 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky Strike and Lucky Strike alone offers you important evidence gathered in the tobacco country by the world-famous Crossley Pole. This evidence reveals the smoking preference of auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen. The men who really know tobacco. Here's what the Crossley Pole found. For their own personal smoking enjoyment, independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. These experts know their business. Their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike, we believe, has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Lucky's. And to the real, deep-down smoking enjoyment you may expect from fine tobacco. And when these veteran tobacco experts name Lucky Strike First Choice for their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you know L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And in a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike. Remember, independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. Sarring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, as there are only eight more programs left in the current Lucky Strike series, at this time I would like to pay tribute to a man who for the past 30 weeks has brought joy and happiness into millions of American homes. Don't forget the 569,000 trailers. A man whose wit, charm, and personality have endeared him to the hearts of his public. Keep going, Don. We have a half hour. A man who is loved, admired, and respected by every member of his cast. How true. A man who every year at this time picks up our options, Jack Benny. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, since you brought the matter up, I suppose you received the contract I mailed you for next season. Yes, I did, Jack. And I'm not quite satisfied with some of the clauses. After serving you faithfully for 14 years, I'm surprised that you had the effrantery to present me with a contract that was not only insulting, but relegates me to a position that no self-respecting man would accept. Well, and just what is your complaint, Mr. Wilson? Well, here's the situation, Jack. Now, you get a lot of laughs at the expense of my being fat. And this year, my weekly salary has been at the rate of $2 a pound. So I think it's only fair that next year I get $3 a pound. Three bucks a pound. Don, I wouldn't give you $3 a pound if all your fat was trimmed off and you were hanging on a hook. Anyway, the raise I offered you is as high as I can go. Now, what do you say? I can't sign the contract now, Jack. I'll have to talk it over with the little woman. Oh, you and the little woman. Haven't you got a mind of your own? Yes, but I respect my wife's opinion. I'm very devoted to her. I see. After all, I'm at home with her every day except Sunday. Well, I can fix that, too. Now, look, Don, I've been very fair about this whole thing. And I... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Oh, Don isn't satisfied with his new contract for next season. He isn't? No. Oh, my goodness. And after all you've done for him. Well, that's the way it goes, Mary. There isn't much gratitude in this business. Why, Don Wilson, you ought to be... Never mind, Mary. Thanks just the same. By the way, have you read your new contract? Yeah. What are you trying to do? Bring back slavery? Of course. I'm going to have trouble with you, too. What's wrong with your contract? I don't like Clause 7. Clause 7? Oh, Mary. Mary, I mean, it only happens once or twice a year. I don't care. If you buy a turkey, kill it yourself. Mary, can I help it if I'm sentimental? You're not sentimental. When you pay for a whole turkey, you hate to chop anything off. Oh, stop. Sanimental. You even use the head for badminton. I stopped doing that. I mean, I couldn't stand the way it came over the net staring at me. Mary, you've got a lot of nerve complaining about your contract. After all... Hiya, Jackson. Hiya, Don. Hello, Livy. Phil, it's about time you got here. What made you so late? It ain't my fault, Jackson. I had plenty of time to get here, but just I left the house. Alice fainted. Oh, my goodness. That must have scared you to death. Yeah, it happens every time I kiss her goodbye. Oh, brother. That's what she said as she hit the floor. Phil, Phil, do you really have that effect on Alice? Jackson, she won't even let me shave with a mirror. She don't want my love divided. Well, if I paid you by the pound, your head would rule me. You know? Now, look, just pick up your baton and let's have a bad one. Hold on a minute. Nah, you don't, Jackson. I ain't making with no downbeat till I talk to you about that new contract you sent me. My lawyers don't like it. Your lawyers? Who are they? Kerchy, Bagby, Fletcher, and Fink. Well, Phil, just what is it you and your lawyers object to in the contract? We don't like the clause that says I got to get to bed on Saturday night before 