 And now, we bring to you that star of stage, screen, and jello, Jack Benny. Jack Benny talking. And tonight, folks, we are broadcasting from the New York studios where we... What's the matter, Jack? What's the matter? You haven't got any pep tonight. I know it, Don. I'm tired. See, for the past 74 weeks, every Sunday night, I've been coming in and saying, you'll low again. I don't know. People are beginning to know it by heart. Then I tell a couple of old, new jokes, and then you butt in and remind them who's paying for this. It's the same old thing over and over again. I'm tired of it. Oh, why don't you quit? I think I will. I'll quit being tired. Oh, you're just not the same, Jack. Now, what's wrong with you? Well, I've been sleeping 10 hours a night, getting plenty of exercise and eating the best of food. You're right, Don. Where do you think I ought to go? Well, there's a cotton club. Or if you want a real quiet place, there's Belmont Park. You don't know whether there's a nice quiet communist meeting, do you? Say, Don, what would you do if you were run down? I'd take the license number. That's a nice rest. Hello, Jack. Will you need me tonight? Why, what's the matter with you, Mary? I don't know. I have a peculiar healthy feeling. You have? Yeah, I've been eating three times a day for weakness. Seems to be no end to it. Did you see your doctor? I just left him. He looked at my tongue, down in my heart, felt my pulse, took my temperature. What did he say? $2. Well, that's only 50 cents a piece. You know, Jack, I'm worried about you. Why? You're looking good. But when you look good, there must be something to matter with you. Well, I don't get that. What I mean is this. When you look bad, that's good because you're normal. Oh. But when you look good, that's bad because it's not you. Well, how do I look? Good, and believe me, that's bad. Well, what do you think I ought to do? You've been working too hard, Jack. Why don't you buy yourself a Zeppelin to get some air? A Zeppelin? Yeah, you know those big Frankfurties that are flying over here from Germany? Oh, well, I guess I'll have to do something at that. You better. If you keep this up, you won't live to be 40. I'm 42 now. Boy, was I hot. You're crazy. See you later. I'm going down to the drugstore and get a headache. Gee, do I feel good? Let yourself go. She's nuts, isn't she, Don? Oh, I should say. Hello, Jack. Hello, Kenny. You too. What's the matter with you? Oh, I don't know. I've been having trouble lately. It's a fine program tonight. You have. Yeah. You know, there's a millionaire's daughter who's been annoying me with candy and flowers and following me around everywhere. I just can't get away from her. Why don't you go around incognito? Oh, I did that, Jack. When I'd registered at the hotel this morning, I signed my name Frank Parker just to throw her off. Did it work? Did it. That's who she's with tonight. The millionaire's daughter. Well, next time register is Jack Benny. I did that, too. You did. What happened? I had to pay two of your laundry bills. Hey, Jack. Yeah? Jack, you need music on the program tonight? Well, sure, Johnny. Why? Well, you know, the boys and I are playing at the Earl Theatre in Philadelphia this week and we've got to get back there as soon as possible. Oh, that's right. See, how are you doing there, Johnny? Great. That is all except one number. What's that? When we play Love and Bloom, the audience starts hissing you. Well, don't worry, Johnny. I'm learning a new song for next season. Oh, what is it? I won't tell you. Ah, go ahead. Moon over Miami. Three more months and what I won't do to that. Hey, Jack, you know, I'm also telling jokes on the stage this week. Oh, a comedian, huh? Yes, sir. Every time I open my mouth, the people laugh. You ought to get your teeth fixed. Mary. Come in. Telegram for Jack Benny. Oh, thanks. Hmm, from the mayor of Miami. It says, please stick to Love and Bloom. You see, Johnny, I want to do new stuff, but they won't let me. Ladies and gentlemen, you've just heard what the mayor of Miami