 Beth yw'n gweld i chi'n gwneud i ddweudio cyffredinol o'r cyfaintio mewn gwahanol, ac yn dweud i'n digwydd am y cyfaintio'r ddechrau a'r ddweudio'r ddweudio'r ddweudio'n cyffredinol, ond mae'n ddweud i chi'n dweud i chi'n ddweudio'r ddweudio'r ddweudio. Cyn ddod yn y gyfaint mewn gwirio'r ddweudio'n gwneud i chi yn bwysig hefyd? Yn y gweithio'r ddweudio'n gweithio'n gweithio, fel bod yn ymwybodaeth yn swydd yn ymwybodaeth a'n fynd i'n bud yn y bael a rwy'n beth oedden nhw wedi'u drafod o myfalen chynnwys, nid bod rwy'n dgunio lwyd yna i gythyddwch yn gallu mwy. Rydyn nhw i'n myfalen yn y fath yna gyrdd i'r amfeydd yn gyfudd yn y bryd ac rwy'n myfalen ychydig ac rwy'n myfalen yn fy mwy ymwysน, rwy'n myfalen yn y fwysig rydyn nhw i fy hun yn fy hwn. Rydyn nhw dyma'r gilydd dyma'r ysgol. Felly gwneud am ychwanegwch yma, mae yw'r holl o'r ffyrdd, a fydd yn gofynio'r gwasanaeth. Mae ychwanegwch gyda ffyrdd o bobl ac mae'n gofynio'r gwasanaeth. Byddwn i'w gweithio, i gweithio'r holl yn fawr i'r holl. Mae i ddweud bod, mae'n gweithio'n cael ei ffyrdd, mae'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio i'w ddweud, mae'n gweithio i gweithio i'w ddweud, Caerdyddon ni'n ddod o'r ddod i'n ddod i'r meddwl. Ac rydyn ni'n ddod i ddod. Ac fyddai!" Rydyn ni'n dod i'n meddwl yma'r ddiwrnod i chi fyddai'n meddwl i chi i gynnodydd yma. Ac rydyn ni'n ddod i'n meddwl ychydig. Rydyn ni'n ddod i'n meddwl. Rydyn ni'n ddiddordeb yn gwaith y gallu'r cyflawn cyfrifatig. Rydyn ni'n ddod i chi'n meddwl yma. Fel i chi'n meddwl yma, rydyn ni'n meddwl eu cyfrifatig. cwm yn ymddangos i'r llwyddo, yn blynedd o gyd-grifennu unid, gwybod yr ysgol yn rhoi, yn y prysyn. Ond, oes yw gyd-grifennu chi? Rhaid, yn gyd-grifennu. Rhaid. Rhaid. Rhaid i chi'n gyd yn siŵn. Rhaid. Rhaid i chi'n gwybod yma? Rhaid. Rhaid, mae'n ddweud o'r bwysig i'r bobl sydd arall, ond mae'n gwybod. Ond mae'n gilydd i'r bwysig i'r bwysig. Rhaid i chi'n gwybod, Shane. Y tŷch o'r hwn yn Brytyn ym mwyaf o'r prysnig. Fe wnaeth o'r bwysig o'r llwyddo, wrth gwrs ymlaen o'r ffordd. Fe wnaeth yn Amazon o Ebay ar y ddweud. A'r DVD. Gwyd yma'r Gwyddon. Mae'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud. Mae'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud? Raen wedi arnod arnynt Mae ymlaen hefyd mewn gwrs yn edrych. A mae'r ddweud wedi cymaint yn ag i. Mae yw heimdydd gan fy wneud Cymru mewn mis Valley Caffoddyru. Maen nhw'n ateb i'n gweld ei hun i gael ei wneud, i chi wedi'u ffiant mewn gwirionedd. Mae rhai, ar wg Llywodraeth, oherwydd mae'n rhoi'n rhoi'n rhoi'n rhoi... Mae'n rhoi'n rhoi'n rhoi ddiddor yw, felly mae wedi'u gweld eu chyrwar o waith. Mae'n rhoi'n rhoi i'n rhoi sy'n iawn. Mae'i gwirionedd gan yn lle gydyddwn i. Mae'n rhoi sydd o'r gwirionedd ac yn rhoi'n rhoi'n rhoi'n rhan i ei hyrdi. A'r rhan i gyhoedd ar y rhain. I'r fforddi yn dydd, rwy'n ent i'sweld ei bod ni'n bwysig. Efallai yn dda'r bwysig wrth yma, yn roi'r cyddiadau yn gyfan hyn sy'n fynd i'r bod yn y blaen i liel eu ganddofyn. Ar hyn ag yn dda, all y cefnod efo'r cyfeil, yr hynny mae'n cael ei fewnddol. Ond y gweithio'r glwst yn bwysig yr unrhyw. Yn rhaid i ddwy edrych, mae'n drefiau yn gyrsiau i'r lluwau. Ry'n cael eu hwnna o'u tyll, mae'r bwysig ar ymdwy, accommodation, monument sperw 특히 I was just soft skinny so everyone took liberties out of me and so I remember once at school stood on my own and this lad come over with the group a kind of lad that's like ah were you can come play with us and I was proper buzzin cos熱seas I went over on the play yard when I went out and they were all sick round me and won them you like whack went and then just punched me in my nose popped me in my nose up and I just ran off screaming Ac oes oedd, wedi mewn gweld, oedd ei chyfliwch, nid oes y gymryd fel hwn i'r ddweud, nid oes oedd yr adeoli. Wrth gwrs dynghylch i'r hyn, maen nhw i gyd? Felly mae niech yn byw edrych yn umbryd mewn gwneud olygu. Rhywb i'r perth ti'n byw rhai oed. Ychydig i ddweud o'r ddweud. Ac rhaid o'r wych yn byw edrych yn umbryd. Felly mae'r cyrddwyng sydd wedi gwelio ffordd sy'n gwybod i ddim yn ar hunai i'w gwelio? Ond yna llawer? Yn ystod gyda'r gweithio'r gweld gwahanol, fel hynny'nbod yn ym 15, yn mynd i ddechrau'n gwahanol. Mae'n meddwl, yna'r ddweud am gwahanol eich roi, dwi'n gweld gwahanol i chi'n gwahanol i chi, a'r ddweud i chi eich gwahanol i chi'n gwahanol. Felly, felly, nid o'n ddweud â'r gwahanol o'r ddweud. Felly, rydyn i'n amser o'r ddweud i chi'n gwahanol, a'r ydydd yn ei wneud y ffilm o'r ffrif. ac mae'r amser yn ddechrau'n gweithio'n ddim yn y cwmp amgylchedd ac mae'n rhan o'n gyfan, mae'n mynd i ddmnwg, a mae'n rhan o'n gyfnod mor hyd yn y flow a rhan o'n gyfnod o'n gyfarwch, dyna'n dysgu'r cyflugwydau ac mae'n gweithio blaid pan fyddwn i fy ngôlion yn y ddwn i gydog ac mae'n rhywbeth gwaith o'n mewn oed o'r wrthfaith ti'n rhan o'n gyfrifio'r yr小 oed yn y普redau ac mae'n gofyn oedd yn ôl os yn y gwneud o'n cyfnod ac felly oes eu… ac mae'n fwy i mi roedd mewn ddelfwch, rwy'n cael cael eu gynnig yn rhoi. Byddwch ti di dddugwch. Mae cyfnodd yn fynd i. Mae gyda i'n mynd i ddelfwch, ddysgu yng Nghymru. Mae'n ddelfwch a fwy ddifwch, dwi'n ddelfwch, i ddiwch ar gwybod yn gwych, a rwy'n ddelfwch, dwi'n ddelfwch, a ddiwch ar gyfer y daydliad, ddim yn pob, dyna dwi'n golygu. Felly, rydyn ni'n dweud i'r ddwylltio'r ffawr o'r gangsta. Felly, mae'r gangsta'n ddim, mae'n ddweud i'r ffawr o'r ganddurau. Yn ymddangos, rydyn ni'n ddweud i'r ffawr o'r reputation. Felly mae'n gwybod yn ei ffawr o'r bwysig o'r bwysig o'r bwysig o'r bwysig. A'n dweud i'r holl ymddangos i'r llwyth, o'ch ffawr o'r holl. Rwy'n cael bod gyda'r gansr wedi gweld o'i wneud yn y tu-pak ar gyfer y ffordd. Mae'n rhan o'r wych, a'r wneud yn cael ei fod i chi'n cael eu dŵr. Na fyddwch chi'n gwybod i'r ddweud yn y tŷ. Rwy'n cael i'n gwybod. Fe wnaeth oedd y ddweud o'r ddych chi'n gwybod i chi'n gwynfyr i chi. Oni'n gwybod. Ond yna'n ei ddyliad. ac mae'n ddyn nhw'n dda i'w meddwl yn yr ysgrifianiad yma'n... Mae'r gwanigau, rydw i'w gwneud bod i'w ddod hwnnw i'w ddod, rydw i'w ddod hwnnw i'w ddod hwnnw i'w ddod, ac mae'n ddod hwnnw i wneud, a'r ddod i'w ddod... Rydw i'n meddwl i'w ddod o'r ffeil o'r gwyloedd ni i ddim yn ei ddod, ddim yn bwyd. A'n ddwy'n meddwl i'w ddod hwnnw i ddod. So, how was the first time you felt that people were scared of you? When did you get that feeling that, OK, this is what I want to do, is dole fear into people? It was after I stabbed the man in the head, so I was in Arlie Pwlin as a man with a big reputation. A lot of people fear him to this day. And in fact I think he's doing a life sentence now. And he's well known for running around, everyone's phasin, walks in picturesque Dale's houses, takes the jugs and don't say, Cyfr receiving them. Absolute psych, or he's been in and out of jail for stabbing people of all his life. In fact he's just getting out of prison because someone wouldn't serve him in the shop. So he walked out the shop, got the, know them big things, what you to the corn with, the grim reaper things. Went in one to them and put it through his head and got it seven or eight years, just because he wouldn't serve him. That's how nuts a i'w dud yn di wrth gyflwg arall a fyddwn ni wedi gynrych. Rwy'n dweud o'n gweld wrth gyflwg, ac mae'n gwybod modd arall, a'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddechrau yn y ddweud, yn ddiw i'r meddwl. Rwy'n meddwl o'r ddweud o'r ddweud, mae'r ddweud o'r hanor, mae'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud. Mae'n gwybodaeth yng nghymwys. Mae'r ddweud o'r ddweud o'r ddweud, ac继io iawn i'r swydd ac tydynt, dyna'r gwislach arall, a llwytaid hynny i'r swydd ac yn ei wneud, oed 10 ydydd ni wedi gweld i'r cyfnodau. A er mwyn nhw i'r wneud, fynd i'n gwneud y ffordd mewn, ond nid yn gweithio'r cyflodd hynny yn bwysig yn ystyried, ond rwy'n rwy'n cael y byddai'u ymddangodd angen a'r gwasanaeth y rydyn ni'n d Symru, a thosewch mae hyn yn ei ddw i'ch cyflodd hynny i ddwy'n mynd i gyd. A wnaeth unigwg i chi, wedi fy gwybod i fynd i'w ddenprôl, ac fyddechrau i fynd i'n ai'i gweld i fynd i fynd i fynd i gynhyrchu, a'r wahanol sy'n gilydd arweinydd. Ond ein gwrthod hyn yw, rwy'n erbyn i'r unigwg i fynd. Rwy'n ryi'n ei gyrdd. Rwy'n rôl bryd pliwyd hynny a chwych, ac rwy'n rôl bryd hyn. Ond rwy'n iawn. Myl i fynd ar y cyfraddol. F喜fwyr sy'n bryd. Rwy'n rôl bryd gennym. pan oeddwch â'r handl. Dwi'n rhan a fan ynghylch i chi? Ita chyrwch yn Gymru a mae'n foyw, mae'n gyn ësgrwyl fadig, mae'n gyd ond o'n gwyllfa i chyrwch neu mae'n ffai ragu gwyllfa i'r gyrwch i'u ffosig. Wrth gwrs, mae gynnydd o'n gwych gyda. Felly mae'r gynnydd yma. Mae'n cael ei gynnu lle. Mae'n cael ei gyrwch. Mae gynnym lle i gynnu lle. Mae'n gynnu lle i gyrwch. Dwi'n ddim i ddweud hwn ar ar y gynnig mae'n gweithio'r gwaith, a dwi ddweud, a'r gwaith mor am ystafdd yn y ddweud yma yn ddim yn gweithio'r gwaith. Felly dwi'n ddweud, mwy o'n ddweud, oherwydd mae'n dda, oherwydd mae hi ddim yn ddweud! a dwi ddweud ond mae hwn wedi gweld yma yn i gael. Mae hwn o'r ddweud, dwi'n i g Dropos, mae'r gwreal i'r gwaith i'r honno. Fydd bod ni wedi'n styrwch iddyn nhw. Mae'n ei gwaith yma a ddweud. Er ydych yn gweld yn syniad a tynnerol y byddwch ynnyddio bod yn bryd. A gen blenderu'r hon, cyindustrie'r cyflogorion, byddwch yn cael ei gallu'n fawr edrych. Felly dydych yn ni, rydyn ni nhw. Diolch yn ni yn cael eu bobl? Fe wedi'n gwneud yn un mae ymlaen, ond rydyn ni'n gwybod â mynd o'r osac. Rydyn ni'n mynd i chi, nid oed li'n gynedig. Ymlaen o feir o bach o'i cyflogorion, o iddynt, ac mae gennym yn oed iddo. Gworpan chi'r ddaethau'r awr, d 재�u mynd iELIG, ac mae gennym'n gwaith, ac yn gwneud jefn i gyd yn gwneud llawer, gyda gwneud ddiw i, mae gennym'n gwaith gyda garaeon, ac mae gennym yn gwneud. Mae yna'r hwn wedi'u rhywbeth, Ac nid civic yn'r iawn, nid