 So the other night I'm watching a show on Netflix called Love on the Spectrum and if you haven't seen this show I think it's really interesting how it will illustrate something about I'm gonna share on how to gain a man's respect or how men feel will Respect you, but what's interesting about this show is that these are Autistic people Asperger's that sort of thing some of them high functioning and They're being matched up to find their soulmates their love partners and such and what's really interesting about the show is That many of the people on the show have never even gone on a first date before and the way the program is set up They're fixed up with other people who are on the spectrum or they're dating people who might be normally functioning So why is this so critically important to talk about when it comes to feeling respect or being respected by someone in Relationship What I thought was interesting while this might be a reality show I think it's more like a docu series in the sense that you know, this can't be scripted with these autistic folks It can't be scripted What you're seeing is they are raw true Selves they're raw true selves. I mean there is no filter with these folks Now one of the gentlemen was 63 years old He says he's never been on a date before in his life another 33 year old man Never been on a date several of the women have never been on a date before and they're in their 20s 30s and even 40s So I only share this because I think those of us that are not dealing with that kind of I don't even want to call it a condition But both we'll call it a condition for a moment is that many of us complain about the dating marketplace And I can only imagine what it must feel like for them And yet what it was about to say is what I love about them is it's unfiltered. It's their raw pure emotions They're vulnerable. They're authentic and they're transparent vulnerable authentic and transparent and Sometimes that vulnerability that authenticity and transparency just gets blurted out I know when I was watching the Australian version and now there's a US version of the show. There was one Man and I want to say man it to me. They were Children and that's unfair for me to say He basically said right after the date he goes I don't want to see you ever again and the way he blurted it out was that was his truth That was his truth. He was basically sharing his truth And I know many of us are fearful to share our truth in relationship because we have a fear of hurting someone's feelings and In the US version there was this one woman very high functioning. She master's degree. She has her own animation company and She literally loved bomb the guy on the first date. I mean if you're watching this She's literally saying oh my god I'm in love with you on the first date and she said I was love struck by you and he was this young man I mean he was so so sincere so Friendly and they they seemed like they were gonna really hit it off and they had a second date together And you could she was still expressing how attracted she was to him But he'd mentioned that he worked at Ralph's That was interesting is on the next segment on there They had a telephone call. She basically cut it off with him and She was so worried about hurting his feelings and he was devastated He was genuinely devastated. He felt like he had been led on and yet to me I don't think she meant to do anything malicious. She was being vulnerable authentic and transparent She was sharing her truth and yet she did come on strong in the beginning So my point is these are humans that literally live in their raw emotions if you will at least that's the way I perceive it And yet don't we all wish we could be Share our truth speak our truth in relationship I know many of you are frustrated with that because many of you are especially those of my audience who are in midlife Which is after making after baby making years and were before retirement my audience is predominantly women Many of you are dealing with emotion men who are emotionally weak emotionally insecure emotionally constipated and And also that have weak relationship skills, but let me just say this because there could be men watching this It's true for women as well women also suffer in this capacity and what I think happens is when we've had enough emotional experiences that cause us to doubt ourselves and Doubt the process of really getting to know one another we begin being more withdrawn And it takes up a lot of emotional real estate within ourselves unhealthy emotional real estate and yet sadly I witness many women who don't speak their truth in a relationship Why is this so critically important? Why is speaking your truth? more important than hurting someone's feelings or Worse why is speaking your truth a fear that you might lose somebody in this relationship? Ladies if speaking your truth causes someone to ghost Disappear or choose not to be with you. Do you really want to be with that person? Now when I say speak your truth as I wrote in my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help spiritual work by the way. There's a link below to all the books. I recommend Chapter 1 to speak your truth to it with kindness Now with the autistic people they just blur out their truth without a filter our Filter should be how can we frame our truth in a way that lands on another person and why is this related to respect? because folks Just like I mean okay just like this man who felt like he got led on which