 Hello, Aspie Legion, there is love in the air today, because today we're going to be talking about how to date a neurotypical person. I'll tell those strange, mysterious and attractive creatures that are roaming the majority of the earth. These people, these mysterious people are hard to understand, hard to decode, but don't worry, Pal or Tommy Boy over here is here to decode the intricacies of the dating scenario and also give you some tips which are tailored to autistic people so that you have the best experience you can possibly have on your date. So just to give you a bit of background to this video, this is going to be 10 tips that you can use, that you can revise, that you can work on either before a date or hopefully a long time prior to a date. Just to give you a bit of background on myself, I spent about a year or two in my second and third year of university working on my dating ability. I spent a lot of time researching how the psychology of how neurotypical people work and comparing it to autistic people. But I've also researched the best ways to put across that you are a confident person, that you are an interesting, passionate person, that you are intelligent and funny. All of those things I've looked at quite heavily in order for me to improve my dating life and I hope in this video I can show you guys just how you can do that as well. So without further ado, let's get into the first point. Number one, you don't need to explain everything in detail. Now I realise that there are some sort of key major differences between autistics and neurotypicals when it comes to making conversation. One of the first things is that autistic people, we tend to talk a lot about something and we tend to explain our actions and our thoughts very detailed. Now this is great, especially with someone who you're very close to or a good friend, but on a date you need to sort of play to the atmosphere, you need to be fun and you need to make sure that the conversation is more of a two-way thing and two-way sort of easy casual experience rather than sort of like a debate, which I'm sure a lot of people in the world are up for that, but from my experience the majority of people, you know, they like to have fun and stuff. The best way to go about communicating with a neurotypical I found is to talk very generally, so talk very generally when it comes to explaining things. For example, if you are talking about your opinion on sports, instead of, you know, listing the draw sheets and the statistics for each person in detail, maybe touch on that a little bit, but also make sure to, you know, be general, you know, just say, oh, I kind of, I like, I like this team, I think they've got good, whatever, and then sort of move on. Don't go into too much detail, especially when it's the, you know, the first sort of start of the day you want to try and be as general as possible. Another thing, a lot of the time you're going to want to express your emotion. Neurotypical people like to speak with their emotions a lot more than autistics. We like to communicate our thoughts and the facts that we know and our dissections of things. Neurotypical people, they like to talk more about their emotions, so why you feel like this is good or what it made you feel and why. When introducing or answering a topic, try to answer in around two to three sentences of speech, which expresses how you feel about the topic. And then round it off with sort of a related topic that, you know, you just thought of and ask them about it or ask them about their views if they've asked you about yours. Try to elaborate, try to sort of push the conversation forward rather than stick into one topic for the whole of the night. It's usually a good way to do it, so yeah, that's number one. Number two, body language is everything. I don't mean everything, but it is a large part of dating. Although I'd love to go in depth into the intricacies of attractive body language, it'll take me a lot of time to explain just what every single aspect is important for and also the, you know, the differences between males and females. So I'm going to keep these points a little bit general. First thing, 70-30 eye contacts. This is the biggest thing for me I found that really sort of gets across your confidence and gets across that you're tentatively listening to people. I realise that autistic people struggle with making eye contact and maintaining a conversation at the same time, but try to keep it for the 70-30 people. Most of the time you're talking to the camera, you're not talking to the other person rather, talking to the camera. You're talking to the other person, suddenly you're looking away a little bit and you're looking back. Good pointer, don't look down. That shows that you're feeling confident if you look down. So when you're taking breaks from eye contact, look around, they'll go staring off into space and stuff and look around and sort of lock eye contact with somebody. Another point is to sort of sit back in your chair and relax and show some relaxed body posture. If you're a guy, you might want to sort of, you know, expand your body a little bit, expand your legs and your body. So that can mean anything from sort of, if I was to sit like this to expand myself, I would sort of go like that and lean one side or you get the picture. It's not the best example, but as long as you stay relaxed, exhibit relaxed body posture, that is always a plus. You also want to help the other person sort of feel a bit more comfortable and one of the ways that you can do that is by angling your belly button towards the person, angling your body towards them and making sure that they are the main sort of center of attention rather than sitting to one side, pulling your legs to one side. You want to make sure that you're open and you're showing your palms. Palms is an important thing and shows that you're safe, just some sort of evolutionary thing that we've picked up. So keep your body language very relaxed, trying to stay comfortable in this scenario, stay open facing the person with your palms open and you'll be gold. Number three, really good thing to try and do, which I will explain. Do something exciting that doesn't require constant communication with the other person. This can be anything from sports to, you know, maybe going to like a trampoline park or doing something that's a bit more active, like walking somewhere or going to a museum, depending on the person that you're with and what they're interested in, you can sort of bring up different ideas. The reason why this is important thing to do is because usually a day lasts, you know, maybe between about two or three hours, depending on how well it goes, might be shorter, might be longer, and you're probably at some point going to feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of social communication that you're having from a person who you are, you know, interested in because it always makes a little bit worse. So it's good to try and start off