 J. T. L. L. O. The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with for no rhyme or reason. I know you've often heard people say, today was a red letter day for me. Well, let me tell you any day can be a red letter day by those big red letters on the Jell-O box. Well, they spell Jell-O, and Jell-O spells a treat. That name is your guarantee of grand desserts, because the name Jell-O is a trademark. It's the property of general foods, and it tells you here is the genuine, the one and only Jell-O. If you hear any other Jell-O dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that is incorrect, and that's why we ask you to insist on Jell-O by name. For Jell-O brings you that delicious, extra rich fruit flavor, a wonderful refreshing fruit freshness that just can't be topped. Now when you go to your grocer, don't accept any substitutes. Those big red letters spell red letter desserts, for they spell Jell-O. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to announce that next week this program will move to the new NBC studios on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. So tonight, folks, let us bid adieu to this old room, where for three years every Sunday night, you have heard that same old sweet voice saying, Jell-O again, this is Jack Denny Talkies. Thank you, thank you. Well, Don, this is our farewell performance under this old roof. Just think, after three years of work and worry and fun, we got to move. I don't know how you feel about it, Don, but I'm ready to go over in the corner and have a good cry. Oh, Jack, I wouldn't take it that hard. After all, it's just moving from one studio to the other, that's all. I know, Don, but I'm sentimental, and I just can't stand changes. I felt the same way when they raised the prices at the Brown Derby. But I'm built that way, and there's nothing I can do about it. But, Jack, this new studio will be wonderful. It's modern and gay, it's full of bright lights and decorations. Don, none of that, please. I'm not a child that can be bought with chromium and tinsel. You can't tell me anything. I made up my mind to be brokenhearted tonight and I'm going to stay that way. But, Jack, you're so silly. After all, this is only a building with so much brick and steel and cement. Brick, steel and cement, that's enough, Don. That's like saying garbo is a rag of bone and a hunk of hair. You're just cold and callous. Now, wait a minute, Jack, I've got feelings. Why, I've got more sentiment in my little finger than you have in your whole body. Your little finger. Your legs are land that were smaller than that. You and your feelings. Don is right, Jack, you're always making a mountain out of nothing. What's there to be sad about? Yeah, why are you always trying to get sympathy? You haven't got any more sentiment for this building than a termite. Oh, I haven't, eh? I haven't got any sentiment, eh? Well, let me show you something, Phil. You see my watch chain here? You think that's an elk's tooth hanging on it, don't you? Well, it's not. This tooth belonged to the first girl I ever went out with. Rosie Gum. And another thing, you know that big moose head that hangs in my den? If that's her mother, I'll scream. Well, it's not. If you want to know something, I got that moose head. Come in. Pardon me, Mr. Benny, but we were sent over here to move the furniture out of the room. The furniture already? Yeah, come on, Mervin. Okay, Laverne. Well, for heaven's sake, can't they even wait until we're through? We've been here three years, another 10 minutes isn't going to make any difference. That's our business, buddy. Grab that chair, Mervin. Okay. Imagine that, fellas, all this rush to get over into that new building. Well, what's the matter with that new building? Don't you believe in progress? Don't you believe in the advancement of radio? Well, certainly I do. But listen, Phil, you should be the last one to want to go into that new studio. Why? Because when we get there, your orchestra will have to wear shoes. That's why. Oh, yeah? They're going to wear shoes next Sunday night, and that's an order. Order or no order, you're going to see plenty of bunions tap in time. Find a bunch of artists you got. Eight hillbillies, four huckleberry fins, and a zoo. Phil, I wish you'd tell your first violinist, incidentally, to stop selling sandwiches while the program is going on. Well, he's got to make a living some way. A lot of my expense. I bought a three-decker from him last week, and all it had in it was a strip of bacon and two bars of the Lambeth Walk. And I'll tell you one thing, Phil. Hey, Mervyn, give me a hand with this ashtray, will you? The ashtray, I got it. Together now. I give you my word of honor, folks. That ashtray doesn't weigh over three ounces. Now, look, be as quiet as you can, will you, fellas? Okay, okay, we'll watch it. Gee, he's a fuss-budget, ain't he, Laverne? Yeah. Gee, Mary, look at him taking