 Family Theater presents Natalie Wood, Wallace Ford, and William Campbell. From Hollywood, the Mutual Network in Cooperation with Family Theater presents the End of Dirty Eddie starring Wallace Ford and William Campbell, and now here is your hostess, Natalie Wood. Thank you, Tony LaFranco. Family Theater's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families, and peace for the world. Family Theater urges you to pray. Pray together as a family. And now to our transcribed drama, The End of Dirty Eddie, starring Wallace Ford as Mayor Phil Strip and William Campbell as Dr. Howard Jones. Howdy, Josh. Mayor. Tase, come in here. Yup. Not new for another hour. Another hour. I guess I'll just have to wait. Got anything cool to drink? Right there in a jug. Water. Good enough. Best thing in the world for a hot day. Oh, here's a cup. Yes. Hot enough, all right. Yes, and quiet. Nobody shot anybody yet, and it must be almost noon. Josh, you're exaggerating. But you're right. It sure is a lot quieter around here since Doc settled everything. Safe for a man to let his women folk go out on the street again. That's for sure. We owe a lot to Doc. This here is a letter to his wife, and this package is his guns. His wife? That's why I'm waiting for the stage. Oh, I guess you can sell me some postage, Josh. And that's for Doc's wife? The postage is on me. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Josh, you hadn't know all that. No, no, no, no, no, on me. Least I can do. Yeah, there you are. That ought to be enough. Least I can do. Good man, Josh. That letter. Did he write it before? Oh, no, no, no, no. I wrote it. Somebody. Somebody had to. Mayor. Yeah? Stage. It won't be in for another hour, and I'd sure like to... I mean, I don't want to seem nosy, but I'd sure like to hear what you wrote to Doc's wife. You would, huh? Of course, I know most everything's in it, most likely, but... Well, you got a nice touch with words, and I'd like to hear it. You got some glue so I could paste it back up. Well, right here. And I can't see any harm in it. To Mrs. Howard. Wait a minute. You're going to read it, or am I? Oh, no offense. Mrs. Howard Jones, such-and-such St. Louis, Missouri. Always put the address on the inside, too, Joshua, in letters of this type. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Get on with it. Mrs. Howard Jones, it is with a sincerest regret that it must be yours truly. Hey, that goes at the end of a letter, not the beginning. Want to hear it? Sure, of course I want to hear it. All right. That it must be yours truly who takes this pen, his pen in hand, to pen this letter. But as long as someone must, it is best that I, a trusted friend and confidant, of your poor husband, write it. When do you get to the letter? In order to tell you what has befallen your poor husband, and to comply with his request, I will tell you the whole story, just as I remember it. It honest and straightforward. Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday. One morning a week ago. What do you mean yesterday? Joshua, you go ahead. All right, all right, all right, I'm sorry. Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday. This town was mean and full of shooting and the like. And all because of one man, a man we call Dirty Eddie, who was the hardcore of lawlessness here in Shotgun. He made the town a safe refuge for bandits and wrestlers and thieves, which he was the meanest. And it was common knowledge he made his living, stealing horses, cattle, and robbing widows and orphans. Yes, Shotgun was a mean town till your poor husband changed it for the better. I saw him standing there in front of the Wells Fargo office right after the stage it pulled out. Seeing he was a stranger and that there was no one to welcome him, I walked over. You seem to be wearing the look of a man who thinks maybe he'd get off the stage at the wrong place. I'm not quite certain I didn't. Well, how's that? Well, I saw the driver throw my bags off and I figured I'd better follow him. My ticket reads Shotgun, Arizona. And you're in the right place, all right. My name's Phil Strip. I'm the mayor here about. Mayor? I'm pleased to meet you. My name is Howard Jones. Well, Mr. Jones? It's not exactly Mr. Your Honor. It's Doctor. Oh, Saubone. No, a dentist. From the east, are you? St. Louis. There a place where I can rent a room? Mrs. Landis might be able to put you up. She's got that combination of saloon and room and house over there. Real handy if you're the kind of man who gets thirsty at odd hours. No, not me. That's good. Here, here, let me help you with those bags. Oh, thank you, Your Honor. Oh, no need to be formal. I guess those professional men can use first names. What brings you to our fair city, Howard? Asthma. That's a long misery here. That's right. I asked the ticket agent for the driest town he knew of. Did he give you a ticket to Shotgun? Well, that's funny. Well, it's the first time I ever heard of anyone coming here for his help. Oh, the air is dry enough. But a body can dive other things than your, uh... What do you call it, Asthma? You mean that, the shooting? The man that's doing it is likely to be one of your best customers. He's got more aching teeth than even he deserves, which is considerable. But if dirty it, he takes in his mind to ventilate you. He does it. He's the worst thing that ever happened to this town. Oh, speak of the devil. Come