 talking about worry and the Lord says verse 32 for after all these things the Gentiles seek for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things verse 33 but seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you verse 34 therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about its own things sufficient for the day is its own trouble because we are just focusing on verse 33 seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and a very important verse on priority and this these verses just go on to say that worry actually causes reorganizing of our priorities when we worry when our mind is preoccupied certain other things when we are unable to focus we are our mind we reorganize our priorities and the Lord Jesus reminding us about staying focused on on on on the priorities that we have at hand you know I was reading something yesterday it goes like this focus starts with elimination improves with concentration and compounds with continuation let me just read that again focus starts with elimination which means we eliminate everything that's taking us away from what we should be focusing on you know what is our priority so elimination so focus starts with elimination improves with concentration so when we continue to concentrate on it it improves our focus actually begins to you know begins to we realize the strength of that focus and it compounds meaning it exponentially grows focus with the continuation you know if we continue in it if we are consistent in it we actually experience a growth exponential growth of focus and the Lord is saying this seek first the kingdom and his righteousness the righteousness of God the rule and reign of God and all these other things will be added but worry does not do anything except cause you to reorganize your priority or you know it causes you to reorganize not in the right way not in the correct way but really a cause of us to focus on things or take our mind off the things that we should actually focus on right so the Lord Jesus assurance is this for your father knows that you need all things so go with the priorities go with the seeking him seeking his rule and reign over all things in our lives right okay let's pray father we we just want to thank you lot thank you for reminding us Lord and bringing our bringing our focus on to Lord what really matters father God father we thank you that you know our needs Lord and you don't be little them Lord we thank you that you know the need a legitimate Lord and my father God we since you know Father God that you have need of these things you also care enough to provide for these needs father God and whatever they might be Lord in whatever realm lot physical emotional and spiritual know God so Lord we are in obedience to your word Father God we just invite your rule and reign and we say oh Father God we seek first your role we seek first your kingdom and your righteousness in all matters in all things God and we know that Lord you will you will do the addition you will do the restoration and bringing in Lord all these things that we are Lord we might be worried about and today we just reject worry in the name of Jesus just go ahead and just reject you know whatever is causing worry just reject it and refuse to refuse to worry just stand firm on faith stand firm the reassurance of the words of Jesus reassurance based on his character and nature and then his word to us it's choose to be anchored upon it and then say you know I will not worry I choose not to worry I choose not to be preoccupied with things that will not benefit and so I choose to focus on God yes Lord you said oh God that you will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you Lord enable us to be stayed on you Father God that our minds we stayed on you and that you will keep us in that place of Shalom Shalom we thank you you thank you Lord we just give you all the praise and glory in Jesus match this name we pray amen okay so picking up from where we left off we've been looking at nurturing relationships right we see that relationships need our time our energy our abilities our relationships require that and I think that's where we stop to kind of you know have or had one introduction and then we said okay let's look at what else is required to nurture a relationship or some of these things we we've done it and when we were growing up we've nurtured we spend time we spend you know investing in each other's lives even without knowing it if you look at some of our friendships see those common things of time spent of doing good things to others of sharing one's life etc you know confiding and all those things helping one another so we see all these common traits and then it becomes difficult when we are we're actually adults and we need to do this intentionally you know whether it's a mentoring kind of a relationship or a or a work kind of a setting or a ministry setting right but this is something as leaders we need to understand that relationships are not automatic relationships need nurture okay so so let's look at four things for four principles that John see John C Maxwell talks about in winning with people and talks about how we need to nurture okay so the thing is to the first principle that he talks about is the gardening principle right how a garden needs nurture a garden needs a work a garden needs protection and so on so the garden does not happen automatically then you know the next time we see you know you see a good garden you see you know plants thriving you realize that a lot of work has gone into it a lot of careful attention to detail has gone into it you know there were times that watering and and you know I'm not a garden gardening person but my wife is right but so I don't really understand now I'm beginning to learn to understand all that goes into it you know there's some planting there's some repotting there's some you know a whole lot of things I think those who are gardening enthusiasts will understand that right that we some reading happening some you know all those things so you see that in a garden a simple thing like a garden requires all that requires in other words we need to cultivate okay so relationships need to be cultivated okay so we understand the word cultivate about effort that goes in okay so some questions that we can ask ourselves is am I cultivating what is required in relationship right you know so we're talking about relationships in general but as you know when we talk about relationships just keep in mind the focus on you know as maybe a spiritual leader and the emphasis to be on that right so well the question we need to ask is no is this a continual part of my life or do I do this sporadically and is that why I'm not seeing results and I'm not seeing this traction