 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success Lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT remember year-in year out lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you and lucky strike means fine tobacco The finer the lighter the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco. So for real deep down smoking enjoyment Smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Glendale, Illinois the lucky strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Larry Stephens and yours truly Don Wilson Ladies and gentlemen our next Wednesday February 14th Jack Benny celebrates his birthday Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, Jack Benny. So don't fence me in Sweet Georgia brown Then I put in extra continue Don go ahead as you all know sometimes a baby is born with a silver spoon in its mouth Sometimes a baby is born with a birthmark on its knee. That's right, but tonight we bring you the only baby that was born with a To pay on its head Again, this is Jack Benny talking and down. I wasn't born with a to pay It just happened that I was such a cute baby when the doctor left he patted me on the head and his fur line glove came off For the next eight years. I wore the fingers down over my forehead for bangs My mother my mother thought the thumb was a cowlick No kitty. Yeah. Well, Jack, when did you finally find out that that thing you were wearing on your head was a glove? The first time I went to get a haircut the barber looked at my head and asked me if I wanted hair tonic or saddle soap Anyway, don You're right about one thing next Wednesday is my birthday. Well, Jack, we've done a lot of kidding about your age But seriously, how old are you? You're right down. We have done a lot of But when a man reaches a certain age, there's no use denying it in fact down There's a satisfaction annoying you have reached that age in a distinguished and dignified manner Well, it's no wonder so many people have such a deep admiration for you Jack It takes a man of high character to accept growing old so gracefully. Thank you. So tell me Jack. How old are you? 36 And now fellas since we're brought a minute wait a minute Jack Nothing wrong kid. All I can say is you certainly act a lot older than 36 What why the minute it started snowing you chased all over town trying to buy preheated underwear? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of in the first place There's no such thing as preheated underwear. You got to hold it in front of the fireplace like everybody else He did underwear Don a young man of 30s. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hi, you fellas All for you though. Tell Mary, but you were gone. How'd you get here? Oh, I came over in one of those yellow perils One of those yellow perils. What's that? Chicago taxicab There you see a yellow peril is also a training plane and I knew you wouldn't be coming over one of those Well, this may surprise you Jack while you were rehearsing yesterday a handsome pilot took me up in one of those training planes Really? Yeah What training? I Think I know what you mean This pilot was really nice though. He had a medal for bravery for sharp shooting and for flying Well, he also had a medal for good behavior, but I made him give that back One of those guys off it got you up in the airplane then you had to kiss him I didn't have to kiss him. He was gentleman enough to open the door and offer me a parachute Okay, Mary, but if you're giving away any kisses just remember that Wednesday is my birthday. That's right, Jack February the 14th And Mary Jack says he's only 36 years old. Why Jack Benny? Do you? Well, that's all I am and I can prove it. Oh, Jack. Well, look my last birthday was in 1944. Is that right? Yes, 1944 and I was born in yes, I was born in walkie. Yeah And that makes me 36 Makes you 36 Jack. How does being born in walkiegan make you 36? It's simple arithmetic My last birthday was in 1944. I was born in walkiegan walkiegan has eight letters and eight from 44 is 36 What are your brother about I celebrated my last birthday in June Mary my mother was born in September My father was born in Chicago now Mary Chicago from September leaves to and two from June is four So that makes you four months old Mary so throw me over your shoulder and burp me daddy. I'm a baby Very there are some things that people just don't come in Mr.. Benny. Yes, I'm dr. Fencil from st. Joe st. Joe. What do you know? I'm gonna be in st. Joe next week I know but two years ago when you were supposed to go there you canceled your trip because you caught pneumonia Remember that's right. That's right. I did well this year the people of st. Joe sent me here to make sure that you stay Well, do you mind if I open your shirt my shirt not at all what cheap material Look doctor quiet. I'm going to tap your ribs with this mallet Wait a minute wait a minute doctor doctor head still mr.. Benny hold your head still I want to look into your ear my ear. Well, okay, but make it snappy. Will you very well mr.. Benny Would you mind holding your hand over your other ear the lights coming in? Hey, are you sure that'll be all the examination is over. Good. Bye What a crazy doctor imagine them coming in and oh hello Larry hello mr.. Benny happy birthday a little birthday party Wednesday And you're invited. Well, thanks mr.. Benny. You know my father celebrated his birthday yesterday really Larry How old is he? Well, he's 54, but he tells everybody he's 42. Oh How old are you? How old are you mr.. Benny? Well, he's 23, but he tells everybody he's 36 Mary 23 gee miss livington now. I'm sorry. I'm 22 why well look what's gonna happen to me in just one year Don't worry about a kid. Let's have