 Check it, check it, check it, it's a unique house, it's your boy, E.C.E.O. and I'm here with the lovely, amazing, outstanding, most dedicated wife in the world, Ms. Jamaica. Let's go. Well gone, you know what I'm saying? But let me tell y'all, y'all need to stop what you're doing, like, subscribe, follow us on all social media platforms. When I mean everything, everything, including Patreon, because that's where we're gonna have our full length interviews on our Patreon channel and on our YouTube membership. Y'all love what we do. You've been doing this for a while. I know y'all loving it. If y'all just getting on, well, thank you so much. And we love y'all. Man, you know, let's be real for a second, guys. We got a special guest in here today. Like I said, she is currently residing in Florida, the state of Florida, but by way of Chicago, Illinois, the south side of Chicago, it's stumped down. She over at a Harold's chicken somewhere. Listen, man. Check it, man. Hey, man. God's Johnson is in the building. Yes. Yeah, you ain't got no introduction like that, no way else. It didn't happen like that. That's right. That's right. Man, thank you for coming on the show, man. Man, thank you both for having me. I'm truly honored to be here. Thank you so much. Well, before we get started, because I know Mr. Maker want to get into it, I don't want you to feel like you by yourself. Let me just show you what. You ain't the only one without a crown. You know what I'm saying? I got a crown right here. I can't really keep it on, because I had to do the mic like this. Hey, hey, hey. Today, I just want you to know you ain't the only one in here with a crown. Cops off the side as well. You think I'm T.I. the way I got this thing caught. You better go. You know what I'm saying? Check it, man. Let me quit playing. Let's get down to the business, man. Man. So, okay. God's Johnson, man. I was so amazed to read your Bible and understand, you know, the trials and tribulations that you faced. And then God still be here with you like he is. I just want to say thank you, first of all, for keeping on pushing on. You know what I'm saying? That's very important, because a lot of people that have been through a lot sometimes give up or can't make it through. Right. And you made it through. And not only did you made it through, you made it through a class. Yes. And I thank God for you. And so we wanted to get into your story. We glad that you and Dallas and we wanted to talk to you. Really show you some love. The balls talk on a one way, man. It's going down today. I hope you enjoy the show. You got this blue on. We creeping today. It's going down, man. Hey, man, listen, man, show God is Johnson some love. Make sure you got like, subscribe, follow her pages, man. We about to get in her story. You guys about to be amazed, man. Let's go. So OK, first of all, when I hear the name God is Johnson, first thing I ask, I'm like, is God is your real name? Like for real? Yes. God is my real name. And I get that question all of the time. And then people, they follow up and be like, well, I mean, I'll be like, well, I didn't have no choice in the matter, you know, but yes. So you ever ask your mama when you were a kid? I actually, I was never ever really able to ask my mom how I came about with my name. So I don't really know the significance behind it. But I do. I did find out a little bit later in life through asking an aunt who actually found me on Facebook. What I was told is that my biological father was into kind of Greek mythology. Right. And like goddess of this. And normally goddess is spelled G-O-D-D-E-S-S. Right. And he wanted to have, I guess, some originality to it. So I added the T. So that's kind of like the most I've been given about that. Wow. Did you used to get T's as a kid growing up? Girl, all the time I got all the God is good. God is great. All the little stuff, you know. And things like that. And, you know, the little jokes people make. And then I used to be like, well, that ain't my name. Because my name is not goddess. You know what I'm saying? It's goddess. That's what I'm saying. Right. But yeah. So did you hate it growing up? I mean. Or did you always accept it? I always kind of, I was different regardless. You know what I'm saying? So that was just like the kind of uniqueness that came along with it. You know, later on in life when you tell people that's your name and then they follow out where are you a stripper? I feel like that. Exactly. Yeah. So you know. No, she's not. It would be Lexus, Strawberry. Mercedes. Mercedes. Yeah, don't come at her for that. Because goddess is not just up in there like that. I've been to one or two. And I didn't see no goddesses up in there. So you good. And you're the only person with that name? Have you ever met another person with that name? I have never met anyone else with my name, no. Wow. That's unique in itself. I love it. So, okay, raised in Chicago, as a kid growing up, you didn't know your mom as a kid growing up, like young, young, young kid. Right? So kind of, I knew my, so with my mom, my mom was in my life until I was seven years old. Right. That's what I said as a kid, up to seven. So, but at that time you didn't know who your father was? No, my father wasn't a part of my life during that time. And no one told you who he was at that time? No. Okay. And from what I understand, your mom had mental health issues as well. Correct. So, but at seven, do you remember anything about that? Do you remember her mood swings? Oh, man. How she would act, all of that? Tell me about some of that. Man, I always knew my mom was different. You know what I'm saying? My mom would be, I remember sometimes my mom would be real happy. And then sometimes she would be like really, really down. You know, she was never, ever