 Mother, are post-40% bran flakes really the best tasting cereal of them all? Well, your father says so, and father knows best. Best transcribed in Hollywood starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by America's largest-selling bran flakes. Post-40% bran flakes, and by Instant Postum, the good-tasting drink that's entirely caffeine-free. Long-sighted the house is the greatest factor in shaping a child's character, and certainly the home frequently referred to as the White Frame House on Maple Street has had a helpful, beneficial effect on the characters of the Anderson children. In fact, the Springfield Parents' Organization is so well aware of this that they have selected Margaret Anderson as the model mother of the current season and her home, the ideal home. Now, it would seem that nothing upsetting could result from such a happy, tranquil honor. But when the Anderson's are involved, strange complications can result from innocent little beginnings, like this. Jim, would you mind moving to another chair? I'm trying to vacuum in here. What did you say? I said take your newspaper and move. I just moved. You've been shuttling me from chair to chair like a sack of old rags. What did you say? I said I'm trying to read the paper and I... Wait a minute. Now then, what were you mumbling about? Mumbling. I don't know why you have to read right where I'm trying to vacuum. Well, I don't know why you have to vacuum at all on Saturday afternoon. You've got all week to do that. Well, this is a special occasion. I don't know whether you know it or not, but the Springfield Parents' Association has selected us as the ideal home. This is the ideal home? Yes. And because of that, I'm expecting Mrs. J. Suzanne Laszlo here this afternoon. And who, pray tell, is Mrs. J. Suzanne Laszlo? She happens to be an editor on a magazine. And she's writing an article on the home being a builder of character. Well, she's coming to the right place. We're building some real characters around here. She'll probably take lots of notes and observe the family. Well, if there was ever a family that ought to be under observation, this is it. Yes. Well, anyway, I want the place to look decent. So could you please take your newspaper someplace else? I guess so. The trouble with these ideal homes is that you can't sit down in them. Mother! May I go in the den, or will Miss Lancelot be observing in there, too? Mrs. Laszlo, dear. The mother! Yes, Betty. Mother, our journalism class... Oh, hello, Father. Hello, Princess. Our journalism class has found the most perfect place for an office. It's right downtown and we can cover the regular news beats like the real paper does and then put out a paper of our own. Isn't that just too utterly? I guess so. All we have to do is clean the place out and the school will put in some typewriters and a makeup desk and all that. Where is this place? Well, you know that little building right around the corner from the drugstore. You don't mean the old pool hall, do you? Well, it's not the pool hall anymore. It used to be the Green Tiger, but they moved out and the place is empty. Oh, I see. Ah, education is a wonderful thing. My daughter's only a sophomore and already she's working in a pool hall. It does sound kind of funny, doesn't it? Well, just be careful you don't get yourself behind the eight ball. Uh, Betty, I wonder if you could help me for a few minutes. Oh, I can't now, Mother. I really have to get down there and help them clean out the pool hall. Uh, couldn't you refer to that as something beside the pool hall? Well, Betty, I really need some help. It won't take long. Well, I really should be going here. You finish vacuuming. While I go in the kitchen and get some furniture polished. No, all right. Will the noise bother you, Father? If it does, I'll be glad to postpone this. No, it won't bother me. I'm going in the den. And shut the door. Mommy! Mother's in the kitchen. Hey, Betty, look what I got. What did you say? I said, look what I got. Wait a minute. Now then, what did you say, Shrimp Boat? Look what I got. Well, what in the world are you doing with those smelly old pipes? They're for Tabby. Tabby who? I don't think he's got a last name. Well, can't he buy his own pipes? Of course not. He's a cat. A cat? Sure. And he's just had kittens. He's just had kittens? Where did the pipes come in? Well, Patty Davis and I couldn't find any cigars. So we got these pipes to hand out for