 Is it still illegal if they can't feel you feeling them up? Paraplegic. We could feel our paraplegics. Are we live, man? Yeah, we're live. And how many? That is so true, dude. I'm just getting the numbers in. They're coming in slow, but it's looking like about 33. Okay, wow. Wow. There's a drop off. They're coming in slow. Honestly. Let's start with a little cat on the back. That's fucking insane. That's what that is. What was it? I don't know. I don't know. What are we going to do? What happened? What was it? Man, it's episode number 30. There's only 10 episodes left, everyone. Don't bother liking the video. I'm not going to ask you to comment. Just enjoy the freaks. Yeah, we're doing it different now. Yeah, look, I'm not going to... Look at it. It looks like a suit. His name is Sue. It's a Susan, yeah. Sue Allen. I've grown my hair into an afro and... It's not being received well. No, it's not at all. Okay. All right. What's happened to us? Well, I'll tell you what's happened to us. It's not at all. It's not at all. It's not at all. It's not at all. It's not at all. It's not at all. Well, I'll tell you what's happened to us. Our meeting with the Lord Mayor has been postponed. We had a meeting with the Lord Mayor. Who meant to fully forgot about it? We're meant to go this Friday. We're meant to have a meeting with the Lord Mayor. We fully did. I do remember you talking about this. What happened? Oh, they just emailed and said, oh, something's come up, but they're going to reschedule. So hopefully... I don't know what we're going to do. I reckon we pitched the whole starvation, solving starvation and shit. What, and showing him our corn chip video. No, we tell him. Like, we explain it with, like, go through, like, theories on, like, a fucking patio thing. Yeah, and we think that we, that Brisbane needs something like a marketing budget to start telling people about this. Yeah. And like, no, we tell them that we think we're going to put Brisbane on the map because of this. And we want funding. And then we'll hold up a map of, like, America. And they say, Brisbane's not on here, man. And then we'll hold up a Brisbane, a map of Australia. And then Brisbane, I will say, look, there's Brisbane. If we do what we can do. We can get it on the map. We can get it on the map. We can get it on the map. Holy shit. Get a chart, big chart made up. I'm like, he won't take it seriously, but we could get some content out of it. Yeah, yeah. You might have, Julian's come on a film in the whole shebang, cunt. And you can't swear in front of me. We'll be gentlemen. We'll probably wear suits. We'll be gentlemen and suits. We'll be gentlemen and suits. Scholars, I'll have you know that I am an upper class standing man. Yeah, standing. You already swore. What happened on the weekend? What do we do? I went to the beach. Sorry. I played golf. You bold. Oh, yeah. That's right. A bit of a family weekend with Mononesta. Will you just excuse me for one second, boys? It's got something to do real quick. Yes. Yeah, here we go. Yeah, nice and calm. Oh, yeah. Nice and calm this time around. Susan's calm. My life. My life. My life. Speak to me, my baby. Speaking to me, my baby darling. Speak to me, my baby darling. It's been quite a good start. Baby! We're autistic or something. He's standing up. You're being standing up. You're standing up! I'll see you ahead. You're being stand up, bitch. I heard that it's healthier for you to stand in the office. Oh man, that was true. That was a good start. I want to call you Susan. This fucking podcast. Yeah, I'll allow it. Susan! Susan the Frog. Oh, yeah! No, no, no, don't add that. Don't add the frog pin. But, um, yeah, we've just been filming. Nothing exciting has happened. Has it? I'm trying to think. What did we film last week? We've been pranking each other a bit. We've been fucking... We shot each other today with gel balls. With the blindfolded gel blaster video. That's what we filmed today, Matt. Okay. And guess what? What? Do you want to get shot with one? Yeah. They're... Yeah, go on. You get the gun. Are they loaded? I don't know. I think we emptied the chamber. So, it's quite painful, right? It's like a fucking... It's like, yeah, like half of a painful, roughly. I think it's empty, but you can show it. Bring me that tub. And blind... We were blindfolded, right? So, we'll shoot each other. Anyway, it's on the website. It's too fucked for social media, unfortunately. But, um, yeah, it's fucking... It's good shit, man, which brings us to our sponsors. Nah, fuck it. You're right, man. Fuck the sponsors this episode. All right? Wait, if you're watching this man's gate, if you send that money through, everyone fucking knows who sponsors this show. We don't need to say it every fucking week. Father's Day specials and shit. They got, like, fucking ball deodorant. Who does that? Who makes that? Manscaped, the sponsor of this podcast. So, good on them for doing that. Thank you for giving us a little bit of money. And, of course, the subscription website where we post our lives. A half-hour episode of our lives every Sunday. A huge episode comes out behind the scenes. Videos we can't film anywhere else. Like, video with this gun that Michael's about to shoot Matt with. Can we shoot you on the top of the head? Oh! Oh, my God! Holy fuck, balls can't... Oh, dude, it feels good. I'm sorry, but that felt good. One on the top of the head. Go. You gotta come into frame. Oh, shit. Oh, I did sting a little, though. Anyway, Matt, how was your day at work? So, I'm at work. And I work with a girl named Larissa. And she goes to me today, I watch one of your podcasts. Oh, yes! Yes! Yes, I'm excited for this. So, I got a little excited because somebody watched it and came to tell me... Man, because a girl was talking to you, right? It's a diary entry. She followed that up with... Because I asked her which one did you watch and she followed up with the one where you make out that you're a stalker. There's heaps! There's heaps in the hoots. It's like all of them. What did she mean with question? No, I don't know. The one where I'm a stalker, I just sat back down. But she would have been like, she gets it. She knows it's comedy. Yeah, she understood. She's got a good sense of humour. What did she say after that? Did she laugh and say, Oh, it's very good. Yeah, we had a little giggle and I spoke about other things. That brings me to the next topic. Oh, no. Matthew, since that happened, you are the employee of the week. Give yourself a hug in the back, mate. You're the funniest stalker I have ever seen. Come and have a look at that. Holy shit, man. This