yw'r amlaeddoedd, dyn ni'n gwybodaeth gwertho, dyna dwy'r gwneud, i'r tyw ar gyfer gynnig, ac nid rhywg ddodd y dad, stylwyddyn ni'n gwneud a ddwy'r arddangos sydd wedi'i'n arddangos, dyna dwi'n ddweud, ac ma nhw hefyd yn gwneud, ac nid yw'r gwneud, ac nid gofyn yw, yn dweud o'r amlwng, ac nid yn olygu i gwyn, ac byn meddwl ydych chi wedi ddim yn ffordd a phobl. ac mae'r dyn Cymru yn ddodod, ac mae hiw yw rhan. Mae'n rhan fwy o gwaith. Rwy'n ystod eich cwrdd eich bod fydd iawn. Mae'n gweithio'n gweithio bywys. Rwy'n cael eu bod yn ffrwynt. Dwy'n cael ei wneud â'r gweithio amddir. Rwy'n cael ei gwneud. Ac mae'n gweithio'n gweld polished i gynnwys grannol o'ch beth. Dwi'n ddysgu fyddwch mewn niw, ac mae'r gweithio'n fyddi wych yn niw. Fylusanwch ddwy am gynghwyl. I monterwyl ni ddechu. Felly, every time I was trying to get him, he was trying to stab me and then every time I was going to him he saw it's like a stand-off. Washington magazine Because he was coming forward I don't know where's that... It's from but he was la preparation and sort of l某 forward and just plunging in with me with his head forward and I thought I'll be tender getting him, he's gonna come forward Then I'll swing round and I'll get him and he's ten I'll get him and he's head. Mae ddigwetsio i ddedog, ac diwethaf, ac er mwyn oedd yn bwysig, gall wedi i'r arddwyr o'r myn dda. Felly mae'n arddwyr i'r ddweud a'i bod bwysig yr adeirydd. Felly mae'n iawn, ac eisiau ei ddweud, yna chi'n ddim o'r gwarfio yn eu ffasiliad, a allan oherwydd mae'r gyfleu'r gwnaeth, ac mae'n rhai i'n fuddfa i ti. Mae nhw'n arnynt i'n fydden nhw, mae'n hoffa'n defnydd. Défnwyr ni'n ardal, mae'n hoffa'n defnydd na fi, Y ddochll yn ddoch, ac tynnu'n ddweud am y dda, dwi'n dweud am y dda'r fan. A bywau fynd iawn, I will yn fwy rhaid, a weithio a'n gyfnyddwch yn ddidd. Dwi'n meddwl ei bod yn sured. Mae ddim yn cynnangol o'r llwyddi, i ddweud yn fwy ddweud yn ddi, ac rwy'n meddwl i'n gael'r rheini. Rydych chi'n ffordd y gallwch chi'n manfa a ddim yn ymweld cael ei fod yn cyllid Rydych chi'n melyng hefyd Rydych chi'n melyng hyfryd Rydych chi'n melyng hyfryd Rydych chi'n mynd o agor Egyptau Rydych chi'n jug MB Oedol ym 18 to 19 Rodd Newgu Yr boi yma Nes yn deall Ac mae'n cwrdd o'n meddilych Mae'r meddwl boughtur o'r peth Mae'n meddwl o agor Mae'r meddlull o'r meddlych Mae'n meddwl o'r meddl Mae'n meddl Was that with me to just snap to be a psycho basically? I guess things in me like when I look back on it it's a part of mental health when I was feeling like I'm because people did love me but not feeling like I fit it in. L Ai alw'r tîm? At all the time is that a part of mental health? What was just ready to grow because if you've got people who love you, you've got your mum and dad, you're in a nice home, you're not being abused or everything's right for you. Onw, yna'r g holdsau phall, i chi'n jwys ychwanegon nhw, mae gennym am y cyfrifno llwyddiad sydd wedi cael ei ffordd. Onw rydyn ni'n ysgrifennu pan fydd ei ddweud yr oedd y cyfrifn chinoedd. Mynd yüzwch oeddu mae hynny, mae gennym am yr oeddaf yn gofal. Proses mae'n gwestiwch, yna mae'n gwestiylau i chi'n hynny yn gwasanaeth hefyd, a i chi'n gysylltu. dylai gwneud i chi gweithio ytig. Rwy'n rydyn nhw'n gweithio mae'n f disgryddwyr i chi i mewn gwyrdd, yn cael ei ffroes i chi wneud i chi gweithio yn y peth. Rydyn ni'n gwni dadion i mi. Rydyn ni'n gweithio gan y dyma, ond roedd sy'n gweithio mewn gwyrdd. I'rrayio'r gwlad yn dிdw. Rydyn ni'n ei wneud. Nid ydych chi'r ddwaith hyn hyn, ac rydyn ni'n gweithio bod rydyn ni'n gweithio. A wedi'u gweithio hynny, Ie nhw'n fregynt***r he Whether it's the people who used to pick on me. When you're saying people used to pick on me, I'm like 12, 13, 14, there like 18, 19, 20-odd your old. Using it to get through the little windows and that for them and just scorn a grand or two and they giving you $50 in your boson as you're only a kid, but you ripped your off and mugged your off, really. Well I used to after so long, I remember being sat in his house and there was two of the lads who used to pick on me all the time and one of them jumped up and said, Felly hynw'n meddwl ar gyfer, Everybody when he went G1 then I said G1 I said remember when I get older I'm coming back and he was like what do you mean I said do you remember I'm not going to forget this moment you won't do it again when I get a bit older and the other lad went he means it it and he didn't do it out to me and that was like little things and I just used to start like remembering ac oeddwn i gael, dwi rydyn ni wedi cael ei ddweud, ac rydyn ni'n edrych, dyna'r ffordd a fydd yn ystod yn gweithio. Ond oeddwn i gael, ac ond oeddwn i dda chi, dwi'n ddweud o'r ddweud, ac oeddwn i'n dweud, rydyn ni'n ddweud, dwi'n ddweud, i'n ddweud, ac oeddwn i gael. Bydd yna'r eich teimlo yn y ddweud, i'r gennyn nhw. O, mae'n gweithio, mae'n ddweud wrth gwrs, ac mae'n ddweud, 15, 14 o 15, Mae'n cael gweld fod yn y Seision 53 fel y gallwn i weld, mae'r drwyio'r ddweud o'r cyfr 게is a'r hynny. Rydych yn ôl gyffin yn cyfrif Lew surd, ac yn ôl yn gyffin, ac mae'n cyfrif Lew yna'n cael ei habig o'i ddweud yn cyfrif Lew Senfwyl yn yr cyfrif Lew Sule. Felly bod yn chwyl yn gyfrif Lew Senfwyl yr ydwyd yn gyffin. Mae'n bod y lleol yn cyfrif Lew Senfwyl yr ydwyd yn cyfrif Lew. A fyddech chi'n ychwaneg yn ôl adill o'r cyfrif Lew Sule a'r FF15 sydd ei ysgol ydweith. ac mae hynny oherwydd hynny i heddiw. Roeddwn ni'n bergol o'r pwn ac roeddwn ni'n cefnio'r gwaith o'r hwnnw i'r cyfnod air arnaeth yn y pwn. Roedd y pwyny'r ddefnyddio'r mewn ydw i'r gwasanaeth hynny. Rym ni'n parod o'r gwaith, rym ni'n goll gwaith i gael y clwn ac rym ni'n gofynu'r gwaith i fi arno a'i wgio'n gei yn mynd i'r gwaith. a dŵr yma'n rhoi'r ffordd a rŵs. Ac dŵr rŵs, dŵr yma'n rhoi'r wyf. Cynyddiwch nad oedd bwysgwyr i'r ffordd. Fwrdd'r ffordd i'r ffordd i'r sgwpwn. Yn ymddangos nhw'n wneud o'r ffordd o. Rwy'n ei gydnw i, ac mae gyddon i'r cyddon, nad yna gyn ni ddefnyddio Llywodraeth nesaf. Rwy'n ei gydw i mwy oedden nhw'n mwy oedden. Writh y gallwn i'r sgwpwn i'r ffordd, Da ichi ei ddaw iawn er gwar i'r gwahanol, dwi wedi bod yn rhan i ffordd i'r ffordd yw. A hefyd, sob chi'n rhan i'u bod hefyd. Fe wnaeth fyddem ar gyfer unrhyw yma, dwi dda'r dquin. совершf ar mynd i gyd i fod oed yn blyniadau i fyllfa ar gyfer hynny. Fyddwn ni'n gyd. Fydda'r dda'r chy здесьw ar gyfer a gweithio ar y dydd. Felly, ein cyllid yn bl소�fod mewn eich gwneud. Mae'r cyllid wedi bod y peth o'r hollu. Rwy'n nhw dda'n arddai. ydych chi'n gwybod 5 yw, 10 yw, 20 yw, 25 yw. Rwy'n cael ei wneud am y cwrdd a'r mÙl yn mynd i'n gwasglu'n mynd i'n gwybod yw. Ac oeddwn i'n ddefnyddio'n gwneud. Dw i'n cael ei gwybod, a'n eich cyfrifio, ond roi'n gwneud. Ychynig i gwyb i chi'n gwyb. Ydw i'n gwyb i'r cyfrifio, dwi'n gwybod i'r cyfrifio, dwi'n gwyb i'r cyfrifio. Rwy'n gwyb i chi'n gwyb i chi. So I wouldn't kill them a I was before I died and they were saying it to them... and they were going. that I was going. I wasn't saying every word I've just said. And I didn't realise they were a bit real, because they were stuck in at the corner of the track. They would say."What was it being in prison for the first time? yw aethau aethau, 15, 16, oherwydd ymrwyng... a rwy'n meddwl yw'r ystafell. Diolch yn meddwl, a gwneud am y cyfrifio. Yn gyfnodd, rwy'n meddwl, ac rwy'n meddwl, rwy'n meddwl a'r ystafell, ac rwy'n meddwl, mae gweithio rwy'n meddwl i gyd, rwy'n meddwl, angen i'r meddwl yw'r hynny'n meddwl. Mae'r cyfrifio'r meddwl i'r meddwl, rwy'n meddwl, ac rwy'n meddwl i'r meddwl i'r meddwl, Rwy'n golygu, rwy'n gwybod, mae'n rhoi'r newydd yw'r lad, y lad dros Steven Russell. Yn hyllid yn i'ch nid i'r beidi honi, a rwy'n gynnyddio'n gwneud. Mae'r rhaid i'r rhaid. Rwy'n gyrddol â'r gwneud, rwy'n gyrddol â'r beidi, a rwy'n gyrddol â'r gwneud. Rwy'n gyrdd â'r gwneud, mae'n cael ei chymysgu, ond nid yw eich gwneud. Mae'r beidi, oedd eich gwneud. ac mae'n lleion gyda'r ddweud mewn iawn, ac mae'n fwy i'n gweld y dweud, ac mae'n gweithio'n gwaith yn y rhai, mae'n gweithio'n dweud a'n dodion gweld filed ac mae'n dweud atddangos arnynt, ac mae'r ddefnyddio'n dweud yn y bethot beer, ac mae'n ddaín cyfweld yma. Ac mae wedi bodi'n gweithio'r bodi'n teimlo. Ac mae'n meddwl am credu y masmodster, a'i ardal am amser yma. Dwi'n mynd i wedi'n tredu, mae ten oed, Mae felwacht mwy'n gallu sgw touringwch. Felly byddwn nominatedais. Mae'r ein marketing fydd i'w hyn newohol mor hwn. O'l Tamalio, byddai'n cyff concerns. Commander, mutio hen and loads of Sheungan. Maennwch, isau cyff horses ond re shelfgw. A dyna'r gwybod yn ystod yn gweithio, a dyna'r ffwrdd yma'r ystod y gallai'r bwysigol, a dyna'r wneud i'r prydyn ni'n cael mwyllwns, i'r LHMP mwyllwns. Nid yw'n meddwl. Ac efo'r meddwl, rydyn ni'n meddwl, rydyn ni'n meddwl i'r meddwl, a dyna'r meddwl i mi. A dyna'r ydydd yn gwneud y cwm. The fact is, I said I'm on pre parish, I should be getting £12, can I and I said there's only £2, done take my PIa double SAR on me, and you went err, or go behind your cell. He had a... I just filled the cup up with boiling hot water and I'd tried to fling it at him, and he jumped out of the way. Went behind my door, baricated myself up, took my clothes off and put her all over and just started smashing the cell up Gwbod yw yng ng unig o'r ddwy? And ddweud i'r rheini am mwyll Clefwyr. I ddweud i'r rheini! Felly mae derbyn gwaith yn gweithio a dda i gael gwyllparol o'r dref. Gweithio ddweud o'r dref! Gwyd szyfod yn gyflawni, o'ch gweithio hynny i'r gweithio't. Furation, hollwyr, mae'r rhain. Byddai gwyllparol yw yne'n gweithio. Dyma ni'n cyfle i ddweud? Felly, cydwch i gael y cydwyr yma, hanes ychydig ar y cydwyr? Felly, mae'r llyfr yma. Felly, gennym arall. Mae'r gwahodd, ein bod yn ôl. A byddai'n meddwl i'n meddwl, mae wedi'i gweithio, mae'r gwahodd, mae'r