 The Kraft Foods Company presents the Great Gildersleeve Gildersleeve starring Harold Perry brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company makers of Parque, Margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products. Poor Gildersleeve, it seems, has had a bad night. He went to bed early last night and was lying there waiting when what was that? There must be a wind coming up, meaning to fix that. Well, I can't fix it without a ladder, can I? That's right, bang! I suppose that's gonna go on all night, just when I need my sleep. Wonder if there's some way I could, maybe if I lean out of the window far enough I could reach the catch. Dark out there though, and windy. Suppose I slipped. They'd find my body in the Barbary bushes in the morning. No, I'll just let it bang. Well, go ahead, bang! Hmm, just the winds died down. Well, I'll... I'll just ignore it. I'll pretend it doesn't bother me. Go ahead, bang, see if I care. Well, go ahead. Never get to sleep this way. Better think about something else. I'd have to think about something pleasant. What do I know that's pleasant? Nothing. If I could just stop thinking. Wait. I didn't sleep at all. Where's my breakfast? Tell Bertie I want my breakfast. Breakfast? Oh, excuse me, Mr. Gildersleeve, I didn't know you were down. I've been down for some time, Bertie, waiting. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake. I was awake all night. I didn't sleep a wink last night, not a wink. The reason I didn't sleep was a broken shutter, which has been banging outside my bedroom window every night for fully six months. Does anybody ever do anything about it? No. This is not the first time I've mentioned it, Bertie. No, sir, I'm sure of it. Well, why isn't it fixed? Confounded if I got to do everything myself around here? Well, how am I... Hire somebody. There are men who fix shutters. Hire them. Well, I... That's just the trouble. Nobody willing to take any responsibility around here. By George, if you can't see if the place is kept in order, we'll just have to get somebody in who will. Okay. Hey, take it easy. Bertie, wait. Uncle Moore... Now you've heard her feelings. Yeah. What about my feelings? I didn't sleep all night. Does anybody care? No. I'm nobody. I just pay the bills around here. That's all. And fix the shutters. It wasn't Bertie's fault. Well, it was somebody's fault. It's about time we got started, Lee Roy. Gods, I don't see why everybody has to get so temperamental around here. Say the least little thing to them, and right away they go out in the kitchen. We'll be lucky if she doesn't go right on out the back door. All right. I'll apologize to her. They could peek out in the kitchen, my boy. See if she's still there. Yep, she's there all right. What's she doing? Is she... She's sitting at the kitchen table with her head on her arms. See? Oh, my goodness. Tell her I'm sorry, Lee Roy. Ask her if she'll come in here just a minute. Aunt says he's sorry, Bertie. I ain't never heard your uncle talk to me like that, Lee Roy. Never. Not as long as I've been here. Close the door, Lee Roy. What am I going to do? Never should have done that to Bertie. She's the one person who's on the job around here. It's my nerves. That's what it is. Maybe I'd better go out there and speak to her. What are you going to say? Maybe I'd better just leave her alone and hope it blows over. Come on, kids. Let's just tiptoe out of here quietly. What about your breakfast? I'll go without. Well, I could boil you an egg or something. No, no. Let's stay out of the kitchen. Let's not disturb her. Lee Roy, go answer the door quickly. Don't bother, Bertie. We'll answer it. Morning, Lee Roy. Ask your uncle if he'd like a ride downtown. Tell him not so loud. Come in, judge. He's just having breakfast. I mean, he isn't. Well, morning, Marjorie. Good morning, judge. Troc Warden. Morning. Who's dead? Nobody. We're trying to be a little quiet around here, judge. Bertie's not feeling very well. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What seems to be the trouble? Just nerves. Uncle Mort's. Uncle got Bertie sore at him. Go to school, Lee Roy. What happened? He got out of the wrong side of bed. Go to school, both of you. Come on, Mort. Gildy, you'd better get hold of yourself, old man. You're screaming like a madman. I don't know what's the matter with me, horse. I'm all nerves. Haven't been sleeping lately. Maybe I've been working too hard. Most unlikely. Well, whatever it is, I'm getting awfully hard to live with, judge. I can hardly stand it myself. You know what you need, Troc Morton? You need a hobby. Hobby? Best thing in the world for a man. Relaxes him, takes his mind off his worries. What kind of a hobby? You mean like building tabarets? Any hobby. There are all kinds of hobbies. Now, my hobby is stamp collecting, always has been. I don't know if I could get worked up over a stamp. Fascinating pastime. Fascinating. I'll tell you, why don't you come over tonight and I'll show you my collection? Well, I don't know, judge. I'm hard up. Come to dinner, Gildy, and we'll make an