really the same. And then there were times I remember significantly, I remember one time when I was coming, I came home. I think I was in like the first grade and my mom, the house smelled like gas in the house. And I was walking through the house and I went in the kitchen and my mom was on the floor. So, turning off the gas, trying to get my mom up, things like that. My mom was never just normal. You know what I'm saying to me? I didn't know what. She would just have instances where sometimes she would be just start yelling out of nowhere. And then my mom, not knowing then what I know now, she also had personality disorders. So it was, because when you're saying all of that, the first thing come to my mind is bipolarism. Yes. Back then people didn't try to label their kids. They don't want to get them help because they're like, I don't want you to end up in a mental health institution. I don't want people to think that you're crazy, all sorts of stuff. But had she ever become, I know you say you smelled gas, but the house didn't blow up. So have you seen where or she heard someone else or try to hurt herself? My mom used to, she used to try to hurt herself quite a few times. So it was a couple of times. You always have that child. No matter what, my mom was like, I was always wanted to be under my mom. It didn't matter about even if it was something negative. My mom, she was abusive. Towards you? Yes. And the children? Are you the oldest? I'm not. Okay, I know there's four of y'all. Yes. So where did you fall? So I fell in the middle. Okay. Yes. But I was always that child to try to stand up and do everything, you know, because I always wanted to be, you know, recognized, I guess you can say, you know what I'm saying? But so when my mom, I witnessed her do that, you know, she had times where, of course, she was abusive. And then there was a lot of men that came in and out, you know? So I'm witnessing them. They weren't that great to my mom either, you know what I'm saying? So that was the environment that was growing up. And then from being in the projects, you know, it wasn't, you know, too much different because a lot of times, you know, we struggled with things, you know, not having. And you seed a lot, not only in your household, but when you went to your friend's house, you saw the same thing. So it wasn't anything abnormal at your household. Right. And she was also in drugs, right? Correct. So growing up seeing all of this, because my philosophy is like a lot of people always, you know, a lot of people that sit in that same seed, it's all, that's how they were raised. And, but you have the few who say, but I didn't end up selling drugs on the street. I didn't end up taking drugs. I didn't end up beating women. I didn't end up, I elevated from that situation because I didn't want to be like that. But the majority end up straight on the street doing all the same things they didn't want to do, but they ended up doing it because that was their environment. So what makes a person different by not doing that? Because I was like, if one person can do it and come up and get out, everybody can do it. It's just, do you want to do it? Right. Do you believe that? I believe it's a choice. Yes. You know, I always, you know, for me, it's like my, your response is your own responsibility to anything. Right. You know, and it does take a determination and a mindset to want to do differently, you know, which is not, I'm not going to sit up here and lie. It's not something that I in the beginning saw that, but it's something that I developed that different mentality after the fact. You know, I had to go through that time where I did use all that and make a lot of dumb decisions. Okay. You know what I'm saying? From the pain and the hurt and not feeling, you know, apart or abandoned and alone. I did make not the right decisions, but there came a point where I had to make a choice that, you know what? Y'all not going to tell me what I can be and what I'm not going to be. You know what I'm saying? So it became a different approach and a different response that I had, which initially started to change for me. But you know, the crazy thing that with kids, because growing up, I'm remembering, and I didn't go through a lot of trauma or anything like that, but at the same time, I can remember as children, we, I tell my daughter all the time, my daughter looks towards the future. She planned a lot of stuff ahead. I'm like, shoot, I was taking everything one day at a time as it came. I wasn't thinking about futuristic stuff. You just took it as it is. So saying that is that kids don't think about, okay, I'm going through this situation. That's the reason why I'm acting out. Kids are not thinking about that. You're just taking it one step at a time. And as you get older, you look back on your life. It's like, oh, that's why I did what I did because of what I saw as a child growing up, not realizing that that affects you. But some people grow now when you ask them, did it affect you? They'll tell you, no, but I guarantee you anything that you go through in life affects you one way or the other. It does. You know what I mean? But some people will tell you, no, it didn't affect me, I was good. I didn't miss him in my life. I didn't want to know him, you know, as in their father and different stuff. But how not having a father in your life and seeing all these different men come in and out of the household with your mom, how did it affect you? Man, I'm a very honest person. I literally, for a long time, I had no respect for my mom at all. I really didn't. I watched, you know, I could remember even as an early age, I watched my mom allow men to do something, to talk to her like crap, you know what I'm saying? Hit on her. I even, you know, my mom, the