 I'm the Comic Weekly Man. The Jolly Comic Weekly Man. And I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and hollies. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Fuck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend the Comic Weekly Man. The Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Well, little Miss Roddy, how are you today? Oh, I'm just fine. I'm extra fine. And why are you extra fine today? Because my school is over and I've got the whole summer for vacation. Well, isn't that nice? Your school's over and all of the other schools will be over pretty quickly too. Of that, I'm sure. And then everybody will have a vacation for the whole summer. Isn't that wonderful? Well, it will be wonderful if I can be sure of one thing. What's that? You're busy taking a vacation that you'll forget about me. Oh, I won't forget you, because I want you to read me the funnies every Sunday and summer too. That's fine, and I'll be here every Sunday all through the summer. Goodie. Now, now will you please read me the funnies? Fuck the Comic Weekly? Yes. Very well, I will in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now here we go with Fuck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page, hop along Cassidy. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Six guns blazing as your thunder's along. Give us music for hop along. Hoppy has not yet discovered that Doc Wiley was the man who shot Slote just as Hoppy was questioning him. Meanwhile, Hoppy has learned that his friend Buck Peters has left the bar 20 ranch carrying a lot of money. As Hoppy, California, unlucky right along, California says, We're heading toward El Paso. Ain't exactly my idea how to find Slote's killer, Hoppy. Hoppy replies, No, but it's one way of intercepting Buck Peters before he rides into trouble. California says, first picture, next row. I wonder whatever possessed him to leave the bar 20 and a cattle buying trip in the face of all these ghost maids. Hoppy replies, Well, Buck's too stubborn to believe in ghost California, but a man carrying $3,000 through this country is flirting with danger. As they come to a waterhole, they see fresh signs of a man and a horse having been there lately. They think that it might have been Buck. So first picture, next row, they see a glimmer of campfire through the trees. They leave their horses behind some rocks and start to move forward quietly toward the grove of trees. First picture, fourth row, they slip up on the campfire, guns in hand, and see a man sleeping there. California exclaims, last picture, the row. Well, Kev, kick me. It's just Buck. I'm sleeping like he's a bane. Hoppy looks at Buck closely. First picture, next row. As he kneels next to him, he exclaims, This is more than sleep. I think Buck's been drugged. Lucky who find Buck's horse lying on the ground exclaims, Yeah, and so is his horse. Who could have done this? Hoppy says, last picture, the row, are ghost raiders. They figure out a way to dope their victims, rob them, then vanish without a trace before the drug wears off. No wonder they're never seen. California looks in the saddlebag and says, Hey, Buck's money pouch is still here. We must go out here, head to the buzzards. At that moment, last picture, three riders are nearing the spot. They see Hoppy's horses and rain in. One of them exclaims, Horses, somebody find camp. This is trap, maybe. The other dismounts saying, Whatever it is, we won't get caught in it. Start creeping up. See in these pals, don't get caught by surprise vetsies, man. So do I, because I'm sure that these are the ghost raiders who are coming to get Buck Peter's money while he's sleeping. Oh my, if only Hoppy can catch them now and make them tell who's the leader, then Hoppy can catch for the whole game. Well, let's hope that's the way it turns out next week. Now shall we read Prince Vell? Oh, yes, please, and I'm sure we'll find him on page three. Well, let's turn over the page, and you'll write. There he is on page three. You remember last... Yes, and while on board the ship, he was teaching young Arf how to walk with a crutch, because Arf has lost one of his legs. But Arf is getting along splendidly now. But they only... So can we read now and see how they get along in the rest of the way? We certainly can, so here we go, with Prince Vellient to the days of King Arthur. Hecket, brekket, gray mulken and quince, music romantic for a fair, fair prince. Prince Vellient lands in Syracuse on the Isle of Sicily and goes in search