 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Ash with Alan Reed as the squally. Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Mama Mia, is a many interesting things are here in America and one of the most interesting is the newspaper. Newspaper in America is a place where they got lots of big advertisements and a little pieces of the news are stuck in between. Newspaper here is coming at three sizes, a small, medium and a Sunday size which is used to hold up a shorter leg of a table. I remember Mama Mia when I'm a first to come to America, I'm a look around. But it's hard to see the people's faces. Everybody is reading a newspaper. First time I think is a wonderful thing how American people, they all interested in the news. I'm wondering what the Canada be so interested in. Situation in Russia, what's happened in China, United Nations conferences. Then I find out there is something even bigger than that. Dick Tracy. Mama Mia, over here seems like everybody is reading what they call the funny. So I'm going to read the funny's of truth. And what they see. Man is a fall into a sewer and he's a drown. Old lady is a pushed into a cement mixer. Little girl is a looker for her uncle who got killed in Africa ten years ago. Mama Mia, things of which in America they put in the funny's. In Italy we put in the obituary column. Anyway, I'm a real American and I read the newspaper every day. But it's a funny thing. Paper on the by is a never changer headline. No matter how the weather is, nice, the bad, the cloudy, snow rain. On the top of my paper is all the way to say the same thing. Chicago sun. And the right to now I can use a plenty of sun because I'm a catch, a little cold. Maybe I should have go to sleep early and take a milk and a honey like you used to give me mama. But I'm in a lover with a my night to school class. So much I'm in a love that I hate to miss even a one lesson. So I'm a go right to now. Tensions. I'll call the row now. Mr. Backo. Here. Mr. Harwick. Here. Mr. Olson. Here. Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz. Are you here? Peek-a-boo. Mr. Schultz, sit up on your seat. I see you. Oh, Mr. Backo. Yes, Mr. Spaulding. Do you remember about three weeks ago I asked you to speak to the Boy Scout troop in this neighborhood about the differences in health conditions in Italy and America? Yes, I remember. Well, the meeting has been set for seven o'clock tomorrow night and they'll be expecting you then. Well, I'm going to be very glad to give that speech, Mr. Spaulding, except for one thing. What's that? I've got a cold. Oh, John, Luigi, you look to me like you have a 108 degree fever. It don't look so hot to me. Mr. Backo, I think you look all right. What makes you think you have a cold? Well, I'm not to feel it so good and I've got a sniff. Uh-huh. Something's wrong with Luigi's sniffler. Hey, Luigi, maybe you have pneumonia. I don't know, Olson. I've never been a sucker before. Mr. Luigi couldn't have it. Before you can have pneumonia, you've got to have old pneumonia. Old pneumonia. Oh, Mr. Backo, I'm sure it's nothing serious. You'll be able to speak to the Boy Scout tomorrow night. Are you doing anything for the cold? Well, I'm going to try to cure it with all the remedy that my uncle Pietro is going to show me in Italy. I'm a filler stuck in it with a hot salt. Hot salt? Yes, and I'm aware of it around and around and around in my head for a half hour. Did you get any better? No worse. I got a sore arm. And the rest of the night, I'm going to try another uncle Pietro remedy. I'm going to sleep with a garlic bread under my pillow. What happened? This morning, nobody's to talk to me. Please, Mr. Spalding, what I can do to take care of my cold? Well, I'm sure those old-fashioned remedies won't help. But you should do something right away. A cold should be nipped in the bud. That's right, Luigi. Listen to me, Spalding. The best thing for a cold is a little nip. That is not what I meant, Mr. Schultz. Now, Mr. Backo, when you give your health talk tomorrow, you should use yourself as an example. Really, you can't cure a cold with old-fashioned methods, and modern medicine teaches us that very often when we get a cold, the best thing to do is to go out and get a shot. Mrs. Spalding, and nobody's are going to shoot at me. No, Mr. Backo, I meant a shot of penicillin. Your doctor will give it to you if you need it. Now, just get a good night's sleep, and I'm sure by tomorrow night you'll be in fine shape for your speech. Thank you, Mrs. Spalding. I'm going to be there tomorrow night. Luigi, I got a good remedy for you. You mix six quarts of hot water with a pound ebbs and voids. You're in there, Mr. Luigi. Soak your feet in it tonight. Soak your feet, my goodness! Well, what's the matter, Schultz? Last time I had the cold, I drank it. Well, I'm going to join you. Hello, Schultz. Oh, listen to me. I'm like a little baby. My breath is coming in sharp hands. Schultz, Schultz, I'm going to feel a little worried about going to a doctor. If I'm going to see a doctor, he's going to jump out of me with a needle. Luigi, smile! Don't be a coward! Like we say in the delicadesan business, a coward dies a thousand times, but a brave man eats last week's potatoes all at once. Schultz! Schultz! I'm not going