man that my mom ended up murdering and going to prison for, this man raped me repeatedly. And I remember going to my mom, telling my mom, and there's nothing worse than you telling your mother something like that and your mom looking at you and telling you you're lying. And I never forget my mom telling me that and then just total disregard and then having that same man turn around and laugh and say, I told you she wasn't going to believe you. I didn't have no respect for my mom. I thought my mom was weak. And I never wanted to be weak like her. You know, and even, you know, I never forget the day, you know, they came into the elementary school and we were all brought into the office and, you know, we were all out on the playground and beforehand we were out on the playground and this kid, you know, he was he was going at it with my brother and he was like, you know what, that's why your mom, you know, your mom, you know, my mom was a stripper. My mom was a prostitute. It was known in a hood when your mom does certain things they make sure you know what your mom knew, you know what I'm saying? And then, however, we didn't know what my mom had did but we found out from this boy saying you know, that's why your mama in jail and we looking like what you're talking about. Oh, so she was just missing out on your life. Nobody told you the reason why. No, the last time, I remember that night like it was anything my mom had got, you know, in her little out, you know, I knew she was going to work, you know what I'm saying? And for some reason I was like telling my mom like, you know, can you stay, can you tell my mom to stay at home and stuff like that. And you were seven at this time. Yes, and my mom was like, I gotta go, God, I gotta go, but for some reason that day I just, I don't know. And she was like, I gotta go girl, you know, and my mom did come home. I used to stay up, you know what I'm saying? She tried to make sure she came home in the morning. My mom didn't get up. My mom didn't ever come back, you know what I'm saying? And then so getting up, getting my brothers and sisters ready for school, you know, we went to school, we showed up, you know, and that was different because my mom always showed up. And who was the oldest one at home at the time of your brother, but how old was he? My brother was on, my brother was two years older than me. Oh, so he was nine at this time? Yes. Okay. So, but, you know, go to school when we was in school and then that happened and then they got in a fight, you know, my brother ended up fighting with the boy, you know what I'm saying? Because we didn't know what he was talking about. Going into the office and then that's when what happened. How long after she was arrested was this? This literally was that same the next day. Oh, and they already knew that she was arrested and y'all didn't even know that? We didn't know. Wow. But I have another, I have a question because you said you were molested and you went to your mom and told your mom about it but how long before seven or how old were you when the molestation started? I was about five. Five, so it went on for a whole two years. I just, man, that's an extraordinary story. I just sent back listening and, you know, it's really a thing where, you know, you go through these different situations in life and God, you know, he's with you, you know, and these are the times when he's carrying you. I just feel like, you know, because you could have been dead. The house could have burnt up when the gas mill was there. But God has a plan, an ultimate plan and that's what puts you on the top of your head. I just want to say, you know, you know, a lot of times when men and women and all the stuff that you guys are discussing, we start looking at the person but it's spiritual warfare. The devil is trying to take you out. He's trying to figure out a way to win and the way that he wins is to kill still in the street and the way that he wins is to kill still in the street and the way that he wins is to kill still in destroy as the word of God explains. So you have to really, really really tap into your spiritual essence as you grow. And to be seven years old, she had no one, but it had to be something. So, you know, it had to be something inside of you that was very, very, you know, strong and stern in order for you to be here today. You know what I mean? As a seven-year-old, you just explained to me that you got up and you got your brothers and you got your family ready to go and y'all ended up at school. Regardless of the situation, y'all ended up at school that day. I don't know how you guys worked that magic but at the end of the day, that's the angel. They know the bus that needs to get out. They know what they gotta do. They knew how to grow up. So how was that morning, getting up, going to school on your own? Did somebody stop by to help you guys get dressed? No, I wake up and my brothers and sisters got us dressed. We made sure we all got dressed. It was no bus in our neighborhood. We walked to school. How far? Probably equivalent now. I went to John Foster Douglas School from Parkway. I would say maybe a... I'm gonna say maybe like two... It probably was maybe like a 15, 20-minute walk. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And you were always acted like you were the oldest child. That's why I kept asking who I was, your older brother because you seem like I'm the one who... Well, you gotta understand as a little... She had to grow up fast if she's getting molested at the age of five. There are some things happening with her that she don't understand, but at the end of the day she have to grow up fast because she's going through experiences which are traumatic, but at the same time she has to deal with it. And to deal with it at five years old to seven, I commend you. Like I said, that's a big deal. So when you think about it, you go to school, they tell you this. Now you guys... How do you guys end up? What do you go that day? Do the people come in at that time and take you guys from... and start trying to split the family or just give me the spiel? So what happened was from that my uncle, we had an uncle. So where we say my uncle stayed upstairs. So my uncle came and they took us back to our place, our apartment. And the only thing I remember I had a grandmother and they were trying to decide where we were going to go. I'll never forget my grandmother when she was eggs. It was my grandmother, my uncle and we were in the living room and it was the case worker and she was like, I can't take these kids. She shouldn't have did what she did. She could have been out to raise her own kids. That's what my grandmother said. My uncle didn't want to take us. So my uncle was saying they have a father so given information. So my grandmother agreed to take us for I guess like overnight and stuff. So a couple of nights so they could work out finding my father. So that was the original arrangement. So one thing like you said it is a spiritual thing and it comes from what my mom couldn't give what she never had. My grandmother and my mother didn't have a good relationship. And my grandmother did not show us that she displayed that with us. So she took us but it wasn't like a normal happy go lucky thing. So we were there for a little bit. They eventually found my father in the beginning. My father was the one who had us. My father took us at first. You eventually met your father and knew who he was. Yes. My father got us at first. He was actually remarried. Living in Chicago. And we originally went with him. So the background behind that my father suffered from mental illness. My father was paranoid schizophrenic. Wow. I have to say that. My father didn't get along with my mom. So you have to realize we were taken. My mom did this crime. We were only with my mom. My mom was in Cook County jail. My father took us. I'll never forget the last time I saw my mom. My father took us to the jail and told my mom he was taking us away from Illinois. And that was going to be the last time she saw us. And how old were you? At this time I was nine nine. She had been locked up for a few years. And in that time we hadn't had no communication with my mom because of everything going on. Nobody took us to see her or anything. So that was the first and last time. And so when he told us that so as you got to understand I was always close to my mom no matter what. So when you telling us that when you going in there with a glass window you can't hug her, you can't touch her I didn't want to accept I was never going to see my mom again. So I started cutting up in the jail. And I remember falling they was trying to pull me off the thing he had to pick me up and I was screaming because you telling me I'm not going to see my mom no more. You know what I'm saying? That's how evil my father was. We were taken out of school. We were taken out of school. My father was this person who felt like he the story I don't tell and I'm telling it for the first time he had this wanted to be this expiring musician so my father took within this time my father was his new wife couldn't stand none of us because we wasn't her kids and she made that very well known she was heavily addicted to cocaine they had drugs and alcohol abuse he took us actually overseas we weren't in school we were in like a one maybe like equivalent to like a one bedroom what would be a one bedroom apartment food, different things we didn't have he was very neglectful to us. Do you remember overseas where? We were in Germany he was trying to pursue a music career so we went over to Germany and within that time my father was physically and sexually abusive to myself he was physically abusive to my brothers and my sister however I was the person that I felt like I wanted to protect them so I took a lot. You get what I'm saying so your father again you go back into the molestation now it's not the outsider it's the person that you put all your trust into your father ends up now sleeping with you and how long did that go on? That went on for about a little over a year and a half and what happened how that happened that came to pass is because we weren't in school at the time that we were over there and my father we were going to like there was a tutor that would come and then we ended up getting in school and there was an equivalence called a guidance counselor and I didn't know what a menstrual period was there was nobody who taught me what that was so all I know is I woke up one day and there was something in my underwear and how old were you at this time? I'm gonna say I was in between that ten type of period here so I went to went to the school and we were I was in and I had a bunch of tissue because I didn't know what was going on and it had went through my clothing and I went in the office and that was the very first time I ever that's how I learned about what a period was and a pad but I was very heavy heavy heavy heavy bleeding and I ended up having to go to the hospital and that's when from an examination they found out that you were being molested so they were going to take they took us when they went that's when my father fled because you told them but let me ask you so your brothers and sisters are they also your father's children? they're his only children okay I just wanted to make sure it was the same father okay keep going so immediately because before African-American children over in another country my mom was in prison over in the states he had left had fled because of you get what I'm saying that we had no they couldn't tell