him. Look, half pint, there's a few things you've got mixed up there. In the first place, you're wrong about Tabby. I am not. He had kittens and they look just like him. In the second place, cats don't give out cigars. Just people do. I don't care. And in the third place, you should be throwing good money away on such silly ideas. We didn't throw money away. Well, where'd you get the pipes then? They're brand new. We, well, Patty sort of borrowed them from her daddy. Oh, I see. Kathy, don't you know that's practically the same as stealing? It is not. It's for good cars. That doesn't make any difference. You better take those back. Here comes Mother. You better not let her find out what you've done. What will I do? Hide them? We'll take them back to Mr. Davis. I'll hide them now and take them back as soon as I get a chance to. Patty, are you finished with the vacuum cleaner? Yes, I think so. Then put it away and there's a few dishes you can do up while I do the furniture. All right. But when I get that done, can I go down and help fix up our newspaper office? Yes, I guess so. Oh, hello, Angel. I didn't see you standing over there. Where have you been? All around. Kathy, is anything wrong? Uh-uh. Well, you have a very peculiar look on your face. I just have a peculiar face. You do with that dirt on it. You run upstairs and wash and put on a different dress. Ah, gee, do I have to? Yes. There's a lady coming here pretty soon and it's fairly important that you children make a good impression on her. Who is she? Oh, just a lady from the Parents Association. Now, you hurry upstairs. Uh, uh, I think I have to run over to Patty Davis' house for a minute. Not now, you don't. Now, you get upstairs like a good girl. Come on, hurry. All right. Ah, let's see now. Oh, yes, the furniture. Oh, for goodness sake, what's this? Jim! Jim! Did you call me? Yes. Did you put these old pipes under this chair? Now, why would I put pipes under a chair? Oh, that's just what I was wondering. There's three or four under here. There are? Let's see them. Are they yours? No, not mine. Well, how do you suppose they got there? I don't know. Jim, do you suppose Bud brought them in? Oh, I don't think so. Well, it certainly couldn't be the girls. No, but Bud, let's face it, he's a little young for a pipe. Yes, but you know how boys are. Well, I'll say one thing for him, he's got good taste. These are imported briars. Jim, this is no joking matter. We can't have Bud smoking at his age. Well, don't worry. What are we going to do? That's very simple. We'll do the same thing my dad did with me when I was a kid. I don't think that'll work. Well, you don't know what it is yet. What did he do? He simply called me into the parlor and handed me a pipe and invited me to light up and join him in a smoke. What happened? I decided not to smoke a pipe until I was a little older. Well, I don't know. Just leave it to me, honey. As soon as he comes in, send him into the den. Well, if you think it'll work. I'm positive. Hand me the pipes. I'll put them in the den and when he comes in, I'll give him the full treatment. Mommy! Yes? Is this house now? I'm all clean. Well, not just yet. I want you to run out and find Bud and send him in here. Oh, creepers. I have to do everything. This will take just a second. Tell him his father wants to have a talk with him. I don't know where he is. I think he's out in the backyard someplace. He and Joe Phillips. Please hurry now. Okay. And don't stomp your feet like that. That's natural. Hi, Squirt. Have you taken those pipes back to Mr. Davis yet? Not yet. I can't get them out of the living room. Then you better take them back. I'm going to. You don't have to keep telling me. Come on, Kathy, give me a hand on these dishes. Nothing doing. I've got problems. Yeah, but I've got to get down there and help sweep out that pool hall. After all, I'm society editor on the paper. Oh, I'll bet that's them calling now, wondering why I'm not down there. Oh, yes, she's here. It's for you, Kathy. Me? Deepers. What's the matter? Patty says her daddy... If you work on the dishes, I'll go in the living room and see if I can sneak them out of there. Okay. They're under the big chair. I know. What's Mom want to see me about? It's Daddy that wants to see you. What took you so long? Joe and I were pitching horseshoes back in the garage, and I had to finish the game. What's Dad want to see me about? He wants to have a talk with you. Uh-oh. What