 In a world that's saturated with social media content, it seems like everyone and their mom these days has a podcast. But these days I see so many podcasts about relationships, hot takes, spicy topics, everybody has something to say. Now today I'm going to respond to three videos that revolve around the topics of waiting for a marriage and relationships in general. So as always, let's dive in. If you started dating a girl that wanted to wait till after marriage to do the business, right at this age right now, would you do it? No. No, I'm not doing it. I can't marry someone without knowing. Exactly. Oh, really? Dude, imagine you're on your honeymoon and you find out it sucks. Exactly. We're gonna have to turn it back. We're gonna go back. You would? You would wait? Bro, it's like, sex isn't the end all be all of the relationship. So you tell me, you tell me you watch Netflix and you go to sleep? Paul, so you'd stick it out for this girl? If she was the girl you're dreaming? If she's the girl in my dreams, then the sex is not what's making me stay. Paul's a good guy. This is a dumb myth. Now I'm not married, but I have learned a lot from married couples that I know and have watched online. The idea that you need to figure out if you're sexually compatible before you get married is only relevant if you approach relationships with the mindset of what I can get. But if you approach sexuality in your marriage selflessly, thinking of your spouse's desires before your own, there's no such thing as sexual incompatibility. You don't need to try before you buy. The truth is, it's really just an excuse to get in the sheets with somebody that you're not fully committed to in the covenant of marriage. To be blunt, based on what I've heard, it's awkward. Yeah, and it can be bad. Sure, yeah, but what happened to growing together? What happened to like, oh, okay, like, we'll figure this out together as opposed to like some sort of performance where you need to perfectly meet the expectations of your partner otherwise out the door on the streets for you. It's like, what is this? That's such a toxic way around sexuality and those expectations. Now for you guys, if your boyfriend or girlfriend or the person you're talking to doesn't really receptive to the idea of waiting for sex until you're married, like, that's not something that you should be pursuing. That should be immediate red flag because God is really clear about that like he really is. And the truth is, you really don't want somebody either that's like, oh, I guess if that's how you feel, then we can do that. Like you want somebody that has their own personal convictions about holding to what God says in his word. You don't want to be the only one that says, this is what we got to do. This is how we should go about this because this is honoring to God. You want to be on the same page in that way so you can encourage each other and not lead each other into temptation. Maybe you're thinking, well, it's just this one little thing and like we line up on pretty much everything else. Like maybe I won't find somebody else. In that context, you're being led by fear and worry and that's not a good way to approach a relationship thinking that you need to cling on to this because you feel like there's nobody else that will ever love you or will ever accept you. Like that's just a lie. Ultimately, it's not about finding a perfect person, but you want to make sure that you're on the same page of these core fundamental areas and make sure you're shirt up in this stuff too. Like where's your foundation? Are you really wanting to stick to the word of God? Is that something that God has placed on your heart to hold as a conviction or are you still kind of straining and wobbling around because it's going to be hard to go in a relationship with somebody that's also kind of wobbly on what they believe when you're not really shirt up in what you believe? The assumption very often is that you have to sort of run the gauntlet of hookup culture in order to find a partner. And one of the things that I advise in the book which I'm told is a completely crazy thing to advise is to hold off on having sex for a few months in the first few months of a relationship because it's a good way of testing whether he's serious about you. It's a good way of not being clouded by hormones if you're trying to like vet a partner. And I hear from women I'm like, what are you talking about? What kind of man is going to wait three months to have sex? A man that's actually really into you, I'd imagine. But it feels impossible. And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, we have come full circle for so long women were told that empowerment and liberation is sexual freedom. But now people are actually coming to terms with the fact that this doesn't produce the relationship that they want. Now for much of the world it's a purely pragmatic analysis. Well, I should hold off on having sex with this person because that will make our relationship stronger and ultimately, you know, give us a longer, more happy fulfilling relationship, which isn't a bad idea or want. But ultimately our goal as Christians is what does God want us to be doing in this? It's not just kind of like, how can I manipulate this relationship to make it work? But truly what has God commanded of me and