he really wasn't they were both Enthusiastic they both acted impetuous and yet she realized he wasn't a good fit Well, it was only two dates. It wasn't two months. It wasn't 20 months. It wasn't two years I'm doing my math right Speaking our truth do it in a kind way Here's the thing when we really want to gain a person's respect one of the fundamental Principles in relationship is to be Authentic and transparent with the person you're with Now this doesn't mean like in the autistic bill people you blurt out every feeling and emotion That's not what I'm talking about What I'm talking about Authenticity and transparency if it's material to the relationship or return material to someone's decision-making about the relationship I think it's critically important that men and women act in an authentic Transparent way with one another Now as I said earlier, we're dealing with a significant population of emotionally constipated people In fact, if you're not familiar with my chart and by the way, we have a brand new one So I want to thank Elena for this. We have a new chart. Oops. Hold on one second The three people actively dating today Okay, I'm gonna share this with you as you can see on the top and roughly about 20% by the way This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion 20% of the population are users They seek short-term game love bombers players gold diggers entitled people selfish people only caring about themselves And then while I say over here, there's the grown Growers and builders. These are the people that seek long-term relationships. They're emotionally healthy They're growing up good relationship skills They have their act together the vast majority of everyone else are spenders and what they mean is what it means Is they're gonna spend time with you companionship connection sex no direction uncertainty fearful Usually have a dysfunctional life folks Here's the thing about respect How can you be with somebody? Who respects you if they can't respect themselves if they're users if they're dysfunctional These are human beings that genuinely can't respect themselves. They might have arrogance There's certainly a lot of people with bravado and arrogance We certainly see a significant population of men and women like who are entitled and believe they deserve Better than everyone. Yes, we have those folks But can you really gain that person's respect if they're already on some level dysfunctional? No You can't Respect is gonna come from those emotionally grown-up people those people that have good relationship skills And so while the title of this Video is you're gonna gain a man's respect 99% of the time With what I'm about to share with you right now. What we're really talking about is 99% of emotionally healthy people Respect what I'm about to share with you and the vast majority of men and women are lacking that emotional maturity So you're not gonna gain their respect. Anyway, this is why it's critically important to vet people before you give your heart Because as I said earlier Speak your truth do it with kindness Here's the more important piece when you're sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person So if you genuinely want to gain a man's respect who's a grower a builder as someone who genuinely wants Long-term commitment. Well first you're gonna have to vet that guy to determine if that's the person you're talking to By the way, there's a link right here the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My area of expertise is teaching you how to vet men and vetting is a process of determining is this person Not just the chemistry piece. Do we share the same values? Do we have lifestyles are blendable and more importantly, are they emotionally mature? Because an emotionally mature man respects this above all not above all else, but certainly respects this with women are the women who genuinely have Standards in a relationship standards Now here's the thing Emotionally constipated men emotionally unavailable men they they don't respect women But what they do also is they disrespect a significant percentage of women who what they think are low hanging fruit women who are easy Because they literally have no standards. These are the women that chase men that make themselves way too available to men that put out sexuality to gain a man's favor These men like the short run with these women because they look at them as low hanging fruit And they tend to disrespect them Here's the thing an emotionally healthy man wouldn't disrespect a woman But he won't certainly want to lean into a relationship with a woman who is overly aggressive Because she literally has no standards and or boundaries for herself Now standards. What does standards look like? Look it? What what a standard is? Let me backtrack for a moment. I worked with a woman a couple years ago and she called me up She's in a relationship or she was in she was in a relationship with a man for nine months And she says hey Jonathan, I'm in a relationship with a man and I'd like more commitment out of him I'm like great. What does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him as if speaking louder She was actually articulating her point. All she was was screaming and then you know what she said to me next She said Jonathan, you're not listening to me. You're not hearing me. I Said you're not saying anything if you can't describe what commitment looks like to me How can you describe it to him? So our standards is the framework