanding. And it may not match necessarily physical age, as you can imagine. And so you will know your child best. Nobody knows the better than you do. But I think it's also important that we don't just assume that they don't necessarily know what's happening or tapped in. So I just want to make sure that you are kind of aware of some of these, the breakdown of some of this. And I'll just share two more things before I hand this over. The importance of listening and the importance of validating. The listening becomes really important because so often as parents, we do this thing called problem-solving. We go immediately into problem-solving mode. Who said that to you? What did they do? And while you may need to take some steps to rectify what's happened, the reality is you need to kind of pull the reins just a little bit and just hear them out. Because maybe it's something that they've dealt with or maybe they don't like you to deal with or whatever it may be, but what they really want from you is to be heard. To be seen, to be heard. And the validating has a lot to do with whatever their emotions are, including your own by the way, validating your own emotions. I've heard so many people in this week, this past week say, I feel so terrible. But that doesn't matter because this is beyond worse than what's going on to me. My response to that is your emotions are what Allah gave you. And your reality is what Allah gave you. And their reality is what Allah gave them and it is very difficult to witness. The reality is though, Allah didn't ask you to erase your emotions. Does that make sense? Allah has put us in a place where we have the running water and the electricity and the safety and prosperity and all the rest of it. And there are sisters and brothers across the Ummah that don't have any of the above. And it's hard. Allah knows what he's doing and knows where he put each person and will ask each person accordingly. And that's probably what scares me the most. More than whether we have big emotions or small emotions what worries me the most is having all of this and then being asked by Allah, because those who are in those situations the really horrific things that we're seeing they're not going to have the kind of hasab we're going to have. Do you know what I'm trying to say here? And that's where we ask ourselves what can we do? What should we be doing? Which will be part of our conversations inshallah to Allah. But I just wanted to say to validate, don't shut down your emotions or their emotions whatever they may be even if you don't fully agree with them.