what he's got desire for me. And so when we look at this idea of trying to like, okay, let's hold off for three months so then it can be a little bit better. It won't ultimately mitigate the problem of a lack of commitment or man taking responsibility or being the pursuer or being intentional or being caring even until you're in the covenant of marriage sex and sexuality will always be a detriment. It will always be a twisting of God's good gift. It will actually bring about destruction as opposed to flourishing where in marriage it is flourishing, it is fruitful. It's amazing, right? But then outside of that context, you think it will bring about closeness within the relationship. No, it brings divide. It brings shame. It brings guilt. And if you or your partner aren't right with God, you have yet to have your heart transformed, then the idea of waiting a little bit to have intimacy isn't really going to do a whole lot because you or they are still being led by their sinful desires. Quick tangent to talk about dating a non-Christian. It is much bigger than just what you're going to teach your kids. God, if she's the one, please make it clear. Bro, she's not a Christian. Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to see if it's God's will for me to date her or not. Okay, but the Bible already says we shouldn't be unequally yoked with unbelievers and that's especially true for romantic relationships. Okay, okay. I get it. I'm just trying to see if there's an exception here. Like I'm just trying to get a word from God. Man, don't try to sidestep God's word. What he's already made clear. I know it can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but you need to know it's ultimately for your good. Now, when I talked about this on Instagram, I got significant pushback because people were saying, Hey, my mom and my dad, they met and my mom was a Christian and my dad wasn't. But ultimately he became a Christian and now we have a Christian family and isn't that amazing. So your idea, your belief that you shouldn't date a non-Christian doesn't recognize there is the reality of that, you know, good things can come from this and God can use this. Look, I have similar stories in my life and with people that I know. But ultimately we need to be asking ourselves a question. Does the fact that God used an unwise decision to bring about something great, justify our constant making of those unwise decisions? Like, are we in the back of our mind saying, Well, I know this isn't good or this isn't ideal or this isn't maybe even God glorifying and isn't a wise decision, but you know, God could bring something really amazing out of it. Like, yeah, but we're stepping into sin. Like God directly says, like do not step into sin, do not be unequally yoke with unbelievers. I know people are still not going to be convinced. They're going to say, no, I can convert them or, you know, I have examples in my life of it going good afterwards. And but the truth is, is like, do you really want to not only kind of rebel against God's wish for you, but also kind of enter into this situation where you are either forced at the end of the day, if they do not convert to you either compromise or to enter this relationship where they're following the ways of the flesh and you're walking walking the ways of the spirit and there is a direct divide there. Like, do you really want to enter a relationship like that? I know some people say, well, I'll break up with her if she doesn't become a Christian at the end of the day. It's like really like you want to have all that time leading up to this moment where you just have to break up with her because she didn't make that decision. I know people think it's a great opportunity to be a witness and be, you know, I can be a good example, but you don't want to bring that into a relationship. You can do that as a friend. You can be a witness as a friend. And yeah, you can help people grow within a relationship, but if they don't have that core fundamental foundation of a relationship with Jesus, it is going to be extremely challenging. And that's part of the reason why God doesn't want us to enter into those relationships. I know some of you aren't convinced. That's fine. This is my perspective is what I believe God is teaching in his word, but I would just caution you to not just say, Oh, well, God can bring something good out of this. Like you're immediately justifying the fact that you know it's not the wisest decision. Cool. It feels like if you go out there on the daisy market and you have that restriction applied, you can't compete. Well, you can't compete. You're not going to get as many dates, but the point of dating isn't to get a date. I don't know what the studies show, but I would argue that this isn't good for men either. And it doesn't make men happy either because actually men also feel discussed about hookup culture and sex. It might be like a bit of a status boost and a temporary fleeting moment of joy or whatever. But actually I don't think on the long run that makes men happy either. I totally agree. Your goal isn't just to find a date or go out with somebody. Your goal is to find someone that you could see yourself marrying, spending the rest of your life with. And obviously that's a, that's a high expectation and you don't kind of push that in on