 Managing loss. Explain that. What are your big losses? My dad is a really great guy, but every parent is, you know, as a kid, your folks doing their very best they can do are doing damage that they don't understand. And that's just what every parent does. And it's not their fault and it's not yours either. It's just, this is the traverse of life. Yeah. And my dad has always been a workaholic and so working and he's always been like, he has such a great moral compass, you know, like you should do what's right. And all I got from that was like, set aside how you feel and get involved in doing what the situation asks for, to make the situation right as a whole. And then we'll deal with your emotions later. That's what I got from that, you know? Yeah. If at all, maybe later, maybe we'll forget. Well, and I think you just sort of start frisbing them into a pile on the back burner. And I was very close with my grandparents. They're tattooed in my hands and it was very close. And when they'd passed and they'd passed, you know, it was like, there's things to do. We need to, you know, I never registered or any grief there because it was another frisbee on the pile, you know? And put your head down and work. And when you don't know what to do, if you've got so many problems, help someone else with theirs. That's, you know, put your head down and go. And so I just did that. And I think speed really helped me to do that. Again, speed, thank you. You know? Brought to you by. Brought to you by. Well, and in the last seven years or so, sort of starting with Tony Bourdain, who's, it just got me, that got me good, you know? And I- Close friend? A good buddy. Yeah. And he was death metal, got attacked to the Bataclan. And there was a lot of people there. That was so much like two phones talking the FBI and the, you know, the special force of France to get people home. And it was just like, there was no time to sort of get your head around what was going on, you know? Because there was so much work to be done. Right. And it was important. And also protecting everyone that was, that made it, you know, too. Yeah. From the world, from this, you know, geopolitical mind fuck for a rock band. Yeah. You know? And as a musician, we die young. So it's like, then all of a sudden, whether it's Taylor or Mark Lanigan, who used to sing with us and my best friend, Brie O'Hackford, it was just the best person. It's just too young at 52, the two little ones, you know? And you realize like, hey, Hitler had to kill himself. Like I was a total asshole. It's like, you have people that would switch. Really, this guy had to kill himself and you're gone. And, you know, the frustration and the sort of pushing. Unfairness. Yeah, the unfairness and the, you know, those stages of grief where you're bargaining, like what can I do? There must be something I can do. There's got to be a way. I thought my way out of and into things, there must be a way. I've never learned so much as I have in the last five years, you know? And everyone went through so much. And I too went through a lot of stuff. It really took till the last year or so to just get to the acceptance part. Did you take time off? Yeah, I took a lot of grief. I chose to in the last five years in particular, which I suppose had a certain level of convenience because the world was, we all did. Yeah. And so it somehow aligned with that. Yeah. But it also left everyone, and certainly me, choiceless. It was time to sit in it. There was nowhere to go. Yeah. You know, I've always been into big change, but I've always been the agent of that big change so much the time. And this was big change that kept happening where it does matter. And are you changing or are you administering change? Yeah, well, I think when you're administrating, you think that you're changing, but really your sort of moving geographical locations or mental geography and thinking that's a grand change. And it's like, no, you're about to reveal yourself to a bunch of new people or something into that, you know? Yeah. But this was different because all these situations were essentially, it doesn't matter if you like it or not, this is here and there's nothing you can do about it. And so you can have as many wishes as you want or as many bargaining chips as you want, but there are of no use here now. And so that just takes first admitting the reality of where you're at, you know? And I have three little ones and they're my favorite thing. And so being around them and seeing that life cycle in someone small that lives in your house, so short people that live in my house and people who I wish so desperately were still here and they're just not. And it took, I mean, it was a lot of work in the last five years. And just sitting, sitting in it. Sitting in it. Did you write about it? Did you think about it? Did you, how did you process it? I did a