those chairs out. I can't bear to watch it. Just think, we spent three years working in this one little room. Yeah. We've got to leave. Oh, well, we've had some mighty funny programs come out of here. We've had some mighty other kind, too. Well, naturally, we can't always click. Even a castanet misses once in a while. Gee, Mary, don't you feel sad about leaving here? Do I? What do you think I got on this piece of paper? Hey, Mervyn. What? I'll bet it's one of them lousy poems. Now, you keep out of this. Is it a poem, Mary? Yes, it's a farewell to this old studio. Well, this is one time I'll appreciate it. What's the title of your poem? I've got those. I hate to leave this studio with its fond memories where I've spent so many happy days blues. Well, take a deep breath and start the poem. Okay. I feel so lonely, sad, and blue, I could bite my nails and say boo-hoo. For today we move, this gang and me, from NBC to NBC. That's very clever, Mary. Now get funny. You may say, what does it matter? But here we've heard Jack's funny chatter. It brought a smile, a laugh, a roar. That's right. And now and then a great big snore. Mary, I feel bad enough as it is. When programs here we did begin, Don Wilson only had one chin. Hey, he did at that. And little me was sweet 16. And Kenny looked like Bobby Breen. Gee, and it seemed like yesterday. Hey Laverne, ain't that something? Yeah, have you got an aspirin? That all, Mary? One more verse. In my throat there is a lump, as we leave the dear old dump. Dump? So here's good luck and loss of joy from Flatfoot Mary with a Floyd Floyd. Well, I thought that was one of your best poems that was simply grand. And you know, Jack, I wrote that one in bed. In bed, huh? Yeah. Was I surprised when I woke up? Well, imagine there would be a shock. And our folks, Phil Harrison, his orchestra will play a brand new peppy tune called What Have You Got That Gets Me. Are you ready, Phil? All set. Hey, Mervyn, shall we dance? Yes, comrade, let's. Play, Phil. I'll collect the tickets. The god that gets me, played by Phil Harrison, his orchestra. Say, Phil, that number is from my new Paramount picture. Artisan model's abroad. I know. That's why I played it. Well, it's a swell tune. And you know, Phil, originally, I sang a whole chorus of that number to Joan Bennett in one of our love scenes. Didn't I, Mary? Yeah, but the cotton in her ear showed, so they had to cut it out. It wasn't the reason at all. They just didn't want me to conflict with Crosby. After all, we both worked for the same studio. Well, how does the picture look, Jack? I mean, how are you in it? Oh, I'd rather not talk about it, Don. You know, it'll sound like I'm conceded and I'm bragging, you know. Wait until it comes out, and you'll see for yourself how great I am. No kidding. Now, on the level, you know, now here, I'm supposed to be a comedian. Yet, I handled the love interest with Joan Bennett about as well as, well, I won't say better, but as well as any lover on the screen. And believe me, I'm sincere. Oh, sure, sure. Well, I did. Why, Jack, I saw it, and you didn't kiss Joan once in the whole picture. Well, I... Well, what's that, Jack? You didn't even kiss Joan Bennett? Well, Heavens knows I tried to. Phil, she's as quick as a deer. But you know, there was one other scene I had, fellas. Now, you talk about pathos. Well... Hey, Mervyn, bring over the stepladder. I want to take these drapes down. The stepladder. Now, Phil, you talk about pathos. Here it is, Laverne. Oh, it's steady now. Now, you talk about pathos. There's one scene where Joan and I quarrel and she says goodbye and leaves me. And there's a look that comes over my face that... Isn't that awful? Did you hurt yourself, Laverne? Yeah, I banged my elbow. Oh, I'll kiss it for you. Oh, what's the use? Let's forget my picture, will you, fellas? We're way ahead of you. Hmm. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Wait a minute. Was there any place in the picture where you were able to mention Jello? You know, you told me you'd try. Well, Don, it was very difficult. You see, the story is laid. Hey, Mervyn, take these pictures and load them on a truck. Okay. You see, the story is laid in Paris. Well, Joan and I had one scene in a restaurant, but I didn't know how to order Jello in French. Jack, all you had to say was, garçon de la moise de Jello. Oh, donnie moise de Jello. I see. Well, supposing the waiter asked me, what's play ball? Well, there you could have said, I want z'estroberie, or asberie, charie, orage, limon, or ze lime. Don, that's about as French as corn, beef, and cabbage. Well, I pray not. I suppose I should have asked to see z'e big rouge, la terre, as un z'e facade. Anyway, it's too late now, Don. Hey, Mervyn, hand me that screwdriver, will ya? Oui, oui, monsieur. Oh, go away. Say, fellas, it's about time for Kenny's song. Where is he? I don't know. I haven't seen him. See, he comes in whenever