if we were citizens we had no paperwork we had nothing so we were putting what's called the Ugandan which is a German orphanage and there is a video that was just shown by Melvin Farmer where he interviewed the lady who took us in who was stationed there with the military she's American woman she's American and her and her husband were stationed there they didn't know us from Adam but when they heard about our story they stepped right in they were there and they took us in they were influential and finding my mother that's how we got back to the states so when we got back to the states we got back here and at that time because of that we were placed back into the system so at this time my sister was in a placement my brothers had did some things overseas that they had to go to Maryland we were split up we were in the system for some time but it was still abuse in the system in group homes here in the US everything isn't great you know what I'm saying they're supposed to be doing right by you but they're talking about you they're calling you names they're abusing you they're doing those things so for me I ran away correct so I hadn't been to school since the sixth grade I would turn to the streets I reunited with my brothers and my sister was not with me she was in a placement she was good so I felt like I was better off on the street and you were on the street at how old now at 13 and a half I want to go back a little bit just the fact of your mom when y'all after seeing her two years that she had gotten the sentence when did you guys hear about her sentence of 45 years when they had reached out it was a phone call over the phone and that was the first time I was able to speak to us and that's when I found out that my mom her sentence when she was sentenced to capital murder and she had life without the possibility of parole she killed a guy that had molested you my mom she killed that was the man who had molested however he was also her pimp they had went to a party and he was the type of person supposedly now I know from what was told there was an incident that happened he got an argument with my mom he was storing up a lot of stuff that hurtful things or whatever the only thing I know is that my mom from what she told she blacked out but he was shot six times above the waist and so my mom was sentenced to charge of capital murder and sentenced to life without the possibility of parole wow how old was she is she still alive now my mother how long ago did she pass and she passed wow go ahead were you ever okay you said you were living with your grandma for a little bit but you know how the reason why your mom or your parents are the way how they are is because of the situation that they've been in when they were younger do you know if she was ever abused as a child and her mom knew about it and it was the same like a way of how she treated you how did you find out about that my mother from her own my mom was she was the only girl she had two brothers and my grandmother she was married to my grandfather however my grandmother had a relationship outside of my grandfather and that man molested my mother and my mother told my grandmother my grandmother didn't believe my mother and as a result of that she was never treated the same my mom had several attempts of suicide throughout her life she was also put into a Baker Act facility so she suffered a lot within her time so that's why I always say my mom couldn't give something that she never had right and growing up I know how the devil can play tricks on us in a lot of different ways and when you tell me that your father had mental illness and then your mom had mental illness growing up as a kid did you ever like well both my parents crazy so I'm crazy too I really did I really I thought like because first of all you don't in our for us as black being black you don't know about this type of stuff number one and then it's not like you hear about being black we don't go talk to therapists that's not what we do you know what I'm saying so for me going through everything and it wasn't until when I had I've had attempts I had 16 attempts of suicidal I tried to I used to get mad because I couldn't do that right you know what I mean so I had been Baker Act and things and I thought I was waiting to hear the big you know diagnosis of being bipolar schizophrenic however when I was diagnosed I've been diagnosed with PTSD since I was nine years old how old were you when you started trying to take your life I had been trying to take my life ever since I was like 11 Wow and so I was a cutter from a cutter to pills I've I've thrown myself out of a car before I'm realizing God had a plan for you you threw yourself out of a car before yes do you say all that for me like where were you at and how were you I didn't want to I didn't want to go back I didn't want to go back to foster care I didn't want to go back so while they were driving I opened up the door and I how old were you I was at that time I was like right right about about 13 before you left on one of your own so when you were 13 and you threw yourself out of a car did you have any bruises or any yeah I was cut up really bad I had cut my I have a permanent scar right here on my arm and I have a but like well thanks to my sister's makeup but I have before it was cool to put the slashes in your eyebrows I have a permanent one from busting my eye wow so you just just been through so much like so when you when you think about it like man how many foster how many times did you find yourself going back to a foster care and trying to figure it out like how many times did they catch you and try to do that to you I think I always I'm gonna say I probably was there probably maybe 12 or 13 different placements and then like for group home maybe seven