little bit of this EMDR stuff, which I actually quite liked. Yeah, it's great. Because it had actually some data backing up about what I get to do reality. I somehow feel like I need, it can't just be, like I said, I romanticize my ideals. I want to take a leap of faith, but it can't just be mumbo jumbo. Yeah. Because then I just feel duped. Like I bought the elixir from a carnival bar. What did you think? And if it does work, you can't, you'd never believe it. Compared to what? Yeah, like there's no reference point for that. I really, I enjoyed the EMDR and I think really, because I couldn't write about it and I couldn't start playing because I was just too... Do you journal anything like that? Well, I write and my notebooks are a bit journal, a bit, you know, complain board, a bit appreciation station, and a bit poetry, and a bit remembering stories and hoping for future ones. And so they're a real mischievous... What do you mean by remembering stories? Well, sometimes, you know, if I have a memory, I'm not much for nostalgia because it kind of makes me feel bad for some reason. It's like I look back and I tend to remember only the good stuff and so I'm like, oh, oh, yeah. And I think that's part of what I've had to learn to deal with and managing loss is that it's okay to... All I've got of lots of these people now is memories. So if I'm not willing to be nostalgic, then I'm icing out these people that I love, you know? And I also learned I can still love them now. I don't have to stop loving someone because they're not here. And in that way, I guess it makes me feel good because it makes me feel like I'm sort of celebrating what I knew about them, you know? So you will write a memory in your journal of the time me and Tony or me and Taylor or me. Yeah, me and, and especially when they're brutal. Like I said before, I just love willful stupidity because we're agreeing like, let's do this. Gene shorts, everyone, let's rock, you know? And so I, you know, a stupid walk through New Orleans with Rio on a night that should be forgotten. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just gonna admit that instead. And I won't, instead I won't forget that, you know? Like we did something regrettable, lamentable, but we did it and I can't pretend we didn't. And it's just- I'm so glad the police were cool, you know? That'd be a good name for your memoir. What's your Wikipedia entry? I know that you have two and a half. I did the 2.25 special on Netflix. What's the Wikipedia in terms of like, she's the youngest of did it up. Oh, I'm the oldest of four. Okay. Yeah. So you think I wouldn't need more attention, but apparently control issues. People hate control issues except for airline pilots and surgeons. You guys go ahead. Your mother died. That's the significant thing I was looking for. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. So we were looking for mother died. Sorry, oldest of four, dead mama. She died when you were how old? Eight. I watched it on the Jay Shetty podcast. That guy's gorgeous. Oh my God. And I watched it on mute. I don't even know what you said. And I skipped your parts. Fuck, yeah. So, yeah, sorry. I always think it's bullshit when people go, that's the most significant moment of my life. You kind of go, you don't know what the most significant moment of your life was. That's pretty fair and square, the most significant moment of your life. Yeah, I feel confident saying that. I mean, it was the most formative for sure, I think. And I don't think I realized that until the last few years of my life because I think my early 20s I was like, you're fine now. Like you, we get it, it happened. You're good. And then it just comes in waves. You know, grief isn't linear and all the things people say are true. Like, I realized. I know that if I'd listened to Jay Shetty, not on mute. I know, right? Yeah, I would have heard that by now. Well, cause even as my career started going better, I was like, I had people saying like, oh, your mom would have been so proud. And I'm like, I don't know that I would have been doing this if my mom was alive. That's a funny and potentially true thing. What were you like before she died? Do you remember? I mean, I was seven. No, but that's what I'm saying. Like, do you remember any traces of a personality? I don't remember being anxious. And I don't remember having nightmares really. And I started having really bad nightmares after she died. Why? I know right. Oh, why though? I don't understand. You think there was a connection? Maybe you're lactose intolerant. I am actually. So, you know, it's a real toss up. Maybe you need to change your diet, yeah. I changed my answer. That's the most significant. Yeah, it's the lactose. It's the lactose. Cause I remember being kind of funny before, before I was eight. I don't remember. I don't remember being funny before I was