is thanks to Nikki and Sabrina. And we'll put this right here, Matt. You can look at that and people can see your award. That's a trophy. You have a trophy. So that's what happens if... If you do well. You get approached by your workmates. And they make fun of you for being a stalker. That's what you get. You lucky duck. Fuck, man. Yeah, that sucks. It's beautiful. Yeah, let's be real. It's pretty good. But we've entered... As you all know, we mentioned last year, we're trying to enter the podcast. We're starting to think, let's not even bother with the main categories. Let's just stick to listeners' choice. That's open to the public. You guys know when those lines are open. But if you could psychologically prepare yourselves to vote for us, that'll be safe. Last time it was you need to log in and cast your vote with your email address. Oh, really? We did well, though, last year. Last year, I think we sent a personal message to every single person who voted for us. So we'll do that again. That'll be a fucking big ol' day. I'll even jump in on that. Yeah. Yes? Oh, we bought a van. That's something else that's happened. Yeah, man. That fucking massive... That van out the front. We got that yet. We bought that last week. It's the nicest thing we've ever bought. We spoke about this, haven't we? Yeah, we mentioned they bought a van the other day. No, not on the podcast. I haven't even shown you did. Because we bought it last week. Tuesday. So we must have spoken about it. We're still wrapped about it, guys. Yeah, and we're going to get it wrapped in shit. It's a fucking... it works. Everything in there works. You have to take care of it, though. Bluetooth blows my mind. I've never had it. It's so exciting. I can put my Spotify playlist on. It's got a screen you can push buttons on. It's sick, dude, seriously. Yeah, you've got it in your... It's got a reverse camera as well. So I don't need to twist my neck around anymore, man. My neck is already so much worse. On the side mirrors, you press a button and they move. You don't have to fucking pull your window down. So it's a good van. Cars have had this for a long time. Yeah, I know. That's what I mean. We've never had something nice. Yeah, we've never had a nice car. And it's all thanks mostly to the website members. So fucking legends, thank you for supporting us. And now we have a van. We can carry all your stuff. We can do some cool shit. We can put film crews and film gear and go drive fine aliens. We're going to find aliens, dude. Oh, yes. I fished it. Oh, wait. Any diary entries? Oh, yeah. Let me tell you. Just think about the effect of my life, though. Before we go into diary entries, what do we got coming this episode? We got questions. We got fucking... We got stuff to explain. Explanations. Oh, I'm excited for that. And fucking... We don't have any PO unboxing shit. Bye-bye. And then prank call at the end. I'm going to fucking prank call Qonus. Tell him I need to put a pig on a plane. ASAP, cunt. I'm excited for that. Anyway, let's get through these diary entries. All right, everyone. I hope everyone is feeling very well out there. Diary entry number 137 from Michael Corrie Bookhouse. I've decided to let flies be. If a fly lands on me now, I just let it crawl around. The other day I had about 14 flies crawling around my bare back and arms. It felt like I was getting a back tickle from a girlfriend. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm attracted to flies. I place flies in the opening of my doodle, and the buzzing vibrations of the fly trying to escape makes me come sometimes. Just be more be. It's the only way to be. And that's quite a heartfelt diary entry. You get me, man. You fucking get me. Diary entry number 106 from Mum. Mum says TV is bad for you, so we don't have one. And look out of our only window instead. It's a view of the neighbor's wall, and today was a really good episode of our neighbor's wall, because while I was watching, I saw a spider. I got to watch out of the window for half an hour before Mum closed the window, because it was getting cold. I can't wait until tomorrow when I can look out the window again. It was a pretty good day. Oh, wow. I remember the old window instead of TV, fucking hell. That would be the shitest. There were some rough weeks there, because nothing would really, it was just sort of a view of like the neighbor's wall, which was like a metre and a half away from us. So it really wasn't much of a view, but sometimes we got lucky and like, yeah, sort of spider or like an animal scutter across. Gecko. That was actually really exciting times, yeah. The geckos? Yeah, in summer, let me tell you, mate. Lots of geckos. Yeah, yeah, lots of geckos. Matt's standing up and looking at the camera. And he's looking at me confused. His brow is like this, like burrowed down a bit. And he's squinting his eyes and he's thinking. He's walked back to his chair. He's walked past his laptop. Now he's at the light. He's just adjusting the light right now. He's being producer stuff, twisting it around, like moving it closer back to his laptop. And now he's still sort of fucking around with it. Now he's back to the phone. He's still got the same confused look on his face. Hands in his pockets. Hands in his pocket now. So it's like it's complete nut of confusion. And he's sort of thinking, yeah, maybe, maybe I should. Are you okay? Actually, I'm going to sit back down. Anyway, Dyer entering number 69 from Julian James, Tennyson Woods from Ashgrove, 4060 till I die. Today, I'll practice my finger on some roadkill off hand. Chicks love it when you can, finger heaps good. So I always practice at least once a week. My finger muscles are so strong now that I can finger blast the whole room full of roadkill and still have energy left to toss myself. Best way to fuck a chick is to finger blast a rock melon in front of them to show them your finger strength. Trust me, cunt. Our finger heaps are sluts. On our curse, a stab, push, curse, a stab, stab, stab. Stand up, cunt. Stab, stab, bop it. Yes! Yes, dude! He does a lot of cursor. You know his cursor? Oh, fuck. Did you know that? Very good one. Did you know that, Matt? Yeah. All right, well, here's your fucking diary entry, mate. Diary entry number 10074 from Matthew Gregory Brown. I have to lower my demeanor. Oh, no. It was a warm, humid November evening, and there were sticky-tapping ice cubes to my nipples and shaving my legs. I heard a knock on the door and popped a turtleneck singlet on. My pizza must have arrived. I opened the door and immediately hear my testicles start growling. It was a female delivery