 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. I am Footless Joe. If you are not here before, it's because I'm missing a foot and my name is Joe, pretty self-explanatory. In my last video, I talked with you guys about the fact that I'm gonna be needing more leg surgery on my little stump here. Now, I know that this has been coming up for a little while now. I was waiting for a specialist appointment that kind of kept getting pushed back out. And last week, I finally got to meet with him to figure out, okay, what exactly we're doing and when that's gonna occur. And in my previous understanding before this appointment, it was gonna be a pretty non-invasive surgery. They are working on nerve stuff, which is pretty unpredictable. The meeting that I had with the surgeon, the specialist who would be doing the surgery did not go the way that I expected it to. I find myself faced with a very difficult choice. But first, before we fully dive in, oh, my hair got caught in that and it is uncomfortable. Know what time it is? Time to thank our lovely sponsor. No, listen, if you have been on YouTube for more than a few minutes, you may have heard of the sponsor before because they're pretty fantastic. That's right, baby. You guessed it, Raychata Legends. You, like me, might be a dreamer. And have you ever dreamed? You know, I don't know, something you can fit in your pocket and play any time that you're, say, waiting for a doctor's appointment or in between TikToks. Now you can with Raychata Legends. This game allows you to explore millions of champion combinations and master countless tactics, dungeon runs, which just speaks to my fantasy soul, campaign battles, and arena matches. There are hundreds of artifacts to equip and over 600 champions, plus with unique skills that you can build your team to help your champions and rage your way. As previously mentioned, I'm a fantasy nerd. 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Death Knight is becoming a legendary champion, and if you don't know what that means, get the game started now. All you need to do to get started with this game is use the QR screen on code. Wait, I said that wrong. Use the QR code on screen or use the link below to raid your way on mobile or PC to play this game. Let's jump back into some super confusing news. So in the process of doing an amputation, there's different things that they try to do with your nerves to alleviate nerve pain, phantom pain, things like that. And oftentimes it's effective, and sometimes it's not. In my case, nerve and phantom pain has always been a big problem, but about six months ago, that ramped up to a whole new level where I have a spot in my leg that if I hit it the right way, is insanely painful, and it also just means that I'm dealing with nerve pain in my leg the majority of the time. So as bummed as I was at the prospect of another surgery, at least there was a solution. But in speaking with my specialist, what I learned was a couple things. Number one, there's about a 50% chance that it would work, period. Like best case scenario, 50% chance. Flip of a coin, whether or not it's gonna fix it. Additionally, because they're working with nerves and they're kind of unpredictable, the silly geese that they are, there is a not insubstantial chance it could actually make it worse long-term. On top of that, there's a guarantee that pain would be substantially increased for three to six months, and the healing time from the surgery and the lack of mobility was a lot more substantial than I thought it was gonna be. So when I was in that appointment, I was kinda like, well, of course, but you have to do the next surgery. That's what I've always done. If there's a chance of it getting better, let's do it. But by the time I got out to my car and started thinking it through, I realized I do have a choice here. And as uncomfortable and painful as this can be, I am still able to walk most days. I am still able to occasionally go for a hike, though uncomfortable, you know, on good days or participate in different activities. It is painful, but it's also doable. And the idea that it's not only like a roll of the dice, whether or not it's gonna work, but additionally, that this could make it worse. I realized pretty quickly that that is not a risk. I am willing to live with, which is funny, right? Because when I had my amputation in the first place, I knew that I was taking a major fricking risk. There were so many variables and possibilities of what could go wrong potentially, but I was at the end of my row. It wasn't going to get better. It was only gonna get worse unless I had it amputated. And I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with that anymore. So I made this decision. I've never looked back. I don't regret it to this day. However, that was after like 14 years of pain and surgeries and worsening condition. And there's a big part of me that's like, there's a chance it could get better. You always gotta take that. But I actually realized that's a risk that I, I can't take right now. There has been so much that has gone on in my life in the last six months. So many substantial significant changes and losses and immense amount of grief, a lot of mental health difficulties. And as it is within my power, I don't really think I can take too much more right now. Things happen outside of our control, but when it comes to decisions I can make for my own life, I cannot stomach the idea that if I made that decision, it would make it worse. And so until this becomes unbearable, which I hope it doesn't, solid chance that that will eventually happen, but hopefully a very long time from now, fingers crossed, please universe God, whoever you are. But until that point, I'm not gonna go back under the knife. You know sometimes you don't realize