Larry. I'm gonna ask you. How are you standing the cold weather out here in Chicago? Oh, I'm quite comfortable miss livingston. Thanks to mr.. Benny. Thanks to mr.. Benny. Yeah, he's letting me wear his Larry Well, they're a little too big for me around the seat, but they're warned He's talking about nothing nothing go ahead and sink it. It's the last time ever lend my preheated underwear to anybody I don't very good Larry and now ladies and gentlemen say mr.. Benny Yes, kid. Did you see that article in Collier's magazine that Larry Adler wrote in Collier's? Yes, it's all about you and your overseas trip all about me Well, I'm sorry. I didn't see it and there's a big picture of you in a two mr.. Benny a picture of me Say now that you mention it I think I did see it somewhere. What do you mean somewhere you've got an every wall in your hotel room papered with it I have not you have to you even got them pasted in the elevator shaft and when people ride up and down it'll look like moving pictures Now Mary and how you ever got him into the powder room. I'll Mary Thanks for listen stop laughing you get paid for this show Larry thanks for mentioning it and don't forget my birthday party at Jackson. Hello fellas Let's straighten up and fly around Well, I'm glad you got here. I just invited Larry to my birthday party. I want you to come too Hey, that's right. Wednesday is your birthday. Yeah, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you So bring out the bottle. I've got the corkscrew Well, that's pretty good sir. Congratulations many happy returns Jackson Thanks and say look guy much on speech making but I hope you live to be as old as you look Hey Phil what kind of a crack was that well, I was only kidding Jackson In fact, I got the boys in the orchestra to all chip in and buy you a present and here it is Present oh Gee isn't that nice a copy of what every young boy should know Deluxe edition Hey Jackson, huh Jackson turn to page 16 Page 60 that's 16. Go ahead turn to it. Okay This this book doesn't mince words What does it say Jack don't play with matches What a book thanks Phil say Jackson talking about your birthday you were born somewhere around here, weren't you? Yes, sir, a walkie and I'm going to bite a lot of my friends and relatives from there to my party my sister Florence my cousin Cliff Gordon Holly armament by the talk out Frank wall in the mayor Then I'm going to invite your old Morrison Julius Sineken and no, I'm not going to invite Julius when we went to school He used to pull my curls Well, he couldn't do it now with a pair of tweezers Oh, yeah, you'd be surprised sister what's under that glove Anyway, all my old friends are going to be at the party. Oh say Jack. Yes, Don as long as Phil gave you your birthday present I might as well give you mine, too. Oh, have you got a present for me done? Yes, Jack. Here it is all framed and everything. Let's see it Well done nobody else in the world would have ever thought of a present as sweet as this What is it Jack? It's a picture of Whistler's mother smoking a lucky strike Now this is one of the nicest gifts that I've There's the phone. I'll get it Hello, hello mr. Benny this is Rochester Rochester, where are you? I'm in St. Joe boss. Oh long distance. I'm glad you got in okay. Oh, not exactly. Okay I had a little financial trouble on the train Well, you shouldn't have I gave you the money for the trip. I know boss, but you figure things a little too close What do you mean at the station I bought a package of gum and weighed myself uh-huh and when I went to buy my ticket I was exactly six cents short Well, it's your old fall for spending money like that. What did you do then? Well, I got on the train anyway, and if it hadn't been for the extreme kindness of some sailors I wouldn't have had enough money for my fare. Why did they lend it to you? No, they faded me Accessor do you mean that you started a crap game with some sailors? Oh, no boss. No, I didn't start it You see there was seven sailors standing around in a circle discussing Einstein's theory of relativity Someone's up the pair of guys in Einstein when a dogchester you didn't have to get in the game I know but one of the boys said shooting even I couldn't refuse that call to battle stations There's no use talking about it anymore. How are things in St. Joe? Are the people excited about my coming excited boss there panicky What they're evacuating this town faster than that sir. Don't be silly. They love me in St. Joe Why I heard they've even got pictures of me all over town. Oh, they have boss. They have How do they look oh the pictures look good, but those words that are alive are definitely Rochester I know you're making that up. Anyway, I'll see you there next Thursday. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say boss now What I was only kidding people here are waiting to see you in fact They hear from all over the country. They are yes From Natchez the mobile from Memphis to St. Joe We're gonna love me there so long Rochester Fill your band number sound especially good tonight. Is this your regular orchestra? Oh, this is a bunch of musicians I picked up in Chicago. Oh, oh, and now ladies and gentlemen at the stockyards the stockyards Yes, I figured if I got them out there, they'd bring their horns with them Clever kid go button your cuffs and square your lid you boy you How lucky you are you know that you couldn't be on any other show but mine with that corny stuff What are you talking about Jackson? I'm gonna be on the Fitch bandwagon tonight the Fitch bandwagon Yes, and they're doing their broadcast here and gland you right from this stage, and I'm the guest star Well, congratulations Phil. Lots of luck