of what a committed relationship looks like Now many of you know my rhetoric. I'll say it again. I say it a thousand times the type of relationship I initially was looking for Was a relationship where we spent three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional Intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married Well, that was my standard. That was my framework the boundary would have been if it didn't match that framework and Boundaries I love what Brene Brown says about boundaries if you're not familiar with Brene Brown Let me see if I have her book handy Oh It's there somewhere Brene Brown Google her what she talks about boundaries is what's okay, and what's not okay for me Folks when you establish the framework of what you want your relationship to look like you're setting the standard for a man to see if he meets you where you're at and This is going to require as I shared before Being vulnerable being authentic and being transparent Folks Brene Brown also says verb vulnerability is that Lynch is the keystone for courage Courage when we can speak up And when I shared before our truth is merely our truth when I say speak your truth It merely means what you desire what you're feeling expressing that in a Healthy way Yet many people don't know how to communicate in a healthy way In fact many humans operate in a combative way if you're not familiar with the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I wish this was named compassionate communication Why you should read this book and again, there's a link below to all the books I recommend Because how we deliver our message to another person how it lands on them will Significantly determine whether or not they want to lean into a relationship with you whether or not they respect you if you have good strong communication skills Women oftentimes say to me the key to a relationship is communication communication communication Can I tell you when I was single by the way, there's a picture of my beloved. I'm no longer single in fact We now live together And by the way, thank you for all the many compliments I get from all of you about her I truly appreciate it But one of the things I recognized. Oh my god. I did it. I did a squirrel I had a train of thought and I just lost that What now I went off track here for a moment but coming back to vulnerability by expressing yourself With a partner is the keystone for developing trust and actually more importantly Respect within one another See the thing about respect How can be in how can we be in relationship with people we don't respect? Ladies many of you are attached to men that you don't really respect Well Jonathan, I love him, but you don't really respect him because the two of you aren't communicating in a healthy way Folks listen for those of us in midlife the days in front of us are a little bit shorter than the days behind us You have a choice to make do you want to make those the the next 20 30 40 50 years of your life the best of your life? Then take charge of your relationship destiny and they stop believing that you can just simply lean back in your feminine energy And a guy will claim you Yeah, that sounds good. How does that really work? Do you know what? It's your standards. It's stepping into your it's leaning into your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem Men are genuine men who are emotionally mature men that have good relationship skills Oh, by the way, I know where the squirrel I was gonna go those men Genuinely appreciate women who know how to articulate their standards. We are highly attracted to those types of women Yep, many of you say you're good at communication Yeah, many of you are actually terrible at it or you're fearful of it. So start getting some practice today And by the way, let me just be clear about men men are the foos when it comes to communication Most guys are babbling idiots when it comes to communication. So I get your frustration This is why it's important to weed out those guys that are your time wasters those spenders or worse Those users and start directing your energy towards those grower and builders that I talked about before But here's the thing. It's a limited number out there You have a greater chance of finding someone who will waste your time But you have a choice Do you want to waste your time or do you want to get better at vetting men? Do you want to get better at picking men? And the reality is is as much as we all love the fantasy that it will just fall in our lap Well, yeah magic fairy dust works all the time If you really want that type of relationship, then it's going to require a significant amount of effort on your part first By establishing by being your best self by being your best self And as I said earlier getting crystal clear on your standards and Then putting yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people and then doing a vetting process And maybe if you get lucky enough with some chemistry You find yourself in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship And that's why I invite you all to do the work ahead of time so you can attract that in is this sinking in is this resonating Please let me know if it is please hit that like button Please share this video please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new and just as a reminder what men respect They respect your standards When you certainly respect yourself and you're crystal clear on delivering those standards in a healthy