on. Let's go this way. But the Roman house is this way. Never mind. That's Ed. Come on. Hey, dancer. Too late. Look like you was trying to pass me by without so much as a hello. Hello, Ed. Why don't you come up here and introduce your new friend? Come on, Doc. Right with you. Ed, uh, this here is Doc Jones. He's from St. Louis. You're a city cousin, is he, dancer? The mayor and I aren't related. Well, stranger, you can count yourself as pretty lucky. Ain't that right, dancer? Well, uh... Well, ain't it? It is it. You're right about that. Of course, you see, stranger, the dancer here isn't what he's supposed to be. What do you mean? Well, he's supposed to be the mayor. He's supposed to run, shotgun, but he don't. Of course, I run it. Right, dancer? I guess that's about right, Eddie. You guess that's about right. Sounds like you need another dancing lesson, dancer. Oh, Eddie, why don't you put that gun away? Eddie! Over here, Ima. Come on, back inside. I'm just going to give the mayor another lesson. Not again. Now, you stay out of this. Uh, thanks anyway, Irma. You see, Dr. Jones is this way. I play a little tune here on the six gun. If the mayor don't dance to the tune I play, he's out a pair of boots. Whatever happens to be in him. Yeah, and I guess he'd be needing you, huh, Doc? Dance, mayor! Careful, Eddie, careful! Eddie! I guess I'll do it. Hey, Eddie. Eddie, uh, that's a beautiful gun you got there. We don't see many of those in St. Louis. I don't suppose I could take a look at it, huh? Why not? Me and this old sick shooter might be throwing a little business your way. If dance to here slows down. Eh, you don't mind me taking the bullets out. Oh, no, not at all. Oh, by the way, I'm a dentist, not a doctor of medicine. A dentist? Irma looks like this is my lucky day. I've been needing a dentist bad. The gun, Eddie? Oh, oh, sure. Here you are, Doc. Oh, I thought it'd be much heavier. Here, mayor, let me get the heft of yours. It's loaded, isn't it? Well, yeah, but, uh... Yep, his honors is heavier. His honor? Yeah! Hey, Doc. What's where you're pointing this thing? I know where I'm pointing it. I don't like bullies. Ha! How do you like that? You're as good as dead, Eddie. I thought you said you never handled a gun. I didn't say that. What I said was, we don't see many in St. Louis. I saw plenty of them at Shiloh. Enough to know how to use them. Eh, you, uh... You're figuring on using the mayor's gun on me? Not unless I have to. I saw you threaten the life of the mayor. Your honor, better go get your peace officer. Peace officer? That's a laugh. Yeah, why don't you go get the sheriff or the marshal to answer? Well, we haven't got one, Doc. You haven't got one? If it were up to me, you saw it, Doc. Eddie runs the town. I don't. It'd be worth more than my life to send away for a marshal or hire a peace officer. Yeah, well, it looks like you'll have to shoot me, Doc. Believe me, Doc. There's no other way. Hi, Ed. Well, it was different than it was at Shiloh. Hey, Doc. It was harder to shoot a man in cold blood who takes a little more stomach than you got. Almost. Hey, what are you doing? Just pulling back the hammer. Watch it, son. That thing's got a hair trigger. He's gonna shoot. He wouldn't dare. I'm gonna miss you, Eddie. I don't think I will. Not at this range, anyway. That's kind of funny. Look. Now, look. Wait a minute. Don't shoot, Doc. Can you think of any reason why I shouldn't? You've had all the dancing lessons you want, haven't you, Mayor? Wait a minute, son. He's mean, and maybe the world would be a whole lot better off without him, but it just ain't your business to be judge and executioner. You'd never be able to look yourself in the face again. He's right about one thing. It's not the same as in war. Yeah. Guess you were right, Ed. This is your lucky day. You can go now. Doc, I think you're making a big mistake. He'll be gunning for you now. You were right about that, weren't you? Get going before I change my mind. Yeah. Coming in, ma'am? No thanks. See you later. You better keep that gun in your hand, Doc, because you're gonna need it. You should have shot him. I never intended to shoot him. City boy, there's an unwritten law in these parts. You never point a gun at anybody unless you intend to use it. Here, you take it, Mayor. You'd better hold on to it. Well, it won't do any good sitting around here. Let's go over to my office. How about getting out of town? I mean, Dirty Eddie couldn't fall you to any town that's got a decent sheriff's hoodie. He'd get hung on the spot. I don't like the idea of running. Wouldn't do any good, anyhow. But, Doc, if you don't, you... But Ed just said one of his boys. Yeah, I guess that's right. I had such big plans, too. Build up a practice, maybe get a little house and then send for my wife. Your wife? He's gonna have a widow. Sad. So sad. I could have done it, too. I'm really a pretty good dentist. I was doing fine in St. Louis. And why'd you come to this hole? Asthma. Huh? Wheezy lungs. I meant to help. Looks like I bought everybody trouble. Well, don't think I don't appreciate the thought behind it, but next time maybe you'll know better than to go pulling mountain lions by the tail. Next time maybe you'll just be a dentist and leave the gun slinging to the gun slingers. A dentist? Hey, that's right. It's funny, you know. What's funny? If there's anybody in town who really needs