he feels like it. Oh, well, if he doesn't show up, I'll sing. Hey, hey, hey! Hello, Jack. Gee, I'm burned up. Well, so am I. Where were you? You should have been here when the show started. Well, it's not my fault I'm late. I got here an hour ago. Well, what happened? Well, every time I try to come into the studio, two guys have picked me up and thrown me in a truck. Darn those movers. What did they think you were? A statue or something? Oh, I guess the one guy said, careful, don't drop it. Well, Kenny, that's the topper. You didn't have to be shoved around like that. Why didn't you tell those monks to let you alone? I thought it was part of the program. Oh, you did. Bend over, Kenny. Like this? Yeah. Ouch. That's part of the program, too. It's getting to be more fun every year. It sure is. Now, let's drop it. It's time for your song. What are you going to sing? Well, at first, I was going to sing. You go to my head. Uh-huh. And then I said to myself, no, Kenny, why don't you sing Now It Can't Be Told? Oh. And then I thought it over and said, Kenny Baker, the song. Well, it cut a long story short, Kenny. What's it going to be? Oh, I'm so mixed up now the heck with it. The heck with nothing. Go ahead with your song. Hey, Mervyn, give me a hand with this, will you? I got it. Put him down. He's got a safe. Now, listen, you fellas, I've had just about enough from you. You can finish all of this moving later. Ah, pipe down, you old mackerel. Mackerel, those are fighting words, brother. Yeah? Would you want to make something out of it? You're just lucky I got this cold. Sing, Kenny. I've got a date with a dream, dream divine. I've got a date with a dream. Got to hurry up. Oh, corner becomes a corner of heaven. The clock would tick faster. I wish the weary day would hurry by. The sun would start to leave. I've got a date with a dream. I've got a date with a dream. I've got a date with a dream sung by Kenny Baker. And that was swell, Kenny. You were an excellent voice. Thanks, Jack, and it was quite of you to admit it. Well, there's nothing... There's nothing quite about it. You have a marvelous voice, and there's no getting away from it. Oh, but so darn marvelous. What do you want to get away from it for? I don't want to get away from it. I paid you a compliment, you little brat. You did? Yes. Bend over, Kenny. If you beat that Mary, you pay a fellow compliment. He don't know what you're talking about. Well, it's your own fault. You always try to mix them up. Yeah, why don't you pick on somebody your size? That's what I say. Now listen, you guys. Yeah. Get away from me. You'll catch my cold. And now, folks, if I may be permitted to talk on my own program, I would like to announce that next Sunday night we will again attempt a stupendous and artistic dramatic triumph. We are going to present none other than the... Hold it, Jack. Come in. Come here. Well, well, the mayor of Van was sure glad to see you. Gee, I thought you forgot about us this year. What if you finally showed up? Yes, sir, and I better be terrific. Well, make yourself at home, Andy. This is your hangout. Hiya, Mayor. Hello, Curly. How are all the girls? Are they still chasing you? They sure are, Andy. Well, if you get out of breath, let me know. Hey, Andy, look who's here. Hello, Your Honor. Hello, Mary. I'll give you a kiss if I thought you'd appreciate it. I won't, so un-pucker. Well, that's settled. We don't have to waste a sound effect there. Hey, and there's Kenny. What have you been doing, kid? Oh, just singing and bending over. Hey, Andy, you're not going to forget your old friend Don Wilson, are you? I should say not. Hello, Don. Hello, Andy. You put on a little weight, haven't you? Hey, one at a time, fellas. Well, Andy, we're sure glad to have you with us again. Tell me, did you have a good time this summer? I had a swell time, Buck. I went to Honolulu and I took Ma and Paul on. The Honolulu? Say, that must have been a real vacation. See, I could just picture your Paul with those Hawaiian girls and their grass skirts there. Wow! Oh, he didn't hang around too much. What's the matter? Was he bashful? Oh, it wasn't that, Buck. Ma had him on a leash. Oh, she had him on a leash. Hey, how did it work out? Well, not so good. We had trouble getting him into restaurants. Oh. Well, anyway, Andy, I envy you. I should have waited a little bit there, Paul. Anyway, Andy, I really envy you that trip. Gee, I remember when I was there and saw those beautiful hula dancers. See, they are gorgeous. But then that's nothing compared with the marvelous scenery, the palm trees, the tropical flowers, and the coloring of the sky against the blue Pacific. Yes, sir, they sure can wiggle. Andy, I wish you'd keep up with the conversation. I was talking about the flowers and scenery. Oh, I can enjoy that stuff when I'm on the Townsend plan. That's right. Hey, say, Andy, how about the boat trip? Did you enjoy your boat