 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. LUCKIES are milder, smoother and milder with never a rough puff. Yes, scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. These scientific tests are confirmed by three independent consulting laboratories and they prove Lucky Strike, mildest of six major brands tested. There's no doubt. When you light up a lucky, you get a smoother smoking, milder tasting cigarette. And you enjoy the rich taste of fine tobacco because... LS, MFT, LS, MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you more real deep down smoking enjoyment. So, for the rich taste of fine tobacco, for smoothness and mildness with never a rough puff, light up a lucky. Yes, prove to yourself what scientific tests prove. Lucky Strike is milder than any other principle brand of cigarettes. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Philaris Rochester, Dennis Dane, yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, today is Mother's Day. And in honor of that occasion, we would like to bring you a man who has been more than a mother to us. And here he is, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking. And, Don, that was a very nice introduction. But I, I think, I think you were being just a little bit overly sentimental there. Oh, no, no, Jack, I meant every word of it. And you truly have been like a mother to our little group of thespians. Oh, Don. Don's is right, Jackson. You've really looked out for us all these years. Oh, gee, Phil. We all agree on this, Jack. Dennis, hasn't Mr. Benny been like a mother to us? Yeah, me, he even spanks. Dennis, I only did that once and you deserved it. Imagine coming over to my house and throwing a dead cat in the living room. You said you needed violin strings. Never mind that, now keep quiet. Yes, Dennis, you shouldn't act like that after all, Mr. Benny, has protected us like a brood of little chicks and shelled us under his wing. Don, Don, I couldn't sheller you if I had a wing like a B-29. Believe me. Look, Jackson, we're trying to say something nice and you and Dennis are lousin' up the mood. We are? Yes, Jack, maybe we've kidded you so often you don't realize how much you've helped us. Oh, I realize I've been a great help to all of you. No, that when you came to me for sympathy, I gave it to you. And when you came to me for advice, I gave it to you. And when you came to me for money... You gave us sympathy and advice. Yes, I don't see any reason at all why I should give you extra money. Who's talking about extra money? We want only what we got coming. I can't understand you, kid. Just a little while ago you said I was a mother hen and you were my brood of little chicks. Now all of a sudden, Dennis, why are you staring at me? It's the first time I ever saw a hen with glasses. Now cut that out and let's get on with the program. For goodness sake, you start something on this show and before you know it, come in. Isn't that the man who painted your house? You ought to know you brought him over. Look, Mr. Hawkins, I'm trying to do a radio program. What do you want? I just dropped in to tell you that I saw your show the other night in Pasadenae. You did? Yeah, pretty good show. You ought to bring it out to Calabasas. Calabasas? It's a pretty big place. Right now we've got 422 people. 422 people? There's a convention in town. Well, who's there when there isn't a convention? Me. Just you? When the sun ain't shining and there's no shadow, I'm a lonely boy. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Hawkins, but my itinerary is all set. Well, okay. Just thought it would be nice to have some entertainment. So long, Rube. So long, so long. I wonder why he always calls me Rube. All right kids, let's get on with the show. Now, we've got a lot to do tonight. Oh, before we start, Jack, that fellow was just here reminded me of something. What has it done? I wanted to tell you that I also enjoyed your show in Pasadenae. Well, thanks. Thanks very much, Don. Oh, it was great, Jack. And you certainly had a wonderful cast. You, Phil, Rochester, Vivian Blaine. Don't forget Tabby. Tabby? Who's Tabby? The dead cat. He's Mr. Benny's A and G strings. That's how much you know, the A string came off a total stranger. So don't be so smart. Hey, Livy, how'd you like to weigh me and Marks to stop the show? Great, wasn't it? You were very, very good, Phil, but there was one thing that puzzled me. What was it, Liv? Well, how come when the rest of the band was playing, that's what I like about the South, Frankie was playing Tiger Rag. Well, Frankie, Frankie's on strike. That's his way of picking it. Oh, are the musicians on strike? No, just Remly. He's mad at Jackson. Why? Oh, it's nothing. He's mad because I won't let