Emotionally mature way All right, I think this will be a great place to start taking questions for those of you that know my format of my live streams If you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can there's a little in the chat box There's a little dollar sign. You can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship Fun in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's the little type right there Oh My god, what was his name? What was his name in Toy Story? I just went brain dead there. There was Buzz Lightyear and Woody That's Connor right there It's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund in his name to donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight Institute just to name a few and we've already raised over $3,000 through the super sticker super chat So thank you so much for that and if you're watching the replay you can purchase the super. Thanks as well All right, I think this would be a great time to take questions Just as a reminder again write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let's see what we have in the board May says indeed, I agree Jonathan. Thank you so much Yvonne says beautiful Presentation. Thank you so much. Jean says I completely agree. Thank you so much Linda says I want to get a better at picking better absolutely. Yes Chemistry does not equal relationship success Compatibility through shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's the that's the ingredient to relationship success with chemistry, of course Okay, pretty ass what are three top qualities you looked for in a partner? You know the brat me was gonna say something I think first and foremost And it's one of the things I really respected most in my partner is Is when we first met We she actually shared something very vulnerable with me Because she felt it was material to the relationship and it's private between us So I don't want to share it, but I really respected her transparency And and sometimes that transparency hurts I mean she she sometimes says things not unfiltered per se, but she speaks her truth Sometimes it hurt is a strong word. It stings a little bit. Let's just say that pricks a little. I respect that The second thing that I had I love about her. She is so Chill she is so chill. She has such a she's just like easy going I gotta tell you something a lot of women I dated, you know prior to meeting her I mean no offense to you ladies, but many of you are a pain in the ass I mean, it's like pulling teeth to try to not just arrange a date, but just connect with you I mean so many what I love about her. She's just chill and Most importantly she's got an agreeable personality. She's very easy going and it's a lot It's not like pulling teeth now some people who say she's not in her masculine energy That's not masculine or feminine Agreeability is not a masculine or feminine trait It's a it's a character trait that says I I'd rather have I'd rather be happy than being right people that want to be right are in a righteous Or a They're in a controlling behavior. That's not masculine or feminine. That's just you know annoying Controlling behavior is just annoying to me. So the three qualities her transparency. She's very chill And she's got an agreeable personality and lastly she's smoking hot. I dig her looks okay Thank you so much pretty for that All right question When you first met online is is there a line of questioning you should begin with so that you know whether or not You're wasting your time great question. So this is part of what I do in my private coaching here um, I think one of the first questions you should ask is What does commitment look like for you? What does a relationship look like for you now? The words look like because a lot of guys will say I want a relationship I want to relate well, what does that look like for you like get a calendar out and describe what it looks like What does it look like on monday? What's it look like on tuesday? What's it look like on wednesday? What's it look like on thursday? What's it look like on friday? What's it look like on saturday and sunday and then for january february march april may get a sense of what this person thinks it looks like Many of you know, i've said three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies a lot of people You know men listen a lot of men are fucking clueless. They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it And you want them to be the leaders of the relationship. I find that incredibly Um, it's just laughable. You want men to be the leaders of the relationship Ladies, you're giving the job to the wrong person. Most men are fucking clueless But jonathan i'm not attracted to a clueless guy. Guess what a lot of men most men are trainable too Believe me my girlfriend trained me. She likes to have a nice clean home on a regular basis I was a bachelor. I was a beach bum kind of guy. Look at I wore jeans and flip-flops. Look at me now You know She liked that uh more debonair look and i'm like i'm okay with that Men when they genuinely care for someone we want to make you happy So anyway, uh, that's just my uh two cents on that one. So thank you so much Holly says great question. What does it look like exactly describe it on a calendar? What does it look like you can determine if he's clueless or not in that very question? all right All right next question from me me I met a guy once and he wanted to see me again He told me he had been very busy with work and