 Section 31 of Violet Osborne. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby. Volume 3, Chapter 3. Oh, never say that I was false of heart, though absence seemed my flame to qualify. As easy might I from myself depart as from my soul, which in thy breast doth lie. That is my home of love. If I have ranged like him that travels, I return again. Shakespeare. Lester arrived in England in the June following. He came with only two sisters. Three had married during the sojourn in India. Marian had very early attracted the attention of a widower with several small children, and was now presiding over his household instead of her brothers. Henrietta had been the next to marry. Hers was a love marriage, and her lover was a lawyer friend of Lester's. Jesse had remained disconsolate until another widower, morning over the loss of a superior woman, was attracted by her pretty face in helpless ways. When Lester, to whom the proposal was made, mentioned it to Jesse, she burst into tears and said he was so old and so frightful, she would rather die than marry him. But before the discouraging message could be conveyed, she changed her mind and said she thought she would try him, and since her marriage she had twice written word to Margaret that she liked her husband very well. These marriages were all good marriages in point of money arrangements. Lester, therefore, was satisfied to give small portions to these sisters. Jesse's portion, indeed, was entirely rejected by the ardent and generous widower who had laid himself in all he had at the feet of his young wife. When, therefore, they returned to England, the circumstances of the family had changed, and Lester was able to contemplate a marriage for himself, and a separate establishment for his remaining sisters. Without any conscientious fears, Lester might be securing his own good at the expense of theirs. Before he had been a fortnight in England, he mentioned one morning at breakfast that he was going out of town for a few days. He spoke indifferently, but a faint glow that stole over his face revealed to Rachel's eyes the direction his steps would take. Lester had returned unchanged, unchanged within and without, in body, in mind, and in heart. A few more gray hairs were perhaps sprinkled on his dark head, but he was not yet thirty-eight, and though at thirty-two he had looked old for his age, at thirty-eight it was no longer so. The rest, which India had procured for his wearying domestic cares, the diversion it had given to a sore heart and troubled thoughts, had arrested the premature symptoms of middle age, and he was greeted by many a friend with the agreeable greeting, Why you have grown younger, but in character also he was unchanged. Such renovation and refreshing as his body had received had not penetrated there. The same diffidence, not of his mental powers, but of his powers to win and please, still laid its freezing hand upon his soul. The same shy and sensitive pride made him still shrink from the idea of putting himself forward and shudder at the thoughts of a rebuff. Nevertheless, Violet was in his heart and in his hopes, and he did contemplate one more attempt to win her to himself. He had made no efforts to preserve his constancy. He had looked on there as separation as one for life, yet, as Mrs. Osborne had said, he was not a man to change, and as years rolled on, he began unconsciously at, unconsciously first, and afterwards with full purpose of his heart and soul. To turn his thoughts to her, she alone could yet build up for him a bright picture in the future. He determined to seek her, not as a lover, but as a friend. To read for himself, in her speaking countenance, whether or no any thought of him lingered in the chambers of her fancy, he left London buoyant and hopeful in spirit. In the distance, excitement primed and warmed his cowardly soul, and all seemed easy. It seemed an easy and natural thing to be a friend, to say that as a friend he had on his return desired to renew acquaintance with them all. He pictured his calm, sedate entrance into the drawing room. The tranquil talk over India and his sisters, and the voyage, pictured it, and all seemed peaceful and serene. Thus he left London, but like acres in the rivals, as the time drew near, his courage oozed out at the palms of his hands. He arrived late at the inn of the little town five miles from Holywell, and there slept. When movement was over, when he found himself five miles from Violet, he wondered how he had ever dared to come, and when at half past ten he heard the horn of the lake coach passing through on its London way, he started up innocent impulse to return as he came. That impulse was checked, but still as he sat in the dingy room with two inn candles for his light, cowardice so crept over and paralyzed him that he began to look on himself as a mad man for the resolution that had brought him down. He again pictured his entrance to the drawing room. He saw himself agitated within, but cold and silent without. No thought in his head, no word on his tongue, without a charm to recommend himself to her notice, or lure her heart if still it had to be one. He pictured it till the picture became intolerable, and he felt that his plan of operations must be changed. If he was to meet Violet, it must be by chance. He rang the bell. Is there anything like an inn or a respectable public house near the village of Holywell? Oh, law, sir, yes. There's a famous little place. One can't call it an hotel, but a neat little place about half a mile off. The young artists lodged there, and young gentlemen for fishing and hunting, and so on, and invalids now and then. It's kept by a nice respectable body enough. Tell the boots to call me at seven, was Lester's reply, and he walked over on the following morning, guided by minute directions from the landlord to the little inn in question there, receiving a smiling answer to his request for a private room and breakfast. He sat down to ruminate, though shy with all men, rich and poor. There was something in Lester's look in his smile and in his voice which won those beneath him on the very first address, and when he courteously roused himself from an abstracted gaze on the landscape to assist the landlady in extricating her gown from a nail which held her fast. She took him into her good graces and made much of him accordingly. Bless you, sir, don't trouble yourself. It's a nasty, rusty nail, which didn't ought to be there. Thank you, sir. No matter for the rent, the gown's an old gown now. Though it's been a good servant in its day. There, sir, I hope you find yourself comfortable. Very comfortable. Thank you. And have everything you want, sir. Everything. Thank you. Ah, sir, you're not like some young gentleman. No sooner do I get to the door, but they cry, Come back, good woman, and bless you. They ask for some sauce or other that my precious wits never so much as heard of. I am not young enough for that, he said, smiling. Perhaps I may have done it in my time. Never, sir. You never done it that I know. You never like to give trouble to no person whatsoever that I know. You'd sooner black your own boots than ask a body to do them, unless the proper person offered himself luster colored slightly and shrinking from this minute and clear-sided inspection said, you have a fine view from this window. You may say that, sir. Mr. Pope says it's a paradise on earth, and if it beant profane to say so, and I suppose it beant, as the rector says it. It's true, sir. Lester rose from the breakfast table and walked to the window. He longed for the ready tongue that would draw from his loquacious landlady. The name he desired to hear, but questions would not come at his call. She, however, interpreting the movement as expressive of the inquiries, which she was well accustomed to hear, placed herself at aside and pointed out as Mr. Pope had done to Mr. Osborn and Violet, the chief features or rather the human interests of the scene. At every change of person she looked pitifully around and said, won't your breakfast be spoiled, sir? Yet went on remorselessly till she had sketched the varied occupants, past and present, of Baskham and Ashford Park. When this was done, she said, now do, sir, go to breakfast, or it will be spoiled. And remembering other guests to whom she had to attend, left the room. When she was gone, Lester marveled at his folly. He might have heard not only the name for six years unpronounced in his presence, but he might have heard details of her life and state of mind. He might have gathered hints for his present guidance and he would not. Nor even then, in his solitude, could he frame to himself the inquiries which would elicit all that he desired to know. When breakfast was over, he sat down in the window, drew a pamphlet from his pocket and proceeded to ruminate on the steps which should be taken to secure a sight of Violet, if not an interview with her during the day. Some time passed before his landlady returned to remove the breakfast. Bless the folks, she then observed, they wouldn't be a done with their talk, and I vowed I'd wait on you myself, sir. And what do you think, sir? I never thought or telling you that there's a kind of a feast today, in my lord's park. You see, sir, that Mr. Vane, the young gentle man I spoke about, he weren't at home when he came to his age, and so he said he'd have a kind of a feast now, after the hard times and all. And he's a good sir to think of it, but he is a good young gentleman, not one of your young sirs taken up with his sauces and his nonsense. And if you pleased to see the feast, sir, why don't you take a look and please to see the feast, sir, while you can, for the tables will be spread on the spot of green just beyond the village, and the villagers will all be looking on. I'll be bound. I think I will try and see it. I am a Londoner, and such a sight will be new to me. You a Londoner, sir? Well, I never should have thought it. What shall I see? Lester asked. For one thing you'll see two young ladies, sir, not to be matched for handsomeness, nor goodness neither, nor goodness neither, neither in these kingdoms nor any other, be they who they may. Lester turned slightly towards the window and looked out. He guessed what now would come, and he was afraid even of his landlady's eyes. The one is Miss Hamilton, sir William's daughter, his only child. As I mentioned, sir, she's a nice, sweet, and as good as she's comely, and the other is the very dearest young lady that ever trod the earth. Be she who she may, and does more good in her blessed life than fifty rectors, be they who they may. There was no mistaking home she meant, but Lester was mute. He could not even ask her name. His landlady was making a clatter with the breakfast things which she had now piled on a tray. He feared the conversation was at an end, yet could not think how to renew it. At last as she, occupied for the moment with household cares, was detecting a crack and a favorite plate, he cleared his throat and said, Miss Hamilton, I think you said, is sir William's only child? She laid down the plate and came joyfully for another talk. Yes, sir, only daughter