gwahodd, mae'r gwahodd, yn dod. Fy fydd yn cydwyr, mae'r gwahodd, mae'n gwahodd, mae'n meddwl i'n meddwl i'n meddwl i'n meddwl i'n meddwl. I went to North Allerton, was ruthless in there. Can you not remember the Bradford Riots years ago, the race Bradford Riots? Not sure. It's all, it'll be all over the news, but that happened. So loads of like Asian people and Yorkshire people came into the, into the prison. But because it was loads of them, I started feeling like, oh, we're all together, we can take over, whatever. And I wasn't even bothered. I didn't even play pool like either. So get this on you didn't even play pool, but people knew what I was like and they came and got into my head. They were coming over, it was like, over there, I think they were running the jail. Cos they haven't got the guts to do it themselves. They come to someone like me and get my head going. And I was like, and? Let them think as long as they don't come to me, I don't care. And then they were like, yeah, look at them. That was our pool table, all of North East. Lads used to be on their sheen. What would let them do that? And they got it in my head. I went right, leave it with me, all sorted out. So I just walked over and said, he gives a look at that pool cue. Crack, smacked it, went for his head, but he put his hand up and I snapped his wrist. But I jumped into the doorway and when I jumped into the doorway, the officers didn't see me and they all started battling with the other lads. They ran past all the lads that were fighting and come to me. They never seen me do it. I did it and got away and they ran past them, dragged me for a sec. And that was crazy. And then there was another lad from London. And I actually have later found out that he's meant to be a bit of a face down there. So I'll not say, but he got shipped out from a riot and they come up north and it was loads of them. And he's black lads. And he started running around. So in the exercise yard that what happens is that you'll have all the Middlesbrough and all the teeside lads over there, all the county Durham lads. And they'll mingle every now and then, but all the main lads from their own area stand together. So it was me, Pete Lee lads and he just started running up because he wanted to ship out because he was he started running up. There was about 50 Middlesbrough lads. And he's ran up to them and they were all jumping back, all of them. And then he ran up to the Sunderland lads he was doing. And they were all doing it and he got the main. I just ran over, swung a couple of punches. And then I saw all the black lads jump up and I thought, yeah, that's for me. And when I looked behind me, I heard someone say, oh, we've got your back. The whole of the prison was stood behind me. These are the ones who were all jumping back and patling themselves. They're all stood behind me saying, I've got your back. And then I went down the seg for that, me and him. He shouted some stuff out. I said, I'll see you're on the back on the wing then. Went back on the wing and I walked past them and he saw what I did a thing with. He's looking to when to do that thing when they walk. He did that as I walked past them and I had a metal tray. They're not like it's now the plastic, but it used to be metal. And I just turned around and bounced the tray off his head and just started scrapping with them. And the screws, the screws didn't even restrain me because I knew what I was like. They went to him and restrained him and told me to get up nicely and took me off. What height in that were you then? Well, wait, because you're a big guy, man. Was it three, six, four? I wasn't. I wasn't. I got even bigger. I was massive at one point. I was like ripped up and big, full of steroids, weirdo, mentally ill. But I'd say at the time when I started doing that, we thought I would say I was about 16 stone or something like that. And I was just running around. Yeah, just I don't know what happened to me to be truthful. I just all I remember as I was just a soft person started getting a little big game. Next thing I know, I'm willing to kill everybody like literally. And I don't I'm not one of them, you know, and I've always said this. You do get a lot of people who carry knives today, but they're not willing to kill. And if they do, it was all out of fear. There's a difference. And that might not it might sound crazy, but there is a difference when you have someone who is willing to kill and his old purpose of having that knife is that he wants to kill and he does not fear one because I've seen people fight with knives or big sorts and they're slashing at each other and the slashing. If you if they had an intention to kill, they'd just only have to go over once and just go pump straight in his body, pull it out. He's going to hit the floor because you've got his organs or he's going to die. So slashing of people and getting the outside of the skin for me is you're not intended to kill. You're trying to put fear into the other people and stuff like that. Many people do you think you've stabbed a lot? Yeah, I've been caught. I've been what I mentioned as what I've been caught for, but stabbans and about serious ones, about 15. And everyone you enjoyed? Everyone loved it. I loved it for everything, the fear in the faces, the running in the people's houses. The only thing I've really, really bothers me is an image I've got in my head, upsets me still, is I had no, I didn't care about what I did and who was around. And I'll never forget this one image when I've run smashed in the house with someone else running and knives the fruots and the kids screaming and the mum having hold of the kid in total fear, do you know what I mean? Like total, total fear, the kids screaming and you know, and me pointing the knives, you know, shut the fuck up, sorry for swearing. And just absolutely, I can't get that image of the fear out my head. Yeah, it must be difficult, it's basically at that stage, killing somebody's kid as well, the fear that their mum and dad will also have. I wouldn't have done that. No, but killing somebody's kid, if you stab a kid, there's still somebody's son. Oh yeah, or sorry, I was in my... I'm not meaning stab the kid or the parent, so in that kid they're parent. Have you ever came across that kid that you've done that to? Because that trauma could potentially affect them their whole life. I've done it so many times, I don't even open and explain. Half the time the people you're doing that to, you don't even know who they are. And it's a matter of trying to be careful anyway. Why have you done it? Is that touching people? A lot of the times it was me just doing it because I was trying to get a reputation, but when you're a bit nuts, a bit like a fighter, when you get someone who's rock hard, the local criminals love them, you know what I mean? Bit of money on the side going to sort your mouth for us. But then when you've got nutcases and people who are offered themselves, they want to find the people who are even more offered than them to deal with them for them as well. So it's a bit like that. So sometimes on the odd, now and then, people will come and say, you're going to sort them out for us. Or even if it was just a close friend who I would have done it for now anyway. And it was all things like that. But the majority of the times was just for me to get my reputation and make people feel me. Yeah, it's always consequences and repercussions. How many different prisons have you been in, Shane? I don't know. North Allerton, Deobalt, Weatherby, Mullins, Homehouse, Durham, Brixton, Franklin, Folsom, Longlarton, Whitemore, Wakefield, Segg and a few of us. Were you just getting ghosted around? It was mainly going from the dispersal prison, going down your rounds because once you're in them prisons or top security prisons, it's like unless you're getting a bit better and safe, you can go down. But I was always in Franklin, Folsom, Longlarton and Whitemore. Then I went to Wakefield, Segg and they wouldn't put me on the wings. Then I would go back to the Segg in Whitemore. That just in years and years and years and years in the dispersal prison. It was just constantly in the segregation unit, constantly. Were you happy in the Segg? Were you happy in prison because you were away from your own demons? You couldn't hurt anybody anymore? No, I was working through your mind. Just, it wasn't that I wanted to be on the wings in that, especially when you get TVs and you can watch EastEnders and that, you know what I mean? But it was just, my mindset was set on this war with the system. I detested them for what they were doing and for how it all runs. And I was just constantly set on revenge, set on battling prison officers, set on being an idiot, set on fighting people when I could and selling drugs and getting me canteen and getting extra stuff, like so I was getting steroidant as well. And just, that's all my mind was set on really, I wasn't set on. In fact, I lost the set of getting out at one point. Didn't even care if I got out. You gave up? I guess that's what you could say, yeah? Give up on everything. So when you stabbed the kid in the head, what was your sentence for that? So I got four year and nine month because the charge got knocked. So it was attempted murderer originally. If you're solicited as a good job, you get your knocked down. So it went down from attempted murder and I think he got it knocked down to rather section 18 or was it section 20? Section 18 or section 20 and I ended up getting four year and nine month. And then what? Yeah, you didn't get out, you stabbed two corpus to secure it again. Yeah, so when I was in the prison, in home house prison, I used to love my gym. And when I love the gym, I used to train and I started taking a make and not let me go at the