 Hi, everyone. Welcome back to our podcast from the Kama Sutra to 2020, where we look at your questions, your concerns, even your worries around all things to do with sex and sexuality. As always, we have with us Dr. Anvita Madan Behel. Anvita, as you know, is a psychosexual therapist and she brings the psychological perspective to the advice that the Kama Sutra has to give. But we also are very fortunate today to have with us Pallavi Banwal. Pallavi is also a sex educator with a qualification from the United States. But in our session today, she's coming on as a fantasy specialist. So we're very excited and Pallavi, you're welcome. Thank you, Seema. It's great to be on your platform. Really honored to be on this show. Thank you for being over here. Anvita and I have often discussed this idea of fantasy and we get a lot of questions about the people who write in about what fantasies they have. Then people talk about the guilt that they feel. Then some people talk about how they would like to fantasize, but they can't. And some people actually don't know anything about it. Right, Anvita? We have people who would like to have a better sex life, but can't understand that it's all down to fantasy. Yeah, and I would love to hear Pallavi's perspective because I think what happens is that fantasies are, like we've said, fantasies could be jumping off a plane and having sex while you're doing it. But there is discomfort with people allowing themselves to go there. They still want to stay in the moral compass of what the bedroom might look like, whereas the fantasies can be anything. But I do think they get scared and the morality kicks in about, oh, that's not nice. How can I have sex in the public? How can I think I must be a bad person that I'm imagining having sex in public? So I think that is really hard for people to overcome when they think about fantasies. So Pallavi, tell us, why do you think fantasy is really important? I mean, you have done a lot of work. You run workshops on it. Why do you feel it's so important? Yeah. So we often equate love with that initial phase of passionate love. Like whenever they think of love, people feel that there should be something which is called butterflies in the stomach and then two years or three years down the line because that is the time when it starts fading and you move into this companionate love. And then they start missing that old eroticism. Like where is the spark? Why don't I feel turned on? When I'm with this partner, day in and day out, especially like since we are here, we also have to understand the broader context of a pandemic. Like people where couples are forced to stay in. They did not have those day outs and that has also created a lot of impasse in the erotic dynamic between the couple. So they, because most of the people, they have always kind of bounded themselves from these, you know, as Anvita was saying that moral restrictions, like we judge ourselves. So the self, you know, there is no other judgment. It's the judgment I inflict on myself. And this is, this has gone so high. The control has gone so high that even before thinking about something I feel like, should I think or not? Like something that is in the brain and I fear even thinking. So, and why we need, why we're talking about fantasies is again to answer the first, you know, the question is where the spark has gone. I think it's a great way to kind of reactivate or bring the eros, which is the passion, like they're looking for the passion. And passion is linked to novelty. Passion has a straight linkage to novelty and familiarity brings down the passion. So fantasies are a great way to bring novelty inside you because as much of our sexuality is driven from ourselves. I love this quote. I don't, I'm not remembering the person, but he said that love is a decision rather than something I feel. And I feel this is so empowering and why we're not talking more of that that love is a decision, which means that I need to be as much sexually awakened inside myself rather than just kind of putting it all on the other person that you failed to, you know, arouse me. So fantasies are a great way to go inside my internal world and see the limitless possibilities. So, right. We've often said that, you know, we people would love to be thinking that they have great sex and people like to have good sex if they're in a relationship, that's something that they would like to feel that they have, but most people don't. And I think one of the big ingredients is definitely fantasy. I was just going to say that I think I love this idea of fantasy being the novelty. And so in some ways, it is the new flavor, right? Like, you know, it's it's the thing saying every day you're having dal chawal, dal chawal, dal chawal. And then one day you say, okay, let me imagine this dal chawal feels like whatever. And there's nothing wrong with dal chawal. Nobody's saying that that familiarity is bad. But the excitement that comes with putting in a new flavor, you know, a new tarka in some ways, is the fantasy. So I think that's, as I like that, I love that idea of the fantasy being a novelty into the mix. And I think I really like this idea that it's a decision that you have to make. Because that's something that we always say that you have to decide in your own head that you're going to feel the pleasure. So