 Hello, my beautiful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Welcome to a video that I don't wanna be filming, if I'm entirely honest. I mean, I like filming, I like sharing stories with you, but I'd much rather be telling a different one today. I have honestly kind of been avoiding making this video because I was hoping that the problem would disappear and go away and I would talk about it in past tense rather than this is happening right now. Because it's so similar to other videos I've made in the past year where I'm like, hey, actually things are getting worse. And on the one hand, it's fine. And on the other hand, it's really not fine and I'm super frustrated and scared and confused. So let's chat about what's going on with my leg and what's going to happen with it. So a few weeks ago, I started having issues with my leg again, with my residual limb, stump, nubbin, whatever word you prefer. It started really hurting in a very familiar way. Ignore my super dirty floors. Here we have sunshine, my prosthetic leg. Things have been going really well with her for a couple of months now. I was getting ready to train for A5K, which I released the video about. It is linked up here and down below. I went to a Ninja Warrior gym and did a lot of cool things and nothing happened. I didn't fall, I didn't use it too much to the point of it like leaving red marks or bruises or anything like that. Like nothing happened, but things just started to slowly go downhill. So I took time off. I stayed off of it for the most part. I maybe put my prosthetic leg on for an hour or two a day, but I was like, I'm really gonna give it a break, give it the space that it needs to heal or whatever. But the problem is that that actually started making it worse or just started getting worse. And even when I was just wearing my liner, it would really hurt. So let me show you what's been going on. So this is my liner. This is what I wear during the day so that my prosthetic leg can actually stick to my leg. And also if I'm not wearing my prosthesis, it's good to use high puppies. It's good to use so that my leg stays in the right shape and swelling is down on all of that. I just noticed that in the viewfinder, you can clearly see the fact that my Christmas tree is still up. You're mistaken though, it's not a Christmas tree. It's a Valentine's Day tree. If I put a heart on it somewhere, it can count, right? We are taking it down tonight. I promise you, yes, it is February and my Christmas tree is still up. I don't know if you've heard that new song by Taylor Swift where she's like, we can keep the Christmas lights up till January. And I'm like, just till January, I have her so beat. So I noticed that the pain in my leg was very specific. It is right here. Like I can pinpoint a spot where it's coming from. I get this really weird, almost slicing pain. It's really sharp. It's like a crazy, crazy cramp mixed with someone cutting into you, mixed with burning, which makes me think nerve pain, but it's also only with specific position that my leg is in, like it's not constant. And what it feels like is exactly how my leg felt before I had to have my second amputation. Let's pause for a moment and just state that no more amputations are going to be occurring in my leg. Please God. But I noticed that what it felt like, like I said, was really familiar. It felt almost identical to how it felt when I had those verses that would not go away that led to me having surgery to remove them, that then afterwards I had to have my second amputation. When it got to the point last year, actually in January, where I couldn't wear leg anymore at all because the pain was so bad, this is what it felt like. The first and usually the correct answer with amputated leg pain is it's your prosthesis. Something isn't right with your leg, how it's rubbing, how it's aggravating it, feeling the blank, you just gotta get your socket adjusted or your leg adjusted. And yes, oftentimes that is the case, but it hurts real bad even when I'm wearing this liner, which has nothing to do with my prosthetic leg unless I put my prosthetic leg on it. And when I have stayed off of it and I've taken breaks from my leg for days at a time and the pain is just as bad or worse in that very specific location with any kind of specific pressure on it. So when I put my liner on, if I don't have it in like a perfect position, it puts pressure on something and it almost feels like something's tearing off of muscle or tearing off of bone or something like that. But then I'll go to put my leg on and it is really painful sometimes because I have to exert pressure to get my leg in my socket. And so it'll start hitting on that part that really hurts. Other times, like right now, I can get into my leg without much pain. But then I start wearing it, I start walking around and it gets really painful again and I can only wear it for like an hour or two tops. If I'm sitting down, I take it off because it is too painful. So up to Denver, we went to meet with my surgeon and my prosthetist and see if we could figure something out between all of us. I'm not dressed for this weather. We were headed into a doctor's appointment. Every time I come up here, I actually have to bring a chain of clothes because you can't access a prosthetic leg with jeans on and it's freaking cold outside. My fingers are very tightly crossed because I don't, I don't want anything to be wrong again, but I know that something's definitely going on. I gave it a solid two week testing and resting period and it's done nothing but get worse. So we'll see what they have to say. Okay, so we just got done seeing my doctor-doctor and his recommendation was to go see my prosthetist, which I had scheduled anyways, but my prosthetist told me to go see him in the first place. I definitely have bone spurs that happened with the other amputation I had as well. So it just looks kind of funny on screen, very spiky, but they don't think that that's the problem. A bit of a frustrating doctor's appointment, but that's where we have it. So we met with them and they were very adamant that this