have I done now? I don't know, but you'll probably catch it for something. What? Yes, Dad. Coming to Dad. Okay, Dad. Wish I knew what it was, so I could think up some alibis. But you better hurry in there. Dad's calling you. I can hear him. Kathy, did you move those pipes? No. Why? Well, they're gone. What? Mother's upstairs dressing, so I had a chance to look, and they're not there. They've got it. Careful. Mother's probably finished dressing by now, and she'll be down here any minute. I don't care. I've got to find them. Move the chair. Maybe you hid them someplace else. No, I remember exactly where I... Girls. Girls, don't tear up everything. I just got this living room straightened out. Are you looking for something? I think so. Well, if you are, let it wait until after... Oh, there's Mrs. Laszlo stopping out in front. Now, remember, girls, I want you to be perfect little ladies. But, Mother... I want you to help me prove that this is really an ideal home. Some of the things due to begin popping at the Anderson's will make you wonder about that. But there's no question that the ideal mother gives lots of thought to her family's breakfast. And here's food for thought to all you mothers. You probably know that brand is good for you and your family, because it contains important keep regular benefits. Maybe you've tried it for breakfast, but found that you weren't too keen about the taste. Well, things are different now because something wonderful has happened to brand. The post-serials people have given post-40% brand flakes a wonderful new flavor, a magic oven flavor, and new crisp texture that's really delicious. And that's not just my opinion. Many people who have tried the new post-40% brand flakes say that they like it better than any other cereal. Now you can serve new post-brand flakes with its ounce of prevention, its important keep regular benefits, and know that the whole family will get these vital extras in a cereal they'll enjoy eating. So why don't you begin serving post-40% brand flakes in your home regularly? For goodness' sake, eat post-brand flakes. So good and so good for you. When you shop this weekend, buy new post-40% brand flakes. They're America's largest selling brand flakes. They're good and so good for you. The White Frame House on Maple Street, which has been designated as the ideal home and is about to be observed by one Mrs. Laszlo of the Parents Association, is at the moment resting on fairly shaky foundation. However, no one is quite aware of this as Margaret plunges into her interview with Mrs. Laszlo in the living room. While this is going on, another type of interview is about to take place in the dental. Sounds pretty complicated, doesn't it? Well, let's concentrate on Jim as he begins his fatherly discussion with Bud. Like this. Sit down, Bud. Relax. You don't have to stand there at attention. Well, what did I do? I didn't say you did anything. I just wanted you to sit down and have a friendly man-to-man talk. Uh-oh. Well, come on. Sit down. Well... Well, okay. Ah, that's better. Well, Bud, um... old man, how's everything going at school? Dad, whatever it is, I didn't do it. I don't think. Bud, I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to have a chat with you. Thought we ought to get, uh, better acquainted. But, Dad, I've known you all my life. No, Bud. I mean, get in the habit of telling each other things. Not feeling that you have to sneak out back of the garage to, uh... We didn't sneak back there. Oh, you were back there then? Uh-huh. Joe and I were pitching horseshoes. Is that what you call it now? Pitching horseshoes? I guess so. But, uh, what I'm trying to tell you is that if you want to pitch horseshoes, uh, do it right here in the house. In the house? Certainly. I'm pretty open-minded about these things. Oh, gosh. We'd wreck the place. How violently do you react to this, anyway? Can't you just sit down and do it like a gentleman? Oh, gosh, no. I have to stand up and swing my arms. Might be a good idea at that. Here, bud. Oh, man. Try a pipe full of my tobacco. Huh? Go on. Light up. Huh? Watch the matter. Don't you recognize a pipe when you see one? Well, yeah, sure. But, holy cow. Go on. Take it. And light up. Dad, do you feel all right? Certainly. I feel fine. I just thought it was high time you and I were sitting down and having a nice, friendly smoke together. Uh, pitching a few horseshoes together. Dad, are you sure you feel all