 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike when you buy keep your eye on the red bullseye Keep your eye on the red bullseye When you buy keep your eye on Lucky Strike LSM FD Lucky Strike means fine tobacco Lucky Strike presents the man who knows mr. William Curran of Durham, North Carolina Here's what this top-flight tobacco auctioneer said recently at more than a thousand auctions I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by fine tobacco that sweet and mild Just chock full of smoke and enjoyment year after year experts like mr. Curran the impartial authorities of tobacco quality Can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco So when you buy keep your eye on the red bullseye Keep your eye on the red bullseye When you buy keep your eye on Lucky Strike and remember LSM FD Lucky Strike means fine tobacco So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky Strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Barring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Rochester Dynasty and yours truly Don Wilson ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills Where as you know, he lives alone with his butler Rochester It's 9 30 in the morning and as usual one is in bed while the other is in the kitchen preparing the breakfast Now let's see where are the eggs? So hard to find anything in this refrigerator Maybe ought to trade it in I Hear the newer models have a light in them Oh, here's an egg on the bottom shelf Potatoes are cheaper tomatoes are cheaper now is the time to that song doesn't fit now Yeah, I'm hungry. I think I'll scramble my egg Let's see. How do you scramble? Oh, yes, first I'll break it into this bowl Hmm. Gosh, I'm weak in the morning Maybe I better have my orange juice first Yeah, I'll make some yeah, it orange juice looks good Now to get the seeds out One two Oh, there's another seed three. Well, they're planted Potatoes are higher tomatoes are higher now's the time to sell your car La la la la la la la la Yum bum bum bum bum Now to have my orange. That's funny the glass is empty Somebody drank my orange juice There's nobody in the house, but Rochester. That's it Rochester wait a light Rochester Rochester juice drink my orange juice Mmm Rochester you're not fooling me get up blue bleep Rochester, I know I'm cute honey, but control yourself Maybe he is asleep. I'll tickle him and wake him up Rochester. Oh, it's your boss. What a disappointment Never mind that you sneak downstairs drink my orange juice and get back in bed orange juice I was sound asleep sound asleep and how come you woke up so fast when I tickle you you were using the hand you had in the icebox Now Rochester, I made a glass of orange juice stepped out in the backyard for a minute And when I came back the orange juice was gone. Maybe the mice drank it My stone drink orange juice in California All right, we'll talk about it later Now get about up that bed. I want you drive me down to the doctor's office. I've got to go for a physical What's matter boss? You feel bad? No, no, it's just that my sponsor is taking out an insurance policy on me and I have to be examined How much is the policy for a million dollars? But if I'm killed accidentally the sponsor collects two million dollars two million. Yes Boss, you better keep your you better hope that guy keeps his eye on the red bull's eye Well that joke was lousy You mean the commercial Well, I'm not worried about that. No, they shoot that gun in another studio way over on Sunset in Highland I don't even pass there on my way home. I know but for two million dollars They can make a bullet that waits for you at Pico in suburb of them. Are you talking about my sponsor? Just trying to protect his investment. That's all now hurry downstairs Imagine him denying that he drank that orange juice Got a good notion of make him stay in bed all day No, he'd like that. No seeds in this one I'm in the kitchen What are you doing here so early early? I was here ten minutes ago I came into the house walked into the kitchen. Nobody was there. So I drank a glass of orange juice and left Mary you You drank my all right. Here's a dime Okay smarty. I bet you'd be surprised if I took it. I wouldn't be surprised if you sued me Anyway, Mary, I've made a terrible mistake. I accuse Rochester of drinking my orange juice. Well, that's you Jack Always jumping at conclusions. I do not what about that morning? You got out of bed and accused Rochester of taking your new suit. Well, then you took off your nightgown and there it was That wasn't my fault when I come home tired. He's supposed to undress me Well, anyway, I drank your orange juice and you ought to apologize to Rochester. Oh, Mary I don't have to apologize. I mean he knows I'm sorry He does not you've got to tell him. Oh Mary, I can't you can't tune. I'll be a man. Oh, hello, Miss Livingston. Oh, hello Rochester and mr. Benny has something to say to you Jack go ahead Well, Jack. Oh All right, Rochester turn around and face them Go on Rochester. Yes boys. I'm sorry. I said you drank my orange juice What a baby. Well, I better get the car out. I gotta take mr. Benny to the doctor the doctor before the sponsor took out an insurance policy Oh, mr. Benning. He has to be examined. Oh, you think you'll pass it Rochester pass it. Oh