a first date. But ultimately it's like, Hey, yeah, that's the purpose. It's not just to go out with random people. It's to say, can I see myself spending my life with them and also serving God with them? I think we're often caught up in the mentality of what feels good in the moment. And we're not really so concerned with the vision of this relationship. Can you build with this person? Can you grow with this person outside of their physical characteristics? What do you admire about them? All important questions I want to know from you. What are some questions that you would add to that that you should be asking yourself as you're evaluating? Is this somebody that I want to spend my life with or even just date or go out with? Put those in the comments down below. I just want to pop in here real quick and tell you a little bit about Patreon. Patreon is a way that people support me on a monthly basis so I can continue to make content that equips people to follow Jesus daily. Thank you to everyone that's already signed up. And if you haven't and you're interested, we do video calls. We have exclusive videos. There's an exclusive discord. I'd be so grateful if you signed up and supported what I'm doing. Click the link in my description now onto the video. What do you guys think is the worst thing about being in a relationship? The worst thing? I have an answer in my head but I'm about to get canceled for this. Cancelled. Get canceled. Yeah, get canceled. I'll get canceled with you. You say what you want to say and I'll say like I agree. I mean because it's only beautiful things to be in a relationship and I'll say the bad thing is well you don't have options anymore. I don't agree with that. What do you mean you don't have options anymore? I just got to make a statement to the camera, to my wifey. I don't agree with that. I'm super happy with just one option. You know I think a lot of men and women can resonate with this sentiment but I think it's a large part due to like the Tinder movement and not necessarily online dating but that we are so connected on social media sliding into somebody's DMs. There are so many options for so many folks. I know some people you don't feel that way and maybe that's because your standards are that much more high and that's a good thing. Like take that as a badge of honor but for a lot of folks in the world it feels like hey man like there's so many people, there's so many options and then you just get into comparison mode. You're looking and you're saying well all these things line up but maybe I could find somebody just a little bit better just a little bit more attractive. I think generally in culture the idea of settling down can be seen as like a burden to those who are just really in it for themselves. They're looking out for their long-term personal pleasure and so the idea of settling down with one person, man that's a risk. What if they don't give me what I need for the rest of my life? At the end of the day it comes down to what you believe a relationship is for. Yeah it's about companionship. Yeah it's about finding that romantic connection and being with somebody that you love and like all that is great. What I personally need or my personal satisfaction or my personal fulfillment is at the core kind of primary striving or pursuit. I believe ultimately God created a relationship to image him and bring him glory so God is at the center not our own personal needs. That doesn't mean that we push what we want out of a relationship at the door. That doesn't mean we just settle or we push away our own personal preferences but it means at the core of it this is about God and so that we can be at peace. That when we've kind of been through all the stages of seeing okay is there red flags here are there yellow flags what are the issues here do that we line up on the core beliefs and lifestyle and stuff like that. Like once you've been through that then you don't need to worry about okay like what if we get into this relationship and we maybe even get married and 20 years down the way like I'm not getting what I need. You don't need to have that be a primary concern because ultimately it's not about you getting exactly what you need all the time. It's about this kind of area of sacrifice. It is a sacrifice because you're looking at the needs of somebody else not just yourself. I think in general people have been fed this lie that long-term relationships in marriage are just by nature burdensome and onerous and they get stale and dry as time goes by. Maybe you've seen examples of that kind of marriage in your own life and it scares you off from oh do I really want to be committed to this person for my whole life because maybe we'll end up like that and I've had those same thoughts too as somebody that's not married. Some of the couples that I know paint a very different picture of growing together of loving one another of of stretching one another to be more like Jesus that kind of companionship that moves beyond just the passion of the beginning but enters into this long lifetime stable and sacrificial love. That is the kind of relationship that I want to strive towards. Thanks so much for watching guys. I hope you enjoyed it and if you did subscribe because I'm putting out new videos like this all the time. God bless and I'll see you next time.