 of your pruning. Your pruning by watching your mind by being in purpose and fruits of listening to the Holy Spirit. But the darkness that's coming up without clearing away the shallow roots that are in the way of us planting more trees and more, right? Planting more fruit so we can have more fruit. Those shallow roots have to be seen. They have to be seen. Do you see what I'm saying? So it's the comparing one day to another. It's comparing one thought to another. It's all this fragmentation, all these compartments that you're looking through. I like this. I like this day. And yes, it's just a little misdirected. Of course joy is attractive. But in the awakening you must see that the Holy Spirit is loosening you from your defiled mind. Your mind has been defiled by false beliefs. That defilement is not creative. It's not, didn't change reality, but you believe it did. So it's very deep in your mind. So as the Spirit calls you into purpose, you will have stuff that comes up. So you have to be in your purpose. And then in your purpose, as stuff comes up, you're able to look at it very attentively, without distractions, without drama. You're able to look at it very directly. And that's what I'm doing in these three to five minutes, right? Well, yes. And that's what you're doing throughout the day, because you're just allowing. It's like, you can say the rest of the day is allowing. Instead of going in your mind and going, okay, what is what I need to see? What is it that I feel right now? Instead of constantly doing that throughout the day, you can't really be present when you're doing that all the time. You're just lost in your mind. See, the question or the answer to your question lies in the purpose. What is this for? Who's purpose am I in? What are my motives? Why am I digging so much? Yes, I do want to awaken, but I don't prepare myself for God. I work with the Holy Spirit. It's like a river. The river flows and it has its force. And what flows in the river flows in the river. You just got to allow the river to give you whatever it gives you. If it's a big chunk, if a big thing comes off the edge, if the tree falls down in the river, then let it be. You just see it as that's what it is. Yes, it seemed like today I had a big tree trunk that came out and was washed down and purged and cleared away. Today I had a few stems and a few leaves that washed by. That was it. Just don't judge them. See them as all equally illusory. You see that? You see? I see that. You see that? I'm still making a distinction, I guess, between I see purposes at three to five minutes and then when I'm done I see that I'm out of purpose. That's not it. No. Your purpose is always with you. Your purpose is just learning to surrender. Your purpose is forgiveness, Jason. You just forgive. You can't advance beyond your own understanding. I thought forgiveness was mind-watching. It is mind-watching because it's all your mind and forgiveness is watching what I call the unwatched mind. The ego is the unwatched. If you truly watch the ego, it dissolves. But the ego can't dissolve when you're judging good and bad right and wrong, right? When you're making distinctions and making them real in and of themselves or advancing beyond your own understanding. And so I'm watching. I know this sounds repetitive. Try again. Forgiveness is mind-watching and mind-watching is in those three to five minutes and yet I'm still mind-watching outside of those three to five minutes. So it's a different kind of mind-watching. Yes. You can say that in the beginning stages of mind-training it is not helpful to be constantly looking in your mind in a way of looking at your thoughts constantly going in your mind because Jesus knows that there's an enormous amount of stuff that you have buried back there and that he wants you to come into a place of joy and peace and you need to have joy and peace in order to look and if you're constantly digging in there you won't have to join the peace and the stability to advance you beyond. Oh my God. And so this joy and the peace will come from just listening to prompts, relaxing, meeting with people, a movie, whatever. Yes. And then in the moment as you advance in these lessons you learn to articulate what is most helpful. So let me share with my own learning going in. When I first started going in my mind I was just so excited that I could look at my mind. I was just so excited. I was just, everyone move out of my way, I'm waking up, I'm looking at my mind. But what I realized was and I was very joyful and peaceful before and I was learning the curriculum because I wanted to be consistently peaceful and consistently aware. I wanted to know myself. But I knew that I wasn't. I knew that there was that what I call the ache of separation. You have that ache, the human condition in there. It's just a knot. It's like a thorn in your side. I wanted to look at the thorn. So as I threw my excitement I would go through and listen to Jesus but I found myself more so throughout the day spending more time looking at my mind and I wasn't really listening to what Jesus was saying. So what I realized was I started to have, I started to feel empty. I started to feel serious and I called forth witnesses to it. Jeffrey, you're so serious. Where's your joy and all these things. And yes, there's a time when you go inside that you seem to lose joy but you have to go insane to be sane. So there are important times that, see this is why I'm telling you not to judge what's flowing in the river of consciousness. You have to just see it from a healing context of that's just what's breaking off or coming up in awareness right now that needs to be seen. It's a big chunk today, a little chunk tomorrow or however it seems to be. So what I realized was that, and this is what I did. I got to a place in my mind where I realized I was afraid, I was afraid that I wasn't going to wake up and I wanted to do it fast but it was all me, I was forcing it and that's why I wasn't joyful because I wasn't really making decisions with the Holy Spirit. I wasn't really connected to the art of miracle working which is meeting myself where I believe I am like the Buddha after seven or eight years