ended up working on his days off How should I go about this to find out if he is legitimately interested? So call him up tell him look Let's go out Thursday night my treat If he blows you off Just say next look it Don't invest. Okay. Remember I talked about emotional real estate earlier Okay, opera here. Let me let me make it simple for you everybody listen to this. I want you to follow the three two one three Approach three two one three Okay, that's no more than three email or text exchanges Should lead to no more their one or two phone calls that should lead to one date All happening in the three week period of time and that's Okay, the date should happen within three weeks That's it. And by the way ladies You should be doing this with multiple men. I have no problem with you prospecting multiple men at the same time I'm just not a big proponent of dating multiple people at the same time and just know this a first Date is not a date. It's a meeting. Okay, so I'm all in favor for prospecting as many men at the same time Schedule a bunch of first meets, but if you begin dating someone date one person at a time Three two one three, okay All right. Hope that helps. Thank you um Barbara says jonathan you look classy I love a man to suit most of the men on the dating apps are sloppy looking Hey, you know, I was a bit sloppy looking too So i'm thankful for my sweetheart for upping the ante for me All right, if you have a question write the word question post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker Super thanks that way. I can see it really quickly If we don't have any questions come in the the live stream is going to be cut short And if you have a personal question of me feel free to ask it as well um Let's see what we have here. Let's go swim in Let's go swim in Colleen says i'm so happy for you jonathan. Thank you so much. I appreciate that She's also reading the four agreements. I love that book. Where is my four agreements right here? Folks if you're not familiar with the four agreements, read this book. There's a link below Always do your best Always do your best Um projections of others are people's opinion of you as a projection People's opinion of you is their projection of you. Um Don't make assumptions and be impeccable with your word The four agreements highly recommend reading that. Thank you so much for uh suggesting that colleen. I appreciate it All right, uh, let's go swim in. Oh, here we go Catherine says it's very easy to speak my truth since it's done in a loving good heart oriented manner way to go Catherine Colleen says question What is a gal to say to a gentleman that put on the brakes to be in an exclusive relationship and then reaches Out months later to say hi. How are you yet? Doesn't ask you out So this is a common thing a man expresses i'm assuming he expressed interest And then he put the brakes on and then some time passed and then he reaches out He's fishing Okay, he's fishing for number one Number two a lot of men are bad daters. So they want you to make the effort Um, so listen, I like to with these guys. I like to fuck with them a little bit I know that sounds crass and it sounds a little bit mischievous and devious But when I say I like to fuck with them ask him out and see what he says See how he reacts And then goes to him. No, I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. But um, no Make some effort and see what happens just to explore Um, you know, you can sit back and be curious in the sense of oh, I wonder what he's thinking I wonder what he's thinking or you can be proactive and find out what he's thinking or you can simply say, hey In full transparency. You seem interested. You blew me off. Why are you reaching out to me be blunt? Okay, just like the autistic children Adults I was talking about had no filter be blunt But there's no sense in trying to figure out what he's thinking because you know what it doesn't matter You can ask the question to find out what he's thinking or you can ask him out on a date and see if he says yes I when I say date ask him out for a drink. All right. Hope that helps. Thank you so much Mimi says thank you for answering that. I love how you tell it like it is. Thank you. Colleen says I was actually thinking of asking him out. There you go. Jennifer says I'm blunt with guys you know blunt with class Because we can be blunt or we can do it with a lot of crafts, but I say do it with a lot of class and that is You know, sometimes just say I'm really curious You know, I it seems really odd that you're reaching out to me after you blew me off What's up? I'm just curious. You can start sentences with sentences with I'm curious or you can start to sentence in full transparency Okay be curious But trying to figure out what men do is of exercise and futility. So don't bother. Okay all right Uh barbis says if you want to find quality men join inner circle gotcha Holly says I oh, I like your answer jonathan. I'll do the same thing definitely be blunt again Blunt is speaking your truth and doing it in a kind way Uh, jennifer says it is classy blunt genuine and authentic exactly Not like those. Uh, what's that tv show? New jersey something or other jersey shore where those folks have no filter And they're crass and they speak their truth in a very caustic An antagonistic way that's not just because they think they they speak their truth But to do it in a caustic antagonistic way That's just mean spirited. That's just mean spirited You know, we don't