speaking from the point of view that it's a decision that we're going to make for a lot of people, it's still a very scary idea. Tell us how, if you were not familiar with this, how would you begin to fantasize? Okay. So first of all, we have, you know, when we think of fantasy, we kind of inadvertently relate to sexual fantasy. I mean, there are no platonic fantasies or there are no, you know, day-to-day fantasies. I mean, it is always about something forbidden or mysterious or something like the red room, where I need to go and I need to just make sure that no one is watching me. What I say, and I'm going to quote Dr. Esther Perel, and she has said this, that every person has the capacity to fantasize, which is, which is great to know that some people say, oh, we have never fantasized. So we have always fantasized. We are consuming a lot of media, you know, we are consuming a lot of porn, visual erotica. We have had sexual experiences. So there is a lot of fodder inside. I think fantasy is more about turning into what is already existing in you and start with a blank slate. I mean, we get into those sexual scripts, you know, that is the major block of shoots. Like this is how it should be. The man is supposed to be like this, the woman is supposed to be like this, the sex is supposed to be like this, like the classic, you know, porn case of kissing, you know, squeezing the breast and maybe intercourse like this, it's very linear. I think fantasy is all over. And first of all, you also need to see your state at that time. You cannot be fantasizing when you are rushing for a deadline. You need to cook a meal or your child is hunkering after you. You need to give yourself space, time and relaxation when your body is relaxed because stress is a libido killer. So the ideal time could be after a shower, during having a bath or before you are hitting the bed, like, you know, you are in a rested state or you are in a vacation. So make sure your body is relaxed. Make sure you have that kind of a mental privacy, you know, to think about fantasies. Then I would say maybe pick something, which is something from the past that has worked for you, which could be a great sexual experience that you have had. Think about what kind of setting it was, how you were touched, what we were feeling that time, what was the time in the moment. And take that as a cue. Maybe it could be some kind of a moment where you felt very youthful. So take the themes. Bring out the themes from your past sexual experiences. We often get stuck in the details. Either we kind of romanticize the past and we say, okay, this person, this person, but there is certain theme emerging from that sexual experience. So you can bring those themes at what was something that was like a turn on. Thirdly, you can always be on the look for sexual turn on. Like, to say, you know, I was, before the session I was working on my laptop and there was this person who was just kind of walking by and kind of just gave me a look and I was like, okay, he's looking at me. And I think that whole vibe was something which I felt was like a fantasy. Or maybe you are at the airport and you are just maybe having something by yourself and you see a nice hunk like, you know, a guy who is just sipping a coffee and you just look at them. Okay, does that kind of attract you? People get scared because they think attraction means that, you know, they are actually cheating or betraying. Don't go into the logistics. It is just imagination. What I really want to just hone into what Pallavi was saying is that pick up on themes that have been excited. Like, imagine the sensation and it could be themes that you have, maybe during a movie, you've suddenly felt a flutter, a scene that has or you've looked at, you know, you've imagined yourself in a certain place or a certain time could be the airport to think, release that boundaries. And I think what is really important to just tie up with what Pallavi was saying is don't get, you know, fixated on how can I have sex on the airport? Like, you know, people will be watching something will happen. Just let go of those things. It's in your mind. It's an imagination. It is, it is a tool. It is a source that brings up the arousal and excitement. So it's not something that you practically you don't need to go and see if practically I can actually do this or execute it someday, maybe, but for now, for the starters, it is just something that you're imagining that leads to arousal. So really, it's open. It's, you know, you can think of any and everything. And you can have sex any and anywhere. And we constantly talk about this novelty factor, don't we, that, you know, people are looking for something new that the chemistry has died out, et cetera. So find that, find what excites you, you never have to actually do it, but find what excites you because that is really the final frontier. Everything is possible. And I just want to come in. I know Pallavi said the word youth and I had a reaction to it. Sex is boundless. What she I think, and she can explain herself, but I think what she was trying to say is as a, you know, when there was passion and there was a lot of passion, you can have passion at 70. So it's not, it's about what was that moment that felt full of passion. So I'm just throwing it out there. Actually, I guess for me, that was about