 So today, we're going to talk about men respecting women. And I just want to share with you all they're watching. There's a significant percentage of men who feel rather disrespected in the dating marketplace. They think there's a lot of entitled women and these men are going, but they're doing what's called going their own way, which means they're kind of rejecting women. And I think they're misinformed, but I'm going to talk about what really turns a man on today. Okay, so let me ask you, Marie. How important is respect, both respecting a man and being respected in a relationship? Well, if there is no respect, how can there be a healthy relationship? Yeah. Like I would never go out with somebody I don't respect. Well, do you respect someone on a first date though, someone you don't know? Well, you get signs. Just the way people carry themselves, the way they treat you, the way they greet you. Meeting is a really important thing to me. Interesting. Well, I know in Columbia, you greet everyone with a kiss, right? A kiss on a team kiss. You know, in the Turkish culture, you kiss both sides of the cheek. Yeah, we only kiss one usually. Okay, okay, but okay, that's a sign of respect. And we're going to talk about some other ways a woman and man can show respect in a relationship. You know, before we do, I want to talk about with everyone a show we've been watching called 90 Day Fiancé before the 90 days, right? It's his research. Oh yeah, it's my research. And if you've been watching the latest season, there is a couple named Jasmine and Gino. Okay. And well, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And why I'm bringing this up because there's this kind of belief, a lot of people believe she's a gold digger and he's a guy that has no self-respect. He's got no self-respect, no game. No game. This girl is totally out of his league, but... But she's just trying to use him for his money. I agree wholeheartedly and he doesn't see it. Yeah. So can he really respect her if she's only in it for the money? Well, not that he, by the way, folks, he doesn't even have that much money. I would pass. I don't know. I think he's doing everything to keep her happy even though she's a nut job. So here's an example. And I'm sure many of you've seen examples where someone doesn't respect themselves and how can you even respect someone who doesn't respect themselves? I think for in his case, I don't think that she values or respects him and vice versa. It's just an ugly dynamic. And sadly, this program is almost everybody equally as dysfunctional. Now I share this because I remember a period of time in my life where I was really down. After my divorce, after losing my high-end corporate job, I didn't really have a lot of respect for myself. I was in a really down place. Yeah, I can see that. And I don't think anyone can respect you when you don't respect yourself. And we've talked about women that you know that have been in a dark place. They're trying to find a relationship to make them feel better, but they don't even respect themselves. Well, what they don't understand is you can't expect somebody else to feel that void within you. You have to find that for yourself. Well, this is one of the challenges in relationships because I think we all have this desire that when we're with the right person, we're going to feel better about ourselves. And it's really all about learning to feel better about yourself and be complimented by a good person. I don't wanna even say the right person, a good person. Yeah, I agree. In fact, that's why folks, I wrote a book called What the Heck is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Up in Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why am I bringing this up? Is because how can a man respect you if you don't respect yourself, if you don't value yourself, if your self-worth is like a revolving door? I quote Marie because she said that recently in a conversation I had with her. And I'm like, that's a brilliant quote that if our self-worth, our self-respect is like a revolving door, then a person isn't seeing the fullness of you. And that's not to say that we're not gonna have times where we might feel deficient, but if that's the state of being your constantly and how can a person respect you? Yeah, it's difficult. And usually when people don't respect themselves, there's stuff within them that they have to deal with. You can't love another person unless you've dealt with your own issues that really prevent you from loving. Yeah, and I think also we have to recognize that healing oneself is a perpetual motion. It's not like you did all this work this weekend and like, ah, you're healed. I think it's a constant. And to the extent that it's a revolving door, it's not to suggest that it's a bad thing. It's just merely the more you work on the self, the better prepared you are in a romantic relationship. So the title of this is 99% of men respect women who know this. First off, I wanna be clear about something about this 99%. This is 99% of good men. This is 99% of emotionally healthy men. And I was watching a short video today and I wanted to pull it up for everyone because there's a lot of men that don't fit this category and I wanna share this with everyone. So this little short little video said a broken man wants a fixer. Oh, someone that's gonna fix him. Yeah, fix them, right? So he's gonna make them happy. Exactly. And by the way, this goes for women as well. A broken woman will wanna fix her. The next thing is an immature man wants a mother. And a lot of women think that by mothering him, he's gonna love me. Yeah, but it's usually it's an immature man who needs mothering. The third one was an insecure man wants a puppet. Like the narcissist. Well, yeah, oh, good example. Yeah, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, because narcissists traditionally are highly insecure on their inside and they just want someone they can control. An insecure person wants them. That's what a puppet is, something you can control. Okay, the fourth one is a lazy man wants an enabler. Someone that allows him to be lazier. Yeah, exactly. Someone that does stuff for them so that they continue to be lazier. Exactly, well, exactly. And then lastly in this list was an abusive man wants an object. So we're not talking about, when I say 99% of men respect women who know this, I'm really talking about those good men, those high quality men. And to the extent that I characterize high quality, I'm really talking about emotionally mature men. Do you know what emotionally mature man wants? What a good man wants? A partner. That's exactly what it says on my notes. Did you read that? No. Oh, I can't see. That's funny, yeah, her contacts are, all right, what is it? You have glue in them? They're fuzzy right now. They're fuzzy right now. So a good man, an emotionally mature man, he wants a partner. And so a woman who also shows up as partner is gonna show up like this. So we're gonna give you five examples of how a man will respect a woman if she knows this, if she's operating from this place. And the first one is her actions match her words. Yeah. Okay. Now, I think that's consistent for men and women alike. We respect people whose actions match their words. I think men are a little bit different when it comes to words. We want words of logic. We want words of, but in rationale, we don't want words of emotionality. No. But if your actions are gonna match your words, you show up at the time, you say you're gonna show up. You call when you say you're gonna call. To me, that's how I respect someone that they follow through with