driver. I had never seen one before. She was morbidly obese and had a small amount of facial hair. But this particular beast intrigued me. $20.50, please. She struggled to speak after the walk from her car to my door. I felt her hot breath pummel into my face and my pupils turned into an erection shape. I handed her $30 and her fat fingers pecked at my hand while she picked up the coins. As her clammy, soft fingers pressed into my hand, I could smell my little brown swelling with hot mints. Keep the change, I said, through gritted teeth. I was fighting hard to suppress my urge to lunge at this creature and dismantle her with heavy petting then cripple her with long, hard fuck thrusts. She noticed the strain in my voice and saw my stiff little brown biting small chunks of flesh out of my upper thighs. She looked a little scared and started backing away. I screamed at her as loudly as I could. She turned and started running to the car. I came. She fumbled for her keys and she was crying. I could have so easily caught her but hot mints was already gushing down my legs, stripping my remaining leg hair and melting parts of my skin. Thank you! I waved as she sped off, still crying. Although I made her uncomfortable, I'm proud of myself for not acting on my urge. I feel like maybe I could control this one day. Wow, that must have been when you were starting to realise that maybe you didn't have to live a life like that anymore. Wow, that's like a pretty monumental diary entry. Oh man. In fact, like... Oh fuck! I seriously thought you can't stand up like that. A sustaining ovation. I thought you were fighting. Upon self-reflection, he's realising that he can control it. I'm fighting back like tears right now. It's like pretty... Wow. Anyway, good on you, Matt. Fucking hell. I think you've realised it. Yeah, anyway. Moving on. God. Sorry. Next segment. Next segment has been renamed to... And this is a segment where we answer your questions. Now, if you want your question answered, just comment your question on the Muddy Michael fully actual YouTube channel. The questions with the most likes are at the top. They're the ones we read first. So comment whatever question you want us to answer and then have a scroll through and like some of the comments that you want us to answer as well. It's like engaging. Oh man. It is like creating a small community and just whipping them all and saying, do this, do this. Maybe. What's... Oh yeah. What's going on? Who? Who is that? Matthew Brown. Matthew Brown. Matthew Brownstab. Top questions from Dan Jones. Marty and Michael, what's the worst thing you've ever done to each other that you felt guilty afterwards? Interesting. We've answered a similar question to this, but upon reflecting, I did feel a little bit bad. The billboard, the prank, the billboard prank. Waste of money. Well A, because yeah, I was spending like both of our money without any, he had no idea about it. And it was a shit timing too because like no one even saw the billboards because lockdown happened bloody a week after we fucking put them up. So no one's on the fucking streets. And rotation. They rotate through like 10 different things. Yeah. So I felt a bit bad. Julian would have hurt my feelings by saying I haven't seen it once. Can't say that to me. Yeah. And he drove around looking for them and it'd be like, yeah, it'd be hard to find them. So a bit of a waste of money, but we got like an okay view out of that. So, sorry man. Michael, do you have anything? I reckon. Do you ever feel guilty? I reckon like after, after like a fair few times of pissing your bed, I started to feel a bit pretty bad. What about the first few times you pissed the bed? Yeah. Well, yeah, true. All of them. What really? Even the first one? You were laughing profusely. What happened the first time? Do you remember the first one? I don't remember the first one. Oh, I remember the first time. No, no. The first one. The first one. I remember the one where you fucking passed out in Aurora and I was banging on the door for about half an hour screaming. That one was bad. And then he had put a nappy on because he knew he was going to piss himself. But the nappies, adult nappies don't do shit if you're a fucking, if you have got a bladder full of piss and just overflowed and just, just fucked the whole bed. And after half an hour of slamming on the door, she finally woke up. All the neighbors were coming out of their homes. Is everything all right? Yeah, it's fine. My only, I've actually been pretty lucky with Michael, but one time we were at a person's house and I was sleeping on the couch and Michael was still roaming around in the early hours while everyone was sleeping. He does that. And he's, and he's wearing, we were in the pool I think and so he's wearing nothing but a towel. And he, and I got woken by him sitting on my feet. Like he came and just sat down on my feet thinking I was just sitting on the couch, but I was actually asleep on the couch. And he has no clue. He was out of his mind. And then I looked up and he had gotten comfortable and his towel had opened up and it was just completely naked in front of me with it aiming at me. And I knew, I knew. That's me for trying to sneak my way in. But I did say knew that he was going to piss himself. So I was like, I've got to get out of here. And I remember going to like another couch in another room. I slept there and you ended up pissing a very expensive couch. I know that person. Yeah, you know exactly. Famous person. Yeah. Oh. And they actually took it pretty well. Yeah. She was so chill. Yeah. She was right about it. But yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. The first time, but I must say good friends because they have always been the water under the bridge. Piss under the rug. He's under the mattress couch. He's under the mattress couch. He's under the rug in the end of the day. All right. Next question is from Steven Hunt, The Hunt. If there is a movie made about Matt Brown and Quessen, which actors would you boys choose to play the roles of Quessen and Matt? I'd be, if we had to play Quessen or Matt. No. Which actors would you choose to play me and Quessen? Would you to be Quessen? I can't be Quessen. I, Michael could do a pretty good Matt. Do Matt. He did nothing. It's difficult. It's difficult. You do Michael, Matt. Me do Michael. What is your impersonation of Michael? Fuck. That's pretty good. No. Just more cackle. Yeah. It happened to me just now. I thought, I'll try to think of something. I thought of something funny. Laughed and then I was like, it's too good. It's too hard. It's