the day or start off the day with something active, release those endorphins, sort of quench some of the anxiety that you feel and enhance your time with the other person. If you're not into drinking, you know, a lot of people drink on dates to make you feel relaxed. Do something active. Honestly, it helps 100%. Number four, talk about your interests with passion. You're passionate about something and you have a lot to say about something. Make sure to mention it, but don't monologue too much. If you're finding yourself constantly speaking in, you know, sentences around four to five sentences length without asking the other person something or allowing the other person to talk, it's usually a good It's usually a good sign that you're talking too much about yourself. As I said in the other point, it's always good to have a two-way conversation, but interests and passion and excellence in certain areas of life is always good to bring up. Don't feel like you're boasting when you tell someone that you've done something well, you've done something cool. It's usually a good conversation starter and it can also show that you're a very high-value person that they would want to, you know, see again in the future. Number five, round up any negative experiences that you're talking about with something positive. Now, I realized that a lot of people on the spectrum generally have a lot lower quality of life than most people. You generally have a lot more issues in our life, whether it be relationships, whether it be friendships, whether it be work and stress and mental health. But on a date, you need to try and keep the atmosphere more positive and uplifting because that's what the other person's here to do. They're here to have a good time initially, maybe make some emotional connection with you as well. That's what a date is for. I realized that a lot of your negative experiences may come up just as a general conversation topic because we tend to have a lot more of them to talk about, if that makes sense. For example, if you're talking about a past relationship, which I steer away from, but if you end up talking about it anyway, just say, you know, I really love the other person, we had a great time while we were together. I just don't think it was, you know, it was right, we were right together. That is a good way to end a negative experience with a positive point. Overall, don't try and be too negative, but people have negative experiences. Just make sure to put a positive spin on it. That lets the other person know that you are, you know, a positive person and that you are going to sort of be the uplifting person that makes them have a good time with you on date. Number six, my head is, my head is the other finger because I'm holding this mic. Make sure to take pride in your appearance. I realize that this is sort of a, a reductive kind of statement, but in general autistic people tend, in my experience, tend to have a little bit less of a feel for style, a little bit less of a feel for hygiene. This is all to do with our difficulties in executive functioning and a lot of people on the spectrum can sort of put off taking showers and stuff. I did when I was younger. You're going to want to dress casually, but it is also important to, you know, keep your outfit clean and keep it, you know, ironed. Make sure that you are matching your clothes. Well, make sure you've done some research on what goes well with what, tried some stuff out, make sure that your clothes fit. That is another good one. And make sure to shower before your date, not in the morning, not the night before. So keep your style up, check what's in, check what clothes you have, what goes together, keep it casual but smart. Lastly, have a shower. Please put some, put some perfume on or some cologne on. Number seven, I'm not going to try to put my fingers up now. It's no point. Pay attention to what the other person says. I know a lot of autistic people struggle to maintain conversations, especially when there's all these points that I've sort of brought up, but it is important to listen to what the other person says, especially in a date. If someone brings up a conversation or some, an experience that they've had, if you remember that experience and you're paying attention enough, firstly it's going to validate that you are interested in them. And it's also going to validate that you were paying attention as well. Girls, especially girls like it when guys do this. Girls tend to remember a lot more of the conversation and just because of biology and the differences in their brains. But if you're a guy, you need to really make sure that you pay attention and bring up conversations that you've had before and things that they said where you see fit. And this will do wonders to make sure that the day goes as well as possible. Number eight, speak loudly, loud enough for your environment. If you've got a quiet voice, try to go for somewhere that isn't too loud. Thing is, is that it kills the mood if the other person has to keep asking what you said. It's always good to find the right level of volume for the atmosphere that you're in to make sure that conversation goes as fluid as possible and make sure that there isn't some awkward scenario where you've said something and haven't really understood what you said or you've asked them something and they didn't really understand because they keep having to try to ask you so they don't want to, you know, all that rubbish. Yeah, speak loud enough. Number nine, if the day is going well, try to move somewhere else which allows you to be a bit more intimate with the other person. I'm not saying go home and say, hey, do you want to come to my room? You know, that kind of thing. Go somewhere where you can be in close proximity with somebody. Somewhere, somewhere where the sofa, somewhere where you can sit next to the other person. If the day is going well, as I've said, it's always important to try to sort of escalate the mood that you're in. You've got over the initial conversation, you've lowered your anxiety a little bit. They felt a bit more open with you. Now it's time to sort of be more open and the best way that you can show that is by being confident and sitting close to the other person, making sure that you are, you know, relaxed and open with the other person is a very attractive quality. Being in close proximity allows you to make some minor body contact, which is very important. I'm not saying go like grab the leg or something. That's definitely not, definitely not the right way to go about it. I'm not saying that you would. I'm just saying anyone else watching now that has that impression. I'm talking about if you are, you know, you laughing about something, if the other person says something funny or they make a joke against yourself, you can go like, you know, like you can touch, touch them on the shoulder, like just a little bit. Now and again, not too, not too intense, just to show that you're open, then you feel comfortable