is a prosthetics problem, most likely, but the thing is my prosthetist sent me to him to talk to him. We took X-rays and this is what we found. I have developed two very spiky little bone spurs. I'm not sure how clear it is to you, but it's pretty easy for me to see and it is in the general spot where I'm having that pain. It's not in the exact location, but I mean pain can radiate and it could be causing other issues. On the flip side, a lot of people get bone spurs and don't know. A lot of people get bone spurs and it's okay. And then other people get them and they're horribly painful and need to be removed. And I did develop bone spurs. The previous time I had the first amputation and then the burst out there were also bone spurs involved then. So my doctor and I chatted and he said he couldn't see anything wrong that'd be causing this pain from the X-ray. He didn't think it was coming from those two spikes coming off the end of my bone. He's the doctor, I'm not. It seems funny to me that that wouldn't have any impact, but he's the doctor and I'm the patient and he has expertise in years of training and I do not. And please know, I really like my doctor. I really appreciate all that he's done for me. He did a great job with my second amputation. But just like speaking from an emotional perspective, it's a little difficult to be sort of shrugged off. Like this isn't, you know, this isn't my problem. It's a prosthetist issue. There's probably nothing going on here and they didn't wanna order an MRI because I'm not entirely sure why, but apparently that's not the next step at this moment. So I did go to my prosthetist. I went to see Zach. He did a fantastic job like he always does and it feels exactly the same if not getting worse still. I have been walking on the modified socket for a number of days now and there's been a day where I couldn't wear it at all. I'm still only able to wear it for short periods of time. I can't walk the right way because it puts a lot of pressure on that area and really hurts. And when I've had my socket on for hours and I take it off, the area that hurts doesn't have red marks that last or bruising or anything like that. It just does not feel like it's my socket and I feel like the fact that I was off my leg for days and cut my activity and I've continued to be really, really gentle on it and it has gotten worse and it hurts with just a liner makes me think that something is going on. So all of that to say that 5K training is definitely on hold. I can't walk even a mile at this point. I'll set an appointment with that rehab doctor. I'll drive back up to Denver. I will see what he has to say but it's been really frustrating to take steps back again. I know that this is part of the process. I know that setbacks often happen but I kind of feel like I got a taste of what it could be like to really, really be moving forward and like walk a 5K and do cool stuff in a ninja gym. And you know that I've got like a list of things that I want to do and it's just on hold for now. I really struggle with like not jumping to conclusions and thinking that I know what's going on and of course it must be serious. And so the last few days have been a process of me verbally talking myself out of that and trying to stay patient and calm and just go with the process and see what's happening with it. But I'm back to being on the eye walk most of the time and in a lot more pain. As always, I will be taking you guys with me on this journey. We will see what happens. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully there will be a quick fix. Hopefully it's gonna magically resolve itself and I'm going to fight until I find an answer and I'm able to live the life that I wanna live and actually get really active and all of that. It's just on hold again for now which I can smile and laugh about but it's also kind of a little bit crushing and an excellent exercise in patience. I have a quick request for you. If you are an amputee, a lower limb amputee or you know anyone who is, have you experienced anything like this and what was it or what did you do to resolve it? Obviously I'm gonna be working with my doctors to find the solution but I'm curious if you've had similar experiences or suggestions that I could give a try to, I'm willing to try just about anything that could possibly work at this point. To end this video on a more positive note, I have taken up painting again. I started this painting in the live stream with you guys this weekend and finished it last night because in these moments when I feel out of control and like everything is spinning around me and I'm confused and lost and scared, it's really good for me to remember that there are things I can control that have nothing to do with my leg like being able to create art. So I'm gonna keep doing that and focusing on what is in my power and doing everything I can to find an answer. Thanks for listening guys, thanks for being on this journey with me. It blows my mind in the best possible way that so many of you guys have been here with me through a lot of these ups and downs. Like I know, I see people commenting who I know were commenting this time last year and it will never cease to amaze and humble me that you guys wanna follow along, that you wanna be a part of this journey and it really brightens my day and it helps me and I just wanna say thank you to everyone watching this. An extra special thank you goes out to my patrons over on Patreon. Thank you for supporting me, thank you for being a part of that community. If you're curious what Patreon is or how you can see bloopers videos or behind the scenes or special updates or anything like that, check out the link on screen, it's also linked down below. If you wanted to check it out, that would be fantastic. Thank you for listening, thank you for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere in the world doing anything and you chose to spend a few minutes with me and I really appreciate that. I love you guys, I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys. 🎵 There's nothing to say 🎵 🎵 Hand her from the sky 🎵