 Hey, did you get me that TPS report? Uh, yeah, I got those proposals yesterday. Uh, I wonder who they've got doing this bullshit this time. Hey, dude, they got bagels! Why are there anchovies on the bagels? Ah, afternoon, everybody. Have a seat. Get a cup of coffee and a muffin. Also, reminder, the seminar room is a weapons-free zone. Please make sure you've surrendered your weapons at the reception desk. Yeah, I know, it's bullshit, but the last thing that I need is an O5 complaining because of one of you walking around a blue zone with your peace. Everybody good? Cool. Today's seminar is about a subject near and dear to my heart. Reality Banders. Type Greens, Mary Sue's, Bigsby's, Shapers, Wizards, God's Devils, outside observers. Call them what you will. These are the guys that change reality based on perception and willpower. I've made a career out of both containing and killing these guys. You're here to get certified to do the same. Is there a secret to this? Oh, you want to know my secret? Well, we'll get to that later. First of all, I want you to take a look at the doors to the seminar room. You notice something about them? Look again. What doors? Yep, the doors are gone. Wait, what the fuck? Take a closer look if you want. Touch them. They ain't there. Oh, shit. The doors have literally disappeared. But that's okay, right? You could steal get out the windows if you want, except there's one small problem. There aren't any windows in this room either. Are there? All the windows are gone. There's nothing before blank walls, a ceiling, and a floor. No way out. But how did you get in here? Starting to freak out a bit. Don't worry. Just take a deep breath. You're going to be all right. Just a bit of a change the way the room is set up. It's not like anything worse is happening. I mean, it could be worse, right? At least you're safe in here. It's not like the deaths are coming alive to kill you now, is it? Oh, wait. Yes, they are. The fucking desks are going to kill you. What are you going to do? How are you going to survive? The damn room is alive and going to eat you. Watch out for those fucking desks they got teeth. Get the fuck away from there now. You want to live? You're going to have to fight. Don't try to deny it, you motherfuckers. This is real. This is happening. This is a reality bend. And you're going to die unless you can fight it now. I see. Real tough guy, huh? What the fuck are you going to do with that 9mm here? Put down the fucking gun. Put down the fucking gun. Is that gun really going to do anything against a reality bender? I can turn your bullets into sand. I can turn your eyes into yellow. I can turn your gun into a fucking bagel. Now put that damn gun down and lie the fuck down on the ground, you fuck-nuggets. I am a living god and you are nothing but a fucking insect. What do you want? What do I want? What do I want? What the shit do I need from a fucking herd like you? I don't want anything that you can give me except to be my plaything. And that's all you fuckers are ever going to be. You're going to be nothing but toys in front of this god king for all eternity. There is no escape, no respite. You're going to die. You will live when I say you live and you will die only if I allow it. There is nothing left but my imagination and you are all figments of it. Alright, hit the lights. Everybody breathe in and out. Deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. You feeling better now? Let me tell you what just happened. Each and every one of you has just had a bad trip. All the food on that back table was laced with a powerful hallucinogen. It's my own personal recipe. In addition to the hallucinations, it renders one very susceptible to suggestion. Combined with some simple hypnosis and some special effects trickery, the end result is as close as we can get to showing you what a reality benders attack feels like. The support staff are pumping an aerosolized counter agent into the air vents as we speak. It's going to feel like shit in a moment. You'll find barf bags under your chairs. Take a moment to let it all out. I want you to reflect back on that moment when you realized what was happening. Do you remember that feeling of helplessness? Do you remember what it felt like to realize that reality no longer existed? And you were nothing but toys for a hostile will that controlled everything? Remember that and hold on to it for the first time you're about to go up against a reality bend. If you ever think maybe you can contain them or maybe they could even be reasoned with. Remember what it felt like when you were tripping balls and nothing was real? Then kill that motherfucker before he knows you're even there. You're all certified. Class dismissed.