what they've intended. Yeah, no, that's absolutely true. Also, I think there's something that there's a difference between men and women. A lot of times people in particular women will say, I feel like going to the store. I'm just using that as a crude example, right? Well, it's not that you feel like going to the store. You want to go to the store. What is the feeling associated with that? Humans oftentimes use the word, I feel like doing something when it's actually they think about doing something. I think I'd like to go to the store. Now, if you said, I feel like going to the store, no, I'd feel like getting out of that. I feel like I wanna feel happiness. Going to the store would bring me happiness. Okay, then you can associate the feeling of going to the store with happiness because happiness is a feeling. Going to the store is not a feeling. So what does that have to do with respect, though? Okay, well, men basically believe feelings aren't facts. So when you say, okay, because it's the facts that speak for, what's it in the dragnet on just the facts, man? So the facts, so when you're feeling a certain way, then give us the facts associated with it, not that you just feeling this way. Give us the example, so we have something tangible to work on, then we have a greater respect for you. Does that make sense? Like when I say, will you come to the store with me? Yeah, well, tell me what, okay, yes, that's a requirement. I like going shopping together. Okay, that's making a request, okay? It versus a demand. Men prefer things we prefer. By the way, this is what I'm about to share with everything I'm sharing with everyone. This is true for men and women alike. This isn't just because the title is single, is more geared towards men. Women appreciate men whose actions match their words. They're more succinct in their communication. They're more intentional with their communication. There isn't confusion in the communication. There isn't ambiguity. And that's what I'm really talking about here. Okay, number two, she has victor consciousness, not victim consciousness. I like that. So coming back to the 90 day fiance, I think the one woman Jasmine, she acts like a victim. Talking about, Gino must take care of me. If he isn't taking care of me, I'm gonna be destitute. She operates from victim consciousness. And she won't sign a free note because she wants to have his money and she wants him to do a will. By the way, if you watch this show, these are people not even married yet. She wants him in the will well before he got married. You can tell she's a little bit of a gold digger. But the point is, is she acts like a victim instead of coming at it with victor consciousness. I think when you approach life from victor consciousness versus victim consciousness, that's a very highly attractive trait. Okay. Okay. But what does he do that creates that? Well, he's an enabler. Oh, on the TV show, he's a enabler. He's, well, he's condescending to her too. But let me go back to a different example. We have a mutual friend. They lived in the building here and one person was a constant complainer, the guy in the relationship. Did she respect him for complaining? Nope. Okay. Because her personality is very bubbly and positive and it wore on her. Yeah. So, and by the way, one of the things I'm so grateful for you, you rarely complain. Okay. And if you do complain, you keep it to yourself. I think one of the things I appreciate about the two of us is we have more of a how to fix a problem rather than focusing and blaming the problem itself. Okay. And that's something I respect in you. Okay. Number three, I call it fighting fair, fighting fair and what I'm really talking about is good. Oh, that's okay. Good conflict resolution skills, good listening skills. It's not about being right. You know, when we were watching a show called Married at First Sight and the, remember the guy, Pastor Calvin? One of the fundamentals he talks about in marriage in particular, one of the skills you need to have a highly successful marriage is good conflict resolution skills. Fighting fair. Fighting fairly. Yeah. And that's really not about being right. It's about choosing happiness. In fact, in his book, hold on, let me pull this out. It's called, his book is called Marriage Ain't for Puncts. By the way, a link below to all the books I recommend. I like this book because he really focuses on the importance of really good communication skills when there are conflicts in a relationship. One of the things I appreciate and respect so much within you is when you have an issue, you bring it up. You're a diplomat in a different life. Is that a Colombian thing? Were you a Colombian diplomat at one point? I was the peacemaker in my family. Okay, well, having that skill of being a diplomat is you bring up problems in a very diplomatic way. It's not accusatory. It's not confrontational. And when I'm asked to share my point of view, you actually listen to it. I think you even validate it and you acknowledge it to be true for me. I think that's really an important skill. Good listening skills is about listening to the other person, acknowledging the other person, even if you don't agree with it and validate that that might be true for them. It doesn't mean it has to be true for you because I think in any conflict, you can reach a point of agreeing to disagree. You don't always have to agree on things. What's most important when fighting fair is listening to the other person and acknowledge them and validating them. Is that sinking in everybody? I hope it is. Okay, number four. I said empathy through acceptance. Okay, elaborated. Okay, I was hoping you would ask. So empathy, most everybody thinks of empathy as I can feel your feelings, okay? I can feel your feelings. That's what empathy is. Like, you know I was feeling down today because it's the anniversary of my son's passing and you could feel that from me. You're not trying to force anything from me. You accept that feeling that I'm going through today. Acceptance is something every person wants highly in a relationship to be accepted for who they are. Yeah, and I've also experienced in relationships where you feel a certain way and your partner tells you, well, stop feeling that way. It's bringing everybody down. Oh, they're not accepting your feelings. No, it's like get over it. Yeah, get over it. I'm actually very grateful today. You didn't say that to me, you know? Because a lot of people can, yeah. Because it's really important to honor your partner's feelings and also accept them for who they are. We are a combination of all our unique experiences, the good, the bad, the ugly. And there's a saying, men marry women hoping they don't change and women marry men hoping they do change. Okay, so one of the things men highly appreciate, and I know you appreciate this as well, is to be accepted for who you are. And so I call it empathy through acceptance. And the fifth thing you should know is the importance of transparency. Now, what I mean is, if something is material to the relationship, you should share that with your partner, with the person you're dating. Absolutely. Because we men aren't mind readers. We can't read your minds. Why not? Well, I do believe there's, to some degree, a lot of women expect us to read your, you know, read the room, as you've said to me before. I've said that to you? Yeah, you've said you don't read the room well sometimes. Well, it must have been, it must have been true. But we need to just be spelled out. Sometimes we don't know what you're feeling, you know? So you have to tell us, because we're not mind