 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm your host Jonathan as I have Jonathan as a calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic How to share your feelings without scaring a man away? Okay Real quickly before we begin if you would like some advice about a man in particular in other words if there's a guy you're Dating or you're starting the process of dating and you want some male perspective Then click the link below to schedule a one-on-one chat with me to see if working with the coach is right for you in this circumstance Okay, how to share your feelings without scaring a man away You know, it's fascinating as being a dating or relationship coaches often times. I'm talking to clients and Their greatest fear is centered around expressing their feelings because they're afraid of that might scare a guy away In other words all too often I think there's this This expectation that if you open up and share your feelings and the guy isn't receptive to it that he's gonna run away He's gonna go so he's gonna disappear. He's gonna want to break up with you and I can tell you that's God Or I've got a suspect you tell me if I'm wrong is that's a really uncomfortable way to be in relationship I mean to feel like the ground underneath you isn't solid If all you do is share your feelings to share how you feel about something Just even how you you know, where's this relationship going if you're into me? I mean all these things it's got to be a really uncomfortable way to be in relationship So I'm here to say right off the bat share your feelings. Okay, share your feelings In fact, one of the chapters in my book what the heck is self-love anyway chapter one is speak your truth Do it with kindness speak your truth do it with kindness Now your truth is your feelings your truth is how you feel about something. It's not the truth It's just your truth and your feelings are your truth because your feelings can't be argued Let me repeat that your feelings can't be argued So I want to share with you how to do that in a way that land so it can be seen heard and Understood by the guy you're dating because oftentimes the real challenge with communicating your feelings that it oftentimes might come across Confrontational it might come out across as being a confrontation and not an expression of what you're feeling okay, so I Did a talk one said we need I did a workshop called we need to talk and How to bring up the touchy subjects and one of the premises was is from the beginning Think of this if you're going to share your feelings about something with respects to the relationship that I want you to think Conversation not confrontation Let me repeat that I want you to think Conversation not confrontation Okay, because that's where a lot of the times it creates a challenge in relationship And let me just share this with you going back to expressing your feelings If you're sincere and from the heart in other words if you're sharing Sincerely and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right guy Let me repeat that because that's a big one if it's sincere and from the heart You can never really say the wrong thing to the right guy now If it's coming from fear or it's coming from ego you can actually Definitely turn a man off, but let me tell you this if you are in relationship with an emotionally healthy man In other words, he's basically has fair amount of emotional IQ Then your chances are that even if you fumble with sharing your feelings, which I'm going to teach you in a moment Even if you fumble this a little bit It's going to be okay because you're put that man you're with is going to want to lean in Instead of lean back in other words, he isn't going to run away from your feelings But I do want to encourage you to begin to shift how you communicate your feelings in this particular way So if you're not familiar with the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg Isn't it interesting the title is nonviolent in other words Confrontational communication By the way, his book should have been called compassionate communication I highly recommend you getting it because the premise is this If you're feeling something then actually describe what you're feeling. I feel sad. I feel afraid I feel lonely. I feel agitated. I feel frustrated. I feel happy Express what it is you're feeling Instead of what you think about what's going on Okay, so instead of like, you know the idea of where is this relationship is going as an example, okay? You're because there's a now What you're really saying is look I'm feeling a little uncertain about the status of our relationship And I'd like to get some clarity I'm feeling Uncertainty that's the feeling uncertainty and I'd like to get some clarity so I know that we're both on the same page Can you see how that was a lot more? You know calming then where's this relationship going? I'm sorry for that dramatic effect But it's about expressing your feelings and let me also give you another tip in a second on how to begin these Conversations because framing makes all the difference and I learned this a long time ago from dr. Sherry Myers But she calls it the Oreo cookie now some people call it the ham sandwich But when you're going to express something to your partner start with something positive The idea is the chocolate the filling and the chocolate at the end. Okay the Oreo cookie start with something sweet start with something positive start with Gratitude about this person you're in relationship with that's a good place to start a Gratitude appreciation then share the what you want to share in the middle and then end with some gratitude as well That's a great way to frame a conversation. So if your boyfriend is named Tom Tom I just want to share how grateful I'm in relationship with you And I need to express that I'm feeling a bit anxious About where our relationship is going and I'd like to get your input I'd like to get your perspective on how you feel this relationship is going because I'd like to have a delicious juicy relationship with you That's long term DC I started with some sweet gave the filling and then ended with something sweet again and That's a better way to have a conversation when it come when you can begin to express your actual Feelings not from a place of telling someone what's going on or telling them what you want them to do in a Confrontational way but coming from a compassionate loving way Because as I said before if it's sincere and from the heart you can really never say the wrong thing to the right person Okay, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video Please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you like it hit like also hit my subscribe button If you like my content and please tell your friends about it and also Hey, I've got a copy of my book right there that you can get access to I've got a great group Called midlife love mastery for those that want some real great advice of an inexpensive cost And then again, you can schedule a one-on-one coaching session with me right there as well Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug if I have your consent Thank you. Oh Wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now