 What's up fam? Raif Jarazi here and today I want to talk about imposter syndrome or feeling like you are a fraud. This is something that's been on my mind a lot lately, especially when it comes to my HIV advocacy work and and everything that goes around that. Recently in the beginning of May, I went to New York for the GLAAD Media Awards. The interview that I participated in for the Today Show, we did it in 2021, it was HIV AIDS 40 years later and it was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award. Specifically, Joe Fryer, our interviewer, was nominated and then GLAAD decided to also bestow the award on all four of us who were interviewed, all of us living with HIV. So an incredible, amazing honor to be given a GLAAD Media Award. I say this not to boast, but because in spite of that, in spite of this achievement, there's always this nagging voice in my head that asks, who are you? Who are you to be standing up there? Who are you to get an award? Who are you to talk about HIV? Who are you to represent a community? Who are you to speak to this community? And I'm just, you know, it's something I've mentioned before with my therapist and talked about a little bit, this sense, this feeling of not being innately worthy, not innately having or inherently having value and to feel like I need to prove myself by doing something, by accomplishing something, by succeeding. And you would think, oh, OK, Raif, that must really motivate you to do a lot and to accomplish a lot, to try to, you know, like prove this to yourself and to others. But I find that, yes, in some respects, it does. But in the larger macro bigger scope of things, it actually holds me back because when I do one of the two things that are like really in tune with what I'm passionate about, that might be outside of the box, that might be a little eccentric, you know, that takes a little courage, a little bravery. Oftentimes, I procrastinate. I hesitate. I question myself. I doubt it. I doubt the value or the worth of my work. So in the end, you know, the sum of all of that anxiety and self-doubt is that I'm accomplishing and doing so much less than I could be, that I want to be, that I'm excited to do. That's really frustrating. You know, last week with my agency, Naturally Fit Agency, we have a lot of influencers and content creators and just actors and talent that are also very much in tune with being socially aware and giving back and contributing to society in some kind of meaningful way. So we decided to put on a summit where for an hour and a half, I think it last ended up being like two and a half hours. I did some posting on Instagram. You might have seen that where I was inviting people to come. It was ticketed. I gave away some for free. And it was just a time for 10 of us to speak on our lives and our journey, specifically how we've come from being an underdog to now being on top when in reality, the journey never ends. Whenever on top, it's always a struggle. There's always a challenge. There's always a fight to be and do better. But it's I felt we felt it would be so enlightening and helpful to share with others, you know, what it really took to be in a deep, dark place, a place of struggle, a place of self-doubt and to get out of that and to really get to the next stage, next level, the next evolution of our lives. So it was insanely powerful and insanely impactful. I'm so glad we did it and I'm so looking forward to doing more of it. We donated half of the proceeds to the Boys and Girls Club. And but my point is by the time I got to the end of it, you know, I had this realization that. In people talking about self empowerment, that I've really, really, really been struggling for my entire life. I think it's something I learned as a kid, this imposter syndrome. I tend to be. I tend to lack a lot of self confidence. I tend to be overqualified and underconfident, you know what I mean? Whereas some people can walk into a room and they're overly confident and they can sell you on themselves and they might honestly not, you know, have the experience or the talent or the know-how as they purport to have, whereas I will walk into a room and I'll be like, let me just listen and and kind of like be quiet and observe because, yeah, I do know what I'm doing, but do I really? I'm sure there's someone else who knows more than me. I'm sure there's someone else who's more talented and more skilled. So before I step up and raise my voice and make a fool of myself, let me just wait until I feel totally secure and confident. And then I'll speak up and I've come to a point, right? Where I'm ready with everything that I'm doing with my HIV advocacy, my activism, with my passion, with my career. I've reached this inflection point. I can feel it like I'm on the cusp. I'm on the verge of greatness. And by greatness, I don't mean in the egotistical sense. I mean of like really being in tune and in flow with my life's purpose and my energy and like really being truly fulfilled. And there's this thing that's keeping me back and it keeps coming back to this. Who do you think you are, Raif? You're nobody. You're not anything. You're not worthy. You don't have value. Prove it. Why would you go out in public and and and take selfies and do videos of yourself talking about HIV? You know, I hear all the little voices of like judgment and criticism that other people might be thinking they might be thinking that they might not. It shouldn't matter. But it's something that I definitely learned. I think a lot of it had to do with my childhood, a lot of it had to do with the way that I was raised, you know, to be kind and polite, not stepping on anybody's toes and put, you know, like really think about others needs before myself. And I'm just I'm ready to to grow and learn and to move on. I'm ready to hit that next chapter. I want to hit my stride. I want I'm so badly. There's so much I have so much inside that I want to do and be. And I'm ready for that. And in order to get there. I have to believe in myself. And so I wanted to share that because that's something that, you know, honestly, that's something that I struggle with. And it's difficult. And that doesn't mean that I go around all day, like constantly, like questioning myself. You know, I have good, great moments where I feel good and motivated, inspired, but they're moments. And and I want more of them. I want my moments to be longer and stronger and more consistent. And I'm sure that most of you watching can relate to that. You don't have to have HIV. I want to be a content creator to have imposter syndrome. I think most people, to some degree, have a certain amount of imposter syndrome and it's holding you back from truly diving into your dreams and your passions and what it is that you are put on this earth to do. None of us has anything to prove. None of us has to show or do or say anything to justify our being here on this planet, living our life, doing what makes us happy. You are inherently worthy. You are inherently valuable just by being, just by existing. It's a miracle that we're alive. It's a miracle that we exist on this tiny little fleck in the enormous expanse of the universe. And to snuff out our flame because we doubting ourselves during this infinitesimally small, precious time that we have to exist is the greatest tragedy I can think of. And so I encourage you on this journey with me to really take some time to reflect think about those voices that you hear in your head. What are they saying? What are they trying to talk you out of or steer you away from being and doing? Are they true? Are they right? Is right an absolute? Is it right maybe now, but tomorrow it could be wrong? What's important to you and what's holding you back? And even if people think and say those negative things, does that matter in the end? Anyway, I just wanted to share that. That's a struggle I have. And it's something I'm going to be working on and I'll share it with you because that is the goal of my, what I'm doing on social media. It's not to show you perfection. It's not to show you triumph and success only. It's to show you the struggle and how hard it is. But I have this like gut instinct, this feeling, you know, that I am doing a lot. I am accomplishing a lot, but I'm capable of so much more. And the idea of that excites me. And so it's time. Let's get after it. Let's do it. Like this video if you liked it. Subscribe if you haven't already. Hit that bell so you get notified when I post a new video. And boy, do I have some more videos coming for you this year. Let me tell you, there is so much. There is so, so much happening that I can't wait to share on so many levels and so many different ways. So stick around, motherfucker, because we're going for a ride. Peace.