like, you know, that first moment when you're in college or in school and you have that feeling of like that ridiculously excited feeling that you get. And as you get, as I've gotten older, you still fantasize, you still fall in love, you still feel passionate, but you don't have that, that, that ridiculous feeling somehow. Seema, you've not had multiple relationships. That's the thing. If you find a new boyfriend after it. Okay, let me just, I'm just about to go and tell Rahul that I need to go and find another partner just to feel that excitement again. Okay. Sorry, Pallavi, to come back to your idea, as you can see, you know, fantasy is very exciting for all of us and we really believe in it. Anvita and I are true believers in the power and the benefits of fantasy. We think it's the best thing anybody can do for themselves. Let's see if we can actually help people create a fantasy script. So do you have some suggestions? Do you have some starting points for the fantasy script? Yes, pleasure is very subjective, you know, it's, it depends on how we interpret it. So I'm going to give you a cue to all the readers and viewers and you can take it from here wherever you want to go. If you feel like, okay, you're going there, you can erase it, come back. So you can always erase it and come back. So this is very, it's a very flexible script. Imagine yourself that you are in a shiny red car. Okay, it's a beautiful car and it is parked on a secluded lane, which is overlooking the ocean. And there is someone in the car with you. What are you going to do with that someone? Oh, Anvita, are you going first? Oh, am I have to build on it? I'm going to the rocks. I'm getting out of the car. I'm going under the sky, under the stars, and I'm going to the rocks, finding a flat. So I love the stars in the sky and the outside. So it's nighttime. Oh, I didn't die. That's my, I made it nighttime. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. It could be the sand or the water coming in as well. I'm going wild with this fantasy. So that's why I'm going. This has been one of my big fantasies always. On the, on the beach, secluded beach, not necessarily nighttime, but yeah, we could go at nighttime. So I'm sorry, Pallavi, but the red car got left behind. Okay. Because I think this also, Anvita, Pallavi, this is an old age thing. Because when I was younger, I think when we were all in Collins and the only place you had was your boyfriend's car. Today, my back hurts. I need more space. So okay, so I'm sorry. I don't know. I was like, how is it going to happen, more space? Yeah, so we moved out. We went to the logistics, which we were not supposed to go to. We went to the logistics, which we were not meant to go to. So I hope for everybody listening that this is a really good example for you to understand that we're going into logistics, but your body is with you 24 seven. So I guess we think about it. But I'll tell you another logistic that always stops this fantasy. I have this huge fantasy about it. And I always think, how much pain is the sand and the rocks on the beach going to cause me. And I'm lying down over there. So that is another logistic that it's okay, I'm going to make a conscious decision. I'm going to fantasize on this next time. And I'm not going to think about the fact that the sand and the grits can be painful. Okay. Move on to the next fantasy. I mean, yeah. And you know, the good thing with the fantasies, the mental arousal leads to the physical response. Like you already started feeling in your body that arousal. I think that's also people should notice that it's a full body experience. You know, fantasy is not just there in your mind, your body just starts, it's a system. So I would say some people actually have heard some people can fantasize themselves to the extent of orgasm. Oh yeah. I always fantasize myself to the extent of orgasm. I think that's the natural conclusion to all fantasies. But I was just saying that, you know, automatically when you start fantasizing, it starts to put a smile on your face. There's just that it lights you up from the inside. And very few things in life light you up from the inside. So this is a, this is a happy pill. And what I also wanted to add was that in some ways, just to, you know, release the pressure of what a fantasy has to be. I feel Seema and I went to something very cliche when I think about the beach, the water and all, it's such a cliche fantasy, right? But that's okay. It doesn't need to be this, Oh, I'm going to make the best fantasy ever. You know, it is, it is so personal to you. And everybody sometimes actually manages one fantasy that they know will always work. So they'll try different things. But everybody has that, you know, one pet fantasy, which could be so passé. And you would think, is that really a fantasy like that? But it works. If it works for you, it's your fantasy. So don't worry about like, how amazing it is, how logistics work, how it is, it's your relationship with the fantasy. And what it does to you, like Pallavi was saying, emotionally, physically, mentally. So just go for it. Do you have another script for us? Yes, yes. And this is completely opposite because the first one, I understand, you know, it's something we have always imagined beaches and cars, red cars and romance. This is something which is very different from