and heiress at present for sir William is unmarried. Some say he will marry Miss Osborn, the young lady I spoke about just now, but I doubt it. And she looked knowing and wise, while Lester startled, put his elbows on the windowsill and gazed fixedly forward. She is his only child, and Mr. Vane is my lord's only child. And some say there is to be a marriage between them, but I doubt it. Unless my eyes are blind, he has another lady in his thoughts, and bless you, my eyes are not blind. Why, when they walk along together, walking and talking, I can see who he is taken up with fast enough. I'm none of your Beatles. Why, he just worships the very ground she treads on. Not a sound from Lester, but the words not the less penetrated and paralyzed the life, the very life of love. Within him, he rose up from his position, the eyes of the landlady forgotten. It's true, sir, unless I'm blind, and if she be my lady, why, she well deserves it, for there's no sweeter lady in Christendom that I'll wager my life upon. But bless you, sir, I've been telling out my secret thoughts, which I did not to do, but there's something about you, sir, that makes me feel at home, sir, begging your pardon. Your words are safe with me, he said in a firm but hoarse voice. I fear you have a cold, sir, and do look pale. Rest a bit here, sir. It's a pleasant room, and I'll bring you a bit of lunch. And then you can stroll down towards my lord's park. It'll be a fine day, she added looking out, but shall we? There's a blackish cloud far out there. It'll be down upon us in the course of the day. She left Lester alone to his meditations. Was this then what he had dreaded? As he drew near to her abode, was it the shadow of this disappointment that had come forth to meet him and to withhold him from a vain approach? He was not superstitious, but it seemed to him as if by his last night's cowardice he had been benignly stayed from a rash venture whose ill success would have killed him. Yet he was not going to yield the point. His eyes, his own eyes, alone should be trusted, and though all thoughts of a visit had vanished, he determined to make an effort to see and possibly to be seen. He waited for several hours before he set forth, and with a stubborn resolution which long habits of self-conquest had taught him mastered the pamphlet, a stiff legal work that his opinion had been asked. Towards two o'clock he set forth and guided by the words and gestures of his landlady found the spot she had mentioned. It was a broad, flat piece of green grass situated just within Ashford Park and enclosed by trees young and old, a kind of natural platform so fitted for rural sports and pastimes that it had been given as a half-grant, a grant with reservations that is to the villagers by a former Lord Ashford. It was enclosed on three sides by woods but towards the village the park wall made a sudden dip and for upwards of 20 yards became a battlement on which the old men of the village could lean their elbows and watch the youthful sports that went on within. On this spot several long tables were spread out and two or three tents containing the food and the crockery which was needed for the feast. One of these tents was nearly opposite the dip in the wall just described. The villagers were congregated without. None had yet been admitted within and by the side of two or three old men, leaning his arm against the buttress that supported the wall where it suddenly fell, Lester paused and looked on. Several figures were busily occupied in covering the tables but none so active as Violet. He discovered her in a moment though she was at a distance and saw with an ache of the heart that a young man was constantly at her side. He became so fascinated in watching the scene and wondering as she drew nearer whether she would discover him amongst the crowd that he did not notice the gradual rising of the black cloud. His landlady had pointed out as a threatening one it was equally unperceived by the busy figures within and the eager crowd without and all alike were startled when it suddenly burst and the rain fell as from buckets. At this moment Violet was at the table nearest to the dip in the wall. The food was still in the tents but she was putting down the last plates from a huge pile when the storm burst. She stood for a moment as if determined to finish her operations but the force of the shower was beyond her power to brave and following the general example she flew to the nearest shelter. It was to the tent opposite where Lester stood full in his view though some hundred feet removed from the road. Tither Lionel who had been at the other end of the same table followed her. Lester put up his umbrella and with natural courtesy held it over an old man in a smock frock who was leaning on the wall beneath him. One or two children crept in to share the benefit. A few other old umbrellas appeared and a good many women flew away to the nearest trees. For a few seconds Lester was engaged in offering his advice to the crowd. When he looked back again Violet had seated herself by a table and Lionel was bending beside her. The conversation was eager and seemed to become more and more so. For three or four minutes Lester watched it in the same fascinated manner and then suddenly remembered that he was answered. For what should he wait more? Was it honorable to stand thus and spy upon her actions? With the first rising of this thought he, forgetful of rain in his neighbors moved from the spot but had not taken many steps before he remembered the old man he had been protecting from the storm. He came back. I beg your pardon, my good man I took my umbrella away too soon. Thank ye, sir, and welcome. I'm not afeared of a few dew drops. He laughed loud and hoarsely at his jest and once again Lester cast his eyes on Violet anticipating that the shout of laughing would draw her attention to the spot but the conversation was too interesting or seemed so to be interrupted. Nay, he fancied that her cheek was flushed but at the distance at which he was placed this was probably a fancy. He stood like a martyr to his old friend during the remaining minutes of the storm. His eyes no longer turned to. The spectacle that made him mad were steadfastly averted in a contrary direction. And the moment the rain began to abate he walked with rapid steps away. No, sir, you're not going off in this way without a glass of wine was the reception of the landlady when he returned to pay his bill and take his leave. Now do sit down and rest yourself till the heat of the day is past. Thank you, the walk will refresh me he said wearily then immediately conscious of the dejected tone and as if blushing at the weakness added the rain has refreshed the air. That's true and the dust won't creep into your eyes as it did this morning. Well, sir, if you must go God be with you as the old folks say and if you come this way again you'll have a warm welcome I am not likely to come I am afraid I am a Londoner if I do I shall not forget your words wishing her goodbye he returned to the town and took his place by the night coach whose horn had tempted him the previous day he did not appear at home till his sisters were going to dress for dinner he then walked into the drawing room as usual John come back so soon Margaret cried springing up she flew to greet him Rachel looked and saw why so soon yes come back he replied and now what have you been doing with yourselves has anything happened a letter from Henrietta Rachel said and eagerly anxious not to seem to have observed his countenance instantly produced it Rachel Margaret said when he left the room where has John been I do not know but I guess not there surely not there already I guess it but I do not know and you think without success and her cheek crimsoned indignation and she clenched her fist you know as much as I do Margaret I do not think he looked successful it is impossible she cried I shall ask Mr. Ellis Margaret Rachel said in a tone of keen reproach Margaret blushed it was only a moment's thoughtlessness she said penitently I would not really talk over John's feelings for the world but little more was said between them Lester had not known how strong his hope had been till it was flowing how the picture of Violet had brightened his future till it was he faced but though he had his weakness and his cowardice he had also his strength and he combated the ejection that stole over him with the full bent of a sound mind and a strong will to work he thankfully turned and found as before relief in it some papers he had written while in India had preceded him and made him a reputation and even Albert allowed that the poor fellow was beginning to be appreciated his opinion was asked and followed by some high in the office and before many weeks past he was offered a permanent appointment at the moment vacant it was accepted and with thankfulness for the works sake but the dependence it gave him which once would have been a boon was at the moment an object of indifference to him end of volume 3 chapter 3 section 32 of Violet Osborne this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby volume 3 chapter 4 ah folly for it lies so far away tour all is one to fix our hopes in heaven as on this vision of a golden year Tennyson and now to explain the last chapter the hard winter passed by a mild spring and early summer promised a good harvest and the bad times were beginning to be spoken of as a thing of the past not of the present the exertions of the richer inhabitants of Holywell and its neighborhood had not been fruitless there had been suffering undoubtedly but sympathy had given to the sufferers the power of patience and help had born many an industrious family healthily and harmlessly through the time of trial when the necessity for his presence was at an end and things were returning to their usual train Lionel Vane took to his old habit of making excursions at first he disappeared now and then for a week then he went for three weeks to London and finally in the latter end of April he went abroad for a month whether restlessness had grown a habit or whether something caused his restlessness could not be known he usually departed without notice or with only a mention of his departure and a farewell to Ida Lord Ashford and Sir William were disappointed Violet was less surprised she saw his mind was active but also saw that in spite of some restlessness he had perseverance in any object that he undertook she admired many of his qualities and making allowances did not think it very wonderful that a young man whose mind was active should like change and should hope to enlarge the sphere for his abilities before he settled down Ida made no remarks and expressed neither surprise nor regrets her position was difficult but she endured it with singular modesty and grace never by look or sign reminding him of her claims upon him nor by over consciousness giving to his simple attentions on due meaning she considered herself betrothed to him until he released her and her betrothment being of the heart as well as the promise she found no difficulty in submitting to his variable conduct and many caprices Violet