 The Jack Benny program, quality of product, is essential to continuing success. It is a service. In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts and... LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And year after year, at market after market, independent tobacco experts, men who spend their lives buying, selling and handling tobacco, can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And this fine Lucky Strike tobacco means real deep down smoky enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. At 50, say, allopity bity, bity, bity, bity, bity, bity, bity. American. The Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Davis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas will soon be with us, and millions of people are rushing around making hasty last minute purchases. So let's go back to last Monday and look in on a local department store in Beverly Hills. Have you made up your mind yet, Mr... Well, well, I don't know. That was Monday. We now bring you up to Wednesday. Same story. Now look, mister, you've examined them both very carefully. Haven't you made up your mind yet? Gee, I... I don't know which one I want. That was Wednesday. We now bring you up to Saturday. Same story. Gosh, I wish you hadn't shown me both of them. Let me see that first one again, will you? Look, mister, I got a wife and five kids. I haven't been home in a week. Now make up your mind, will you? Gosh, I... I can't decide. This one looks nicer, but the... the other seems to be more durable. Oh, Jack, for heaven's sake, shoelaces are shoelaces. Mary, when you're buying a gift for somebody, you don't rush into things. Now let's see if I take the... Oh, pardon me. Hello? Yes? Oh, thanks. Thanks for telling me. Goodbye. Gee, it's so hard. Look, mister, I want to go home. I got six kids now. Well, congratulations. A new baby. Do you mind if I buy something for the little fellow? No. No, why don't you buy him a razor? A razor? Yeah, by the time you pick it out, he'll be old enough to use it. Hmm. That's an old joke. It was new when we came in here. Mister, I'll take these shoelaces, the... the shorter ones. Well, thank heavens. Now do you want the metal tips or the plastic tips? Here we go again. I'll take the plastic ones. The metal ones rust. You're right, Jack, but of course you know the plastic ones crack. Oh. Well, then wait a minute. Well, let me see. If that phone rings again, I'm going to punch you right in the nose. All right, give me the metal ones. Yes, sir. I'll pick them up later. I'm opening a charge account. Come on, Mary. Mary, you have my Christmas list, haven't you? Yes, here it is. What does it say? It says, uh, dear Jackie boy, I couldn't meet you last night because the customer spilled a chocolate soda all over my uniform, so I had... The list is on the other side. Give it to me. Wait a minute, Jack. Who's Josephine? It's a little blonde car hop at Simon's Drive-In. She used to work at the Glendale branch, but they promoted her to Beverly Hills. Gee, I... I hope that chocolate soda incident doesn't send her back to Glendale. You know, she's very pretty, Mary. The Drive-In uses her picture in all their newspaper ads. Oh, yes, I remember. She was Miss Cheeseburger of 1945. Yeah. She'd have made it this year, too, but her mustard was on crooked. She just goes to show you fate, a little thing like that. Let me see that list, Mary. Here. Can I help you, young man? Help me? Yes. You've been standing in front of this counter for ten minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Well, that's understandable. You're confused because it's Christmas time. You've got the Christmas spirit. You're doing your Christmas shopping and you're looking at so many different things. Well, that explains why I'm confused in December. What about the other months? Well, I wouldn't know about that. I'm a coal miner by trade. I'm just doing this to help pay the fine. Oh. Well, gee, I'd like to get something for my parents. Oh, your mother and father, eh? Yeah. How did you know? I, uh, I just figured it out. Oh, I know. I think I'll get my mother a new corset. Well, don't you think she should come down and pick out her own corset? Oh, mother hasn't left the house for three days. Is she sick? No, the string broke on her old one and she can't get through the door. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah. We were spending a quiet evening at home when, boing! Through in all directions. Oh, my goodness. Was anybody hurt? No, but my father got pinned to the wall. Anyway, wrap me up that size 44 corset and I'll take it with me. Yes, sir. Now, let's see, uh, let's see that list again, Mary. Oh, yes. A dozen blades for Phil. Some handkerchiefs for Rochester. Some little toy for Dennis. You told me at Cirrus last night you were going to buy Dennis a grand piano. Last night I had four glasses of muscatel. I'm all right now, so where's the toy department? Oh, wait a minute, Jack. What about your producer, Robert Ballin? Oh, yes. I don't know what to get him. Oh, Jack, look, why don't you get him one of those new canvas golf bags? Yeah, he'd love that. And it's only $15. Oh. See, I just happened to think he doesn't play golf. Well, why don't you give him a nice cocktail shaker? Say, say, that sounds good. And it's only $12.50. Hmm. I just happen to remember he doesn't drink either. Uh, what else can I buy him? Well, he's a racing fork. Let's see you get out of that. Oh, stop, will you? I'll think of something. Now, let's see. Hey, Jack, long time no see. Huh? Huh? Oh, oh, hello. Come on, Mary. Uh, who is that? Oh, he's a racetrack tout I used to see at Santa Anita. You remember we ran into him at the Union Station last year? Oh, yeah. Say, Mary, I want to get a watch for my sponsor. Where the jewelry department is. Well, there's a floor walker. Ask him. Oh, yes. Oh, floor walker. Floor walker. Yeah. Can you tell me where the jewelry department is? Yes, but you'll hate yourself in the morning. Look, I didn't ask for any wisecracks. You either give me a civil answer, I'll report you. Now, where is the jewelry department? It's on the third floor. Thanks. Like fun it is. Never mind. I'll find it myself. Hmm. It's a fine store to do business with. You walked in here lotus blossom. Nobody bragged. Oh, boy. Come on, Mary. We'll find it. Mary, let's go upstairs and get that watch for my sponsor. We'll take one of these elevators. Well, number five is just about to go up. Yeah, let's hurry. Hey, uh, Jack. Hey, Jack. Huh? Oh. Oh, it's you again. Yeah. Come here a minute. What is it? Where are you going? Upstairs. Which elevator are you taking? Uh, number five. Uh-uh. What? Take number three. It'll beat five to the top by two and a half floors. But number five is about to go up. I know, I know, but she's carrying too much weight. I don't know. What do you think about number one? Uh-uh. Local. Can't go the distance. Well, what about number two? Slow starter. Well, it really doesn't make any difference. I'm only Christmas shopping. Okay. It's your money. I wonder where he gets his information. Jack, are we going up or not? So far, all you bought is a pair of shoelaces. Well, at least the... See, Mary, I was thinking, maybe you were right about those plastic tips. I think they're better than the metal ones. I'll go back and change them. Oh, Jack. Come on, I'm going to change those shoelaces. Pardon me, mister. Would you mind waiting on me, please? Why, yes, sir. What can I do for you all? Well, well, honey, it's child. Where you all from? Alabama. You know that's down south. Well, corn my pony, and mint my julep shake hands with a fellow rabble. Am I from the south? Just run your hands through my hair and feel those bowl weevils. Wait a minute. Your voice is off of familiar. Haven't I heard it before? Well, I'll show you how, babe. I'm Phil Harris, the Texas Toscanini. Just wait till I tell the other girls that I waited on Phil Harris. Now, what would you like to buy? Well, sugar. I don't know. How would y'all like to see something nice in lingerie? Now, honey, you know you shouldn't throw me a line like that. You're so cute. Yeah, everybody knows this. You're so much different than our pictures used to be. On the radio, you're such a braggart. You sound so conceited. I know, but it ain't really like that, honey. But Benny's writer's always right me that way. His writer? Yeah, every time they get a hold of a beautiful hunk of man, they make him conceited. Now, look, let's see what I can get for my wife. Oh, I know. Give me one of them negligee's there. Yes, shall I wrap it as a gift? Yeah, fix the package so she can't peek into it. So seal it over with some of that there scotch and soda tape. Wrap it up for you in just a minute. But look, Mr. Plastic Tips and Metal Tips, what difference does it make? Well, it's a gift, and I want it to be right. But those other shoelaces are more expensive. I don't care. I'll take them anyway. When he buys shoelaces, money is no object. That's right. Give me the expensive one. All right, all right. You're not hurting me. I work on commission. Just wrap them and I'll pick them up later. Come on, Mary. Jack, I'll learn to document the lingerie counter. I