 Are we going to tell them what they came here to find out? What? Was this baby planned? Yes, on three. One, two, three. This baby was. But before you dive into this video, I have to give a shout out to the sponsor of this square space. Square space is an all-in-one platform to build a beautiful online presence. It's a new year and the perfect time to remind you that now is the time to bring your next big idea into life. And if you're going to do it big, do it with the sponsor of this video, Squarespace. Build a website, launch an online store, use their mailing list and other marketing tools. Squarespace is the way to go. Now, if you're serious about going and starting this new year off right, I want you to go over to squarespace.com. slash shambudy to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, that is squarespace.com. slash shambudy to get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. And if you want to know a little bit more about Squarespace, wait till the end of this video. I'm going to give you some more tips. Not planned. Not planned. Not planned. A mistake? For sure. Really? I don't think our mistake is heavy. Mistake is heavy. More like a happy accident. Right. It kind of came out of nowhere. We didn't plan it. But we weren't trying to prevent it either. No, we were doing it. We had a conversation where you said, because I've been talking about getting a vasectomy. And you and I had a conversation about it and said, well, let's wait two years without not trying. And if it happens, then we'll be OK with it. And then we know for sure that the vasectomy was a good decision. Was that in the very beginning, as soon as Raiu was born? Not right when you don't remember this conversation. I remember us going to get a passport for Raiu when she was two months old. And me being then like to you, let's just knock this out. I think that's the only time that I remember bringing it up to you. Oh, no, no. I thought we were both one team, one kid, so hot. I did think that. So here's my general timeline. It was like we had Raiu. I loved the line that you gave, right? That we wanted to have a kid because we wanted to share our life with a kid. We never wanted our life to be about kids. That's why you were like team one. And so I was very on board with that. Obviously, I was someone who didn't want kids at all. So one was enough for me. But I've always had the back of my mind. Like what me and my sister have is just so special to not give a kid the chance for that. So I know that you brought that up multiple times. I know that you brought up like being a sibling was the greatest thing this life has given you. And I understand it from that, but I'm a sibling too. You are a sibling. And I am the oldest sibling, which I will take that. I definitely take that role as the oldest sibling as far as like person's giving me advice. And I'm usually the one that's like the shoulder to lean on. And so I'm like, yeah, siblings are a little overrated though. It might be nice to be one child. But that's my experience though. So I was completely OK with one. And I wanted to give everything into that one child. But I do recognize the thing that this world could never take away from Ryu or the other child we haven't picked a name yet is that they're siblings. And they're actually related. And that can't be taken away from them. So I love that idea. And I love that she's going to have. And I love what you and your sister have. So if they can have that, amazing. My mom grew up similarly. Both my parents have like eight siblings. My mom is like you though. She is one of one in terms of she doesn't have any full siblings. Everyone's half. So she has a bunch of half siblings. She's not really close with any of them. So when she had kids, she's like they have to be close at age. And they have to be close. So from the time that we could talk, my mom was like, this is your best friend. This is your person. And I remember as we got a little older, she would describe it like, this is your kidney. Like this is your match. So if you have kidney failure, this is where you're going to get your kidney from. Be nice to your kidney. Which is like a funny way of saying it. But my mom was really obsessed and intentional about us being close. So when I hear other people's stories, cause I remember we did a video and somebody wrote in the comment section, like Jared's extremely naive, talking about the siblings are going to be close. Like I'm not close with my siblings at all. Which of course does happen. But I plan to be just as intentional as my mom. And to really reinforce this relationship is something that you just can never replace. And it can just give you so much in this world. So you have to invest in it and you have to believe in it. Yeah, that's the pro of it, right? That's the pro of it. And so, you know, depending on your experience is where you're going to shape your decision from. I was thinking to myself like, if it was going to happen, this had to be the time. You know what I mean? That makes any sense. So that conversation we have, which I don't remember unfortunately, but like, yeah, let's just sort of be a little bit more relaxed about birth control until two years and then we'll decide then that would be logical. That's kind of the stance that we took. So that's even I was mentioning to you this morning that I don't think that our due date is actually reflective of our true due date because I wasn't cycle tracking. So I got my period, I was breastfeeding right up until a year old. So even with breastfeeding, you can still get pregnant. But after about six months, seven months, my period came back and then I got pregnant a year afterwards, which means I was only getting my period four times, three times. And I knew I was somewhat intentional about like, hey, during these, you know, conception windows or ovulation windows, let's use protection or let's abstain or pull out. So, which I'm pulling out is a protection method, not the best one. But nonetheless, I don't remember, this isn't, I think both of us, like if we did have unprotected sex, which I don't remember, it was likely right after my period, but also because I wasn't heavily keeping track. So that's even when I went into the doctor and they base your due date on your last mis-period. And I'm like, I wasn't, you know, really being as diligent as I was, obviously with