of a ship to take them far to the north. Young Arf has allowed no time to brood over his misfortunes, but must complete three copies of his report to King Agua. Each to be carried by a different messenger. Such are the dangers of travel at the beginning of the dark ages. Elegal and Rufus falls the task of guiding the missionaries across half the known world. Leaving Ravenna last picture top row, they take the road to Rome. Churchmen, clerks and servants go armed as warriors. They will teach of peace and mercy when they reach Thule, but first they must survive the long journey. And this will not be easy, because it is late in the year and winter is upon them. Snow mantles the mountains and cold rain sweep the valley. A swollen river bars the way, big picture in the middle of the page, and they must camp until the flood subsides. Rufus is impatient. He says, Let's ride upstream, Elegal, perhaps there's a crossing higher up. So the two of them gallop away from the rest of the band and follow a path that leads upward to Mount Titanium. First picture bottom row, they've climbed so high, they have left the clouds and the rain behind them, and they see freshly tilled soil, young fruit trees and a vineyard. As they begin to move on to explore further, a deep voice brings them to a halt. A huge stone cutter hammer in hand bars the way. At last picture, he stands before them saying, I am Marius, the Dalmatian. No one may enter my sanctuary, save the persecuted seeking freedom, justice and peace. Rufus and Elegal, because they're peaceful men. I should think you would. You know, I'm always surprised to see the rain or the sun in one part of the mountains, and then when you get up a little higher, everything changes. There's sunshine and all those nice green fields. Yes, that's the way it is sometimes in the mountains. That's why I like to travel, so I can see these things and learn about them. Oh, you will sometime. And next week we'll find out whether this man helps Rufus and Elegal, won't we? Oh, you bet we will. And we'll also find out more about Val and Arf, who have gone their separate ways. And now? And now, my favorite. Donald Duck, you mean? Yes. Very well, let's go over the page then, past Jungle Jim. And there in the middle of page five is Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me. Squeegeum, squeegeum, squeegee, chicka-chack. Let's have music to finish. Donald has bought a television aerial. When he learns that it'll cost $10 to have it put up, he decides to do the work himself with the help of his three nephews. He gets home, third picture top row, and finds a note on the door which reads, Uncle Donald, have gone to the ball game. See you at supper. Do it, do it, and lose. Donald exclaims, Glad. Guess when I need him. He goes in the house and walks over to the television set saying, I got it. I'll put it up along. At least see the last couple of innings. So he turns on the television set, last picture top row saying, First, turn on the sound log, and leave the front door open so I can hear when it starts to work. And Donald takes his aerial and climbs up to the roof. And by the time we get to the first picture bottom row, he is almost finished putting it up. He makes one final little adjustment. And he hears the baseball game coming through the window. Donald exclaims, Ah, there you go. What a good job. But he doesn't see a burglar walking into the house. A moment later, the baseball game suddenly goes off the air. Donald exclaims, That's funny. It stopped. He fiddles with the aerial a little more. But he can't get it working again. So, Not bad. He climbs down to look at the television set itself. He walks into the living room next to the last picture and finds the television set gone. And a note written on the wall which says, Thanks, bud. And Donald's hat pops off. Last picture, his nephews come home. Louie looks around the living room and says to Donald, Hey, where's the television, Uncle Donald? And Donald, who was reading the paper snarls, I gave it away. Now fast down. He left the door open and somebody stole the television set right under his nose. But he tells Louie he just gave it away. Doesn't he look funny? Look how mad he looks. This time he's mad at himself for being so foolish. Oh, funny. Well, now how would you like to see what's happening to Flash Gordon? Oh, because you remember last week, he'd been on the moon and over the bad man. Oh, yes, he's a hero to all of the Beetlemen now. And he was reading so he can see if he gets back