the first kind of fantasy. So this fantasy is with a mission, it has a mission. You are the chief investigator of, you know, your moment FBI, I mean, whatever they call a C, okay, let's call it FBI. So you're the chief investigator, and you are interested with a very important mission, that you need to go out to the neighboring country, you need to seduce the leader of the foreign country and get that confidential file. So how are you going to seduce that leader? So this is interesting. And just I'm just going to put it across to the viewers because I'm sure they'll have a reaction. I think I had a reaction of me seducing someone was problematic for me. For me, it is a problematic relationship. And I suddenly was like, oh, that that is interesting. I didn't but and I didn't know this about myself. I'm just figured it out as Pallavi was speaking about it. And yeah, I think that's just, you know, not something that excites me in some ways or something or I didn't know or or I'm just uncomfortable with it. And I need to get over it. Like it could be either one, but I just figured it out right now that so maybe for the exploration sake, though, I'm going to go with it. I'm going to go and maybe it's something that I need to overcome. So if I had to seduce someone, I would be in the sorry with the sexy blouse for sure. And then that would be my seduction attire for sure. But it's like Pallavi said, you know, it's not your personal fact. It's like you've been entrusted with a mission on with your country's security is at stake. I get it. I'm working on it. But the point is if I have to seduce someone, I don't think it's my body that I seduce with. I think I seduce with flirtation. So for me, that's the thing. It's not my body. It's my flirtation and it's my mind and it's the conversation. So I feel like that's where I would go. So clothes are important. But I think they've been irrelevant to me always. So they're not my tools of seduction. And so I think that's what's going to be different for different people. Like I can imagine the seduction, but the seduction is flirting. It's the conversation. It's the attraction. It's getting the person attracted to me. But for me, what's sexy about me is my mind. It's not my body. Everybody has their own ways to engage sexually. For me, it's the mind. We spoke about, we did that video, right? About the intellectual. For somebody else, it might be the body. And I don't think that there is judgment on either or for somebody else, it might be emotional. So what I'm just saying is that for me, if I had to make this successful, and this was my fantasy, it would be maybe something sexy that I wear. But I think my scenes in the heads would be the smiles, the flirting, the conversation, the, you know, like what's happening, interacting, and then how it leads to maybe sex later with the thing. But that's where my fantasy would go to. So hopefully everybody listening in can actually build on this one. Again, we're going into the logistics. I'm sorry, Pallavi. It's a natural instinct. We overthink. So for everybody listening in, maybe that's one of the lessons you should take away is don't do what we are doing. Go straight into the fantasy. Just imagine, let your imagination run riot. Okay, I think one more. So to have, so we are saying, okay, imagine that you are a newly crowned king or queen, okay, and of your state. And there are people, lots and ladies, from whom you have to choose a meet. And there is a row of like potential lovers, and you need to take one, you need to pick one. And then you need to lead them to the Royal Chamber. Okay. So if you find the person and you take them to the Royal Chamber, what would be your first command? Yeah, see, father doesn't work with me. But anyway, my first fantasy was, my first fantasy was it would be a woman. I would choose a woman in my fantasy, not a man. So that was my, you know, so once again, and I would identify as an ally and a heterosexual. But I think I would fantasize being with a woman, like I'm having my co queen or whatever to be a woman. And that would be my fantasy. So in my fantasy, I would take a woman with me. Okay, interesting. So we have been very brave and actually saying our fantasy is out loud. You don't have to do that. You can keep it totally to yourself. But as you can see, in your fantasy, in your imagination, anything is possible. And there is no judgment, because you're the only person who can judge you. So go for it. This is just your tool to pleasure. Nobody's asking you to step outside of your life that you've created. This is just your internal tool of pleasure. So is there some kind of erotic fiction that you could recommend? I mean, like, is there something that people can go to, to start developing this idea in their heads? Yeah, totally. So, you know, I would say Khajuraho is a great place to begin with, if you are in India. I remember this quote, a photo, he said that, you know, if you are addicted by sex, you need to go and meditate in Khajuraho to overcome those compulsive sexual tendencies. And I was very kind of fascinated by this. So I went there. I started observing the, you know, the sculptures and the mudras, like how they're holding each other, the sensuality, the pause. I mean, it felt like that moment was freezed in time, you know, and it's been there. And to also because, because