difficult. I can do his Laugh. Laugh. The Wii's Laugh. Yeah, maybe that. Fucking disgusting. Anyway. Sorry about that. What are you doing? Next question. Next question. Next question. All right. This is a great question. This one is from Rob Woodward. Would you rather be attacked by a horse-sized duck or a thousand duck-sized horses? This has been said a lot. Has it? A thousand duck-sized horses. I've never heard this. Sorry. Because a horse-sized duck. You've ruined that question. You fucked. A horse-sized duck would fucking kill you. You can't get its beak around you and it would fucking snap your ribcage and shit. No, you could punch it in the neck and it would hurt. Dude, it's the size of a horse, man. You could hit it in the neck. I think about, no, man. I reckon it would fucking think your food or something. Think of a rat. Yeah, the beak. We're like a rat-sized compared to that. Yeah, that'd be fucking... You could get like a shovel and snap its leg. Yeah, but like imagine a thousand fucking... What is it? A thousand horses? A thousand of them, one's going to attack a little bit of you and then it's going to distract you. Then the other one hits you in the head. You're going to get blown from heaps of other spots. You're going to get trampled high. A horse is like, what are they going to do? Let them surround me and then what? What are they going to... Small little horses try and bite me? Just crush them one by one. Dude, they're like little dogs. A thousand of them will overcome you like this. No way. I'd back myself against a thousand duck-sized horses. I'd take the weird fucking... Because horses can't pigeon thing. The only thing horses have is their size. They can kick. If you take away their size, they have nothing that can kill you. A horse wouldn't even run up and start biting. So horses don't do that. I feel like if I was paid a fair bit of money, I'd feel confident enough to fight a horse-sized duck. As long as I'm a louder weapon, like a shovel or something. Yeah. Although... Let's tee these up. Or what about their little beaks? I'm sorry, their little feet? Their little sharp feet? I see these horses don't have sharp feet. I feel one little kick from a... I'll fucking dress up as a fucking horse-sized duck. Right? And I'll cut myself up. And you see if... A thousand pieces. If you beat that. Throw me at you. Yeah. Right? We'll do an experiment on it. Yeah. Right? We'll do that one tomorrow, mate. Right. Let's see what happens. Did you guys watch the Jake Paul and the fucking Thing Fight, by the way? Oh, someone did ask something about that. Yeah, fucking... I'll see if I can get to it. He keeps, like, Woodley... I don't know. I put some money on Jake Paul to win. Because it's like he keeps picking these dudes. A UFC fight. It's a completely different sport. He'd be like us playing the best badminton player ever in tennis. I feel like I would probably fucking win. Because it's two different sports. And he's only, you know, he was a good puncher even though he's a wrestler, but... Yeah, I don't know. And he hasn't won for three years. He's nearly 40 years old. He's fucking much smaller, naturally, than Jake Paul is. It's like, yeah, a very bad matchup for Woodley. But I guess he's doing it for the fucking cash. Julian was wrong. Happy. Brown? Next question is from Oliver Rosen. From the UK, I love you guys. If you could be a type of parasite that's not a ringworm, what would it be? Tapeworm? Easy question. I'd be a fucking tapeworm, man. You sit in the guts. I'd be a beast. Imagine being a nit of, like, a really hot... Or a flea head. Yeah, that's true. Or a flea or a tick. A tick you could try and kill someone. That could be fun. And fleas, you're like... I feel like fleas and ticks and shit. They just get rid of them real quick. If you're a nit, you know, you're a nit for a day and then until your host realises, shit, I got nits and then they poison you. At least with the tapeworm, you can stay in the tummy and you can grow your whole life, cunt. People, yeah, we've probably got tapeworms. 100%, man. How do you check for tapeworms? You can't check. You can take medication. Everyone should, apparently. Mon's fucking whole family gets dewormed all the time. Fuck. Let's do that. Surely you'd be able to do a test of some kind. You'd probably have to check your stool or something. Oh, have you seen the videos of the big, long fucking things? Tape and then fucking warm around coming out of the art hall and then you try and rip them back out, but they just get stuck because they got little hooks on them. Oh, I did see... Little hooks. Yeah, little hooks, they hook them into your colon. You can't pull them out. You can only rip them in half and then the upper half grows another head and then they continue to grow, leaving you forever. Fuckin' parasites are forever. I did see one where a guy, I think, I feel like it was somewhere in Africa and the guy had a really bad foot. He could barely walk anymore and the tapeworms had gone down into the bottom of his foot and died and in, I don't know, started just causing pain to his foot. What about those botflies or whatever you call them? Oh, yeah, they're out of... Oh, I don't want to do that. They fucking... They ride, right? They fucking pop out. Pop out. Yeah, you got to give them a tweezers and pull out there. It's not on. Sacks. It's not right. Yeah, that is not a good animal, man. I've seen people have them in their heads. That's your fucking weird fly thing in your head. Where are those botflies? We'll sort that out. Some sort of Africa, right? No, it'd be like South America or something in there. But yeah, maybe we should start getting dewormed. I've been... I'm probably going to just take the medication for it. Whenever you go to kill it, tell me and I'm coming. Until you get it next time? I don't know. I'll have to find out. Yeah, can you ask that? Yeah, but you... This question is from Lyndon Arkel. What is the estimated total worth... What do you think is the estimated total worth of the fully actual wig collection? There must be at least 20 wigs there. Each valued at $50. So $1,000. Dude, that's crazy, man. Holy shit. We should start signing them and sell them on our only fans, which hasn't started yet. But we've got... We've got company. We have finally got a hold of someone and they have given us a more clear direction of what to do. And they have said to take a photo of all three of us in the same photo. So we just did that before. So hopefully by this time next week we've fucking got our only fans. I want to see that little brown cunt. Next question is from Matt. I have a question for Marty and Michael. What is it like collaborating with Jackson? Is he gross? Is he mature? Is he a lot of fun? Say he's mature. He's as fucking immature as we are. Yeah, there's some fun times. It's like children hanging out. It's like children hanging out. They would drive past the school, look on the playground, see how they play. That's what it is hanging out with when we hang out with Jackson. It's all us playing on playgrounds. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's just it's fucking... Yeah, of course. Next question is from Rebskell. He's asked this so many times and I've ignored it so many times. He just wants to know what time it is. The time right now is circular. And it's a something that has no beginning and no end. And the time is also like 6.30. All right. Next question is from... I can't say this one either. Dumas Barilis. Wow, you've butchered that name. Sorry, I'm so sorry. That is how offensive. Hey, at least I tried. Would you rather know when or how you die? So when you die or how you die? This question was asked on a Shammy's uncut podcast and the boys couldn't come to an answer. I'd say how? Because you might be able to change it. Well, if you know when you're going to die, you're going to know how eventually because as you're leading up to it, say if it's like that day and you're at a ski resort, you're probably going to die. Yeah, the night before is going to be... Yeah, so like wherever you are, you're going to die. And so you probably want to be like in a room with pillows everywhere like padding on the walls and a straight jacket. Depending on how you die, of course, but you don't know how you die. But you don't know how you're in a room with padding. Would you rather know when or how? I would just rather know how and then whatever the how is, just steer away from you. But if you know when, you can prepare everyone around you. Yeah, I know. Dude, I'd be checking that clock non-stop. I'd let everyone know if everyone's aware of it. I've got 40 years left and 30 days. Imagine if you found out you had like 60 years left. I would just start putting holes in the walls. And then it adjusted as you went on? What if you had 60 minutes left? Too many holes in the walls. Imagine checking and they're like, oh, you've got 60 minutes and the reason that you fucking die is because you found out how long you have left. You would have lived a long, happy life. But seeing 60 minutes has given you a fucking heart attack, huh? Yeah. What if we had 60 seconds? Oh, I'd start just fucking you. Yeah, I'd probably just do some weird shit there. Yeah. I've got some very strange things. I'd sprint across the road and enter that house. I'd try and rip my dick off. In the neighbor's house. Rip the dick off in the neighbor's house. That's what we would do if we had 60 seconds left. Imagine seeing that. And then just doing that for 40 seconds and if you fail, just pull out these scissors and just snip it off. That's better and then death. Oh, good question. Fuck. Yeah, I'd fully run to the neighbors house. Such freedom. Such freedom knowing there are no consequences to your behaviors. Run in with a gel blast, right? Fucking light up their kids if they had any. The kids in the face. Fucking hose gun. And if they put their hands up, I'd run over to them and pull their hands away and keep shooting their face. Like stand, put their hands on the ground and stand one foot on each hand and standing over them and just pulling my hair and shooting her in the face. Just in one spot where the eyes are. They get tired of closing their eyes and starts coming through their eyelids. Yeah, through the eyelid, cunt. That's what I fucking do, cunt. You come after me, cunt. I'm taking cunts with me. You are fucking crazy, dude. I'm taking them with me. That's all I'd keep screaming. Anyway, next questions. Next question is from Ann. A bit of a random one, but what kind of music are you guys into? I think we've answered this one before, too. Yeah, I tried to think, but I couldn't. Old school sort of rock type shit. 90s, 2000s. Yeah, all the new artists and shit. Like Jillian's always talking about these new rappers and she and I literally just have never even heard of them. So that's how old we are now, but also because the type of music has changed so much. The new music doesn't really... There's a few artists, obviously. There's some cool sounding stuff, but... Yeah, I agree. Old school. Old rock. Bon Jovi, man. Bon Jovi and the Veronica's. Yeah. Next question is from Ollie Boy. Man, boys, fuck, marry or kill Matt Bosley Queston. Kill Queston? Yeah, kill Queston, I would. I'd fuck Matt. I'd have to fuck Matt because I know that he would survive and we could just get past that and just turn him around and say, look, Matt, I had to do that. I can't fuck Bosley. We sorted out like Matt. Oh, Bosley, you couldn't explain to Bos. Yeah, no way. He's asshole is much smaller than Matthew's asshole. Matt's asshole is... He relaxes. It's like the size of a tennis ball. Yeah. So you could really just go to town on Matt. I bet like... Yeah, it's possible. Where's some VR headphones? If it was a different dog, you'd probably go the different dog. Oh, yeah, if it's not Bosley. No, I couldn't do a dog. I prefer to do Matt over a... I just can't. But it's bare... Bare, bare, hurting... ...hanging out with Matt. Yeah, you can fucking... If it was just a stray dog... You can explain it to Matt, you know? You'll never see that stray dog again. Then you've got Matt, you'd never fuck him. You get a stray dog. You get all sorts of diseases, mate. Smiling and giggling at you every time you bring it up? It's a clean dog. And then you don't have to fuck your friend. I don't think the dog would be like... Like, I just wouldn't be able to do it. And come. I wouldn't be able to come. I'd be able to come from fucking Matt. What about the dog's dead? If the dog was dead, then yeah, I could do it, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's cool. But if Matt and the dog were both dead, I'd still fuck Matt's corpse. Like, I want to fuck Matt. Pretty bad. I like the way you said that. Like, I want to fuck Matt. Very good. Very worried. Very, very worried. Very good. Just fired this one off really quick. Gopreet asked what happened to the golly bottle. A lot of people have actually asked that. Oh, really? It is still here, though. Yeah, the golly bottle is still here, festering in the corner. It's full. Full to the brim. What do I do without that? It's not all chunks. I've got to sift it out. We lost viewership over the golly bottle. We've sort of found the