here. All right, here we go with Flash Gordon. Raga-daga-doon-doon, Sasuke Matash. Let's have music for heroic flag. After sealing his peace pack with the inhabitants of the moon, Flash heads his spaceship toward Earth, taking Yal, one of the moon men, as a mad passenger. As the rocket roars away, Yal suddenly goes berserk at the thought that he may never again see his native planet. He grabs one of Dale's diamonds and attempts to use it as a missile, but he is quickly subdued. All right, now, quiet down, quiet down. By the time the giant spaceship nears the Earth, Yal has quieted down and even seems to be looking forward with eagerness to the adventures that await him on this strange new world. Last picture, top roll, the Earth is in sight and in a matter of minutes, Flash will be speeding to a landing and be home again. Flash brings the ship to the smooth landing to the cheerers of a huge crowd. The moon expedition's return caused a worldwide sensation. Reporters, broadcasters, TV and newsreel cameramen crowd to see the first man on the moon. And Flash, Dale, Professor Bright and Yal the Beatleman are taking in a special car for a grand tour of the city and a royal welcome. Later, after Flash has given his report of what he has discovered on the moon, last picture at a special meeting, top officials and scientists urge a new project on Flash and Dale, a space platform circling the Earth a thousand miles out. Flash thinks and then agrees. Yes, it can be done, and we'll be glad to help build it. And it looks as though Flash has a new and exciting project ahead of it. He's like a hero. Yes, and he deserves to be treated like a hero after the good work he's done. Yes, but that Beatleman noise. I don't blame him, but I'm sure he'll find out that it's a friendly noise and not a dangerous one. Yes, and now Flash is going to have a new adventure next week. That's something you'll have to wait until next week to find out about, but I think I can promise you that it'll be a mighty interesting. I know, and I'll be here. Good, now how would you like to read Dagwood and Blondie? Oh, I just love Blondie. Well, you get out the first page of the second section and be all ready to read. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly and on the first page of the second section, Dagwood and Blondie. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Ram-a-foo, Ram-a-fum, Zim-Zam-Zombie. Conjury music for Dagwood and Blondie. Now, let the office, Mr. Dithers, walks into Dagwood's office and barks. Dagwood, where's the Brown Brothers contract? Dagwood, looking very nervous, says timidly. I lost it, Mr. Dithers. Dithers roars. Lost it? Well, instead, we all fired. Dagwood stamps his foot and says... Then? Mr. Dithers stamps out of the office. Slash picture, top roll. Dagwood looks after him, then begins to clean out his desk. Tears begin to flow from Dagwood's office as he works, and he sniffs. At the 20 years, I'm leaving to Dithers' company. I'll clean out my desk and say goodbye to the force. First picture, next row. Dagwood says a fearful farewell to his friends at the office. He cries. They cry. And one of the men says, We hate to see you go to the door. Dagwood shakes the hand of another, saying, I enjoyed working with you, folks. A little later at the Bumstead House, there's a rap on the door. Blondie opens it, and there's Dagwood, who tearfully tells her, I'm through working for the Dithers company. Blondie tells him, last picture, second row, that if he's not going to work at the office, she has plenty for him to do around there. And a moment later, Dagwood, his sleeves rolled up, and a mop and a scrub brush in hand is taking orders from Blondie, and he doesn't like it. First picture, next row, at the office, Dithers tells the office boy, Oh, I tell Bumstead, they're coming to my office. The office boy answers, Mr. Dithers, don't you remember? You fired him, and then he resigned. And by the time you can get to the next picture, Dithers is at Dagwood's house. He says to Blondie, Hey Blondie, I must see Dagwood at once. Blondie tells him, if he's going to hang around there, he'll have to work too. So off goes Mr. Dithers' coat, down he goes on his knees, and he's put to work helping Dagwood scrub the floor. A few minutes later, Blondie looks in on them and sees the two with their arms around each other, crying, and Dithers is saying, Oh Dagwood, Dagwood, forgive me, dear boy. I was hasty. I didn't mean to fire you. I'm sorry too, Mr. Dithers. I didn't mean to re- In