traction with people right so so let's just you know ask ourselves that that question you know am I cultivating am I really investing the word is investing you know invest there is a return okay so the thing is this that we cannot neglect okay relationship and have this expectation that it will somehow grow flourish right you cannot neglect it and then have the expectation opposite of it we need we need to do the opposite of like like in the sense we need to give attention we give attention and do the right things you know it doesn't cultivate means taking off what is unnecessary right what is unhealthy what is toxic removal of that cultivate is to bring in what is healthy right to add on what is healthy so it is both both of that right so we cannot neglect this aspect of bringing in certain things or even removal of what is unhealthy in a relationship and expect that somehow this will grow right this will thrive so if you talk about maybe a team if you're talking about even individuals if you're talking about you know church we need to cultivate and it becomes more and more difficult when when the when there is a big number right and so the thing is we're not expected we're going to look at that you know we're expected to just spread ourselves thin and you know and do this kind of investing with each and every person so for the simple reason that all relationships are not the same okay we understand that right even even if it's a you know in a in a simple setting like maybe a church setting a small church setting we see that there is we've talked about it there is that core the leaders the leaders who are part of the core and maybe commit then we have a few people outside of that core who are committed right they are not part of the core they can actually move into the core over a period of time then you have then you have the community who are you know regularly connected and a part of part of the gathering we are looking at an example of a church of course and then we would say what we could call as the crowd right they are now the challenge in a church is to move right constantly keep moving from the crowd to the community to the committed to the core right so we have this now in that kind of a city setting now we're not going to be let's say the pastor or the core leader is cannot really invest in everybody right so that goes on to say that all the relationships are not the same okay if you look at the life of the Lord Jesus well there were Peter James and John Peter and John were with him and we read about them and then we read about a 12 and we read about the you know the others the 120 and so on so we see that the time spent the kind of interaction that the Lord had with with each of them in his earthly ministry was different right and now of course we have the privilege of having the Holy Spirit with us he's with us and we have that one on one but we cannot do that that one on one with each and every person okay so all relationships are not the same and also all relationships do not need the same quantum of time or the same quality of attention we need to understand it I think that will really enable us to conserve strength to reprioritize our time and effort so so we need to understand all relations do all relationships do not need the same kind of time and same kind of attention and it helps to keep that that picture in mind the code of committed community the crowd in a formal setting but if you look at our own lives individually all relationships do not need that same kind of time and attention and we have you know if you're married you have your spouse and and then we have you know others in the family then we have the extended family then we have you know other friendships or maybe you know from the spouse that immediate family could have other friends or that kind of overlap sometimes and that also hits problems right then we have the extended family then we have you know colleagues and others who are there right so now if we are going to give if you go don't give the right amount of time and attention or for the ones who are close to us and if we kind of reverse that flip that that is not going to be helpful okay so you know John C. Maxwell actually talks about a couple of things he says you know relationships happen for a reason a reason meaning you know they could be let's say we could have a assignment a short project you know for example I'm just thinking about you know as a as a teaching minister as part of the ministry we have we had what it what is called as the short term Bible colleges a short term Bible course and this is typically you know over a period of and we're going to have that pretty soon in in Bangalore as well so it's a typically two and a half months ten weeks right where as teachers you know we go we invest and it's for a period of a week or five days of teaching five or six days teaching and then we get back so now that's an intense time where there's a lot of investment of time and and also you know in relation relationally you know we're spending time with people answering questions now that's for a short time so it happens for a reason it is a could be an assignment a short term project or it could be because of a need like you know you are you know maybe you know you're visiting a doctor or you know someone you know you're taking counsel from and it's for a reason right so when we talk about those kind of relationships there are factors like time and attention and everything the second thing is it could happen for a season we need to be aware of that also well here we are online class and you know been kind of journeying for the last two years and maybe one more year some of us you know and some of us might decide okay two years is fine I'm happy with the diploma kind of thing or I might continue in another format e-learning that's fine you know it happens for a season and spending this time right but some relationships are for a lifetime okay so those three things you know it happens for a reason it could be for a kind of season and it could be for a lifetime so we need to really understand okay what is the nature of relationship and that will require once we understand so the question is you know so how do I how do I you know identify it how do I know what what if this you know this goes beyond a season let me just put this here put a season or could have a reason for that you know relationship and and so on yeah so so what if how do I know well we need to ask that we need to ask ourselves that question we need to use our judgment you know where does it fit in you know where does it slow and it's there's no one answer there's no you know one formula it's it's a case by case thing how did you know Paul you know out of all those people out of