Raiyou when- Yeah, you don't remember. Yeah, I don't remember. That to be said, like, yeah. So it was like not planned, but I also feel like we weren't just randomly not using protection. That's the thing. I thought in my mind that like, we were going to loosely try, or the term we used was not try. And like saying like, as like, I'm not gonna try to not have a baby. And if it happens in great, maybe this isn't messing up your title, that's why you're fighting it. No. It's not. You don't remember this conversation? I don't remember this conversation. What? This is crazy, yeah. The baby brain really exists, guys. Cause I remember the two month conversation. What's the two month conversation? The one we had at the post office when I was like, Jared, we should start trying right now, which was nuts. I don't remember that conversation. That's nuts. That's way too soon. To your point, why it is perfect timing, cause I Googled afterwards. They say the recommended time to get pregnant again is between, not between, but it is somewhere after either a year or 18 months. Well, what's crazy for me was that we had the conversation that I'm referring to around that two month area. So maybe the same conversation. Yeah, it might be the same. But what I'm saying is that when I say is like, the reason why I wasn't thinking about you getting pregnant towards the end was because we had unprotected sex and it just was fine. Well, I know that if you're breastfeeding, which is a lie, especially for the first- It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. Guys, listen, I got hoodwinked. She told me after she was done, she told me after she had the baby, she was like, well, I'm breastfeeding. It's really hard for me to get pregnant. So we'll be all right. I didn't say really hard. What I said is that it's 60% birth control, which is not that incredible. And on top of that, if your period hasn't come back and you have to be pumping at least, or breastfeeding at least four hours a day. And that's only effective for the first six months. And so when you told me, you probably told me all the facts. So I told you all the facts. You probably did. You probably did. But in my head I said- Your brain heard birth control. We're good. I don't have anything to worry for a while. Let me ask you a question. Okay. So what was interesting about this time that we found out I was pregnant? Yeah. So essentially Jared and I were apart from each other for a month. And then when I got back, I started feeling unwell. Yeah. And my brain didn't think pregnancy because I hadn't seen Jared for a month. Again, I don't remember really what my period ended. I also don't remember us having unprinted sex. I know we had sex because obviously I left you for a month. So we probably were having a lot of sex, but I don't remember it not being protected. So I was like, there's no way I'm pregnant. So you were like, let's just get a pregnancy test just in case. So you went and got one, and we got a three pack. And I was not pregnant. Yeah. On the Friday. Yeah. I think this was because I didn't pee on the stick for long enough. I do recall that I didn't pee for the full three seconds cause I didn't have a full bladder, but I peed a little bit. And then I left on the counter. Me and Rai, you went into the shower, we showered. And then I remember cleaning off the fog of the mirror and looking to see what the test results were. And when I saw that it was negative, I was disappointed. Oh, were you really? Yes. Oh, I was like, I was like, you know what it is? It's just like, you know, the thought of a second baby right now is just so daunting. But I'm so excited at the same time, but it's just so daunting. We're just having one right now. You know, it's just like, how are we gonna do this? I have no idea, but. Mine was like a mix. It was a second of like, oh, okay, that's good. And then I was like, Jared, we're not pregnant. I think I called out to you. Yeah. And you're like, oh, okay. Which we didn't really think there was a high chance anyways. But I'm glad that that happened because it gave me that moment of revelation to know like, oh, I mean, it obviously didn't work for you. So. What? No, I'm still, I am happy. I know you're happy. I hope this doesn't get, I'm just being real honest about having a second child. But I will say is that I am extremely, extremely grateful and happy because I would have been so upset with myself in the future. If, because let's say Ryu turns five or six, I'm not that excited about starting over. Having another child. And I could see myself being very against it at that time. But now it's like we're in the flow. We're in the mix. And it's just the best case scenario in this situation. Like it couldn't have happened in the other way. Yes. And you know. So then when three days later, which was maybe two days later on the Sunday, I retook another test. Yeah. And then that came back positive. Yeah. What were your thoughts? I was just like, oh, here we go. Here we go. But I was, I was excited. I was excited to tell my family because I knew they would be very, very excited. And also what I thought to myself was like, is this us being irresponsible? I did think that. But only because we were just getting on our feet with one. Yes. And I'm like, dang, like, are we gonna be able to balance two right now? And you know, my whole thing about bringing children into the world is like, I want to be able to give them the best life in the, you know, and be able to parent the way that you're supposed to. So my fear was, is this being irresponsible because we're not ready? But I got over that really quickly. Yeah. I think there's definite when I talk to people now, I will say this. The one thing my favorite pro to having a second kid is everybody at the bank, all family members, all friends. I'm not gonna hear Nan from you of like, so when's the second one coming? Like that talk is shut down. That never got to me. I, it didn't get to you? No. Like it didn't get to you personally? No, it never got me angry. It never got to me. Like it never got under my skin is what I'm saying. It gets way under my skin. I can see it. Yeah. It's turning red right now. Right. It's just like that constant, it's called the relationship escalator, right? Like they're all, you're always having to look a step above and you're always having to like strive for another goal. And then