 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents, Claudia. Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. Relax, and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. Interested in notting the architect? No. Interested in notting the farmer? No. Interested in notting the husband? Mmm, reasonably. Come on in, we'll see. I just want to hang up my coat first. No, come on, I'll hang it up later. I'll hang it up now or I'll hear about it later. Mmm, house is nice and warm. Even more important, my heart is nice and warm. Welcome home, Mr. Naughton. Thank you. It was a very pleasant surprise this morning. You said you might be late. What happened? I should be late. I should still be in town. Well, I'm glad you're not. How come you're not? I wanted to tell you I'd be late, but I couldn't get you on the phone so I had to come home. Now on, I shall keep the receiver off the hook whenever you're out. Was the phone broken? No, no, no. The operator said she couldn't get you. Something wrong with the party line, she said. You all right? See, that operator, she's been such a nuisance all day. What's been going on? Well, it's a long story. As a matter of fact, I don't even understand it myself. And maybe I can explain it to you if you will tell me. If you can, you're a lot smarter than anybody else in Eastbrook. Well, just try me. You want to see the baby first? I'll make a lap. The baby upstairs? Yep, eating his porridge and milk. Well, my lap is downstairs. It looks to me as if it is. Then much as I love my son, I'll make a lap and see him after his porridge and milk. Right. Now sit down light now. I always sit down light. Ugh! Oh, listen, it's not that bad. Your bones are too heavy. You have too many bones, many, too many. You know what, I think there's a lot more to me than meets the eye. There is. Now, tell me about the operator and the phone. Oh, yes, oh yes. David, that reminds me, I've finished darning every last one of your socks today. You don't say. Yes, I do say. Any sock in your drawer is ready to wear. Just help yourself. Just write it random. Pick one up. Write it anything. No. What do I get for it? Well, if I owned a medal, I would hang it on the tip of your nose. Hang something else on, David? There. Fourteen carrot kiss. I prefer it to a medal any day. No. What about the telephone and the operator? Oh, yes, oh yes. I was about to tell you. It reminded me of the socks, though. Well, this afternoon I was... telephone. Must have heard us talking about it. Well, ignore it. Have the person on the other end think it's broken again? I should say not. Well, then I'll answer. No, no, stay put, darling. I'm nearer to it than you are. Hmph! How light you are when you are not sitting on me. You can't the telephone ring when you're not home. It hardly rang all day. Now, everything good happens at once. Hello? Oh, Miss Tucker. Yes, I'm fine. What can I do for you? Sure, my phone's working. So's yours, too. Well, we're talking on the right now, so... Is that all you wanted to tell me? Thank you very much. Goodbye. Hey, who was it? Jerry Tucker? No, his sister. What did she want? She just wanted to tell me the phone wasn't broken anymore. Isn't it silly? No, she was so silly about it. Well, because I don't think it was honest to goodness broken in the first place. What did I do with my matches? You don't think it was broken? No. Well, maybe it didn't work a little, but certainly it wasn't broken. Well, at least ours wasn't. Maybe everybody else's on the party line was, but ours wasn't, I know. I tried to call you and couldn't. Have you got a match? That does complicate it. Here. Matter of fact, David, the telephone company even sent a man out. It wasn't just broken a little. It was out of commission. He had more ears than I ever saw in one person. Exactly. How many did he have? Only two, but I mean they seemed like more. It's the way he wore them, I guess. Sounds fascinating. It's sort of like an open closet door. You know what I mean, don't you? Maybe his ears is why he was a telephone man. Could be. He kept thinking about how hard it must be walking against the wind. It would be much worse with the wind. On a really gusty day, he probably got carried away with himself. Poor man. What did he say was the matter with the telephone? Of course, swimming. He couldn't possibly drop. In a minute, I'm going to call the telephone company myself. I'm going to ask the telephone company. They don't send telephone men around with or without ears for nothing. David, they didn't know it was for nothing until they sent the ears. I mean, the man, I was sitting here, darning your socks, just minding my own business. Answering the telephone when it rang. Making outside calls when I had to. That's all. Oh, you made outside calls, too? Certainly. So I'd certainly have been the first to notice if the phone had been broken. I dare say you would have. I call Mama, she's out. Call Mrs. Reynolds. About that recipe the other night? Oh, yeah, yeah. Call the library. What is that about? Oh, yes, about a book. A book, huh? That sounds logical. Pritz called Jared. Look, darling, I don't have to hear about each and every call you made all day. Well, I was just proving to you that our phone wasn't broken, that's all. It's just the other people's on the party line. Oh, I see. Confidentially, the telephone man and I agree. They probably don't know how to use the phone properly anyway. That's the whole thing in a much. You and the telephone man talked this whole thing over confidentially, did you? That's a nice way to talk about your party line relative. He said it was fantastic to him. How many people could use a phone for 20 years and still not know how to use it correctly? I can just hear him saying it's fantastic. How many people can use a phone for 20 years and still not know how to use it? Oh, you can't use a phone incorrectly, nobody can. Evidently, you can. Well, it was used incorrectly today. Besides, what's the difference why such a fuss? No fuss, except it's queer. Well, I told you it was, very queer. Now, I happen to like to know what condition my household equipment is in, that's all. Well, I don't blame you, I do too. Man doesn't like to come home at night and find that his phone is broken. Only it is. Very queer indeed. Well, I thought you were going to be smarter and explain it. The operator said the line was busy, and after