have to share every thought we have by the way The average human has somewhere between 12 and 12,000 and 60,000 But you don't have to share every thought with a person share those that have value That can actually make a difference in your person's life and criticism isn't just criticism isn't There's constructive criticism criticism But a lot of times criticism is a form of toxic advice toxic advice Lean into that for a second criticism could be toxic advice In other words, it's it's it's designed to hurt someone's feelings. I don't believe that's healthy criticism I don't believe that's constructive criticism even in there even if they've twisted in their mind to believe it is Speak your truth do it in a kind way. That's my invitation for everyone. All right. Thank you so much for that all right As I wrote in my book and what Catherine says being authentic transparent unique sincere Honest are traits that exist long before midlife dating. So sharing it with a gender gentleman isn't any effort Respect comes from this natural flow exactly Mary Ann says question If on the first date the man is talking about his ex-wife who left him He is not over her. Should I date him or he needs healing? He is divorced a long time and very interested in me So You know one of the challenges dating people that are hurt from their past relationships or mourning their past relationships Is that oftentimes bleeds into any new relationship? And the tricky part is a new relationship can actually help a person get over a previous relationship. That is true However, it depends on how much residue was left So if he was genuinely hurt by someone and he's done zero healing work You know, they say time heals all wounds. No Personal development self-help and spiritual work and therapy heals wounds. Okay Time just makes you possibly forget Okay True healing comes from inter introspective work inner work So You know, you're gambling with a person what let me read this again Left is why uh man is talking about his ex-wife who left him Men are very territorial if a woman if a woman leaves a man That leaves more of a sting Women are okay. Let me say something Men Emotionally are less resilient than women. That's right women. I think have a capacity to Heal from an ending of relationship better than a man because usually a man's ego is bruised Significantly and men have weaker This is a generalization So I don't want to make it as an absolute But I do believe men if a man truly gave his heart to a woman Men fall in love Maybe once or twice in their life if they ever do once or twice if a man deeply loved a woman and he felt betrayed It's it's a role of the dice of whether or not he's going to be ready for relationship Now i'm not suggesting women don't feel the same way. I think women are more resilient emotionally than men That's all I just believe that but that's my opinion anyway All right. Thank you for that question mariana. I appreciate it Lee says question Why don't you do a video on on dating a widow and difficulties involved in that? You know, I think I did a video a while back on dating widowers. Um I think part of the reason why I don't lean into that too much because thankfully that's not something I've experienced in my life I think widowers are It it depends widowers are a challenging breed to be in relationship with Especially depending on how the person passed away number one And how deeply they were in love with each other prior to that so It's important to find out how the person passed away How long ago they passed away and how deeply in love they were with that person that did pass away And I think the the if it was recent If it was uh sudden So if it was a recent passing way a sudden passing way and they deeply love the person It's going to take a longer that's going to take longer time for that person to heal Then someone who might have experienced cancer for a decade and it was 10 years ago that the person passed away and um And they had a mediocre relationship. Okay, so I'm just giving you some just a little barometer there All right. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh stormy blue says I lived with a widower. They are challenging exactly. Hey, alaina I just want to thank you so much for the new card. Thank you so much for this I really appreciate it very sweet of you to make that for me. Thank you so much big hugs to you So everyone get props to alaina. Thank you Mary ann says thank you All right, do we have any more questions tonight? Are we going to have a short live stream? Um Now I'm going to come back to the show love on the spectrum You know, it's interesting about this show I don't really see the Participants worried about how tall the guy is how attractive she is You know, they really are dating from what appears of more innocent Certainly a childlike perspective many of them You know our ego gets in the way of love. It's it's a saboteur of love is our ego You know, ultimately certainly feeling attracted to your partner is critically important But what's more important Is their character their character Part of that is your values part of that is their ability to lean into and have a capacity of your relationship and more importantly Their emotional maturity and relationship skills. I I've been reading a book. I want to share a book with you all It's called marriage ain't for punks Uh by calvin roberts robertson. He was he's on the show. Uh married at first site doctor cal revering cal and I've just started reading