readers. Again, if it's material to the relationship, then I think it's important to share that. And when you do share what's going on, we can create a greater respect for you, because then we're not second guessing things. Yeah. I'll give you an example. You want to go to Valentine's Day, you want to go to the fanciest restaurant, but I don't know that. I want to take you to Taco Bell. That's a joke, by the way. I would never take you to Taco Bell. But if that's something you want to do, don't expect me to read your mind. Just share that's something you'd like to do. You know, I wouldn't do that. I know you wouldn't do that, but I'm talking about those that are watching right now. Be very clear on the things you want, and then ask for agreements for those things. So transparency, if it's material to the relationship, speak up because we men are mind readers. And if you operate from this place of actions matching words, victor consciousness, knowing how to fight fair, empathy through acceptance or acceptance through empathy, and lastly, transparency, you have a greater chance of being respected by the man you're interested in. How's that sound? Sounds great. Okay. Well, thankfully you do all these things for me, so I appreciate that. I hope you feel the same way. Okay. All right, folks, you know what? That wraps up our content portion today. For those who know our format for live streams, if you have a question, write the word question in the chat box, and then post your question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away five years ago today. And his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and... Seeds of Love. Seeds of Love is an orphanage for children that have been abandoned by their parents and they have terminal illnesses like cancer. So folks, I really wanna get those donations. And today our goal is to hit $100. I wanna give Marie a couple hundred dollars to take to Columbia. She leaves for, she's taken a trip there. And I'd like you to, if you can donate it to Seeds of Love or send it to your cousin who's part of that organization. So hit that Super Sticker Super Chat just like I saw earlier from Margaret. Thank you for the $7.99 Super Sticker. We really appreciate it. Let's get up to a hundred today. All right, let's see what we got in the way of Q&A board. Hillary says, hugs, Jonathan. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Nicole asks, Marie, do you speak Spanish? Yes, I do. Can you say something in Spanish? Well, yo hablo bien el español. Oh, do your Sophia Vigera. No, I don't. I don't do that. She's from Columbia as well. We've been watching Modern Family. We love the way she mispronounces words, which you don't do. It's also acting. Yeah. I was raised in the States. I left when I was four. Yeah. Okay, someone wants you to note, please don't take United Airlines when you go. Oh, sadly she's taking the worst of all the airlines. Oh. What's the only ones going there at the price that's going? Okay, let's see what else we've got here. Let's keep going. Ms. McCoy says, I think nurses can be, but anyone who has the healer type is in their natal chart. I think she's talking about when we were talking about the broken men, the fix it and that sort of thing. Healers, got it, got it. So, and I think she was responding to Susan who said, do you find that too often nurses seem to find themselves in their role as fixer for damaged men? You know, interestingly enough, I think caretaker professions can often do that. I think school teachers, I think nurses. What other type of caretaker professions? Maybe veterinarians? I don't know. I think they have a, I'm not, I don't know this as a statement of fact. I'm just merely stating this as a perception, but I have known a lot of nurses that have that fixer enabler personality. Okay, but is it the nurse that wants to take care of people that accepts poor behavior because she wants to fix them? Well, I think sometimes we accept poor behavior because we receive such poor behavior from our childhood. And so it's natural to accept that. I think there's something about that personality that sees the good in people that wants to help them even if they can't help themselves because you have people in a hospital bed incapable of helping themselves. I think nurses, and this isn't just nurses, folks. I mean, anybody can be a fixer type of personality, an enabler, that sort of thing. But I think they have a higher propensity for it. At least I've noticed it. Well, I happen to have a cousin that she chooses fixer uppers. Oh, that's right. The one we were talking about earlier. Yeah, she finds projects. I mean, some of them turn out to be not too bad, but then some of them, she stays with them for a long time. Well, being an enabler, being in a fixer actually puts you in the power role. So I think in that case, when we kind of examine it, it's quite possible that puts the person in the power role that allows them to enter and exit the relationship at their own leisure as well because they can end the relationship when they don't want to fix anymore. So anyways, that's just some food for thought, okay? Tasha says, hi, Marie and Jonathan, question for Marie. Did Jonathan tell you about his learning disability and how did you first feel about it? I don't remember when he told me about it, but I've dealt with disabilities all my life. I've had relatives that have dyslexia and ADHD and my mom was kind of on the spectrum. I didn't know that growing up, but she never got diagnosed, but so... Well, you've been... Well, the thing is, I think with us, most of the time it's when I mix up words, and I've said to you, I feel like when I shoot my videos, I'm sometimes a bumbling idiot because in my head, there's a word that it comes out a completely different way, you know? So, but you've been very accepting about my, sometimes my inability when we're reading something we always use subtitles when we watch a show, just sometimes to confirm what we've heard, like when we were watching Modern Family and she didn't call them Omaha Steaks, she called them Obama Steaks. I thought that was so funny. Anyways, I have a propensity sometimes mix up words and I think Marie has been very forgiving, not forgiving, but very accepting of that. I don't even notice it all that much. I really don't. Because I'm so sly with it, yeah. I just accept that that's what you said. Well, and I think one of the things we've, in our relationship, we've reached a point where we accept each other's, you know, idiosyncrasies, if you will. But I don't have any. Yeah, right. Okay, and Sharon says, we love your necklace, Marie. Thank you for that, Sharon. Okay, Margaret does want to confirm yes, nurses do. All right, Sheena says, question, a guy, how come, wait, a guy, how came back? Okay, I'm misunderstanding. Who came back, probably. Who came back, talked for a little bit, haven't talked for a few days. Is this something guys do out of uncertainty or just not serious? The answer is yes. Here's the thing. I think when we act ambivalent, it's a combination of both uncertainty and because of the uncertainty, we're not serious about a person yet. Kind of like after our first date, you know, I was in this space of uncertainty with you. When a man is in a space of uncertainty, he can't act in certainty. And when you can't act in certainty, you can't act serious. Or is it maybe that he just wants to make sure that she still likes him and, you know, for his own to fill up his emotional? Well, that's a very good point. Men equally want to feel appreciated. We want to feel desired. And, you know, sometimes I know some women who are