she told me that for half an hour, even you, of all people, you can't talk a half hour. Oh, yes, I can, I have. And then I asked her to check the line. It was then that she said that it was out of order. Well, operators are human. It's only their voices that are. David, I'm glad you didn't get me or you wouldn't be home and I'd still be waiting for you. Now, how about smoking your pipe? I've got my pipe sticking in my face. What's that got to do with anything? It doesn't lift at all. The smell of it, so much part of your being home, doesn't seem natural without it. Why the pipes always go out? I don't know. You know, I still make all the telephone companies. I don't like to think of you sitting up here alone with a broken phone. Oh, so that's what's bothering you. What? I'll get you some cleaners tomorrow. You've been worried, you're worried all the way home, didn't you? Oh, yes, you did. That's why you've been harping, I can tell. Well, you're imagining things. Darling, I'm sorry you're worried. No, I'm not. In a way, I'm glad. I bet you imagined all sorts of things that happened. Oh, sure. Well, what do we do tonight? And when you came in and saw everything's all right, you wouldn't say so. Wanna go to a movie? No, there's nothing good playing. How do you know? That's what happened, isn't it? You wanna go out for dinner? It's already cooking in the stove. Can I just smell it? What? You wanna stay home? Love to stay home, darling. All right, that's what we'll do. We'll stay home. We'll have to work, do you? No, we don't have a thing to do. It makes staying home a great event. I don't have anything to do either. Not one sock left to die on. Yeah, so you told me. You told Mama, too. Now she says there's no need to come and visit us. Mama knows her place. What do we do tonight? I thought we decided to stay home. Oh, oh, oh, that's true. Remind me to measure you for a sweater, will you? A sweater. I don't need a sweater. Why are you gonna get one anyway? Gotta have something to do to keep my hands busy so my mind can wander. Oh, I see. Since I have no more socks to die on. Darling, just because you're caught up with my drawer full of socks doesn't mean that I'm going to stop walking around. Well, I'll be able to keep up with you now. It's the backlog that makes it complicated. Anyway, I don't mind dining so much anymore. I make you a confession. What? I don't mind wearing your darts anymore. Well, you won't after this. I won't. Today, even, I come home feeling as if I was walking with a pebble in my shoe. Oh, you poor thing. How sad. You make me heart sick. Anyway, no more pebbles. From now on, David, you see the thing that makes dining complicated is stretching the socks so that the threads are nice and taut. Understand? So far, yes. Now, if you keep the threads nice and taut the whole time and you're going over and on and over and on and over and on, you won't have a bunch when you're through. That's the whole thing. Oh, I see. Do you like a demonstration? Yes, I most certainly would. There might be money to be made in this thing. Exactly what I thought. I'll show you. I have a sock someplace. Now, where'd I get my sewing bag? I thought you said you were all through, darling. I am. This is a single sock. It has no mate. What happened to it? Oh, it got wrecked in the old days. I see. For my system. Pull the old mate. Take the sock and my needle and thread. And my scissors, of course. Well, don't you use that egg in your basket? I should say not. That egg is responsible for all my darning troubles. That's like a thimble. But I use it so much better, David. Actually, I should patent it. I should go into business. That's what I should do. Well, go on, Thomas A. Edison. Go on. Now, you see this darning egg, David. It has no hollow. Well, no egg has a hollow. Cicely. But a darning, darning, needs a hollow. Good, darling. You wouldn't believe it, but the gadget I need came to me while I was talking on the phone to Mama. By the time I was finished talking to the butcher, I was positive. I'd found the right doohickey, the perfect one. I'm going to patent it, too. Claudia, I am clutching to your every word now. What is this doohickey, you call it? The telephone. Look. I pick up the receiver of the phone. I put the sock on. Stretch the heel. There's a hole in the heel, see, taught over the hollow, see. After that, it's simple to go over and under over there. Anybody could dine. Sell like wildfire. David, you're making such a funny face. You're impressed, darling. Yes, I think I am. Well, frankly, so am I. Claudia, tell me, have you been darning socks all day? I told you all day. Don't you realize that no one can call you and the phone is off the hook? Of course. That's why I called Mama and the butcher and everybody. I got all my calls made before I started. And then every now and then I hang up to give other people a chance to call me, if they want to. David, I'm telling you, it's made darning a pleasure. We can make a million dollars in my system. Every housewife in America is waiting to just... Now, Claudia, Claudia, listen, listen just a moment. Yes, what? Your system only upset the whole Eastbrook telephone system. What do you mean? Well, you were the reason the telephone company was in such an uproar why they sent out a man with big ears. Oh, nonsense. David, nothing was wrong. Anybody could see that. Don't you realize you upset the whole party line? What do you mean? Well, every hole you darned threw the rest of the party line out of whack. Now, you exaggerate. I do not. To think that the life of the entire community has been hanging by a woollen thread. Well, I'll be darned. Yeah. What a yarn. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. The parts of Claudia and David on this program were played by Catherine Bard and Paul Crabtree. And the entire production was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. Time was when the woman of the house had to go to a lot of trouble to prepare for company. But today you can be ready for callers one, two, three if you have plenty of Coke cooling in the refrigerator. Buy Coca-Cola by the case. Then you can greet all comers with a welcoming smile. Coke is welcome refreshment to everyone of any age at any time. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again Monday at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice cold Coca-Cola is everywhere.