trip? I sure did. But there was one day when it was awful rough. You want to hear about it? Yeah, bend over, Andy. Don't bother. We can hear about it later. What do you got in that package, Andy? Oh, I nearly forgot. Here, Mark, here's a little present I brought you. A present? Well, something from Honolulu, huh? Go ahead and open it. Gee, that was sweetie, Andy. Gee, where is it? Oh, fellas, look at this. A real pineapple. Gee. Gosh, I don't know what to say. I've always wanted one of these. Well, for heaven's sake, Jack, you can buy one at any grocery store. Not one like this. This is a real Hawaiian pineapple. I know, because when I was over there, I used to look up and see thousands of them growing on the trees. Why, Jack, you couldn't have looked up because pineapples don't grow on trees. They're plants, and they grow right out of the ground. Well, this was years ago. I was short then. Don't tell me about pineapples. Jack, you must be thinking of coconuts. I'm not thinking of coconuts. I'm telling you, fellas, I used to look up and see the pineapple. Why, you couldn't have looked up and seen it. Listen, a full-grown pineapple plant is only three feet high. How tall were you at the time? One foot six, and shut up. Anyway, it was mighty sweetie, Andy. Thanks for the pineapple. You're welcome. Bring some cottage cheese next Sunday. We'll make a salad. Oh, no, no. This is mine. Stick around, Andy, right after the program. I'll take you over to my place for a real home-cooked dinner. Gee, I'm hungry. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce before, next Sunday night, we're going to present a stupendous and artistic dramatic triumph that we feel will... I'll answer. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Oh, you. What do you want? Are you planning to come home for dinner tonight? Well, certainly I am. Well, if you want something to eat, you better bring that pineapple. What are you talking about? There was plenty of food in the icebox when I left the house this morning. What happened to it? In the witch? In the icebox. When I left this morning, it was just bulging with food. Well, the swelling's gone down, man. Rochester, did you throw another party this afternoon? Well, come to think of it, a few of my friends dropped in for some tea and donuts. Now, listen, if you just served tea and donuts, what happened to all those lamb chops? Well, I ran out of donuts. Yes? So we bored holes in the chops and dunked them. That's fine. And what happened to that big roast turkey that was there? Oh, that. Yeah. That was first prize in the bingo game. Well, that's the last straw. You got a lot of nerve inviting people to the house without my permission. Well, I went to college with them. I don't care where you went. See that you have some food in the house when I get there. OK. Goodbye. Say, boy. What? As long as you're coming home, will you bring my fan mail? And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce, next Sunday night, we're going to present a stupendous and artistic dramatic triumph that we feel... All right, Marvin, we're nearly through. Let's take up this rug. OK, get off, buddy. Now, wait a minute. I thought you guys had gone. Now, you're not going to take this rug until we're through with our program. I'm standing on it, and I won't get off. Now, you bet you're too old to do a backflip. I am, eh? Well, I'm not budging off this rug. Come on, Marvin. He asked for it. OK. That's the last straw. Listen, you mugs. I'm going to take this up with a head of NBC. Who do you think I am? Oh, pardon me, Mr. Swallow. I didn't recognize you in those overalls. Playing field. Ladies and gentlemen, it's not true. There's nothing new under the sun. There is. I know. It's new and it's delicious. It's the new Jell-O butterscotch pudding, one of the grandest desserts you ever dipped a spoon in. It's mellow in its creamy smooth. It's rich and glossy looking with a tempting toffee color. It's luscious with good old fashioned brown sugar. In other words, it's a swell dish. And the Jell-O butterscotch pudding is only one of three new Jell-O puddings. There's vanilla, real vanilla, a delicate creamy pudding dessert with a wonderful flavor. And there's chocolate, rich and smooth and chocolaty. And all three Jell-O puddings are amazingly quick and easy to prepare with just a few moments' cooking. Simple directions are in every package. And take my word for it, for I've tried them all. You get real homemade pudding with a perfect satin smoothness of texture and a rich, full flavor that can't be beat. So try all three and try them soon. The best way is to buy three packages at a time. Jell-O butterscotch, vanilla, and chocolate pudding. Three prize-winning new desserts your family is going to go for. We ran overtime, so good night, folks. Kenny Baker pairs on the Jell-O program for courtesy of Mervyn Luroy Productions. This is an actual broadcasting problem.