or eight and I was considered a at risk one because I was run away run away and I was a fighter I was real angry oh you yeah I was a fighter so there was none of that I can't blame you baby with everything you went through so none of them was a place where it was good I won't say that I get I owe who I am today to one okay and I'm gonna say that and because she taught me one valuable lesson she was the one person who put in my hand a mustard seed and she told me she told me my life wasn't gonna be easy but she told me if I could believe that much if I could believe this much and have faith that anything would be possible and she taught me how to pray and even though I didn't realize how much that that would help me then that's what has helped me today and has continued to help me what's her name Shewan Miller she won and where she from Baltimore so she won Miller in Baltimore Maryland man kudos to you and she's still alive yes and was that the last foster care that you were in that's the only one I because I don't even consider that her foster care I consider her my mom okay no matter what and how old were you when you were with her with her I got her when I was I was there when I was maybe like 10 11 years old and then but you ran away from that one so all the because you didn't understand at that time when you so used to taking care of yourself and doing for yourself it was hard for me to accept like any kind of structure except love if that makes sense it does I just wanted it for my sister I didn't care about me I wanted my sister to have a better life so when they when you run away from a foster care they automatically take you to another one or do they try to take you back to that one they try to take you go back to a group home and see another placement but after a while if you keep on deemed during the same behavior you're getting labeled and you won't get a chance to get placed in a place then where did it put you at that point you get stuck at a group home at a group which is like a prison so then you ran away at 13 and after at 13 when you ran away you never went back to any of them and they don't come searching for you or use but I jumped I wasn't no longer where they could find me I went to Texas okay and when you went to Texas when you got here I gotta ask you this at 1314 did you end up starting to sell your body never did I have to sell my body you basically knew did you run into the right people to keep you from that I ran into the game oh you was a oh you was a that's why you got the blue that's why you were in the blue hell it came out now so you creepy I was I was never creepy I joined the gangsta disciples okay you okay the gangsta in Texas no they were from Illinois Chicago but you joined it before you came to Texas before I came to Texas okay but you but you started to connect back with them correct what you're saying original roots of being connected to them okay and and and I get that you was on the south side connected to the GD's okay what okay when you came to Texas did you connect with some of those yes and and how was that how was it dealing with that did you guys get into any criminalistic what was what was y'all doing so for me because I had a whole lot of anger you know I'm saying a whole lot of anger and for me because people had took for me my innocence for so long I didn't want that you know I'm saying I wanted to be respected I wanted to be you know I'm saying to have that power so I wanted to get in the right way you know I'm saying I fought my way in you know I'm saying I was a runner I was you know driving people to pick up I was beating people up I was going to people houses I was doing a whole bunch of stuff that I wasn't proud of did you end up in jail or anything I got blessed I could have went to jail and but the only reason why I didn't is because my brothers cared enough not to put my name into something you get what I'm saying and my brothers they both got incarcerated at very early ages my brothers first sentence was they armed robbery of three stores so they were here in Texas with you they were from Texas to Maryland oh so that's how you ended up in Maryland that's what I was wondering because when you were 13 to Maryland when you're 13 you left to come to Texas I'm like how does a 13 year old get money to jump on a bus to come to Texas so you had to be with your brothers whenever and then I ended up in Aberdeen Maryland which is where it all started so I really started and then it was just a whole bunch of activity out there gang related that's all we knew it for me it was a family you know what I'm saying I had protection I didn't have to worry about molestation I didn't have to worry all I had to worry I did I did I had respect you know what I'm saying and for the first time in my life I didn't have to look over my shoulder like that I felt like I was untouchable until like I said when my brother my brothers got their charges you know my brothers are serving my one brother serving 44 years as a younger brother and as a younger brother how old was when this happened my brother was in and out of prison since he was 15 it's in and out of juvie since he was 14 15 years old wow and he's where's he in Maryland and and he's not ever getting out no wow yeah I have to get his information I want to write him I always write prisoners and that's for robbery oh no what was his first charges so what is this charge that he's murder just like his mom yes so you see the cycle yeah so what about my brother my other brother was it was drugs related robbery he ended up getting out and then going back in however I lost that brother last year in prison so he did get killed in prison he got himself he killed himself how hard was that for you when you heard about that it was really hard for the