to understand the way I catch you, this is called. All the day long I'm a sinner in the house. I'm never going to sleep. Aha! That's your trouble, no fresh air. You've got to have fresh air, Luigi. Look at my cousin Wolfgang. No, for a year he was in the street. Day or night, plenty of fresh air, never had a cold. Always walking around in the street, winter and summer. How is he now, Schultz? Well, I ain't seen him, Luigi. Last week he found an apartment. Oh, the sneaky one, Luigi. As I look like I'm not going to be able to make that speech tomorrow. Hello, Mr. Basko, hello, Mr. Schultz. Oh, hello, Vandy. Hello, Sandy, how's your mama? Oh, she's feeling much better, Mr. Basko. Good. You won't have to take me to the movies again this Saturday. Oh, that's too bad. I'm ahead to Mr. Superman episode. Mr. Basko, I'm going to see it a mile when you give your speech. Oh, are you a little boy scout, Sandy? I'm a big boy scout. Tomorrow night at the meetings, they're going to make me a tenderfoot. Tenderfoot? Luigi, don't you understand? He's talking about his initiation. That's right, Mr. Schultz. Schultz, tomorrow night is a tenderfoot. They make him wear tight shoes. Gesundheit. What? Gesundheit. Schultz, so here's a speck of finer German. Well, the height is good, but the gesundheit is a little schwach. Hey, Mr. Basko, have you got a cold? No, oh, I'm a finer Sandy. I'm all the way the sneezer when it's a bigger wind than a straight. I'm all right. That's right, one good blow deserves another. Mr. Basko, I hope you can make that speech tomorrow night. If you don't come, the meeting will be yours, and I won't become a tenderfoot for another month. Oh, is that so? Well, don't worry, Sandy. I'm not going to be there. Oh, that's well, Mr. Basko. Well, goodbye. You go by Sandy. I'll be sure to give a merry-go-round to your mama, huh? Schultz, now I'm going to get the better. What am I going to do? Well, you ought to go see a doctor. Oh, I wish I could recommend you to my doctor. Why can't you? This week he's sick. What am I going to find a doctor? I'm going to have a doctor in America. But Luigi, go to a hospital. They cure everybody. The place is full of good doctors. Oh, no, Schultz. I don't go there. Why not? If the doctors are so good, why is the hospital all the way to full of sick people? Goodbye. Basko, that's a matter, Luigi. You're looking bad. Like you got a one-hand in the grave. Basko, that's a long story. I'm going to have a cold, and I'm going to spoil it, and say I'm going to be ready for speech tomorrow night. So I should go out and get a shot. Schultz is a doctor. He's sick. He's sending me to the hospital, but I don't go. I go home. Sure. She'll go to everybody, but you best friend to Pascuali who's bringing you here from the older country. And what's happening? Nothing. Why are you running around like a crazy plumber looking for a leak in the faucet when all the time you could come straight to the drip? You're so right to Pascuali. Nobody's a bigger drip than you are. It's a funny thing. When I'm saying it, it's a sound of difference. That's a sound of bad. Trouble with you is you're living too much alone. You need somebody to take care of you. Somebody who's going to feed you, bring you a pipe, or put a slippers under your feet, and when you go to sleep, we're going to give you a good night of care. Pascuali, are you going to do all of this for me? No. You was married to my rosa, you wouldn't have been sick about. Pascuali, I'm not going to marry your rosa. She's a little fatter for me. No way. You call it 250 pounds of fat. Pascuali, you call it 250 pounds of skinny? You see? Even you ain't sure. Please, Pascuali, I'm not going to... It's a matter of which you look a bad. Oh, Luigi, look, it's not time for you to refuse to help, but you look like you're not going to help. You refuse to help, but you look like you're heading for the last around the house. Pascuali. Tell me. Well, I've got experience in such a thing. Luigi, you got eye tritis. Pascuali, is that a bad? Terrible. Come here. Look through the window. You see those assigns? They're three blocks away. Read them to me. Pascuali, I can already do those assigns. Uh-huh. Just like I'm a talker. Sign us a trouble. Luigi, answer the telephone. Pascuali, what are you talking about? I'm a not-to-hear-no-ring. Oh, Luigi, you is. It's a ring and it's so loud. I'm going to take it to the telephone. Come here, Luigi. I'm going to put this at the mob in your mouth to see how much a fever you got. But the pleasure... Close your mouth. Don't talk. Don't worry, Luigi. I'm going to take care of you. It's a special medicine for people who suffer so much. They suffer tires all. I'm going to stand the roses. She's going to get it for you. No, no. Don't talk. Keep your mouth closed. Your blood is going to rush into your head. That's a high blood pressure. Some people, they've got a blood in the feet. That's a low blood pressure. So you just sit there quiet to keep your blood in the middle where it's going to be nice and happy. All right, all right. Now I'm going to look at the thermometer. Let me see you. Luigi, I've got a bad news. Are you burning up? What quality? How much a fever I got? 99. Is that the bad? Terrible. One more point till you die. Life with Luigi