very, they're very difficult at expressing themselves in that capacity. So, you know, there might be an uncertainty because I remember once, okay, let me give you an example for everyone. Are you thinking of something? No, no, I'm just listening. So I had a client and she came to me and said, Jonathan, I've gone on 31st dates and I can't seem to get a second date. And I'm like, really, and she, so I remember she actually came, I went and took her photographs for her dating profile. She lived here in the South Bay. So, and we put together a better profile and all of a sudden she had a date with a guy. And sure enough, she left the date and he didn't follow up that day and the next day with a request to see her again. And she said she had a really good time with him. So I said, do me a favor, send him an email saying, I think his name was Tom. Tom, I just want you to know I had a really great time with the other day. And it turns out I'm gonna be in your neighborhood day after tomorrow and I'd love to take you out for coffee or a drink. Are you game? And it was through the dating site. I think it was match.com. And he said, oh my God, I'd love to. I didn't know that you liked me. So she probably leaves every date in this place of ambivalence, no desire, no interest in him. She's rather kind of, she's not expressive with her feelings and the guys were feeling rather like, well, I don't know if I wanna ask her out. I don't know if I like her. And so they ended up having a great date. I mean, it didn't turn into a love connection but she learned a valuable lesson. I need to do a lot better job expressing myself. So I let men know that I actually liked them. I remember one woman told me during a date, she said, you know, Jonathan, if you asked me out on a second date, I'd say yes. Did you ask her out? I did ask her out. Turned out we had to completely misalign point of view but my point is she made it really simple. If you asked me out again, I'd say yes. So anyways, just a little food for thought and Shane and I hope that helps. All right, Nicole asks, do you and Marie cook together? Sometimes. Yeah, we cooked yesterday for the family. Yeah. You know what, we're very simple in our diet. So it's actually rather, it's not like we go out of our way to cook anything fancy for each other. It's basically it's chicken, fish. I prepare and then he'll cook it on grill. And then I clean up or you clean up or we take turns. We're very much, we have our system of living together is like, you know, we kind of have a habit, you have a habit of like unloading the dishwasher more than I do. When I have a habit of like taking the trash, it just seems to be like a dream. I do a lot of the cleaning, but he really loves to vacuum. So we kind of have our little roles and we just kind of fell into that niche but it's also like, what did I do the other day? I was just thinking of something for yesterday. Had, what was it now? It just escapes me. But I, you know, I take care of things that you normally take care of and vice versa. It's just, we have our kind of a routine, but when it comes to cooking, we're very simple in that regard. You eat like a rabbit. So, okay. Hey, Michelle gave us a $4.99 super sticker. Folks, we are trying to get up to $100 today for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund again today is the fifth anniversary of the day he passed. So I'd really love that support by hitting that super sticker or super chatter. If you're watching the replay, please hit that super thanks button as well. Ms. McCoy says, McCoy Oaks Hill Farm says, we don't want to be too judgmental over someone who has issues because we all do. Exactly, we are all riddled with stuff. I'm at the top of the list of that. Sharon's $2.79 super sticker. Thank you so much, we appreciate it. Amy goes on to say, you guys inspire love, you and I'm thankful for your advice and thankful that you're perfect for each other. It gives me hope. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, we appreciate that. Here's a good one. Jennifer says, if you're dating someone with childhood abandonment issues and he's hot and cold with you, super in you then pulls back and starts arguments, I'm ready to break it off. Sadly, folks, our society is riddled with this emotional dysfunctionality. Very few people, most of us have been raised with some childhood wounds and traumas. You and I were talking about that stuff this morning. Sadly, Marie grew up with a lot of trauma in her childhood and how that affected her and her siblings. And for those like you did, you did... I did a life spring when I was 18. I did the Hoffman process at age 50. I did insight seminars two years later. I did all three insight seminars. That includes I was in a relationship with a therapist for six years, my girlfriend. So I got free therapy for six years and I do this for a living. I've done 3,000 hours of personal development workshops and trainings. We all have stuff that most few... I'm very grateful that I did life spring as young as I was because I was dealing with adult issues very young and I didn't know that that wasn't normal. I just assumed everybody's parents were like mine. So it really helped me heal a lot of the things because my father had a tough upbringing himself. Oh my God, he had a brutal upbringing himself. We are both products of immigrant parents for those that can relate to this. I know growing up as an immigrant child, you're parents of immigrants. Everything in childhood felt awkward. I felt different from everyone else. I know everybody feels different, but when you have an immigrant parent, it's like, and it feels like everybody else is white, if you will, and you're the oddball in the group. Can you relate to that? Oh, absolutely. I think the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, applies to all immigrant kids. Yeah. And so I know that that had a deep effect on me at my childhood, or I mean now in my adulthood, and I'm still, you know, you did Adele's work, Naked Divorce. Naked Divorce. Of course I did what I did. Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins, I did Tony Robbins. My point in bringing this all up, we all have issues. Some have way more traumatic than others, you know? I think there's been abuse in people's lives. Right, and some people deal with it differently. Yeah. I know people that, everything that they went through, they probably should have been hookers, and prostitutes, and dancers, whatever. We now call those sex workers. Okay, sex workers. No, it's, you would have thought that they made a choice to make their life as best as they could, no matter what their upbringing was. You have a choice too. Well, but some people, it certainly helps to have a helping hand along the way. I think in our case, when I think of when you shared your upbringing, I think the trauma that you experienced also brought resilience in your life there. I do believe that with any trauma, there's a corresponding benefit. For some people that grew up poor, that causes them to really be motivated and to be successful. I'm using that as an example. Some people that grew up with abuse end up being caretakers for other people. In other words, they end up being nurses and doctors and things like that, because they used this negative experience and turned it around into a positive. And at the same time, I just wanna acknowledge that anyone who didn't have support and help in their life, and it took them down a negative path. We have a lot of compassion for them, a lot of empathy, because not everyone gets a break. And so I think it's important to recognize that even in the