gym. And one day when they didn't let me out, I just knocked on the window to the officer. I said, why aren't you let me out at the gym? He went, oh, what a pity. And I said, I want to get you. And he didn't believe me. And so my mates who knew me know that when I, because I used to have a belief. If I say something, I have to follow through with it. So I used to go to someone and say what I was going to do because I knew then that if I didn't do it, I'd get paranoid and they'd start going, I look, said he was going to do that. He's an idiot. He hasn't even done it. So I would do that deliberately. So I set a plan in motion and went out on association. I had a big massive coffee jar about that big. And I went out on association with it wrapped in me towel. And I went up to these two lads and I told them to go at the end of the wing and talk to the officer. And I said, when it all kicks off, just standing in front of the gates, they can't get off the wing. And they went over, started chatting with them as they were chatting. And I went up to another lad and I just said, right, see the officer over there. I said, chuck the pool balls at him. And he had some problems as well. And I was like, he was like, I don't know. I said, just go on, just do it. And got into his head. I said, once it all kicks off, I'll deal with it. So I went and stood up against the wall and to his word, he just picked the pool balls up, started flinging them towards the officer. The officer got up, they get off the wing. The lads jumped in front of the gates. He pulled his bat on and he had no choice but to run towards the lad who was chucking the pool balls. At this point, I pulled out the jar, smashed the bottom off and ran over and just started slashing and stabbing them. And then another officer come and I stabbed them as well. And that different ball game then to the system. And so I was done for, I think it was, I can't remember what I was done for, but I ended up getting an extra four year summing on top of that as well. And again, that was the charges were got dropped down. And would you ever, when you says Ella, would you just willing to die in prison or kill someone in prison where you'd have been in the system for the rest of your life? Yeah, I lost a feeling of love and care, a dark place to be in. Cos it's a mask, you see, I just remember it was always a mask. I was always like this little horrible, this little soft inside, didn't really want to do stuff, but I had fear of, like, if I wasn't liked, if I wasn't feared, I had this fear of not being like that. And so I was scared all the time inside. So I'd put this mask on like I was buzzing and just super gay, which I was. But then I would just, I just, all I remember is the dark place I had that the mask was as that. I was in a dark lonely place, didn't care whether I got released, didn't care whether I got out and just totally, totally give up on life. Like, totally, like death would have been a good thing. But you ever saw a say though? No. But I would put myself in scenarios that could have killed me and purposely. But I thought I'll go out like a, I'll go out with a bang. This is what my mind is like. Death is good, but I'll do it right, not cowardly. I'll do it in a way where I'll go on a rampage and I'll start killing people and stabbing people up, all these gangsters or these faces, whoever they are. And then I'll just go ruthless and let them kill me in the process. And I'll leave with a big bang. That's my mindset, which is crazy. So it's like suicidal, but not suicidal. I couldn't try and kill myself because I used to, again, fear. If I did that to myself, then died like that. Then people would be like, I see he's an idiot, he's a coward. And so I wanted to go out in a crazy way, in that way. So if someone stabbed me and killed me, it would have been a good thing for me at the time. And it would have been a good, it would have settled what was in there. So how does a prison system, because a prison system is treated like shit anyway, but to then stab to prison guards, how are you treated then in the system? Totally different ballgame. What did it do? Brutality. Did it beat you? It set me up all the time. Constantly, it was just, you've got to be saying to, you've got to rather be saying or strong, because my mindset is strong. See, I've got this mindset right now. I went through five years of on a daily basis. Brutality, set ups, winding me up. And when you're saying brutality, I'm talking six or seven prison officers on ride gear, running in yourself with ballies on so you can't recognise who they are if you ever come across them again. And beating you and beating you and beating you and handcuffing you and beating you and beating you, choking you when they get your neck. And just as you think you're going to die and your body goes into a panic letting go, they'll let you have a breath and then doing it again and doing that for an hour or something while you handcuffed up and doing stuff like that. And at the end, you're still there going, come on, is that all you've got? You can't break me because the system tries to break you when you're ruthless. They try and break you down and then they come back and try and build you back up. But what happens is that some people, they get so full of hate when you're trying to break them down that that's it, they're lost. I lost, I didn't even care if I got out at that point. I was especially in Franklin, HMP, Franklin. I ended up in the CSC cells in there. Just battling them constantly, I just did not care. And I was that bad in Franklin that even when I went out on an adjudication, the governor and the judge was stood in ride gear and stuff. And I went what you got them on for, they were like, in case of attackers, I was like, what do I do with things like that? It was just a battle, constant, constant battle, like one of the situations was. I used to go through a process at standing on the back wall or lying on the floor. If I lied on the floor, I used to lie on the floor when my legs took straight, when my hands up like that, or they wouldn't open the door. And then they would like, the door would slam open a bit of intimidation, slam it as hard as they could. And then they'd put the shield into the doorway. Then they would slowly walk in and then shield onto me. And then when the shield was onto me, they would like, tell me to put my hands off my head. This is crazy, this is for a process, just to go out and go on exercise. And then a mammal ride gear on that side, a mammal ride gear on that side, they would search me down, then they'd all get me behind them, then they'd pick the shield up, walk back to the door slowly, then they would tell me to walk, get up slowly with my hands on my head so I'd have to bring my knees in, get up. And then they would have to walk backwards to the door. And then once I touched the shield, they would step back so I could step out the doorway, touch the shield again. They'd tell me to go to the side, slam me up against the door. Again, same process, two ride gear people, one on each side, search me down. And then they would sort of walk off me. And with about six or seven officers behind that shield, slowly walking backwards. And I'd have to walk backwards like that all the way. It would take me about 10, 15 minutes, maybe more just to go around the corner on the exercise yard. And then they started handcuffing me. So they would handcuff me because I would still go off it. Then they would handcuff me with my hands behind my back. And do you know when you're like, put your forward with your head and put the hands through you. So they would have one on that side, one on that side, my mother ride gear shield, ride officers there, a one behind were ride officers, ride shields. And I would, any chance I got, I would try and get them. Kick off. And once I've never mentioned this, just to show you my mentality, there was one officer who was always in the front, but he would smirk. No, behind all, I'm not letting them, but he stood at the front to be going. Right out to me. Gordon me and stuff. And then one day I just bit my hair because he had big baldy hair, like really shiny, you know, one of them ones. And I bit all my hair off, made it shiny so I looked like him. And he come to the door because I pressed my buzzer. I waited until he was on and I could hear his voice, I pressed the buzzer and he come down to the door and he opened the flap. And he went, hey, what have you done that with your hair for? And I smashed my face into the door when the pop me nose open. I went because I like to look like me victims before I kill him. Right out and then he just went white and I said, don't go because he went to go. I said, don't go. I said, come on, you just listen to what I'm going to say to you. And he was like, well, I said, see you, what you're doing to me. I said, have your fun now. I said, but one day when I get out, I said, I want to come, I want to get you. I want to get your wife, I want to get your kids. I said, I want to get fishing wire and I want to stick the mouse, stick the mouse together and the eyes together. And while you're watching, I want to pat you and I want to make you watch you. So I was saying because I was because of what they were doing to me, they would brutalise me and doing stuff to me. And I was thinking, I'll get you back. And I was saying to them, I'm going to make you watching while you're watching, you're going to know it's because of you, why this is happening and all that stuff in my head. And then I said, a sigh of chitris through his. And then I had the sigh of chitris coming. I was like, didn't say a thing. I don't know what you're on about. No, just just a constant battle between them and they're just as bad as you, though. That's the thing that, you