this book or I've dealt with new a little bit what I find fascinating about it is it's like look Many of you out there are in relationships with a bunch of punks And what I mean is immature people the show Love on the spectrum are sadly humans that struggle with that level of maturity But most of us have this capacity to genuinely grow beyond our limitations If we choose to do the work to do the inner work Self-love is an exploration of personal development self-help and spiritual work. And if you follow my channel I indoctrinate this into you every single day. I shoot a video. It's the invitation To be introspective to look inward and say how can I be the best version of myself so I can attract that person And sadly here in the United States. We are such an entitled environment Many people are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself And I'm here to say when you genuinely love yourself you become a magnetic attractor For those who have a capacity to love you. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, let's see what else we got today for questions. I was pontificating for a little bit Uh claudia says What is the best advice you have received? What is the best advice you've received? You know, I it nothing comes to mind. It's interesting enough. I I think I've been blessed with so many friends Let me reframe that I've been blessed with a few key friends a few key friends Who are who helped me? Help me see my blind spots and I have an inner circle of friends Who helped me on many occasions see what I can't see within myself I can't think of one piece of advice that stands out amongst them all probably the most important one is to probably You know when connor passed away when connor passed away I think I learned the deepest lesson of it all Lesson of all is to be an absolute gratitude of every single day of my life So i'm grateful for my circle of friends who speak their truth with me to help me with my blind spots, but more importantly One thing I make sure To do every day is to count my blessings and more importantly Express those to those that I love with this beautiful woman. I express gratitude multiple times a day Ladies you have a capacity to to lead by example By starting to express your gratitude in a relationship and you'll see quickly whether or not a person could lean into it So that's my invitation for everyone to anyway. Anyway, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh Let's see. How do you tell a guy to do the work? You can't tell a man to do inner work. You can only invite them. You can't tell them to do it One of the things I always recommend ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina as you buy a copy of the book Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman You read chapter one first and then if you want to build a relationship with a guy, he reads it with you This will help Well, jonathan, he's turned off by that Ladies if a man is turned off by reading a good book to help your relationship What does that say about his desire to be in a good relationship? Invite him is my invitation for you Thank you so much Holly says it. Oh wait, I'll get to that. Holly says this definitely resonates. Thank you Wanda writes any old school gentleman left? Is it okay for couples to have a space but still date? First off, I I'm not an old school gentleman. Let me be clear about that I'm not an old school gentleman because I don't subscribe to the tradition partially because believe it or not It used to be women were treated as second-class citizens by by those so-called gentlemen you're talking about Women were treated like property by those so-called gentlemen you talk about What's important to me is not tradition. What's important to me is does someone show up as a gentleman? And does a woman show up as a true lady? And a true lady is a woman empowered within herself She's not dependent upon a man nor is she expectant of anything from a man They both show up with integrity. They both follow the books of the four agreements It's one of the reasons why I continually tell you all to read the book. Where is it? If the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated because it throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says Stop focusing on masculine and feminine start focusing on individual hearts That's my invitation for you all All right, we have time for a few more questions Uh, let's see Question how do you start to learn to love yourself? First off speak your truth do it with kindness Here I'll read you chapters from my book the chapter titles Let me just read it to you speak your truth do it with kindness stop effing complaining Your human mistakes happen if something feels off it is Don't let anyone eff with your chief be of service to humanity Take responsibility for your choices Everything happens for you and not to you if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing Your body is a machine not a temple. I have to remember that one the importance of community develop a tribe Your thoughts create your feelings heal your childhood wounds choose love over ego And there's 15 more chapters. So I think that answers your question rose. I hope that helps. Thank you so much Let me know if that helps Nancy says Question I've been talking to a man for a month text phone calls and FaceTime He was making the effort which meant a lot I think there's more so Uh fill out the rest of that so I know what your real question is Nancy. Thank you