things until you say them out loud. As I'm speaking about this right now, I'm kind of realizing the impact of it. Realistically speaking, the pain I am in is not going to get better. And trying to find a way to reconcile that in my mind to like make peace with it, to maybe not dwell on it too much, but to know what to do in the moments when that gets really heavy to deal with is definitely a process. I have always been a big believer that hope is like the most important thing any of us can have because without it, you just die inside, you know? Why make it, right? Like why try? Like you have to have hope even if you don't know what you're hoping in or even if it feels unfounded. I even have the word tattooed on me for Christ's sake. Like I'm a big believer in hope. And it's hard to know where to put that. When I know it's not gonna get better. So as is true with many things, it's a process of kind of reframing it and really not thinking too far ahead because the reality is I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow. All I can do is deal with this present moment. And when it comes to chronic conditions, which I have some experience in, trying to make your brain look forward and picture your life in this amount of pain, whatever you're feeling, you know, for the next many years or the fact that it's never gonna get better, that is a crushing thought, a crushing idea. And I find that it is the power to kind of break me really easily. So what I've started doing instead of kind of entering into that spiral of it's never gonna get better. Oh my God, there's no hope is instead just really dealing with this present moment. Like right now, yeah, it's uncomfortable. It's not bad. It's mildly annoying, but it's not the end of the world. And so I'll work within the limitations of today. Today it's all right. I may go for a little bit of a hike later to get some sunshine. Will I pay for that? Maybe a little bit. Tomorrow it might be a lot worse. And I'm gonna try to respect the limitations and the boundaries that my body is putting in place by moderating the time that I'm in my prosthetic leg. As I break it on camera, just getting it's way more durable than that. Not doing as much staying off of it, things like that, but to sound very cliche. All any of us have is this exact moment. And so I'm not gonna think about the future too hard. I'm not gonna picture how terrible that could be because the reality is it might be just fine. It might stay exactly the same. It could get worse. I have no way of knowing. And so I'm not gonna try to be a magician or I'm a said psychopath. That's the wrong word. What's it called when someone can see into the future? Like those who have the gift to force that. I'm not gonna try to be a, you know, someone who looks into the future. I'm gonna put the word on screen when I finally look it up. Oh, hi, baby. It's time for more pets. I didn't know. I didn't check my watch. I am sorry. And instead I'm going to use my energy in whatever direction will be most productive for today. So I will not be having surgery. Also additionally, I will be getting a couple other opinions to make sure there aren't other options out there that might have less risk I could try. There are medications I could go on like nerve pain medications. I've been on them before. They just don't do great things for me. So that's not a direction I shall be choosing at this present time. Do I sound like a politician when I speak? It's not an option I shall be opting for at this present time. My constituents. Am I losing my mind? Have I been alone too long? Maybe I should go outside. And we'll see what happens. I'm super grateful that for the time being I am still able to do things most days. It doesn't feel fantastic, but like I said, it's bearable. That is my little life update and why I will not be moving forward with getting cut open again. I have been through so many surgeries that you would think I would think as time went on. I'd be like, ah, no big deal. I'm a pro at this. Keep it coming, man, you know? Not like Ashley, but I have noticed that as time has gone, especially in the last couple of years, I have become so averse to surgery, to the idea of surgery. I think I've had enough bad experiences with it, whether with doctors or in the recovery process or outcomes or just hospitals in general, that I like have a violent emotional reaction to the idea of having more surgery. It's not gotten easier. It's somehow gotten a lot harder. So I'm gonna respect that and where my brain is right now and move on from here. So that being said, thank you so much for listening. I do feel more powerful when I hold this like a weapon or a microphone or a very large drink, which I feel like I could use right now, but it's 10 a.m. so no luck there. A big thank you again to our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends for sponsoring today's video. Also this and none of my videos would be complete without me giving a heartfelt thanks to all of my patrons over on Patreon. You guys enable me to do what I'm doing here. Truly thank you and most importantly, come closer. You, lovely human. Thank you for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. And you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes. I truly appreciate that. Time is the most valuable resource any of us have. And the fact that you spend some with me means a lot to me. Thank you. I love you guys. I'm thinking of you and I will see you in the next video. Mwah, bye guys. That couch was a little further back than I thought it was. Mwah, bye. Oh, hi big dog. Hi Domi. I'm really sorry I meant to start this video but then the dogs informed me that it was pet time and it is my full time job to do that instead of this. So we're just gonna have to wait till the pet quota is filled.