first picture, bottom row, Blondie sweeps him out of the house. Middle picture, bottom row, Dithers and Dagwood are back at the office, and Dithers is saying to Dagwood, I'll help you put your things back on your desk, and then we'll get back to the work, Dagwood. Dagwood replies, Jeez, good to be back. And then when everything is in the desk again, Mr. Dithers sits down and says, last picture, now, well, well, way before this thing happened. Oh yes, where is the Brown Brothers contract? My goodness, you're right. Well, I hope they don't hear. And then Dithers will fire Dagwood again, and then Dagwood will cry again. Oh, this could go on forever. Well, that's a nice thing about funny papers. They do go on forever. That's why I go there. Why, we certainly can. You remember, Roy is in danger. He caught up with that very stupid bandit who'd stolen a Trigger Junior. This is the bandit was robbing a train. And then a real bandit galloped up and knocked Roy down, just as he was about to take the handkerchief off the stupid bandit's nose. And then the engineer steam come out of the train and scared the bandit's horse, and it started to jump around right over where Roy was lying on the ground. So quick read. I want to see whether Roy gets hurt or not. Very well, here we go with Roy Rogers, the king of the cowboys. Hi-yip-hi-oh. Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Hi-yip-hi-oh. Deck Dolan's horse Bucks Madly as the hot steam blows out of the engine. The steam is too much for Dolan, he snarls. Come on, let's get out of here, horse. He gallops away. Clumsy bandit who called himself killer Monty jumps on Trigger Junior and starts to gallop off, too. But when Trigger sees Trigger Junior galloping off, he gallops up in front and stops him. Trigger Junior stops quickly, throwing the Clumsy Bandit off. Deck Dolan sees this. Last picture, top row. Gallops taught him saying, I'd rat that masked tenderfoot who calls himself killer Monty. He can't handle a horse and he better than a six-shooter. First picture, bottom row. Dolan picks up Monty saying, I don't know why I bother with you, Monty, except I want to know how come you're operating in my territory. And away he gallops. Roy, who sees this, leaps in the saddle and goes after them saying, I aim to have a showdown with that masked gent who stole Trigger Junior. And I got a score to settle with that Deck Dolan humbry, too. Deck Dolan, still carrying the Clumsy Bandit, gallops up a pass between some high rocks above the trail. He quickly rains in. Leaps out of the saddle, runs to a spot between the rocks saying, We can't out distance Rogers riding double. So we'll ambush him here. And the Clumsy Bandit sees that Dolan is going to shoot Roy who's riding that way. He says, Can't we handle this some other way, Dolan? Dolan pays no attention. He draws a bead on Roy who gallops closer and closer. Last picture, Dolan snarls. Yeah, this is made of water. Blast Rogers between the eyes. Keep clear now. The timid bandit trembles and thinks, I can't let him shoot Roy. I've got to do something. I'm afraid. Life. Neither can I. Oh, then she's... It most certainly is. And let's turn over the page. And there he is on page three. You remember this to a farmhouse? Yes, at the orders of General Benedict Arnold, who's the commander at West Point. But Major André and I are the Major's boots. So the Major knocked Dick out and escaped. When Dick came to, he found himself tied hand and foot. I'm anxious to know whether Dick escapes in time to catch Major André. Well, let's find that out right now. So here we go with Dick's adventures and say the magic words with me. Rigiddy pack, gizack, gizick. Let's send music for adventurous Dick. Dick struggles wildly to get himself free. He finds a horse on the farmer's barn and takes up the chase, knowing that André is carrying plans of the fortifications of West Point hidden in his boots. Last picture top row, he overtakes André near White Plain. Dick shouts, This time you're not escaping and charges down on him with eddy force. He pulls Major André off his horse and they fight first picture second row. André's no match for the wiry and furiously angry young colonial sergeant. He makes a last frantic bid for freedom, offering a thousand pound bribe and next picture gets a straight from the shoulder answer. His three Yankee volunteers come running up. Curious to know what the fight's about? Last picture of the row, Dick tells them what's happened. André's quickly searched and the shocking