 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, why men's second guess relationships or commitment, why men's second guess commitment. I don't know why the two of them. Anyway, really quickly, if this content resonates with you and you've been thinking about working with a coach, please check out the link to schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, our topic, why men's second guess, second guess commitment. So when I began preparing for this video, I was thinking about when I got married and for those that don't know my story, I was raised middle-class, average home in the suburb area of Los Angeles and my programming was very simple. I was told to, from my parents is after high school, go to college, go to college, go to college. I mean, it was like drilled into me. I'm a tail end of a baby boomer right on the Gen X cusp. After college, I was supposed to get a job, get a job, get a job and after getting a job, it was meet a girl, meet a girl, meet a girl or a woman, I should say. And after meeting a woman is getting married, getting married, getting married and then buying a house and starting a family. That was my programming. So when I was in my 20s actively dating, I was on the hunt for a wife. I was literally going, okay, I want a wife and all my friends were kind of on the hunt for a wife. I wanna say this was subconscious. It wasn't so much in my consciousness but there was some level of like, I had my deal breakers, I wanted someone who was college educated, I want someone who grew up in a good home. I mean, those were like my, someone I was highly attracted to. So, and then eventually I met a woman who fit that description. And we got engaged in nine months and got married a year thereafter. I was very much on purpose, okay? And all my friends were getting married at the same time. I was following that blueprint. And while that certainly shift for those that are millennials now and Gen Zs and whatnot because they didn't have that programming, that was in my programming. Although my demographic here for those watching is midlife. That's after baby making years and before retirement. So, here's the interesting thing about those that are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Roughly 75% of people who are actively dating who over 45 years old are divorced, okay? That's a big percentage of the population is divorced. And with divorce comes a lot of nuances because you're literally unraveling the tapestry of a commingled life and then you have to kind of figure out what your life is on your own. And so, now let me get to the point of second guessing because what happens with many men, and this is women as well, they're not on the hunt for a spouse. They're not in that consciousness. I wanna find a wife who rate to raise my children. We are no longer in that mode. So now we're dating in many cases without a purpose, without direction, without any intentionality as to what we want in our lives other than maybe companionship, connection, and sex, right? Commandionship, connection, and sex. And this is one of the, in fact, if you're not familiar with the work of Esther Perrell, she talks about the most significant type of relationships today are called stable ambiguity. Basically, stable ambiguity is your basic needs for being met. Just your bare minimum needs to be in relationship without any real full commitment. And the reason why this happens is because most of the time people enter in relationships with other human beings and there's a tremendous amount of doubt. Bum, bum, bum, doubt. There's a doubt. Is this the right person for me? Are we a good fit? I mean, there's this constant doubt because what typically is happening is as we age, our childhood wounds and traumas that have been unhealed, as well as our adult traumas, which is oftentimes that divorce that broke something apart that's been unhealed creates a level of uncertainty as to what someone wants in relationships. So now, if you're uncertain with what you want and now you're in relationship with someone and there's some good things about it and there's some not so good things about it, doubt is the constant noise, I say noise going on in one's head that makes it very difficult for them to commit. Doubt is why we second guess. This is one of the reasons why if you follow my work I highly recommend reading the books I recommend. This is one book I highly recommend by Barbara DeAngeles called How to Make Love All the Time. How to Make Love All the Time. This is a great book to help eliminate the doubt within you and when you understand how to eliminate doubt within yourself, you actually become a, you can lead by example by relieving the doubt in another human being by literally leading by example. And I'm not giving you all the techniques in this book. You're gonna have to buy it. You're gonna have to buy it and read it for yourself. Getting How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngeles. Oftentimes men are struggling on the inside just like women of not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable, not feeling likable. This is why I'm always talking about my book What the Heck is Self Love Anyway by Jonathan Asley. See, there's a picture of it in the back. There's a link below in the description to check out my book What the Heck is Self Love Anyway. But this really allows a human being to get into their sovereignty to their place of self worth, self confidence and self esteem. So they're not lacking this doubt in relationship and ladies, if you're experiencing doubt that I can promise you he's experiencing doubt. So when you reach a level of knowing how to be in a healthy happy relationship with yourself and you've learned the great techniques like from Barbara DeAngeles, then you can lead by example. Be the inspiration of what a healthy happy relationship looks like by being one within yourself. Yeah, lead by example. It's not about leaning back, it's about leaning in. Lead by example. Because that's all men just need a little bit of training. That's all, they just need a little bit of inspiration to actually eliminate that doubt. And that's my invitation for you. Give that a try and let me know. But they second guess, they second guess relationships because of this reason, doubt. And that doubt is usually because we're not clear on who we are and what we want in relationship. All right. Hope you found value in this video. Please post a comment below. If you have any questions, please post a question. I read every single one. I do my best to respond. Again, if you're interested in coaching but can't afford it, check out the link to my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery if the link is in the description. Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye-bye now.