we get so intimidated by the whole culture, that the culture is the gatekeeper of sexuality, I think that's the great way to break that mindlock, because, you know, it's right there in the heritage. It's right there in India. These, these, you know, sculptures, these mooties, erotic sculptures, they are a part of our own heritage. The second is, I would say, pick up some great fiction around, I think, I just love Seema. I'm sorry. This is not a paid promotion guide. I just love the book, The Art of Seduction. There is a book. It has a foreword by Grish Karnat. So the book is called Drama Queen. It's an excellent book on courtesans there, because I feel, if we are starting out, if we are taking baby steps towards fantasies, I would not like to intimidate you with something which is very sexually explicit. I would like to go subtle and be comfortable in that zone, that okay, there are people who I relate to. So I think the Drama Queen is one of the books, The Art of Seduction is the book. Kajarahu is a great place to visit. When I was pregnant, Amrita, when I was pregnant with my third child, I was given, so you know how your hormones go up, so you need something. And a bunch of friends had got me some female-centric erotic fiction to read. And, you know, just to sort of get that, get past that urge, because I was going through a little bit of difficult times, so couldn't actually do anything physically at that point. So I think that there's a lot of erotic fiction out there, but I have to say that out of the ones that they got me, some of them, like you just said, I think that they actually bothered me. A couple of them was very much about domination. So there's this prince who has these women who he brings for his harem. And yeah, by the end of it, it would make me feel a little bit queasy. I would reread them because those are the only books I had at that point, and I needed that little fix. But yeah, that did nothing for me. So yeah, maybe I think it's a good idea to look for something that suits you. Amrita, sorry I interrupted you. You were going to say something. No, no, I was exactly going to make the same point that you did, but that if your tastes become different and you want to read erotica, there is a lot of written erotica there that can be more sexually honed in. And like Seema just mentioned, that they can be problematic because initially erotica was written for men, by men kind of deal. But now there is a lot of like ethical erotica which is meant for women written by women, which is not 50 shades of gray. That is not like part of that genre. But if that suits you, please go read 50 shades of gray. But I'm just saying that there is erotica there which would come under the ethical porn umbrella. And we actually advise reading the erotic fiction as opposed to watching pornography. We prefer that because we feel that we're talking about fantasy, we're talking about imagination. It's a wonderful, it's a slower build up, so it gives you longer term pleasure. But I also think you can replace yourself if you're reading something. You know, you could be the character, you could imagine the room, you could, the room setting could be you versus if you're watching something visually, then they've already given you the room, the characters, the people, the thing, like everything. So I totally agree with you, Seema. The fact about reading and actually fantasizing really brings in your flavor and what you want. So Pallavi, can we actually address one question? A lot of people fantasize, a lot of people would like to, they kind of, you know, dip their toe into it, gone a little bit further and then the guilt that comes with it because they feel that they shouldn't have. One person actually said to me at the end of a talk that I'd done and I'd said to them that look, you know, don't step out of a relationship. Every relationship loses its novelty factor and that's when fantasizing comes in and he was like, I think it's really, really wrong to be with your partner but be fantasizing about somebody else. I think it's ethically wrong. What do you have to say about that? So yeah, I mean, this is a very hotly contested controversy, the ethics of fantasizing. As you said that a lot of people, even the ones who are fantasizing, feel that they are bittersweet and they come to me like, you know, some kind of seeking validation that am I doing wrong or not. I would say it can go either way, you know, depending on the situation and your relationship. If you're fantasizing in order to endure sex with your partner, you probably shouldn't be having sex with them in the first place. Okay. But if you're fantasizing to simply amp up your arousal, but you are still very much into the sex you are having with the person, I don't see much harm because of this. What I follow is a guideline that is your mental imagery improving the sex or it is distracting you from something unpleasant and you would rather not face. I think that's the key to fantasizing that are you trying fantasizing to heighten the sensation or to numb your reality? That's a really good point actually. It's a very good point to make. Are you fantasizing to heighten your sensations or to numb your reality? I mean, in my book, I think frankly, if that's what you need to do, you can't escape your reality, then that's also okay. But that's a really, really