evening of it. Well, I might come to dinner. I don't know if I'll get any around here. Verdi isn't exactly speaking to me. You do that. You come to dinner, and I'll make Earth a latalyst out of you. A whatist? A stamp collector. Oh, oh, that. You think that might improve my disposition, do you? How do you think I've become such a lovable character? Ha, ha, ha. All right, horse, I'll try anything. Here's an interesting item, Gildy. See this stamp? What color is it? Blue. What do you think? Very good. Now, look at this one over here. Looks just like it, doesn't it? What color is that? They're both blue. Ah, but there you're wrong, my friend. This stamp, when viewed in pure sunlight, has a slightly lavender cast. Yes, yes. What difference does that make? All the difference in the world, that's all. All the difference in the world. The blue stamp is worth maybe four cents. Five at the most. But the lavender one, I could sell that for 35 tomorrow. You don't say. Took me 12 years to locate that. 12 years for a stamp that's worth 35 cents in the sunlight? I don't know, Judge. Oh, it's not the money, Gildy. It's the fascination of the thing. Uh-huh. Ah, here's one that has an interesting history. Gildy, you're not looking. Sorry, Judge, I was looking at the clock. I'm afraid it's time I was getting home. Oh, no, not yet. I can't let you go until you've seen the prize of my collection. This one's my pride and joy. This one's a dilly. Here, now look at that. That, my lad, is a Zambalanga triangle. What's that she's carrying on her head? Vascular pineapples, I guess. I don't think you like my Zambalanga triangle. Oh, I do, Horace. Very nice, yes, if you like that sort of thing. Personally, I say there's nothing like a good old special delivery. Well, Gildy, what do you think of my hobby? Great for relaxation. Think you might like to take it up? Frankly, Horace, I would rather bite my nails. Ma'am, I'm sorry if I bored you with my hobby. I don't know whether it was the hobby, Horace, or the excellent dinner, but you practically put me to sleep. Oh, no offense, old man. I'm a thousand times obliged. Hobbies are all right for those who need them, but all I need is a good night's sleep, Horace. And thanks to you, well, I think I'll run home and strike while the iron is hot. Good old Horace. He's such a bore. But a bore in need is a bore indeed. Hey, what's this? A note on my pillow? From Birdie. Don't tell me she's... Dear Mr. Gillesleve, I trust you'll be able to sleep this evening as I had a friend come and fix that blind. He climbed up on a ladder and fixed it, so I trust you'll be able to sleep. Your friend, Birdie. Birdie, she's so nice. Hope that means she's forgiven me. I've worried all day about that. But now I can really sleep. My little white bed. I can hardly wait. For two cents, I... sleep in my clothes. Why are they so loose when you put them on and so tight when you take them off? Now, pajamas. Hey, where are my pajamas? No pajamas. Confounded can a man have any pajamas? If I gotta run around here naked and freeze to death looking for pajamas? Don't mind me. I'm nobody. I just paid it. Builders leave for heaven's sake and holy yourself. Laundry hasn't come back, that's all. You've slept in your underwear before. You can do it again. You don't have to raise such a fuss. Take it easy, man. Now, open the window. That's right. Now, turn out the light. That's right. Now, in you go. Wait a minute. Where is it? Where is it? Oh! There it is. Now go to sleep. We'll go ahead. I can't. That's ridiculous. What's to prevent it? What have you got to worry about? Are the blinds fixed? Not a thing in the world to keep you awake? I just can't sleep, that's all. You're not trying. I am so. Trying just as hard as I can. Wonder if I'm losing my mind. Maybe if I just keep it a blank. I won't think about anything. That's what I'll do. What was that? Trains. Well, they're going to blow all night now. We'll go ahead and blow. Oops, the weeding. I can't stand. Take up a hobby. Find out what the great man's hobby will be in a very short time. Mr. Lang, what kind of bread do you like best? White, whole wheat or rye? Well, I prefer whole wheat bread. However, the other members of our family like enriched white bread. So who we generally serve a variety? Just the way it is in our house. I usually buy several kinds of bread so the family can take their choice. And how about the spread you serve with your bread? That's where my whole family agrees, Mr. Lang. We all prefer parquet margarine because it tastes so good and it always has such a fresh, sweet flavor. I think you'll find that millions of American families agree that parquet margarine is still unmatched for fine, fresh flavor. Also, parquet is one of the finest energy foods you can possibly serve. And it's fortified by craft so that every single pound contains 15,000 units of important vitamin A. So regardless of what kind of bread you serve, why not make it extra good to the taste and extra nourishing too by spreading it with parquet. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, made by the Craft Foods Company. Now let's get back to the great Gilder Sleeve whom we find entering Mr. Peavey's pharmacy. Mr. Gilder Sleeve? What can I do for you this afternoon? I want a bottle, Peavey. A bottle? A bottle. And what's a bottle? Any particular kind of a bottle? An empty bottle. I see. Well, if you could give me some idea of what it's for unless it's personal. Oh no, the fact is I'm starting a hobby. So, collecting bottles? No, no. I'm going to build a ship model, Peavey. I'll be in a bottle. You don't change. Yeah. What do you think of the idea? Of a ship model? Yes. In bottles? Yes. Oh, I think it's excellent. A lot of work, though, isn't it? Nothing to it. I bought this little kit here, you see. Got it down there across from Hogan Brothers, the handy crafter's shop. The kit has everything you need to build a ship. Sales, masks, glue, the whole business. And directions, of course. I think it'll be a lot of fun. Sounds like it. Yeah. Something to do with your hands. I, George, I think every man should have a hobby. Well, uh-huh. Wouldn't say that. Sometimes a fellow lets your hobby run away with him. Run away with him? What do you mean by that? Well, take this hobby of yours, for instance. There's a danger there. Danger? What are you talking about? Mr. Guilders, please. The bottle that is customarily used to contain ship models is a whiskey bottle. Oh. I guess it is. What of it? Well, it's possible. I'm not referring to you, of course. But it's possible a fellow might get more interested in getting the whiskey out and putting the ship in. Well, no danger that with me, PB. I never cared for the stuff, personally. Me neither. Yes, yes. You happen to have a whiskey bottle I could use, PB? I have a whiskey type bottle. I don't carry spirits in any form. Oh, I understand. Yes. Just let me have the whiskey type bottle. Yes, sir. I'll leave it right down here with my whisk room. There's no lighter fluid. Oh, brother. Need a whisk room by any chance? No. Lighter fluid? No, PB. Just the bottle. Well, here we are. That's about the shape you had in mind. Oh, just right. What do you want for it? I found it to go to sleep. Since you're starting a new hobby, I'll let you have the bottle with my compliment. Oh, thanks, PB. When I get it finished, you can be the first person to come and see it. No, I appreciate that. But there's a favor I'd like to ask you if you don't mind. Oh, anything at all. Name it. I'd be grateful if you wouldn't tell anybody where you got the bottle. Huh? Talk gets started, you know, and it might give the pharmacy a bad name. But, PB, it isn't even a whiskey bottle. There's nothing to be afraid of. You're just a nervous old woman. Well, now I have it. Gracious, maybe I am. So long, PB. Times 8 is 48. 6 times 3 is 18. And 4 is 23. 6 times 4 is... Leroy, I'm sorry, my boy, but you'll have to do your arithmetic somewhere else. I need this table. Oh, for now, I'll have to do the problem over. Why do you need this table? I need a little more room here to spread out my things. Well, I already got the big table in the desk. My boy, if I'm going to do this at all, I'm going to have to do it right. Kindly remember this is my hobby. I'm surprised you don't take more interest, Leroy, after all. A boat. Look, it is a boat and a bottle. You can't sail it. Well, you can look at it. It's going to look fine up there on the mantle, my boy. A full rigged ship and a bottle. Everybody will want to know how I got it in there. How do you? That's my secret. First thing is to build it. See? I'm going to glue this little sail onto the mast right now. Go ahead. I have to do my arithmetic. I don't understand that, boy. You think he was old enough to take an interest and grow enough things? Not so apparently. Where did I put that mast? Leroy. What do you want? I became that little mast I had here just a minute ago. You saw it, didn't you? Half a tooth stick. That is the main mast. I mean the main mast. Did you take it? No, I never touched it. I probably fell on the floor or something. Must be here somewhere. Well, slipped underneath the directions. Come here, you little rascal. I want to glue a sail on you. Okay, I'm going out now if you don't mind. No, go ahead, my dear. How do you like my ship so far? Where is it? Well, I've got the sail glued onto the formus here and, of course, the hoe is already. You had that done before supper. What have you been doing all this time? Have you been at some time getting reorganized? Have to have a plan, you know. A place for everything and everything in its place. Then when you get all set, bing-bing. You got a ship? That's fine. Well, I'd better get started. In a hurry? I thought maybe you'd like to sit here and watch for a while. Maybe help me a little. Well, I'd love to, wonky. I'm going to glue the main sail onto the main mast any minute now. Well, I think it'll be more exciting if I look at it when I get home and see how much you've done. You're not fooling anybody with that kind of talk, young lady. Come on, go out if you're going. You'd think when a man starts on a thing like this his family