line of gross. Because the people who watch our shit have a very high tolerance to gross shit. And this, still, even those people, divided people, it was like, this is hard. And it is. Even just thinking about it makes that gaggy feeling start coming in the back of my throat like a train about to thunder through my backyard. I miss it now talking about it. Yeah, the way it dances was pretty spectacular. I tell people that it whispers to you while you sleep. Yeah, well, it fizzes. You know, when you open a soda water bottle, it fizzes now. There's gas in it. It's like... It's a new universe. Yeah, man. All right. Well, maybe we'll open it up later. Maybe we should do that thing where you pour some of it into the pan and you boil it down until it's a paste. I'll do that for a video for the UOM. Oh, man. We'd have to hire someone else to film that. Julian wouldn't be able to film that. Fuck. I'll try. But I'd vomit probably. Oh, it'd be so interesting. Although, I filmed a bit of the vomit and had to leave. Golly butter. Golly butter. Okay. All right. Next question is from Jim Rex. Jim, show it. No, we're not getting it out. Because things will start getting out of hand. Hey, hey. Just before you continue. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I've just got something that I want to ask. Oh, yeah. Ask. Ask away. Ask away, mate. You demon. Lee. What's happened to your leg? Oh. I like that. I like that. The comment. I put it down. I'm sorry. Do you hold that fucking mic right where my ass holds? Yeah. Fuck's sake. Just hold it like close. I think we've brought that up. Yeah. People have commented on it, too. I just want maximum volume. It's important to me. It's important to me that there's not shit on my lips. All right. I'll keep it like minimum. Maybe off to the side or something. I'll on my way. See, like this. Look, I'm talking where my mouth is. So I won't spray on to it. Yeah. I won't spray directly on to it. Well, I think that's sort of what I've been doing. Okay. Next question is from Jirex. Jirex. Bit of a dark question, but if one of you guys, and this includes Matt, too, if one of you guys died doing a stunt, what would your words be on your grave? This is obviously inspired by Michael's Be More Bee on his gravestone. What would you want on your gravestone? Don't buy the hype. Yours is already Be More Bee. You have no choice. It's legally binding, man. You have to get that. All right. Here you go. I'd probably get help. I'm still alive. Yeah. I was thinking that, no. Or what else? Maybe like fuck off. Yeah. Or like fucking, he lies. He lies? He lies here. Here comma lies. Just here. You know how they have here lies, bloody David, whatever. Mine is here comma lies. Your name's comma? No, there's lies here. Like lies in the ring being dishonest. Oh. It changes the meaning of the lie. You see? Wow. Yeah. So that's cool. It's an art form. Very English. It's very English and brown. Next question is from Swampbox69. This is probably more of an Aussie question. But which shop do people prefer? Coles, Woolies or Aldi? They are all supermarkets. I like Coles because Coles, I connect with the way that they categorize their food. Their layout? Yeah. Yeah. Like sometimes Woolies you'll have, you'll be in the fucking like fruit section and there won't be a fruit there. It'll be like in some other weird fucking section that you don't even. In the meat section. Yeah. It's like fucking get your shit together Woolies. There's shit all over the place. It's just someone's just come in and thrown food around and there's no rhyme or reason to it. I find myself asking the employees every time I go there where something is. And it's not right to do that to people. And the consumer, my feelings. I reckon Coles too. I used to work at Woolworth's and fuck that place. Yeah. Used to work there too. I always find that Woolies does get sometimes a better quality but Coles has such a good layout. They have the better nuts. Oh yeah. Coles does have amazing. And the underdog though is fucking Aldi. Aldi is like. It's like some fucking lazy fuck has just designed these grocery stores and you go and there's like TV isn't shooting by. Yeah. I'll put TV in a vacuum. You chuck it in the middle of it. But that fucking, the price? We used to do a thing. We go to Aldi first, get your bulk shit and then all your little extra bits and bobs. You go to fucking Coles. I know where it's at. I think I've been blind my whole life and just started to see. Fucking hell man. You're such a new laugh. We're back and look, we're trying out a new little segment. We've got you guys to comment some things that you want us to explain because we realize we have a lot of knowledge that we're not really sharing with you guys. All we do is, you know, fart and fluff around and do all these sorts of things like that. Bits and pieces. Bits and pieces, but we don't tell you guys some of the things that you probably confused about in the world. So comment your explanation. This segment is called. Yes. All right. All right. Next one. First explanation is from Aidan Hurlow. Can you guys please explain the meaning of Ringworm? This is probably why this is happening right now. In a way. You know what I mean? Yeah. Ringworm is the substitute word for anything that you don't know. So fucking if you've lost something peculiar like a fucking pipe and you say to your roommate, fuck, I can't find my fucking my fucking and you can't think of what that is. You can say, fuck, I can't find my fucking my ringworm, my fucking ringworm. You've always got it there. So it's your fallback word when you don't know one. That's how ringworm started. Okay. And it started like hard 15 years ago. It's been around there. We've had a whole time we've ever known each other. Tried and tested word. It is a strength, powerful word. It gives you a disgusting image in your mind. But the meaning behind ringworm is quite powerful. Last time I saw my parents, my mom said, are you boys still saying that stupid ringworm word? And I said, yes, mom. Ringworm. So it's so important. You should get it tattooed on you, everyone. And it's the name of our, you know how like every YouTuber has their name for their like family? Family? Yeah. Community? Ours is like, I think PewDiePies is like the PewDiePies or something. Very creative. Fucking hand is his hand be gang. Hand be gang for Chris and Hand. Yeah. So ours is ringworms. Yeah. Our ringworms. Because we don't really like ringworms are just like everything. Yeah, it's so important. So when we call you a ringworm, it's actually from deep within my heart all the way. That's why at