wondered at her patience and though not much surprised that Lionel was dilatory in claiming what he knew to be his own she was often provoked with him for the delay at the end of May after his short tour abroad with the intention of making a stay for he began to talk to Ida of the fees he intended to give now that the hard times are over you know Ida we should rejoice a little and then there has never been any notice taken of the great event of my coming of age and then he paused in his rapid speech moved a few steps and stooped to pick up a daisy for it was on the grass in the garden at Bascom that the conversation took place Ida was working under a tree she trembled and turned pale something peculiar in his manner made her think that the topic unmentioned by his lips for five years was about thus abruptly to be brought forward in a moment however having picked the daisy and examined it he threw it away and said gaily as he returned to her I suppose there is no great need to think of reasons for a feast the poor souls will accept it without good reasons I dare say I shall want your help Ida there must be a feast for the school and games and then I should like a regular system of prizes to be established they have never had prizes at holy well I think only the few violet gives to the singers I know it was that made me think of them you must consider what I shall give whether temples and prayer books or garments or something useful I suppose I had better consult with violet yes and then they alms house people I want to give them some bit of furniture you should see the Dutch cottages Ida I wish the cottages here could be made Dutch and then there must be a feast for old people above 60 shall we say or 70 you must think about that too and that will be all that we can do at this time for I am not rich no Lionel I should think not indeed after all you have done ah but I hope my father will help I want you to tell him my plans and ask him if he will give some assistance I will if you wish it she said reluctantly I do wish it I will then and she did Lord Ashford was pleased pleased at any request of Lionel sent through Ida and pleased in the thought that this feast was the sign of some impending event whatever you and Lionel like my precious is agreeable to me was his reply it is Lionel she said with emphasis not me ah well pinching your cheek you young ones are brum ones tell master Lionel I will give all the help an empty purse can afford Ida laughed he must be careful my precious that is all I mean he knows as well as I do that we are not weighed down with gold and silver Ida faithfully delivered her message and it was given in her father's hearing he immediately said that as many of his tenants children went to holy well school and as one alms woman was from Bascom he thought he might be allowed to contribute and after some hesitation and evident reluctance Lionel consented the day was fixed for the 22nd of June which was Lionel's birthday and he began to make his preparations whatever gifts he had not Lionel certainly had the gift of interesting others in anything he undertook to do and of swaying others to his will when he chose Violet had not expected to bear any part in the proposed rejoicings and when she first saw that she needed her help she did not intend it should be given he and Ida were quite enough to manage the concern as she observed to her mother but not withstanding expectations and intentions she was forced into the affair and once forced to be interested she found her advice and guidance so needful that she was as usual lured on and ended by helping with all her might the night before the day Lionel called at the cottage to ask her to come early I would not trouble you but that we really do need help and your help is help Violet never gave herself importance by refusing and then consenting when she saw he really wished it she said at once she would go thank you you are always good natured when I say yours is real help I was thinking of Miss White she is such adult and I have been to talk to her she is so silly and so helpless I never can cease to thank you for having spoken the truth about her poor thing Violet said gravely she is not in her proper place that I fear is the history Amy was not higher in Violet's good books than she had been for the last two years it was a painful subject I did not mean to worry you by abusing her he said quickly and earnestly well thank you and good night Violet always fulfilling her promises always alert and punctual knocked at half past 12 at her father's door to ask him to accompany her as has been arranged he was reading and he grumbled a little it was too early and there was no need to be so very exact and the sun was so hot and the road was so dusty as Violet however persisted in reminding him that she had promised he rose to obey her but these rural feasts are rather tedious darling except to those actively employed and active employment is unfortunately not to my taste in this weather you must be a good girl and let me off pretty soon no indeed papa she said playfully considering that it is lord Ashford's park Mr. Vane's feast I must have my chaperone for since the episode with sir William Hamilton to make atonement for her concealment had been very discreet in her ways well well he said grumbling if I might take my book I should not mind but since it must be so let us go they walked on and he began again the only thing that will reconcile me to this feast will be if Lionel Vane makes it the occasion for his proposal I shall then say it is good for something you are still bent on that marriage papa Violet observed in her heart she had the same hope I only expected because pope tells me it is to be as far as my eyes can judge they see no symptoms of it but perhaps that is likely to be the case with cousins pope says it is so if I were asked what I saw I should say he was as much and more in love with you darling than with miss Hamilton Violet laughed disdainfully it provoked her father to say and no bad taste darling if he was don't talk so papa she said severely I don't like it well then let us talk of something else what a deal of dust to be sure and he laughed Violet remembered Albert's warning and felt peaked Lionel should make haste and marry Ida and she determined on the spot she would not be exposed to such observations Mr. Osborne was right Violet was more exact than others and they were the first to appear Lionel came next and was very hearty in his thanks and as there was a good deal to be done he proposed an immediate beginning Violet could do nothing with half a heart and she said to work eagerly Mr. Osborne looked on for a time and then retired into a tent begging Violet not to overheat herself Amy White and the mistress of the new institution were present and gave their assistance but it was Violet who with Lionel's help did the hard work who moved the tables out of the fierce sun to the shade and carried the crockery from the tents Amy was prettily dressed and being pretty and looking well was afraid of rapid movements and cumbersome handfuls Violet always neat and never disordered by her exertions worked away and looked as fresh as a rose while she worked Lionel helped with all his might looking to Violet for advice yet endeavoring to guess her wishes that he might spare her the bodily exercise he watched her incessantly now with eager open looks and grateful words now with furtive glances no less grateful no less eager and all the while there was a shadow on his countenance a cloud which no eagerness in his business and no bodily exertions dispersed the next to appear were Sir William Hamilton and Ida she had been fretting under their delay William, though so public a scene was very distasteful to him thought it necessary to accompany his daughter and had walked with his usual stately and leisurely pace who is that? he asked as they joined the groups who were busily occupied that Papa said Ida in surprise why it is Miss White the school mistress have you never seen her before I never remarked her to my knowledge she is a very pretty young woman yes Ida said hesitatingly she is quite a lady you know poor thing yes I remember she looks like a lady oh violet Ida said regretfully she left her father with Mr. Osborn how late I am and how you have got on but there is plenty to do Ida said Lionel I wish you would help Miss White to cut the cakes adding in a low voice she will cut then ladies bits and the poor children will be imposed upon he accompanied her to attend and stood with her for some time giving instructions for the proper cut he then returned to the table which violet was setting out and assisted her end of volume 3 chapter 4 section 33 of violet Osborn all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Violet Osborn by Lady Emily Ponsonby volume 3 chapter 5 sir your falsehood and your face are loathsome to me I trample on your offers and on you be gone the princess it was about this moment that the shower mentioned in a previous chapter suddenly fell Ida and Miss White were under shelter the other school mistress and a servant and maid from Ashford Park ran into their tent and violet as has been related flew into the one that was nearest to her Lionel followed her she was breathless from the moments quick pace and he said I am almost glad of this rain because it will force you to rest you have over-tired yourself tired she cried with disdain there has been nothing yet to tire and yet I do believe you are tired she added remarking that his face was flushed oh no I'm not tired after all it would not be very odd if we both were tired she said thinking he did not like to own it shall we sit down and she sat down accordingly but he did not follow her example flowers she cried stretching out her fingers to a heap of cut flowers that lay on the table what is to be done with these they are to go on the tables in flower pots it was Ida's thought she sent them unfortunately the flower pots are in one of the other tents never mind we will make them into bunches we will save time what a pretty thought of Ida's she added yes she thought his yes cold and her determination to force him to a proposal came to her mind thought in her brain was rapid too rapid sometimes for a proper degree of reflection to accompany it and the determination had no sooner recurred to her remembrance than she said playfully you have never thanked me for the way in which I have carried out your wishes do you remember a conversation we had long long ago I am not sure that I do he said in a low voice she looked up surprised do you think Ida improved improved oh yes how could it be otherwise then what do you mean perhaps you think I take to myself on due honor I only spoke in jest I wondered if you did remember that talk we had I know Ida is her own good self and would have been so without any hands of mine I did not mean that he said agitatedly you forced me to speak do you know what I did mean I mean that by what you have done you have taken away my excuse in part at least for not loving Ida which I cannot do you do not love Ida and Violet turned pale with dismay not that she had any suspicion of