all those young men there you know in where he met Timothy Lister Derby and you know the trend cities where we met so I'm sure there must have been many but why is it that there was this connect with Timothy right obviously God ordained and also Paul was sensitive and obedient and he saw something he discerned something and he tells Timothy you know that that and obviously he knew family so many things but it it ended up in Paul really pouring out his life into Timothy and also Titus and all the others who went on to you know and they journeyed on for it was not just for a season it was for a lifetime Paul keeping in touch and writing and investing and and encouraging in even the ministry even even beyond there you know for the physical meetings right so we see that happening so well the quest question is okay how do I do that do that so it various various factors then again so we need to be mindful okay so if it's what are those that are there for a lifetime well obviously your spouse and our spouse to be whatever you know the thing is that marriage commitment a the covenant requires it shifts that relationship it brings it into perspective that it is not just a short-term thing that it requires cultivation again right it requires time it requires effort it's doesn't just happen automatically so so if you're looking at you know these lifetime relationships which are maybe a mentoring kind of relationship and definitely your spouse and other friendships and this requires a continual let me use the word continual cultivation otherwise we may not realize it but there's some kind of you know the shriveling up some kind of withering that'll happen right so it's is it is it easy no it's not this also goes through seasons you know in our lives and it's it's not it's not easy it requires because there are a whole a whole lot of things crowding in you know that's the thing the whole lot of activities a whole lot of responsibilities right crowding in and trying to take that place I had constantly it's like one list that's you know to do list what are the first you know just constantly shifting changing right but it's what it's important so so that's that's a thing right so you know how do I do it that's the other thing how do I cultivate something that's healthy something that's ongoing and and obviously the first thing that we can we can mention what will really help cultivate a relationship is commitment we're talking about a long term and important relationships that matter commitment is without commitment they cannot be without common commitment as a foundation we are committed to the relationship I'm talking about marriage deep commitment is is required right then this commitment you know while we say that it's there for marriage relationship it is also true in other deep long term relationships right so without commitment it's going to fizzle out okay so some questions to ask okay so you know when you think of a marriage relationship and when you think of a typical wedding that happens and the wow wow that happens exchanged what is that wow about it's about commitment right it's about commitment it's about commitment when things are fine it's about commitment when the materially things are not okay it's about commitment when you know there are ups and downs you know with regard to health finances everything so different season so a typical wedding or marriage wow is is like that it's spanning all that's spanning the course of time you know the typical the wow ends like till the worst part so that that's that's it's a long-term thing and it talks about commitment through and through commitment when things are okay when things are great commitment when things are not okay so that's commitment so the question to ask is you know I'm gonna how committed are we when things are bad when things are not so good how committed are we to maintain the relationship okay commitment also we know it does not mean that we avoid conflict or when we are committed in a particular relationship it doesn't mean that there is no it's it's not gonna have any conflicts but it also means that how committed are we to walk through those conflicts or talk about it and settle and find solutions for those conflicts right so it talks about that the commitment and the commitment also it means it means the the cause of time it's not just today and tomorrow and maybe just a year from now it is long term so that's commitment commitment the second thing that that will really help the relationship to thrive help us to cultivate its communication okay something very basic it's communication communication is not dumping you know all our thoughts or emotions on one person are constantly talking well it's not that communication is two-way communication is understanding and being understood right so so communication is being transparent being open and and with the objective of understanding the person with the objective of sharing what needs to be shared and also with the objective of you know not just us being understood but us understanding the other person so there's a lot of information there's a lot of you know at the superficial level you know it's just it could be a change of facts and information and you know and also it could be some things that are well something that are that does not involve emotions maybe but then communication at the deeper level would involve thoughts desires opinions plans ambitions and so on right so it depends it also surprisingly it deepens communication it deepens when we have difficult communication or the the level of relationship deepens when we have difficult communication sometimes we avoid difficult communication or communicating about physical things communicating about things that are you know that are probably wrong with us or with the other person but then we have the difficult communications and conversations that also helps deepen the relationship okay the comment said it is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get him or her to disagree with us it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed you know well we yeah we definitely you know there is power and agreement the how can like most three three you know we need how can to walk together unless they are an agreement right so definitely there's progress and there's agreement but also in disagreement we really understand the person and understand where the other person is coming from why you know why the person believes what they believe right okay so communication it it really helps the third thing is so communication and the third thing is friendship right so you know are we really you know I know that this is not possible in all kinds of relationship like in all in the different kinds of like for example if it's