dating process, when you've been with someone where you feel like you got hurt, most likely if you examine that person's life growing up, it was brutal, and you wouldn't have wanted to trade places with them more often than not. Okay, anyway, let's keep going. Susan says, it's amazing how much I've learned from you two about men, but even more about myself. Oh, I'm so happy to hear that. That's exactly what we want is to everyone learn about themselves. Hillary says, I've done so much work on myself, and when I meet someone who doesn't know how to have a respectful disagreement, I get deflated. Where are the ones who have done at least some work? I don't think that's the question to ask. I rather you ask, how do I invite in a person aligned to who I am and what I want in life? How do I allow that in to my life? Now, I will tell you a lot of people that do, like if you went to life spring, you're gonna meet a lot of, like if you went to life spring doesn't exist anymore. Who took it over? Was it landmark that took it over? I'm not even sure, because I... But if you went to the Hoffman process, insight seminars on spring, just to name a few, there's all kinds of great personal development workshops. I did four workshops of Abraham Hicks. Have you heard me talk about Abraham Hicks? Yeah, I also read a lot of self-help books. But I'm talking about where people are. So you can go to these workshops to be surrounded by people that are into the same thing you're into. And that would be a great place to meet people who aren't necessarily perfect, who might not necessarily be the best communicators, but at least you have this shared passion and something to talk about. And hopefully in that communication, you can build something together. And that would be my invitation for you, Hillary. All right, Donna, ask, what was it about Marie that left you uncertain? She distanced. Distanced, you know, right off the bat. You know, I wasn't really keen on doing a long distance relationship or long distance dating for that matter. What swayed me was, and not that you swayed me, it was just she's retired. She has a flexible lifestyle. She has children that live in Los Angeles. She has good friends that live literally a block away from it, less than a block away. One of her best friends lives an hour away. Best friend's mother, who's like your godmother, your other mother lives an hour away. You have another good friend who lives down in Orange County. So there was a lot of reason for her to be here. I have a lot of history with California. Yeah, she grew up in California. So when I learned of that, you know, ultimately though, and the fact that we chose to move in together, that took a big, that was a big leap of faith for both of us. Or so for Marie, because she came here, you know, we didn't know our lifestyles would mesh with one another. And to some degree, we're still navigating some of our lifestyle differences. And at the same time, what I do believe that we do well together is we talk about the stuff that... We talk a lot. We talk a lot, probably too much. And we have a habit of once a month doing something where we do a real deep dive into the relationship. We share what's coming up. And so I don't feel like we're bringing up any surprises with one another. It's like we're always communicating, not our feelings per se, but our general state of being. So we're on the same page with one another. And I feel like, I think like, I believe, excuse me, that it works for us. And thankfully we haven't had one really big argument. Except the toilet seat, which is our ongoing joke. All right, Carla gave us a $4 Super Sticker. Thank you so much, Susan gave us a $4.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Melphie gave us a $5 Super Sticker. We are on our way to the $100 that we want to give to Seeds of Love. Thank you so much. Beth is in the house and she says, hi. It's been a while since I've been online live with you all, Marie, you are gorgeous. Oh, thank you. My ex is Colombian and 11 years younger. Our relationship changed since we took that intimate turn. I'm okay now. I don't know what the intimate turn was. If it's, it changed right after sex. I mean, that does happen, but I'm glad you have something in common. Oh, Tao says, as an immigrant child, I feel like I'm speaking in some type of alien language to my folks. Yeah, you know, it does feel that way. And by the way, that's funny. I was sharing this with a friend of mine and she grew up a Jewish in a part of, in a heart, like her family grew up in like a tough part of New York that was, and she felt so different because most of the people that lived in her complex weren't Jewish people. And I'm sharing how, you know, Turkish immigrant parents felt and she was saying, look, I felt this exact same way even though I grew up in the United States and my parents grew up in the United States. So we can all feel like an immigrant in some way, shape or form because we're United States, a melting pot of so many different cultures that sometimes it just feels different when you're from one cult. Like in our particular case, no one else was from Columbia and no one else was from Turkey. No, I actually lived in, now California is different, but the area that I lived in, there were, there was only one Cuban kid. Okay. So I was, I felt like- You felt like an outsider, yeah. Plus my mom also had, you know, these, she grew up in a very social-like type of environment, which to me that was nothing. And so when I would go to my mom about something, she'll say, well, but we are from, da-da-da-da-da, and to me it was like, okay, that didn't help. Yeah, but we live in the poor side of LA. Doesn't help me right now. You know, the other thing about immigrant parents, the hardest thing was, they didn't understand like English that well. And more importantly, they didn't understand like, they didn't understand American culture that well. So I felt like as a kid, like I didn't know how to do like, you know, Indian guides, because my dad didn't know how to do Indian guides as an example. Well, and look, I had a lot of things because in Columbia, you had to be a certain way. I wasn't allowed to go to the movies. I wasn't allowed to go to the football games. I had to quit drill team because how was I, I had to go to football games. And they said, no, you can't go to that. They just didn't understand why that was part of growing up. Yeah. So it's, but the point of bringing this up is, we were all raised with some level of trauma that affected us and how we interacted with kids in our school forms our belief systems of how we operate as adults. And for some people, it can make them very shy. It can make them very avoidant. It can make them emotionally guarded with walls up with other people like myself. It become, it'll become a little bit needier, desiring a little bit more attention because we felt like there was a deficit of attention. So, and if not familiar with love attachment style, I highly recommend checking. I'm tying this together for a moment. Read the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Why I'm recommending this ladies, I know many of you are familiar with love attachment style that there's avoidant, anxious and secure. A significant percentage of men are avoidant in their love attachment style. Means that they have a difficult expressing their emotions. They desire love, but they're also fearful for love because they feel like if there's too much love going on they get suffocated and they want freedom. The anxious person is the opposite. They're like so deprived of love in their childhood that there's this need to be told that they're worthy, told that they're important. So they tend to, anxious people tend to attract avoidance and vice versa. Everybody wants to be secure, but secure relationships are actually, I think very rare. Even though the book says it's 50% of relationships, I don't think that's true. I think most dynamics are really complicated. So my point in bringing this up is your upbringing plays a part in all of this. Your upbringing plays a part in all of your relationships. Yeah. It's not just romantic relationships. And here's the thing, you can do a lot of inner work before you meet a partner, but guess what? Once you meet a partner, you're gonna end up doing more work. Whether we like it or not, we're constantly working on ourselves, you and I. Yeah. And I was thinking about my close knit friends. Most of my close knit friends are a lot like me in that parents were immigrants. Yes. And it just worked out that way because we had more things in common. Okay. So even like my best friends. Well, your closest friends are your primas. No, but you know, my friend from Chicago. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. She's Cuban. Okay. My best friend from high school, she happens to be Cuban. It's so, so is Willie. Okay. So. Anyway, just an interest. I'm just sharing all this and the point is folks, we're going to meet people that have issues, whether we like it or not. Ideally, when you're in a relationship, it's ultimately coming together and saying, look, I got problems. You got problems. Hopefully we'll work on these problems together and forge a stronger relationship together. That's the ideal situation. Anyway, I hope that helps. And I went off on a total tangent. McCoy Oakfield Farm says, it's a weird question to be honest. Does anyone know how celebrities date or keeping contact with normal everyday people without everyone else in the world knowing? Well, see, I'm a celebrity. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know the answer to that one. But a lot of the successful relationships, they're not sharing about their personal lives. They're not just thinking about Harrison Ford, he lives out in like a ranch in Montana. I don't know where it is, but I'm saying Montana, but he's not in the limelight. He's with the list of flock or whatever name is. I'm not sure if they're still together. No, they are. I just saw that they were at the Indiana Jones thing. But my point is, look at Keanu Reeves, he goes off to the, he went to a whole nother country to get away from celebrities here or the paparazzi here. I think some celebrities really value their privacy. This is just a perception I have. They're not fixated on the validation that oftentimes comes with the snapping of the photograph, the paparazzi, and they rather, I was watching the Sylvester Stallone thing. By the way, I was just watching this and I showed we were watching just one episode or half an episode. He seems like he's got, with his family, his wife, they hang out together when he's not working and they have a really great relationship together. And I think just my perception is they're very protective of their family unit. That's just my impression on that, Julie. Hey, Sharon wants everyone to hit that like button. Thank you so much. If you like this content, please hit the like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to check out all the books I recommend and all the other good stuff listed there. Julie writes, if a guy cheated on a woman in his 20s and lied about it to women and then considered non-ethical monogamy, but didn't do it, now he wants a wife in his 40s. Can he be faithful? So I don't like the saying once a cheater, always the cheater, okay? I'm not a big fan of that saying. I think there are circumstances that may cause a person to be unfaithful to their partner. I think it's important to find out what those circumstances were. Now, if someone has a habitual pattern of cheating, that's not a good sign. What was the case? Then consider non-ethical, or consider ethical non-monogamy. This is a person, this is like basically saying, look, I'm not gonna be monogamous, but I'm telling you about it. I'm being ethical about it. It's up to you to say that doesn't work for me. I mean, for me, that wouldn't work. Yeah, so here's the thing. You can make agreements with people. You can make a wedding vow. You can do the dating vows. You can make a lot of promises to people. People, at the core, what's most important is the overall character of this person. What's important is unpacking what caused this person to cheat. Try to find out as much information as possible. This is what I call radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. Can a person be faithful? Absolutely, that's possible. Is it likely? That's hard to say. But the more questions you ask, the more research you do into the why, you might get understanding of what caused this person to be unfaithful in their relationships. So thank you. But you shouldn't get into something thinking you can change them. Ah, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Yeah, don't, that's called a no-no. By the way, I wanna give props to Bruni in memory of Connor today. Thank you so much for the $10 sticker. Question, I'm interested in a man 50. I'm 38. He has great qualities and very caring. Met through church. We're slowly building a friendship too much. Two months, excuse me. Do I just let him know I'm interested romantically? Why not take him out for coffee? Yeah, why not just say, hey, let's go out for a drink. Let's go out for coffee and talk and see what happens there. I'm a big proponent. Look, ladies, you can drop the hanky. You can email a guy first on a dating app. You can say, let's go out for a drink. You could say my treat and he's gonna pay anyway. Most women, when they say I'd like to treat, we end up doing it anyway. But at least making the effort, willingness to make the effort and express interest, then you see where it goes from there. Like the woman said to me, Jonathan, if you asked me out on a second date, I'd say yes. What are your thoughts? I just think that they're building a friendship just keep it as a friendship. You don't have to declare anything. You're still trying to get to know them. You might not even know yet. You may be attracted, but you might not know if you guys are a true friend, fit, but you can be friends. And then if you go from friends to romantically involved it, you're gonna have a better relationship if you're already friends. I agree with that and, I'm not gonna say but, and if you spend too much time in the friend zone, you can become like two brother and sisterly with one another. I think there has to be some sort of sexual attraction towards one another, tension that needs to be there. At that point, that's where you start deciding where this is gonna go, if it's gonna go anywhere. And then you make the decision if you wanna stay friends or keep on. Okay. Well, you heard it from Marie, so I'm gonna give her about something. Oh, no. Yeah, she is not that way. She's just being silly. Nicole writes, I'm 45 and I've been reading red pill cometers telling men not to date older women because they supposedly don't like to have sex anymore. Is this true? Do older women not like sex anymore? Well, you're older than me. Well, you dated someone 10 years older than you. So, okay, so I will tell you, I would say right after my divorce, I was very reluctant to date women who were menopausal because in my mind, I thought they didn't like sex. They didn't want sex anymore. They had lower sex drive. That was a belief system I