3 a.m. Well, it's for your own good, Phil. After all you have a program to do on Sunday, I want you to look bright and fresh. I know, but if I lose that red glow in my eyes, I ain't got no personality. Phil, I've been playing badminton with a turkey head for two years, and it looks better than you do. Anyway, I'll talk to your lawyers about your contract later. But right now, let's have a band number. Okay, Jackson, what would you like to hear? Henry Bussey, but I'm stuck with you. Mr. Kitzel, it's certainly nice to see you. I'm sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you could spare our ticket to your next week's broadcast for my uncle who's visiting me from the east. Oh, you have an uncle visiting you, eh? Uh-huh. What part of the, uh... What part of the east is he from? Pomona. Well, anyway, Mr. Kitzel, I'll be very glad to give your uncle a ticket. You have wonderful, boy. You know for this, he'll give you a box of oranges. He owns an orange grove. An orange grove? Oh, of course. Pomona is in the citrus belt. Suspenders during the drought, they lost his pants. Oh, well, that's too bad, huh? Thank you. Anyway, Mr. Benny, I hope my wife will have better luck. Your wife? Yeah, she's opening a restaurant on Oliveira Street called Mama Kitzel's Adobe Hacienda. But Mr. Kitzel, that's Spanish. Can your wife cook Spanish food? Whoo-hoo-hoo! She specializes in tamales with sour cream and shellakis with chopped lever. Chili, corn, beef, and Spanish smorgasbord. Spanish smorgasbord, what's that? A herring that's taking our C.S. down top of a slice of onion. Well, that sounds novel, huh? And the tortillas, you'll be crazy about it. The tortillas? Yeah, that's a crepe suzerbe that shouldn't happen to a dog. Well, Mr. Kitzel, let me know when you open your restaurant. I'll come down and visit you. Buenos dias, señor. Goodbye. What did I say? I don't know. I think Kitzel's Adobe Hacienda. That's a cute name. All right, Phil, let's have the number. Gene Rummy's full of gin. Dennis, I don't know, but I hope he gets here pretty soon. I want to talk to him about his new contract for next year. A new contract for Dennis? Yeah. I thought you had him signed up till next Haley's Comet. Well, it's the same contract, Mary, but I added a new clause. Hey, Liv, you should have seen the clause Jackson tried to get into my contract. Never mind. What was it, Phil? If I ever find a dime before I can spend it, I gotta call Jackson and find out if he lost one. Well, I did that for a gag. Where's your sense of humor? I mean, just because... Hey, maybe that's Dennis. I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennett. This is Rochester. Hello, Rochester. What do you want? I've been listening to the program, boss. And it occurred to me we haven't discussed my contract yet. Well, Rochester, you've been working in my house for 10 years, and I feel there's no necessity for a written contract. Everything is perfectly clear. We have what is known as a verbal agreement. Uh-huh. That means we have a mutual understanding. Why put things on paper? The amount of money involved is too small. That's what I mean. Let's get it up. You'll be taken care of. And believe me, Rochester, there's no necessity for a written contract. But my attorneys advised it. Whereas and to with. Your attorneys, who are they? Remus, Beemas, Sugarfoot and Smythe. Well, tell Remus, Beemas, Sugarfoot and Smythe to get in touch with Kershi, Bagby, Fletcher and Fink. Let them handle it. It's the same farm they got a branch on Central Avenue. Rochester, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm giving you a substantial raise next year. Substantial? Yeah, you know what the word means, don't you? I ain't a little bit. I'm skeptical. Well, you're getting it, so don't let it bother you. I'll see you later. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Are you still going to have company for dinner tomorrow night? Oh, yes. I'm glad you reminded me. You better run down to the store and get a leg of lamb. A leg of lamb? Why don't you get a turkey? Why? After dinner, they may want to play badminton. No, just get a leg of lamb and a small squab. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now, let's see. Where were we? Oh, Don, Don. Yes, Jack. I think right now would be a good time for a commercial. But Jack, the quartet isn't there. How are we going to get laughs? Well, it's simple. Remember a few weeks ago when you did the commercial wearing that old straw hat? People loved it. I know, Jack, but we don't want to do that again. We don't have to, Don. The idea is to give the people something different. What do you mean? Now, look, at every announcer and radio, Regis Commercial standing up at the microphone. Well, how else can you do it? You can lie down. What? Go ahead, Don. Lie down on the floor. I'll bet you the audience will be crazy about it. Oh, but Jack, I think it's silly to do a commercial lying down on the floor. But it's different, Don. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Lie down. Oh, OK. But do it gently now. You know, we don't want to... We don't want to disturb... We don't want to disturb the seismograph at Berkeley, you see? Now, um... Now, Don, I'll hold the microphone down to your face. Lucky strike means fire and tobacco, yeah? That's the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke tobacco, I think. So loud, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Don, talk louder. The radio waves aren't getting over your stomach. I've been smoking lucky strikes for now to 25 years. Hey, folks, wasn't that clever? You see, Don, you did get laughs. And I got a Lulu for next week. You're going to read the commercial with your head sticking out of a cement mixer. Don, we're doing that classy commercial. A note came for you. A note? Who's it from? Dennis Day. From Dennis, what does it say? It says, dear Mr. Benny, my mother won't let me be on the program until she talks to you about my new contract. Your loyal subject, Dennis Day. Well, how do you like that? Oh, wait a minute, Jack. There's more. More? Yeah. P.S. Well, let me know as soon as possible as a good humor man is waiting. I imagine Dennis not showing up. He's supposed to sing. What are we going to do for a song, Don? I mean, my contract with Lucky Strike says I've got to have a song every week. Oh, Jack, I've got an idea. What is it, Don? Well, Frank Sinatra's rehearsing a special broadcast in Studio B, and maybe he'll come over and help you out. Sinatra? Yeah. Say, that would be great. Oh, Mary, will you please go over to Studio B and have Sinatra's there? Ask him if he'll come over, will you? Will I? I'll be glad to. Gee, am I excited? I better see if my stockings are straight. Or maybe Franky'd like it better if I'd roll him down. That'll do it. Let's see. Studio B is at the other end of the hall. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. No, that's Jack's tune. He's liable to sue me. Gosh, I bet millions of girls all over the country would love to be in my place right now. Going to see Frank Sinatra. But I don't feel any different. Hasn't this lightest effect on me at all? Steady, girl. Steady. Well, here goes. All right, fellas, let's rehearse but beautiful once more, huh? It's a good thing of his tearful. It's a problem. It's a harder... Sing you again. Nice seeing you. Gee, you sure look gorgeous today, Mary. I'm a steady girl, steady. Frank, I came to ask you to step over to our studio. Jack would like to see you. Well, that's a coincidence. I was just going over to see him myself. I'm a little peeved at him. He's ruining my singing on the hit parade. Oh, I don't understand. How can Jack hurt your singing? I can't hit those high notes anymore. He puts too much starch in my collars. Well, that's Rochester's fault. Jack especially is rough dry. Well, that isn't my only complaint, Mary. Yesterday, my bundle of laundry came back and two of my handkerchiefs were missing. And they were the handkerchiefs that Crosby gave me for my birthday. Well, how do you know they were the handkerchiefs Bing gave you? They had chloroform on them. Jack doesn't want to see you about the laundry. He'd like to have you sing a song on his program. Today? Yes, right now. Well, okay, come on, let's go over and have a talk with him. Where's Jack broadcasting from, Mary? Right here in Studio C. Let's go in. Okay, wait a second, Mary. I'll open the door for you. Thanks, Mary. I kill turkeys, too. Well, he thinks he's that funny. He's got... Oh, hello, Frankie. Hi, Jack, do you want to see me? Yes, yes, come right in. By the way, you know my gang, don't you? Sure. Where's Don Wilson? Any place you'll look. Hey, Don, here's Frank Sinatra. Well, hello, Frankie. Holy smoke, I'm surrounded. Yeah, there's quite a difference in your size. Oh, I got a goose pimple bigger than him. Now, lie down, please. Now, Frank... Frank, I'll get right to the point. You see, Dennis couldn't be here today, so I'd like to have you sing a song on my program. Well, I don't know. It's strictly business, Frank. I mean, I intend to pay you. You're gonna pay? Certainly. Frank, what are you doing? I'm calling RKO. This is another miracle of the bells. Well, you can hang up and we'll talk business. Now, how much would you want to sing just one song? $5,000. Doesn't he fall down? I know he fainted. $5,000. You sing both the verse and the chorus of a song, don't you? Uh-huh. Now, look, Frank, most people don't know the verse anyway. Now, what would you charge? What would you charge for just the chorus? $3,000. Well, you know, we wouldn't need a whole chorus. I would want to be cut off the air again. Now, how much, Frankie, how much would you charge me for? Say, 16 bars. $1,500. Yeah, that's almost $100 a bar. Can't you give me something a little less expensive? Well, for $10, I can blow my nose and see sharp. That