 So sometimes when I work with people and visually or couples the question comes up about how do you make the other person happy in a relationship and that's sometimes a difficult question to answer because Oftentimes we're not aware of what is it that makes me happy in a relationship? What is it that my partner could do for me that would make me the happiest or what could I actually do for them? That would make them the happiness And I'm going to give you a list here. Willard Harley has a list. It's from his book his needs her needs and it's a really interesting way of Starting the discussion about this about what it is you want and what your partner wants How can you make your partner happiest and how can they make you happiest because that's really the the equation. That's the That's the role. That's what that's what we're after here build greater happiness build greater connection build greater love and the relationship will be on Much sounder foundation right much firm foundation so I'm just going to read off the list here and see if anything jumps out at you because Okay, there there is a lot of research done on this in terms of what the male partner tends to want and what the female partner tends to want But really forget that because nobody really knows what you're if you're watching this video what your emotional needs are Or what your partner's emotional needs are because you're both individuals you're unique You know, you can't apply a template about you know men and women a general generalizations like that to an individual because your your Emotional needs what makes you happiest is very unique to you so the first one here is affection many many people think affection in a relationship is So important It's the thing that will make many people the happiest now affection is a general term But really what it means is I need to feel like I'm important to my partner It looks like, you know little things that they do to show me that I'm a priority in their life So that's one. Okay, I'm gonna keep these pretty short for now But how do you feel as you watch this about that? Is that something that is important to you? The next one is pretty obvious in all relationships It is a part of it, but it's sexual fulfillment so For many people that's going to be an important part of the relationship. How important is that to you? Where would you rank that I want you to kind of sit there and just let these sit with you and think okay Where am I where would I prioritize these because the idea will eventually be to communicate these needs to your partner and It's better if you can prioritize them because Having them prioritized makes it easier for the partner to meet those needs If some of them are more important than others, they know where to to the areas that they have to kind of focus on primarily The third one is huge as well. It's also it's called intimate conversation so for many people they would say If intimate conversation is missing from the relationship, it's not even a relationship That's how fun fundamental it is so intimate conversation is we talk about our hopes or dreams or fears or disappointments What we want for the future and oftentimes it's things like this sitting down with your partner and talking about what your emotional needs are How are you doing with your emotional needs? How can I help meet your emotional needs better and communicating what your own emotional needs are? That's what intimate conversation is It's but sharing your life through conversation so How is that one for you? The next one is recreational companionship. So this is in other words Many people really want to Include and be with their partner doing fun things having fun things adventurous things enjoyable things recreation That's a huge. That's a huge one too The next one is honesty and openness This one will tend to oftentimes this one is important for People who maybe have been in bad relationships before where honesty was an issue. There was maybe a lack of it Or trust is an issue. So honesty and openness is very important Some people will have that at the top of the list, you know Personally, I think that one is Very important. I think that's one that one is right up near the top because One of the things that I talk about in my course for instance is Judgements come into a relationship and sometimes if we hide judgments from our partner, you know, we judge them They judge us and we don't want to talk about these things. We don't we were avoiding conflict This is unhealthy in all healthy relationships. This is a part of it, right? Honesty and openness is a way for you to actually talk through those things rather than keeping them from each other and Then having like passive aggressive behavior come out Which can hurt the connection between you and your partner. So honesty and openness Obviously that applies to just no secrets telling each other What things I really like The next one is many people say physical attraction is Important and that's not to say that, you know, if your partner for instance says or physical attractiveness is super important to me That doesn't necessarily mean that, you know, you have to go now and Get a gym membership and try and attain it like a high level of physical perfection or something It just means usually when the partner says that they're talking about I Was attracted to this about you initially and that's important And it can be anybody male female can have this this need for physical attractiveness. It can be an important emotional need for them The other two I'll talk together number seven is financial support and domestic support. So those are two emotional needs also Tend to be more important when families are involved with financial support It really is are we a team financially or are we a team domestically in terms of like sharing chores and things like that? especially nowadays, you know where we're Partners tend to be a lot more equal across the board. The gender roles are not as clearly defined. Maybe as they used to be It's a lot more Dialogue has to go on about that about what are our roles? How do we support each other in that and how is it fair for both? partners and The last one By the way, it's the last one. I'm going to mention, but that's not to say it's not important because believe me. This is important But I'm not going to say who it's more important for I'm just going to let you watch this and See what you think the last one is called admiration In other words It's a feeling of my partner is the president of my fan club Okay, or I'm the president of my partners fan club. They like me as a person. They respect me They look up to me. They're rooting for me. They want me to succeed. They're willing to support success And that is very important But again, maybe in another video. I'll talk about I will give the more generalized men and women thing which which needs our Prioritized differently in general for men and women, but that's that's not important for this video I'm just introducing them if you've never heard these before because it's super helpful Now they're just ten and that's a framework, right? It's like a template for maybe an introduction to emotional needs Maybe what they look like you can add to that list you know for you it could be something like Creativity I want our relationship to be creative or something like that, right? Or it could be to be constantly improving as a couple or to be growing as a couple for instance So have a think of that it can be a great thing to do to sit down with your partner and say look What would your emotional needs be because I'm thinking these are mine and also just compare notes on that Because it's highly likely that their emotional needs will not be a perfect match for yours Because I'll leave it there for now food for thought and I hope it helps. I'll talk to you