further ill but dismayed for Ida's sake no Ida may be good but you are better I love the best he spoke with a strange abruptness as if hardly daring to say the words he did say as if they were spoken against his will without his will are you mad Violet said a look of terror on her face mad no are only mad with struggling with my rebellious heart I love you oh miss Osborne do not look at me with anger you should pity my misery pity you how dare you speak to me as you have done as her terror her first dismay passed off anger and mortification and contempt and divers other moods and passions swept through her mind and agitated her breast do not speak of dare to me it has burst from me against my will but I care not I have struggled long if you could but know how I have struggled not to love but it was vain I love you Violet started up but Lester who might have seen the movement was now on his way homewards the rain had abated but large drops were still falling and while others thought shelter needful she was afraid of seeming bold after looking out she turned back into the tent Lionel was leaning on the table the picture of despair Mr. Vane she said coldly this is not a day and this is not a place a scene I will try and bear your presence for this day without showing the contempt I feel after today your contempt he said writhing as if she had stung him oh not contempt contempt and scorn she said with vehemence that to me to me who have associated with you as your friend unsuspicious trusting to me to whose care you entrusted your future wife that to me you should dare to address such words her voice faltered and tears fell from her eyes oh what must you think of me he seemed beside himself forget it forget it he cried passionately I will try I will do all you wish forget what forget that you have confessed your utter unworthiness of Ida forget your falsehood to her and to me such things are not forgotten you are right he said passing his hand over his heated brow here they come Mr. Vane she said with dignity and command whatever must be known privately do not let us be a show to the world recover yourself and for this day at least show yourself to be a man help me take up those flowers here Ida she cried as she entered the tent we have been saving time that is I have and have put these flowers in order have you the vases to put them in I sent some of Ida said and she turned to Lionel they are in the tent I will run and fetch them he murmured and he hurried away you look so tired dear Violet Ida said affectionately Mr. Osborne said you had been doing too much it is not that Violet said after a moment's thought I have been rather annoyed about something never mind now we have too much to do here come the flower pots Amy White brought them Ida looked out to see what had become of Lionel she had noticed also that he looked flushed but she was on suspicious and too on selfish to worry with questions and she helped Violet in silence when the vases were filled they carried them to the various tables Lionel joined Ida as she put down two on the table spread for the old alms women I chose these bright roses for them she said smiling the commoner ones will do for the children how wet the grasses he remarked looking down ma bone made me put on thick boots she said it would rain I wonder if Violet has and Ida looked round Lionel did not stir Ida sat down the flower pots and flew to ask her she has she said coming back you ought to have saved me that run Lionel she thought he looked dull and spoke smilingly to rouse him I beg your pardon he replied laughing constrainedly then as if his laugh grated on his ears asked quickly if the cake was all cut oh yes come and see Ida said and he followed her like a man in a dream the festivities then began and for some time all who had hands to help were busy in attending to the wants of those who sat down to eat but when men and women young and old girls and boys had ate as much and perhaps more than they could Mr. Osborne approached Violet you look tired darling surely they can do without you now and we may go home and rest ourselves he did not expect an acquiescence and was surprised at receiving it yes papa Violet replied weirdly I will come wait for me here and I will run and tell Ida that we are going home Ida was comforting a poor little child who was crying from the probably new discomfort of an indigestion when Violet called she left him if you can do without me Ida I shall go papa is tired of staying and I think I had rather go I don't know if we can do without you Violet Ida looked round for Lionel who had been near but had withdrawn at Violet's approach but we will for you look tired as I told you before it is not tired exactly but goodbye now I hope you will get on well and that the poor children will have a merry evening she spoke so dejectedly that Ida again looked at her with curiosity but meeting no further answer to her inquiring glance went back to the crying child and Violet looked about her till she spied Lionel she then went towards him I am going home Mr. Vane she said as she met him I suppose it will be some time before I see you again and I do not like to part with anyone in anger goodbye she held out her hand though her words were kind the tone was cuttingly cold he looked at her imploringly and piteously as if to beg one gentler glance and angry as she was his look of misery touched her she could not help it you have a hard duty before you she said more gently you must tell Ida I feel for you thank you for feeling for me but that is nothing he replied I am sorry to hear you say so and her tone resumed its coldness then goodbye not so unkindly he cried with the same look of despair how can I help it was it nothing to have taught Ida to look to you not for happiness only but for guidance is it nothing to have to destroy such trust as hers his lip quivered it would be torture if I could feel anything but your contempt but I cannot goodbye I cannot stay to speak more tell Ida to let me know when she will see me I must see her soon and she left him and followed her father from the spot as they walked home in silence Mr. Osborne observed that tears were fast falling down his daughter's face and as soon as they entered the cottage she flew upstairs to her own room there's something wrong he observed to his wife there's been something wrong nearly all the day she was gay enough when we started but I think there has been some contrae pumps or other and I think it has to do with Mr. Vane for he looks as if he was ready to hang himself you must go up in a short time and see what the matter is Mrs. Osborne went up and found Violet lying on her bed in one of her excitements of grief the insult to herself was deeply felt but it was the injury to Ida it was the thought of the misery the general disappointment which she had so worked for the accomplishment of this hope had been the means of producing which nearly broke her heart which made her weep as if she could not be comforted my child, my dear dear child, my darling cried Mrs. Osborne terrified at the state in which she found her daughter Violet endeavored to compose herself sit down mama she said signing to a chair by her bed I will tell you all in a minute and very shortly she did recover herself sufficiently to pour into her mother's ears the tale in all its bearings and oh mama I am afraid I have been wrong to you and papa I seem to do nothing but what is wrong and only to cause misery and she sobbed passionately now darling said her mother soothingly agitate yourself and blame yourself needlessly we all make mistakes and it would be very strange if you never did I think you made a mistake here but it was nothing wrong dear, I know you meant to do the best it was wrong was it I think you were over young to be made the confident in this affair you know dear you are a young lady and it does not do for a young lady independent but oh mama I do so hate to be considered a young lady I like to be a sensible woman but is it not childish darling to hate to be thought what you really are if you had known what would you have done perhaps nothing dear it is easy to say afterwards what we might have done I think however that I should have warned you I thought that he seemed inclined to like you oh mama why did you not speak I think I should have listened to you I saw no reason dearest you never did anything indiscreet and as you all seemed happy together I thought it a pity to disturb you with fancies that might be idle ones why he should not like you and marry you too if you and he please impossible and violets cheeks glowed with suppressed indignant jealous love but the change of thought did her good it made her feel that the world was not at an end as it had seemed for the last few hours she remembered all she had gone through and felt that if she had borne the pains of disappointed love of remorse for her own conduct besides Ida guiltless might bear them also they were not cheerful thoughts that arose they were on the contrary despondent thoughts regarding herself and Ida and the world and all the world contained but they were calming though sad and the excitement of her misery passed by End of Volume 3 Chapter 5 Section 34 of Violet Osborne this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby Volume 3 Chapter 6 What you have done hath not offended me Henry IV when Sir William and Ida at the close of the day wished Lionel good-bye he detained Ida to say I want to speak to you Ida, tomorrow will you be in the garden at Bascom at twelve o'clock she acquiesced and followed her father his manner had not been lover-like when he made his request but that was not Lionel's way and as she walked and thought she fancied that tomorrow was to be once or twice the suspicion flitted through her mind that he was going to renounce the purpose connection but it was driven away as injurious to him and when quite beyond the influence and recollection of his dejected manner her thoughts all merged into the trembling expectation that the long-delayed announcement was to be made she waited for him a full hour when he came during the night Lionel's mood of mind had undergone a change the day before he had felt humbled to the dust and had he spoken to Ida then it would have been penitently and with humility but solitude and meditation had with him the result of suggesting soothing and excusing thoughts what had he done after all had he spoken for months for years even of his engagement if he was bound why was Violet thrown in his way how could he see her and not admire her was she not superior to Ida mentally and bodily too was it not like a fascination to be in her presence why should it be expected that he must resist it these were the first series of thoughts as there was no one to answer them with other suggestions they became predominant in his mind he looked on himself as an ill-used being he then proceeded to consider the consequences of what had occurred how mad he had been he had lost his chance of Violet by his own rashness why had he not first broken with Ida and then who in all the world could have forbidden him to choose Violet for his own now he became very