with the other person. If you're finding it too stressful to do this kind of thing, maybe just try going on a few dates without doing this and just trying to ease into the process as much as you can. Once you are in close proximity with someone, it's generally good for guys, this is mostly a guy thing, to be comfortable, be confident. If you're on a sofa, you can put your arm down the back of the sofa in their direction, that will show that you're feeling very confident and very open towards the other person. Great thing to do. Try, you know, keep yourself directed towards the other person and interested in what they're saying. If you are drinking, it's generally going to be quite easy to do this later on in the day, or if you're going after an activity and you're just going to a bar after, just to kind of chill and have maybe one or two. Make sure to be confident, keep open, close proximity, stay relaxed and try and make a little bit of body contact. And at the end of the day, it's gone well, somewhere near the ends, you know, you lock eye contact with them and they're looking at your lips, go in for a kiss. They look at your lips a few times, if you go darting back and forth from your eyes and your lips, they want to kiss you, so do it then. That is a good point to do it, that's okay. Just go for it, you need to be confident, I know it's hard, I know. Taking this into account, it's going to make your date go a whole lot better and improve your chances of having another date with them. Last point, number 10. Joking is the life of the day. Humour is incredibly important on a day. Most people, as I've said around dates, just to see how it goes, just to see how the other person is, whether you get on with each other and a lot of people want a positive experience. Positive experiences come from sharing things with the other person that they would find interesting, something interesting about yourself, asking questions about the other person, but it's also about feeling good and what makes people feel good, laughter. If you are bad at humour, I do recommend doing your own research on this, looking for some jokes. The best way to give jokes on their own is to ask the other person whether they have any funny jokes. They might give you a joke, they might not, they might say, oh I don't really know any jokes, they'll usually ask you if you have any and then you can give them your joke. And that is a good thing to do, maybe you want to tell two or three jokes and I just have something that you know off my heart that you can say that are funny, short and sweet, you don't need to make them incredibly long. Honestly, I would say for most people for a general thing, this concept called negging, it's sort of being a little bit me, you know, sort of making a joke out of something, just to sort of like tease the other person. I would say that if you've never been on a date before, don't try this because it's going to be really hard for you as an autistic person to get the hang of negging, that makes sense. I still struggle with it a little bit but generally if the date's going good and you're feeling like they're quite being quite playful with you, it might be just you know just make a comment like if they say oh like I'm really good at rowing and stuff, you can say like oh do you think you could be me in an arm wrestle and say like oh yeah maybe maybe the other person says oh yeah uh I bet I could yeah I'll beat you and you can you know have a little bit of a fun arm wrestle. That is a neg, obviously it's followed up a little bit there, it's basically just having banter with the other person in a playful way and that is quite a good tip to sort of work on as a last thing. I definitely think concentrate on the things, the other things that I've said, general jokes, good way to go if you need to at all. So thank you very much for watching, I have some last thoughts, I know this has been a long video and I realise that it is a long video and most people would probably kick off it now. So I'm glad that you guys are here for the last bit, some last thoughts and things to take into consideration on your day. Don't bring up inflammatory subjects, religion, politics, horrible news, exams, school, job work, it's going bad. Unless it's important for you to know if you are in, if you are religious and you need someone who is of the same religion of you, you can ask them. Try your best to relax, good role form is to pretend that you're meeting up with a good friend. It will make it a lot easy for you to feel relaxed and it will make the the date go a bit better because she won't feel so horrible because this person is basically judging you as a person and whether you're attracted to them. You don't need to agree with everything someone says on the date, they'll just be a yes man or a yes woman. Give your opinions, make sure to keep it light and make sure to not get into a debate. It's quite attractive to stand your ground and have your own opinions but make sure to stay interested in what the other person says and ask questions about their opinions rather than sort of debating them. Make sure the environment is right for you, this is your first date or it's one of your many dates and they haven't been going too well. Make sure the environment is good for you. Do something as I've said active, something that requires a low amount of communication, initiate. That's a good way to get yourself into it because if you can feel confident and relaxed it's going to, the other person's going to recognise that and it's going to be attractive. Lastly you do not have to pay for the date, for the whole date. If you're not financially viable to fork out for a meal or an event that you're doing as I said maybe gone trampolining you don't need to. If you say to the other person I think we should pay half, I want to pay half on the bill, I want to pay for myself, that is completely fine. It shows strength of character and it also gives you a good idea of how the other person is as a person whether they're nice, whether they value you and value your time. So I know it's been a long video, I hope you enjoyed these 10 tips plus some last thoughts at the end and I wish you good luck on your date. Make sure to ease into it, don't be too hard on yourself, don't be too negative about the experiences that you have. After all our brains are different and we find this this type of thing quite hard so don't don't be hard on yourself. And if you want to see some more dating tips from me I'm going to be making a lot more videos so if you make sure to like this video and comment on it subscribe hit the notification bell it will tell me on my little statistics page that you guys like this video and I will make more videos on dating in the future. The mood is right, the smooth jazz is in the background it's time to go out on that date and succeed. Show the other person that you are a sensual comfortable attractive interesting person and you're going to crush that date. See you later guys.