has said about Jello. And he's right because Jello has that new, extra-rich, fresh fruit flavor and tastes twice as good as ever before. I guess I didn't read that wire correctly, huh? Oh, well, what's the difference? Play comedian. And now, folks, we are going to... I say, Jack, I hear you're going to the coast in a couple of weeks to make a picture for Parapan. Is that true? Yes, but I didn't want it to get around. Who told you? Three of your publicity men. See, they can't keep a secret. But as long as they told you that much, the name of the picture is the big broadcast of 1937. I'm the star of it. So far. You know, Jack. I can't tell what will happen in these pictures. I know. You know, I kind of envy you. I'd like to be in pictures myself. Well, it isn't easy, Johnny. You know, you have to have appearance, dramatic ability, poise, sex appeal, personality... And a camera. And if you want to go to expense. But you know, Mary, everybody in pictures has that certain something. For instance, there's Fred McMurray. You know Fred McMurray. I know all three of them. Now, there's a fella that... That's McMurray, McMurray. Now, there's a fella that's got personality and pep. What is Fred Astaire got? He has ginger. Glad I got one in myself. How's that? Uh, Jack, what's this I hear about you going to Hollywood? Oh, it's rumor that's been going around. Uh, listen, Don, Johnny, yes it is. Johnny says he'd like to be in pictures, too. He would. Yeah, dear, that's Mary. Imagine Johnny in a clinch with Greta Garbo. The dope he got about as much chance as you have. That's so. Why, you couldn't shine Garbo's shoes. Who could? Now be quiet. Hey, Jack. Yes, Kenny. You know, I signed a contract to make a picture this summer. Glad to hear it. What company? Well, not in a film. How did you get the job? Incognito. I told him I was James Cagney. Oh, boy, wait till they find out. Well, I'm a little worried about it, Jack. You know, you've had so much experience in acting. I wish you'd give me a few pointers. I'll be glad to, Kenny. Well, what would you like to know? Well, I'm a little weak on dramatic lines and comedy and character parts and, uh... What can you do? Oh, I can make love with a little encouragement. Encourage him, Jack. Now, don't worry, Kenny. All you need is a little coaching. Now, for instance, take a scene like this. Uh, let's see, uh... Let me think of something. Oh, yeah, suppose you come home to your wife after eight years in the Navy and you find her in the arms of another. Now, you walk in, you say, so this is what's been going on, eh? You've let eight years in the Navy separate us. When I get you alone, I'm going to kill you. Kill you, kill you. Do I kill her? No, she's never alone. Now, you try it, Kenny. All right. So this is what's been going on, eh? Gee, you've let eight years in the Navy separate us. When I get you alone, I'm going to kill you three times. What do I do now? Carry out your contract. No, Kenny, look, put some fire into it. Oh, fire into it? Yes. All right. Here I come. That's it. Now, remember, Kenny, you've been away eight years and you'll find your wife in the arms of another. Now, try it again. Okay, Jack. Go ahead. So this is what's been going on, eh? After eight years, I find you in the arms of another. No, Kenny. Gable wouldn't do it that way. Gable wouldn't stay away eight years. Now. Ah, gee, this is too hard, Jack. Should I try something else? Yes, sing, Kenny. What do you think of him, Mary? Hmm, he's got a swell future. Yes. Have a purple dusk of quiet life Steals across the meadows of my heart High up in the sky the little stars climb Always reminding me that we're apart You wander down the lane and far away Leaving me a song that will not die Love is now the stardust of yesterday The music of the years gone Sometimes I wonder why I spend the loan of a song The melody I revered And I am once again with you When our love was new And each kiss and inspiration was long ago Now my consolation is in the stardust of us all When stars are... Hey, California. Up