dejected as he considered what lay before him to have to humble himself to Ida till now so imperiously treated and worse to have his father condemning him as these unpleasant facts presented themselves he almost resolved to bury the whole matter in oblivion to go abroad for a year leaving the engagement still pending and then to return and see whether it would be possible to fulfill it if not then to state that he had done his utmost to love Ida but had failed this suggestion cheered him it even opened a distant fista in which he saw Violet pitying him and relenting but while under this more cheerful gleam of light he suddenly remembered her in dignity and asked her to forget could he imagine that she would associate with Ida and leave her deceived he sighed thought with admiration of the openness of Violet's character and felt that this was not to be hoped for after many alternate risings and fallings of spirits many different and opposite plans for his line of conduct he determined on a half measure he would confess all that had happened to Ida but ask her forbearance for a time leaving the engagement pending until he had had further time to consider the case and to examine his own feelings it was in this frame of mind that at last he sought her she had wondered from the garden to the pleasure grounds and was leaning against some railings when she suddenly heard his step she blushed slightly went forward to meet him I am sorry to have kept you waiting Ida he said but I had a good deal to think of and I was late this morning never mind and she smiled I am glad you were late for you seemed so tired last night what made you think I was tired you look so and seemed so too you are not like yourself it was not tired exactly he said and as he said the words the very words Violet had used a presentiment keen and vivid shot through Ida's brain she turned pale what is the matter he asked with discomfort not exactly guessing what but feeling that he disliked extremely the task before him she was no longer pale at the question with calmness and courage never mind me Lionel you said you wanted to talk to me I have been waiting a long while will you say it now well Ida he began in his turn with a color varying from white to red it is about this engagement of ours you know we both are free yes with her eyes on the ground quite free if we please well Ida I must own that I had never thought of using my freedom I never dwelt on the subject but there are things in man it seems that cannot be governed and without knowing it I have he hesitated at a loss for a proper expression but Ida did not help him she waited to hear more and he was obliged to proceed the fact is he continued that I have for some time been fighting with a fancy for Miss Osborn I hoped it would go off sometimes I felt sure it would but it has not and yesterday he paused I think it was a pity Lionel that you fought Ida said when once you felt the fancy I think it would have been better to say so you cannot be a good judge about that he said quickly of course I wish to do what was expected of me and the mere fancy was not enough to break the engagement but I think it was she repeated it was not you may trust me Ida that I know best but yesterday somehow or other the fancy mastered and maddened me and I told her of it and as he recalled the scene a look of intense misery came over his countenance was Violet angry then Ida lost pitifully reading the countenance that spoke what the words did not add yes if I had been a heathen man I believe I could have shot myself in her presence I am very sorry for you Lionel I can guess it must be a dreadful thing to love Violet and to offend her he turned away and walked a few steps from her he did feel it a dreadful thing Ida's gentle words and sympathy and yet humbled him she waited for a few seconds but when he paused in his hurried walk and she saw that he was hanging over the railing silent and dejected she went to him again well then Lionel this must be ended we are free then the engagement is broken yes Ida but but are you willing oh yes she said with sad quietness if you wish it it shall be so but but what Lionel how can it be otherwise I cannot understand it had struck me that it might be left I would go away and try and shake off this horrid painful idle dream of mine and then come back and then if I can't get the better of it we might see what should be done what do you think Ida into her grave listening quiet face with some anxiety and some surprise I think it would be very wrong to leave it she replied with decision yet with her usual gentleness of manner and speech I am sure it cannot be possible to like two people nothing in this world nothing Lionel should have ever tempted me to be your wife unless you loved me holy I know you are true and therefore if you had said you did I should have trusted you and been your wife without fear Lionel felt humiliated he felt miserable all together and the sense of misery irritated him the decision of Ida's speech too she who was usually submissive to his least suggestion irritated him further and at last he spoke with irritation very well then it must be as you please as you will not give me time you must take it into your own hands and break it off I leave it entirely to you oh Lionel not to me yes of course I do I am willing to try further you say you are not he looked once more and with anxiety in her face no very well then it is you that reject me and break it off the case is plain I shall go this afternoon if you please I will write to my father from London or I will send you a letter to give him say what you like best I think you had better write to him but I think I must tell him too for he will be very sorry I know he will very you had better consider Ida a little more there is nothing that I can consider Lionel or I would I would willingly for Uncle Ashford's sake but if you say it is my fault then it is for I would not be your wife unless you loved me best for all the world and what shall you say then he asked with curiosity I shall tell him exactly the truth what about Miss Osborn and Lionel's cheeks were crimson with shame yes and indeed Lionel he cannot blame you I am sure I do not how could you help loving her best if you once felt you were free to choose who could help loving Violet the more Ida spoke the more Lionel felt her superiority to himself and the consciousness was very humbling very painful he could not beat it as he ought and therefore he met it in an angry spirit for calmness too and decision annoyed him he had expected tears he had expected that she would be ready to wait for the bare hope of his return as long as he himself should please he was not sufficiently master of himself to reflect on this and own that Ida was right and baffled and disappointed in every way in himself and in her he yielded to the annoyance he felt it is no use talking and arguing Ida you know very well that my father and Sir William will blame me but as you choose to bring the matter to an end there is no help for it therefore do as you please you must announce the fact and I will write to both in a few days and I don't see now that there is anything more to be said goodbye Ida his voice shook and his lips quivered as he came to goodbye goodbye Lionel I wish I could wish you happiness but if Violet is angry I don't see how that is to be never mind happiness that is a very small matter goodbye he held out his hand and she gave hers while he held it he remembered Violet's message and said Miss Osborne told me to say Ida that she could come to you whenever you pleased you were to send for her thank you I will write and if you see her tell her she must forgive me tell her that I cannot breathe unless I have her forgiveness he almost crushed Ida's hand as he spoke so vehement was his tone I will goodbye dear Lionel and Ida softly withdrew her hand and departed for through that passionate tone and touch accord an answering echo was touched and awakened in her heart which made her feel powerless to endure further it was the vague longing for something she was not to have it was the vague sense of something she had lost which till that instant had been unfelt she slipped away and took refuge in solitude End of Volume 3 Chapter 6 Section 35 of Violet Osborne this is a Libra Fox recording in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit Librafox.org Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby Volume 3 Chapter 7 Her sweetest mind Twix mildness tempered and low courtesy could leave as soon to be as to be kind P. Fletcher Late in the afternoon a note was brought to Violet she had been very dejected all the day a mode of mind which for the last two hours had changed but only changed into a restless longing to hear something she had been afraid to go out afraid of seeing or meeting anyone and yet so desirous to know what was going forward that the confinement was a pain loudly the dread that Ida might think she had been to blame had drawn Lionel on had been creeping over her like a horrible nightmare when she looked back when she remembered Albert's warning how she had received it and how she had overlooked it the idea however horrible seemed possible all together she was in that state of mind and spirits when a bell, a step, a note or whatsoever the interruption to mere surmise may be causes a rapture that borders on insanity she seized the note with trembling fingers and her last worst fear was put to flight my dearest Violet Lionel has been with me and I believe he has gone away from Ashford as however I am not quite certain of this I will not ask you to come till tomorrow morning will you come then and for a long visit I long for your kind advice and help ever yours affectionately Ida Hamilton when Violet and Ida met it was as people meet after an event an estrangement or an affliction they were affectionate bachai and sat down in silence on Violet's side there was agitation as well she could not forget that it was she who had injured Ida had she been less blind and willful this evil might have been foreseen and prevented nor till Ida had spoken could she entirely divest herself of the dread that in her in most heart Ida saw this fact or vaguely felt it perhaps Ida did so far perceive it as to make her suspect the cause of Violet's very evident agitation most words were to place her in the position of the aggrieved party Lionel left a message for you Violet, she said breaking the silence by the pronunciation of the name which was the cause of constraint he says you must try and forgive him and indeed Violet you must Violet was surprised as Lionel had been at Ida's calmness and self-control oh Ida how can I she cried with quivering lips because he is so very miserable I shall have to write to him someday to tell him what Uncle Ashford says and I should be so glad when I do write if I could say you spoke kindly of him but Ida I cannot Violet said with warmth it is no use to speak kindly and to feel as I do even you do not know how he has deceived me after having taught me to look up to him and trust him and much more besides it is beyond forgiveness for a long long time at least I wish you would not