him take his electric guitar on the tour. And I'm right, too. Whenever he has that thing on the stage, the whole band gathers around it. Around his electric guitar? Why? It makes ice cubes. Yeah. And when he spins his guitar to be fancy, he's really mixing martinis, you know? Say, Phil, Phil, did you fix it up for Sammy the drummer to go on tour with us? Yeah, I spoke to the board and Sammy can leave the state, provided he's in bed every night by 10. And tell him to keep his shirt buttoned, those numbers on his underwear look awful. And Phil, while I'm on the subject, it wouldn't hurt if some of your other musicians got to bed early, too. I'm sick and tired of you and your boys running around all night. That's telling them, Mom. Stop that, Dennis. Now, look, kid, it's time for your song. Now, what are you going to sing? Well, I have something appropriate from Mother's Day. Well, let's hear it. Okay. Hold it, Dennis. Come in. Yes? Telegram for Jack Benny. I'll take it, boy. Here you are. Oh, just a minute. Here. Gee, Mr. Benny, when you reached into your pocket, I expected a nickel or a dime, but I never expected this. Well, what did you give you? Lint. Get out of here. Jack. What? Who's the telegram from? Just a minute. Oh, this is cute. It's from the boys of the Beverly Hills Beavers. Listen to this, Mary. Dear Mr. Benny, our treasure and friend, we just had a meeting and decided to send this greeting to you that should fill you with glee. God bless you and keep you, Mother McCree. Gee, isn't that sweet? Mr. Benny. Dennis, sing your song. Mr. Benny's crying. Yes, ma'am. James in the harsh of the from the wind straw, but the heart. Today's singing Little Mother of Mine and very good, Dennis. I always sing good on Mother's Day. Dennis, you sing good every day. What have you got against Mother's Day? Nothing, nothing. I think Mother's Day is the finest day of the year. It's about time. It's been cloudy all week. Oh, go sit down. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our special surprise of the evening, I'd like you to meet a young lady whom you've seen many times on the screen and will be appearing with us on our tour, Miss Vivian Blaine. Thank you, Jack. I'm awfully glad that you invited me over today. Well, Vivian, the reason I asked you to come over is because, well, you know that scene we do in our stage show, you know, where you're supposed to run your hand through my hair when I'm kissing you. Well, it was awfully embarrassing in Pasadena. What happened, Vivian? Well, instead of my hand going through his hair, it went under it. Your fingernails are so sharp. Jack, why don't you let her do the kissing scene with Phil? Mary, that's the way it was supposed to be. But after the first rehearsal, Vivian said she'd rather do the kissing scene with me. So, Mary, you don't have to look at her as though she has two heads. Vivian, why don't you do the scene with Phil? Well, every time we rehearsed it, it was the same thing. He'd slip his arms around me, snuggle up close, and whisper in my ear. Gee, what did he whisper? Good health to all from Rexall. Some romantic guy. I can show him a thing or two. I'm sure you can, Jack. But when we do the love scene, I would like to make just one request. Certainly, Vivian. What is it? Well, I wish you'd just put your arms around me and let our lips meet in tender embrace. Don't grab me and pull yourself up by my ear lobes. I'll remember that. Now, Vivian, how about doing a song? Don, shall we tell him? Well, Jack, we thought we'd give you a little surprise, so I got Vivian to cook up something with a sportsman quartet. That's wonderful. Let's have it. Okay. Well, just a minute, Don. Come in. Oh, no. No. Come back. Come back some other time. Mr. Mr. Savoni. Look, look, Mr. Savoni, I'm trying to do a program. Look, what do you want to see me about? Well, I need a little money. And I was wondering if you could help me out. Now, wait, I don't mind giving you a handout every once in a while, and I'll stake you to a meal this time, too. But why? For heaven's sake, why don't you get yourself a job? Any kind of a job. All I need is ten cents so I can take a bus down to San Pedro. The man said for me to be on the bus by six o'clock. To be on the bus or on the boat? On the boat by six o'clock. That's different. You got yourself a job on a boat, eh? No. I went on a quiz program and won two glorious weeks in Honolulu. You? You won two glorious on a quiz program? I just can't believe it. Well, I'll tell you how it happened in a way. I was walking down the street. I wasn't doing anything. Just walking down the street. I didn't feel like doing anything. So I just walked down the street and wasn't doing anything. While I was passing the radio station, a