might help you out a bit. No, Frankie, I know you're short. Two Hank achieves. You know me? Now, look, Jack, what's the use of dickering? My price is $5,000. But, Frank, let's compromise. Look, I'll give you $500. $5,000. $4,999. $502. $4,998. $503. Mary, what are you doing? I'm calling Paramount. This is going to be another lost weekend. Now, Frank, since we're so close to an agreement on price, why don't you just do your song and we'll settle it after the program? I mean, we shouldn't haggle in front of the audience. You know what? It makes you look cheap. Sing your song, huh? Well, okay, Jack. But who's going to accompany me? Phil Harris' orchestra. Oh, no. No, no. No, not that. Well, wait a minute, Frankie. A few weeks ago on my show, they accompanied Bing Crosby. I know, I know, but he already made his. Tell you what, I'll accompany you on the violin and Frank Remley on the guitar. Frank Remley? Yeah. That's Phil Harris' nature, boy. Excuse me, Frank. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester again. Oh, what is it this time, Rochester? Well, I'm listening to your program and I just heard Frank Sinatra. That's right, he's here. What about her? Boss, you've got to get an Oscar to give back to Mr. Coleman. Yes? Well, Mr. Sinatra won an Oscar a couple of years ago with a picture called The House I Live In. Say, that's right. He did. Gee, I wonder if he'd lend it to me. He might have, he hasn't thrown it away. Now, why in the world would he throw an Oscar away? Could be jealousy. It weighs more than he does. Gee, Rochester, I'm glad you told me about him. By the way, I think you're putting a little too much starch in Mr. Sinatra's collars. He looks like a dehydrated Herbert Hoover. Be careful, will you? I will. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now, look, Frank. I'm ready now, Jack. You get your violin. Look, Frank, look, Frank, look. Let's hold the song for a minute. I want to talk to you about something very important. What is it, Jack? No, not here. Let's go out in the hall. Okay. Now, Frank, I'm not going to beat around the bush. As you know, I lost Ronald Coleman's Oscar and I've got to get one to replace it. Yeah? Now, you won an Oscar, didn't you? Yeah, we won it for the house I live in, Jack. Well, look, Franky, you can do me a great favor. I'll only need it for a few weeks. You see, I got to get an Oscar back to Ronald Coleman before he comes over. Hey, would you guys mind moving over? We're trying to vacuum this hall. In a minute, in a minute. They're always cleaning up around here. Now, Franky. Yes, Jack? I've never been in such a spot in all my life. I'm asking you to give me the Oscar. I just want you to lend it to me until we get... Now, look, you guys! I'm trying to vacuum this corridor! I'm asking you once more to move! Look, don't be in such a hurry, bud. Now, Franky, look. How about it? Let me have your Oscar. Well, Jack, as long as you're in that kind of a spot and it's only for a few weeks, maybe I can... Frank. Franky. He got too close to the vacuum. I'll have to go outside and wait till they empty the bag. Security bonds are vitally important in the nation's battle against price inflation and for the future welfare of all of us. It is important that we continue to build financial security for ourselves and for our children. Protect your future by extra security bonds now. The first here is Basil Riesdale. Independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. The famous Crosley poll has just completed an impartial survey in 11 southern tobacco states. This poll, taken among tobacco experts, reveals the smoking preference of men who really know tobacco. Yes? For their own personal smoking enjoyment, independent tobacco experts again name Lucky Strike First Choice. Lucky Strike First Choice over any other brand. These are the experts. Auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen. These are the experts. Auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen. And we believe their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Lucky's. You've heard the poll results. Now listen to what Mr. Carl Hartfield, 29 years and independent tobacco buyer recently said. At auction after auction, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine tobacco. Good-wrapped leaf that's got real smoking quality. I've smoked Lucky's 28 years. So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment, remember LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Gosh, where could they have emptied that vacuum cleaner? I've looked in every rubbish can in the alley here. Frankie, Frankie! Frankie, where are you? Well, it's not in this one. Go away, kitty. I'm working this side of the alley. Frankie! Well, there's nothing left for me to do next week. I'll just have to go over and apologize to Ronald Coleman. Me, Ronald Coleman? Yes, yes. Good night, folks. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.