continues in just a moment. But first, and now for the second act of Luigi Vasco's adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. Today I'm supposed to make a speech on the difference between a health in Italy and in America. And today I'm as sick as a dog. I don't want to disappoint American Boy Scouts. And I want to make sure a little sandy as a foot is going to be penned. So I try very hard to get the better. But Squally, he's going to give me lots of advice but I'm going to think there's no health. He says, I got a cold and I'm going to bring it down in the fever. So now I'm sitting on a cake of ice by the open window with electric fan blowing into my face. This is supposed to bring my temperature down to normal. Fifty degrees. Squally has come in here a little while ago and he says, I'm a look of fine and my face is a full of color. But to my mummy, I'm a little worried. The color is a blue. I think he's getting too cold for me now even though he's going to make a Squally angry, I'm going to put on some underwear. Anyway... Luigi! Hello, Schwarz. Luigi, you silly! What are you doing? Get off the cake of ice! Turn off that fan closed the window and put on some clothes. You look like a frozen boob-sicker. Because Squally is telling me if I do this, I'm going to get better. Oh, stop scheming, Squally. He'll do anything to make you sick so that Rosa can take care of you. Now I bet you're going to catch virus eggs. Virus eggs? Watch that, Schwarz. Everybody's catching that Luigi. That's a mysterious thickness. The doctors don't know where it comes from. They think maybe it's a germ. They're testing guinea pigs, rabbits, mouses. But I think I know where virus eggs come from. You do? It's simple. Virus eggs come from virus shake moves. I'm trying to cheer you up. Luigi, didn't you go to the half-biddle like I told you? No, Schwarz, I was afraid. Oh, stop that talk, Luigi. You're going to make that speech tonight. You're going to get to a doctor. But, Schwarz, I'm afraid to get a shot. Luigi, don't be a dumb cop. Now come. We look in the paper for a doctor. All right. There's no doctor here. Here's something. Hickarks will spend us. Luigi, that wouldn't cure your cold. But when you are feeling low, it will hold you up. Schwarz, is there no doctor out of a tithe in the crepes? But let me see. Here's the sports page. There wouldn't be nothing there. Here's something, Luigi. In case of emergency, call Dr. T. V. Chone. Schwarz, let me see. Dr. T. V. Jones. Veterinarian. Schwarz, what does this mean, a veterinarian? Doctor Doctor, but treat weapons. He must have had a lot of experience. You're going to see him right now, huh? But Schwarz, I'm afraid of what the doctor is going to do to me. All right, all right. I got the idea. Now you go to Dr. Chone, make him believe you're asking for somebody else. Then if you find that you're not afraid, tell him you are the patient. That's fine, Schwarz. I'm going to go right to now. The signer says, Dr. T. V. Jones, the vet. Well, he's a funny kind of doctor with a horse on a sign. I guess he wants to show he's a nice man. He's a love animal. Well, I'm going to go right in and I'll do like Schwarz just said. I want to say I'm the patient. All I say is somebody else. Dr. Jones? Yes, come right in, please. Doctor, I'm going to come to see you about somebody who's very close to me. Oh, I know just how you feel. He probably pulls your wagon every day. What? Tell me, this patient, is it a Philly? No, is it not that from a Philly, is it from a Chicago? You don't understand. Is it a cold? Oh, you smile at the doctor. Surely he's got a cold, all right? Very by the cold. Well, what makes you think he has a cold? Well, a doctor is fit. They feel a shake. All four? No, just the two. That's odd. This is a rather unusual case. How's he taking his food? Oh, his appetite is a good. Has he been eating his hay? Hay. He doesn't ever eat the hay. Uh, oats? He's never ate oats. Well, strange. What does he have for breakfast? I'll introduce two soft-boiled eggs and a cup of coffee. Soft-boiled eggs? How does he eat them? With a spoon? This is what I've got to see for myself. Where is the patient? Where's the doctor? Before you treat the patient. You tell him what you're going to do to cure him. The ordinary procedure? First we get him warmed up. How you do this? We run him around a mile track three or four times. And you'll be happy to know we never use a whip. I'm happy to know that. Then we wash him with a hose and rub him down with three or four gallons of liniments. Three or four gallons? Yeah, sometimes they don't like it. So we have a couple of heavy men sit on them to hold them down. Of course, when they try to run out, we hold on to them by the tail. By the tail? But this treatment's used only for colds. If we find they have a broken leg, we shoot them. Mamma mia, what's the kind of passion you've got? Only the finest. Why, I had one frisky fellow in here three months, really in bad shape. I gave him the treatment I just outlined to you. Last week he came in first at Santa Anita. I'm really proud of that little fella. A little fella. Yeah, just a two-year-old. He was a wreck when I first saw him. Then I gave him some of my own specially prepared medicine. Now just take a look at his picture