evidence of André's activities as a royal spy is found. Dick sees him put under arrest with death on the gallows awaiting him. First picture bottom row, Dick races back to West Point to confront Benedict Arnold. Only to find he has come too late. The traitor has fled aboard a British ship moored in the Hudson, which Dick sees sailing away. All through the colonies, there was gloom at this infamy. But the saddest of all is General Washington when he finds out his friend was a traitor to his country. He says to Dick, whom can we trust now when the soldier I loved as a brother betrays us? And then as Dick looks up on his sad general's face, the face begins to blur. Then it disappears and tired. And last picture, Dick wakes from his dream of one of the darkest days in America's history. As he sits up in bed, he thinks, but for every Benedict Arnold there's a Nathan Hale, Patrick Henry, Amalia Pitcher, and thousands and thousands more. He's become a hero because those plans that Major Andre was carrying could have shown the British how to capture West Point, which was a very important fort. That's right. Dick was a hero. I wonder if he'll have another exciting dream next week. I'm sure he will. I hope so. Oh, look, Fixed Adventures. You remember last week that the man named Smith, who tried to get away on the locomotives, would go too fast and it tipped over and he was knocked subconscious and the sheriff caught him. That's right. So it looks like Tex and Rusty are responsible for the capture of a crook. Let's see how it turns out. Very well. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. The doctor has arrived in his examining smith. The sheriff asks, would you say, Doc, has he hurt bad? The doctor replies, well, I can't tell the full extent of his injury, Sheriff. He's got to figure some way to get him out of here. The state trooper says, well, that seems to be Doc. There's a little gasoline-tracked crew car down by the telephone shack. Come on, Bill, let's go get it. At this moment, Tex speaks up. Oh, Sheriff, I realize the boy and I are still under arrest for taking that engine, but we got a very valuable racehorse tied up in the woods. How about letting Rusty go get him? The sheriff answers. Racehorse, eh? Well, I want to be reasonable. Well, you stay here, and I'll send Ling Cox to Game Warden, along with the kid. So Rusty and the Game Warden go to get Big Blaze. Rusty leads the man to where Blaze is tied up. Last picture, top roll. The warden says, Hey, my ginger, that's a fine-looking horse. Sheriff didn't steal him? Rusty replies, Steal him? Why, golly, this is Big Blaze at Milestone Farm. Tex and I work there. As they walk back toward the others, first picture, bottom roll, Rusty says, We'll have to lead him along the edge of the track. He might turn an ankle on those ties. Hey, listen, a plane. Yeah, there it is. By ginger, he must be in trouble. That's a government plane. He doesn't sound like he's in trouble. I think he's going to land somewhere. Well, there's only one place he can land. That's an emergency strip north of the creek. Yep, he's making for it all right. They watch as the plane settles to Earth like a gigantic bird and lands. Rusty'd be surprised if he knew who was getting out of the plane. Because it's Mr. Miles, who's an FBI agent. The agent says, Well, now we've got to find somebody who knows where these people are. The pilot of the plane replies, Well, I spotted a group near no return locomotive when I was circling the land. Oh, here comes a state cop. A few minutes later at the doctor's office, the state trooper brings Mr. Miles and the FBI agent into the sheriff. The trooper says, last picture, Sheriff, this is Mr. Tetley, the FBI, and Mr. Miles of Milestone Farm. Mr. Miles is the owner of that horse. The sheriff answers, Oh, then the kid and the big fella were telling the truth. I'll send for them. The doc's examining the other one in the next room. It did indeed, so it looks like the FBI agent will find out that Tex and Rusty were heroes and that they stopped that man Smith from selling secret plants to the enemy. It surely is. Now, that's all the time I have, but before I go, here's that nice man with some more interesting information. Well, honey and all of you boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, Mr. Miles. Okay, that's a date. And a date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. I'll be back to read the funnies. Do you happy boys and honey? Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.