 So my son has a friend who's about his age. He's about six or seven years old and this kid is very smart. He's very creative. He's a kind of kid who would rather color, draw, build things than play with all the toys that he gets. He dresses very well for his age and recently his parents have been concerned that he's going to get made fun of. So they've been putting efforts in to teach him how to become a man and how to dress a little bit differently and things like that. In an effort to not have him get made fun of. But in this video, we're going to talk about this and ask ourselves, should we be teaching our kids to live a life where they're trying not to get made fun of or should we teach them resilience? So make sure that you stay tuned and watch this entire video. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And yeah, this is a topic that I really think we need to discuss. It's something that I've dealt with with my son. I know a lot of parents deal with this and we need to start talking about this because although I have a mental health channel and most of my audience, a lot of you are in your 20s or 30s. Some of my audience is much younger too. So I'm reaching a demographic where people are becoming parents, but I'm also reaching kids as well. So this is definitely an important topic. So we're going to be talking about a few things that are very important when it comes to mental health and how children develop. We're going to be talking about bullying. We're going to talk about getting picked on, getting teased and all those things. So the first thing I want to do and I want you to remember this throughout the video, this is a big fact disclaimer. A big fact disclaimer. I am not saying that bullying is okay. I'm not saying that, all right? But I'm also not saying that children should be bending to the whim of every other child in their school simply to appease them and avoid being made fun of because this can cause a lot of issues later on in life. A lot of issues because I'm definitely one of those people who developed these issues. So let's paint a picture real quick. We have a child who is coming into his own or her own and they're being creative. They're doing their own thing and they're finding out their likes and dislikes and things like that, but we're worried about this kid getting made fun of. And this is a very, very real thing that parents worry about. I know it's something we worried about with my son for a while, but what are we teaching them if we're teaching them that they need to please other people? What are we teaching them if we're telling them to lose their identity and bend to the identity that's more acceptable to everybody else? So I've done some videos recently on borderline personality disorder. I'm also doing a video book review of a BPD book. I'm just finishing. One of the most fascinating things about borderline personality disorder that I keep seeing over and over and over again is that these symptoms often develop in childhood. One of the core symptoms of borderline personality disorder is losing a sense of self. One of the reasons that kids turn into borderline adults is because they lose their identity. They lose it or they don't know what it is. I struggled with many, many symptoms of borderline personality disorder. So I know how difficult this can be. Growing up, I was so fearful. I was so fearful of people not liking me or not fitting in that I was always trying to blend in with different groups. And this is very common amongst people who lose this sense of self. So, you know, I could be a jock over here. I could be a nerd over there. I could be a gamer over here. I can hang out with the golf kids over there. I can hang out with the skaters and the stoners over here. Never knowing who I am and then developing later in life, we're constantly fighting this battle of trying to discover who we even are and it's constantly changing and we lose this sense of self. And this is very, very bad because it leads to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, extreme depression. Many people who develop this become suicidal or have a lot of suicidal thoughts, right? Because they feel empty inside. They feel this void because they never learned who they were. So that's why this video is so, so, so important because we need to ask ourselves, like, why are we trying to train our kids to never get made fun of? Because when I've done videos on this channel about anxiety, a lot of it is learning about what is in your control and what is not in your control. And something that is never in your control is how people perceive you, okay? They often say, you know, first impressions are so important, right? And we often think, yeah, first impression is how I introduce myself. Do I have a firm handshake? Do I smile? Do I have anything in my teeth? No, your first impression is right when you walk through the door. People are judging you the second you walk into a room. It's human nature. It's something that we do. It's part of our survival skills. We have to constantly be on the lookout because if there's a threat, we need to know it, right? Or a potential mate, we need to be judging people. So to design our children's lives around never getting judged or being judged poorly is impossible. We're setting them up to fail. We're also setting them up to be people pleasers. We're also setting them up with a false idea that if you blend in with people, you will be liked, you will be loved and you will be accepted. A lot of us know that that's not true. So what's the solution? So I'm going to talk about some conversations that I have with my son because as somebody who is recovering from severe depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction, anxiety, the last thing I want is for my son to go through any of that. So I take from my own experiences and I teach him that along with everything that I learn about improving mental health. So something that I try to teach him on a regular basis is how to love yourself, how to love all of who you are because when you love who you are, you don't care about what other people think, right? Now, don't get it twisted. I'm not saying like, let your kid wear whatever they want and have them show up to school with underwear on their head. I'm not saying that, all right? We got to teach our children how to dress appropriately and things like that. You know, as long as it's within the guidelines of school and society and all those things, you know, and some of you are a little bit more liberal with that. If your kid wants to wear a unicorn outfit out in public, go for it. Do your thing. But we really need to teach our children how to love themselves, okay? Because if we're training our children to become as sick as we are as adults and there are so many people who are never going to see this video, but you might be one of those people where you are constantly seeking the approval of others, right? Because you have this thing inside of you that says you're not good enough, right? You don't look right. You don't