speak so hardly he did not mean to deceive he struggled long I do not defend all but you must not be harsh you should pity him when I say I cannot forgive Ida I mean nothing of wishing ill nothing as far as I know that is uncharitable or unkind so far from wishing him ill I still wish him dear Ida to find at last that good he has so madly thrown away and so little deserves and she rose and kissed Ida as she spoke but Ida shrink and trembled and did not respond she was soft but not weak the thread was broken that had bound her hopes to Lionel's love oh Ida are you very unhappy Violet cried agitatedly for that dejected but tearless grief spoke more in one so young and gentle of real unhappiness than tears would have done no Violet not for myself I never did I do not now think that anything I have to bear myself is difficult to bear but I am unhappy for Lionel and still more unhappy for Uncle Ashford poor Uncle Ashford she continued and a tear fell on her cheek I am afraid it will be a great blow to him he is getting old and has been so anxious and I think now if he had a happy home he would be good if he could Violet felt her blood boil with indignation against Lionel but she had seen that rage against him was not the way to soothe Ida you have not told him yet was her only remark no I will tell Papa tonight and go to him tomorrow morning I waited for you Violet I wanted your advice as to what I should say I would make the best of it for poor Lionel if I could and seeing that this was her chief desire the resentment had found no entrance to her breast and that she could not better comfort her than by helping her in this point Violet with true friendliness banished her own selfish feelings and gave the best of her attention and the best of her judgment to assist Ida in placing his contact in the least unfavorable light Sir William after the first surprise and the first feeling of discomfort in a long sustained plot was over bore the news with equanimity he had no particular liking to Lionel and no special interest in the marriage his interest had been to perform his promise to his dying wife and his conscience assuring him that this had been fully carried out he resigned himself to the disappointment with a few just but severe expressions he asked him to struggle was his reply to his daughter's gentle words of excuse his duty was to know his own mind and make it known to us it is possible that the mere fact of Lionel's ill success with Violet softened Sir William's feelings towards him he wrote him a sharp letter and there with him the matter ended but it was otherwise with Lord Ashford Ida's task was a painful one he had cherished the plan from many complicated feelings for many years and every year as it passed had added charms to the picture a love almost as strong as a father's to Ida was added to his other less tangible feelings and no doubt of ultimate success had ever presented itself to his fancy he had been irritated by delay he had never ceased to store up hope for the future he seemed stunned when she first made him understand the fact and afterwards in talking it over he wept and bitterly she did all she could to soothe and comfort him and excuse Lionel but every effort and every part of her efforts was in vain he spoke of Lionel with a violence of resentment that astonished as it grieved her and he shocked her further by sarcastic allusions to the disinterestedness of Violet's friendship for her I knew she was one of your saints he said bitterly outward saint inward hypocrite Ida, gentle and soft and verbaring so long as he spoke if harshly, yet justly of his own son fired up at this insinuation and for the first time in their lives a coldness ensued between them Ida indeed distressed and unhappy after a moment's warmth soothed and kissed him and excused herself by pointing out the injustice of his suspicions but he was thoroughly out of sorts and was not to be soothed and Ida left him at last in a dejection of spirits made life assume a dreary darkness of hue to her youthful eyes Lionel had indeed dealt hardly with her and leaving her blameless to bear the brunt of the battle and laying on her to whom to give pain was worse than to feel it the whole burden of the disclosure no great improvement followed he allowed her to visit him but he was a man who with good impulses had no self-restraint and it was evident that the disappointment to his wishes was doing him serious harm poor Lionel Ida thought in her pitiful thoughts he meant to do so much good and he has made himself and everybody miserable it seems hard for such a little fault her anxiety regarding Lord Ashford helped however to divert Ida's thoughts and her father's anxiety that there should be no talk in the country spurred her on to take part in her usual occupations and assisted her in throwing off her depression about a week after the event Violet looking out of window one morning saw her and Sir William pass on their way to the village it was a very unaccustomed sight Sir William though occasionally to be seen walking fast riding or driving was to shine a man to wonder as Mr. Osborne did with Violet nothing but the desire to please Violet had drawn him to the sequestered hamlet of little Bascombe and Holywell was compared with that a public place Ida nodded as they went by but did not stop poor Ida Violet exclaimed to her mother describing what she had seen was there ever anybody so good and unselfish as she is I do not see how an angel even could have born such a thing better Mrs. Osborne acquiesced and with warmth I cannot do as she does Violet continued I cannot go about as she does much more like poor Lord Ashford cross with myself and all the world if I stir out I fancy people are looking at me and suspecting me I am sure Mr. Pope suspect something for he asked me if I knew why Mr. Vane was gone and I know I looked guilty and so I am afraid of meeting him and afraid of meeting Sir William and Lord Ashford for a person to feel so ashamed he hardly can lift up his head then mama some great good is being done to me Violet continued to talk in this dejected strain the sense of the disappointment and sorrow she had caused had fastened on her spirits her vivid fancy went over the past months and her conscience quickened by what had occurred and their recalled expressions and incidents which ought to have warned her of the impending danger dwelling morbidly on these things she came to blame herself in a degree that was unjust for it was one of those cases where afterwards it is easy to see dangers and moralize on them dangers which eyes bent in a contrary direction at the moment of their occurrence cannot see she was still lingering in the drawing room working but working spiritlessly when her mother who was leaving the room said there is Miss Hamilton at the gate have her in here darling to cheer you Violet flew to the door and invited Ida to come in she had called to see if Violet would go home with her Sir William having already departed Violet consented and Ida said was it not kind of papa to go with me to the school it was his own proposal he said as there were so many of his tenants there he thought he ought but I know the reason really was because he thought I was dull and thought it would please me to see him interested and how did you get on Violet asked curiously was Amy very shy rather but she heard a little class and questioned them nicely they did not know much but papa who does not think poor children know anything was quite surprised and complimented her what a pity Violet said smiling now she will be set up still I am glad as we came home papa seemed to be quite interested and asked me a great many questions among others he asked me what Miss White's salary was and he does not think it is enough do you think she had for a moment forgotten the late events and stopped suddenly with a blush as she remembered them after one instant however she went on steadily do you think Lionel will object to a contribution from papa you know the school was his poor mother's plan and he may not like help Violet felt very awkward and did not know what opinion to give she was unwilling to lose such assistance for Amy but felt the barrier between them all and Lionel might not Mr. Pope ask him she said after some thought if it came from Mr. Pope he need have no hesitation in saying exactly what he liked best yes you are right I will be the way to manage it I will tell papa what you advise think not advise Violet said with a blush as she left the room to get ready no coquette sighing over unmade conquests ever felt a humiliation so great as was Violet's in the thought of her successful ones they seemed to meet and to thwart her on every side end of volume 3 chapter 7 section 36 of Violet Osborne this is a Librirox recording all Librirox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit Librirox.org Violet Osborne by lady Emily Ponsonby volume 3 chapter 8 twister twinier even though mingle shades of joy and woe hope and fear and peace and strife in the thread of human life Walterscott a week or two of dejection and depression and then in the varying turns and events of life a circumstance occurred to change the current of Violet's ideas and center of thoughts forward with hope and fear fear enough to agitate but hope enough to arouse and excite into the future this circumstance was the announcement of all but marriage to Margaret Lester he wrote himself to announce it a few words to his aunt a long letter enclosed to Violet a letter so that as old women say it did the hard good to read it he said that though she had only been a month in England the month was quite enough he had never forgotten her and she soon began to hope she had not forgotten him he had not intended to propose so soon but it happened that one evening they all went to a concert together and he and Margaret were separated from Lester and Rachel and after a certain song that was sung he felt suddenly impelled to try his chance and it had all been settled in no time these and other particulars with expressions of satisfaction in his great luck and expectations of true happiness filled up his letter and Violet read and re-read not for poor all but for the constant recurrence of the name on which her affections were so immovably fixed all the disagreeable reflections of the last weeks melted into air her eyes shown her step was light and she was herself again the day following a more agitating letter arrived one from Lester himself Violet saw the writing and could scarcely see that the table while her mother read without raising her eyes her mother guessed the feelings of her daughter and as soon as it was finished put it into her hand saying a few kind lines from Mr. Lester when you have read it dear give it to your father Violet read Dear Mrs. Osborne I cannot allow you to hear of the event that is about to take place in our families without assuring you of my hearty approval I know Alice well and that knowledge disposes me to trust my sister's happiness in his hands with perfect confidence with equal confidence I think you may receive my sister as your nephew's wife I know his welfare is almost as dear to