Australia. Well, folks, here we are, bloody California. Isn't it marvelous how these planes make it in 16 hours? This one made it in a verse and two choruses. Hey, mister. Hey, where's the Paramount studio? You go two blocks east till you find west. Oh, may west. Nice territory. Look, about to walk with me, fellas. You two, Mary. Paramount studio. Just a moment, please. Hello? Who, Betsy Ross? She's working under two flags. Yes, I'll tell her. She's gone to Europe. Come in. Pardon me, miss. I'm Jack Benny. And I'd like to see... That evening sun go down. I know that song, too. You know, I'm signed up to make a picture here. I want to see Mr. LaBaron. Mr. LaBaron is in Europe. When will he be back? As soon as you leave. Oh. Can I see a secretary? She's out, too. Would you care to wait? When did she go out? Ten years ago with silent pictures. Hey, listen. I came here for a conference on my picture. I'm Jack Benny. And a boy, Jack. I'm telling her. Oh, yes. You're to see Mr. Gensler. He'll be here any minute. Well, thank you. We'll wait. When he comes in, tell him Jack Benny wants to see him. Are these people Jack Benny, too? No, just me. And Miss Fletz? Yes, sir. I'm going to my office. If I miss the Jack Benny call, send him right in. I certainly will. Say, I'm Jack Benny. Was that Mr. Gensler? Yup, but too bad. You just missed him. Well, come on, fellas. Let's go in. Hey, wait a minute. You'll have to have a pass. Go duck your head in the waste basket with the rest of the script. Well, Jack, we're in the studio. Yeah. Let's see. Where's his office? That's the Mr. Lewis, Mr. Kat, Mr. Wolfe, Mr. Fox, Mr. Lyon. I don't know that. I'd have brought some peanuts. Oh, Mr. Gensler. Here it is, fellas. Come in. Well, well, step right in. How are you, Jack? Fine, Mr. Gensler. This is Mary Livingston, Johnny Green, Kenny Baker, and Don Wilson. Where's your looking good, Jack? Glad to know you, too. Just a minute. I'll get you some chairs. See, this is... Well, I hope you can get me in the picture, Jack. Now, let's go in. Come in. Well, well, step right in. How are you, Jack? Fine, Mr. Gensler. Well, I hope you can get me in the picture, Jack. Now, listen, Johnny, the secret of this business is to make them think you don't need them. You know, if they know you're looking for a job, they won't give you a tumble. You're here on a vacation. You understand? I get it. See, I'll give you the build-up and make them come after you. You're a pal. What'll I do, Jack? Just sit around and act like Shirley Temple. See, I left my dimples in New York. Well, here you are, folks. Well, thank you. Make yourself at home. Have you got a cigar, Jack? Yes, here. Thanks. Well, Mr. Gensler, how's the story and casting of my picture coming along? Oh, pretty good, Jack. Of course, we need a few more people. And what kind of people? Well, we need a fellow to play the part of an orchestra leader. Do you stuff, Jack? Maybe you can suggest somebody for the part. You know, I've been sort of leaving it to you, Jack. Well, there's Johnny Green, but I don't think you can get him. Why not? Oh, he's just here on a vacation. I don't think he'd consider it, would you, Johnny? Well, I... It's all right. Don't apologize. Oh, Mr. Lewis? Yes. Close the deal with Guy Lombardo. Oh. Don't worry, Johnny. Now, we also need a girl who can recite some crazy poems. I'll take it. Quiet, Mary. Why did you say that? I'm afraid Lombardo'll get that, too. Now, maybe I can think of somebody. Let's see. Say, how about this girl called Mary Livingston? Listen, Gensley. Labor Day. Oh, Labor Day. Mary. Never mind. Let's go into the conference room. That's a good idea. After all, we start shooting in three weeks, and I want to get familiar with everything, you know? Well, follow me. Gentlemen, this is Jack Benny. Nice to know you. Same here. Mr. Benny came in from New York for a story conference. Oh, Mr. Gensler, who's going to direct my picture? Mr. Mitchell Licen. Mitch Licen, eh? Is he here now? No, he's in New York watching your broadcast tonight. Oh. Hello, Mitch. Hello. How are you?