had. But I can say speaking with being with an older woman, I have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. So that isn't true that older women, and she's only 15 months older than me, have less of a sex drive. That is not a true statement. However, we men believe that to be a true statement. So it's not that it is true, it's that a lot of men believe that to be true. Do you think that that's changing though? Don't you think? You see a lot of older women with younger guys. Oh gosh, yes, no, no, no. But I'm saying a lot of men have a belief system in what she's talking about the red pill community. This is going back to the men going their own way. I talked about that in the beginning of the video. There are a lot of YouTube creators out there feeding misinformation to young men, at least in my opinion, it's misinformation. And it's actually setting up young men for really poor experiences. So when I think of someone like my son, and he and I will watch red pill community videos and kind of critique it, but we're very much against the message that they're sending along with the message that older women don't like sex anymore. However, it's true, a lot of people as they age, men and women alike, their libido has dropped significantly. So it's not an untrue statement, but each person is unique to themselves in my opinion. All right, let's keep going. Hey, I wanna give Kimmy, thank you so much for the $5 super sticker. We really appreciate it. We are almost on our way to that $100. I think we're halfway there to getting to $100 today. Oh, there's Sharon said, we are halfway to the goal of $100. Thank you. All right, Nicole says, attached is a great book. I recently listened to the audio version. I checked it out from the library. Yes, everyone coming back to the book attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Eller. I highly recommend checking it out. All right, let's keep going. Hey, this is from Bruni, the $10 super sticker in memory of Connor. We're very grateful for that. Thank you so much. Somebody agreed with you. Let's see what Hillary says. Does saying anything if you ask me out on a second date, wait, does saying if you ask me out on a second date, I'd say yes, put pressure for the other to ask you out on a second date. Well, if he really doesn't want to ask you out on a second date, he might agree in the moment and then bail. Yeah, I mean, sure, yeah, I'd love to. But listen, I am guilty of the following. There's been a gazillion times, or at least it felt that way. I'm on a date, I'm having a good time, but I know in my mind, I'm not gonna ask her out, but it is the most awkward fucking thing to tell someone. I don't wanna see them. I'm probably not gonna ask you out. So you say it, and then I do the dysfunctional moonwalk, which is basically the text message later saying, well, something's come up in my life. I'm too busy, blah, blah, blah. And I do what I call the dysfunctional moonwalk. Marie, on the other hand, had no problem. Whatsoever, telling a guy, if he asked you out during the date for a second date, what would you say? I would say, Bill, I really enjoyed our coffee, meeting you and stuff, but I don't wanna waste your time or mine. And I just don't think that we're a match, but I really appreciated meeting you. Now, I am sure a couple guys got angry at that. I'm sure they didn't like it, but... But so Marie was more direct. I was more chicken shit. I'd say it'd be great to see you again. And then I usually, I didn't ghost them. I usually just followed up with a text message because it was easier to do that than doing it at the moment. I'm not saying it's right, but let me tell you something. It's incredibly awkward to feel like you might hurt someone. And again, it's not right. It just happens to be... But ghosting somebody is not any better. I've never ghosted anyone. No, but some people, they would... I got ghosted. I think everybody's gotten ghosted. Oh, I got... Right before I met you, I got ghosted three times in like a two month period of time. So I would rather skip the awkwardness of being ghosted and then you run into the person. That's even worse. I didn't have that problem. Ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, let's keep going here. Foxfilly says, amen. Well, thank you for that. Appreciate it. Ghosting is rude. There's no doubt. Now I think there's a lot of misconception with ghosting. I think if I didn't follow up asking someone out on a date for the second time, I don't consider that ghosting. That's just merely, I didn't wanna ask you out. I think ghosting happens when two people engage in seeing each other regularly and then they all of a sudden disappear. That to me is ghosting. I think when you don't ask someone out on a first second, excuse me, on a second or third date, that's not ghosting. I just wanna differentiate that. We are not obligated to ask you out. Yeah, and we're not obligated to accept it. Yeah, exactly. I've had women that like, you know, have said, given me their phone number and it was the wrong phone number, you know? I mean, remember that back in the day? Or the rejection hotline? Ha ha ha ha. Was that a phone number? Yeah, it was a rejection hotline saying, they'd call that number and then the number, they would say, oh, you've reached the rejection hotline. Whoever gave you this number. No. Yeah. Was this in the 70s and 80s? No, this was like in the 90s. Really? Yeah. Oh my gosh, that is so funny. It's in the 2000s. Wait a minute, were you divorced by then? I was, yeah. Oh, then it was in the 2000s, yeah. Oh my gosh. But I had heard of it before. What's it called the rejection hotline? I don't know. Can someone look that up and see if it exists? I don't know if it exists. Okay. Michelle, for Marie, would you, in the past, date a man who had previously been in a polyamorous relationship, even if he says he's capable of being monogamous relationship, is that a, it's a turn off to me. So what if I told you I was polyamorous? Well, that wouldn't work for me. It just wouldn't work for me. Yeah. But if someone is saying, look, I was, he was being honest with you, I might, depending on who he was, who I, you know, was he somebody that had good character and stuff? And he's coming forward and being honest and telling you, this is what I had, but I like you and I'd really like to explore this. I might consider it depending on who he was. So two of the people that are back to school camp, the male partner was polyamorous. And he said that in the beginning of their relationship, and she was open to it. In fact, the funny thing was she was a nun. Oh gosh. A virgin family therapist. She was a nun. She was like, she was a 40 year old virgin by the time she actually started to have sex. What's fascinating is that he never, even though he stated it because he wanted his exit clause, he never pursued it. So not everybody is. And they're great people. Yeah. The couple I'm talking about. And by the way, they're married together and they have this amazing, incredible relationship. So my point in bringing it up is even though he stated he was polyamorous in the beginning, he never acted on it. I think some men, not all, just like the idea of freedom. But when you forge a really good relationship with someone when two people operate as partners with one another, it's very rare that you even desire to step out of the relationship. But I will say some men like the idea of the ability to have the freedom of it, but it doesn't necessarily mean they'll act on it. However, most of the time they will and you've got to do what's right for you. I would take it on a case by case