you as hers is to me and I believe we may both be thankful for the destiny that elots them to each other in a worldly point of view there certainly are some objections yet I cannot consider the marriage unwise they will have enough for the present moment and the steadiness with which Alice has fought for the last five years with his natural indolence gives a promise for the future I trust you will look on the engagement in the same light that I do pray remember me most kindly to Mrs. Osborne and your daughter and believe me most faithful use John Lester Violet almost joked as she read the letter was so cold so grave not one word of the pleasure the alliance with her family gave him not one expression that answered to the raptures sensation with which she had heard of the connection that was to unite them yet if Violet could have known with what feelings with use how different to hers Lester contemplated this alliance she would not have complained that the letter was cold in his eyes the connection was nothing but a source of pain he had said he could not meet Violet as a friend and though of late that word had been used in his heart though he had said that as a friend and not as a lover he would go to learn his fate yet since he had seen her and even before he had seen her the word had been recalled he had suffered too much to wish to enter again into this drive to him the connection that must so inevitably bring them together had no charms the perusal of Lester's letter changed Violet's first feelings of unclouded joy into the agitations of hope and fear but not the less her life was reanimated and with something of her old spirit she applied herself to the helping and cheering of Ida and her other labors of love two or three days afterwards a letter came from Margaret Lester this letter was also cold for Margaret had not forgiven could not forgive but Violet was Albert's cousin almost his sister and her resentment though it influenced her style did not influence her conduct she wrote to treat Violet to be her bridesmaid there was to be no fuss for they all hated a fuss but Rachel would be one bridesmaid and she wished Violet to be the other the marriage was to take place at the end of August and Mr. and Mrs. Osborne were also and warmly pressed to come up to attend it Violet's reply uninfluenced by the style of Margaret's letter which indeed because comparatively indifferent she scarcely perceived was grateful and cordial perhaps as she wrote she felt that Lester would read her words perhaps she resolved that should any feeling be still slumbering in his breast no look or word of hers should henceforth repel him but her thoughts and cares which there were such were in vain of the letter its words or its style nothing was said only when the matter was settled Rachel seized an opportunity to observe Margaret thought it right to ask Mrs. Osborne to be her bridesmaid and she has consented Lester was reading he put down his book and said quietly I am glad she has done so only this morning that it ought to be done you do not mind, John Rachel said timidly Lester collared but he saw his sister's anxious face it is not perhaps what I like best he said with grave truth but I should never wish a recollection of what is past to interfere with our present relations remember that I shall do what I can so that it is forgotten and so I hope will you and must it be forgotten trembled on Rachel's lips but the inquiry was not spoken there was a look in his face that wanted off which said he felt you may come but no further leave me and my sorrows in peace and she obeyed him end of volume 3 chapter 8 section 37 of Violet Osborne this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby volume 3 chapter 9 who loves must fear and sure who loves like me must greatly fear Mason's Elfride six weeks interval passed rapidly the wedding day arrived Mrs. Osborne remained at home she was well but never strong and the long absence from excitement and fatigue which her country life had procured her had made her infancy if not in reality unequal to anything of the kind Mr. Osborne and Violet went to the house of a friend near London but since Mrs. Osborne could not accompany them only for two days Elbert came to them on the evening of their arrival told them all the arrangements and gave his precise instructions he was rather proud of his arrangements Margaret he was sorry to say was growing nervous and he had tried so to plan the whole affair that there should be no waiting about nor any extra thing to tire or excite her Violet was to be at the door of St. George's church at 20 minutes before 12 and he would be there to receive her Mr. Osborne and Violet did as they were told at a quarter before 12 Elbert came to their carriage and saying Margaret would arrive in a moment to come to the church door and after the arrival to follow her and Rachel as they walked straight to the altar she obeyed like one in a dream and there stood awaiting the moment which after six years should bring her and Lester face to face once more she had not long to wait the Lester's carriage arrived and Lester got out he first assisted Rachel from the carriage and up the steps of the particle and she came on straight to Violet and shook hands with her with great warmth and cordiality they then stood together while Lester and Margaret passed Margaret had as Elbert said been growing nervous this day it was more than nervous she could not leave the house of the brother home she so passionately loved this and there had been a terrible scene before they left it Lester now passed rapidly with her to the altar yet as he passed he turned his head and gave a glance in a sweet smile of recognition to Violet she followed again with Rachel in a trance hardly realizing what was going forward outwardly calm and still and lovely and bright inwardly blank from the intensity of feeling with which she watched and waited for the events of the day when the service was over and Elbert conducted Margaret to the vestry Lester turned before he followed her and shook hands kindly with both Violet and her father he did not speak but again with a slight smile of invitation invited them to follow as he passed on they did follow and almost instantly Elbert came to Violet we are getting through it as fast as we can for she's in a terribly nervous state poor thing but come and sign your name Violet I should like to have you come he touched her arm and she obeyed Lester was writing he looked up as she approached and with the same kind half smiley look put his pen into her hand the look was so peculiar so devoid of anything except kindness and friendliness that even while it troubled it stilled her she wrote and meanwhile Elbert justly proud of his arrangements had got the carriage ready and he and Margaret went off Rachel and Lester followed they paused to beg Violet and Mr. Osborne to come to lunch and in Clarge's street this was no surprise for Elbert had told them it was to be and tither they proceeded the Lester's had many friends and though so late in August and the marriage so private a one between 20 and 30 people were in the drawing room when they arrived Rachel soon came down she invited Violet to sit on the couch with her and told her all particulars as to one who had a special interest and special right to know she said Margaret was too much agitated to appear that Lester was with her now but that when luncheon was ready he would come down and she would return to her they were to start it too and she almost wished it had been settled for an earlier hour they were going to a place that had been lent them about 30 or 40 miles from London it was not long before Lester appeared he pointed out to Mr. Osborne the lady he wished him to take and then offered his arm to Violet she rose and they went down together I am sorry Rachel cannot come he began at once as if determined there should be no silences but poor Margaret is rather a spoiled child and when she is over excited we are obliged to give way to her she promised me yesterday that she would go through it bravely but the promise is forgotten and she cannot help it Violet felt timid and unlike herself she hardly knew what she answered and no more was said till she found herself seated with Lester at the top of a long table Mr. Osborne and the lady and aunt of the Lesters were opposite an old gentleman whom Violet and former days had very slightly known but who had always loudly expressed admiration of her and her beauty came and sat at the side of the table next to her Lester attended carefully to her wants and whether it were the nearness of intercourse or whether it were that Violet's timidity a mood and manner once seen but not the mood and manner which lived in his remembrance of her made him more bold he said in a voice far less constrained far less willing to agitating thoughts I hope your opinion of this marriage is like mine I should be glad to think that you look on it as I do if you mean my approbation Violet said hardly it is much more than that it is so much the best thing that could have happened to poor Albert that I only wonder how such good fortune was brought about you must not depreciate Ellis Lester said in reply I think you were always disposed to do so he may not have brilliant qualities but if we consider only the steadiness and industry in his profession and the constancy to one object which he has shown for six years I think he is entitled to our respect and admiration the words which you were always disposed to pleased Violet as the drowning catch at twigs she caught at this slight recurrence to old opinions as a favorable symptom of his present state of mind she felt she had lived in his thoughts that the old conversations they had held had been silently repeated in his mind as they had been in hers another word had also fallen like music on her ear the word constancy surely he would not have chosen Albert's six years constancy as a topic for praise unless he himself were an example of the like virtue unless he were entitled to the same commendation whether or not these inferences were justly drawn they elated her and it seemed as if something of old relations was about to be resumed the old relations of friendship not of love the first happy beginning not the clouded close when a servant came to speak to Lester it was a message from Rachel and he rose to answer it the old gentle man who sat on her other side and who was longing to engage her attention to himself immediately on seeing her free began to speak and when Lester resumed his seat the lady on his other side addressed him Violet was annoyed but she suddenly felt so joyous and happy that she could not be much annoyed at anything and seeing that for the moment her selfish thoughts must be subdued she with her usual good humor and sweetness of manner gave her attention where it was required the old gentle man began to talk of Devonshire and its beauties and Violet spoke about the warmth that was natural to her when she agreed strongly after some conversation on its external beauties a few questions as to how much of it she had seen what parts were most to be admired and what parts she most