 five years ago I was 25 years old and on my birthday I said Catherine my sister Catherine you know be the best birthday present in the world and she asked well what what what can I do and I said well you know my favorite movie is cast away it would be really cool if we sat down together and as a gift to me we watched it together and she said Scott I saw that movie when I was a little kid when I came out in the year 2000 and I've been traumatized it's such a it's such an intense movie it's so emotional the plane crash the alone time on the island coming back to society seeing that the one you loved is with someone else and she said I'll tell you what Scott I'll watch it with you on your 30th birthday we'll make it a special night and guess what we did it last night I'm 30 years old my birthday was August 26th and we did it last night we watched cast away together in the theater room in her condo and she bought me Wilson this is an actual volleyball it says cast away right here and there is Wilson now the video is what's helped me the most with depression but I want to talk about this movie for a second and it perfectly correlates to what I want to talk about and what's helped me so much and usually on this channel I like I'm so used to inviting you to do something I I I I want to share my experiences and invite you to do something and I really want to focus on me in this video and if you saw in the community section if you're subscribed I said I'd be making more personal videos on this channel so allow me to be a little personal and just share my thoughts and open up my brain and bar fall over you and if you'd like if you like what I say well ponder a little bit after the video and think how maybe you can alter your lifestyle and life to maybe align more with the the kind of life that you want so we watched cast away last night and the soundtrack the cinematography the silence it's in on the island everything about that movie is so beautiful the acting of course and why did Tom Hanks why did Chuck survive on the island for four long years because he wanted to see Kelly once again that was his drive that was his motivation he wanted to see Kelly the love of his life that's what pushed him forward he could care less about himself if no one was waiting for him at home if no one was there for him well what's really the point of living you know it made me realize that the biggest drive for us and and the drive for change and and why we get up in the morning is because we need to be needed we need to belong we have psychological needs and one of them is we need to be part of something bigger than ourselves that's what motivates us that's what drives us that's what helps us survive Chuck survive four years on the island and came back came back to Memphis to see Kelly it was his drive through the whole movie four years in isolation and isolation would have killed them too but Chuck of course you need to create a friend you can't live in isolation you need someone to talk to you need someone to give you feedback you need someone to be there with you so what's helped me most with depression and I'll explain this because it's a really awkward thing to talk about and I don't like the answer one bit and I didn't like when I discovered this answer is I needed friends and it hurt me when I realized that it actually did I'm not I'm not kidding it really hurt me because I love being alone I love my alone time you know we I was on a live stream today with the patrons and if you know you're if you're interested in that the links all below you can join our online community we do live streams together giveaways voting music talking I love the community that we've built and we talk about mental health of course and we had a live stream this morning and I said you know I love being alone if I'm social all day I love coming home I swear I need to turn off the lights hide in a corner and just chill for a little bit I like to play a video game beyond my own self-reflect meditate just sit in silence I need that but just importantly just as important I need people I need to be needed it's hard to get up in the morning when no one's depending on you imagine getting up in the morning and no one cares if you're alive or dead for some that's a reality and that fuels depression so the reason that it hurt me to figure this out is yes I like being alone I love my alone time I love being isolated sometimes to recharge so when dealing with depression I tried everything I take antidepressants and and before that I tried everything supplements alter my diet exercise B vitamins omega 3 St. John's wart anything you can think of I was trying it to avoid pharmaceuticals and when I took antidepressants I was able to tread water but I kept avoiding this awkward question of Scott I think you need more friends it's even awkward to say it's hard to admit to yourself if you're someone with no friends it's so common for millennials to have literally zero friends no one to call on no one that really needs you what are you doing on a Saturday night is someone calling you and the reason that you know that you're needed is is you finally have the privilege of saying no to things it's kind of a good feeling it's finally no I have so much going on I gotta say no but you know it it was hard for me to admit that you know I've done everything in my power to get better but the one thing I haven't changed is my social situation it hurts to realize but let me tell you what happened what helped me the most with depression now very recently would have what helped me the most is finding a group to belong to finding some some group that where we share the same interest where I have friends that share the the marvel I have of the universe and we talk about space and we talk about comedy and we talk about politics and we and we exercise together when we play sports together and and work together it's a really good feeling to know that you're part of something bigger than yourself and what I found is I was constantly doing things for me to make myself feel better and you can probably relate right because we're told it's my mental health so I better do stuff for myself by myself I'll do my gratitude journal alone which I still do gratitude journal alone I'll make healthy meals but I'll do it alone I'll meditate but that's alone too and I'll exercise but I'm doing that alone too and I'll get a good night's rest but that's alone too and I'll go for walks because I need the exercise and I want to go through nature but I'm doing that alone too but I should read more self-help books but I'm doing that alone too we're doing everything for ourselves you know