good point actually. Anvita? Yeah. I love the quote, you know, heighten. And I think that becomes because it's so in some ways numbing your reality is escapism. That's what Pallavi is talking about, that you're escaping the present in some ways. And that's why you have to fantasize about somebody else. And that is very different from, you know, just working on your passion and arousal and getting excited in some ways. And I also want to add to it that, you know, what Pallavi is talking about the ethics and the morality. So there is something about the other and who is in your fantasy. But I think that also people start judging themselves for what they are doing in their fantasy. And I think both, you know, are problematic. Like, so who you're with, you know, Pallavi answered. And I wonder if Pallavi also wants to speak to what you're doing in your fantasy. And that can be sometimes concerning for people as well. You know, for example, you know, like people will suddenly go, oh, you know, that's such a bad thing to do. You know, I can't. And I'm keeping it really simple, because I think anal sex is quite common. But you know, there could be so many other fantasies that people could have problems with. Yeah, we recently also received a few emails from people who are indulging in their fantasies, but are then being attacked by either so much guilt or for whatever reason, it's actually ending up in a worse sexual experience than they first started with, because somewhere that fantasy has gone wrong. And I think it's worth exploring in your head. Why that's stopping you. For some reason, I think we judge ourselves the most harshly. This is the one time I keep saying to people, you don't have to say it out loud. It's inside your head. Keep it there. Use it as a tool for helping. It's like you're breathing, you know, you're using that as a tool for keeping yourself alive. In the same way, let that fantasy inside you be a tool for keeping yourself well, sexually healthy. I think that we should come to that point where we don't judge ourselves for our own private fantasies, but we do. I don't know if there's one piece of advice that either of you can give the audiences towards saying, this is the way forward without feeling guilty. So fantasies and freedom, they go hand in hand. Because in my real life, I'm so much constrained by the social limits, like, you know, right now I'm sitting in this conference room and I'm here, but right there in my imagination, in that kind of script, I was actually in my leather boots and leather pants and ready to kind of seduce the person. I think it's a great way to come out of those social constraints and experience something different. It's like a wilderness, you know, fantasy is like a wilderness. And we don't get to experience that in the real life because of the social norms. And because, which is again, we are in a civilized society, but I think it's definitely you need to go out there and experience that wilderness, that uncurtured freedom. I think that's what I would say. Nice. I like that. That's your path to freedom. Yeah, I was going to say something similar. So I will share a story as the advice. So my first day of my psychosexual course, one of the exercises they ask you to do is to do sexual mapping and you have to talk about your own sexuality. And one of the questions is, write down your fantasies, write down your three fantasies. So I wrote them and in my head, I was like, just please don't ask me to discuss them. Like, I hope they don't ask me to talk to other people about my fantasies, because I was so like, how can I share my fantasies to then to now me speaking on a podcast about my fantasy, that's whatever. And then, you know, lo and behold, that's what we did. We did small groups and we had to share our fantasies. And I was just like, shit, I can't believe. And I was embarrassed to death trying to share my fantasy. And then one of the students shared her fantasy. And for me, it was just like, oh, my God, I can't believe that's her fantasy. Like it was too much for me. But the fact that she could own it and share it was so liberating for me. And mine seemed like so like every day in comparison to hers. And they really shared very edgy fantasies, which would really, you know, you would question they could cause controversies and they could cause, you know, basically moral arguments around and everything. But they really owned it. And it was their fantasy. And as Pallavi said, that's what increased their sensation and arousal. And it wasn't about, is it right or wrong? It was about what excites them and what they want in it. And for me, it was similar to what thing it was liberating to see that if somebody can own that, why can't I own my own? And why can't I push myself in some ways? And like today, I pushed myself to something that felt uncomfortable to me. So yeah, so I think that's what it is. Keep it's okay to push ourselves a little bit to just nudge ourselves a little bit further. It's in our head and it's a fantasy. It's not in reality. Well done. And with that to begin with, out on the back, my darling. No, it is something that we all have to get past. We've all had to walk that path of getting past our own personal obstacles. I think that there is always this thing about there's a lot of stories from mythology from our cultural