 The makers of Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benhoff and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's spearmint while you're working, shopping, listening to your radio or doing just about anything. Wrigley's spearmint gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and the good easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. So chew Wrigley's spearmint gum often, every day, millions enjoy it, and you will too. Now, Wrigley's spearmint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama basco in Italy. Mummy, just like in Italy, the American people, they love their little kids, and they do lots of things to make them happy. You go on a movie, right-of-ways, peanuts, jelly beans, popsicles, chocolate, tuna, gum, ice cream, drinks, a candy, everything. Mummy, I think every time a kid that goes to the movies, they gain 10 pounds. And I wish you could see all the playgrounds that they got here. Playgrounds, mummy, that's the place the kids go after they break up everything in the house. Then they got to what's it called, a summer camp. It's a place where the kids spend the whole summer running, jumping, riding, swimming, hiking. It's a very good thing for children because it makes them so tired they got to sit still in a school for the rest of the year. And that's why I write to you today, mummy, because this week my school is going to have something what's it called, a bazaar. And that's for the lunches, because always in a school, they give it to kids at lunches. And this is a bazaar, we're going to try to raise $1,000 so the poor kids who go to my school in the daytime, they're going to have a free lunches all next term. Free lunches, who knows? Someday maybe they're going to give them a free breakfast, free dinner. And all the American kids, they're going to grow up for nothing. But anyway, I'm going to be very happy to do my share to help out with this bazaar. And tonight in my night school, I'm going to be the first one to buy a ticket. America, I love you. You like a papa to me. From the ocean to the sea. I tell you friends, there's nothing like a bazaar. Hot dogs, hamburgers, pancakes, ice cream sandwiches, so the papa... No, no, stop already, you're making my appendix nervous. Arsh, my fellows, we are really going to have fun at this bazaar. Arsh, sir, what else do we do at this bazaar besides eating? Let me explain, Shul. You see, Luigi, here's the way it works. We get businessmen from the neighborhoods to contribute merchandise from their stores. Then we sell it at the bazaar for carterate. And the money pays for the kids' free lunch funds. Then maybe I can give some things to sell from my antique shop, huh? I got it a better idea, Luigi. Put numbers on that old spinning wheel you got and we're going to make a fortune for the whole land. Shul, they tell me you're donating a lot of stuff from your delicatessen. Ah, yeah, 40 pounds of hot dogs, 12 rye breads, 10 zalamis, three whole corned beefs, a barrel of pig's knuckles. A whole barrel? See, when Shul gives pig's knuckles, he gives whole hearts. I'm also giving a sack of potatoes, six livers, eight balonies. Ah, Shul, sir, you're going to have to add to your whole stock. That's right. The next day we've got to run another bazaar for the benefits of Shul. I want his money, fellas. Besides, it's all deductible. Well, I'm contributing too. I gave... Quiet, gentlemen. Miss Pauling. Good evening, class. Good evening, Miss Pauling. Class, I've got a little bad news for you today. As a matter of fact, two pieces of bad news. You mean you're going to give us a big test today, Miss Pauling? Luigi, please, don't put any horrible ideas into her head. Miss Pauling, maybe you save the bad news for later and we talk of good news first. What's with the bazaar? That is the first piece of bad news, class. There will be no bazaar. No bazaar? What happened this morning? Well, to put it bluntly, we couldn't get enough things to sell. You mean the business of people don't want to chip in things? That's our shame. Some people are a lot of loon in them. Come, poops. You're afraid losing our tempers won't help us very much, class. You can't force people to give things away because the small businessman has a tough enough time without... Yeah, but if free lunches for little kids, who would say no to a thing like this? Well, it's not that they're against the idea, Mr. Basko. It's just that they're not enough merchants that want to help. We had to raise a thousand dollars. That's too bad. Some people forget their own childhood. Some people never had it in childhood. They went straight from kindergarten to the unemployment insurance line. They used to talk. If that's the way the people wanted, then we forget the bazaar and that's all. Miss Spaulding, you said there was more bad news? Well... Good evening, Miss Spaulding. Good evening, Mr. Orth. Mr. Orth, I haven't told them the bad news about the Board of Education's economy measure. Would you tell them, please? Yes. Gentlemen, since the bizarre idea has fallen through, the Board of Education has decided to supply the funds for the free lunches out of their central budget. However, in order to trim the school budget, Miss Spaulding will have to give up this night school class and teach