once you hit that goal and you're just gonna shut them up, it doesn't, they have something else to say. So it gets annoying because especially, yeah, if you've just gone through a lot and you've put your body through a lot, you just want time to rest and bask in like what you've accomplished. You've accomplished, yeah. And then people just focus on what's next. Yeah, what's next, what's gonna happen next. So I'm excited for that reason, but in saying that, I hope I don't become one of those moms of like, when are you gonna have the second? No. Because we spent a long time researching about only children and just reflecting on the differences. And I do believe we could have been amazing parents and provided an amazing experience for one kid. I also believe we could have had an amazing life together with no kids. Like we looked at all options. This is an option that we kinda like peeked at, but it's here, so now we gotta look at it. No, I'm here, I'm ready, I'm excited, you know? So, and I think that we're gonna be great. I think that we're in position right now to be great. And I think that the mom that you are is just going to continue to evolve and bring out new sides of you so I can see this second baby making you an even more incredible person and more incredible mom, so. Oh, thank you. I know you're gonna kill it. I think the same thing for you. Can I be very honest with you? Hit me. I kinda, I worry about your attachment to baby too. Why? Because with Ryu, you were just so much more involved. I mean, a part of this too, just the natural, like, you obviously always took me to doctor appointments before. Now you can't because you have to watch Ryu. So I just feel like you were more excited and more involved and more interested. It might be perception. It could be perception. Because I don't know if you remember, it's always really hard for me to connect to the child in your belly. That's why if you see the video of me crying when I had Ryu in my hands because it was physical, it was here, you have a different connection with her because you're literally connected to her. You're literally filling your heartbeat. You're literally giving your own nutrients. You guys are sharing nutrients. You have a, it's, I think it's unfair to compare your connection to my connection. That's fair. Because mine won't start until she's here. I mean, obviously there's the thought of her and like if I feel her kick and stuff like that, like that's a connection that I can feel but it is difficult for fathers, right? You know, because we're connecting to the thought right now. I feel, and to be very honest, I don't necessarily feel the same connection now that I did with Ryu. Because, and I will say that's kind of the difference between a planned and unplanned. With Ryu, I felt sick, but I always had the thing to remind myself of like you worked for this and you wanted this. And we tried really hard to conceive Ryu and we were both really on board with it. So that was almost like that extra thing you could tell yourself. Whereas with this baby, because it was unplanned, I found the sickness a little bit more mentally difficult. And then I feel the connection was a little bit more difficult to create. Cause like you feel like the baby chose it. You're like, you chose this, right? Right. Calm down down there. So I'm making me sick. Yeah, and that could, that's a little bit, it's an honest reflection. I know it'll change as soon as the baby is here. My mom said to me, you know, she was talking about it with me and she's like, you're just not gonna be able to comprehend how much capacity you're gonna have for love. And then she was like, obviously, cause you're my second kid, right? And like the experience that I have with you and the love and the relationship, it's just different. So don't worry about having it all figured out right now. Don't worry about experiencing all the emotions or worrying or stressing out if you're not like, it will happen and it will come. Yeah, I'm not worried. The internet could be worried, you know? I'm not worried. There's a lot of people who have multiple children. They're like, all right, it's gonna be fine. Three kids? No. No. Not like, no. This is recorded, so. Not no. No. No. We're done. You want three kids? You do? You gotta keep them guessing, babe. I gotta keep you guessing. That's why you stick around. Well, I'm going to get fixed. You might have to get the third one someone else. That's just not going to be me. You'll still love and look after it though. No. No. But like I said in the top of the episode, it's the new year, baby. It's time to get that big idea, big popping. And when you want to get it popping, go to squarespace.com slash shambudy to get 10% off of that first purchase of a website. Now, if you don't know anything about Squarespace, let me ramble on a couple of things that you might need to know about them. Squarespace is user-friendly, giving beginners the power to look professional with slick, fresh templates, blogging tools, and in-depth analytics. Now, listen, guys, analytics are very, very important because that's how you're going to tell what you need to address and what you need to fix or what is working on your website. And if you're into mailing lists or email campaigns, I'm trying to tell you, you might want to switch over to Squarespace because I found that is the most cost-efficient way of doing this process. And they have so many modern templates. I'm telling you, it makes it so simple. Even for me, who has no idea how to code, I find that I can customize my website or email campaigns or anything that I have to do on Squarespace, I can customize it to my taste. And we all know when you're building a brand, your taste is everything. So, head over to squarespace.com, stop playing around and go play around in their websites so you can make the perfect one for you. And when you're ready to launch, go over to squarespace.com slash shambudy to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that is squarespace.com slash shambudy to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Break in the bag, break in the bag. Head out here for that, stick it wet. Pull out a stack, flip it and get in the bag. After party, gloss your future down. We so tipsy now, it's okay. I might double down a couple more shots of brown. Big bag spinner, wearing chinchilla. Put that in show mama, I'ma-