like this shade, miss. I'll take this pair of two-thread hose. You're wrong, lady. This hose is three-thread. Oh, no, it's two-thread. I beg your pardon, but it's three-thread. Listen, sister, don't argue with me. Not so long ago, I was standing right where you are. That's so, Mary. Well, hello, Mr. Bieny. I see the yule time is catching up with you. Oh, hello, Mr. Kitzel. Are you doing your Christmas shopping? Ho-ho-ho! The things I am buying for my little daughter I am buying you should excuse the expression, a piggy bank. And my little boy is at the age where he is going in for sports, but I don't know what to get him. Why don't you buy him a badminton set? I'll pay a little more and I'll get him a Goodminton set. What? Christmas only comes once a year. I guess you're right. But I'm having trouble finding what my wife wants. What's that? A mishmashel. What? A mishmashel. Oh, no, you mean a mixmaster. That's right, a mixmashel. Well, I'm sure you'll find one in the appliance department. Thank you. Well, goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. Goodbye. Mary, Mary, while you're buying the stockings, I'll go over to the toy department and get something for Dennis. All right, Jack, I'll see you later. Well, there you are, Mr. Wilson. How does that shoe feel? Oh, it fits perfectly. I'll take that fair. That's fine. And would you like some extra shoelaces? No, I always get a pair for Christmas. Well, that must keep you excited. Yes, I never know whether I'm going to get plastic tips or metal tips. Oh, well, I'll have these shoes wrapped for you in just a minute, Mr. Wilson. All right. Oh, hello, Don. Hey, Jack, doing your Christmas shopping? Yeah, we're just going over to the toy department. I just came from there, and I've bought you the most novel thing you've ever seen in your life. For me? Yes. In fact, I am not even going to wait till Christmas. I'm going to show it to you right now. Well, what is it? Look, but Don, that's nothing but a set of toy wooden soldiers. That's not for me. Just watch what happens when I wind them up. But Don.殺 Don, that was nice of you to sing. Don, I don't want that. I'll have to wind them up again never mind Don. I don't wonder but it was a nice thought anyway. See you later Don't bother wrapping them as a gift. Here you are. Thank you. Oh Hello, Dennis. Hello, Miss Livingston. Gee am I tired? I just walk up to the sixth floor and back walk Why don't you take the elevator? Well, I was gonna take elevator number three, but some man came over and told me it was scratched I'm the friend of Jack. What are you doing here in the music department? Oh, I was just gonna buy some records Here's a swell one, Mary. You want to hear it? Yes, put it on. Okay I was looking for you where have you been? Oh, I was just talking to Dennis. Oh, let me look at that list again Well, yeah, yeah, I still have to get a present from my old girl Gladys Abisco. I Don't know what to get her. Do you think she'd like a lipstick? I don't know. She got lip I think I think I'll buy her a bottle of I think I'll buy her a bottle of perfume Let's see what else. Oh, yes, I'll have to send something to Fred Allen Fred Allen. I didn't know you and Fred exchange gift Oh, sure this year. I'd like to get him something he needs. I wonder what department sells plasma. Oh Well, come on, I'll get the perfume first. I think it's right over there What what's that may I have your autograph mr. Benny my autograph yes, it will make me so very happy Well, I'll I'll I'll be glad to there you are. Oh, thank you very much, mr. Benny. Thank you Who was that guy anyway, what's the difference as long as he's happy here's the perfume counter Here's the perfume counter. Oh, yes. Yes, uh, pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy some perfume. Okay, mr. What kind of perfume would you like? Well, I don't know what's popular right now. Well, here's something. That's not too strong yet leaves a trail of broken hearts Oh, it's called a vectrage a tambourine cool my sherry tray B What what does that mean in English condensation of steam that's been forced to a motorman's glove Do they go through so much trouble? No, no, I don't think I'd like that. Well, here's some other perfume called essence of smog Well, I don't know Mary. Do you think I ought to take a bottle of this? slightly How much is it mr. This is 25 bucks an ounce and the other one I showed you 30 bucks Well, haven't you anything a little more reasonable? Yeah, I even have some perfume for 25 cents an ounce 25 cents an ounce. What kind of a bottle does that come in? It don't come in no