 Item Number SCP-420-J Object Class Awesome Hey man, that's not a real class, you gotta make it safe or something, doctor. Oh yeah, you're right man, it's totally safe, doctor. Object Class Totally Safe Special Containment Procedures We keep it down in room in the basement of building that site. The password is… What are you doing, man? You can't just tell everyone what we keep the… Cause then everyone's gonna come down here and get some, doctor. Hey, you can't say… In the articles, man. Oh. Oh sh… Doctor. Description. Okay, so I got this stuff when we were down in Jamaica. Really strong stuff with lots of blue and red mixed in it. Good… Man. Me and… We were smoking that stuff down there with… And skinny. When. Says. He says to me, Hey man. We should take this stuff back and send it through that machine thing that changes things and makes things better. And I said that was an excellent idea, and so we did. Man, we tried it on very fine first, and whoa, we were laughing for weeks. Sucks would happen to… still funniest, though, doctor. So we get this really great out of the machine and me and try it out, and we're like, whoa, man. That is some excellent… But then we used it all up and didn't have anything left but the seeds, and we figured we couldn't just get rid of them, so we decided to plant them and grow them, and then was like, Hey man, what about that dirt that makes… Grow real fast? And I said that was an excellent idea. So we went and got some dirt and planted the seeds in it, and whoa, man. That is some excellent experiment log, test one. We should give some of this to that big, lizard thing. It'll totally mellow him, doctor. Yeah, man, but what if he gets the munchies, doctor? Test two, man. I gave some of this to Josie, and she chased her tail for, like, two hours, doctor. Note, animal testing of SCP-420-J is no longer allowed. Junior researcher has been identified in security footage fleeing sight in a stolen maintenance vehicle with an SCP-420-J affected canine. Further research pending, Dr. Jones. Test three. We should totally give some of this to Iris, man. Doctor. Man, quit trying to get laid with that, doctor. Test four. Oh, man, let's give some of this to, oh, what's his face, that kick-ass guy, doctor. How? I say, gentlemen, your SCP-420-J certainly causes one to experience the most extraordinary of sensations. This serves, indeed, quite excellent. Do that, doctor. Test five. Hey, man, what if I give some of this to that freaky statue thing? Doctor. Why, man, he's, like, already stoned. Doctor. Disciplinary review. Upon discovery of this extremely unprofessional behavior, all remaining samples of SCP-420-J have been confiscated. Dr. Clef. Addendum. Can anyone tell me why Dr. Clef just walked in here demanding stir-fried noodles, pizza, corn chips, and dark chocolate? He was smiling, too. What the fuck, cafeteria staff. Addendum. Two. Um, man, he even took the stash of seeds in my- Doctor. Sorry, man, I know a guy in- Doctor. Addendum. Three. Where can I score some of this? Doctor. Fredrick's. Addendum. Four. See also extended SCP-420-J experiment log. Extended SCP-420-J experiment log. Yeah, so, remember a while back with me and- We got hold of that excellent, and we were like, whoa, holy. That is excellent, and then we shared some of the- We had? Well, like, dude, we should do that again, and I'm like, yeah, man, we totally should. And so we did. Uh, test one. Hey, man, you're used that one the last thing, Doctor. Oh yeah, hold on, let me count. Doctor. Test a billion. What the- Man, you can't count that high. Fix that. Doctor. Test a. Hey, man, I gave some of this to that dude with the arm. Doctor. Did he like it, man? Doctor. I think so, man. He gave me a thumbs up, Doctor. Transcript SCP-1193-2-WDY-4. Human Recording, April 1st, 2016, 1026AM. Doctor. Ernest. Hello? Who is calling please? SCP-1193-01. Dude! I'm sorry? Oh my god, man, it's just- Dude! I'm sorry, I don't understand, what are you talking about? Dude, this- It's excellent, man. What's, um, this you're talking about? Oh, sorry, man, gotta go, Dave's here. Call terminated in recording. Test B. I gave some of this to those hot cat girl chicks, man. Doctor. I told you, man, quit trying to get laid with that. Besides, man, they can totally kick your ass all the way back to LA, Doctor. I know, man, they totally did. Totally worth it, though, man. These chicks really know how to get spaced out, Doctor. Test C. What if it gave some of this to that dude who doesn't like anybody? Maybe it'll mellow him out some, Doctor. Go away, monkey man, you don't deserve this. SCP-1171-1. Dude, that- Weren't, Doctor. Test D. Hey, man, what happened when you gave that to that basketball game, Doctor? Oh, wow, man. It turned into a dead show, Doctor. Ah, yeah, man. Was Jerry there? Doctor. Yeah, man, he looked pretty good, too, for, you know, being dead and all, Doctor. Test E. Hey, man, let's give some of this to that weird clown guy, Doctor. I don't know, man. Clowns are some scary, Doctor. Tell Harry, man, it'll be cool, Doctor. Incident CN-0993-Q. On April 8, 2016, a new episode of Bobble the Clown was intercepted. Her name, Bobble gets baked. Episode Description The episode begins with Bobble the Clown sitting on a couch smoking a comically-overside marijuana cigarette. Instead of the typical clown outfit, Bobble is wearing a Bob Marley T-shirt, a grey hoodie, and pajama bottoms decorated with marijuana leaves. The rest of Bobble's costume, hat, wig, makeup, nose, gloves, and shoes are as typical. The episode is divided into three segments. How to roll the perfect doobie, how to make a bong out of found materials, and how to take over the regional black market drug trade with ruthless efficiency. The last segment is by far the longest. It ends with a six-plus-minute montage of Bobble the Clown gunning down drug rivals using a wide variety of powerful firearms. I told you, clowns are scary as- Doctor. Yeah, man, totally. But that clown knows his- Doctor. Test F. Man, I tried to give some of this to that old dude who keeps getting cut up, but he just said no, Doctor. Test G. Hey, man, we should give some of this to that guy, oh, what's his name, oh yeah, Spanky, Doctor. Incident DK-2337-48-L On April 17, 2016, at 2335, an excessive auditory event occurred in Interview Room 19 at Site-17. Non-pressure measurements estimated loudness in excess of 120 decibels within 10 minutes of Interview Room 19, setting off seismic detectors around the site. Witnesses describe this sound as, quote, like a hacking cough except cacking, unquote. Dude, cack, man, just cack, Doctor. Whoa, that's some deep, man, Doctor. Test H. Yeah, man, so I was looking for a place to light up without any people around, so I went out on the staircase, man, it looked all right, quiet, no one around, but then all this freaky started happening, and I got out of there, man, but I must have dropped my joint back there somewhere. I just lost my- Man, Doctor. Image captured April 22, 2016 at 1648. Yeah, we're done here.