a typical work setting and you know it is not it is not possible like this is a formal kind of a relationship and and therefore well we can't really typically be like you know back slapping friends and there are there are certain norms and then we keep to it and that's it but the but the thing is we're talking about other relationships which require time investment and therefore this aspect of friendship right so just being friends just being concerned about others needs so trying to do anything else this whole aspect of friendship is very very important okay you can have all the other things and have you know come we can be committed etc but then if you are not being a friend to that person being concerned about their welfare putting them first and so on so then you know then it is not it misses an important factor ingredient okay then another thing is also shared memories okay shared memories really help the relationships arrive okay share memories it's also some well difficult things when we have got what we have gone through you know some ups and downs that you've gone through together so these are shared memories which means that you've solved problems together faced difficulties together face challenges together and also you know celebrated things together right so you can you can think of you know let's say a core leadership ministry team can think of mentor mentee kind of a relationship we can think of you know spouse husband wife and close knit family and all that you know there are there the shared memories help the relationship right okay so we are what are we studying is talking about the gardening principle talking about winning with people and how relationship needs to be cultivated so these shared memories really help the relationship to to thrive right definitely you know it it's a point of connect if you to go to maybe your your high school reunion or college reunion you know what really instantly connects us are these shared memories you know and that's what we talk about right you know you remember this happened you remember I remember you know we're going back to our high school reunion and this was I think maybe 25 25 25 years after graduation so we all met of course everyone was looking much different gray hair you know guys were thin we're fat guys were fat thin and all you know very very different and and what really you know cost us to connect where these shared memories and I remember some of these things which happened somebody actually burst a cracker in the in the classroom right and this is one of our one of our batches I forget if I think to the commerce batch or computer science so they they the entire class was punished right and till date we don't know who did the class was so I don't know so supportive of one another they wouldn't let out so they were they were actually punished for quite some time remember you know I think a few weeks and that particular subject they were they were asked to you know stand up in some some kind of punishment some some some sort of was there happening but they wouldn't so we were talking about that and we had the reunion the fact that till date nobody knows right and nobody actually also the ones who knew also did not let on so things like that really help the relationship to thrive so these shared memories need not always and when we say memory it's something that has already happened right so what will really cultivate the relationship is if we would if we would journey together and you know make new memories in the sense it could be it could be something that we're doing doing leisure time or you or a trip or some kind of an event or things that we do together right it could be an outreach it could be you know the time after an outreach it could be it could be the time spent preparing for for an outreach and we're saying you know ministry setting different kinds of trying to think of different kinds of settings where we have the shared memories like for it for a team ministry team maybe maybe the the times of the for a worship team could be a time of practice and what happens so that is also shared memory what some something significant happening something special happening and what happens after that and the time spent together so these are all shared memories so these shared memories definitely help us when we when we talk about it and we look back and when we journey forward this helps the relationship to thrive right so to create this when I so as families also it would it would really help us to to do stuff together you know to to so that the children so that as as a spouse you you are able to look back and say because time just time just goes by you know before you know it is decade slips by right so it's good to you do this intention intentionally again to think about maybe you're ahead of the family and maybe you're you know your spouse so think of it and say what will create these memories and do that and I would say that even these you know not so good things that happen these are also shared memories well some of those difficult times some of those challenging times that you had to navigate through you know some of the storms of life and how you actually handled it and and together you faced it and you know these are also shared memories these are memorable in the sense you can't forget those things and maybe going through that time it was very difficult right but having negotiated and having weathered that storm that storm itself is a shared memory right you look back and even that enables us to know some some things that you've learned that we faced it that that you're able to depend on God's grace and we face things together we experience the gaze of God we experience the supernatural hand of God you know all that helps the relationship to try okay okay so friendship and then we looked at shared memories then the other thing that helps the relationship thrive is is is just growth itself is when the relationship drives and the relationship grows it starts stagnant but it's it's growing okay so when we do these things the relationship was gross so the growth of the relationship itself you're growing so when we say the you know growing it's growing and understanding it's growing in in the maturing together it is well it's well we could say growing in Christ's likeness growing in in knowledge you know if it is a if it's a growing in skill right if it is a ministry team so growing in all these aspects right there's individually we are growing and collectively we are growing right just looking at excuse me like how the church has grown looking at some of these churches that have grown and growing in the understanding and I remember the time when we just learning about some things some of the basics the foundations