bottle. We keep it on tap I bet they serve pretzels with it Well, I don't think I'll take any by the way, mr How come they put a fellow like you behind the perfume counter? Oh my regular job is in a delicatessen department slicing Limba Gache Limba Gache yeah once a month. They sent me here to neutralize me. Well, what do you know? Come on, Mary, I'll get the perfume later. Let's go home. I'm I'm tired I forget to stop at the notions counter to pick up the shoelaces you bought the ones of the plastic kip the shoelaces But hey wait a minute. Did I get the plastic tips? Sure you went back and changed them. Oh, yeah, you know Mary now that I think about it. Yeah Yes, Mary. I might as well get what I want and I'd rather have the metal tips. Come on Oh, look, there's Rochester buying some necktie. Yeah, and that floor walkers waiting on them Let's sneak up behind them. I think this tie is beautiful. It's very unusual. Yeah, but I don't think my boss would like it It isn't this style. I see what type of man is your boss? Well, he's medium tall medium weight and rather conservative. You mean he's conservative in appearance. It goes deeper than that At least he's subtle quiet. I want to hear this now. Here's a nice time. Maybe like this one Yeah, that's a pretty thing. How much is it? It's only three dollars and fifty cents. How much three dollars and fifty cents Too bad he would have liked that one Oh fine Well, if you don't want to spend quite so much here's a nice time for eighty nine cents Well, that's close to what I have in mine and wallet Of course, it might be a little too plain for your boss. Is he a young man? No Is he middle age? No Is he elderly? Wrap it up Rochester Van Jones I know you didn't don't be buying me any eighty nine cent time. You keep out of this. I'm working on commission Now look Rochester, you've been with me ten years now, and I've been very nice to you I've always tried to make things pleasant for you and keep you happy. Haven't I? I might be here just gold girl's opinion on that Never mind Now I'm leaving you here, and I want you to decide for yourself whether or not I'm worth more than an eighty nine cent tie Come on, Mary. Let's go Hey, Mary, which tie do you think Rochester's gonna buy me the one for three fifty or the one for eighty nine cents? Well, if you were Rochester, which one would you buy? I'll fire that guy Oh, here we are Mary. Here's the notions counter. Oh say mister. Yes about the shoelaces I bought. Oh, yes Yes, I've got them all wrapped up. Here you are. Well, I've been thinking about the plastic tips And I think the metal tips would be much better. No No, no No, but all I all I want to do is change them change Change me says this can't be happening to me. This must be a dream look mister I've always been a good man. I always did the right thing look mister work hard in this door a loyal employee Look clerk when the Christmas season started they gave us our choice of departments I know I could have had any counter I wanted, but I took shoelaces look Why because I thought it would be easy Come on Mary, there's a crowd forming. Let's get out Jack will be back in just a minute, but first here's my good friend. Mr. L.A. Speed Riggs In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts and today tomorrow always Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Mr. Dewey H. Huffee an independent tobacco auctioneer of Reedsville, North Carolina Was born and raised in the tobacco business. He said season after season I have seen the makers of lucky strike by tobacco that's mild ripened mellow fine tobacco That tastes good and smoked good. I've smoked luggage myself for 29 years year after year Independent tobacco experts like mr. Huffee an auctioneer's buyers and warehouses can see the makers of lucky strike Consistently select and buy that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco fine light Naturally mild tobacco real lucky strike tobacco. Yes LSMFT lucky strike means fine tobacco and fine tobacco means real deep down Smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw Say Mary that department store was certainly crowded wasn't it sure was and they had so many people working there It was Mel blank Gerald Moore Frank Nelson Benny Rubin the old of Von Artie our box Sandy bickered Pete leads Elliot Lewis, and you know those little wooden soldiers that sang yeah Sounded just like that quartet the sportsman. I was gonna mention my writers, too But they wouldn't even come in for the show. They stayed in Palm Springs. I hope they run out of suntan oil. Good night National broadcasting company