the front of our Instagrams, it's ringworm Michael, ringworm Marty. It's the most important word, I think. Yeah. To us. It's sentimental. Even in the dictionary. Yeah, it's coming up. We voted number one last year. All right. Next explanation is from Cameron Winship. Winship. What does you mean? You is the name of the God of the Eshays. And he lives in, he's in the local Ipswich Boy was 50 years ago. He does beer reviews? No, that's just fucking Julian. Oh. You is the God of Eshays. He started Eshays. The cursor knows him. Pretty sure Julian would know who you is. Because they're always, when you hear someone on you, it's someone referring to the Eshay God. It's a way of praying. I fucking never knew that. Yeah. So whenever Julian does that, it's like him like praying to the God. It's like, oh, I fucked the cheek. Yeah. That's great. It's like a celebration thing. Yeah. He's thanking his God that he got to fuck a cheek. That's why Julian does it. And also it also means this. Yes. Yes. Pro long. Pro long. Yeah. Julian. Oh. That deserves a you. Yeah. Very good. But different. There was different sounds. Different like different levels. Different levels. Yeah. It was so. I'm like a DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. The next explanation is from JT. Boys, please explain the science behind the difference in polarity and geometry of molecular bonds for the groups 14 and 15 hydrides on the periodic table and how this Look, yeah, guys, please don't try and turn this into like some sort of university class. All right. We aren't, we could be science professors, but we're not. So, you know, that's, we can answer that question and we will, but like it's kind of, it's a bit boring. It's shit. It's, it's shit science, but we do sexy science, but look, the, the overall polarity of a molecule with more than one bond is determined from both the polarity of the individual bonds and the shape of the actual molecule itself. Okay. So that's all you really need to remember. And the actual technical answer is, it's the vector sum of the individual bond dipoles. All right. So just use that for your exam. That helps. I don't know. That's shit science though. Yeah. I know it's boring and you guys don't want to hear it, but yeah, like no one else wants to hear those types of answers. You know, so moving on, moving on, moving on, I'm surprised we didn't cut that to be honest, like that's a, that's a boring question. We do better shit. We do better shit than that. We st, it's like starvation. We solve, solve starvation. We check to see if tattooing shoes on your feet is the same as wearing actual shoes, like real science. People can, people can use that man. Who's going to fucking use the fucking polarity of fucking molecules with more than one fucking bond? Can't, who's going to fucking use that? A library? Exactly right. Can't, what are you fucking library? Can't, it's shit. Anyway, yeah, we do the real science here. All right, so ask us about the real shit, the real shit. All right, let's move on to secrets. Secrets! I'm just going to do two today because both of them, they're all pretty long, but yes, here we go. Let's do it. All right, this is from, he starts with T. Taya. No. All right, secret boys. When I was in high school, me and a friend were at the back of the oval having a cigarette, I don't know why, when a little kid started throwing rocks at us from over the backyard fence. I looked over the fence and saw that he was standing pretty far away. So I picked up a massive boulder and I pushed it over the fence. I heard a loud thud and a yelp. And then I heard a scream, you hit my dog. I don't know if the dog survived or not, because I ran away. I felt pretty bad. You felt pretty bad. Killed the dog. Oh, well, that would be so fucking traumatic. Imagine being a kid and seeing that. You've got to be like, thankful that you didn't kill the kid because a dog, you'll get over. It's going to take time. No, I would prefer to kill the kid. Yeah, I would just put that if you look at Bosley. Yeah. And like the dog and the other thing about jail, the kid knows why you've thrown a boulder at prison for killing a dog. You might. The kid, the bloody kid knows the country, the kid knows Germany. The kid knows why you've thrown a boulder at it, right? The dog has no, it's just like, oh, life. And then that alone is enough for me to want to kill a kid over the dog because you can explain it to the kid. You can't explain that to a poor dog who's ripped in half now. Holy shit, I'm coming round. I get it. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. No, but then you've killed the kid. Yeah, whatever. The kid understands as the boulder's coming towards him, I was throwing rocks at them. I kind of deserve it. He knew the risks. Yeah. The dog is not. I'm back actually. I'm back over to the dog. Yeah, you had me for some secret. I don't know why, but yeah, I definitely would kill the dog. All right. Next one is from his letter, first letter of his name. So it's J. Carpet. Yeah. Fuck, how'd you know that? All right. Seek it for the podcast. When I was 14, I was a very horny boy. Don't break it. I didn't break it, man. I just cut the tip off. Why? Now it can't be a key change. I'll show you why. Hey, you've ruined my secret. Sorry, dude. He just broke the poo. I'll start again. You play with that and tell me it's not all worth it. See, you could be a little, little squishy pimple or something. But why don't you put it on your forehead and we'll see about that. Look at the end of it first, silly. Have a little look. They're wetting on it. Oh, that came from somewhere. No, no, you got to put the wet part, push the wet part down here. I'll do it quickly. I'll quickly do it. Where is it, man? I don't know. Oh, I'm with the secret. Sorry about that. All right. When I was 14, I was a very horny boy and I was very lonely. I went to an all boys school. It's like a Matt Brown diary. I went to an all boys school. I had no girls to fuck. So every week I would get a tower and go to the bathroom and I would hump the shit out of that tower. Well, watching porn until I come. There's more to go. Be quiet. Wait, can we just break down? How do you fuck a tower first? You probably mold it into a hole and I've heard this from people who've been to jail. Oh, wow. That's creative. Yeah, you mold it into a hole and then fill it with shampoo. Oh, my God. They really lube it up. You're going to try that. Yeah, I'm going to report back next week. You should look up prison pocket pussies. What a word. What a sentence. So it's what I'm researching. Anyway, continuing. So I returned