only her day school pupils. What? These are the orders from the head of the board. Mama May, it can't be true. Mr. Orth, maybe if you talk it to this head, Bud... I'm afraid it's out of my hands now. Mr. Orth, you mean we all got to quit night school? Himalaya is ending us back to the pool rooms. Here we come to humanize the linguums. This is quite that bad, gentlemen. This class will be merged with another night school class using their regular teacher. And we lose Miss Spaulding? Ach, there ain't another teacher in the whole country who could stand me for five minutes. Not even our Miss Brookes. Mama May, what's that going to be, school without the Miss Spaulding? It won't be the same. Gone the pleasure of being kept after school. Class, we have to follow orders. Mr. Orth, if I might ask a question? Certainly. Whose class will be merged with and when do we start? It's effective immediately. And you will all go to Mr. Hine's class. Mr. Hine? The strictest teacher in Chicago. Himalaya got an education with the firing squad. Martinette, true and true. Martinette, he's a bail net. Of course. They're only choking. They are not a big mistake. I'm afraid my hands are tied, gentlemen. We'll all go to Mr. Hine's class immediately. Good night. Good night. I'm sorry, class. Not tomorrow, Dennis, Miss Spaulding. School just won't be the same. Mr. Orth, said we were to join Mr. Hine now. All right, fellas. Stand up, put your hands over your heads and follow me to Devil's Island. Silence. I caught you, Mr. Schultz. And you know the penalty for whispering in my class, don't you? Hanging. Not the next time you try it. I'll call the roll and you'll answer to your names. Sir Ambers? Here, sir. Lasco? Here. Here what? Huh? Here what? I don't hear nothing. Here, sorry. Remember that. Here, sir. Jack Wolm? Here, sir. Mr. Olsen? Here, sir. Mr. Schultz? Here. Mr. Schultz, is that the way you answered the roll call in your own class? Yeah. You never said here, sir? Ach, no, Miss Spaulding is a woman. Here, man? Ma'am, ma'am! Sounds like the successor to Al Jolzen. Yes, ma'am. Two zeros. Two new pupils, listen and listen hard. You'll find out very soon that my reputation for strictness has been well-earned. I have no patience with ignorance, with absentees, with smart alecks, and with troublemakers. I'm here to educate, and I'll educate you if I have to break you to do it. Understand? When does the next boat leave for Korea? Zeroes, Mr. Schultz? Himmel, it's like D-Day, and we got it to zero. I'm pouring you down at the principal. Does that penetrate your skull, Mr. Schultz? Yes. Yes, what? Yes, Sergeant. What? Read your books. I will give you an oral test now, and the marks will count heavily toward your final grade, so think hard. Mr. Baskow! Oh, I mean, oh, sorry. Baskow, stand up when I'm talking to you. Come on. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Clasp hands behind back. Yes, sir. Now they put the handkerchief around the eyes. Mr. Baskow, how are the powers of the government divided in the United States? Is it between the federal and the state, the governments? Do the state governments have constitutions? Yes, sir. Name the three branches in your state government. A legislative executive and a judicial. Hmm. Please, I can sit down now. Oh, don't lose it. The chair might be wired with electricity. Mr. Horwitz? I mean, oops. State legislature. Mr. Heim, please, would you mind repeating the question I forgot it? The question immediately, or take a zero. Hey, dudes of the state legislature, one day establishes the school. Correct. I guess right. Mr. Horwitz. You guessed? Certainly not. Go on. Well, the other seven dudes, I'll have to guess a little. Zero. Sit down. Thank you. Now then, let me see. Mr. Olsen, why do you have your hand raised? Mr. Heinrich, your permission. I would like to name the eight duties of the state legislature. Mr. Olsen, I never ask for volunteers. Mr. Schultz. Volunteer. Schultz, I'm fed up. Down to the principal's office for you. At what? Yes, sir. Hey, Schultz, what did the principal say to you? Ah, what good is he? He yelled at me a little. I said it wouldn't happen again. I looked at him like I meant it. And he looked at me like he knew I didn't. Tell us, it's no good. No good. We got to get Miss Paulding back. Sure, if we could only make that bizarre workout by going there. Yeah, sure. Then a board education wouldn't try to save money on Miss Paulding. But how? If people won't help out, how can we bring the bizarre back to life? I don't know, but we must. Sure, that's right. We must. Sure. Smile. Remember, where there's a will, there's a way. But I suppose we're gonna find no way. Then with Mr. Hein, we might as well all start riding out our will. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's an easy, inexpensive way to make a lot of boys and girls happy this coming Halloween. When the youngsters in your neighborhood come calling tricks or treats, give them wriggly spearmint chewing gum. Wrigley spearmint's a delicious treat that they really go for. It's wholesome and healthful, too. And at very little cost, you can have plenty on hand for every boy and girl who rings your bell. So be ready for Halloween tricks or treats. Get some packages or a box or two of wriggly spearmint chewing gum. And when the little goblins and spooks come to your door, treat them to wriggly spearmint. They'll really appreciate it. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Basko's letter to his mother in Italy. Well, Mamma Mia, I have a terrible couple of days with Mr. Hein. So far, I've got 12 zeros. Otherwise, he's got 11. Orson has only got the one. And the Schultz. Mamma Mia, he's got the no zeros. He's spent all the time in the principal's office. When we were to decide it's time we should have a meeting in my antique shop and figure out what we should do. Who orders the United Nations of North Hall Stench III? We'll begin by reading the minutes of the last meeting. What minutes? All right. That takes care of the minutes. Any new business? Business is pretty terrible today. Mr. President. I recognize the delegates from Italy. Mr. President, we call it a meeting so we could figure out how we can run the bazaar. Yeah, but before we go any further, the delegate from Sweden will list all the grievances against our common enemy, Mr. Hein. He has refused to treat us with dignity and fairness. He has robbed us of our self-respect and plundered us of our willpower by cruel, unusual and unnecessary tests. He has unduly burdened us with homework with the purpose of fatiguing us in the submission. Yes, in short, shown himself to be a tyrant and unfit to rule a free group of Americans. Thank you, Thomas Jefferson. It's signed the Declaration of Independence. Mr. President, I think we're wasting time with you, Mr. Hein. If we figure out how we can run the bazaar, then we're going to make the thousand dollars and get back to Miss Bolton. Right, but we can run the bazaar unless we get more merchandise than sellable. Sure, and we can get merchandise unless the merchants supply it. So what do you think of, Mr. President? I think I'd wait till November to let the new president take over the head. Because it is exactly for this purpose that we call this meeting, and it is for exactly this purpose that I have a solution. Well, the first thing we got to convince all the merchants in the neighborhood that the bazaar would be good for their business. Oh, sure. After eating in my delicatessen, the doctors in the neighborhood are going to be busy for me. We're going to catch up on the mustard. It's going to be on everybody's sleeves and the cleaning stores that they're going to make more money. Sure, and the shoemakers will have hundreds of shoes to sign. Yeah, we're going to start such a wave of prosperity, the inflation is going to have inflation. That's not it exactly. The main point is, if the merchants don't want to donate their merchandise, let them give it to us on consignment at wholesale prices. On consignment, you mean like I get to my merchandise, they give me now, I take my profit and pay back later, huh? Perfect. We'll have to sell more, but at least it's a way out. Horowitz, that's an excellent idea. Thank you. Here, the bazaars are going to be a success. Yeah, wonderful. And I am still giving my food for nothing on consignment. And a consignment of finatini? Sure, so where are you going? It means you can take the food now and have the heartburn later. Hello, Graham, this is Horowitz. I'm calling about the bazaar. Look, we don't want your shoes for nothing, but could you let us have maybe about 50 pairs of shoes, wholesale on consignment? Wonderful. No, no, don't send them. I'll be over in 10 minutes with an empty push cart. Mr. Morton, if you would let us sell some of your dresses at wholesale, that might build up a lot of good will for you in the neighborhood. Well... Good! Your heart's spoken like a true blue, yanky new woman. Listen, Sam, it's for the bazaar. Sure it's going on. I want 300 dollars of your best toys. Unconsignment wholesale. What? We can get a 10% below cost. That's wonderful. Sam, in your honor, I'm going to name the best dish in my delicatessen after you. French fried pinkus. The way you stop talking, I think the whole thing is a waste of time. Pascale, you mean you don't think the kids should have free lunches? I say skipping the lunches, letting me the heavy suppers. You can't have to mean this, you or Papa, yourself. Sure, I'm only teasing you little banana noses. You tell me what you want from my restaurant for this bazaar, and you've got it, the free of charge. Free of? Pascale, you're wonderful. Just do me one little favor, Louise. Little favor? What little favor? This bazaar is going to have a kitchen boat. Sure. And you ain't got a girl for it yet. No. Let me talk about it later. Then you're going to supply all the spaghetti, huh? Dough, oil, a little cabbage, a portion. Not only spaghetti, but I'm going to supply enough of meatballs at the kill-off of the whole city. What a rich, huh? Well, your idea was a wonderful idea, but that's a big success. Ain't it a wonderful bazaar, Louise? Today, the people are buying. We should make way over a thousand dollars. Not only our neighborhood, but people from miles around have come here. What are you doing about a delicatessen stand? Me and myself, Luigi, I ate so much of Chilz's salami, you could tie a rope around my neck and hang me up in the window. Man, man, look at her crying down his bushes. Luigi, how about work? These workshops are cleaning