know, they just not all of them, but majority of them, they stick together. If one of the officers attacked you, they'd all make a statement to say that you attacked the officer. So they're all on the same side. And even if that officer's not doing the dodgy stuff to you, he's soon on his side if he had to make a statement. He's soon right statement to say to protect them. So it's just them against you What was it like speaking to a psychiatrist for the first time? Oh, they'd have sport most of my life. And I got sectioned off when I was younger. I went in the open bit, they sectioned me off for a bit and I got restrained once off them. And then they come and put me in a section at their security unit. It was called St. Luke's at the time. And they put me in there because they said that I had unnormal strength because there was about five bodybuilders all trying to pin me down and they couldn't, took them ages. And they had to get a needle and inject me with a needle. And then I woke up three days after I was something drunk, lost three days in my life. Did you ever have visitors, friends come up and visit you, family? Family and that would come come and visit me. But again, in prison, what you learn is you don't have many friends. You know, you go to prison though I'm right, so I'll right for a couple of months. And then after the row for a couple of months, they forget about you. Or maybe just when you've got a couple of months left, suddenly everybody starts writing to you again, telling you the problems and who, you know what I mean? Just you don't have friends. The only friends you have, the only people who stick with you is your family. You close family like your mom, your dad, people like that. But friends up, none of them wrote. They did when I first went in, but then they soon stopped. Yeah. How was it for Yrmar to come up and see her boy just becoming like the devil? Just to want to kill and visualise and killing people and hurting people to heath her dies or just becomes caged up like an animal the rest of his life. How hard is that? As a parent now, I just can't imagine what my mamala went through being constant worry. She's told me she used to sit. But one thing I remember of saying is every Christmas when I used to be in jail because when you're in jail, you think it's just you, you're bothering. To me in jail, I'm doing the sentence. You don't think about people outside. And she said to me every Christmas I used to go upstairs and I'd be crying. And I'd say crying were forced because you were in jail and you weren't here and I wanted you here and stuff like that. And that bothered me. And then another time when I got out this time when I was changing stuff, I was out about a year and I was stood talking to me, my stepdad and stuff. And I said, do you think I've changed? And he went, oh, you've changed. And I said, why? Tell me, how do you think I've changed? And he just looked at me and I'm not scared of you anymore. And I just was like. You were scared of me. And that bothered me. And that's difficult to be then. Want to be feared of everyone not realising your own families becoming scared of you and fearful. Just an idiot. Simple as that. But a beautiful thing about you, Shane, now people will be watching this and the interview and thinking, man, this guy is off his fucking head. But the beautiful thing is you've actually changed your life. You've actually became a good man. You've actually regret your sins and regret what you've done in life and you're trying to make amends and do good, which is a beautiful thing, brother. That will touch on that now. What was that moment then for you to then want to change to be a killer to want to kill people's security and not caring who you hurt when really you're actually hurting yourself? But what was the day that you wanted to change and realised that you were mentally un? I was in Parkhurst prison and I started getting involved in selling heroin with some people from a person from Gateshead and another person. And then I put a hit on an officer at 10 bags of heroin and it was a bit of a setup but in that time while I was doing all that, this Christian company called Robert Bull or Ronald Bull and he started trying to preach Jesus to me and stuff like that and I just went, get away from me, you plonger. I said, unless God visibly appears like you now, I'll never believe. But he would just go on and then one day he said something and I just didn't forget it and it was because I was confused and he said to me, he were talking and he got me attention he was pointing at his heart and he said, I've been in prison for years and years I'm never going to get out of your life. He pointed at his chest, he said, but I'm free. Now my logic at the time you're in prison, you're in a prison cell, you're never getting out again. How are you free? How I just now I think, how didn't I get it? But at the time I was thinking, how can you be free? What does he mean? So I went back to myself and it would just bother me. I was sat on my bed thinking like, what does he mean? How is he free? He's in jail forever. He's never getting out. How is he free? What does he mean? And then he chucked these little YGs leaflets and then I ended up getting dragged to the SEG for what I've just said. So that was the first incident of a little encounter with something making me think. And I ended up going to the SEG for subversive behaviour. And we were saying I was trying to use some authority to overthrow the authorities. There was a little bit of truth in it but you know what the system's like by the time they finish where you Pablo Escobar or something when really you're just a little idiot selling a few things, you know. And then subversive behaviour for that and then obviously part of smuggling drugs into the prison. And then when I was in the SEG I went on a dirty protest kicked off and they just come and said, right, you're going back to the top security prisons again, you've had your chance to say it, boom, skate back to the top security and I ended up in there. Is it long lightning in Worcestershire? Ended up in HMP, long lightning, ruthless jail. And after a couple of weeks being in there, they opened my cell door and they said go to education. So I was like, oh yeah, buzzen. They must have been getting my education class. Went down and just so people know the seriousness of this, especially in the top security prison. They've got what you call movements and they'll come to everyone cell gym, visit, works, no, every, and you've got to go to your destination. When you get to that destination is two officers with a clipboard and if your name's on the list they'll let you through and if your name's not on the list they're meant to send you back to the wing. Now, if they, you got through when you escaped they could lose a job. If you got through and you weren't meant to be there and you killed someone there they could lose a job. So it's serious. So I gets there and I said, oh, your name's not on the list. So I made a fuss and I must have done their edzing because one of them stepped back and he went, go to the chaplaincy. And so I walked down the chaplaincy but I was just buzzing thinking, oh, buzzing, I don't have to go back and resell. So I went into the chaplaincy, walked in and it was a circle of lads. Basically watching this film of this like posh guy, hello, do you know. And they were there and I just remember sitting down and I just thought, oh, no. It's one of them mad Christian things, you know what I mean? But I thought, soon as a video finishes, I'll get off. So I finished and before I could do anything the little Christian mum was like, oh, are you meant to be here? Blah, blah, blah. She said, your name's not on the list. So I said, oh, I'll go back. And as I went to go back one of the lads leaned in and he went, you get free biscuits and gatos and that. I was like, oh, miss, can you put my name down please? You know, strawberry gatos and chocolate biscuits and stuff in prison was like gold dust. So I wasn't going to turn that option down, so I kept going on for that reason and I would go on this Christian course and I would argue and debate with them and I hear all the load of nutters, you know. It's like an alpha course, it's called. A lot of inmates at prisoners are becoming Christian through it. And I was just like, oh, he's, that's nuts. And then and just to go back a little bit, you know, when we talked about coincidences my cell door gets opened but my name wasn't on the list. When I got to the other end I was meant to be sent back to the wing but they let me through and someone pointed out to me, think of it like this, Shane. Where did you go and say that your name was down on the list for? I said education. Where did the chaplain, where did the prison officer guide you to? When he stepped back, he said go to the chaplaincy. Why? Why open my cell door when I'm not on a list? Why let me through when I'm not on a list and why would an officer who's not a Christian send me to the chaplaincy? And I just see that as like what, you know, people say coincidence but there's many there, isn't there? And then when I went in and I just remember going on all the time they had this day what they dedicate to the Holy Spirit and when they dedicate to the Holy Spirit they're basically like just pray for your own stuff and things can happen or not. Nothing happened to me. It was for a sea, load of rubbish, or liars man, you know. And then I'm making a cup of coffee and this chaplain Eddie Baker just come walk inside of me. He said I've never done this in all the years I've worked here but God has just told me to tell you to come here this afternoon on your own. My motive, get out my cell, get some biscuits and some coffee. Yeah, all right, I'll come over. Goes to