simple fact I never really was able to be a sister you know what I'm saying why do you feel like you was never able to be a sister because from as early as I can remember I was put in a situation where I had to be a mom you know what I mean even when I didn't want to like I had to be the one to take care of to make sure they was okay you know to try my best to prevent them from having to hurt you get what I'm saying do you blame yourself for your brother's issue how hard is that for you it's real hard because if you think about it your brother and you give him some tissue yeah help make sure you keep us straight hold on we'll take a second sorry no it's okay you got it you gonna be alright this happened we know this happens when you talk about certain but it heals it heals so many people because somebody else out there going through something that you're going through right now and just I just want to tell you that it's not your fault it's not your fault and to be honest with you you've been through so much because forgiveness is something else you have to forgive yourself because a lot of times we get so caught up on forgiving others that we don't think about ourselves the most important thing is that you forgive yourself because you've been through so much and there's so much unheld because of the fact of not being able to be there for him and you weren't able to be a little girl either you say you weren't able to be a sister you weren't able to be a little girl and so that's the part that's so devastating man that all that was taken away from you but at the end of the day you still here you ain't supposed to be here you supposed to be dead according to the devil he wanted to take you out and your brothers and sisters and for them to either make it this far and still be alive y'all did something that's so extraordinary man to even make it through for this day and then for him to take himself out when he did look how long he struggled with that you know look at your other brother he's still I guarantee you going through it right to this day and you know and that's why I say I wanted to write him I wrote the other one too because I've been through stuff and I feel like just to get a letter and just to write and tell somebody you love them and hey man you can make it and I heard your story and it blew me away you know what I'm saying so you guys are extraordinary man I just want to tell you man you are blessing to us to be able to come on here and be strong enough to even talk about what you're talking about so I just want to say thank you again man and I'm going to go back into the story but even like when you say when you said earlier when we first started that you know it's choices life is full of choices no matter what situation you've been in you can't blame yourself for somebody else's choices because just like the molestation that you've been through I've heard kids who are now adults who went through what you went through and blame themselves for getting molested I'm like you're a child how you can blame yourself for a grown person doing something evil to you but you have people who do blame themselves for that because of whether your parents tell them it's your fault because you're wearing this because it's your fault because you're talking smiling at him because it's your fault because you're doing this but it's not their fault you understand what I mean so it's the same thing with your brother he had choices and you can't be there as much as people with big hearts want to be there for everybody want to be that person but you can't be there for everybody and to go back into that hurt and you still have issues because it's not easy and you know that hurt is still there you know that unforgiveness is still there in some kind of way you've got to lock in the fact that with God all things are possible and then you've got to lock into the fact that if any man being Christ he's a new creature old things are passed away behold all things become new that scripture right there it's the same thing it done it for me I went through things myself not as dramatic as yours but it was some things I went through seeing my father get shot at by my mama father being shot in the head me going through things crisis situation drug from house to house but at some point I hit a spot where I said I can be a new creature you mean I get to start over again and that was what was the clicking point forgive myself as far as the east deals from the west and that's what made me to push on and I would suggest strongly that you keep tapping into your word God can change any circumstance any situation if you believe in that grain of a mustard seed that she told you about I told my children about that last night at midnight I was reading the word with my kids like that's why you will never understand the relationship between me and my wife because at midnight last night I brought her and the kids in the living room and said let's read together let's pray together because we know that things can happen but you'll never devil get to take that part away from what we done last night and you'll never be able to take what you're dealing with today here on boss talk 101 this is the day that the Lord has made and you can call me a preacher I know y'all say I'm a preacher or whatever I don't care because God been too good to me to see this young lady sending in front of us to see what she experienced you guys are cream puffs if you run around here feeling pity for yourself for what this woman has dealt with and to see her sitting here we're not even getting into the point of this woman is blind so now we're born blind we're about to go into that part of the story so this is the part where you don't understand man what God can do but God is very powerful and you