act right. You don't talk right. And if you could only fix these things, then you could be happy. But go check out my video, which I'll link right here, The Hungry Ghost. That's what we are. We're constantly trying to fill this void. So what if we teach our children how to fill that void themselves with self-love and self-compassion, letting our children know that they're never going to be perfect, letting our children know that they're going to school up, letting our children know that not everybody is going to like them. You know, I know all of you love me if you're watching this video, but trust me, there's some people who don't like me very much and that's okay. So the second point to that is what I teach my son is have morals and have values. Do the right thing. Always do the right thing. Do the right thing that helps you go to sleep at night because when you combine these two things together and they kind of feed off one another, then you don't have to worry about other people's judgments. If I am conducting myself in a way every day that aligns with my core values, I don't have to worry about other people's opinions. I know that I am doing the right thing as much as possible and even if I slip, I know I'm trying my best. If we can teach that to our children, then they're going to develop more confidence and self-esteem, right? Because they know that they didn't do anything, at least not on purpose, hopefully to instigate any teasing or bullying. You know, they're just being themselves, but they love themselves. So if some little kid says, oh my god, you're not wearing the newest shoes, who cares? You know what I mean? What are we going to do? Are we going to go and empty out our wallet so other kids accept him? We are feeding into this problem that is largely affecting our society and making people extremely depressed and extremely anxious. The next thing I teach my son on a regular basis is empathy. Empathy, empathy, empathy. And this comes from two different ways. So one of them is when my son, when he gets picked on, right? I ask him to recognize how that feels. I'm like, how did it feel? And we talk about it. We talk about the emotions that he feels. We talk about the thoughts that he has. And we recognize that this doesn't feel good. And I ask him, I say, what can we learn from that? What can we learn from this? And something that he's learned is he doesn't want to make anybody else feel that way, right? Lesson number one, very important lesson. So by being bullied, we learn not to bully others. We learn to treat others with the same kindness and compassion and love and acceptance and tolerance that we would want to be treated with ourselves, right? So my son is also very in tune with other people's emotions and other people's feelings and he feels bad for other kids. So he's seen other kids get picked on. Again, empathy. My son can spot from a mile away if a kid's getting picked on. And I've taught my son to go over there and be friend that kid. Go talk to that kid. See what his interests are. Have a conversation. Maybe develop a friendship. My kid's not best friends with every kid he does this. But what my son is doing is he's going out there and reaching out to these other kids who are being attacked. Now, the last part of this whole empathy triangle that we're building here is empathy for the bully. Empathy for the kid who is picking on your child. This is something else I teach my son. I offer him another perspective regularly. And by the way, adults, you're not getting away with this either. I need to teach you all about this too. I constantly have my son ask himself, is it possible that that kid, that kid who is teasing me or making fun of me or bullying me, is it possible that that kid is going through something? That's something that a lot of us don't think about. What is that other kid's life like? What is his home life like? Does he have alcoholic or drug addict parents, right? Are they poor? Does his family always fight? Is he getting neglected at home? What is going on in this kid's life? Does he not get things? Does he not have toys and all these other things? And when I offer my son that other perspective, he's like, oh, wow. This kid might be hurting. I will link another video right here. It talks about how hurt people hurt people. There's always a reason. There's a reason for this bullying. And the beautiful thing about children is that we still have a chance with them. We have a chance with adults too. I'm not saying to lose hope, but we have a chance to help mold them and change their minds. What happens if my son is able to befriend a bully? What happens if my son is able to sit down with a bully and say, hey, how are you doing, man? How's everything going for you? How's life? What's your family like? What if my son finds out and offers this kid some compassion? Now, not only is my son becoming more empathetic and seeing people in a different light, but maybe this kid realizes that he has some problems that are going on and maybe that he needs to work on. And that's a whole other video about how kids need to approach this. I've had a lot of young people reach out to me lately that are under 18 and usually I direct them to school counselors and other resources like that. But again, we need to start thinking about how we're shaping our children. How are we shaping our children? What do adults struggle with? Do we want our children to struggle with the same things that adults are struggling with when it comes to their mental health? And if not, how can we change that course? You know what I mean? How can we teach them to love and accept themselves and forgive themselves when they screw up? You know, all these different things. So yeah, again, I really wanted to make this video because I think some of us have such a fear that our child is going to be picked on or bullied or looked down upon by other people for just being themselves. And we are we are restricting their creativity and their ability to develop this sense of self. And it's the absolute wrong way about going of this thing. You know what I mean? Like, and I've read countless books on childhood psychology and brain development, which I need to make more videos on. But the last thing we want to do is have our children lose their sense of self, right? Just out of fear that other people might judge them. Because again, it's going to happen anyways. Alright, so I hope you enjoyed this video. Please share this video, spread it around social media. Maybe some parents will see this and hopefully they get some insight and maybe a new perspective on how to do this thing. Alright, but thank you so much for watching. Give this video a thumbs up if you liked it. And if you're new here, I'm always making videos about mental health, trying to help the kids out too. So make sure you click that little round subscribe button. If you want to check out some other content on my channel, you can click or tap right there. Alright, thanks again for watching. Teach your kid to be more resilient and I'll see you next time.