background, where they say that also and so, you know, she was so pure and she could, she was so pure that she could carry water in an unbaked, in an unbaked part. And then one day she merely looks at someone on the side of the river and she thinks, oh, he's very good looking. And just thinking that she loses her purity and the pot breaks and she can no, she no longer has that power. So this idea has been fed to us that the even thinking about something is bad, that the mind is a very powerful thing that if you think about it, you want to then put it into action. But like basically women for the longest time have even been, we've been told that sexual pleasure is forbidden to you even inside the mind. So we do have a lot of taboos, a lot of obstacles to break through to get to the next point. So we all totally understand that fantasizing is not an easy thing to do. And some of our fantasies are so kinky. And it's not just in India. It was Jung's book, wasn't it the red book that was forbidden, which talks about all the aberrations and fantasies in the brain. And for a long time that was forbidden in the West. So we have a lot of obstacles to cross just to encounter and meet our own fantasies. But we encourage you to do that. We know that it's not a comfortable thing to do. But as we said, there are benefits and happiness at the end of it. And it's just inside your own head. So stick to it. So I have some really interesting notes that I've actually made from what Balavi said. And I really would like to repeat them because I want everybody to take this away. One is that this is about mental privacy. It is about your privacy. You do it in the privacy of your mind. You don't have to share it with anybody. So don't feel guilty about it. But also the fact that you create mental privacy, as Balavi said. So don't kind of do this in the midst of trying to do something else. If you've ever tried it, you'll know it doesn't work. If you ever think, oh my god, okay, I have like one minute. Let me squeeze one out. You can't. It has a take up. So give yourself the mental privacy to have a fantasy. Even if you allocate yourself 10 minutes, enjoy it. Don't do it in a rush. It's about choice. So it's about anything that you can think about. It's your choice. It doesn't have to be anybody else's fantasy. You don't have to take lessons in this. It's totally yours. Nobody else. And let no one ever tell you that you have to fantasize along with somebody else's ideas. It's all yours. As Balavi said, it brings novelty to your relationship. So you want to understand how to stay in a monogamous relationship where you feel that the passion has died out, the chemistry has gone. Fantasy is your go-to tool. Use that. It's all about using your imagination. Let your imagination go absolutely wild because this is where we say, and we weren't able to do this, but don't go into the logistics. Don't start saying, ah, but my back won't be able to handle this. Don't go into logistics. Very important. Try and stay away from that. One of the arguments for fantasizing is this is your sense of freedom. In a society, in a world where we're very constrained and we live within all these barriers, this is where you are totally free. You are the king of your kingdom. You are the queen of your kingdom. And you can have another queen just like Anrita. Anrita's fantasy letter. And finally, that consider whether, and we're not saying that you have to stop fantasizing, but consider whether you're using your fantasy to heighten your sensations or to numb your reality, which is something that I really like the idea of. I really like that quote. Thank you for that, Balavi. That would stay with me for always. It's a lot to take away, but that pretty much sums up what I really think that if there's nothing else you take away from this. And of course, the scripts that Balavi gave, but please do take these points away. I agree. I think it's a lot of food for thought and there was a lot of, you know, breaking down and everything. So I think people will take some time digesting this video and looking at different aspects of fantasy. One final word from you, Balavi, before I wrap up. I would say unleash your imagination. Don't go by the shirts. Rather keep it open. Keep it undefined. Sounds like a very good piece of advice. So if you enjoyed the video, do please comment, like, subscribe. I am on info.seema.anand at gmail.com. Send in your questions if you need to get in touch with me. Anvita is on anvita.medanbehel at gmail.com for any consultation. And Balavi is on coach Balavi Bhandwal on Instagram. Brilliant. So and all this will, of course, be in the in the description. So you don't have to worry if you didn't actually get that. And in the meantime, stay well, stay healthy, stay safe, and fantasize and enjoy yourself. Take care. We'll see you soon. And I was going to say, and I was just going to say, maybe even build a fantasy with your partner like that. I was just thinking we could have built a fantasy between the three of us. And that would have gone beyond our imagination, and that like Balavi was saying, unleash your imagination. So fantasize with your partners or with others to unleash that imagination. Great. So you have a slightly wider slate now, but either be inside your head or with somebody else. So yes, take care and we will see you here next week.