of asceticism with his friends and starving himself, realized that his mind was more distracted in the past on food and other things in the past because he wasn't meeting himself so a little girl came along with a bowl of milk and he realized, you know what, if I put this little bit of milk in my belly then I could sit down and my mind is not off on the past on food, it's filled up a little bit so thus was the miracle way he realized that through the middle way approach of meeting myself, he went inward and then realized enlightenment, realized reality, saw reality for what it was, through mind training, through advancing, not going beyond but meeting himself where he believes he is so what I realized was was that that was my goal but I wasn't trusting in the Holy Spirit and the first attribute of the teacher of God, a miracle worker, is trust and all else rests on trust for me just doing the lessons exactly as described is actually trust is learning to trust and giving the rest of the over so what I would do was when there was lots of stuff coming up and it was just enormous if it was enormous and just a lot of stuff I started quickly saying, okay Holy Spirit if this is coming up then I trust that what needs to be seen will be seen and then I will be on about my day as you guide me and I'm sure that you will give it to me in a clear way so I don't have to dig for this I don't have to search for this and you know what started to happen? immediately I felt resting I felt restful immediately I felt peaceful although there seemed to be pains and disorientation in the mind even though there seemed to be fear and things I didn't understand what was happening because trust is you trusting it seems like you're going into the unknown so you're trusting to go in because you just don't know but really the truth is you're remembering the known reality is already known you already know it to remember it you must know it so what I realized was that I started feeling happy and then when these seeming bad emotions or thoughts that I was trying to get rid of because that was the thing I was trying to get rid of them so I could feel holy I was only perpetuating it by doing that I wasn't trusting that the Holy Spirit would give it to me in a more obvious clear way and I would see it when I'm ready to see it I don't dig for it it's a shared communication with the Holy Spirit and you just had to be about your prompts and that's why purpose is so important in the dream because you're just about the Holy Spirit's purpose and the purpose is just basically an attention to wake up at a rate that is gentle the symbols will show up to reflect that intention so you wanted to go deeper so you called forth the teach only love sanctuary you called forth me and Carrie and I and awareness and David and Kirsten you called forth us as symbols of that intention so now we're just like a an aspect of your mind that's showing up showing you what you believe what you desire so it just gives you a context so that purpose those symbols are a context for you to now reference from where before you only had a reference of the world the world's purpose which was painful and you're going into a new one but you're afraid because you don't know and I'm carrying those old habits those habits I've got to force it, do it, make it happen like I talk to people on the phone and I feel guilty because I'm not mind watching or something and yet it's like this continual no matter what I do I feel guilty because so then it's the attraction to guilt and it's just ego breaking everything up into levels again making it seem real I shouldn't be talking on the phone you would only know, like I said to you before ask yourself what is my motive for this what is this for why am I doing this do I feel called to make this call right now or am I calling because I'm bored am I calling because I'm afraid to be quiet that is mind watching so instead of going in and digging in your mind do you see what I'm saying it's already given to you all you gotta do is ask what is it for you do something what is this for you will feel it you'd be very honest and honest with yourself and just allow it to come up why do I feel right now because right now you feel so it is given you don't have to dig it's obvious what I feel you don't have to dig I feel bored there it is I feel bored I'm afraid I'm afraid of being quiet I need to do something I'm afraid of stillness you see and that can be helpful throughout the day that's the one question you should always ask yourself in every single moment it will direct you that will direct you I have to watch each situation because I can't look back right now I also have to watch it's okay we don't have to look back just do your lessons and then throughout the day there's never a reason to feel guilty that's just the ego the ego is guilt you're a guiltless learner so if you are on the phone and even if you get off the phone and go I'm doing this because I'm bored or I'm just alone and I don't want to be alone with my thoughts right now so you see how all that's profitable all that's very profitable it's only profitable when you see it what it's not seen is guilt and if I come off with a thought wow I'm really grateful that I can share and that's a joyful thought not necessarily joy comes from the decision of the Holy Spirit from seeing that everything works together for good and it's being humble humbleness is the ingredient in a guiltless learner you're humble okay I do believe I created a world I didn't create it it was made what was made has nothing to do with reality it didn't change it everything that I see is backwards and upside down it's an error I believe in a hierarchy of illusions in my mind therefore I have to be in purpose to allow the Holy Spirit to loosen this hierarchy and I think I am the author of reality and I'm addicted to the ego I'm addicted to listening to the ego I need to be convinced otherwise through prompts of the spirit so I can learn to be convinced by the miracle that reality or truth is the truth that only the truth is true I need to be convinced you see so listening to the prompts and looking at everything in a profitable sense from the atonement