a dentist, it's dirty eddy. You've got a funny idea of funny. Well, I was only thinking that... that it's kind of a shame he hasn't got a toothache. Just... Well, what's the matter? You got your tools with you, Doc. I mean, could you pull a tooth and like that? Sure, but... Mayor, could the doc use your office to work in? Of course he could. What are you thinking? I'm thinking I got a way to keep the doc alive. Now, wait a minute. Well, weren't you on his side? Doc, I sing in a saloon. Dirty eddy lives in one. That's all we got in common. I talk to him and I help him spend his money and rounds for the boys because that's my job. But as for me being his friend, he's nobody's friend. I'm warning you. Now, quit talking about teeth. You know what happens when something's wrong with you and you keep thinking about it. But eddy, I was only... Yeah, I know, I know. You want me to see that there dentist. I'll see him all right and when I see... Oh, eddy, your glass is empty. I'll get you another. You just wait a minute. Don't give me any more about taking it easy on him. If you can't talk about something else, just don't talk about it. All right! If that's the way you want it, eddy. That's the way I want it. Jimmy. Another one for eddy, Irma. No, wait a minute. Jimmy, I want you to fill this glass with some of that syrup. Maple syrup? Mm-hmm. You mean like we serve on a flapjack in the morning? That's right. What's it for? A joke? That's right. On who? Eddy. Eddy. Dirty eddy? Oh, hey, you're trying to get me shot. You know what'll happen when all that sugar hits those teeth of his? Why don't you go right through the ceiling? If he asks, I'll say it was my fault. Come on, Jimmy. Oh, Irma. For me? I hope you know what you're doing. Give me the glass. Hey, Irma, what's keeping you? Hurry, Jimmy. All right. There you are. I hope you know what you're doing. I do. Thanks. There you are, Eddie. About time. And I promise you, Eddie, I'll never say another word about you going to see that dentist. I'll drink to that. Here goes nothing. A little wider. Wider. A little sensitive, is it? A little sensitive. What do you think? Think you're being smart, do you? I thought we'd found one we could save. One? That's the worst collection of teeth I ever saw. Oh, now wait a minute. You're going to have to get somebody to pull them. Well, you can go now. Hold on. What do you mean go? Why don't you pull them? You're a dentist. With you holding a gun in your lap? No deal. You're tough. Maybe you can get some friends of yours if you've got any friends to pry them out with a rusty nail. What do you want me to do? Give me the gun. Here, take it. But I want it back. Any other one you took? There was $30 each. I'll just put it in the store for safe keeping. Now, how do you want me to do it? It's pretty hard on you having teeth pulled, you know. Might not believe this dirty, Eddie, but... You take it easy on that dirty. Well, I know lumberjacks who are afraid to have more than one tooth pulled at a time. Oh, well then, maybe I... But a couple of weeks before I left St. Louis, a little old lady, must have been 90 years old, came to me. Had them all out at the same time, said hardly heard at all. Now, how do you want it? Well, still I should be... Funny sometimes how women can stand pain better than some men. Now, how'd you say you want it? All at one time. All right. Now, open your mouth. You have to put this retainer in it to keep your mouth open. Hope you don't mind. Wider. That's fine. I guess we'll take that one first. That one. Funny, though, about that little old lady. I think she'd wait another two weeks. Those teeth would have fallen out. See if you can open a little wider, huh? I swear, that's the way they say it happened. Eddie, I mean, this sidewinder, he stops the stage wearing a mask and all, and he said to the driver, throw down the wealth Fargo box and make it snappier all through. Yes, he'd just like that. Like he had him out full of bars. And said he was driving. He got laughing so hard he couldn't even lift the box. He got his self-wing for it, and his horses bolted. But, oh, he was still laughing when he drove up to the office. And dirty Eddie. Oh, pardon me. I mean, the bandit, whoever he was, he didn't get a thing. I really shouldn't be saying this. I mean, the poor mangy old thing can't help it. But I had a hard enough time keeping a straight face when he asked me to sing Sweet Sally from Wyoming. Then, then when he stood up after the number, right there next to the stage and tried to whistle, I couldn't control it. None of the girls could. We roared. If some of the boys hadn't grabbed him, he'd shot us all. He was a fury. Oh, God, sir. You've got him in store teeth, doc. I haven't laughed so hard since the last medicine show was in town with those two minstrels. Did you hear the latest? Thought Josh might have told you. He went into Hickins' general store and waited around for it to empty out. But after about a half an hour, it still hadn't emptied so. Bold as can be, he asked for Hickins to run him a couple of plugs of tobacco through the sausage grinder. Speak of the devil. All right, doc. This is a showdown. Put away the gun, Eddie. The doc and I got a squatter settle, haven't we, doc? I don't know, Ed, have we? Well, you ruined me in this town, doc. That laughing the heads off and you know it. I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't