so much All right, let's see Holly says I'm gonna buy the book jonathan. It sounds good. I read this book the if the buddha dated I read it in one sitting. I love this book. So check it out All right, let's keep going And Nancy says sorry, I didn't post the question. So what is the question Nancy? Uh had a date planned this friday Okay, good. You have a date planned. Yay. It sounds like this is how it's supposed to work You talk on the phone you text you do FaceTime and you have a date plan. That's the way it's supposed to work Annie says yes heal your childhood wounds is crucial still have to work on to do on that one We all have work to do on that one Rose says yes, it does help. Thank you so much. I'm happy to hear that Okay, so now here's the final part to our question. She says then he goes quiet. How do I approach that? Okay There's a variety of reason why a man might make effort and then go cold. Okay He could be talking to several women at the same time number one You might have said something that was a turnoff to him number two He might be scared for a variety of different reasons. He might have he might have issues going on in his life Okay, I'm like look cut to the chase text him and say hey Do you still want to connect or not if you don't I just want to write you off my checklist? Okay You know, I'm rather than wondering why he's doing it Just take proactive action. You can just sit in your feminine and do nothing I'd rather you lean into your proactiveness and say dude. What the fuck is going on You seemed interested Did your penis fall off or something? I'm being rhetorical everyone Reach out and simply say hey tim It seemed like you're interested and you've gone quiet. Are you okay? And are you still interested and if you're not I just want you to know that's okay, and I wish you all the best Try that Okay, Nancy Good luck on that one Hi from South Africa having an issue with the guy I'm seeing the past nine months I'm trying not to be needy. So I don't answer his messages immediately. He's going crazy because I don't answer Immediately Mandy. I am not a big proponent Of operating that way. I'm not a big proponent operating that way what all you're doing is creating unnecessary anxiety for him But it's really a sign between the two of you that you don't have healthy communication to begin with because You try not to be needy But by being delayed you're causing his neediness to come out So how about you guys have a serious genuine conversation about your communication? Because look too needy people They they don't tend to work well in relationship To avoidant people tend not to work well in relationship A needy and avoidant person doesn't work well in a relationship The best relationships tend to be people that are what's called secure If you're not familiar with the the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller I highly recommend checking this out Checking this out so you can learn about the three primary love attachment styles So my invitation for you is have a heart centered conversation with them Read the book together and then talk about how your communication will be improved going forward Is this sinking in with everyone? Please let me know if it's resonating with you All right, this will be our last post here. Jonathan. Thank you. I found the right guy He told me he was in love with me all the time and now he proposed and we're getting married. I've done everything you said. Thank you Thank you. Thank you. Yay I'm so happy to hear that That Barbara says congratulations Elena says congratulations So I'm really happy for you Colleen says I'm grateful. I was able to be here tonight. Thank you so much Jonathan for how real you are and how sharing your knowledge great show wonderful content. Thank you so much All right, this will be the last question of the evening right here Uh question kb How do I attract an older man? I have something specific in mind Older men listen, you have no problem attracting older men There are plenty of older men who want younger women. So just put yourself out on the dating apps That's how you attract them. That's a real simple one All right Sherry says great answer Jonathan. It happens to me too. They plan a date go silent nice Should not nice to know I should reach out ask check it off instead of wondering exactly All right after ethal says question Thank you, Jonathan. I did everything you said and I can tell you how a man says I love all the I love you all the time and we're engaged. Thank you so much for sharing that. All right, folks I think this will be a great place to wrap up today From the bottom of my heart. I want to thank you so much for allowing me to share this evening I truly appreciate all the kind loving compliments you share to me as well as my beloved who's right there And yes, we are going to get her on camera soon. In fact, most likely next week She's joining my private group called midlife love mastery. There's a link below if you want to see her live in our group She's going to be on next week All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video today First off I want to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow There's a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Annie and linda and holly and michelle and corny cob and sherry and pretty disabled and peggy and lana and ethal and rose and Nancy And kaby and alana. Thank you again. Barbara. Colleen. Thank you all so much wishing you A fab evening. Take care. Bye now