fellow in the uniform said, Hey, yo, I said who? He said you. I said me? He said ya. Would you like to be on the quiz program? And while I was asking him if he could spare a dime for a cup of coffee, he took me inside a studio, writes my name in the card and sits me down. Oh, I was so nervous. Well, I'm just sitting there. Now he ain't doing anything. Just sitting there. All of a sudden the master ceremony says, Our next contestant is Mr. Jernal C. Devoni. That's the Jernal C. Devoni. That's me. I can't look at him. I can't get over your winning two weeks in Honolulu. What was the question? Well, he looked at me and said, John, in geographical terminology, what is the parallel of the biological aspect of the vernal equinox? And you? You answer that question? What a lucky guess. Mr. Devoni, here's the dime and give my regards to Hilo Hattie. Thanks, pal. Bye. Now let's hear what Vivian and the boys have cooked up. If the sun don't shine, I get my lovin' in the evening time when I'm with Mom. You'll never miss just one little kiss. It's no fun with the sun around, but I get goin' when the sun goes down and I meet Mom. That's when we kiss and kiss and kiss, and then we kiss some more. Don't ask how many times we kiss at a time like this. Who keeps score? I don't care if the sun don't shine. I'll get my lovin' in the evening time when I'm with Mom. That's when I'll be with my baby. We don't care if the sun don't shine morning, noon or in the evening time when we're all small, bloody. We don't care about the time when Benny should reduce our pay, cause we... That's when you puff and puff and puff, and then you puff some more. Don't ask how many times we puff cause there's no rough puff and who keeps score? We don't care if the sun don't shine morning, noon or in the evening time cause we're smokin' lucky, so lucky. Vivian, that was wonderful, really swell. Oh, thanks a lot, Jack. I've got to run along now and do some packing. I'll see you at the airport tomorrow. Okay, don't forget. We're taking the TWA constellation on our whole trip. I'll be there. Goodbye. Goodbye. John. John, that was really a great idea you had for a commercial. Well, thanks, Jack. And now, kid... Wait a minute, Jack. Huh? I've got that fellow, Savoni. What about him? Well, he always comes to you to help him out. Why don't you give him a job? Well, I'd like to, Mary, but I don't need any extra help. But, Jack, you could use him around the house as well as a caretaker. Well, I've got Rochester for that. Well, maybe you could use him as a gardener. I've got Rochester for that, too. Well, maybe you could use him as a night watchman. He's got me for that. Dennis. I sit up on the roof with a machine gun. Oh, Dennis. Get away from that lemonade stand. Dennis, stop that! Anyway, Mary... Mary, why are you so anxious to get a job for Savoni? Well, Jack, of all the men I've ever seen, he's the only one that would be a perfect match for my sister, Babe. Your sister, Babe? What makes you think that they're a perfect match? I mean, what has Babe gotten common with Savoni? Well, Babe just hangs around the house. She don't do anything. She just hangs around the house. I mean, she don't feel like doing anything. She just hangs around the house. She don't feel like doing anything. All right. All right. You can stop with that, too. Now, kids, I've got a lot of packing to do, so let's get on with... Dennis, where are you going? Chance of the door. Nobody not? No, but with this kind of a show, anything can happen. What? How did he know? Come in. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, Mr. Jack. Mr. Benny, please excuse me for interrupting the proceedings, but I had to see you before you go out personally appearing. Well, I'm glad you did. I understand that when you finish your tour, you're getting on a boat and sailing for merry old England, so I brought you a gift. A gift? Yes. I knew you were going, so I baked a cake. Well, thank you, thank you. Oh, you're welcome, Mr. Benny. Oh, what I wouldn't give to go on a boat trip again. Oh, then you have made a crossing. Three times. Atlantic or Pacific? Westlake Park. Oh, oh. But seriously, I would like to go to England because that's a wonderful place to pick up antiques. Well, that's right, but Mr. Kitzel, I didn't know you were a collector of antiques. Ho, ho, ho. Collector, in my house, I got the original tent that George Washington used that belly forge. The original tent? Yep. Where did you get it? Warsaw Plus. Mr. Kitzel, you're joking. Yeah. Oh, my. Well, Mr. Kitzel, I'm awfully glad you dropped in. While I'm in England, if I see an interesting antique, I'll bring it back to you. Bless you, heart. And Mr. Benny, I nearly forgot something here. I brought you another gift. Another gift? A book to read it on the boat. Here. Well, isn't that nice? That's Jimmy Star's new book, Heads You Lose. Thank you, Mr. Kitzel. Ho, ho, ho, ho. I wrote something on the inside. Let me read it. Oh, isn't that sweet. Go ahead. To Mr. Benny, that old friend of mine, may you always be healthy and 39. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Kitzel. You're welcome, and good luck on your trip. Thank you, goodbye. Goodbye. Yeah, I wish Mr. Kitzel was going on the tour with us. Hey, Mary, can you drive me to the airport tomorrow? Yes, I guess I can, but why doesn't Rochester do it? Well, I sent Rochester on ahead to Kansas City. He's taking care of some advanced things for me. I thought your press agent, Steve Bradley, took care of those things. No, I sent him to Milwaukee. In fact, I heard from him this morning, a crazy publicity stunt he has cooked up now. He's nuts. Why, what does he want you to do? He wants me to be rolled into Milwaukee and a barrel of beer. No. Yeah. Then on the city hall steps, they open the barrel, I jump out, and the mayor blows the foam off my head. I'm not going to do a silly thing like that. Say, Mr. Benny. Yes? Answer the phone. What? That kid is uncanny. Hello? Kansas City? The troll? Yes, yes. Do you want me to tell you when the three minutes are up? No, no. Look, jerk. Get off the phone and put Jack Benny on. Damn, jerk. A Jack Benny. Now, give me the call. Okay, don't get your Irish up. Me? Thanks. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Hello, Rochester. So you finally got to Kansas City, eh? How was the flight? Fine, boss. Fine. And believe me, everybody in Kansas City knows you're coming. Good, good. Yes, sir. Your name is on almost every billboard in town. Almost. It would have been on every one of them, but I ran out of chalk. I told you to take two pieces. I did, I did. And, boss, I got a surprise for you. A surprise? Yeah, when you arrive in town, you'll be met by the mayor of Kansas City, the governor of Missouri, and all the important committees. The governor and the mayor? How did you manage to do that? I can't tell you on the phone, but if anybody calls you hairy, mumble something about Congress and keep moving. Hairy? Gee, Rochester, do you think I can get away with it? I'm not worried about you, but I told them that Mr. Harris was the Secretary of State. Secretary of State? I hope they'll go for Curly Headed Atchison. I knew you'd go too far. Now, look, Rochester, do you stop at Wichita, like I told you to? Yes, boss. The Kansas Medical Society is holding a convention there, and 2,000 doctors will be over to see your show. 2,000 doctors in the audience? Yeah, and you better be good. One of them has a long hypodermic needle. I'll watch it, I'll watch it, but, Rochester, there's only one thing that worries me. This business of being met by the governor and the mayor and me being called hairy, do you think I can get away with it? Pardon me. Huh? Your three minutes are up, Mr. President. Oh, thank you, thank you. Goodbye, Rochester. Goodbye. Come on, Mary, I'll drive you home. Ladies and gentlemen, even though we will be out on a personal appearance tour, I'll still be doing my radio program on Sunday. Meanwhile, I hope to see all my friends in Wichita Tuesday night. We'll be in Kansas City Wednesday, Des Moines Thursday, St. Paul Friday, Moline Saturday, and next Sunday night we'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Jack, aren't you going to bring your show to Waukegan? Mary, I was born in Waukegan. How can you follow that? Jack, we'll be back in just a moment, but first, in a cigarette, mildness is a true measure of smoking enjoyment. So light up a lucky because luckies are milder, smoother and milder, with never a rough puff. Yes, scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. These scientific tests are confirmed by three independent consulting laboratories, and they prove Lucky Strike, mildest of six major brands tested. And no wonder. It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette. And L.S.M.F.T. L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco. So for more real deep down smoking enjoyment, for a milder tasting cigarette with never a rough puff, smoke a lucky. You'll enjoy the smooth, rich taste of Lucky's fine tobacco. You'll prove to yourself what scientific tests prove. Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Try a carton of Lucky Strike. Good night, folks. Happy Mother's Day. The character of John L.C. Silvone is played by Frankie Fontaine. Be sure to hear Dennis Day in the day and the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned in for the Amazon Andy Show which follows immediately. This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.