do it on purpose. You got any complaints about the work I did on you? You think I pulled any teeth that didn't need it? Well, no, I don't think you'd do that. Then did I do you a good turn or didn't I? Well, as far as the teeth are concerned, I guess you did, doc. Then what's all the rumours about? You're going to shoot the doc just to prove you're a man again? I told him a long time ago to look out for me. Doc, you should have shot me when you had the chance. You made a mistake. I won't let it happen again. Well, it sure strikes me just about the height of ingratitude. You standing there grinning through the teeth the doc made for you telling him you're going to kill him. Ed, that gun you're holding on me kind of looks like the first one I took away from you. No, it's different. Now, you keep your distance, doc. I said I want you to keep your distance. Sure, I'll keep my distance. Doc, you did it again. We're going to catch it. They got away. Sure did, doc. Yep. You'll figure you're a densest three. It'll keep you busy full-time here in the shotgun. Nope. That's what I figured. Doc, this here town needs a sheriff. Want the job? Sheriff? Well, yeah, I do. You got it. Aren't you going to swear me in? Oh, yeah, yeah, I guess so. Raise your right hand. Oh. Sir, what'd you do there? I think I broke a bone in it when I hit Eddie. Think you can fix it? I think so. Well then, raise your left hand. Now, do you swear? Swear what? Oh, you know. Uphold the law and all that. Oh, sure I do, I do. All right then, Sheriff. After you fix that hand, go apprehend that man. And here's a clue. I picked up off the floor. Clue? In two pieces. And so, Mrs. Jones, this letter is to inform you that your poor husband has broken his hand. And since he is still trying to apprehend dirty Eddie, we don't know whether it is any better or not. The members of the city council have voted. The sheriff, a house, and I expected he'd be happy to find you in it when he gets back. By the way, his asthma is fine. It's good that you included that. In the package I am sending with this letter, you will find three Colt 45 revolvers which were confiscated by your husband in the line of duty. The sale of them should more than pay for your passage. We are all looking forward to meeting you. Yours truly, A.J. Philstip, Mayor of Shotgun. This is Natalie Wood again. You've probably heard the quotation by Charles Dickens. In love of home, the love of country had its birth. It's very true, and it's true, too, that no nation can really be stronger than the homes which make it up. It's for this reason primarily that many cities in the United States have marriage counseling services or other city-sponsored family relations clinics. The federal and city governments both realize that happy, peaceful communities cannot be made up of anything but happy, peaceful homes. In Los Angeles, for example, couples applying for marriage licenses are handed a little 11-page booklet prepared by the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors. It's called Steps to Happiness in Your Marriage, and it's full of information a newly married couple would find very useful. Some friends of mine applied for a license the other day, knowing I was going to be on family theater. They thought I might like to pass on to you some of the information which would apply to both newlyweds and those who've been married a long time. There are two little paragraphs in the booklet I'd like to read to you. The first one, the right kind of teamwork keeps reaching out for more and more deeply shared experiences. It is a pity if a couple enjoying marriage shut themselves out from the intimacy of praying together. Every morning at the breakfast table, for example, they might bow their heads and thank the giver of life for their privileges, for their chance to understand each other, and for the opportunity God gives them to let truth, beauty, and goodness shine through their home into the world. The booklet ends with this paragraph. Successful marriages are those in which husband and wife plan together, work together, play together, sacrifice together, succeed together, raise their children together, and worship God together. This mutuality of interests must be physical, mental, moral, and spiritual. When people are happily married, they travel all roads together. That's what we mean when we say each week on Family Theater. The family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. Wood, Family Theater has brought you transcribed The End of Dirty Eddie starring Wallace Ford and William Campbell. Natalie Wood was your hostess. Others in our cast were John Larch, Jean Bates, and Ralph Moody. The script was written and directed for Family Theater by Robert Hewell Solomon with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program. By the mutual network which has responded to this need, and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly their time and talent to appear on our Family Theater stage. Welcome to them and to you, our humble thanks. This is Tony LaFranco expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you with us next week when Family Theater will present the fledgling starring Betty Lynn. Jack Bailey will be your host. Join us, won't you? Family Theater has broadcast throughout the world and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is Mutual, the radio network for all America.