Phil. Hey, what's going on Jack? What's all the excitement Phil's going on the bandwagon? Oh, well the way you congratulated him. I thought he was going on the water wagon Mary stop being ridiculous. Yeah That's to say yeah, yeah Now let's get back to our own show ladies and gentlemen Since we're at a naval air station tonight for our feature attraction We will present a dramatic sketch of the sea entitled boy was I seasick or you can't take it with you Mary there are only men on this ship, so you can't be in our place Well, I want to be in it. I can't help it. There's no part for you. You let me be in it I'll tell all these fellas that when you were in the Navy you saluted a barber pole because it had stripes on it. I Didn't salute. I just said hello Remly like that. Now. Let's get back to our play as the scene opens. I Captain Jack McBennie Commanding officer of an aircraft carrier. I'm standing on the bridge of my ship the USS Ulysses s sassafras Wipe your chin quiet We are on the high seas knifing silently through the night toward a secret a destination Captain McBennie, what is it ensign Harris? Well, we've been at sea 24 hours now and it's time to open the seal orders I have them here. Here. They are seal orders good. I'll open them From Captain Carson. Yeah, this must be it To Captain McBennie commanding officer of the USS Ulysses sassafras Somewhere in the Pacific. What does it say? It says load supplies move for Tokyo load supplies move for Tokyo Yeah, they sent it in cold LS MFT smoke signals Well, they can depend on us captain. This is the best aircraft carrier in the fleet. You said it say what's our longitude 62 degrees south our latitude 48 degrees. What's our altitude? Certainly, you know the last plane that took off. Yes, we're still tied to it We ought to watch those things Well captain here we are now 3000 feet over Albuquerque, that's right. I haven't been this high since last night at the silhouette club Answered Harris. We are now entering a blackout zone. Tell them that they mustn't show a light. Those are orders. Oh, yes, sir That's hi-hi. Oh, oh now men. We must take any chances turn out all the lights. Why can the enemy see us? No, but the audience can How did that wave get on deck? Carry out your orders Harris. I want total darkness. Hey you sailor, we're in a blackout put out that light But sir, I just let a lucky strike. I don't care blackout means total darkness Well lucky strike means fine tobacco. What lucky strike means fine tobacco. What lucky strike means fine tobacco, sir And if you must smoke go below deck. No, no captain. He's too heavy. Don't send it below deck. Why not? He isn't heavy enough to hurt this ship. I know but this will be the first flat top with a round bottom What are you laughing at? What a ship the crow's nest is full of eggs Listen, Murph. There's no crow's nest on this ship. Well, all I ate are five on the eggs Never mind that. I'm your superior officer salute me. Come on salute me. Okay. I am again 3000 feet over Albuquerque. Hey captain, isn't the captain supposed to stay with the ship? Certainly. Well, come on down Bob. Come on down And we're faced with a very great situation. We're on an important mission and a lot depends on it Somewhere out there is a pack of submarines and they're searching for us, but are we afraid? Of course not because our bottle is What's the idea of interrupting it? Who are you anyway? I'm Dick Powell Well, listen, what's the idea breaking it on my program? Well, I'm doing a play Well, my program follows you on the air. We're going to broadcast them here, too I'm on the Fitch bandwagon. I don't care if you're on the will-met bus Here you've got no right, but gosh, Jack. We've got to rehearse our show. We came here all the way from California What do you think we came from a gopher hole? I Didn't say that and brush the dirt off of your shoulders 1234 1234 testing testing wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who's that? That's my engineer. He's testing the microphone 1234 Where were we well we were sailing through the murky waters aboard our ship. Oh, yes And keep a sharp lookout. I know it's hard to see in this fog. But wait a minute. What's that hulking shape looming through the mist? Is it friend or foe? Now in your battle stations, I'll take a chance and yell Hello, you doing here. Oh, I'm with the Fitch bandwagon Oh, I haven't said look Andy. I'll talk to your eye and try to do a sketch now We're on the high seat here, Andy. Andy look at this. We're on the high seat. Well, I'll say that's not bad I'm not fighting through the murky water. Hey Andy, it's Coggle's got the biggest loop Don't let you I'm gonna finish this way if it's the last thing I do but Jack Jack you've only got 10 seconds left All right, then I'll do it fast. Okay, man to your battle station and I aircraft. There's the enemy fire. Oh Boy, we got 200 planes. Jack. Those were pigeons. Those were pigeons. You're still over Albuquerque I will finish the sketch and same Joe. They love me there First here's my good friend FB boom Mr. Lucian H. Purdom of Springfield, Kentucky has been an independent tobacco auctioneer for 31 years He said there can be no substitute for fine tobacco if you want a real enjoyable smoke season after season I see lucky strikes elect the lighter milder tobacco. That's why I've smoked luckies for over 18 years Independent tobacco experts like mr. Purdom know that it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike the famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's programmer mr. FB boon of Lexington, Kentucky L.A. Speed Rigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina This is the national broadcasting company KFI Los Angeles