right? Never felt better. Here, hold it steady. I'll light it for you. Dad. Hold it steady. Dad, I don't know how to smoke. Oh? Well, it's not too difficult to pick up again. Ouch! That match burned my finger. Then we'll try it again now. First you've got to hold the pipe firmly in your teeth. Like this? Yes. Go ahead. Well, okay. Ugh! Ugh! Well, don't bite it in half. You're not even eating a peppermint stick. Just hold it in your teeth. Dad. Ah, now it's gone out. Here, let's light it again. Dad, I think I better go wash dishes or something. No, don't leave now. I've got five pounds of tobacco here. Five pounds? Sure. Now sit back and puff your cares away. Well, what'll we talk about now? Philosophy, politics, football? Dad. Take a deep drag, son. Smell that wonderful aroma. Ugh! Ugh! Good, isn't it? Dad. Do you have your fountain pen with you? Mrs. Laszlo can't seem to find hers. Yes, it's in my inside coat pocket and my coat is over... Oh, look, look at mine, Mrs. Anderson. I found mine. It was in my... Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean to intrude. That's perfectly all right. Oh, Mrs. Laszlo, this is Mr. Anderson. How do you do? Well, I'm very happy to know you, Mr. Anderson. And I imagine this is your fine young son. Well, isn't he, uh, a trifle young to be smoking? Well, uh... You see, Mrs. Laszlo, my husband, that is his father. It's a little hard to explain. Yes. Oh, well, what she's trying to say, Mrs. Laszlo, is that when I was a boy, my father gave me a pipe and... Well, it hardly seems like the sort of family custom that should be carried on. Well, what I mean is... Mommy, but that's my pipe. What world are you saying? That's one of my pipes. But stole them from me. I did not. Dad did. In a minute. Kathy, what is this all about? Why, those pipes can't possibly be yours. Well, they're not exactly mine. Patty and me took them. Mr. Davis found out about it, and I've got to get them back. Oh, dear. Kathy, darling, what are you talking about? Yes, just what is this about taking Mr. Davis's pipes? You see, when Betty told me it was just the same as stealing, why, then I... Excuse me, Mother, but I have all the work done now, so I'm leaving. Is that all right? I guess so, Betty, but... Well, there are a couple of matters we're trying to clear up. If you just wait a second. Well, I'm late now, Mother. If you want me, I'll be down at the pool hall. At the porch? Did you say pool hall? Yes, Mrs. Laszlo, the pool hall. Remember? It used to be the Green Tiger. Mrs. Laszlo, I don't think you quite know what my daughter means. Well, I'm afraid I do. I've heard of the Green Tiger. No, you see, she's just going to sweep out down there. Sweep out? No, no, no. You see... Well, what Father means, Mrs. Laszlo, is that a group of us are going down there to clean it out. Oh, to clean it out? Yes. Oh, I see. Well, that's different. I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I hope you're successful. I wish there were more groups like yours to stamp out such places. I don't think you quite understand. Yes, she does, Betty. Your group is doing a grand job. Now go and do it. Go. Yes, Father. Goodbye, Mother. Yes, goodbye. Glad to have met you, Mrs. Laszlo. Well, I'm certainly glad to have met you too. Goodbye. Now then, Cathy. Let's have a full explanation. Dad. What is it, bud? What'll I do with this incinerator? Well, I'll take it, son. Let's face it, Dad. I'm just not a good smoker. Even if it was your idea. Oh, this was your idea, Mr. Anderson. Well, yes. You see... Well, actually, I was under the impression that our son was smuggling pipes into the house. But now I find out to... Daddy. I've just got to get those pipes back to Mr. Davis. Yes. Well, here they are. Dad, I think... Don't worry, bud. Don't rush off. Cathy, why did you want them in the first place? Yes. What were you thinking of, Cathy? Well, you see, we weren't getting them for us. We were getting them for old Tabby. Because he couldn't afford to get any cigars for himself. Just a minute. Just a minute. Who is this Tabby? You've seen him around the neighborhood. He has a black patch over one eye. I feel sorry for him. Oh, just where does he live, Cathy? Well, he... Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Anderson, but my time is growing short, and I really should be leaving. Oh, but Mrs. Lazar... I wonder if you'd mind stepping into the other room for a moment. I have something I'd like to say to you. Well, yes, I guess so. You go in the living room. I'll be right in. Yes. All right. Oh, Margaret, I'm really sorry all this happened. I had no idea how things were going to turn out. It's all right. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault, really. Would it help any if I went out and talked to her? No, it's too late now. We've all talked too much, I'm afraid. Dan... I'm awfully sorry, Margaret. It's all right. I don't think I want to be written up in a magazine anyway. Just be embarrassing. Dad... Well, I guess I'd better go out there. Dad... Yes? I don't feel so hot. Me either. But not from smoking. Mrs. Lazar, I'm sorry about everything. Oh, there's nothing to be sorry about, but I do have to run. Now, as far as the interview, I think I have all the information I need. I'm sure you have. To be perfectly frank, I questioned the ability of any organization to go out and pick an ideal family. Right on the face of it, it seemed an impossible thing to do. Yes. But now I can see why they chose your family, Mrs. Anderson. What did you say? Well, everywhere I turn here, I see glowing evidences of the wonderful principles you and Mr. Anderson as parents are instilling in your children. I don't quite follow you. Well, take your eldest daughter, for example. I've never seen such a fine, crusading spirit in so young a girl. Mrs. Anderson, you should be very proud of her. Oh, we are. We are. And your son. So manfully resisting temptations thrown in his path. Your husband's a wise parent, indeed, to follow such a course, coping with juvenile problems before they arise. It's things like this that build strength into a boy's character. Oh, yes. Yes, where we're both firm believers in that. And your sweet little one. Obviously, she's too young to realize that some of her methods are in error. But what a sweet charitable nature she displayed in wanting to furnish a pipe for that old gentleman who couldn't afford one himself. That, uh, that Mr. Tabby. Oh, yes. Yes, she's quite generous. Mrs. Anderson, over and above my position with the magazine, may I congratulate you? Congratulate me? Yes, you do indeed have an ideal home. Now, before we return to Springfield's ideal home, a word from Ed Prentice about your home. Well, friends, if your home is anything like the Anderson's, like Jim and Margaret and the kids really enjoy things together, chances are you always have a jar of good-tasting post-em handy. Because post-em is the completely caffeine-free drink that's safe for the whole family to enjoy, as often as you want. Mealtimes, between times, anytime. Yes, post-em contains no caffeine at all, nothing to upset your nerves or spoil your sleep. And does post-em taste good? Well, just you try it. You and the whole family will agree. Post-em belongs whenever you get together. That's instant post-em, made instantly in your cup. Mrs. J. Suzanne Laszlo has arrived and gone. And Margaret, Springfield's ideal mother, is still pretty bewildered by the sudden and completely unexpected turn of events. She walks slowly back to the den, where the rest of her family are solemnly waiting to hear the report of her demotion. Like this. Hi, Mom. Has she gone, Margaret? Yes. You know, I didn't care much for her looks the moment I laid eyes on her. Oh, no, she's real nice, dear. In fact, she's very, very nice. Oh, you don't have to defend her, Margaret. It's just like you to do it, though. No, really, Jim, I... You understand, honey. Go on, Dad. Tell her the... you know. Yeah, tell her, Daddy. Tell me what? Well, Mrs. Anderson, we, uh... That is the family here. We formed a little committee while you were out. Oh? And our committee, after completing an exhaustive research and after due deliberations, voted unanimously to issue this proclamation. Yeah. Mrs. Anderson, it has been unconditionally resolved that irrespective of the findings of one Mrs. J. Suzanne Laszlo, we hereby select you officially as the best mother in the whole world. And we'll be back with Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson. Until then, good night and good luck. From the makers of post 40% brand plates, America's largest selling brand plates, an instant postum, the drink that's entirely caffeine-free. In our cast were Helen Storm as Kathy, Dorothy Lovett, Mary Lee Robb, Ted Donaldson, and Paula Winslow. It comes in a red, white, and blue box. What is it? Hot post wheat meal. 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