on my desk here and see the tremendous change. Mamma mia, now he's a horse. And I guarantee you all my patients will look exactly like that when I get through with them. So what do you think? Go buy it after that. Lady, I'd say the most astute for the story I ever heard. Just when I'm a star of thinking you've got a substance, always you make a liar out of me. Come here. I put a saddle out of you, my little excitation. Pusquale, don't make a fun of me. I know he's all of my fault. And listen to you. You even got a horse in your throat. Please, Pusquale, don't mention that word of horse. Well, I'm going to leave it now for that boy scout to meet you. Now you're not a move until I'm going to take your temperature. Pusquale. Just keep your mouth to close. That's all. Hello, Mr. Pusquale. Hello, Mr. Basto. I was looking for you. I thought maybe we'd go to the meeting together. Please, little boy. Can't you see I'm taking his temperature? Now let me see what it's to say. A hundred and a three degrees. Luigi, you sure you ain't dead? No, just a little warm. Hello, Sandy. Come on. We go to the meeting. You're staying right ahead. No, Pusquale. I promise you, Sandy, I'm not going to disappoint the boy scout. So come on, Sandy. All right. Wait, Luigi. I go with you. You might be talking in a faint, so I'm going to be there to hold you up. Thank you, Pusquale. You're a real friend. And so I'm going to finish my speech to you, nice to boy scouts, by telling you to watch who you have, and to take advantage of all of the wonderful and new discoveries in America that you've got in America. If you're sick and you've got to get a shot, then don't be afraid. Take it. Of course, if you've got a broken leg or something else, then they've got to shoot you. I make a mistake here. That's a horse of... I mean, that's the people of a different color. People, I'm going to get it all mixed up. I'm going to finish. Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Basko, for your inspirational talk. As Scoutmaster of Troop Number 49, may I say it's something we'll always remember. And I'll refreshments, everybody. Hey, Luigi, you make a pretty good speech. You surprised me. Thank you, Pusquale. Don't be afraid to take a shot, eh? How's it going to look if I'm going to stand up and tell everybody that you're sick and you're afraid to take a shot of yourself, eh? You're going to be the laughing stock with these boyscouts. Oh, please, please, Pusquale, don't tell that. I'd do anything. Anything, Luigi? Pusquale, don't make me marry Russia. All right to my little man. I won't ask you to marry, Rosa. Thank you, Pusquale. Just to get engaged. For five minutes. For Pusquale, what if it's not to work out? Then I'm going to tell her the boyscouts. They may be laughing at you for the rest of your life. Well, little man, what do you say? Well, I don't know. All right, all right, Pusquale. I go back to the restaurant with you. Isn't that the necessary? My little baby, she's been waiting for you right in the back all the time. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Hey, Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Don't just stand there. You're new bridegroomers who want to hear you voice. Say something as soft and as sweet as Luigi. Attention, Scots, attention. I just learned something from our fellow trooper, Sandy. It's his first good deed at the new Tenderfoot, and he's told us something we should all know. It seems Mr. Basco kept his promise tonight by coming here and addressing us in spite of a great handicapped. He spoke to us with 103 degrees fever. Now that's a lesson in courage. Pusquale, before you make me feel very bad, now you see I'm a good thing about coming here. Well, I'm never going to your store, and I'm never going to see Rosa again. Mr. Basco, I want to thank you for coming here. I know that you're anxious to return home and get well, and our troop wants to help you. We have a volunteer who will act in the capacity of a nurse in true scout tradition until you return to health. Oh, thank you, Mr. Scout, the master. Is it going to be you? No. You, Sandy? No. Then which one of you is it going to be? Mr. Pusquale's daughter, Rosa. Back to the horses again. Hello, Mamma Mia. It's to take a speech and a little boy scout to teach you me more about the health than I've ever known before. Also, I'm a learner from boy scouts to be brave. But the Mamma Mia right now is a doctor here in my room, and yes, the Mamma Mia, your son, is going to get his first shot. Mamma Mia, I just got it, and I don't know how to tell her. However, of course, someone out there is going to be able to sit down for a while. But that's so much better than it to be sick. Well, is it getting late now? So, like the little Fiske boy say, it's time to retire, so I'm going to say goodnight to Mamma Mia. You're a loving son of Luigi Bosco. Honorary boy scout, group of 49, Deli Limmigrant. Next week at the same time, over most of these stations, when Luigi Bosco writes another letter to his Mamma Bosco, describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production, and is written by Max Benhoff, Lou Berman and Psy Howard, and stars J. Carol Nash is Luigi Bosco, with Alan Reed as the scout. Music under the direction of Lynn Murray, Bob Keaton speaking.