my cell, comes, the officers go out for the break, they come back after two hours and then they open everyone up to go back to education, chaplaincy and whatever. Opened my door and said chaplaincy. So I went back down and found him and he took me into chaplaincy bit and he got two chairs like this. And he said, right, I'm going to see some verses out the Bible. He said something about no one's righteous, not one. We all fall short of the glory of God and another one about Jesus dying on the cross for your sins and explaining the Bible a bit. And then he just said pray. And I just remember thinking what do I pray? What do I say? And he just said, from your heart pray. And I just remember finding a saint to myself. God, if you're real, do something. Do something because no, if you're real, please come into my life. Just, and I said other stuff. And I stopped praying and this has been over 10 years and it's still upset me because it was the start of the change in my life. That second, and I just remember sitting back after I prayed nothing happened. And as I was talking, I started to feel like an energy feeling in my stomach and start to raise up and raise up and raise up and it just shot up my body. And I uncontrollably sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. And I realised the hurt I'd done, the bad I'd done. And that, from all that, do you think that was a release, Shane? From you being a scared kid, knowing you were doing wrong but then wanting fear to then that day has been a release of getting a better understanding of yourself and then understanding the pain because there is always that effect where your conscience becomes clearer. It's maybe clouded or blocked and then you get a conscience where you understand shit. Look at the pain, of course. How is that feeling? All I knows, right up to that very moment, I was still active in everything. Still planning to kill people when I got out and everything. And then when that experience happened, it was just like I'd become a totally different person. It was just different. And then I had this sense of God's real. He's really real. You know, I have people telling me all the time and I think whatever. And then sometimes I would think, well, if he is real, I hope one day shows me he is. And it was just an instant thing. So I can't sort of put it down to anything but I'm prayed for, I have this experience. And from that moment on, my life totally changed. I was no longer seeing the prison system as an enemy. I would start to think logically. It was almost like, honestly, it's crazy. It's almost like someone had just gone in there and just got a couple of them. Why is what were loose and just connected them back up? And suddenly the brain just went, ooh, all right. You know, it was that kind of feeling. And then I would just remember just thinking, wait there a minute. Now I hate, I hate the police because they've arrested me and put me in prison. And then I was thinking, but I've committed a crime. I've committed a crime, so I should be. And then I thought to myself, well, I've been going through all this brutality and I hate the system for that. But wait there a minute. I stopped the prison officers. What did I want them to do? Come and tickle me feet and feed me coffee. You see what I'm saying? So I started to realise that my actions were putting me where I was, not everybody else. And that's the biggest problem with every criminal. It's never them. It's always anybody else but them. It's always the one who called the police on them outside someone to get them back. It's his fault. It's always the police officers fault because he arrested them. It's always the prison officers fault because he locks the door behind. When reality, it's your fault you're there. You commit the crimes. You want to run around ruthless. So it's on you. Criminals never do that. They always put the blame off on the other people. Or they always like, oh, well, I'm not in for that charge. I'm only in for that charge. And they always like just to find themselves of each other if that makes sense. Responsibility is key to make any changes in your life. No matter how. So how does a man who people class is insane? People sees a threat, security, other prisoners, family members and then saying that you've found God and you've found peace and you can see that you want forgiveness. Do then people still think you're even more crazy? How long does it take for people to get an understanding of you? They say, OK, he's changing. Or do they think it was just a scam to maybe get free cakes and biscuits and just another ploy to pretend that you're OK? It took years of getting out. When I first got out of prison, when I was in jail, the number one governor actually made a meeting. There was that shock that I was running around the wing as a Christian that I remember getting the chaplaincy coming to me and saying, can you come to the governor? The number one governor has created a meeting for you. Will you go to the company this meeting? So I went in. I thought it was just going to be the governor. It was this table probably longer than this room that the governor had in. They asked me to sit at the other end of there and every chair was full, social workers, probation, other imams and other religious leaders, the head of the police in the prison or security. They were all left and I walked in and sat down. I was like, how are you, Shane? You're due to be out soon, but we've heard there's been a change. And the number one governor went, do you have anything to say? I started preaching Jesus to him for about 10 minutes. I was going, Jesus has really come into my life. And I was like, I was saying, he's really, really changed me. He's in my heart. Yes, I've got to repent and believe. I've known I was just a new Christian and didn't have a clue. And they must have all been planning. Do you know a one by one that asked me a question? But after me chatting away for 10 minutes about Jesus, he went to the mayor. Does anyone else have any more questions that I went? No, you're all right. No, put their heads down. And then I ran on the wing with the Bible. And because I'm known as attacking officers, I've ran on the wing with the Bible in the top security prisons on movements to standing groups in case I get attacked. And I remember running up to the officer and I jumped in front of them and they've all sort of jumped back as if there was going to be a fight and they've got ready. And I went, it's real. And they're all looking at each other. I went, it's real. And they went, what's real? I went, Jesus Christ, he's real. And they all just split up and walked off and no one left us. And it just, I can't even begin to even explain how do you humanly explain what happened to me? It's impossible. I can't explain it myself. All I'm saying is I was just this weirdo. I had this experience and it's instantly changed me. And I was out within a year. Everyone was saying, ah, it's a blag. I'll be back in jail. And as the time went on over the years, the longer I was out and the longer people were seeing it was real, the long, that's when people start to come to me. Like my mates and that were like, ah, he's off his head and then five or six years down the line, they're all starting to come to me. I'm really struggling. You know this Jesus you're on about. How did he come into your life, you know? And it's like, all right, you know, and I just found over time, you've got to prove yourself and that's what it's about. You can't expect just to come out and within two minutes, everyone's like, oh, great. Yeah, he's changed. Come on, we'll all trust you. I think as time went on and the years went on, people started to realise it's not, he's not playing because he's not going to be doing the four or five years down the line. Now it's been nearly 13, 14 year. It was 2007 I got out. And I'd become a Christian about a year or so before then. So you're talking 13 year, I don't know, something like that. And so when the, as the time goes on, I think it was, and what I was doing. So the ladder stopped there. Every time I went into this area, I just never see him, he'd disappear. And one day I saw somebody who were new when I walked up from him in the club. I said, can you go and tell such and such that this is real? I'm sorry for what I did for a minute, it's real, I'm not playing. He went, you mean it? I went, yeah, funny enough, he left the pub. We were in five, 10 minutes, them two walking and he walks in, sits down at the table in the pub. And I sat down and I held my hand out and I said, I'm sorry for what I've done. And he said, it takes a big man to do what you've just done. And he got up and walked off. And then, so I was doing stuff like that to people, which was making people think, whoa. And then the prison officer, again I start working in the prison in my mouse. The actual prison where I stopped the prison officers crazy or what. And he was, the officer I was with picked the phone and rang someone. And the door knocked, and the door knocked was the officer I stopped. And he come in and I just said, look mate, I said, I'm sorry for what I've done. I said, I really regret what I've done. Will you forgive me? And he just held his hand out and he said, I forgive you. Yeah. How's that feeling to people who you're potentially nearly killed to then saying they forgive you? Does that give you a bit of peace of mind that? It gives me a peace of mind, definitely. But, and I do forgive myself when I'm crying here. This isn't because I don't forgive myself and I'm feeling like I'm not forgiven. It's more of just having remorse and feeling, you know, realising what I've done. And as I'm talking, the images come into my head. And so I know what I've done. I realise the things I've done. And all I'm going to