would give him a little encouragement. Well, I'll show him. I'll show everybody. Yeah, who the... Well, nothing, Lila. Not a thing. That is I. Not a thing. Come on in and sit down. Well, maybe just for a minute. If you're sure you don't mind. I should say not. In fact, I... Oh, my goodness. What on earth is Leroy up to now? Leroy? This mess all over the pole. Oh, that. As a matter of fact, it's something I was working on. Oh. I've been sort of thinking I should have a hobby, so I'm trying to build a ship model in a bottle. Oh, gracious, Rockmart. And you're so ambitious. Well, it won't be easy. Oh, I bet it's fun, though. These little, tiny sails. Nothing in my whole life seen anything so... Well, it is cute. At the same time, when it's finished and standing there in the bottle, it's quite impressive. Makes a nice piece of furniture. Yes. That's Rockmart. And would you let me help you work on the ship for a little while if I'm very careful? Well, I don't know, Leroy. That's pretty delicate work. Rockmart. No bigger than a pinhead, but our declinesce got fucked. It goes on this little flagpole here. It hangs over the back end of the boat. The bow, they call it. Yes, I guess so. They want to paste a little flag on the pole when you let me do just that, Rockmart. I guess you can't hurt anything just doing the flag there. Here, glue. I'll just put a teeny bit on with a pin and then just lay the flag alongside like this. There. What else can I glue? Well, you have to wait for this to dry first. Why? There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything, Leela. I suppose so. I never can seem to learn the right way. Oh, now you glued the flag on there just as well as anybody could. Oh, poor little thing like that. But I never could work out a whole big plan all by myself for getting a ship into a bottle. You have a wonderful mind, Rockmart. Like an engineer. Well, the directions helped. I couldn't understand the directions. I'll never forget the time I tried to put a sewing machine together. There are two kinds of people in this world, Leela. The practical ones and the charming ones. You're charming, I'm practical. Oh, charming, too. I believe you're the most charming man I've ever met. Up north, anyway. Then you're the most charming woman that ever left Savannah. Oh, you. Well, I suppose I'm pretty, but after all, what is that amount, too? Huh? Plenty. And then you have accomplishments, too. I don't know, anybody makes a better Welsh rare bit. Cooking. And you play the piano beautifully. I just soon hear you play the piano as anybody I know. Sooner. Play something for me, Leela. If you play, I'll sing. You sure you wouldn't rather work on your ship? Just one song while the glue is drying. Well, if you put it that way. What do you want to play, huh? I don't know. So long since I've played anything. Do you remember that, Trogman? Yeah. Play it, Leela. We could make believe My love's fine piece of mind In pretend. It's a hobby we've been overlooking. We'll just leave again in a few moments. An hour's special message from Kraft. Food dealers from coast to coast report that Kraft's parquet margarine is in bigger demand than ever. Yes, more and more people are asking for and buying this spread that tastes so good. And even though Kraft is trying in every way to keep your dealer supplied, it may not always be possible to meet your family's complete needs for delicious, flavor-fresh parquet. The Kraft Foods Company, its distributors and your food dealers, want to assure you again that every available pound of parquet margarine is being distributed so that everyone may get a fair share. So if you can't buy parquet margarine the first time you shop, please try again, won't you? I'm sure you'll agree that the fine quality and unmatched flavor you get in parquet are worth waiting for. So keep asking for P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, made by Kraft. Oh, almost forgot, my exercises. Can't go to bed without my exercises. Eep. Eep. Eep. Well, that's about enough to un-overdo it. Sleep, how beautiful thing. How I love them. Nothing like it to put you to sleep. Good night, folks. Carol Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Nicob. In the cast tonight were Walter Tetley, Louise Erickson and Lillian Randolph as Leroy, Marjorie and Birdie. Shirley Mitchell as Leela and Earl Ross and Richard LeGrand as Hunter and Peavey. This is John Lang speaking for the Kraft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gildersleeve. Ladies, here's how you can make today's leftover meats and vegetables the pride of tomorrow's meal. Easy does it. To perk up cooked vegetables, simply pour on a cream sauce zestfully flavored with Kraft salad mustard. To give an appetizing lift to your leftover meats, use Kraft salad mustard and a taste-tingling barbecue sauce. And now here's another bright idea. If you're having frankfurters or ham, serve Kraft mustard with horseradish added to snap up the flavor. Buy both of these delicious Kraft mustards when you shop tomorrow. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.