what helped me is that taking that attention away from myself saying no I'm not the center of the universe and I shouldn't be and realizing that I'm not in that I live for others and others live for me it takes the pressure off it takes the anxiety away takes the stress away and it brings joy into my life Chuck wasn't living for himself he was living for Wilson like as cringy as that sounds he was living for Kelly to go back to Memphis to see her you live for other people we live for each other I live for you I live for you I I'm doing this YouTube thing for you and for me it helps me and I hope it helps you think of every everything everyone's doing you know on that live stream I was talking about we were all talking about you know this obsession we have for stuff and things okay so you could you could argue that okay why do you want a good paying job well I want a good paying job so I can eat and I can have shelters etc etc okay you keep working why are you working longer hours okay so why do you want a different job okay so I can make more money and why do you want more money okay so I can get a bigger house and I can have more stuff bigger TV I want the new Nintendo switch I want a new pair of skis I want a new bike I want a new coffee maker I heard these new coffee makers make coffee with the iPhone app and then you can go to Google Home and it controls all your lights and then I heard there's this there's this app where you can call people and they paint your whole house and you can have a different color every week I realized that the end goal for me for working longer for working harder for doing more ended up being I just wanted more stuff I just wanted more things I wanted more objects what helped my depression too is having that focus on people take the focus away from things focus on people okay what can I do to connect more with people what can I what else can I do for my friends how can I make other people feel a bit better and more welcome and and and help them belong to communities how can I help you anyone who's watching how can I help you with mental health you know I offered people joining that online community for free I want to help you and in turn I'm helping myself if you want to help yourself help others this is a well-studied and well-known thing to help mental health we know that that materialism we know that this hedonic adaptation where you get a new thing and then your happiness level drops to where it used to be we're a very individualistic culture now because we're out to get ours and we want to succeed and we want to do things for us we want more to show off and impress to other people the truth is we're all in this together we're all in this together and what you do for you should in some way affect someone else and it will make you feel better so in my experience when I started making friends and I and I started this online community and I'm getting closer with people online and developing connection that way and I joined sports teams and I play ultimate frisbee and I played basketball I played volleyball and I'm going to different events in the city and having just movie nights with people even if you sit beside someone in the same space it can be the most beautiful thing just to be with other people and sharing a moment together like I believe so much in my heart and in my experience that that being closer with other people in real life has helped me so much that's all I want for other people now to experience that joy and connection now I know what you're maybe thinking Scott I'm dealing with social anxiety at the moment Scott I'm too anxious to talk to people small talk is difficult for me I don't even know what to say to anyone why would anyone be my friend I'm boring and I know those thoughts are true to some people and it makes me sad to hear that because the truth really is you have something to offer to the world and to other people that no one else can you think you're unworthy of love you think you're unworthy of attention and admiration you think you're unworthy of friendship nothing could be further removed from the truth you should have everything I have times a million you should be able to accept a phone call from a friend and they ask you to do something and you say yes or you say no I'm hanging out with other friends but do you want to come to this thing that I'm going to it's a really good feeling so to answer the to think about social anxiety I'm not saying you have to go out right now and get a million friends I'm not saying you have to go out at all and get a friend I'm saying let's ponder this for a second I want you to imagine something with me okay let's all close our eyes let's all close our eyes I know you didn't close your eyes are still looking at me come on close your eyes really close your eyes nope they're still open come on close them okay like think of something that you've wanted to do but you didn't want to do alone really is it going to the mall did you want to go to this concert did you want to just walk around your city and check some things out did you want to go to an art museum do you want to just go for a drive and go to a new part of town well imagine that you had one or two other people that you could do that with and no there it don't think of the people that you're with who are are judging you or insulting you or they're bullying you or they're not happy to be there no imagine two people with you that are really happy to be there with you that are laughing with you that are maybe sad with you that are observing the moment with you imagine that you know and have the freedom that whatever you're feeling whatever you're thinking whatever you're going through whatever you're witnessing you can share openly with them and they will fully accept you for you and now imagine they're going through something and they tell you about it do you feel important do you feel needed because they're opening up to you and they want to tell you something that's important to them doesn't it feel good to be needed doesn't it feel good to belong it does feel good doesn't it if you're dealing with depression or anxiety know that's not forever and know that if that brought you joy that that thought that can become a reality for you I'm serious that can become a reality you are needed in this world people need you in this world you will find friendship that is what helped me tremendously on my journey dealing with depression connection in person relationships online closer relationships being needed me needing others and others needing me I wish you all the best my friends stay strong keep being you and express yourself take care