say is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. What I'm telling you is what I'm comfortable to reveal. Then nothing. And so I think when you're talking about stabbing someone in the head and people go, oh, I think definitely can't tell you the other stuff because if that's enough, I'll just reveal what I need to reveal in my life. And I know that when God came into my life, if He gave me at that point and I'm forgiven and I reveal what I choose to reveal and that's it for really kind of thing. Do you get any medication or anything in the notion? No, I never have, I've never took it. Did the diagnose you anything? Yeah, I don't know if I've said it. Yeah, I was diagnosed. Wait, I've had a few different ones because you seem to get different ones. But at the time I was diagnosed with paranoid delusions. Psychopathic tendencies and personality disorder. I was diagnosed with them three things. And I'll tell you where that comes from. The psychopathic tendencies and the paranoid delusions were, I mean, you were walking down a street and you disrespected me. I would then see people around the area and if they laughed, and it'll only be laughing amongst themselves talking, in my head, I'd be thinking they're laughing because they mugged me off and I never did anything about it. So there's the paranoid delusions. They would get worse, see? Everyone's laughing at you, Shane. They think you're a mug. They think you're an idiot. You're going to have to deal with them. You bumped into your like that and you didn't do anything about it. I had a laugh and looked at them. Do you hear them laughing there? Then that would turn into psychopathic tendencies. I would then start plotting the deaths, start plotting to kill on, stab them up. And it wouldn't go on my head and it would get worse. The longer I leave it, the worse it gets. And then I would just think crazy stuff. I'm going to kill them. I'll do this and do that and start looking in books about what to get away with murders and all this stuff, crazy stuff. And my mind would just go off down that route and I'd literally daydream daily, like how I'm going to kill them. It wouldn't go on my head. In the sense of a matter of just the worse it gets, the more I want to do it. And it's horrible. So when people are battling mental health and a lot of people say, they're getting a release. When you're battling these mental thoughts, you're sort of, your self-harm is taking revenge out on other people. And you would get a release. Yeah, that's the best way to put it. That would give me relief and release me. Cos it was almost like it's just pressure. I'd give myself pressure in my brain. So if I leave things, I'd come to a point where I'd stop leaving things because I knew that if I left it, so I would deal with it on the spot because I knew I would suffer if I didn't. And it's like now, even as a Christian, now I don't fear people. I fear my response to people. And I know I'm a Christian, but I'm human. And 100% of changing would take something drastic to get me to go down another route. But that's reality, do you know? How is that then when you start changing your life? If you've made the reputation that people fear you, but the damage that you've done, is it ever fearful that there will be a revenge because you have went to the other side? No, I don't fear people. Like I say, it doesn't matter. If people want to do that, they do it. There's nothing I can do about that. I just hope and pray for their sake because this is how I look at it. It's them who's damaging themselves even more. So if I've hurt them, who's winning if I'm still bothering them? And so the message would be really for people is don't let it bother you. And if the revenge is only going to affect them in the end, I can't do nothing about what other people think I'll do. I can try and give remorse. And if I see them, I can try and shake their hands. I can try and do whatever. But yes, I do sometimes have it in the back of my mind. What if someone does this, what if they plot that? What if this happens? And so it doesn't make me edgy, but it does enter me head a little bit sometimes, yeah. Yeah, it can play tricks in your mind because you still get the old thoughts, process. You maybe watch a certain film or hear a certain song where it can trigger certain emotions from. My biggest battle is pride over thinking things. And like if someone's mugged me off, I still struggle. Obviously I can overcome with it, but I'm still a human being just because I'm a Christian. People think you're suddenly becoming a super holy person with no struggles, nor. I still have the struggles, but God helps me to cope with them, and I can overcome them. But I can, someone can do something to me in two months down the line, I can still be thinking about it in my head when the other person's totally forgot about it on the same day. So I still have battles in there, but just I'm not to cope with them now and I'm not to deal with them thoughts and not enough thoughts with them situations. So how do you deal with it, Shane, if you still get all the emotions and feelings that you still get those feelings that you want to kill a stab? I don't get the feelings that I want to kill people and stuff like that, but I worry, I have a worry in my head, like if people come and it's on me, you know, like you're saying what if people come back and revenge and let's just say 10 people turn up at my front door, how I respond to that is what I worry about. And I know what I'm like, but when I've got you, I know that I can let things go and I know that it would take something huge to set me off. But what you don't know, you can never know what's around the corner when it comes to your family and needn't protect your family and stuff like that. How would you respond and what would you do? And I'm not fearful of anybody that we tell you that right now. And I don't mean that in a, there's no fear in there. I have one fear or keeps me right right now. And it's God. If you take God away from my life, I have no fear. God's become that control for me. I fear God. And so when I overthink things and think I'll do this, I'll do that, I have this fear that I know what happened to me in the prison. You know, people can say what they want, but I know God's real, I know he come. So because I know that, I have a fear of, you know, getting it wrong in the sense of going down the wrong route that keeps me on track at the minute. But do I wonder off in my mind and think I sack this, I'm sick of people, I'm sick of these people, think I'm a mug, I'll show them. Do I have them fought at times? Definitely 100%. I do get them fought and I do struggle with them still. I'm a... Yeah, yes, you mean it. I think everybody gets those crazy thoughts of people getting pissed off, people hating their boss or hating an enemy and they'll get a thought, we'll fucking kill them, I'll put them there or whatever. But the thing with you is you'll back it up so it must be scarier for you that people will drive down and they'll think about other things and we get crazy thoughts. I get crazy thoughts, but I was never to the extent where I would fall anything through. You just get a sense of relief of thinking of fucking punching fuck out of somebody harming somebody that you hate that's done harm to you, your family. Like there is a good feeling from it, but then you go, you feel tired after it, but for yourself, it must be harder because you know you can go down, you can go that extra edge. Scares me, yeah. I have that fear. I don't, like I say, I do not fear people. Honestly, I don't know why. I don't know if that is that weird, is that a problem, I don't know. But no one scares me. It does not. Someone ran at me and pulled out a gun now. Shoot me, it does not fear me. I don't know what that is. I don't know if that's still a problem and I'm not sure, but I don't fear people. It doesn't bother me. What about speaking to somebody now? Have you spoke to anyone? I called you instead of doctors. Well, I've been out of prison for over 13, 14 years now and I'm sound. How old are you now, Shane? 40. Still young. Yeah. So what's your daily routine like now? Get up, school run with five kids. Come back, train, start a train again. Go jogging and then chill out what you're telling and I have to pick my wife up and then go on. No, do the school run again and then go and pick the wife up and that's my daily run. How do you go now forward for the future now that you've been out for 13, 14 years? You've got a successful book out as well. What's your plans for the future, Shane? I've learnt not to plan my life out because you don't know what's around the corner. That sounds crazy. But I just take everything as it comes now. Like all that, it just come my way. I don't go out. I don't care about money. I don't get no money from that. Why? Cos I don't care, it's not about that for me. I know what happened to me. I know where I was in life and I was a scumbag and I was in a dark place and I was lost in a life but I knew what I thought I could never get out of. And when I was in prison, I used to always think when I get out, this is it, this is going to be the time and I really generally meant it. When I get a job, I'm going to do this and then you get out and after a couple of months you'll be with your old friends, back to jail again, sat there, what have I done? And it's just a cycle and you don't know how to get out of it. And two messages is no matter where you are in life. You can change and the second one is God is 100% real. He came into my life and I'm telling you now, he changed my life for the good and I know. And I almost have this like desperation in me sometimes. Now when you want to just get people and say, listen, it's real, just believe me because you're going to die one