home and for two months I would I was so obsessed with having sex with this tower. I did it for two months while home on holidays. But one day after humping the tower, I forgot to clean off my baby juice and I left it in the bathroom. The next day, the next day, my stepdad took the bath tower without my knowledge. It must have been an hour later when I realized that I'd left the cum tower in there. I quickly ran back to the bathroom, opened the door and saw that the tower was gone. It turns out after my stepdad took his bath and there were no towers left and he took my cum tower. I looked in the laundry and saw the crusty towel all wet and smudged. He didn't even realize. So I guess I'll never tell him. Yeah, that's fucking like whatever. Good on him. Yeah, so he's dying to clean himself with his kids. With his kids, kids, kids, kids, wiped all over his skin. That's kind of sexy. I could wank to that lazy one. No one really put much effort in. I'll tell you that much, man. I feel like it was a moment in my life where I had a crusty towel at one point. And he used towels. Hey, he's used towels to like do weird. She like dry myself. Yeah, fuck. Like, I reckon that's. Yeah, it's not that crazy story. What about there's those? I had a fucking maid in high school. He had, you know, those beds with the bed bottom frame. What was this? You told me that remember the dude that fucked the bathroom? Yeah, yeah, same guy, same guy. Yes, this is a bed base and then a mattress on the base and you fuck the gap in between the base and the mattress. Yeah, I have heard of that. And and there was other times he would just fucking squirt some moisturizer on the bathroom floor and just fuck it. The tiles, fuck the tiles, pump the tiles. Slip up and slip along, slip along the tiles. How that's like, it's so creative. It wouldn't work. Yeah, it's too much. There was another one. He'd get a lawnmower, lawnmower started, put it on its back and then dangling his balls just really close to the blade. And that would make him ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky, hit it really quickly. And I hugged my pillow a few times, but I never went that far. Oh, you just. Yeah, I remember doing the pillow humping with your friends and shit. You didn't realize what was going on. Pretend you had girlfriends for the night. Holy fuck. Try to teach yourself how to spoon. Yeah. Oh, and you'd narrate to your mates what you're doing. Stick your arm at the top and pretend to make out and practice kissing them while in bed. We were going to prank all the airport, airports fucking the wait times like two hours for the 24 hour hotline. So we're like, fuck that. Let's call Julian and pretend like something awesome has happened when really it's nothing. Hello. My sweet pie. Hello. I thought I'd fucking call you because I've just I've just got off the call with a fucking phone with Paramount. And yeah, and there's some very exciting news. What is it? They've invited, you know, they want us to do the the promo for the video for the release. They've invited us to LA and they're going to fly us out there and that they want us to do some of the marketing with because apparently Zach asked, you know, Zach asked how he put he he spoke to them and said that that we'll fucking do anything and showed them the video of Michael ripping his time out of. And so they want to fucking fly us out. But they they were just like me and Michael to begin with. But all we have to do is pay for your ticket and then you can come as well. So that's fucking for you. Dude, that's the fucking best news we've ever had. We're going to fucking LA. And that's pretty sick. I'll stay here. Dude, this is New Zealand times 10. Remember during the video last week when you were like when you were like, this is New Zealand. I said, you're sending me to LA. Holy fuck, you predicted it. Can't. But this is a prank call, isn't it? Yeah, it is. You fucking. We're not going to LA, man. We're staying in Brissie. We're staying in Brissie and we're going to Wet and Wild. It just all clicked in my head at once. You fucking. He fucking believed that. He wasn't even that overly excited. I was like, oh, he knows it's a prank call because he wasn't even that fucking excited. I didn't want to stand excited. Like I was like, oh, yeah, cool. Like I was fucking going like, yeah, yeah. Like, I was just trying to act real cool. That was like for backflipping. I was like, finally we're getting out of this fucking shit hole. Finally we get to do something cool other than buy a van. Yeah, dude. That was so fucking good. Yeah, this is hurt me. Oh, dude, anyway, I was like, fuck, that's good. And then you were like, oh, yeah, fuck it. Like you predicted it like you were so happy for me. And I was like, why? Like, so and then I just clicked. I was like, imagine if I fucking just hung up. Like, yeah, anyway, good news, man. Yeah. And then just hung up and then just let you let you. People being like, yeah, I wish. You don't know me no more. Big time, bitch. Dude, honestly, that's the best prank call we've done in ages just for that. That was the best. He fucking believed it. Anyway, dude, we'll see you tomorrow morning at our regular work, at our regular normal day. No LA for you. Live, baby. What the fuck do I do, Clay? I don't even know. What the fuck do I do? Oh, I thought he fucking. I was like, my fuck girl's a guy, he knows. But then you could tell from his reaction that he was, he's fucking. He glued on. He's like, oh, they're doing podcast tonight, bang. But it is cause I thought I'd get away with it because it's so late. It's late, yeah. Oh, surely they'll be done by now. Which fucking tell me about it. We're done. It's the end of it now. I hope you enjoyed it. We fucking, we're gonna organize prank calls a bit better next time. Everything's, we got some bangers, all right? So sorry about that. We didn't expect the fucking 24 hour won't be so long. I'll find, come back next week, come and ratchet straight out of LA. Not, not yet. Julian. We are the best. We are the best. We're the best. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, best, best. Matt. Matt. Best, best, best. There it is. Now we got a little jingle going. Best, best, best. Best, best the, best, best. The best, best. Anyway, that's enough of that, all right? The retention is dropping now. Audience retention. It's a nice jingle though, can we do it for a bit? We're the best, we're the best, we're the best, we're the best My heart's not in it anymore Best, best, best, best Sorry Anyway No more farts? I've got to go I've got to go man Sort of what? No more farts