admired on which latter part of the subject a slight altercation took place he suddenly said and how his young vein turned out if a shot had suddenly been discharged between Lester and Violet they could scarcely have been more startled than at this question for it so happened that Lionel had passed at that moment from the thoughts of both as completely as if he had never existed Lester simply started glanced one side glance at Violet and then bidding adieu to a momentary hope that had been stealing over him resumed his late constrained composure and gave his attention his apparent attention at least to the lady at his left side Violet taken by surprise cast down her eyes blushed deeply and while she answered without word quietness I believe he has turned out very well nervously picked to pieces a chicken bone on which she was engaged the old gentle man on suspicious and short-sighted saw nothing but to one observant interested and keen as Lester was her countenance was what would have been called a tell tale face I am glad to hear you say that continued her friend for Lord Ashford is an old acquaintance of mine we were at college together and though I have seen but little of him since those days he is one of those persons one cannot forget I suppose I must own that in some things he is not much entitled to approbation but somehow or other I always find myself banishing harsh thoughts and yielding to the charm he exercises I believe your feeling is the common one Violet replied I cannot say I felt the charm myself perhaps not I dare say you are right but I am glad you approve of young vain I had heard a less favorable account I had heard he was a selfish youth and a negligent or I might say an undutiful son and my heart knowing poor Ashford's affectionate nature bled for his father I think that was a very unfair report Violet began with her usual eagerness then suddenly remembering that her opinion of Lionel had been in a degree at least qualified pause to consider what it was that she did think and went on sedately I mean that unless we know a person's difficulties we ought not to sit in judgment on their conduct Mr. Vane had difficulties and though he may not always have acted rightly he had excuses which the world in general cannot know you are a kind and merciful advocate the old gentleman and put up his glass to see better her expressive face I only tried to be just she said and having as she thought thoroughly done her duty she took advantage of the pause to turn her head and the old gentleman he took himself to his other neighbor but she did not find the lester from whom she had turned a few minutes before he was another man as regarded her at least another man had the countenance not been sufficient her words would have assured him of what he suspected the eager beginning the sudden recollection the quiet yet decisive defense all told of an interest not perhaps as yet a surely defined and settled interest but an interest which would lead to bright hopes and a happy lot in the future and what I he said in his heart that I should even word possible interpose my shadow before those brighter prospects a thought on worthy of lester yet too common to that proud yet humble atmosphere in which he lived and moved when she turned her face towards him still lighted with the sudden happiness that had risen in her heart eager to return to those old relations that had been about as she hoped to be resumed he misinterpreting the meaning of that speaking face yet not the less resolved to go through with his duty as host roused himself to converse with her but the unbending and freedom of his first few words was gone he spoke with kind interest of mrs. osborne with more than interest with warmth and affection of his regret at not seeing her and his hope of seeing her at some future time but there was a something that suddenly froze violets butting hopes froze them as suddenly as they had lately expanded she could not argue she could only feel she had been mistaken the precious time passed on and no step was gained a shadow stole over violets face and the conversation flagged the moment lester saw the carriage drive to the door he looked round and seeing with relief that all were ready to move rose from the table when he had risen he said to violet with a smile as I dare say you will like to see the departure I will leave the door open if you follow me to the door and stand near it you will see us pass she thanked him and he went before her making way through the crowd of chairs and people about the table he stationed her in a proper place and then hurried away she leaned against a chair sad at heart she scarcely knew why she was so sad but it was the sickness of dying hope that was stealing over her elbert came in a moment to wish her goodbye we are going off as quickly as we came he said it will never do to go on as she is doing she has had six weeks to think about it and yet I believe she never thought what it would be to leave Lester before now she would give the whole thing up if she could that is not an agreeable prospect for you violet said smiling at the placid way in which this statement was made oh you don't suppose I mind those violent things are never lasting we shall do very well in a day or two there they come and I must go tell my uncle I did not want to make fuss by creeping through the crowd to him goodbye violet glanced out and saw at the foot of the stairs Margaret clinging to Lester as if nothing could ever part her from him elbert approached gently unloosened her clasp and hurried her to the carriage and Lester and Rachel disappeared tears came into Violet's eyes partly at the sight she had witnessed still more as she said what did I not throw away what have I not thrown away for ever she dashed them away and moved to a window and there stood looking out looking out on vacancy for nothing but a few empty carriages was to be seen till Lester's voice made her start Margaret was very sorry not to see you he said but she could not poor thing it has been a sad business but she was the youngest almost my daughter and we must excuse her she begged me to give you this with her love and with some messages would you a fancy better than I can repeat them he smiled but his voice was tremulous and Violet's heart was more tremulous still added shall I put it on and she held out her hand it shook so much that she was terrified at herself the present was a belt of plain gold fastening with a clasp tight to the arm Lester's hand slightly trembled also and it was a moment before he caught the fastening in that moment Violet's terror at her emotion had reached a point which gave her strength to conquer it and when he raised his head she said gaily it is the prettiest bridesmaids present I ever saw I will write in a day or two to Margaret to thank her and express my feelings what is the name of their post town thankful at being so easily released though perhaps startled or rather jarred upon by the gay tone of her voice Lester moved to a table and wrote the direction and as he returned the carriage drove to the door and Mr. Osborn who was anxious to be gone came to Violet's side to summon her she hurried upstairs to find Rachel and when she came down Lester was standing in the hall and held out his arm to take her to the carriage when he put her in he said I am afraid this is goodbye Rachel and I are going out of town on a day or two I was afraid of the excitement for Rachel's health Violet shook hands said goodbye and drew back this was the last blow this was then the end of the day so fondly pictured this was the end of her six years of constancy Mr. Osborn glanced in his daughter's face saw how pale it was he took out a letter and as they drove towards Kensington left her in peace this was her only time of peace such as it was for the kind friend who received them had prepared shoppings and such other pleasures as the end of August could afford for Violet's entertainment on this day and the next and on the following they returned home during the long journey on the day she set in profound thought looking on her future life and asking herself how it was to be born as the twilight came on a few tears fell down her cheeks and she had scarcely the pride or the strength to shake them away and all the while as her father set by her side apparently reading a novel or dozing he was anxiously watching her as she was done to restore his darling to herself they arrived late dined quickly and after dinner Violet went to help the maid in the unpacking when she re-entered the drawing room her mother called her and said smilingly come here dearest your father is talking treason what do you think he says what Mama and Violet tried to seem interested he says this taste of London has done him harm and that he begins to think of a small house near London for our old age but that is treason is it not darling a shoot of joy and hope so sudden that it was like a pain took Violet's breath away for a moment oh Mama Papa does not really wish it she said endeavoring to speak quietly I think he does dear you should have heard all he has been saying but we cannot think of it without your consent my consent Violet paused and then in the agitation of her heart her thoughts took a sudden turn it came to her mind and she felt with shame that it was always the same her parents caring for her not she for them oh Mama I cannot bear that word she said in a broken voice consent wherever you are happiest I will be happy too I know darling her mother said stroking her hand I only said consent because you know we could not be happy unless you were well pleased what do you say dear could you leave holy well holy well is not what it was Mama she said with a sigh well darling said her father we must do nothing in a hurry but think it well over you know with your help we may be able to have a nice little house near London now and see our old friends again the oppressive weight was lifted from Violet's heart a gleam of light had dawned in the future but she was not so blind as not to perceive that her parents were as usual studying her good and perhaps sacrificing to it their own pleasure the time was passed when such sacrifices could be permitted Violet was much changed she was gradually learning distrust of herself and genuine humility and in the light which humility pours into the mind was becoming acquainted with her heart with the true cause of her faults and follies and with the imperfections attending her best desires and with Violet to know was not simply to know she was changed and she meant to change she took a lesson from Aida's unselfish life that Aida whom she had instructed and resolved to be herself unselfish and submissive as Aida was in this frame of mind she determined that no restless desires to escape from holy well in plain words to escape into the air where Lester breathed should lead her to yield to the purposed departure unless she had grounds to think it would be for her parents happiness as well as her own this resolve was made before she closed her eyes that night and the resolve itself brought peace to her troubled and disappointed heart end of volume 3 chapter 9