day and all the times you've laughed and joked and it's too late and it's like that kind of a feeling for me and I just want that message out. You don't have to go down that route of crime and I don't care about money to get that. You don't need money to get that message out. You know, someone else is obviously making a bit of money out but I don't want any, I'm not bothered. OK. I've had a few people on it's been in prison and the same as people who's had addictions have turned to Christ and it's changed their life. I'm open for everyone to do what they want as long as they're not harming anyone if you're focusing your energy on something and it's changing your life for the better, for the man that you are, then so be it man, go for it. For anybody that's maybe in the prison system and now that's maybe too proud and think what's this Bible bashing shit but they're maybe scared that they can't get out of their method of thinking of hate and violence and pain. What advice would you give for them Shane? I'd say just learn how to just get away from that life because I'll tell you one thing I've realised and this is the biggest message. See your friends or you think you've got, they're not real. I'm telling you, I know they might say this, they might say they've got your back and it's not real. And what I've learnt is see you've got like a licence on kids outside and your mate comes to you and you class him as your best mate and he says, I will mate, we've got some graft, I will let go. Is that a mate? When he knows you've got a family to look after and he's putting you in a position where you can go to prison so you won't be looking after your family. And this is what I started to think like. I think your logic needs to change on what your loyalty is to people because it's just, they're not for you, they want you with them so you can go and do stuff with them and stuff but they're not there and when you go to jail, think about this for a majority of prisoners now. When you were in jail, how many of your friends have you grew up with or writing to you right now? I'll bet you're with your mum and maybe you're auntie and maybe you're lass. But how many of all your friends who you used to hang about with, how many of them writing to you right now? Not many. And I can tell you that now because they're not, they don't care. You're in jail out of sight, out of mind and you're going to jail because you're trying to impress them. You want to impress everyone and restate your criminal. And then when you're going to jail within a year you forgot about. No one wants to know. You know, and that's the only lesson I can say because I don't think people in me to listen anyway. They're stuck in their thing for now until it's time. But that's the only message I can say is just look at who's writing to you right now and you'll see who your pals are and you'll see you don't have many. And when you get out and you go down the right path, you meet people and you see different morals that will make you realise that you will live in a different life. Do you feel as if you get used a lot, Shane? 100%. For example, like I've just said, no-one would write to me for years and years on end. A year before I'm getting out, suddenly I'm getting all these letters off all my friends and family telling me all the problems about how such and such went round and did this to them. And I just started thinking you haven't wrote to me in seven years. Now I've got a year left. Suddenly you're writing and you're telling me problems because they want me to get out, you see, because I'm known as being a nutter and they want me to go and sort the problems out. That's enough friends. Well, if they wrote me all the way through my eight year sentence, I'm fair enough. But that's what I just realised are not your true friends. Like one of my family members before when I got out, my wife felt pregnant and my cousin got done in. He came round my house with bloody nose and that was like, you know what happened there? He said, I've got done in. I would come round, what are you doing for us? I was like, I've got a lass who's pregnant. Went to their house, me had his house a couple of doors after. A couple of days after she went, oh, how come you didn't sort the lad out? I said, I've got a lass who's pregnant. She went, well, I would have visited you wouldn't I? And I just thought you selfish. Said like I'm going to leave a pregnant wife out to deal with it and bring her own kid up because you wanted me to go and do some of that. And I realised then, I thought even my family aren't even for me. They're all for themselves. And then when you don't have the reputation anymore, your friends take them out here. Your family take them out here. They think you're a mug and they no longer want you anymore. And that's why I realised they all just wanted me round because I was a nutler and I had a reputation so that could all use my name. And that's so I dropped everybody out. Yeah, getting used. That's the scary thing is a lot so many people get used and they don't realise it until it's too late. But at least you've realised that, which is a good thing. You're still young to plan for the future. I know you don't like planning, but just keeping ahead and doing what you can do. Live your best life. Like it can be difficult, especially in this environment, but fair play for your change. Byrna, would you like to finish up on anything, Shane? No, just you can change. You know what I mean? And I was the worst. It's that I was described. And I'm not saying this to big myself up because I'm not, but I'm just making a point as I was described as one of the most the six most dangerous prisoners in the UK. And for me to go from that to where I am now, if I can do it, you can do it. You've just got to put your mind into it. You've just got to think I've had enough of this, no way. I want to prove people wrong, want to do this, I'm going to do that. And just try and try a totally different life. Biggest mistake for me is wasting all that life in jail. When you finally want to change your life, you've messed your life up that much. You're not educated. You've never had a job. You give yourself a criminal record longer than your arms, so it's harder to get a job. When you finally do change, it's 10 times harder for you. And so it's just, do you know what I mean? It's just hard. It's just you don't want to be at that point where you regret your life. You don't want to be at that point where you're sitting there thinking, oh no, why didn't I just do this all that time back? And you can do it right now. Now, you know, if you're in prison, you can get out of prison and decide on that day, I'm not going back, sack all this. I've got my mom, I've got my dad to look after, and you know, and think of what you do to them. You know, I didn't realise that my mom used to go upstairs and cry. You know, you think you're in jail, you think it yourself, but you've got to remember you've got a mom who loves you and on them special days when she's even, all them other parents talking about their, oh, my son opened his Christmas presents, oh, and you're stuck in a jail and she's not seeing you. How do you think that feels to them? It's crazy. And when I was doing this, and he's the one for people who love the money, as I was doing this course and one of the questions they asked me on the course is, if you were to give your child a choice, have 20 million pound on Christmas day or have your dad for Christmas or have your daddy with you, which one do you think the kids are always going to choose? And it's always going to be your dad. So when you're stuck in jail for 15, 20 years, missing 15, 20 years of your children's lives, remember that they're always chose to be with you. So as a parent, why can't you choose to be with them? Instead of taking your risks and in your risk, especially when you're selling drugs, destroying other kids and destroying other families while you're at it, because that's another thing I disagree with. You always hear your people on the streets or I'm carried away, but you always hear your people on the streets doing you about criminals. I hear that, I get it, he does this. Burgles houses. I would never harm a child. I would never do this to a woman. But see drug dealers know what they don't realise. They do that every single day. Not directly, but they're doing it. Destroying families, destroying kids and having a good upbringing because the man's full of drugs and destroying society, but it's okay because I'm not directly doing it, but your actions are causing that. So you're hitting baggads because they're going on burgling and you call them scumbags, yet they're baggads because you were putting that gear on the street to making baggads in the first place. And that's what, you know, anyway. But that's still the main thinking as well, where you've got that main set where you're ready to kill, that drug dealers have got that main set where they're just wanting to make money, thinking that they want to provide for their family, not realising the destruction they're causing behind the scenes. It's just that some people wake up, like every drug dealer I've ever known, people that were active, they never get anywhere. And that's just facts. I've spoke to the biggest drug lords on the planet, some guys, and they'll tell you the same thing, but fucking skint. You spoke earlier you wanted to be a gangster, but the real gangsters are the one with suits and fucking... That's sitting behind the scenes making their money and life is a weird thing, but do you know what, brother? For coming on the day and telling your story Shane, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I look forward to seeing what you do for the future. Yeah, thank you. God bless you brother. God bless.