sure, Miss Livingston Haven't you seen his muscles? Yeah, they were hanging on the line when I came in Rochester. Oh, you're back. Yes. Now Rochester get the car now will go now Mary I've got a hurry away. So you try and Know darn it. There's the phone just when I'm ready to leave Hello, hello Jack guess who this is Huh, who is this? I'm in a hurry. Well, I'll give you a hint roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and I'm lumpy, too Oh for heaven's sake down I have to rush away. What did you call me for well Jack? I've got the quartet here. We got a wonderful idea for a commercial, but down I don't want to hear it over the phone. You can wait to rehearsal Anyway, I don't like the songs that the sportsman picked. Why don't they pick some things classy once in a while? Well, we've got one now Jack. It's listen to the mockingbird. Oh Oh, you mean the one that goes Listen to the mockingbird listen to the mockingbird. Yes. Yes. That's the one. Oh, well, that's well Let me hear it. Are the boys close to the phone? But good He is saying lucky strikes the smoke for me very good SMFT They're so round and so firm and so fully So fully fully so fully fully why so round and so firm and so fully Why so fully fully fully fully what? Boy Boy The Red Bulls Hard out so nice and then go crazy I mean we can't use that commercial It's too noisy. Where'd they get that gun? They found it on a bench at Pico and Sepulveda Nothing. Nothing. I'll see you at rehearsal Hmm, I thought Rochester was only guessing Well, I'm gonna have my orange juice and then go Rochester you get the car started. Okay, boss When I know you're going out the next morning. I let it run all night Car run all night doesn't that bring up an awful lot of charcoal? Rochester, let's go look who's here. Hello everybody. I came in through the kitchen. Oh, hello, Dennis Hello, mr. Benny, and thanks for the orange juice for heaven's sake now I'll have to squeeze another one and only last week the president asked us to conserve food I know it's a problem, but everybody should do it. My mother conserves food every night Well, well, she deserves a lot of credit. How does she do it? When it's time for dinner. She locks me in a closet Dennis, but I got even with her I ate the doorknob What now every little thing turns my stomach? I haven't had my breakfast yet What brings you over here anyway? Well, I have an arrangement for a cute little song Which I just recorded for RCA Victor and I wanted you to hear it. I know but I have to hear it now So early. Oh, this isn't early. Mr. Benny I get up every morning at seven go out to Griffith Park set up my easel and do landscapes What? Dennis, I didn't know you do landscapes Yeah, but I guess I'm not very good because people pass by look at the canvas shrug their shoulders and walk away Well, don't let that bother you. I can't understand it. I use the most expensive brushes well What kind of paint do you use? Oh? Paint look Dennis you sing your song for Mary and she'll tell me how it is I got to rush away to the doctors. I don't blame you. You look awful Sing Dennis you said it. I'll see you kids later. Good. Bye Once and he would Pursuit her all Wisconsin her Johnson sings once in this song. Oh, he'll the oh, he'll the Ivan take your grand Will you oh will you let why should ask you? Do you love me too? See you're sure you betcha a bend Yes, I do a sure do love you too, too I do you too you Rochester awfully late. Can't you go a little faster? Okay? You know right after I take my physical will go down to Rochester Rochester they got me They got me get back in the seat boss. That was only a tire. Yeah, I should have known we're only at Pico and Robertson Rochester you change the tire and I'll walk to the doctor's office from here Let me see his office should be around here. Oh, there it is doctors Fenchel and Gordon Oh Yes, sir. Oh, I'm mr. Benny nurse. I have an appointment for a physical examination. Oh, yes Yes, I'll have to fill out this form your full name, please Jack Benny your birthplace walkie in Illinois your age 38 Your height five foot ten your weight 157 your age 38 Your home address 700 Northwrexford your business address 360 North Camden Drive your age 38 Robin egg blue if you'll just sit over there and wait the doctors will see you in a minute. Thank you She that nurse is an attractive girl I wonder if she'd go out with me if I asked her for a date. I wonder how she'd look without those white stockings I wonder how she'd look without that uniform. I wonder how she'd look in a bathing suit. I Wonder how she oh, I'm being silly Anyway, I don't think that she's so long doctor. Thanks a lot Phil. Oh, hi you Jackson Phil. What are you doing here? Well, Jackson. I didn't want to worry anybody, but I've been having terrific headaches. Yeah Yeah, so I came up here to find out what was wrong. The doctors took some x-rays of my head Here you want to see one of them? No x-rays are all the same just bones, you know Here take a look at mine Well, what do you know as the first skull I ever saw with curly hair Phil how did this happen x-rays never show hair. I had it retouched See what's this writing down in the corner of the x-ray the name of the doctor? No, no, it says to Alice would love I'm giving it to her for her birthday Well, why in the world