of the supernatural right foundations of the prophetic foundations of hearing guys of God's voice and learning to do that and I remember some of those times when the people who who were there and for us it was a it was a new thing I think it was it was something that we were you know kind of freshly exposed to and it was it was all a new thing and and how each of us journey individually and collectively in that and and how it becomes it comes to another level all together how we grow together in that so that also impacts impacts the conversation impacts the kind of you know are the dynamics of the relationship like growth and lastly what would really help is that the is sometimes you know just pampering or spoiling one another with or lavishing you know and son or love let's say pamper spoil excuse the words within quotes foil okay really going out of the way being extravagant lavishing gift may be surprising you know that these are things that really help one another you know random acts of kindness right it could be a gifting it could be our time just showing up and all these things small things really help the relationship to throw so the thing is this that if we cannot cultivate right we cannot sustain so over a period of time there seems to be you know if you don't do this there seems to be distance there seems to be misunderstanding there seems to be you know we emotional distance right even though we could be in the same place it could be the same house the same home living in the same place but there seems to be distance why because this kind of a cultivation did not happen right this investment did not happen so seem to be two different people and without understanding and seem to be like strangers in the same place because we did not invest so we can actually ask ourselves a question okay who are the way who are the people who require this kind of investment in my life right in terms of time in terms of energy who are the people who require because your spouse your family and who others who are the others and also to ask ourselves the question of this you know this relationship is it for a reason like is it you know a special assignment kind of a thing is it a project so that doesn't require this kind of investment right this doesn't require this kind of time and effort we need to understand that right all you know is there is something for a particular season maybe it's for a time period it's going to season then yes right but you understand that it's going to be for a season sometimes we have that understanding sometimes we may not right and so having that understanding helps okay it's good it's for a season it's fine so you're not disappointed right it could be a professional kind of a thing that's happening professional work relationship ministry and you're going to disappoint okay maybe you know like sometimes you know maybe in a church setting we have people who are you know there and planted there for a season right it's it's for a season and then they discover they're calling they're gifting they get equipped and and then it's time for them to move on okay and it's time for us to let go right so it was there for a season and then we invested like pulled out invested but now that season is over and then you know it's it's it's it's like the Lord commissioning them for something else something bigger that they have grown into and we understand that and then we are not disappointed we are actually happy rejoicing celebrating that it's a it's a it's a new season right so it's actually prevents us from being disappointed and hurt and so on and you understand the season and of course to know that okay is it a is it a thing where is it a series is it a kind of a relationship where it's long term it's lifetime then then we understand okay okay this is going this is significant and so it's important it requires this kind of cultivation requires this kind of time and so on so yeah so we'll stop here and we'll take a break any questions any questions here fine so I think you know even as we were hearing this so we can think of you know certain scenarios in our own lives where you know we wish okay I wish I had you know kind of invested I wish I'd someone else invested had invested in me and we also think of you know so the thing is to do some course corrections right when we realize that okay this is how we this is how things can drift and this is how things can actually you know grow so you know we make those course corrections and see okay what are the steps that I can do okay so I what some of the I think one question that that's very common I don't know nobody asked but what if the other person does not receive all that investment and time and you know value I don't know do someone have a question like that or does someone answer for that yeah the thing is you know you you because you you realize that okay then obviously there's this conflict right because obviously there is there is misunderstanding and there's a potential for whoever's investing pouring out the time and effort for the potential for them to be hurt like disappointed thinking you know why is why is this reciprocation not happening that put in that thing is always there okay so that is why it requires you know setting of expectations understanding from both ends right and and that's why in a marriage we have this expectation set right and like you know that's why it's very important to understand like I'm just talking typically about marriage okay we need to have an understanding this is what it is this is what the Bible says this is the expectation the role is the responsibility and move forward in that now well some sometimes it's it's not set it's it's very fluid it's very you know if it's a work kind of a setting it can be set even in a in a marriage it can be set because of what we do in pre-marital you know pre-marital courses and so on it can be set but in some cases it is not and one person wants to the other person does not then it becomes a you know so it's it always goes back to having that discussion you have that expectation or at least communicating that and saying okay you know this is what we can look at this we can look at my objective no not relationship for the sake of relationship but you know this is what different scenarios right this is what we are here for and this is what God wants and and we can do this and you know all these maybe a communication and at the at the foundation the commitment itself and hopefully things will change from the other person also right when there is this communication when there is this friendship things could change with the other person also but there is there needs to be this communication of expectation okay we'll we'll stop here and then we'll get back