 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the emotional trigger that caused men to go silent. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. If this content resonates with you, please hit that like button. Lastly, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Similar to the videos I shoot with my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post, I post individual videos just for you. So check out the link below in the description for Midlife Love Mastery. All right, let's talk about the emotional trigger that caused men to go silent. Has this ever happened to you? A man has ghosted you. He's pulled away. He's gone silent. You notice progressively the energy starts shifting from the way the relationship was in the beginning. I'm sure this has happened to you and quite frankly, it's happened to me as well. This isn't singular to men, someone going silent. Women do the same thing and I'm laughing not because it's funny, just because I believed I think there's an imbalance with many women. They see most perspective as men are doing this wrong without any comprehension that women do the same thing. All right, so I want to talk about this causality and why it's so confusing because let's face it, in the beginning stages of dating when two people meet and there's chemistry, they gravitate towards one another and they feel as though, temporarily feel as though that there's a real connection, that there's a real love, that there's a real bond. Okay, so this happens frequently and because there's no real established relationship in the beginning, in other words there isn't a real solid commitment, because let's think of it in the past, let me tell you what used to happen. Basically a hundred years ago, boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they are attracted to each other because they want to have sex, they're going to have to get married and this all happens within 60 days. So there was boom, a full-blown commitment. So you didn't have to worry about someone ghosting because they were going to live in your home. Well now we're in a total different dynamic in human romantic relationships because we initially attach through chemistry and what happens with most humans, they do a terrible job of actually getting to know one another to determine if they're compatible. So what happens is, the more and more time you spend together because you're not really building the roots to trust, you're not building the deeper roots of trust because many of you do not know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship, things start to fade a little bit. And then what I mean by fade is that initial attraction can't hold the relationship together because there's no roots established. This is some of the things I talk about in my private coaching program so if you want some support check out the link below to a free discovery call because that's my area of expertise helping you establish the roots in relationship and how to bet for an emotionally mature man. Okay so you're probably going Jonathan what's the emotional cause, what causes them to go silent? So we all have inside of us a little child, a little child. Okay so we have our adult and we have our little child. That unhealed place inside of us. Most of us have had childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas that has scarred our little child. So we all have this, men and women alike. And when someone feels scared they revert back to their inner child. Okay this happens all the time. Men and women alike we revert back to our little child. So what typically happens, the trigger that causes a man to go silent as well as a woman is the fear of hurting our parents. Let me repeat that, the fear of hurting our parents. In other words we've reverted to our little child and we're we're scared, we're lost and we don't know what to do and we're afraid to tell our parents that we're scared because we don't want them to not love us. I repeat that we don't want them to not love us. So we revert back to our little child and this is very common in men and women alike. Now some of you might be going well Jonathan that's not a real man to me, a real man wouldn't do that. Here's the thing ladies and gentlemen, we can judge another person's behavior, we can judge them and point them out at wrong and make ourselves feel good temporarily. But does it really feel good to point the finger at someone else and say they're not a real man, those are wussies, blah blah blah. And I read this on social media day in and day out. There's no benefit to it. And all it does is hurt our hearts. The more we point the finger at someone else the more we complain hurts our heart. So what's the antidote when this happens? I think one of the most important things to recognize is that most people are doing the best they can. And instead of judging men in particular ladies as being bad, I want you to, I want to encourage you which affirmation do you want to choose. Men are bad or men are good. If you're going to make a prayer every night, imagine this you're making a prayer every night. Men are bad, men are bad, men are bad. Or would you rather go men are good, men are good, men are good. Because that's what love would do and that's how love would respond. What does my t-shirt say? The self-love club. By the way many of you asked about it you can get it on Amazon just type in self-love club teacher. By the way there's a link below to Jonathan recommends. I think I have it listed there as well. I'll have to check. And by the way my coffee mug today says do all things with love. Do all things with love because when I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? One of the chapters in the book centers around childhood wounds and traumas. Childhood wounds and traumas and we are most humans have gone unhealed. They've done little or no introspective work, personal development work, self-help work or spiritual work to heal that part that causes someone to go silent that causes them to revert to their childhood. And ladies I can tell you this as a man many of you do the exact same thing. So you know I know a lot of you go in your righteousness and go I'm doing great you know I'm perfect and everybody else is bad. Ladies this is this is such a two-lane street both men and women alike have behaviors because most people haven't done the personal development work. Now I know a lot of you thinking well I do personal development work and I don't know any men who do personal development. Let me tell you something I've gone to multiple, multiple personal development workshops and literally 50% of the people there if not more were men. So I'm tired of hearing this narrative that men don't do the work men are doing a lot of work. The challenge is finding that person that does the work it gets really tricky so I want to give you some advice on that as well. So first when a man goes silent the most important thing to do is love on yourself and you have a choice. You could you know I've suggested this in videos call him out on his behavior it's okay to call him out on the behavior and you can do it in a kind loving way as well okay so you can call him out on what's going on and I don't mean this in a in a gruff way I mean in a kind loving way okay and one of the other things you can do is do the work on yourself and just to remember that when you're loving on yourself you can that's the most compassionate thing you can do is love yourself and then be in compassion for everyone else because compassion goes a lot further than judgment anger comparisons and quite frankly feeling sorry for ourselves because in many cases when someone goes silent we start to internalize it as if something's wrong with us and quite frankly every human being is beautiful no matter how bad they are on a spiritual level they're all beautiful in my opinion and I know there are a lot of heinous people out there but on a spiritual level most every human has value and we're all on a journey of trying to heal and so my invitation for you and here's my real thing I want to offer you before I wrap up today is the next time you're speaking to someone brand new in the dating realm ask them about childhood wounds ask them about traumas and ask them how they healed do this before before you ever get intimate with someone ask the deeper questions stop dating from a surface level of let's just have a good time I want to have a good time it's all about having a good time never interview anyone because that's bad quite the opposite you should interview and interrogate everybody before you start giving your heart to someone anyone tells you otherwise is a crock of shit because attraction based dating only works temporarily you get close and then it breaks apart attraction based dating intentional way of dating requires one to ask the deeper questions early on then the surface questions most people ask based on that stupid book the rules that was written all right I think you get the gist of where I'm going here all right bottom line is this most men are good guys they just don't want to hurt you and that's why they go silent doesn't make it right I'm not suggesting it is but that's the why what's most important or what are you going to do next are you going to judge them and judge all men as being bad or are you just going to say hey I recognize he's in his little child most likely he's not ready to be in a fully committed relationship I'm going to go work I'm going to continue to work on myself and find myself a man who has done the inner work so he can actually be in a full deep relationship and we can work together to build those roots of trust and again if you need some support on that check out the link below all right I think I got a mouthful out today I'd like to hear your thoughts or if you have any questions please post it below if you want to get my shirt check it out below uh not my shirt but this is on amazon all right we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet or a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now