eight. So you think that it's a comedy as a nervous tick potentially? I don't know. From what I've been told by like my grandparents, I was unintentionally funny when I was a kid. I was like a kid who took themselves really seriously and that's hilarious when you're four. So I don't really remember being funny or trying to be funny before that, but you're so young. So how do you know? So a lot of it is not a direct response, but kind of a direct response to like a new life situation, a new emotional situation. And like, just like, now I'm like. Maybe. Yeah, I think maybe, but I also became way more anxious because of it. Like so terrified all the time of everything because you can't tell yourself like that's probably not going to happen or that type of thing doesn't happen. Cause you go, no, it did happen. Yeah, the worst thing happened. So like a kind of bad thing could very easily happen. Yes. So it's all on the table now forever. Yeah. Well, it opened you up to possibilities. Oh yeah. You can guess and way better cause anything you're, it really expanded your horizons of parameters of reality. Comedy has been explained as most of us have kind of a remote or sad mom. Most people in comedy. Mine's very remote. I mean, fucking talk about it. The distance. Just give us any sort of sign. Hello. Where's your dad? Oh, he passed away a few years ago. Oh, glad I asked. Were your parents still married? I'll be a really quick block. Were they married? And what kind of person was it? He had a temper, but he was a very, very gregacious guy in amongst family and friends. So he would come in the room and everyone would be like, he would be the center of attention in the room. He could always hold a room, always had jokes. And he very focused guy on education. So he would help his entire family in Malaysia. He would be the guy who'd be like, you gotta go here and study. You have to go to KL. To the point where he would force some of my cousins, like his nieces and nephews, he would force them into the car to go to the city to study. Because you need to learn accounting so that you have a future. He was the guy who was like the, and he wasn't even the oldest in the family. He was considered the younger brother. And he was well educated? He got his masters, but he got it late in life, which is why I came to America because he had two kids, his business failed and then he decided to go to college with two kids. To kind of retrain himself. And he became an executive. When he went back to Singapore, he became like a, because in the early 90s, that was the last time when an overseas education was quite impressive. And then it just, everyone started doing it? Yeah, everyone kind of has it. It's still kind of impressive, but not everyone has it. So it's a bit less like of a wild thing, but I think he caught that tail end of the, oh, you gonna study overseas? Oh wow, that kind of thing. And he was also a smart guy. So he, you know. And were you cool, tight with him? Yeah, we were cool. I don't think we were best friends, but I think we were cool, especially towards the end. I think he passed away very suddenly. So we never got to say goodbye. How do you, what happened? He was working on his farm. And he passed away on the farm. What kind of farm was it? It's not like the old McDonald's farm. It's like a Malaysian Johobaru farm. So it's not like, it's not bonds and horses. It's like the tropics, there's oil palms, there's bananas, there's a rubber tap. So it's like a, So it's like brutal? Yeah, it's pretty brutal, yeah. But he loved it. He loved it. Was he always doing that? He grew up doing that. He grew up being a, his family is rubber tappers in Malaysia, which rubber in Malaysia was like white gold back in the day. It's like that was, if you could tap rubber, it was unbelievable, especially if you own the, your own rubber trees. And so he grew up doing that, but he was like the guy in the family who went to school. He's probably the best educator in his family. Maybe, maybe, or maybe two other aunties, but he was kind of like the, the academic one. And so he left that to go to the executive life and a business executive, he kind of left farming. And then when he got older, he got retrenched and he just decided to go back to farming. Like something in him was like, I need to go back to farming. So he did it very happily. And I gotta say, the farming helped him mentally and physically so much. Even though it was like a brutal farm, he just loved it, you know? Just loved it. His farm was like our stage time. It was like, he just felt alive in that farm. What ways are you similar to him? What ways are you different? I think apparently we talk the same and we're very straight shooters and we're both, we can both be the life of the party and also the grumpiest at the party, which was probably him and he would always have the, he will always