would you give Alice an x-ray for a present? Why not? She's got everything else. Oh That's logical Tell me Phil what did the doctors do about your headache plenty them doctors are plenty smart Jackson first They gave me a complete physical then they gave me all the allergy tests And then they check my reflexes and then they psychoanalyze me and they find out why you have headache Yeah, my band plays too loud No, they have the audacity The audacity to tell you that yes, and in Latin, too Oh What are you doing here? Oh, it's nothing. I just came for an insurance examination. Why don't you wait for me Phil won't take long Oh, I can't I'll meet an Alice downtown. We're going to a movie. Oh, what picture you're gonna see mother was tight That's mother war tight. That ain't bad either dad So on Phil mr. Benny the doctor is waiting for you good good. I'll go right in. Oh doctor Jack Benny was mortuary Having lunch with Ralph Pierce. Oh, we're quite friendly. I throw him a lot of business The 130 at the brown derby and now mr. Benny. I'll get my associate in here and we'll give you your examination Oh, dr. Gordon. Will you help me with this examination? This is mr. Benny. Please to meet you dr. Gordon Oh, thank you. Now mr. Benny. Will you please strip? You mean undress? Yeah All right. Our last patient was gypsy Rose Lee That screen and take off your clothes. Yes, sir. Then you already dr. Fenchel and I will be in the next room. Oh Doctor, I have been concerned about that call you made this morning any information yet Yes, I got a report from dr. Stanley and it's It's all over. What was the result she ran fifth and be lose four bucks Gee we took a beating on the Dodgers, too. I wonder what's taking him so long Mr. Benny, have you got all your clothes off? Yes Yes Then come out from behind that screen Oh gee Don't I get a balloon or something? Just slip on this gown. Yes, sir There I'm ready very well now hold still mr. Benny while I listen to your heart just a minute I want to adjust my stethoscope there That's certainly a peculiar heartbeat. Well, it has to beat like that. It's in my contract And now mr. Benny, will you please step behind this fluoroscope? Yes, sir. Good contact a contact Mr. Benny there seems to be a round metallic object near your kidney. Well, that's a quarter. I swallowed years ago Shall we dr. Gordon? Mr. Benny, will you please hiccup? Hiccup? Yeah It's tails dr. Gordon you lose Is this anyway? And now mr. Benny drink this glass of barium barium you mean all that white stuff Yes, it's a harmless chemical and when you drink it we can follow its course through the fluoroscope No, all right Here tastes awful drink it off There look dr. Fenton the barium has reached the esophageal entrance and there it goes over the cricoid cartilage behind a tracheal bifurcation to the arc of the aorta Now it's passing the esophageal hiatus if it passes Pico and Sepulveda it's dead Now it's going through the esophageal gastric junction now It's coming around the kidney on the outside hit it into the home stretch. It's barium sulfate by two lengths What's going on here? Did Phil Harris have to drink that barium? No, he insisted on a martini Martini, well, how could you trace it? We followed the alley. I should have known Is that is that all dr. Yeah, that is all for now you can go. Thank you Goodbye. Oh, mr. Benny. Yes, you'd better put your clothes on. Oh, yeah My clothes I forgot Pretty girl is like a melody Oh Well, I'm all dressed. Goodbye doctors. Good night, mr. Benny. Goodbye nurse your age 38 Ladies and gentlemen, it's an old American custom to help the other fellow and one of the best ways I know of helping those in need is through the community chest By treating vital problems as they arise red feather services Prevent these problems from spreading throughout the community and affecting the welfare of the nation By giving to the community chest you benefit millions of Americans directly and all of us indirectly The sign of the red feather is the sign of a good neighbor So give generously to the community chest. Thank you When you buy keep your eye on the red bull's eye Keep your eye on the red bull's eye If you're eye on lucky strike LSMFT lucky strike means fine tobacco and fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette Lucky strike presents the man who knows mr. Harry King of Durham, North Carolina This veteran tobacco buyer recently said at auction after auction I've seen the makers of a lucky strike by a real fine tobacco that smokes up smooth and mild and that's not all for his Mr.. King also said I pick a luck is myself smoked them for 18 years and as lucky strike smokers say That's my kind of a cigarette real smooth smoking. So when you buy keep your eye on the red bull's eye Keep your eye on lucky strike and remember LSMFT lucky strike means fine tobacco So smoke that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Yes, when you buy keep your eye on the red bull's eye Keep your eye on lucky strike Ladies and gentlemen stay tuned in for Phil Harris's program Which follows immediately and tune in to a day in the life of Dennis day on Wednesday night And Jack, how did your physical come out? Oh fine primary, but I have to go back tomorrow Why I forgot my underwear This is NBC the national broadcasting company