basis. Exactly. Cece wants to remind us, I like the idea of the rejection hotline. Joy goes on to say, laughing my ass out, that's funny, rejection hotline. All right, let's see. Jennifer, oops, where did Jennifer go? I've ghosted some people and realized it wasn't cool at all. We'll never do it again. It has happened to me as well. Yeah, I don't, I remember back well before I got married. There was this one, this is back when we had answering machines. Like I didn't have a cell phone. I went out with this gal. We did sleep together and it was like a couple of days later. And for whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling it. She didn't live nearby. I mean, she lived in probably 20 miles away from me. And she kept calling my house and I was so chicken shit to answer the phone. I was really just afraid to answer the phone. And I was afraid, I think her father ended up calling me because we're in our 20s at this point and left a voice message. And that really fucked with me. I did finally call and left a chicken shit voice message, but I was so emotionally paralyzed at that point in my life. And by the way, folks, I think I was raised with good parents, good morals. I think for the most part, I was raised to be a good person. But when it comes to your emotions and your feelings, sometimes you can feel absolutely paralyzed. And believe me, there was no courage at that point in my life. I had to experience a lot of down, I had to experience a lot of bad before I really grew up from that. But my point in bringing this up is sometimes you can feel so paralyzed, you don't know what to do. I was just too scared to call her to say I'm not into you. I'm just sharing what happened at age 20. I went on a meet and greet. By the way, I'm in my 20s. How old are you talking about meet and greet? I'm in my 50s. I went on a meet and greet. It wasn't that inconvenience. So I went to his town, had a glass of wine and some appetizers, and he was just so into the conversation. I wasn't sure I wanted to see him again because he had a young child. And now I was done raising kids. So I wasn't sure, but he was just so adamant. Oh my gosh, we've had such a great time. Can I take you out to dinner next week? And so we left the restaurant, we went for a walk and he says, I'd really like take you out to dinner. I'm like, okay, so I agreed to it. They brought my car over the valet. He gave me a hug and he says, I'll call you. So I got in my car, I started driving off. He was walking home. I pulled over to write him a thank you, a text message. Didn't respond to the text message, never heard from him again. And that just, I didn't care enough, but it was like, now why would he even ask me help? I don't know. I'll never know. It just goes to show you we have, and by the way, it could be a hundred reasons. He could have gotten a car accident for whatever reason. I sent him that message within two minutes of him hugging me goodbye. Okay, but he could have been calling another girl. A hundred other things could have happened. He could have been hit by a car too. I can't control any of that. But I wasn't even sure I wanted to go out with him. Yet it bothered me that he, you know, he was very apparently very classy and all that and didn't. Hey, I've been ghosted and I've been like, wait a minute, you're like, you're the one who seemed like you were more interested in me than the other way around. But it just goes to show you, whatever is the cause of it, I'm not validating or giving excuses for the behavior, but most likely there is something going on that causes that behavior, whatever that is. Anyway, that's just my two cents on that. Folks, we're almost at that $100 today for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Again, today is the fifth anniversary of where my son passed away. There's a picture of him right there. That's with my other son, Colin. Folks, we'd love it if you could donate a super sticker, super thanks, even a super chat right now. We'd like to hit that $100 before we wrap up today. We're gonna take one or two more questions. So let's see this from McCoy says, I need Marie's beauty secrets. Maybelline, use Maybelline. I use Maybelline mascara, I think. The waterproof mascara is the best there is. I've bought $100 ones, or maybe not $100, but really expensive ones, and I always go back to Maybelline. Okay, I just threw that, that's the only one I know. I'm not loyal to any brands, just whatever works for me. Well, look at this, we got it. Now, I don't know if that's $200 or if it is, way to go, we really appreciate that, Camille. I don't know, it could be euros. So thank you so much for the super sticker. That is really generous, so kind of you. If that is $200, because I don't know if it could be another currency. What's S-E-K? Oh, no, no, it must be another currency. And then Margaret once again, gave us a $7.99 super sticker. Thank you so much. Sunshine Fee says, you are glowing, Marie. Love looks good on you. Oh, it does look good on you. Let's see, what else we have here? You know, folks, I wanna thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. Throughout the time, I began my YouTube channel and I shared my experience about my son, Connor. So many of you have written these beautiful messages, so kind, so loving, both on social media, Instagram, Facebook, that sort of thing, and certainly in YouTube. Many of you, I've just been just beautiful. I'm saying you're all beautiful people and from the bottom of my heart, I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me when you acknowledge my son, acknowledge my beautiful partner here, acknowledge just the work that I've done and I'm so grateful from the bottom of my heart, particularly today about Connor as well. So thank you so much. Hey, we got a $10, what is that currency? Euro. Euro, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Margaret wants to say Connor's name. Thank you so much. Donna goes on to say that very thing happened to me, Marie. He asked me to dinner and never heard from again. Yeah, we sadly, we men do that. Oh, Camille wants to let me know it's Swedish currency, so it's $20 U.S. Thank you so much, that's very sweet. Have you been to Sweden? Yes, I have. Okay. When are we gonna go to Europe? You're going to Belgium soon too. We're going to Belgium. We're going to Belgium with your daughter-in-law. How fun is that? So, well, we got to do a Euro trip because we've done Mexico plenty enough now. All right, well, folks, I think this would be a great place to choose to wrap up. Thank you so much from the bottom of our heart for all your kind donations and certainly all your questions. I hope we provided value certainly in giving you some context. Give you some perspective on where men and women respect one another and I hope you can take these tools into your love life and attract an amazing partner in your life and I'm just wishing you much success. So on behalf of Marie and I, I'm gonna wrap up this video as always, do giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. Can I get one back? Thank you, sweetheart. Everyone, thanks so much. Oh, hey, Carla, now we hit $100. Yay, love this podcast with the two of you. This is for Connor. Thank you so much. All right, I wanna thank Hillary and McCoy Oak Hill and Leslie and Jennifer and Mila. What? Milana? Milana. Let's see, Sharon and Elena and Joy and Camille and Sharon and Donna and Margaret and Marie. Hey, Marie, Carla. Sunshine Fee Wanda. If Leaf is still in the house, Julie, Cece, Michelle. Everyone, thanks so much. Really appreciate it. You have a great evening. Bye now. Bye. Wait, one more time.