tell people how they should be better in their lives. Like you should go and do this. And that's a dumb idea. And that, you know, and I think I got a lot of that from him just being. I think I got a lot of that from him as well. He will come in and be like, you should be studying accounting. And it's like, that's a dumb business idea. He was like the ultimate management consultant. He would come in and he would- I'm gonna be honest with you. He sounds white. He sounds like a white guy. Amen. To white people don't know this. In Asia, there's people who are like that in Asia. There are white, there are white Asian. White-hearted Asians. I'm sorry he died. Are you aware of how that affected you? Do you think about it? I think I'm still dealing with it. He passed away very suddenly, very unexpectedly as well on Christmas day, which probably is also why I don't like celebrating Christmas anymore. I don't know. I don't know if I see any correlation there. And yeah, you know, I never got to say bye to him. And it was, he visited me in New York just before he passed away for the only time- What year? This was like 2017, maybe. So you're on The Daily Show. I'm on The Daily Show, he came. Yeah, he saw it. He was pretty psyched to be back in America because he went to college in America, but he had him in back sin. So his thing was I just want to go have a Dunkin' Donuts. He was like craving Dunkin' Donuts. So we just brought him to Dunkin' Donuts in New York. And I think he had a good time in New York City. White, he's white. Yeah, man. And the last time I saw him was at Terminal 8 at JFK. That was when he was waving bye to go back to Singapore. So every time I fly out there, it's fucking brutal. I bet. Yeah, it's like, oh, damn, that's awesome. Literally that TSA line is the last time I saw him. That's the American Terminal. Yeah, American Airlines. I know that terminal well. Yeah, Terminal 8. So it's brutal, yeah. Lots of brutal stuff. When he passed away, we had to go in, figure out his affairs, like his legal matters because he left so suddenly. It was very weird. He was so old school. He left all his documents on his kitchen table. So we were able to go through a paper, print it out. So he had like, he left it there like four sets. How often would he do it? What do you believe in? I think that's how he did business. I think that's how he did it because he was old school in that way. So he printed it out. But yeah, when we come in his stack, he had four stacks of folders and we had to go through each stack to figure out what he was doing. It wasn't anything shady. It was just like, we had no idea what his farming was like. And my brother-in-law is a forensic accountant. So that helped. And my wife is a lawyer. And so it was like, if there was any team that was able to crack this case, it was us. And so we just went through it for like a week. And man, it was brutal. It was brutal looking through all his stuff. His old Henry notes, you know. Yeah, must have been heartbreaking. Yeah, yeah. And it must also be, if you don't mind me saying, like kind of surreal. Yeah. Where you're like, did that happen? Yeah, yeah, it was surreal. It is surreal, yeah. I mean, your father passed away in a hospital and you said goodbye to him. You were there, you know. Yeah, I know. At least you tried to say goodbye to him. Yeah, and so, you know, people leave suddenly like that. And then you're like, oh, you know. And then you see ghosts of their life everywhere, you know. Even just last Christmas, just a month ago, I had to go back to Malaysia to finally settle some of his estate matters because of the pandemic. I haven't been able to go back to Malaysia. So we were back in his hometown. I had to go to his hometown, where she brought us to. It's funny because on Instagram, it's just, I'm in Malaysia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, doing that stuff. I'm going through an indie movie right now. Yeah, this is an indie road trip movie. Me, my mom, my sister, and we had to go back to his hometown and, you know, meet with a lawyer to sign stuff and. To figure out his rubber farm. Yeah. Sounds like a 4,000 year old job. Right, and then go and see all the family stuff, you know, where he grew up, because he had a big family. So all his families were very welcoming. You know, my dad's side, always very cool. Cool to us, like, love them a lot. So we had to meet up with all of them and, you know. Yeah, I'm sorry that, I'm sorry that it, it, I'm sorry that that's, I mean, we all have to deal with it, but that's seems like zero prep. Yeah, yeah. And zero. And we, we won't. Is it hard to know what lesson to draw from it? Like, what am I supposed to think? Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, not everything is a lesson, I guess, but I think, yeah, the obvious stuff, right? Make peace with people when you can. Make sure your, I would say, make, make your parents have a practical document of where they keep everything. In case anything happens, you don't have to be trying to go through it like a forensic accountant, trying to figure out what's going on. So at least they have some, you know, they don't need to show you, just have a practical document in addition to your wills, legal will. You have a practical document of like, I have cash in the, under my pillow here. And leave it on the kitchen table. Leave it somewhere. Leave it somewhere people can find it. Your passwords, you know, or, you know, delete, destroy my laptop, whatever your, you know, whatever your masturbation is. Yeah, whatever the thing is. Yeah, and like, what's the lesson from that? I don't know. I think that, you know, we, me and my dad went through our rough patches, I think, and we want like best friends, but we want enemies, you know, right? Well, I think we definitely love each other. Yeah, that's the other hard thing is like, he dies suddenly. And you go, man, I wish I'd been closer with him, but not because he died suddenly, because who wouldn't want to be closer with their dad? Yeah, and also you go like, man, could I have been closer with him? You know, things played out the way they played out, right? Like, how could I, you know, like, what else could I have done with, you know, in some ways what different, maybe we're two similar personalities that we couldn't be friends or whatever it was, but like, you still love each other a lot, you know, you don't have to be, in fact, the idea of being friends with your parents is not even an Asian thing to be friends with. With you 100%. My parents, my dad's dad, he's pretty old. I'm very old, about as old as you can get with his dad. And my mom's 88, my mom's still like an authority figure to me. Right, right, right. And I don't like chill around authority figures, you know, like... You're very anti-authority, man, anything. You're kind of a little bit, yeah. But that's the, like with your dad, where it's some people, there's almost like structural tension. Yeah. He's your dad, he's an authority. Yeah. So how cool could it have been and how... How cool it could have been, exactly, exactly. But I hope, I mean, it sounds like you may have like, not beat yourself up about it, but sort of question your own behavior within it. I don't know. Some of it's just personality based. Yeah, I think I'm lucky in a sense that I don't think I, obviously, you're looking back at your last WhatsApp chats with your dad, you go like, oh man, I wish I said something more than, then I don't know where to buy this drone, then. That's why he asked us, he said, hey, should I buy a drone for the farm? I'm like, I don't think you should buy a drone. I was like, you know, the worst last conversation you can have with someone else. I bet it meant a lot. I bet it meant a lot. But so you kind of like, I wish you could say stuff, you know, but... But you don't know. Well, I mean, we're all just surviving. Yeah. We're all just like, I gotta go, I mean, it's a good case for putting sugar in everything. Yes. To get... Yes, exactly. It's a good thing to fix that block. But it's very, you know, life is busy and messy and a lot of just like tedious and we're not always... Right. You know, like at least you had a relationship with him and you told him that getting a drone for a farm is not a good idea. And, you know, not for nothing, but he got to see me go on a daily show. He got to see that I wasn't, you know, like struggling in America, you know. Did you do a chat when he was there? A chat is the thing when you sit at the table with Trevor. I think so. But the thing at the... I always love Franco for this because Franco at the daily show, the sexy saxophone camera guy, he had the conversation with my dad in the hallway and Franco, so nice to see him. He was like, your son is great. He's certainly the great things. And so, like, I guess all parents, but especially like Chinese parents, like you're not good until some third party says, oh, this guy is good. And then they're like, oh man, my son is good, you know, so. So he kind of walked away from that being like, oh man, they really like you on the show, man. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny. And Franco could have just been bullshit. It's a funny, like, there should be a service where you can talk to Asian parents, where you can hire an anonymous person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be our romantic comedy that we're never gonna write. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah, did you like it though? You want more? Don't want to work? Would rather watch videos of me grab acid with people. First of all, go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says there's a high pressure system coming in. I'm not really used to the green screen.