me out. Three more liverware sandwiches, please. Yeah, ladies, coming up. Plenty of mustard. We like mustard. Yeah, all right, yes. Please, more mustard. Look, lady, here's a whole jar jumping. Might be happy. Enjoy the bazaar, ladies. Are you making us good, Heschelts? You think we'll make the thousand dollars tonight, Schultz? Ah, it's in the bag. You know, I spoke to Olsen before. He's in the dress department. And he says they got such wonderful bargains there, one little woman bought up $50 worth. Olsen must be happy, huh? Ah, no, the little woman wants Mrs. Olsen. I sold out all the best. Oh, that's good. Wonderful. You're in it. Good. My wife has only one size. Well, you'll excuse me, people. I gotta find Mrs. Horowitz somewhere in the crowd. Oh, I saw her trying on a few pairs of shoes at the shoe counter. A few pairs? She must have grown ten more feet since I left her. Oh, look, Miss Folding. Isn't it wonderful? Are you having a nice time, Miss Folding? Yes, marvelous. I bet you were a little surprised how we swung into action, huh? I'm very proud of all of you. How's Mr. High in treating you? Fetcher, should we take off our shirts and show the marks? Miss Folding, we gotta get you back with the class. And are we gonna do it tonight? Yes, we're gonna do it. Hey, hey, hey! You sold all your spaghetti? Almost. I put a rose in the charge, and in the last half hour, I've been playing some game where you throw baseballs. They're gonna keep me down, I won. Must be worth at least five dollars. And how much is it cost you to win at the Pascale? Eighteen dollars, I guess. Who cares? It's for the little kids. That's right. There's nothing that's too good for the little kids at Pascale. Hey, hey, hey! There's a Russia. A Russia! Come over here, my little ride, Chris. Come over here. What's the money? What money? What? Nineteen hundred and ninety-six dollars. Ninety-seven dollars. Ninety-eight dollars. Ninety-nine. And I put in four cents, and we got it. Two thousand dollars. Enough free lunch to stuff every kid in Chicago. Hey! Friends, we did it, and we did it, and we saved it. Just a minute, gentlemen. What's wrong, Olsen? We bought the goods on consignment. Huh? We only got a third of that money. Quick, Olsen, Olsen, figure it out. I'm sorry to say, there's one thousand two hundred and thirty-three dollars for them, and six hundred and sixty-seven for us. And we still need three hundred and thirty-three dollars to make a thousand. Well, friends, what that means? That means we failed. Yeah. Back we go to solitary confinement with Mr. Hein. First question. You have twenty causes and twenty results of the Revolutionary War. Mr. Schultz. That's what it is. Who's he? Well, the one... Don't stammer. Do you know or don't you know? I'll give you five seconds for the answer. Only five seconds? They give you more time than that on any quiz program. Sit up. Mummy, I'm an extra. All right, Mr... Good evening, gentlemen. Hello. Miss Balding and the principal. Mr. Hein, may I interrupt for a moment? Certainly, Mr. Oath. Class, I have wonderful news for you. Miss Balding and I told the Board of Education of your efforts to raise the free lunch money. They were so impressed, they decided to add the extra money and permit you to stay in your old class with Miss Balding. Well, Mr. Oath, we certainly have to thank the Board of Education. First, thank yourselves. After all, the Board of Education is, well, a hand. But you citizens are the arm that controls that hand. Mr. Oath, you know, it's again a good lesson I'm learned about America. The people, if they want to, can change anything they don't like. Sometimes it's a hard, but if they try, they're gonna. A perfect answer, Mr. Basko. Isn't that so, Mr. Hein? Hmm. Mr. Oath, would you say that Mr. Basko deserves a hundred percent for his answer? I would say so. Wouldn't you, Miss Balding? Yes. Wouldn't you, Mr. Hein? Hmm. Yes? All right, Mr. Zearo, don't stand there. Make with the Benzo. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum is an ideal taste treat to give your family after meals and between meals. It isn't rich or filling, yet it has lots of delicious flavor in it to satisfy the taste. Besides, you know, chewing Wrigley's Spear Mint Gums have pleasant aid to digestion and helps keep the teeth bright and attractive. So keep plenty of Wrigley's Spear Mint handy in your home at all times and pass it around often. And remember to get an extra supply of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum for Halloween. Youngsters love it, and they'll really thank you for giving them sticks or packages of Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum when they come calling tricks or treats. That's Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum. Healthful, refreshing, delicious. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at the same time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mack Benoff and Lou Durman and directed by Mr. Benoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hunter Conrad as Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, K. S. Horowitz, Ken Peters as Goldsons with Herb Butterfield, Earl Ross and Jerry Nelson. Music is under the direction of Lud Gluston, Charles Lyons speaking. This is the CBS Radio Network.