got to forgive yourself because there's so many people that you're touching and healing you guys just was in from North Carolina to Florida wherever you guys were you guys are working and and that's the part that people don't understand when it come to Melvin former and a tolamarve and the cause we get and the things that they're trying to do to try to help to situate things out there with different groups of people working with people like yourself you see what I'm saying and you guys are incredible messengers incredible messengers he called me about that all the time and people get on here and they'll see him and I'm gonna sidestep for a second and they'll say that old man why are you dealing with them old gangbangers why you let them gangbangers come on your show what about this part what about a tolamarve and what about Melvin them sending this woman who been through hell and hot water and who pretty much been going around traveling with them to help people what about that part so I say to that whoever the critics may be man tap into what's real with these guys yeah they started to trade gangster grip and yeah he was the oldest pyru tolamarve was but at the end of the day what about the change what about the people that they helping and inspiring that's what boss talk 101 is tapping into and if you are not tapping into that then turn the damn page get off this page because we gonna try to help somebody man now let's get back into it man because I done ran it on them right quick so I ran on them you and Marilyn right now right that's where we at so with all that's going on in Maryland when did the car accident happen before you had to go to cause I know car accident happened before you went to Florida right so it happened in Maryland no it happened in I ended up going back from after the things happened with my brother and he got his last there was a hit put out on me because I was the only I guess you could say family member that was able to be gotten to because of the life that my brother took how old were you when this hit was put out on you um I don't even between the ages of 15 yeah between them like 15 to 17 sometimes I ended up leaving for the safety and that's when I went back to Texas to my sister at the time was she had that's how she ended up going back to she ended up with she won um which was the lady that I told you about so because she was in a situation where she won is in Chicago no she was in Texas in Texas okay that's where it is yes so basically they end up taking her because some things were happening to her and it says so they took her so that's why um I ended up going back to Texas and remember I hadn't been in school or anything I was just you know whatever so that's when I decided I needed to get myself together and this is when you got emancipated okay and the hit is still out on you correct and so I ended up testing taking a test getting back into school um graduated I ended up graduating at seventeen hey um Joseph which was she won husband he was in the army and um he instilled to be like you know that type of discipline that came into that and the benefits of the military and things like that and I didn't come from money or nothing like that but I wanted to be that's when I wanted to be somebody that I guess for more I wanted to be somebody my sister can look up to you know what I mean so that's when I made that decision to go in and I began to break a different cycle because that's the only person you had out because your brothers were already gone so it was you and your sister me and my sister okay and um I became the first one to graduate high school going to college and and break that whole cycle how did that make you feel it made you feel good even though there was nobody in the audience cheering for me there was nobody there to greet me with no you know it was a graduation time I didn't have no party I didn't have no card I didn't even have nobody to walk off the stage and hug me but I graduated how much younger is your sister than you my sister is five years younger than I am five years younger than I am so it wasn't it wasn't the typical whatever but I graduated you know what I'm saying and um I always had a heart to help people you know what I'm saying so I became a nurse I was doing great I was still in Texas all that good stuff and um yeah I was working in the hospital in the emergency department and um like any other day you know what I'm saying I worked from seven at night to seven in the morning I was in school my goal was to be a nurse practitioner I wanted to have my own office um I got my master's I was on my way at this point you only got one master's at this time correct because right now you got ooh too many masters right now you are overachiever um but my sister she was doing good she followed my footsteps my sister had a little girl I had become a mom how old were you when you became a mom I had my son I was 24 24 so we became a family that we made for ourselves you know what I'm saying and we was good we started it and we were on our way you know what I mean however my life took another challenge I was leaving work like any other day and um we were all in the car this is your sister and I got my niece she was at an overnight day care how was she she was only about seven and a half, eight minutes at the time um and um on the road going home and the only thing I could tell you is I always tell people we were talking about pancakes that's the last thing I remember and um and then this time I remember I woke up and it was just black and um I couldn't move and um I remember the voice telling me um Miss Johnson Miss Johnson I couldn't respond and um I was basically told that I was in a tragic car accident and as a result of that car accident um I lost my sister, I lost my niece I